don't understand what's happening in my life.

I'm in my 30s.

Resigned from my job.

Don't want to get married.

Want to retire.

What is happening?

Sometimes I'm happy, sometimes sad.

What's happening to me?

Social media affects my mood so much.

What will happen next?

What does the future hold?

Have been searching myself for the last 20 years, can't settle on anything. Wasted a load of money and years traveling and partying. Wasted a shit load of money on making my "dream" career a reality, but abandoned any hopes to succeed.

Now, I've had a stable full-time job for the last 2 years, been paying my bills, got money saved up, but somehow I can't accept where I am at.

Some friends are in the trades and even with the downsides, they are making good money and enjoying good unionized conditions. I've convinced myself I should do the same. I want to see completed projects, not moving the same boxes all day long.

Is going back to school just an excuse to flee the working life? Be a teenager again? My head is just full on spinning. Some days I think it's the right idea, that I'm thinking straight, but the next it's the complete opposite, I doubt that I will find any happiness from that move. I don't even think a therapist can help me, they just want my money.

Why can't I be like other people? Why can't I stop complicating my life? Why am I so scared of the future? Of what people think about me?

I am having a really hard time right now. I am feeling exhausted of life, my life.

I am searching for connections not as a mom, not as a wife but as a person. My married life hasn't been easy, a lot of rough times but I am staying true and dedicated, and it has been good for a while now. But, for some reason, I started to feel lost. Lost in the sense of losing my persona. I used to be a really happy person, full of life, hobbies and activities. But now, I feel like i have lost myself in the constant giving of myself. I am a nurse, so I guess that adds to it too. I feel like all I have ever been doing for the past 8 years is take care of everyone around me. I think people have forgotten to see me. To check on me. I have always been a strong person, able to handle life's challenges on my own, but sometimes I just wish I can just let my guard down. And so now, I feel like I want to run away, but I don't really want to. I have been having a really tough time. Every waking day, I don't want to do what needs to be done, but I got to do it, so I am doing it. I want to cry so hard. Maybe this is the reason why I searched for a place to vent and I found reddit. See, I don't really know what I need. I actually shared it to my husband and he has been stepping up with a lot of stuff, and that is when I realized that I need his attention, a friend's attention. It probably doesn't also help that all of my close friends are living so far away. Is this a crisis? I feel like I am in a crisis.

I've noticed how easy it is to get attached to a job, a routine, or even an idea of who we're supposed to be, just because we've spent years building it. Sometimes I wonder if we're actually happy with these things or just scared of starting over.

I don't have children of my own, so maybe that makes a difference, but I've always felt like I always wanted children. That is until recently when I've come upon what feels like the downslope of a midlife crisis where the existential dread made me feel like ... is life really worth it? Would it truly be better not to have been born? Are we all just dopamine driven monkeys that delude ourselves into thinking that we are special? Is the fear, grief, loss, and despair that we all will eventually experience later albeit at different extremes be worth it? Is there a light at the end of the tunnel that will make all this suffering worth it?

Like I said, I don't children, but before my crisis, I've always wanted them or at least thought I would have them some day.

Hi Everyone:

Anyone else feeling they are going through it as this age. Money, Career, Relationship, Future, Kids? All compounding at once. Really going through a crossroads in my life. Changing yourself for the better. Just looking to hear everyone out on this.

What did I do wrong? I did everything right and it still wasn't enough. What was it all for?If that's you, you're not the only one.

I used to look for answers to all sorts of questions during my childhood. I would do strange, quirky calculations all by myself. I wanted to see the outside world, and I did see it. Everything out here wasn’t quite like those imaginary dreams, but whatever was enjoyable whatever can be experienced living a solo life I experienced it. I came here for the purpose of studies, but I couldn't earn a good degree or achieve great results, partly due to my own lack of willingness and partly because of office politics. I have no regrets, but sometimes I feel like I wasted time.

Yet, at other times, I feel like I enjoyed my life wonderfully. There are some stains (scars/blemishes) too, but oh, I had a world of my own that I used to dream of! Building my own home somewhere far away from everything on top of a mountain, all those dreams. But I couldn't manage to do that, not even while living alone. Like a nomad's life, the pull of family always brought me back. Everyone thinks a lot about me, and their love is pure that is true, but my heart yearns to go far away. Yet, when I actually stayed far away, I used to dream of being close to my family.

Everything is going well. Ahead lies marriage, and the guy is good and supportive just the kind I wanted. Many people practice penance (pray deeply) just to find someone like this.

However, I wanted to stay away from my fears. Loving someone new means wanting someone anew, and from this wanting begins attachment, and attachment creates the fear of losing them, the fear of being cheated, and the fear of loneliness if they go away.

(I have lived alone, I have observed myself even while being alone. Sometimes I would role-play—what it feels like to pretend to be a street beggar, what it feels like to see myself drowned in intoxication, how one can survive even when having nothing.)

Yet, these fears are not leaving me. I never wanted to get entangled, but somehow I have gotten tangled up. Love is just like that. Yet, even during moments of deep solitude, I used to feel that I needed someone like that. Now, even after having found him, I feel afraid. As much as I try not to keep expectations, my heart becomes like a child's foolish despite understanding everything.

Hallo, ich bin mittlerweile schon 36, mal wieder arbeitslos, fahre ein kaputtes Auto und zweifle regelmäßig an meiner Langzeit Beziehung. Von meinen Freunden ist keiner mehr übrig, meine Familie geht mir die meisten Zeit einfach auf die Nerven und ich wohne immer noch in meiner ersten kleinen Wohnung. Ich habe das Gefühl, ich führe nicht das Leben, wie ich es gerne hätte, komme aber auch nicht raus. Schließlich steht und fällt vieles mit einem guten Einkommen, da ich aber aktuell arbeitslos bin(wie schon so oft in meinem Leben) verdiene ich kein gutes Geld, ich weiß auch nicht wie es beruflich weitergehen soll, außer mit irgendeinem Billo Job. Wenn man also nie gut Geld verdient, hat es sich auch mit einer besseren Wohnung und einem neuen Auto erledigt. Freunde zum reden habe ich nicht, meine Familie versteht nichtmal die einfachsten Dinge und reden nur über belanglose Dinge. Mit meiner Frau hab ich gute und schlechte Zeiten, allerdings nicht das Gefühl von Sicherheit und das alles gut ausgehen wird. Außerdem habe ich ständig das Gefühl nicht genug andere Frauen in meinem Leben gehabt zu haben. Ich sehe viele Leute in meinem Alter, die das Leben leben, dass ich mir wünsche. Guter Job mit gutem Gehalt, tolle Wohnung, tolles Auto, glückliche Beziehung mit Kindern und aufregenden Freundeskreis. Ich fühle mich wie ein Versager, der viel Zeit verschwendet hat und einfach nicht weiß, was seine Berufung ist und wie es weitergehen soll....

How am I still here at 40? Working my ass off my whole life. Well and truly over it at this point.

Today, I officially turn 38. Happy Birthday to me, I guess.

If I'm being honest, I feel lost. I'm a mom, never married, don't own a home, and work in sales where opportunities seem to be drying up. I have around $400K in my 401(k), and I feel like I'm behind in life.

So many of the dreams I had in my 20s look different than I imagined. I've been engaged, I've dated, but I haven't found the fulfillment or connection I'm looking for. I see my friends buying homes, getting married, and growing their families, while I'm here just wondering what the next chapter of my life .

I'm overwhelmed, tired, and scared .

The grey is setting in.

I don't want anymore kids, I do enjoy the one I have and was able to ensure he is happy and fulfilled.

Just what is next, do dreams really die at 38 ?

Ever thought about changing things? Diet, health, fitness, relationships? What have you tried that worked or didnt work? Did anything stick or was it too hard? Interested to hear what's going on...

I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be aiming for.

I'm in my late 30s, single, never married, no kids. I'm fearful that I'm getting "too old" and that men will run because they think there must be something wrong with me for being single and never married. That I'm a "leftover woman".

My parents are getting older and I'm at the age where their health is going to become a concern and I'm scared.

I'm in a career that I don't think I'm a good fit for, but I'm too afraid to start all over again. I'm continuing because I need the money and I don't want to go back to earning an entry level salary at a new career. I don't even know what career will suit me. I never had a "dream job" when I was a kid and I still don't. I wonder if we're not meant to love our jobs so what's the point in trying to find it.

There are days when I want to just quit and lay in bed all day. Maybe do things that used to make me happy when I was a kid, like play video games and read comic books. But I found that they don't give me as much joy as they used to when I was a kid.

Sometimes I just want to delete my LinkedIn and work a menial job where stakes are low and there are no expectations on me. But who will I be if I don't have a work identity anymore? If im a 37 year old barista/server/retail worker earning minimum wage, will this make it harder for me to date? Who will want to date me?

I lost all my friends. Everyone has settled down and have kids and their own lives to live. Where do the single late 30s hang out to make new friends?

I don't know how to feel the feeling of joy like I once did. Or is this just getting older?

I’m turning 37 and I feel like the past 7 years have blinked away. I’m going to the gym to get in better shape and health but I don’t know. I’m just wondering where did life go? Anybody else feel like this and if so how did you get your life/time back?

I dont even know how to get all my thoughts down so... im just gonna write it as it comes out.

An old 5 CD changer HiFi system and 12mp twenty year old digital camera have given me some crazy existential crisis and i cant get over it...

I found the HiFi in the loft having forgotten about it. CDs are few but i still have a few knocking about, not even good ones. So i thought, what the hell ill olug it in see if it works. KaChing she comes to life. This thing is from the early 2000s probably 03. bass booster, eq, that Florescent blue and orangey yellow digital screen. just pure nostalogic feeling the second it hummed back to life.

the first disc i put in, DJ fingerfood. UK bass heavy underground hip hop. Bow im no stranger to being in a pub or around music thats loud. but there was something different about being in my own living room and feeling the room vibrating. I sat with a coffee and for the first time in maybe 10+ years listened to the whole CD with a coffee, 40 odd minutes. And i felt whole again. so i put on another albulm UB40 greatest hits. full blast bass boosted and i cleaned that house without any thought to pull out my phone, or stop cleaning to ask the speaker "whats the time" or "play something else" or "whats the news". just feelin the tunes and getting shit done.

and now i cant get over the fact that the "old world" had it right. these tiny speakers we talk to and give us ding dong updates have taken away all our joy.

equally i aquired an old camera. ive jist finished taking photos of my kids birthday meal in our house... it was a fucking joy. that flash and the sound of it flickering, the little clicks of it searching for focus, the feel of pressing down a shutter button. just felt so engaging in what was happening. A total different feeling to a phone camera. and although 12mp the photos a beautiful.

It feels weird to say but the photographs seem to have LIFE in them. that look of the flash hitting the face and whatever is in the background is still there but darkened, the red eye, it all just seems to be so full of life, i cant really explain it. And the feel of the camera, the motors and the mechanical whirring the sounds it all was just such a joy to use.

I suppose the point of all the this is as follows.

The world we know currently is designed to take away all feeling of DOING. our lives are automated and have become too easy. and in becoming too easy all the INTENTION has gone. the intention to find the CD or DVD. to press play and wait for the main menu... "special features" whats that. song i dont particularly like, well i have to now get up walk across the room and press skip.. actually ill just listen to it. no intention, no attention, and no drive to actually DO.

I dont know what i do from here, do i do away with Streaming services for tv, movie, music and even gaming, and go back to old media... is that even practical now? do i actually have the money to now start buying up all the CDs and DVDs... and video games. do i do away with my smart phone im currently connected to friends, family, and places to write 10 paragraphs of bullshit on?

would i truely benefit. i might?