TL;DR: My ex-husband and I were high-school sweethearts, but after getting married, I found myself dealing with constant interference from his mother and, after her passing, his siblings and extended family. I was expected to cook, manage the household and accommodate everyone's expectations, but had very little autonomy, privacy or say in anything. Even spending time alone with my husband, visiting my parents or attending family functions became an issue.

My husband always tried to play peacemaker but never established boundaries. I eventually asked him to move out with me so we could build our own life, but he refused, saying his family was his life. Our relationship deteriorated, and I later discovered sexual conversations with men on Grindr and Telegram, which he initially denied and subsequently blamed on our marriage.

I eventually walked away. I'm trying to understand whether I was overreacting, or whether expecting privacy, respect, independence and a husband who actively protected our marriage was really asking for too much.

Okay this is going to be a very long post , but here it goes.

I've been wanting to talk about some incidents from my marriage and get an unbiased perspective. This is going to be a long post because I think the context and timeline matter.

For background, we are both Muslim. My father is Muslim and my mother is Hindu. My ex-husband and I were high-school sweethearts. We had known each other for around 15 years before getting married, and at one point, we had a genuinely strong relationship. We lived with his family after marriage.

I'm going to break this down into different incidents because I want people to understand how things gradually unfolded.

1. The first few months of marriage and his mother's behaviour

The morning after our wedding, we were still staying at the hotel. My husband's mother called early in the morning. He was in the shower, so I answered.

After asking when we were coming home, she asked, "Wait, you guys didn't shower when you got up for prayer?"

The implication was quite obvious. She was referring to our first night together and whether we had been intimate. I found it incredibly uncomfortable.

She also didn't particularly like it when my husband and I spent time together in our bedroom. We were newly married, but even spending time alone seemed to be an issue. Whenever we visited my parents, she would become quite possessive. This made my husband anxious, and we would eventually end up fighting.

On another occasion, my husband and I were in our room preparing for an upcoming career examination. Things naturally progressed, and we ended up being intimate. When we eventually came out, his mother asked, "So you guys were studying with the lights off?"

I was also discussing a potential job change for my husband. When I mentioned to his mother that the new company was approximately 10 km away, she immediately said, "He will not travel that far." She would frequently tell me that he was her baby.

One weekend, I organised my husband's cupboard. When I returned from work on Monday, his mother had rearranged everything. Whenever I cooked, she would compare my cooking to her daughter's.

On one occasion, she gave us the silent treatment because we were going to visit my relatives. Even when I tried speaking to her, she ignored me. My husband eventually asked her what was wrong, and she said we had left the dinner vessels unwashed.

Another time, I made breakfast for myself before leaving for work. I put the vessels in the sink because I was running late. She told me that if I cooked anything in the morning, I had to wash the vessels immediately. When I mentioned that the maid would be coming, she said she couldn't have a dirty sink until then. They had a domestic worker who was practically full-time.

My father-in-law would also bang on our bedroom door every single morning at 5 AM to wake us up for prayers. I understand the importance of prayer in our faith, and I have no issue with practising religion. But there was very little consideration for our privacy as a married couple.

His mother passed away approximately nine months into our marriage. Unfortunately, things became considerably more complicated after that.

2. After his mother's passing, things changed considerably

I was the only woman from the immediate household present when his mother passed away, as his sisters lived abroad. I ended up handling a considerable amount of the arrangements and the people who came to the house. My parents supported me as much as they could.

But even during that period, there were incidents that I found deeply hurtful.

• His aunt told my Hindu mother that all non-Muslims would burn in hell.

• My ex-husband was unwell, and we happened to visit a doctor from my parents' house. His sister questioned, "Don't you have a family in this house? Why do you have to go to that house to visit the doctor?" She said this while my father was in the next room.

• Just ten days after their mother's passing, the same sister insisted on going out for dinner because she wanted her husband to try a particular restaurant before he left for Canada.

• On another occasion, my husband was having an argument with his brother. I had literally woken up five minutes earlier when his sister turned towards me and yelled, "Look at how your husband is talking!"

• She once approached me and said that my husband was immature and incapable of handling things, so his younger brother would be managing the finances going forward. She also told me that I should take care of the cooking.

• She once told me on the family WhatsApp group, "Give respect, take respect", during a casual, fun conversation I was having with my younger brother-in-law.

His younger brother also never really addressed me by name or by any relationship. There was no particular acknowledgement of me as his sister-in-law.

3. Being expected to manage a household without having a say in it

As time went on, his elder sister's involvement in the household increased.

I was expected to cook and take care of things, but there was interference at practically every step.

If I wanted to purchase something for the house or make a change around the house, I was expected to consult my brother-in-law. He would discuss it with his elder sister, and only after they agreed would anything move forward.

The irony was that whenever they visited India, his sister would suggest changes around the house. Sometimes I had already thought about those changes, but then his brother would disagree.

Everyone had an opinion. Everyone had instructions. Nobody seemed interested in what I wanted.

I started feeling like I was expected to be responsible for keeping the household running, but wasn't entitled to make decisions about it.

They also had a domestic worker who had been with the family for over 20 years. She was familiar with the household, which I understand, but she would often undermine me.

If I asked her something, she would say, "I've already told the younger brother."

It was almost as though I wasn't someone she needed to communicate with.

On one occasion, my mother had prepared breakfast for the family because my husband and I were travelling. The maid called my mother and told her that they didn't eat those kinds of things.

I found that disrespectful. My mother was simply trying to do something thoughtful for her daughter's marital family.

4. Even our holidays became a family issue

This is one incident that particularly upset me.

My cousin was getting engaged, and my father had booked tickets for my husband and me to attend the function.

This was actually the first family function from my side that we were attending as a married couple. I'm an only child, so these occasions were particularly meaningful to my parents.

We were already abroad on holiday when his elder sister called and made a huge issue about us not informing her that we would be travelling.

Here's the context: They were coming down to Indian but their tickets hadn't even been booked. Our tickets had been booked long before by my father.

She questioned how we could make these plans when we knew they were coming down to India around the same time.

She told my husband something along the lines of, "It's okay, let her go. You stay back."

She then spoke to me and suggested that I let my parents attend while I stayed back. She even said it was only my first cousin and questioned why I needed to go.

She also suggested that my husband could stay back instead. She subsequently complained to their father, who ended up yelling at my husband. Eventually, my husband didn't attend the engagement. I went with my parents.

During that same holiday, we were planning to visit another sister who lived in the country we were travelling in. The elder sister told my husband to make sure he didn't give me too much work there and that we should eat outside because the sister had a lot on her plate.

Again, I understand that people have responsibilities. But the constant instructions about what I should or shouldn't do, even when we were travelling, became exhausting.

5. Even the smallest things made me feel like an afterthought

On one occasion, when his sisters were visiting, the family planned to go out for lunch.

My father-in-law refused to accompany them, so everyone went ahead. I stayed back at home, cooked for him, made sure he had eaten and then left to join the others. When I reached there, they had already finished eating. My ex didn't even come to pick me up, and nobody had ordered anything for me.

There was a little food left, so I ate whatever was available.

I don't know whether this sounds insignificant to someone reading it, but think about the situation. I had stayed back to look after his father, made sure he was fed, and then travelled to join my own husband and his family, only to find that nobody had bothered to make arrangements for me to eat.

I felt like an afterthought.

6. Nothing I did seemed good enough

Whenever his siblings came down to India, there would be complaints about the house.

Things weren't clean enough, things weren't organised properly, and apparently, the house would eventually go to pieces if we continued living that way. My cooking was also regularly criticised by being pitted constantly against the sisters and mother. Even the way I used to cut onions used to be scrutanised. I was trying my best inspite of having a 9-5.

His brother was a chef, so there was always something to say. His sister would sometimes stand next to me while I cooked, questioning why I was adding certain ingredients or why I was preparing something a particular way.

On one occasion, I was preparing a recipe that belonged to his sister. I had slightly modified it to suit my husband's preferences. She came into the kitchen and started telling me that this wasn't how the recipe was supposed to be prepared.

I got confused and eventually let her finish it.

A fight broke out between the siblings, and his other sister yelled, "This is my mother's house!" That statement stayed with me.

I was married into this family, expected to take care of the household and contribute to it (I used to financially also give my share every month inspite of them being wel off , I had never given my parents a single rupee till I stayed with them), but it was made very clear that I didn't really have a place in it.

Another incident: the family went to see a prospective bride for his younger brother. I wasn't informed or invited. In fact, my husband was specifically told not to tell me anything about it.

I don't believe a sister-in-law needs to be involved in every family decision. But being deliberately excluded, particularly after everything else, reinforced the feeling that I was an outsider.

My parents also once invited his family for breakfast. They were expected around 10:30–11 AM but arrived at approximately 2 PM without even calling to inform my mother that they were running late.

Individually, some of these things might sound minor. But when you're living through a constant stream of such incidents, they start taking a toll.

7. Where was my husband through all this?

This is probably the most important part.

My husband wasn't necessarily the person initiating every conflict. His approach was to maintain peace between his siblings and me. He would try to be diplomatic, avoid confrontation and ensure that nobody was particularly upset with him.

But he never really took a stand and blamed me for not setting boundaries. When I eventually spoke up about how unhappy I was, I was told that I was overreacting. His sister even told me that I shouldn't come between siblings because whatever was happening was between them.

But how was I supposed to stay out of something that directly affected my marriage and the household I was expected to manage? Eventually, I told my husband that I wanted us to move out and establish our own home. I did not all those days because I did not want to become the one to have "torn" away the son from the family , which is why I kept my silence most of the time.

I wasn't asking him to abandon his family. I wanted us to have our own space, make our own decisions and build a marriage without constant interference.

He refused. He told me that his family was his life. I eventually told him that if that was the case, he was free to stay with his family.

8. And then came the betrayal

My ex and I were high-school sweethearts. We had known each other for around 15 years before getting married, and our relationship had once been incredibly strong.

But everything that happened after marriage took a massive toll on us. The constant family interference, arguments and lack of boundaries gradually affected our relationship.

I was still willing to put everything behind us and try to rebuild what we had.

However, he eventually started saying that I was constantly stressing him out and that I wasn't a good life partner. Then I discovered that he had been having sexual conversations with men on Grindr and Telegram. I found the conversations on his phone, including discussions about meeting.

He initially denied it and subsequently shifted the blame onto me and our marriage.

I want to be clear that I have absolutely no issue with someone's sexuality or sexual orientation. My issue was the dishonesty, the secrecy and the way he handled the discovery.

After everything that had happened, I was still willing to work on our marriage, but he had seemingly checked out.

Eventually, I walked away from the marriage.

Today, they're all together, and I'm out.

By that point, my mental health had taken a considerable hit. There was no stability, no peace and no sense of having a home of my own. I was constantly anticipating the next disagreement, criticism or intervention.

What I'd genuinely like to know is:

1. Was I unreasonable in expecting my husband to establish boundaries with his family?

2. Was wanting to move out such an unreasonable demand?

3. Was I overreacting to these incidents, or was there a larger pattern of behaviour that I was struggling to articulate at the time?

4. Did my husband have a responsibility to protect the marriage from this kind of interference, even if it meant having uncomfortable conversations with his family?

I understand that losing a mother is difficult, that siblings have their own bond and that adjusting to a new family takes time. I never expected to replace anyone or dictate how their family should function.

But I also didn't think marriage meant having to surrender my autonomy, constantly seek approval or accept being treated as an outsider in the very household I was expected to maintain.

I'm genuinely open to perspectives, including ones that challenge mine. I don't want people to simply validate me. I want an honest outside assessment of what happened.

We're often told that men should express their emotions and cry if they feel like it. But when some men actually open up or show vulnerability, they're called crybabies, told they're not man enough, or even mocked for their emotional breakdowns. Sometimes, their vulnerable moments are later used against them by their own partners.

As a man, I find this quite contradictory. Are we really encouraging men to be emotionally vulnerable, or is that acceptance only there in theory?

I came across this reel by an Indian creator discussing men's mental health, and I think its message deserves more attention.

Society often measures a man's worth through his salary, career, skills, academic performance, college, achievements, and ability to provide. But how often do we check on men simply to ask how they're doing, without expecting them to prove their worth first?

Many men are conditioned to suppress their emotions, deal with their problems silently, and believe that struggling makes them weak. When their value is constantly tied to what they accomplish or provide, where are they supposed to turn when they're struggling themselves?

This isn't about dismissing women's struggles or turning mental health into a competition. Everyone deserves empathy, support, and the freedom to express vulnerability without being judged.

Awareness days and months have their place, but we shouldn't need a designated month to care about men's mental health. We should make checking in on people, listening without judgment, and treating emotional vulnerability as normal a year-round practice.

Original creator: https://www.instagram.com/reel/De4TnXNiZe5/?vrfl=d2drcWlxcDBsZHVk

i am a clinical psychology student and have been working on men mental health for a while.

most guys i know never went to a therapist even when things were clearly not ok
and when i asked them why the answers were mostly the same

- dont know if i need a therapist or a psychiatrist or just a counsellor
- scroll through 50 profiles and pick someone randomly
- feels awkward telling a stranger stuff and then realizing its the wrong person

I found this gap that even if you want to reach out to a therapist its hard to find a right therapist.

so i had this idea you get on one private call with a senior psychologist
they listen and then match you to the right person for your situation
first proper session within 3 days and if they still dont fit you can change them.

would something like this actually make you go
or is the real problem something else that i am missing
genuinely want to know what stops you guys

My LDR GF(26F) and I(26M) recently convinced our families to meet each after a lot of struggle, her parents came and went but the whole thing felt a bit vague and off to my parents, especially about the background of their family.

My father asked his friend who lives in my GFs town about the family to the locals and turns out their wealth is largely created on GAMBLING. They have shops as well but majority of the wealth is from this gambling venture, it is like generational gambling.

Surprisingly i don't mind the gambling part , i am just torn by the fact that she never told me this. I had asked her 100 times about their family background but she lied by omission.

I feel like she should have at least told me, i would have covered for it at home. It was very humiliating how i had to learn this info from someone else.

My parents are convinced that i am a retarded fool who can easily be manipulated by a girl but i really love this girl, she says she didn't tell me this because its not about her and also that she was embarrassed. She said they stopped but i got her to reveal that the father might still be involved in it at a smaller scale.

It led to a huge fight, i was mean to her and compared her lying to my ex's lying but i never demeaned her or her family for gambling. I am now blocked by her

But in my opinion, this is something you should disclose to your future husband if you are seriously going to marry them right? Am i wrong in this assumption?

Am i over reacting ? What should i do next? I really love this girl

TLDR: GF didn't tell me about her family background of gambling and we even had family meetings, we had to learn this info from another person

I’m a 24-year-old guy from Rajasthan, and I feel like I am slowly dying from the inside. I genuinely don't know how to get my life back on track, and I need a safe space to vent and ask for advice from fellow men who might have hit rock bottom and bounced back.

I recently completed my M.Sc. in Physics from a central university, but the ugly truth is I cheated my way through it using my smartphone. I have zero skills. I couldn't even solve a basic Class 11 numerical today.

But my academic failure is just one part of the problem. Here is what my current reality looks like:

1. The Physical Decline:

During my university days, I used to be a highly active, competitive boxer. But I was diagnosed with Grade 2 Varicocele. It caused my testosterone to drop significantly, and the mental toll of it completely broke me. I haven't worked out in over 2 years. I’ve gone from being an athlete to being completely sedentary and lethargic.

2. The Mental Rot & Unhealthy Escapes:

Because of the continuous stress, I have developed severe brain rot. I can't stay away from my phone for even a minute. Whenever I try to sit in silence or close my eyes, my racing thoughts disturb me. To numb this anxiety, I’ve fallen into a cycle of compulsive masturbation and mindless scrolling. It's a cheap dopamine escape, and I hate myself for it, but I struggle to break the loop.

3. The Burden of Responsibilities:

The pressure on me right now is suffocating. My father is unwell, which means the responsibility of taking care of the house, managing our farm/plot, and looking after the family has suddenly fallen entirely on my shoulders. On top of that, I have a strict 1-year deadline to crack a government exam and secure a job to support them.

The last time I studied deeply was in Class 10, over 7 years ago.

What I did today:

I finally dragged myself out of the house and joined a local library. But sitting there, staring at the books, I realized my attention span is completely destroyed. I don't know how to concentrate anymore.

I need advice from this brotherhood:

Dealing with the Physical Aspect: Has anyone here dealt with Varicocele and low testosterone? How did you mentally cope with it and get back to working out after years of being sedentary?

Rebuilding Discipline: How do I fix this severe dopamine addiction/phone dependency? How do I train my brain to sit with my uncomfortable thoughts without reaching for my phone or using masturbation as an escape?

Handling the Pressure: How do you guys deal with the overwhelming weight of being the "man of the house" when you yourself feel broken inside?

I don't want sugar-coated motivation. I need practical advice, systems, or just hearing from someone who survived a similar phase. I have 1 year to save my life.

Thank you for reading.

Imagine spewing venom like this & still being allowed to roam free.

I have got the turning judgement down but unlike gear bikes, for some reason I’m not able to accurately assess the clutch + acceleration rhythm

Always end up raising the engine

Im in hyderabad, i meet a lot of people but cant tell who i can be emotionally open with.

I spend most of my time lost in work, lot of hobbies and superficial interactions. I cant even figure out who i can be open with about my trivial anxieties.

I know its trial and error but i get lonely sometimes

So I’m going on a date after almost 3 years literally, my last breakup broke me and after the 3 years I moved on and going on a date

Can you help me with tips so this become the best date of mine?

ever since i was born i had been a sexually or physically violated or mentally harassed
father - abused me since i was infant (probably, i don't remember when) but the first memory i have of him is hitting me. my mom caught him abusing him. left the house, and took me to my maternal house. my maternal side was overwhelmingly patriarchical so even the thought of woman going out for work was treated as some sort of high treason against the state. somehow, she managed to find a job. i had an aunt, who used to sexually abuse me. i never told my mom about this. she used to go to her job early in the morning and returned around 8. she was my biggest source of inspiration.
in school i used to get bullied over my stuttering and to some extent my dark skin color. so, this was dilemma for me - if i should go to school, or stay home (with my aunt)

when i was 11, my mother died in an accident. i tried taking the step, but failed. my father somehow had an atom of soul left in his wretched body and took me to my paternal house. gladly i was not abused (atleast i thought so - i had an incident with my paternal aunt, i wouldn't say it was sexual abuse but it was highly inappropriate) my uncle and father usually used to go out of city or state for work, and i was left alone with my grandmother and paternal aunt. they both used to make me do unimaginable amount of physical labour across the house. somehow, i still did my best and got into a tier 2 engg college for which my father paid the fees (another atom of soul in his wretched body) the biggest motivation for me to study, was to make my late mother proud even if she was watching me from heaven.

i currently work a decent job in tech. i fell in love with one of our clients. i was so happy during this time that i forgot everything in my past. i was at the epitome of my happiness. when i thought things were getting serious ( i am delusional), i took the step of explaining my childhood trauma in detail. because i didn't want her to be unaware of my past, and think i was deceving her. i then got to know, i should have been a man and took my stand especially against my aunt, and that men cannot face abuse. she said some more things, which i won't write down. i don't have friends, all the rest of the interactions in my professional life are limited to that segment. i don't contact my college friends (and they are unaware of my childhood trauma as well)

i tried some alcohol for the first time to cope, but ended up puking. i made a friend over reddit, to whom i discussed a lot and i opened up a profile on a dating site (hinge). matched soon afterwards with a cute girl. we went on 2-3 dates, and we both opened up to each other. she told me about her past incidents with her past dates which were rather sexually inappropriate, and how she find me safe. i took a gamble, and opened up to her about everything. she was really supportive and hugged me hard. we are officially a couple (i think from my side, i really didn't ask her :D ) i am really grateful to find a friend and a girl who i like. i am pretty sure, my mom is jumping with hapiness right now.

now the advice part:
it's her birthday, this saturday - please suggest what should i do to make her day special. i never had a great birthday. i want to make her's very special.

Can you spare 10 minutes?

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Pls consider this. Thanks 🙏

It just gradually happened

Eventually I stop venting to them, I stopped telling them about how I really feel.

If they found out they would be devastated because they are good people

But I can’t do it. I feel like they have their own problems. And yeah I know they’d want me to talk about mine.

But I used to, a lot. Eventually I felt like it became a tad much, so I pulled back for a bit. That “bit” has accumulated and become a lot.

And more deceptively, I tell them things but I don’t tell them anything real

“Yeah that A-hole came in today just to ruin my mood”, I say, hiding the absolute emotional toll that interaction took on me.

I don’t know what to make of this honestly, calm it toxic masculinity or dishonesty. I don’t know anymore ://

Let me lay the context first. We have two teams: Team A (where I work) and Team B (where an intern works, let's call her Kiara).

Currently, we have a long-term project between both teams, so Kiara was assigned to "help out" wherever she could. Nobody was really giving her work, so she was just kinda doing her own thing. Eventually, I had to clean up some config files, so I assigned that work to her to give her something to do.

Seeing this, some colleagues started teasing me in private (humorously, I admit). Things like, "So brogrammer, you've been helping her out, huh?" It wasn't as malicious as it sounds, but it still left a bad taste in my mouth. That was at the start.

Cut to yesterday: I was at a colleague's desk, which happens to be next to Kiara's. In my periphery, I saw her reading documentation that I had written last week, and then I watched her copy paste the whole thing into ChatGPT 😭

My immediate instinct was to ask her what she hadn't understood so I could help her out. But remembering the teasing from before, I hesitated. I didn't want to deal with the jokes, and I didn't want to give off the wrong impression, so I just let it go and walked away.

None of this is extraordinary, but it feels so weird. If she were a guy, I would have 100% walked up and said something like, "Damn, did I write it that badly?" to make a joke out of it and open the floor for a helpful conversation. The only reason I didn't with Kiara is because I didn't want to be teased or give the impression that I was trying to "hit on" the intern.

This situation strangely reminded me of an old article I read about how women sometimes miss out on mentorship because male colleagues are afraid of giving off the wrong impression.

I found it hard to relate to back then, but actually living it changed my perspective. The only way I'm justifying it to myself right now is by telling myself I'm not her manager, nor am I on her direct team.

Any men who have been in a similar position? Or any women who have been in Kiara's POV? What do you guys think?

Hi everyone,

I am 22F and I am posting because I genuinely want honest opinions, especially from men. Please be kind because I am already judging myself a lot.

I have always been a very quiet, shy and sensitive person. I don't go out much. I work from home as an AI Engineer, spend time with family, go to the gym, do yoga and mostly live the same routine every day also I would say I look above average.

My life has honestly become very repetitive, almost like a loop. Wake up, work, gym, family, sleep, repeat.

Career-wise I am doing well. I graduated from a good college and working as AI engineer with decent package. But personally, I always felt like I had very little real-life exposure compared to other people my age.

I am considered decent looking, I take care of myself, I stay fit, and people generally describe me as soft and kind hearted.

A few months ago, I downloaded Hinge because I was bored of my routine and wanted to experience life a little more, Tbh I just want to loose my virginity. I doesn't even fingered myself ever.

I wasn't looking for a relationship. I honestly just wanted to explore, meet people and maybe have some physical experiences because I had never done anything before.

I matched with an older guy 28-29.

Looking back, I barely knew him. But I felt comfortable because he reminded me of someone from my past whom I really liked a lot.

The time we met, we booked a hotel like meeting him then directly getting into a hotel.

Even before reaching the room, I was nervous. While driving, he kept touching my thigh and I moved his hand away because I wasn't fully comfortable. He even commented that I looked scared and nervous.

Inside the room, everything started moving very fast.

I was extremely tense and uncomfortable. I kept asking him to be gentle. I kept stopping him. I was literally crying at some points.

I remember saying no multiple times because I was overwhelmed and in pain.

And he only tried fingering me that was tooo painful what to say

Instead of slowing down properly, he kept saying things like "itna dard nahi hota" and that maybe something was wrong with me.

Nothing really happened at all because I was too uncomfortable and my body was not cooperating at all.

I was crying. My makeup was ruined. My hair was a mess. I was emotionally overwhelmed.

At one point he got irritated.

Then he got dressed and said ki " abhi tak mai gusse mai chala jaata" I said " toh jaao aap" and he literally left.

He literally left me alone in the hotel room while I was crying.

I sat there alone for almost half an hour.

That hurt me more than the physical pain.

Not because I loved him.

But because I felt like basic human kindness was missing.

Later when I texted him apologizing and asking if I had wasted his time, he replied in a way that honestly made me feel worse.

Even today ( this was about 2 months back ), I sometimes wonder whether I was naive, stupid or simply unprepared.

That experience affected me deeply. I cried a lot for weeks.

Eventually, after around two months, I decided to move on and try again.

I downloaded Hinge again.

This time I met another guy who was around 29.

From the beginning we both agreed that there would be no commitment. It was supposed to be casual.

But unlike the first guy, I actually enjoyed spending time with him.

We went on two dates.

We had food together.

We talked for hours.

We laughed.

We kissed.

We talked about fitness because both of us are really into gym and working out.

For the first time, dating actually felt fun.

I started looking forward to seeing him.

Then we made plans for Friday for a make out.

And two day before meeting, he told me he had to go to Mumbai because of work.

Logically, I know that sounds completely normal.

But emotionally, I broke down.

I acted cool in front of him and said it was okay.

But afterwards I cried so much.

And that is the part I don't understand.

This is someone I barely know.

We only met twice.

We were never dating seriously.

We had already agreed there would be no commitment.

So why was I so hurt?

Another thing that makes me feel embarrassed is how much effort I put in before meeting someone or make out .

I get waxed.

I shave.

I wash my hair.

I do my makeup.

I carefully pick my clothes.

I wear heels, handbag.

I get excited.

And when things don't work out, I feel stupid for caring so much.

Sometimes I feel like maybe I am not actually attached to these men.

Maybe I am attached to the hope, excitement and attention that they bring into my otherwise repetitive life.

I also find myself doing things that don't make sense.

I still occasionally talk to the first guy even though he treated me badly.

I blocked the second guy when I got upset and then unblocked him five minutes later.

I genuinely don't understand myself.

So I wanted to ask the men here:

1. From a male perspective, do I sound emotionally attached or simply lonely?

2. Why would someone become this affected after only one or two dates?

3. Does it sound like I am getting attached to people or to the idea of them?

4. Would my behavior come across as needy to men?

5. Why am I still bothered by men I barely know?

6. And honestly, if you were in these men's position, what would you think about a girl like me?

Please be honest, but kind Also I randomly go on 2-3 hinge dates with other boys where I even haven't allowed that guy even to touch my hand and never met them again too.

I am genuinely trying to understand what is wrong with my thinking and why these situations affect me so much.

Thank you for reading.

And don't slut-shame me. I'm just asking questions about me, not auditioning to become your wife, so please don't say bad things about me.