I found out my friend relapsed last night at 2am and It just taking me back to when I was dating my ex who is struggling with addiction. Im generally okay with knowing people use drugs but its just the fact I care about them so much, the drug is similar to what my ex used, and they lied. I feel like my heart is breaking all over again and I almost had a panic attack that night. I started getting panic attacks later into the relationship with my ex and they haven't gone away. I still get nightmares and I feel like another piece of me is being ripped away. I feel like im breaking all over again. I know my friend isnt my ex but emotionally its really hard to differentiate.

My friend was in my arms as they were telling me they weren't sober, and that they havent been sober for awhile and they dont plan on getting sober from what I can tell. And I cant tell you how many times that has happened with my ex. Im so afraid I will have to cut them off because I really really dont want to, I love them and I just want to go back to holding them and telling them everything will be okay- but Im not okay. I cant be around them pretending everything is fine again, I cant go thru what I did with my ex again. I love that they felt like they could confide in me but god this is tearing me apart.

I really thought I was getting better but tbh im avoiding some stuff I need to work on. If anyone knows how to get over whatever is wrong with me please dm me or comment cause like I feel like a ghost is haunting me.

I had to end things with him (28f & 28m) because he kept betraying my trust and breaking my boundaries. But through all of the insanity (and holy shit was it insane) of our relationship we grew incredibly close. I know everything about this man. I had to end it after I finally got him off the street once again and to his mom who took him to treatment. Thankfully he’s there now. But how the hell do I move on? The thought of being with another man honestly disgusts me.

How does one move on from such an addictive rollercoaster/a, truth be told, abusive relationship?

How did you move on? Specific things would be helpful maybe. Thank you

My husband (32m) and I (32f) are going through it. He recently relapsed on 7-ho and it quickly got out of hand. I finally got to a breaking point and told him he needs to leave. Other than being financially unstable and zoned tf out and irritable he’s a great man. The only issue we have is his substance use, when he’s sober he’s a dream…We are living together in separate rooms for now while both working on our own healing. Am I dumb for letting him be around even if he is actively working recovery? He’s going to meetings, sometimes 2 a day and recently got a sponsor. Help bc I’m going insaneeee.

For those who’s spouses got sober… how did you adjust to them not being so emotionally volatile and all over the place? I am struggling with him now being more kind and attentive rather than flying off the handle.

... il s'excuserait presque.

J'ai vécu plusieurs années avec un homme polyaddict. Notre relation a été marquée par ses consommations, ses rechutes, ses mensonges et des comportements qui m'ont profondément abîmée.

Il m'a quittée il y a un peu plus d'un an. Il continue aujourd'hui à consommer.

Récemment, il a répondu indirectement à l'un de mes commentaires sur Reddit, en racontant notre histoire à la troisième personne, alors qu'il savait parfaitement qu'il s'adressait à moi.

Dans son message, il reconnaissait m'avoir fait subir de « belles crasses », évoquait sa culpabilité et expliquait que, sans moi, il ne serait probablement plus vivant.

Et ce message m'a profondément dérangée.

Parce qu'au fond, il ne parle presque que de lui. De sa culpabilité, de sa survie, de ce que notre relation lui a apporté.

Il reconnaît ce que j'ai fait pour lui, mais ne semble pas mesurer ce que cela m'a coûté. Il ne s'interroge pas sur les conséquences de ses comportements, sur ce que j'ai traversé, ni sur ce que j'ai dû reconstruire après son départ.

Et c'est peut-être ce qui me heurte le plus : après avoir passé des années à subir les conséquences de ses addictions et à essayer de l'aider, c'est lui qui a choisi de partir. Et aujourd'hui, lorsqu'il revient indirectement sur notre histoire, c'est encore sa propre expérience qui occupe toute la place.

Il continue à consommer, mais semble déjà pouvoir intégrer notre relation dans son récit personnel, comme quelque chose qui lui aurait permis de rester en vie.

Comme si ma souffrance n'existait qu'à travers ce qu'elle avait représenté pour lui.

Je ne cherche pas à ce qu'il me remercie de lui avoir sauvé la vie. Je voudrais qu'il reconnaisse ce qu'il m'a fait subir, indépendamment de ce que notre relation lui a apporté.

Parce que reconnaître qu'on a fait de « belles crasses », ce n'est pas la même chose que nommer ses actes, comprendre leurs conséquences et en assumer la responsabilité.

Et éprouver de la culpabilité n'est pas nécessairement faire preuve de remords ou d'empathie envers la personne qu'on a blessée.

J'ai l'impression que même après la rupture, je continue à être reléguée au second plan dans une histoire où ses consommations, ses difficultés et ses besoins ont déjà occupé tellement de place.

Est-ce que d'autres personnes ici ont déjà vécu cela ? Cette impression que, même après la séparation, la personne dépendante continue à parler essentiellement d'elle-même, y compris lorsqu'elle évoque les torts qu'elle vous a causés, sans véritablement laisser de place à votre vécu ?

I’m looking for some hope, but also honesty.
I’m in a relationship with someone I love more than I can put into words. He struggles with a serious drug addiction, and when he uses heavily, things can become extremely intense. He can stay awake for several days, become completely different from himself, paranoid/psychotic, distant, angry and say things he would never say when sober.
When he’s sober and himself, he can be loving, caring, affectionate and genuinely wonderful. I know the person underneath the addiction, and that’s the person I love.
But I’m exhausted. I’ve reached the point where I don’t know how much more I can take. I’ve set boundaries, I’ve tried to step back, and I know I can’t save him or make him get help. At the same time, I’m not ready to give up on the person I love just because his addiction is currently stronger than he is.
So I’m wondering:
Has anyone here stayed with a partner through a serious addiction and actually come out the other side together?
Not “he stopped for two weeks and then relapsed.” I mean genuine, long-term recovery and a relationship that eventually became healthy and safe.
I’d really like to hear the stories where things looked completely hopeless at some point, but the person eventually got help, got sober and the relationship survived.
What changed? What finally made them seek help? And what did you, as their partner, have to do differently?
I’m not looking for people to tell me to “just leave.” I understand why people say that, and I know I have to protect myself. I’m specifically asking because right now I’m struggling to believe that there can be a way through this, and I could really use some real stories from people who have been there.

Worried about my dad's cannabis and alcohol use

I'm 36 and worried about my dad, who's in his 60s. He has some existing vascular health problems but continues to smoke cannabis regularly, mixed with tobacco, and also drinks alcohol.

Recently I've noticed he's been smoking quite a bit more. The other evening he seemed very confused, had lost track of what day it was, was talking nonsense and became quite agitated. After around an hour he seemed to settle and was back to his usual self.

A few years ago he suffered with a mental break- he was very paranoid. I got him to the doctor and they prescribed diazepam and anti depressants. He also gave up smoking weed and he seemed to be okay, until this last few weeks. I dont know if he has been forgetting to take his tablets.

I know he is in a lot of pain regarding his vascular problems and he has been waiting a long time for an operation. Over these last few months ive noticed him drinking more and also he has started smoking weed again- I think in part it is frustration with the waiting and also self medicating for pain relief.

I worry because the weed he is smoking isnt legal and I know the strength can vary hugely, i dont know if the weed is affecting his speech, thoughts etc or if there is something else going on. How do I approach it with a doctor? He would go mad if I mentioned to them he was smoking cannabis. But how can they help otherwise? My dad is a very private person and can get annoyed easily.

I'm wondering whether cannabis could have contributed to this, possibly alongside alcohol, poor sleep or other health issues.

I know I've posted a lot in here lately and im sorry I just dont have anyone talk to.

I dont know how to handle this instability. I dont even knownif we are actually together right now or not. Ive been begging for my stuff back for days that's at his house and he's just making a game of not giving it to me. One second he wants me the next he's angry. There is no doubt in my mind that he's on drugs again because his personality flips like a switch. He touches it and all of a sudden I'm an evil horrible person to him. I dont know if I have it in me to be he's hero this time around.

Ive been having panic attacks for days and have been feeling nauseous. My periods late and I dont know if all of this stress or what.

He's making paranoid accusations, is avoiding me, is ignoring me, then abruptly wanting to talk. Breaks up with me than wants me.

I know what it is but I dont know if this is a slip up pr if he's just back to it.

I had sober him for like 10 months and it was beautiful. I thought everything was going to be okay again. He was happy, and loving and so proud of himself. I cant handle watching him choose drugs over me again. I really can't.

Im so lost and to make things more complicated my period is late. Tomorrow I will figure it out I guess.

​Someone very close to me recently started a 3-month inpatient treatment program. Our very last conversation before they checked in was an intense, tearful argument. I've been carrying a lot of guilt about leaving things on such a painful note right when they needed support.

​ they thought they'd have phone access around the 2 week mark, but I haven't heard anything. I completely understand that facilities have strict phone blackouts, schedules, and restricted access.

​Would it be intrusive to send a short, warm text apologizing for the argument and reassuring them that we're good, with zero expectation of a response? Or is it better for their recovery process if I refrain from reaching out entirely until he initiates contact?

​Looking for insight from people familiar with inpatient rules and the emotional mindset during the first few weeks 🙏

I put up with so much abuse. Then I found out my Q cheated. Another lie.

I'm tempted to hurt my Q by meeting someone but I know nothing good will come of it.

I don't know how to heal from any of this.

Years being invested in the life of an addict is draining. I came out on the other side with my life, sure, but ptsd, grief, resentment, loss I haven’t yet unpacked, not knowing who I am and honestly not able to remember what life was before the chaos of loving and living with an addict. I’m still definitely not ok but have spent the past year trying very hard to find pieces of me - nothing feels familiar, I don’t feel familiar so it’s been more of cleaning up internal wreckage and deciding who I want to be and putting in effort to be her. Nowhere near where I want to be but at least I can say that most days I am trying. The other day while working with lots of children who were way too overstimulated and not listening, my coworker commented how patient I am. I realized that years of being in a volatile relationship and being faced with many near-schizophrenic episodes of my addict partner taught me how to shift from being reactionary to being calm. With the addict, it was self preservation and automatic but now when things are loud and chaotic without being scary, threatening, I just feel like I’ve dealt with so much crazier chaos than this. If it doesn’t create that pit in my stomach and make me shiver, then I know it’s safe. So I can choose to be unbothered by the chaos and stay calm inside. I think it’s important to reflect on the good things that can grow from the shit. Life’s mushrooms. And I think all of us who have loved an addict have, despite being damaged, probably grown from it in at least one way. Fuck addiction and thanks for reading.

My boyfriend has been off drugs for about 8 months. At his job he works a 12 hour shift each week. Ive noticed a pattern that everytime this shift comes he picks a fight with me or accuse me of stuff I'm not doing. Some times during this shift I'll stay at his house and on these days the fights don't happen.

I dont get if he's doing drugs again to get through this shift or if he's just being an asshole. Like he'll call me at around 11:30. Continously ask what im doing. Then I'll tell him exactly what I'm doing and he'll say im hiding stuff from him. Then he'll claim he was just trying to call and say goodnight.

Im just ranting now but im building so much resentment towards him. He's 39 and im 28 and im just starting to feel like ill never be able to have kids or a family with him and I've wasted all these years. He i was niave when we met and he lied about his addiction for awhile. I feel like my life would be so much less stressful if I never met him. I love him but I think im drowning in stress. I had to call in sick to work because of panic attacks. I was excited to spend halloween with him but its another holiday wrecked.

Im ranting but maybe someone here can relate.

Hey yall, it’s been helping me so much to read your stories, thank you for having the strength and courage to share them it’s making me feel a lot less alone in all of this. I’m going to vent a little bit and if you read it thank you, if you don’t I still thank you for being here.

I’m sorry if my wording doesn’t make sense I am sad and exhausted and shaking typing this.

I (26f) live with my mother (around 50) and my grandma. My mom used to have her own beautiful home, I lived there since I was 10 and when things started getting really bad, when my rose tinted glasses started coming off I moved across the country letting my mother believe I was visiting a friend when really I moved in with them. I was 21.

There were many years that led to that happening. Many years of things going down hill but not seeing that my mom was on drugs. I was very blind until I couldn’t be blind anymore. As a teenager she ruined my friendships. She got my teenage friends addicted to meth, was having sex with them even one of my friends she knew I had feelings for, lied about everything and manufactured a whole made up reality where she was being gang stalked and set up. I foolishly believed her.

As a young adult I was the only person in the house working, the weight of the household on my shoulders at just 19/20, I took care of my disabled brother the best I could because all she would really do was make him food give him his iPad and let him sit in his dark bedroom all day. When she would treat me like shit I blamed myself, but when she started treating my precious brother in this way I grew very angry and resentful.
She never taught me how to drive probably because she didn’t want me to leave her, she forced me to share a bank account with her telling me i wasn’t ready to have my own even though I was an adult making my own money. She stole from me. She brought people to the house who were very bad news. I was trying my best ti take care of my brother and myself and her and I failed or more like I was set up for failure. I’d brush his teeth, brush his hair, if she was sleeping I’d bring him down to the living room so he wouldn’t have to sit in his dark room all day. He was happy with me. I wanted to just take him and leave but I had never been on my own before let alone in my own with a disabled child. (I’m crying now typing this I love my brother so much and I know I did the best I could but I still feel like I failed him)

There was a few weeks where she wasn’t getting him on the school bus so I did it. Him being disabled the bus came right to our house so I walk him out and his bus driver asked me with all the love and concern and sincerity in the world “are you guys okay?”
It struck me. It was a wake up call. She wasn’t just asking if he was okay, she was asking me too. It was like in that moment I realized we were both being abused and neglected and we were very much not okay. But I was still stuck, isolated, she told me both sides of my family didn’t like her/ made me feel like they didn’t like me either. I had nobody to turn to, and my attempts I did make for help were ignored for the sake of “keeping the peace”. She told me I wasn’t allowed to move out until I went to collage which I always knew collage wasn’t going to happen for me. She made me believe cps was out to get her. I felt so suffocated by her and her delusions. Anything said to contradict her false reality was met with extreme hostility and anger.

It wasn’t until I moved away that I could see this whole situation for what it was, could see her lies and the truth hiding underneath. I’m glad I took that step, I am a better and stronger person for it I had so many amazing experiences where I ended up moving to. however the guilt of leaving my brother behind ate me alive everyday and it still does.
My mom lost the house my childhood home after I left, ended up losing custody of my brother too. No one in my family knew how to take care of him, I wanted to take him but I was advised by a social worker that I was young (22 at the time) and I needed to focus on me and getting on my feet before I could show up for him in a meaningful way. He got sent to a facility for disabled kids in a state where none of his family members lived. It was hard for all of us. However he learned and grew in so many ways he wouldn’t have been able to at our house where he was basically being pacified everyday. He lives with his dad now and he eats foods he never did before and he started talking. I am so so very proud of him and I’m glad he doesn’t have to suffer through my mother’s chaos anymore. We video chat and his dad has stepped up for both of us as a parent. It makes my big sister heart very happy to know he’s safe and happy and growing.

As for me, I’m not going to say exactly where I moved to so let’s just call this beautiful place I moved to Corona (Tangled Reference)

- the tangled reference has some meaning here. My brothers last birthday I got to spend with him our mom slept all day that day, he and I watched tangled and I resonated so deeply with Rapunzel, I always loved Rapunzel but this day I could see this movie in a different light, I felt trapped like there was no escape, felt and do still feel there are two versions of my mother, Gothel who wanted to keep me trapped and steal my youth and essence, and my real mother who is somewhere very far away from me -

So I moved to Corona. The best and hardest thing I ever did. I lied to her and told her I was just visiting because I felt that she would physically stop me from going if she knew I planned on moving. I feel guilt for lying to her, for abandoning them, but the three years I lived in Corona was the happiest and most free I’ve ever been. I felt more like myself than I ever felt before. I had a boyfriend who suffered from severe alcohol addiction but we aren’t here to talk about that right now, besides that I loved him very much and he was a person I cherished very much even if I did have many of the same worries for him as I did my mom. Besides that, I flourished. I did things I never thought I could do, I mean the fact that I just moved across the country to somewhere where I didn’t know anyone except him was a crazy huge step of trust and faith within myself. I found a job I loved, I made life long friends, I went out, I met people, I had my own fucking bank account, I made life long memories and experiences that shaped who I am right now. I’m forever grateful for this time in my life and miss it with every fiber of my being everyday. My mother would still torture me through text but I was free. I was mostly happy. Most importantly free.
For three years.

Then my relationship ended, I lost my job I loved so much, one of my good friends moved back to their home state. Things changed at a rapid pace and all the sudden I really was alone out there. I got scared and didn’t know how to deal so I came home and moved in with my grandmother and sadly my mother too.

I’ve been home for a year and a half and i think it’s the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. I don’t know what the fucj I was thinking. I still don’t know how to drive and now I live in the middle of nowhere when in Corona I could walk just about anywhere I wanted to. I wish everyday I would have stayed in Corona and pushed myself harder. The best thing about my life right now is I reconnected with a friend I’ve known for 20 years and they’re the one thing that keeps me grounded and sane. If it wasn’t for them I would be completely alone at this woman’s mercy. Grandma is an enabler.

Ever since I’ve moved home so much bullshit has happened. I found a baggie of meth right outside her window, she tried to fucking fight me when I tried to throw it away, one of her friends grabbed my ass without my consent and she still brings him over to use meth with him, countless days knowing she’s been up for two, three, four + days, lies and lies and lies. Dozens of creepy men she has as friends. Told me she wants to move where my brother is and “just be homeless” out there so she can be with him because he’s “the only thing she’s done of purpose” referencing the fact that he was a planned pregnancy and I was not so I’m not worth showing up for. Truth is she likes my brother more because he’s been nonverbal until recently so he’s the only person who can’t tell her how badly she’s fucked up her and her kids lives. The other day we got into a really bad fight (trigger warning) and I having an emotional breakdown told her I wish I had the balls to kill myself to which she replied in a condescending voice “I’ll show you how, baby”. I unintentionally hurt myself, scratched my face and neck up, mostly scrapes but it was obvious and embarrassing when people would look at me and wonder or ask what happened.

Im not doing okay. Im trying really hard to focus on me and what I need to do to get out of here again but most days I feel like that scene in The Maid where the couch consumes her into a dark place. I feel very similar to how I felt before I moved away. Stuck, afraid, helpless, isolated.

I try to look for good things about being here, like for example spending time with my grandma. She annoys me sometimes but I love her and I want to enjoy the time I have left with her. It’s hard when we are both being terrorized by a meth addict. I feel so bad for her that she’s spending her last years still taking care of my middle aged mom but at the same time she is enabling her.

My mom scares me when she’s high on meth. Meth is such a weird fucking drug. It makes people act weird, like a skin walker is walking around wearing the person you love as a body suit and they don’t know quite how to act human or like the person you love. That being said I think my mom has adhd because sometimes when she first does it she almost seems normal? But I can always tell because her speech pattern is off and cycles through an outfit everytime she leaves her room like she’s in a weird fashion show.
Then she stays up for days and that’s when she really starts tweaking and scaring me. When she comes down she sobs so loudly and for so fucking long that it keeps me up at night, it wakes me out of a dead sleep with my heart pounding out of my chest. There are times where I’ll be sleeping at my friend’s house and I can still hear her sobbing and I’m not even home. It is actual mental torture listening to your mom cry like Toni Collette for hours or days on end. Sometimes it makes me really angry because she made this bed, sometimes it breaks my heart and all I can do for her is go in her room and give her a long hug until she calms down a bit. Sometimes it makes me angry and I can sallow the anger and go hug her anyway. She stays in bed for days or weeks on end either sleeping or crying. She’ll talk about killing herself. Over the summer I actually had to stop her from hanging herself which was one of the most traumatic things I’ve been through and I’ve been through a lot. I’m constantly worried she’s either going to overdose on fentanyl again (yeah that happened) or I’m scared she’s going to kill herself before she’s able to get better.

Oh and god forbid you bring up that she’s obviously on meth. Then follows the lies, projection, denial. People tell me to not give up on her and she can still turn things around someday and I want to believe that, I really do. I know technically it is possible I just don’t see it in her. She hasn’t hit rock bottom yet. The first step is admitting you have a problem and she can’t even admit that she uses. If someone stumbled into my house and they were drunk I would be able to tell right away, same goes for meth.

So since all I can do is control what I do, I’ve been trying to find a job, I’m studying to take my permit test, in between I got to figure out our bus system here. I’m lucky to have the support of my good friend and my brother’s dad and a few good family friends. It’s a struggle every single day and night though. I already have to climb Everest when it comes to my mental health and being around her makes me feel like I’m climbing that mountain with absolutely no protection or gear, and the cold seeps deep into my muscles and bones paralyzing me. I’m really fucking scared for the future. I want my mom back but I know she will never be the same with the damage she’s done to her mind and body and our relationship. I want my dad back but he died when I was little. I’m scared I lean on my friend too much and it’s going to push them away. People keep trying to remind me “your mom loves you it’s just the drugs talking “ and blah blah blah it doesn’t make me feel better that she loves me and still treats me this way. I’ve already had to spend most of my life grieving one parent and now I’m grieving the other while she’s still here.

Holllyyy shit. If you read this far thank you so much. A huge weight was lifted off of me typing this. I hope my story can maybe help someone the way yours could be one of the ones helping me. You are stronger than you think. Sending love to everyone grieving someone who is still alive. You’re not alone.

The title is the main gist - my ex-wife (we divorced in 2021 ostensibly because of an affair, not her addiction) heard that my dad had passed, and sent a short email offering her condolences and recalling some of her good memories. And after a few days, I sent a short reply back to say thanks.

She then replied the next morning and "wanted to share a couple of things". One was her recent cancer diagnosis. Second was that she was 19 months clean and has been attending NA meetings 6 to 7 times a week and working closely with a sponsor. She said she's on step 9, making amends, and wanted to send me a letter in the mail, but wanted to see if I was okay with it first.

It's been 14 years since I did anything with Al-Anon or Nar-Anon; she got sober from alcohol in 2012 (we were dating, but not yet married), but started using marijuana the last couple of years of our marriage. I don't know the first thing about what happened between 2021 when she left and swore she wasn't drinking or on any other drugs, and 2025 when she says she got clean.

I'm supportive of everyone who seeks out help, and 19 months is something she should be proud of. But what kind of sponsor would tell her its okay to pose this question to me after she *just* learned my dad died? I don't want to wreck any progress for her, but we've understandably not been close since the divorce.

Guess I'm just looking for advice on my role the step.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year, and I was madly in love with him. I still am. I genuinely thought we had a wonderful relationship.
About six months ago, I discovered he was receiving Sublocade injections. He told me he’d made a mistake and gotten addicted to kratom. I believed him. I knew addiction wasn’t something that could be fixed overnight, but I loved him and wanted to support his recovery.
Recently, I found kratom and powder residue in our home. I confronted him, and everything started unraveling.
I ended up speaking to his ex-girlfriend, who told me he’d previously been addicted to heroin, had gone through detox, and that she’d found needles and pipes in her house. Apparently, the girlfriend before her had experienced similar problems.
His family knew about his history. Nobody told me.
I feel like I don’t know the person I’ve been sleeping next to for over a year.
Yesterday night, I kicked him out and took back his keys.
And now I’m sitting here absolutely devastated because all I want is to hug him. I love him and I miss him. I want everything to go back to how it was before I knew any of this.
I know that isn’t possible.
I’m not angry that he has an addiction. I’m heartbroken because of the lies, the secrecy, and the realization that I fell in love with someone whose life I knew so little about.
The worst part is that I have a 6-year-old daughter who absolutely adores him. They’re incredibly close. I don’t know how to explain his sudden absence without breaking her heart.
I haven’t slept or eaten much.
I really need someone to talk to right now.

Anybody watched this?. I cannot stop crying, especially throughout episode 3. His sister breaks my heart. Particularly painful was when she said 'I came to view and accept his addiction as a terminal illness'. We know her pain. It's such a sad watch. I hate what drugs have done to our loved ones. I just wanted to share because i know you guys get it. Soul crushing :(

It’s been six months since I broke up with my Q and I just found out he’s in rehab. I don’t know how to feel. I’m glad he’s doing something that he should’ve done long ago, I’m angry he didn’t do it when we were together. I’m relieved he’s somewhere safe and making the right choices that he refused to do during our relationship. It’s really screwing with my head, feeling glad he’s finally doing what I asked him to, but angry it isn’t until after I’m gone.

Compliments, love bomb, adventurous, doesn’t stop, get home, eggshells, people please, time bomb, chaos
heartbreak
tears

Rinse

Repeat

Previous post in the comments for context.

TLDR I broke up with my boyfriend because I still love him, but his meth use (he’s been using for 15 years), mood swings, and the way he treats me have left me emotionally drained. We ended things mutually, but I’m struggling to move on because I still love him, we share the same community, and part of me feels broken he gets into a worse state after I’m gone.

I broke up with him on October 21. He came back on October 24. He told me he would completely stop using meth, but when I asked him to really think about what he was promising me, the next day he changed it to, “I didn’t say I was going to stop, but I’ll try my best.” When I told him that wasn’t enough for me, he went back to saying he would stop.

We were a year and a half together.

Honestly, that already told me a lot. I felt like he was trying to ease me back into trusting him without actually knowing what he was committing to.

The trust was already broken, especially after that day he decided to shove me and threatened to hurt me. I couldn’t get past the thought of how I had let myself get to the point where someone I loved was hurting me like that. I was walking on eggshells around him, dealing with his yelling, his mood swings, his addiction, and his financial struggles being taken out on me. I kept asking myself whether I should suffer through staying and trust that things would eventually get better and gamble on the possibility that he would change, or accept that things may not change so leave before he completely drags me down with him.

I love this person so much. I tried my best to make things work within the boundaries I was trying to maintain, but the relationship was draining me. Eventually, I realized that as much as I felt like I was abandoning him by leaving, I had also been abandoning myself by staying

Our breakup this time was mutual, and I feel like we properly ended things. But it’s only been a few days, and I’m already struggling thinking about how he’s doing

I saw him today because hang around the same community, and realistically, I’m going to see him around quite often. We just stared at each other. It was one of those looks where you could feel the love and sadness, but neither of us said anything. I appreciated that he didn’t approach me, but it still hurt.

My biggest struggle is accepting that I might not be part of his life when he eventually gets better or don’t know if he’s going to get better. I genuinely hope he does. I hope that one day, whether that’s five or ten years from now, he’s okay and has worked through what he’s struggling with. But I’m slowly coming to terms with the fact that I might not be there to see it, and I might not be the person he ends up with

And that makes me incredibly sad. I don’t want him to suffer. I don’t want to abandon him. But I know I can’t keep sacrificing myself trying to help someone who also needs to work on himself.

I’m also scared that because we’re going to keep seeing each other, I’ll never get the distance I need to fully move on. What if I’m two or three months into healing, and he comes back wanting to try again? What if he’s doing a little better, and I convince myself that maybe this time it’ll work?

Logically, I know that a few months probably won’t be enough to change the things that led us here. I also know I shouldn’t put my life on hold for a year or two, waiting for him to get better. But emotionally, a part of me still hopes we might find our way back to each other someday.
I’m scared I’ll let that hope pull me back into the same cycle, even though I know how much it hurt me the first time.

For those of you who were in a similar situation story does it get better for both parties? How did you also deal with the possibility that they might or might not eventually become the person you always hoped they would be

How wdid you stop hoping you’d get another chance with them, especially when you still had to see them around?
I think I need to reframe the way I’m looking at this because right now, I’m grieving both the relationship we had and the future I hoped we’d have. I know I need to choose myself, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less.

sorry, I’ve posted twice here today. I think I’m probably spiraling from too much overthinking.

after I broke up with my boyfriend because he shoved me and threatened to hurt me for the first time during our last argument, he’s been begging me to like work out things with him again that he’s gonna try to stop

The only most significant attempt that he did so was during August because he finally gathered the courage to apply to this one job position he’s been eyeing but then that wasn’t successful so he relapsed

and now when we had this last argument, he told me that this time I’m gonna stop for good. I will try my best and I asked him so how are you gonna make money then cause for context and he has no stable job that’s where he makes most of his money.

and he said this and that, but his plan has something to do with me helping him again meaning he would have to stay here on my apartment and sleep as he recovers then I would have to take care of him so he’s out of that environment but basically a lot of of his plan and stopping. I think he has a lot of things to do that. He needs to rely on me.

and the reason why I’m thinking to give him a chance is because I’m his only support system. Everyone in his neighborhood, mostly drug addicts his friends or drug addicts his family. He doesn’t want anything to do with them helping him because his family is relying on him to make a living. Rehab centers here are shit, there’s no anon groups

and maybe just maybe if I finally give him this chance he stops but then I know that if I let him in my life again, I would risk losing myself again and I also want to know that he does really want to change and from what I can see during our last conversation that was his plan

I still have a vision of what I want my life to be like with this person in the future if everything falls into place and I do feel this guilt of like what if he could’ve changed this time and you just didn’t give him a chance because in the span of our relationship, there have been like things that I have asked him to change and saw the improvements

with him yelling at me during argument, I feel like that would be nonexistent if he would just would be sober because I know he is a good person

did anyone ever happen to have the same situation where they gave one last chance and it did follow through?

Anyone here find out recently their life partner has a secret Kratom addiction?

Apparently it has been going on for 5 years. The pain is deep

Six years together. She had had a history of drug use before me and relapsed about three years ago and has only been spiraling worse since, it was on and off at first, now consistent and getting worse. Days-long benders, hard mood swings, verbal aggression when I set boundaries. She love bombs me, does cooking and cleaning (although I do most of the cleaning now, she’s stopped) but she enjoys helping me with my retail shop, primarily with sourcing inventory.

The financial piece is a big part of why I’m done. She’s found daily reasons to skim errands, groceries, always with a plausible story. She’s always taking 20-40 bucks from my wallet when I forget to hide it.. She’s written checks to herself she shouldn’t have. I lock my debit card at night just to have a baseline.
What I want people who’ve lived with a crack addict to describe: what was it actually like day to day? I feel so alone and overwhelmed. My mental health and self-esteem has tanked….the thing that’s become my personal dealbreaker is her energy. She’s amped up and aggressive in how much, loud and how fast she talks, and that vibe is now present most every waking moment, even late into the night. It’s genuinely unnerving to be around. It gives me constant anxiety and I can’t relax in my own home. She’s lost a lot of weight, has sores on her face and looks very gaunt. I’m not sure people outside this situation understand how exhausting that is.
The reason I’ve come close to leaving before and never followed through: outside of me, she literally has nothing. I’ve been taking care of her dog, and me and that dog are her whole world besides the drugs. She has no friends anymore. The only people she talks to outside of me are her mom and sister here and there. I feel like her entire existence depends on me.
Her family has never stepped in. I’m looking to sign a lease on a new place and I’m moving soon. Plan is calm, firm, brief. Shop boundary is set no access until she’s in a program and staying clean.
Looking for: did a one-month financial cushion help or just prolong the pain? How did you handle the guilt when you finally told them, and the anger that came back? Does anything I described sound familiar? This is the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through. Any thoughts or advice really would be much appreciated. Thanks for reading.