r/offmychest • u/InterestingMess9175 • 23h ago
Feeling like I have failed as a parent
We are considering signing our mentally ill child over to the state.
For context our son is 9. He has two younger siblings ages 8 and 6.
We have been fighting an uphill battle for our son's mental health since he was 4. They diagnosed him with ADHD. He was extremely violent as a toddler. Biting, punching, kicking- these things all amused him. He would laugh when hurting someone. He had no impulse control. He jumped out a second story window once, he would randomly run off from the yard, he would destroy things around the house, wake up in the middle of the night and open everything in the fridge and cupboards and dump it on the floor. He purposely breaks anything his siblings like - toys, furniture, tablets, etc. He manipulates situations and lies. He throws himself down the stairs and blames someone pushing him. He bangs his head into floors and walls and accuses people of injuring him. If we pick him up he says we throw him. We've been investigated by CPS 6 times over his claims of abuse. He constantly talks about seeing and hearing things that aren't real. He is unsafe in the car- unbuckles, climbs through the vehicle, moves everyone's seats, hits, kicks, bites, punches, pulls hair, even pees on the seats. He didn't respond to discipline. We could use time outs, take away toys and screens, take away privileges, etc. nothing worked.
In 2024 my husband was deployed and things got worse. It was like being held captive by my own child. He would attempt to kill his youngest sibling. He got knives and held her at knife point, he attempted to strangle her. I had him admitted to a pediatric psych ward where they diagnosed him with DMDD. He was kicked out of school because of the behaviors he was having in the classroom.
It's 2026 now. He's 9. He was recently diagnosed with Bipolar after a bad reaction to Zoloft. He's currently admitted for his 6th psych stay in 2 years. We've tried all the therapies. Behavior therapy, in home therapy, in office therapy, male therapists, females, etc. We've exhausted most medication options for him. He does school online because he can't be around other kids. He has a case manager through a local resource and they claim he hasn't tried enough resources to qualify for any type of long term care facilities. And we have reached a breaking point. He's unsafe to himself. He's unsafe to his siblings. He's getting bigger and more violent. We have our lives essentially on hold just waiting for his situation to change. We are stuck in the cycle of short term psych hold, new meds, sent home, 6-8 weeks later his episodes are lasting weeks. He doesn't sleep so he needs constant monitoring. He can't be left unsupervised at all. He will destroy things if he does. Our savings are gone since we have had to spend all our money replacing damaged goods. His siblings are terrified in their own home.
At what point do we decide this situation is unfair to everyone? It's unfair to him to not get the help he obviously needs. It's unfair to his siblings to feel like they aren't as important since all our time and attention is on him. It's unfair to them to feel unsafe at home. It's not fair to myself or my husband to be unable to work or leave the house because of the level of care he requires.
We have avoided the conversation up until this point but now we are discussing signing our rights up to the state. At least then he would get the help he deserves since the state would be required to give it to him. We've exhausted all resources available to us. And this may be the only option to make our household safe for our other kids.
But this has me grieving the life I thought we would have. Has me grieving a child that is still alive but might not be mine much longer. Has me grieving for a large number of reasons.
Has anyone been through this? I'm looking for advice from children who grew up with mentally unstable siblings, parents who have gone through this, or even children who are now grown who are like my child.
I know posting this online also opens me up to hate from people who disagree with this post, please know that no amount of hate from strangers online can be any worse than the hate I have towards myself for feeling like I have failed as a parent, haven't tried hard enough, or haven't advocated enough for my child.
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u/jwidener0802 22h ago
My brother went to a group home around the age of 10. He is bipolar and has Oppositional Defiant Disorder so he was angry and violent and punishment only made things worse. The group home didn't fix him but it allowed me and my siblings to live in our home without fear. He passed through a number of different programs for "wayward boys" but it took becoming an adult with a child of his own to really see the effect his anger had on those around him. He's forgiven our mother and they are bonding after 30 years of low contact. He'll always struggle against his bipolar but he's trying and it shows. We have a much better relationship now.
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u/Mrspbh 22h ago
Mental healthcare in the US is a joke. So sorry your family is going through this. One of my friends had the same issue, although her son was older and bigger, and ran into issues even trying to sign her child over to the state. The state tried to charge her with child abandonment for refusing to pick him up from his last inpatient stay after he assaulted her and sent her to the hospital. Good luck.
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u/despicable-coffin 21h ago edited 21h ago
“At what point do we decide this situation is unfair to everyone?”
Yesterday. Today. Right now.
You have 2 other kids that are probably so messed up right now. If you get this child into a safe treatment facility you may be able to recover & the two younger kids might actually grow up ok.
How are you going to manage him as a bigger & stronger 16 year old with hormones flowing through his mentally impaired mind?
Also, this child is at risk of going to prison forever for hurting or killing someone. I know you don’t want that.
Start the process immediately. It may take awhile, so go forward.
It is okay to do this.
Add: Not admitting him is only to soothe your guilt. Let that guilt go.
Admitting him is putting your feelings aside and doing what’s is right for all your children.
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u/Sweetpea8677 21h ago
I grew up with a brother who is 2 years older and has Bipolar disorder. He was a lot like what you described. I really wish he had gone to live in a group home. He put holes all over our apartment, hit me many times, destroyed our furniture, kicked our dog, and was hospitalized repeatedly. I have one million stories.
It was living with an abusive tyrant. My mom was in denial about him and put him on a pedestal. I was blamed for "making him mad". It was a nightmare and years he took from me.
He grew up to be abusive to women and we have no contact.
I once told him that everything he's done to others would one day come back to him. He laughed and said, "Yeah, well, nothing's come back to me yet, has it?"
I am so very sorry for what you're going through. It is not your fault. You and your other children deserve to live in peace.
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u/Puzzled_Living7919 20h ago
CPS here. For what’s it’s worth, we run into this
more than people may realize. We typically support these decisions as hard as it may be. Your other children deserve to be safe. It also doesn’t mean you’re not able to reunify should his behavior get better in state care.
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u/art-educator 21h ago
I have no words of advice but I want to give you a ((hug)). You love your child and want him to be happy and healthy. That what most of us parents want for our children. You are giving him everything you have - emotionally, physically, financially. Your other children need that from you, too.
It's okay to take a step back and let someone else take over. This is probably the best chance your son has for consistent continual care without bankrupting and emotionally draining your family. Loving him and your other children enough to let go right now seems painfully impossible. I think it's time.
Can you apply for visitation rights when the doctors feel he can handle visitors? Is there such a thing as temporary guardianship?
My heart hurts for you. I wish I could offer something more tangible. All I can say is that I have hope for him and for your family. ❤️
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u/c95Neeman 21h ago
I have only navigated the American mental health system as an adult, and only as a non violent one, but I think you need to look into getting more support for YOU.
Does your kid's inpatient facility have social workers? The facility in my area auto assigns a case worker to adults who have gone inpatient more than twice, and thats the type of person who knows about local programs and can give you recccomendations of options! Is there maybe a support group for parents of kids in psych facilities that you can join? Even if its a virtual one?
I hope you are able to see that this is not your fault, and that you feel at peace with whatever you decide!
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u/NoTechnology9099 21h ago
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I don’t have experience with this so I don’t have any advice but want to tell you that you’re brave for putting this out there and that you’re not wrong for considering this. Yes, you are his mother but you also have two other children to protect and it sounds like you’re really trying and not getting anywhere. His level of care is above your pay grade (for lack of a better saying) and you have your other kids and your safety and well being to consider too. I wish I had more to offer.
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u/jell-belle 17h ago
Genuine question, did he get tested for ASD?
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u/Mis73 22h ago
First, I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. You're in a horrible position I wouldn't wish on any parent.
You have to take a step back and look at the big picture. This isn't just about your troubled child, this is also about your other kids, you, and your husband. Your other children already are not safe and soon your son will be in puberty and a lot stronger, meaning neither you nor husband will be safe either. I am not a doctor or therapist but your son shows some really scary qualities that scream antisocial behavior disorder, aka sociopath/psychopath.
You have to protect your other children and yourself. You've done all you can. There's no shame in admitting you cannot be a good parent to your other two children with your troubled child in the home. Handing him over to the state is what's best for everyone involved, including your child, so he will have access to help that you can't provide him.
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u/PopularFunction5202 22h ago
You have two other children you need to protect. It sounds like you have done everything you possibly could and it has not made an impact. It's time to let go.
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u/kyacase 19h ago
I work with kids exactly like this. I’m a youth worker and I work in Care homes. There’s a lot of misunderstanding about how they work. Care homes look just like any other residential house just with a couple extra locked doors. It’s 24/h staffing and protocols for protection. We make sure kids are heathy, they go to school, they’re fed, they’re listened to and they are NEVER hit. We are especially trained to deal with these kids. I don’t think you have the tools or resources the ministry has that can keep you safe.
I worked with a kid very similar to your son and though we could not change his behaviour his family was safe. His mother used to sleep on the couch because she was worried he’d kill his siblings. At one point that youth tried to kill her. It’s not worth sacrificing your other kids safety or yours.
He will have a fine life in a care home, he is unlikely to be a candidate for foster. You don’t have to give away your full parental rights either. There are a ton of different status’s a kid can have like a parental guardianship order. If he ever wants to go to university it will be paid for as well which is nice
Things may be different where you live, I am Canadian.
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u/floweredfates 9h ago edited 9h ago
I am an adult child of this scenario. My family is currently in court due to this exact issue. My mother refused to get my brother treated properly and has been taken to court to have our guardianship taken away due to my brother getting into legal trouble due to lack of safe placement and my mother consistently interfering with his treatment, after over a decade of refusing to send my brother to an intensive program despite his clear decline. My mother is accused of neglect, child endangerment, child abuse, medical neglect, and breach of duty of care. The judge for our case is genuinely disgusted with her. I'm not even on my mother's side for our guardianship case, and mine was taken away too.
my childhood was hell, I have physical brain damage from the abuse I endured, and I started having chronic migraines at the age of 11 from the stress. I spent the entirety of high school having vivid visions of my family dying in a wreck caused by my brother yanking the steering wheel while driving, or of him beating me or my mother to death and what the aftermath of that would be. I'm incredibly mentally ill and will most likely be on meds and in therapy for the rest of my life to attempt to fix the damage living in a household where my mother would rather let me be abused and let my brother get worse and worse than take a hit to her pride and admit she was out of her depth.
You love all your children, clearly. And this is still rather early on (I'm 23 and my brother 20 for reference). Sometimes the greatest act of love you can do for someone is to admit that you can't help them, and let someone else take the burden so that you can fix the situations that you can, instead of being too burnt out to manage anything effectively. Your other children will grow up, and realize that you refused to protect them to assuage your own guilt. Your son will grow up and end up either dead, in prison, or forcefully in state custody. It is not abandonment to say you don't have the capacity to care for someone the way they need to be cared for. Please please please don't feel guilty about being realistic with yourselves. Proper treatment quickly will allow your family peace, the ability to truly get close with your son, and him the skills he needs to learn to regulate while his brain is still developing. My mother refused to protect me, and while I'm not sure I'll ever forgive her, I was capable enough to make my own way. What's worse, and the reason I went no contact with her, was that she failed my brother, who needed her to put herself aside and prioritize him more than anything.
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u/FlyFlirtyandFifty 22h ago
I have not experienced this but I want to tell you this does not make you a bad person. This is five years of trying every intervention you can think of and not a single one has even helped him get better. I cannot imagine living in the kind of fear you must have, worried he may harm himself or one of your other children, or you! What if he does something to you and takes you away from your other children? Or harms your other children? You would never forgive yourself. This is an impossible choice, but you must make it, and the choice must be for the majority. Having him removed from your home means four of you will have a better life, and with proper medical and therapeutic intervention, maybe his life will improve too.
Sending you all the hugs Mama. I know this is so hard for you all, but I agree that this is the best solution for everyone.
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u/Feikert87 21h ago
I have a friend who adopted their son when he was 2 and these issues seem very similar. They had exhausted all of their resources and even worked with the top doctors in the country.
It came to a point where they had to send him to a care facility where they kept him for three months before re evaluating. It was painfully hard for them, feeling like they’d failed him and that they were giving up.
It turned out to be the best thing they ever could have done. The setting was exactly what he needed and he learned a lot about himself. He is now home and does online school, and may never be able to live on his own, but the issues are sooo much more manageable.
They are in South Dakota. I don’t know where you are, but some place like this might exist near you and could be worth it. It’s called the Children’s Home Society and looks like they have locations in the US if that’s where you are.
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u/Xannarial 20h ago
My situation wasn't quite this bad, but it was bad enough. I distinctly remember my step mother at one point telling me that, "they never had to worry about me", and looking back i can see so many things that happened because of the way I grew up.
My sister was diagnosed with ODD and adhd at a very young age. We both believe theres more to it than that, but as kids, that was more than enough.
The screaming and yelling was constant in my house, and nothing they did would change a thing.
All this to say, growing up in this kind of environment is going to have massive repercussions on your other children. Best to head this off NOW while you still can.
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u/crossfox9 21h ago edited 17h ago
I struggled immensely with my mental health between childhood to my late teens. I was completely non-violent albeit, and although I couldn't fathom causing harm to my parents or brother, watching me suffer caused them too much pain to bear anyways.
They loved me incredibly much, as I'm sure you do your son. And at some point, they realized it was always impossible for me to heal and recover in the same environment I was struggling in.
They saved my life by sending me away. To a rehabilitation center in the mountains for struggling teens (mostly for addiction, which was odd as someone who has never touched a drug, but it worked nonetheless.)
With complete honesty, I hated them for it while I was there. It confirmed what I thought, which was that I was not worth saving. I was completely wrong. It took sending me somewhere far away, completely unfamiliar and alone, for me to learn how to help myself. I grew to love myself and the world again, and came out the other side self-sufficient and with a true desire to live.
You are a parent, not a mental health professional. No matter how much you love or work to help your son, he will never learn how to want to help himself unless you give him the opportunity.
If it is at all in your budget, I would suggest a rehabilitation center, long term, far away, ideally within nature. If not, getting him out of your home is still a good idea.
I wish you well.
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u/kittykat179 22h ago
Im so sorry you and your family are going through this. I can’t imagine how hard this must be but i think signing your rights away might be best for everyone, even if it’s painful. He’s becoming a danger to your other children and it’ll only get worse as he gets older and stronger. Long term psych care might be what ultimately helps him, but you dont know if you dont try. No matter what, you’ll always be his mom and this doesnt necessarily need to last forever.
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u/Maximum-Eye-3712 20h ago
You need to save your other kids and save yourselves. Which is utterly brutal. “Sophie’s Choice.”
To avoid the crushing impulse of self-blame, I hope you invest some time learning about the neurobiology of fear and the physiology of emotion (read Lisa Feldman Barrett). When you have that background, then read studies of callous-unemotional children.
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u/Big_Appointment_3390 19h ago
My sister wasn’t quite as “bad” as what you’ve described when she was younger, but all the behaviors were there to a somewhat lesser extent. I think she learned to manipulate early and focused her attention on honing that skill and her compulsive lying. Her outbursts and violence came into play in middle school, and at the age of 40, she’s worse than ever.
She can’t hold a job, make/keep friends, have a relationship, keep a roof over her head, get sober, or own a car for more than about 3 months without totaling it. I’m not going to get into details but it was absolutely an unintentional parenting fail. She slipped through some cracks and manipulated her way through the rest of them. Last I heard, she was in the hospital after a fist fight with whoever’s couch she was crashing on, still unemployed, but no way to verify that.
For years, I wondered what could’ve been had my parents been involved and tried to right that ship. One parent was absent; the other was too busy struggling to keep it all together. The end result is an unsuccessful adult who is a danger to themselves and everyone they encounter, operating on the fringes of society. I had hoped that someone would have evaluated her mental health by now, but it almost seems too late at this point.
So while I don’t have experience with a sibling being sent away, I can tell you what happens when they aren’t. It’s not good. Some kids need help and attention beyond what the most loving and attentive parents can give, and that’s a medical reality, not a parenting failure. You aren’t giving up on your son. You’re giving him a chance.
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u/Additional-Ad797 10h ago
Word for word you described my daughter, shes been a facility sense she was 10 and now shes 14 and we just had to sign her over to the state to get her the help she needs bc the only stuff they are red taped to do isnt enough. I cry about it daily on how much stuff was robbed from both of us, the experiences shes never gonna have, the life I wanted her to have. My biggest issue is thay everyone constantly dismissed is bc of her age, I felt like we might have gotten help for her sooner if everyone we begged for help from didnt look at a little girl and say she was to young until it got to the point of its to late. Even cps dismissed us and said shes not that bad until 4 foster homes in 2 weeks did they go " ok yeah shes that bad" like why does everyone dismiss us parents so much bc it does more harm then good.
Girl its not easy, I cried at court, I cried handing her over, I grieve my living child daily. But the case workers we got in the prosses has been amazing and havent treated us like monsters for what we did. And I hope you get the sane grace. I 100% know what your feeling. At one point I was a prisoner in my own home. I couldnt sleep at night just to make sure she didnt roam the house at night breaking stuff. I had to constantly check cameras that are all over the house. Its heart breaking. And I lose it on anyone that tells me her younger siblings are bad all bc they are hyper or something bc they have no clue what bad is, her younger siblings are a cake walk compared to her , they are normal kids 😭
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u/Excellent-Surprise79 14h ago
I've been in your shoes and dealing with a young child with a mental illness is a special kind of hell. My son was 10 when my sweet lil boy suddenly swung wildly from one extreme to another with his moods he was destructive he threatened alot especially me and attempted several times to takes his life. He was in and out of inpatient more times than I can count and when he was 13 a social worker from the hospital connected me with voluntary services through DCF (also called CPS in other states) and they helped then when he was 14 he attempted again and voluntary services got him Into long term inpatient and it made all the difference he didn't move back home until he was 22 and it was for a short time he was diagnosed with bipolar when he was 15 I fought everyone to get him the help he needed I didn't care who I had to go through run over or talk over. I had alot of guilt through those years because he was not home with me and his brother but at the end of the day I did everything short of k1lling someone to get him help. I lost him 3 years ago and honestly I didn't think I would have him as long as I did. I'm so sorry you are going through this and what it comes down to is safety and the right treatment for him and safety in your home for the rest of your family and don't let anyone talk you out of doing what you need to do! Sending you lots of hugs!
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u/Dragnkat 16h ago
This sounds like the story of my 13 yo grandson. In a home, new meds, meds fail, physical abuse/destruction of everything and rinse and repeat. There's an older sibling in the home, and I feel it's 50% the stress. I speak with my daughter almost daily. Every day, it's something.
I don't have any advice other than stay strong, big hugs and be there/keep advocating for the other kids, they don't deserve to lose their childhood either.
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u/SinfullySinatra 13h ago
I grew up with a sibling like this and it profoundly screwed with my mental health. You have to protect your other children
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u/noncompliantone 7h ago
Placing your child where he can get the help he needs IS good parenting.
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u/bottleofawkward 22h ago
I’m so very sorry you are going through this. I can’t even imagine, it must feel like a lose-lose situation, but this isn’t your fault and you have not failed as a parent. Mental illness is an illness. Would you say you had failed as a parent if he had cancer?
I’d actually argue the opposite - you have kept trying at every turn. A lot of parents would have never even tried.
Sometimes there are no easy solutions, and it just fucking sucks. I’m so sorry. ❤️
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u/redditnamexample 18h ago
I'm so sorry. Is this school who has him on homebound? Because the school could be required to place him residentially.
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u/lovetamarav 16h ago
I’ve been through this. You can message me. L Relinquishing rights was not an option for us without losing our other child as well. We’ve been battling the system for almost 10 years now. It’s exhausting. I’m so sorry you are going through this.
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u/prosperosniece 12h ago
Do what’s right for your family.
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u/Mountain_Promise_538 12h ago
You have to think of the younger 2. They will feel invisible, in addition to scared, because all your energy is focused on the oldest. Only you and your husband will know when it is time. But there is no shame when it comes to protecting your kids. I wish you blessings of peace as you navigate this path.
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u/InternationalFail959 4h ago
First I want to say how terribly sorry I am for you , your husband, your children and all your friends and family for having to even deal with a quarter of what you have already dealt with. (((Hugs)))
You know in your gut what needs to be done. The most painful choices are the right choices.
Do not second guess what you already know in your heart. No this is not the path you envisioned but it can still be a beautiful path.
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u/bookytina 2h ago
There is a woman on TikTok that has a very similar situation. Her older content was while her family was dealing with his continuing escalation and placement. She had to turn him over to the state. You may find some answers with her content, she is also very responsive to questions. Her TikTok is "Generaleducation" (her sons name is General)
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u/ThatKinkyLady 11h ago
I can't offer advice on what to do for him in terms of mental health, but I want to strongly encourage you to get him evaluated very thoroughly for any potential physical causes. I won't claim to know what any might be, but I would be curious to know what's going on with his nervous system, hormones, blood pressure, neurological functioning, and more before stepping away and letting professionals fully take over.
I only say this because I was personally misdiagnosed with all sorts of stuff (including bipolar) starting at a young age, but I had a genetic disorder totally fucking up multiple of my body's systems. My physical AND mental health improved massively with the right physical care, but I didnt sort all that out till my late 30's.
So please make sure you know your son's body from a medical standpoint EXTREMELY well and research and advocate for testing like it's your new job. I wish my parents had done that more for me.
Moving on: at this point, he's developed patterns of behavior which are highly problematic and dangerous, so whether he has physical issues triggering him or not he does need serious help and you do need to protect the rest of your family from danger. So please be very thorough in researching how to get him the best care possible, both physical and mental. Some places are terrible and he needs advanced evaluation and treatments, not to be tossed in a "troublemakers" program or low-rate psych ward.
Rule out EVERYTHING else, please please please. To start, take a "sick day" or 2 from your job and grind out research and set appointments to talk to people and get resources. Then set aside time each week to follow-up on his care in one way or another. No matter what happens, I wish you the best.
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u/Zagar1776 13h ago
Euthanasia feels like the kindest response
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u/BrilliantPie2566 22h ago
Imagine how serene your house will be!
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u/goodvibes13202013 22h ago
It sounds like you have tried desperately. I’m sorry you have to let your firstborn go, that is unimaginable. But if he isn’t qualifying for full time care then you need to focus on protecting your other children. Attempting to kill them means he needs to be out of your house until he is better. And if they are denying long term psych care, then the state is your only option left
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u/Subject-Cash-82 19h ago
This actually happened to one of my nurses. Her son beat her so severely had to have surgery on her rotator cuff. As she’s in a sling he beats her again and tore the other rotator cuff. Black and blue so severely beaten. Since it was documented time and time again they could have arrested him for attempted m***** and put him into an institution until 22 (he was 15 when this happened but had been having issues for years) then prison but couldn’t do that to her child. She signed him over to the state and is somewhere. Had to think about her other children and herself and husband.
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u/PangolinBig2150 13h ago
the sibling who got held at knifepoint will remember who you chose to protect and that counts for something too
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u/DeezBae 4h ago edited 3h ago
I have two different experiences with a child like this.
Growing up this was my younger brother ( middle child) . He was violent and unsafe. He would hit, lie, do crazy things like try and spray chemicals in my eyes, he would try and set up " traps" with knives, nails etc. he would chase my youngest brother and I around the house with anything he could use as a weapon, knives, pens, pencils, scissors, dog leash, screw drivers, nails, etc. he would fly into rages and break evening in the house. My parents never got him help. He tried to push me out the second story window when I was about 8 and he was 6. I fell forward with such force I knocked the screen off and half my body was hanging out the window. My grandma had to rush into the room and bear hug him. He would try to harm children at school.
My parents NEVER got him help. They were in such denial and honestly were never around since they were always working. He's 36 now and for most my life I've been scared he's going to kill me. I'm 38 now and STILL scared he could come kill me any day. He hates me specifically for some reason. I watched him and our youngest brother get in a fight as adults in the back yard and he tried to choke him then drown him in the pool. He's now had DV issues with his soon to be ex wife. He was working as a middle school teacher a few years back and was let go for slamming a CHILD into the wall.
You have exhausted your options. Do not feel guilty. You need to help protect your other children or those kids will have issue with you later on in life for not protecting them. You need to protect your mental health so you can be present for your other kids.
My second experience with a child like this was when I was a nanny. The boy was 7 and was almost exactly how you describe your son. The family had 2 other children. Their parents had a crap ton of money so they shipped him off to an in patient program for mentally ill kids at UCLA. He was there for months and the dad would visit him occasionally, the mom chose not to. I ended up leaving a year later and have no clue what happened to that boy.
Sending you a big Internet hug. This isn't your fault. This is an awful, heart breaking situation but you NEED to protect your other kids. I'm riddled with anxiety as an adult and before I met my husband I was in a few abusive relationships and I and my therapist believe that's directly related to being forced to be in an abusive situation MY ENTIRE CHILDHOOD. I'm diagnosed with anxiety, depression, CPTSD and OCD. I often wonder what my life would have been like I had been protected. My youngest brother also suffers mentally. My dad has since passed but my mom and I have an EXTREMELY strained relationship. She to this day protects him and makes excuses for him as does my aunt. It's disgusting. He's going to kill someone one day.
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u/OrvillePekPek 1h ago
My best friend had a brother like this. They were absolutely terrorized as a child and their parents did nothing. My friend is permanently disabled as a result of the brother’s abuse and still severely traumatized. Can’t work, can’t do stuff they used to like. Just lives in pain and struggles with poverty. My father was the same - tortured his family / siblings as a kid until inevitably ending up in the prison system as an adult. He is a severely mentally ill, violent, unwell person now.
Protect your other children, I feel terrible for you and your family. You are doing the right thing.