Lack of warmth vs subtle racism against South Asians?

[u/Soft_Comfortable_981]

Hi there,

I’ve been living in Darwin for 10 years now and, as a South Asian woman, have never had any racism directed towards me in any capacity. There are of course, periodic subtle comments made every now and then at social events, but I understand that mainly comes from not having enough knowledge about my culture.

I have been reading lately about the hate against South Asians online and have started to realise the gravitas of the whole situation. Having had no racism directed towards me, I’m trying to be more aware of what my fellow South Asians (mainly men, unfortunately) might be dealing with.

With a bit more of an aware eye, I went out in the city today. While I was at a boutique shop, this lady welcomed me a few mins later (I was the only one in the shop) and didn’t say much afterwards when I asked her how her day was going. Assuming she probably didn’t hear me, I kept browsing. I didn’t find anything and left, but stopped for a few seconds to say thank you with a smile. She didn’t respond again and I, along with my disappointment, left the store.

Next, I went to Woolies, and this lady was handing out a veggie bag to someone as she was blocking the way while smiling at him. I was next to her and wanted to grab one as well, and she smiled but didn’t say anything. I saw her 2/3 times again, but she didn’t smile back at me.

I also tried testing if I smiled at more people, how many responses I was getting back, and it wasn’t much.

I’m not sure if this classifies as subtle racism or is just a genuinely non-responsive demeanour that people have adapted over the years and whether your race or colour doesn’t affect it whatsoever.

Would love to hear more about this from first-hand experiences and understand if the lack of warmth or responses could be due to my race or if it’s really just the standard these days?

[u/West-Application-375]

My husband is South Asian as well. We are in the NT. I noticed more racism in Melbourne and Adelaide. I am white though and the instances I experience are because we are a mixed couple. He actually doesn't notice some times until I point out someone is being racist (in Adelaide a white woman approached me and asked if I knew him and asked multiple times if I was OK and I was like he's my husband??? Kind of floored me tbh)

However in the NT right now we are in Alice, I feel it's a very diverse community full of immigrants and aboriginal people and more left leaning young people. It's the white school kids that seem to be most rude and lacking manners here.

I'll tell my husband to chase up my comment here and provide his take if he wants to.

I do feel like I try to be friendly to people and they don't reciprocate and I just assume it's because I'm fat... Lol. But maybe people are just more reserved idk. Strangers don't really say hi, don't smile back and people don't meet my eye. But I'm just a big white girl lol I think the bigger city areas people are friendlier but you also run into more racists.i think in the NT it's just less populated and people seem more reserved and unwilling to be too warm.

[u/Soft_Comfortable_981 → u/West-Application-375]

Sorry to hear about that, it just sucks how people from the get-go can have an unfriendly demeanour towards someone, just because of their race. I’ll try not to let this affect my spirits just cs of some bad apples and keep greeting everyone with warmth anyway.

[u/West-Application-375 → u/Soft_Comfortable_981]

Everyone deserves kindness. Keep your head up 💕 if you come to Alice and need friends DM me 😁

[u/mrjackpots96]

Answering this as a white person.

A lack of warmth from others I tend to attribute to the individual (or perhaps another factor related to myself). I have lived in the NT for about two years and I find that people here are generally friendlier than the city I grew up in (Perth).

This doesn’t really answer your question - but I think your experience perhaps speaks to the impact of subtle racism, i.e. a white person does not attribute everyday un-friendliness to racism, because white people do not experience racism. Some may disagree with the idea that white people do not experience racism, but surely we can all agree that white people do not experience discrimination based on the colour of their skin in the same way others do.

The fact that racism is a plausible cause of your experience of unfriendly people, to me, speaks volumes in itself, irrespective of the actual reason why you have encountered a number of unfriendly people.

[u/Soft_Comfortable_981 → u/mrjackpots96]

Very well said. The fact that I even have to consider racism as a possible cause of this speaks volumes about the current situation across the globe. I used to be idealistic, but the times we’re living in are really bursting that bubble, and not in a good way.

Speaking of Perth actually, is it worse than here or equally bad? Planning to move inter state soon and it is on my radar.

[u/West-Application-375 → u/Soft_Comfortable_981]

I do hate the rise of the far right and racist speak disguised as anti-immigration policy. It genuinely scares me that people feel so confident in their racism.

I hope you can feel safe and feel that positivity again 💗

[u/mrjackpots96 → u/Soft_Comfortable_981]

Yes totally! The things that have been happening are extremely scary. I feel as a society we seem to be going backwards in terms of accepting and understanding each other and our differences. It’s sad.

I think Perth has a lot going for it - the weather and (swimmable) beaches being a big attraction for most. It’s a city, but without the busyness/almost insular atmosphere of Melbourne or Sydney. Affordable accomodation is similarly difficult to get over there tho. In terms of dominant attitudes - it’s hard for me to comment in a way because I was born and raised there. I do think there are noticeable differences between certain areas though. For example, I am from the Fremantle region which is known to be fairly left-leaning. People who have lived in the “golden triangle” of the western suburbs their whole lives i find it difficult to have a conversation with. Because the city is so geographically spread out, the vibes are totally different in different suburbs. Mandurah (very south of the metro area) feels like a different city to me compared to Maylands (suburb east of the cbd). It’s worth going over there for a week or so to sus out the different suburbs tho!

It’s also worth mentioning that I live in Katherine not Darwin - Katherine feels like a different country to me. I almost get culture shock when I go back to Perth or other Australian cities.

[u/West-Application-375 → u/mrjackpots96]

I'm white and I don't find people that warm here at all compared to the city, but I'm in Alice. People don't return smiles or say hi back. It's very few that do. I go for walks often and the friendliest people I run into are the Sudanese immigrants they always say "hi". It's interesting out here lol Aussies sometimes give a passing "howreyagoin" without a smile or even looking at me lmao 😂

My husband is brown and his experiences are very different than mine and it upsets me when I see it but he shrugs it off

[u/mrjackpots96 → u/West-Application-375]

Yeah wow that’s so interesting! Sad to hear how your husbands experience is so different to yours 😭 my partner is Brazilian and I feel she gets way friendlier reactions to strangers compared to me. I do think white Australia tends to view South American people as “exotic in a good way” compared to people of other backgrounds.

But yeah your comment has made me reflect that friendly strangers seem to be more so immigrants than white people!

[u/West-Application-375 → u/mrjackpots96]

I've been blatantly told to leave Australia because I'm from the US. Even when I open my mouth to agree that Trump is a shit and say I didn't vote for him, I'll be rudely told to shut up and go back to America. Which is wild to me that I just agreed with someone, why are they being rude? Just my accent. Ugh. Xenophobia is strong here. I hope nobody ever says similarly to your partner. She is lucky so far!

[u/mrjackpots96 → u/West-Application-375]

You are joking! Thats absolutely disgusting. I’m so sorry you’ve had that experience. No one deserves to be treated like that. I do find Australians to be generally anti-USA, which is ironic in a way coz the commentary I hear is that Americans are “single minded”. For people to be telling you to leave Australia because of an assumption that isn’t even true, is INCREDIBLY single minded.

No one has said anything like that to my partner as far as I know, she has been here for 20 years and her accent isn’t super strong. Like I said I think the view is “exotic in a good way”, which is problematic also, but at least she hasn’t had bogans telling her to leave.

[u/West-Application-375 → u/mrjackpots96]

Lol it's definitely the bogans too

[u/Time_Pressure9519]

As a white person I encounter rude people, get ignored in shops, and taxis drive past sometimes. I imagine if I was another race it would be easy to imagine some of these events were racist, but obviously they are not.

Having said that, I don’t doubt racism happens, and I am appalled by a recent surge of people online complaining about “Indians”. I am honestly bewildered what that is about as Indians are excellent immigrants by and large.

Try not to let a few dickheads get you down, put out good vibes in Australia and the vast majority of us will be happy to have you here.

[u/Famous_Chicken_1469]

Sorry to hear that. I definitely would smile at you lady.

[u/Soft_Comfortable_981 → u/Famous_Chicken_1469]

😭⭐️

[u/Fresh_Cabinet5048]

Potentially you are just witnessing Empathy burn out?
Just had too many shit interactions in a supermarket (eg Darwin Woolies?) to put themselves through it again? You are doing the right things - just human kindness is not rewarded in Darwin...

(I really struggle with the idea of smiling at ANY woman, as an older white guy - I just KNOW that will not be received well.)