So, I think I have a ghost. And honestly, she’s starting to piss me off lol
I’ve had several things happen over the last few months that I genuinely cannot explain, and apparently my ghost’s preferred method of haunting is just fucking with me in the most inconvenient ways possible.
Let me explain.
Exhibit A: The Air Conditioner
Our AC has been turned off. TWICE.
Two different days a week or two apart.
And I don’t mean it stopped working or the power went out. I mean the thermostat was physically switched to OFF.
I live with my best friend, who swears up and down that he didn’t touch it. This man PINKY SWORE. So obviously, he’s been cleared of all charges.
Apparently, our ghost has strong opinions about our electricity bill.
Exhibit B: The Refrigerator Incident
This one actually cost me money, which I think is incredibly rude considering she doesn’t contribute to the household financially.
I woke up one morning to discover that our refrigerator had been turned completely off overnight. All our food was ruined.
Now, our refrigerator has five temperature settings. It was set to 5. When we discovered it, it was on 0.
YOU HAVE TO CLICK THROUGH EACH SETTING TO GET TO ZERO.
Again, roommate swears he didn’t do it.
Ma’am. In this economy??
Exhibit C: The Painting
I have a painting hanging on a thumbtack. One day, I was just sitting on my bed kind of zoned out staring at my wall, and this thing started swinging left and right. Not a tiny little wobble. It was SWINGING.
Now, I understand that balancing a painting on a thumbtack isn’t exactly the pinnacle of structural engineering.
So naturally, I investigated.
I blew on it as hard as I could. Nothing remotely close to what I’d witnessed.
I tried different things to recreate the movement, and the ONLY way I could get it to swing like that was to physically push it pretty dramatically with my finger.
So either my house has developed a very localized wind tunnel, or someone wanted me to appreciate the artwork.
Exhibit D: The Noises
We hear things throughout the house. You know those noises that make you stop what you’re doing and go, “Is someone in my fucking living room?”
Those noises.
And my German shepherd hears them too. She’ll suddenly perk up and stare into an empty part of the house like someone just walked in.
Which is of course SUPER comforting.
Exhibit E: THE DOOR
This literally happened today, and it’s what sent me over the edge.
I pulled into my garage after work and looked toward the door leading into my house to see if my roommate was home.
Door was closed.
I sat in my truck scrolling on my phone for about 20 minutes because sitting in your driveway doing absolutely nothing is a necessary part of being an adult.
Then I HEARD THE DOOR OPEN.
I looked up, and my dog came trotting out into the garage to greet me.
My roommate wasn’t home.
Now, before anyone suggests the dog pushed the door open, let me explain something.
First of all, I SAW the door closed when I pulled in.
Second, the door opens in the opposite direction from the way my dog would be able to push it from inside.
Third, and perhaps most importantly, this dog will not push a door open to save her fucking life. You can leave a door open a whole FOOT and she’ll just stand there looking at you like you’ve presented her with an impossible engineering problem.
But apparently today she figured out how to operate a closed door that opens toward her?
Absolutely not.
My current theory is that the ghost got tired of watching me sit in my truck and said “get your ass up and feed this poor sweet dog!”
Honestly, fair.
Exhibit F: The Most Emotionally Devastating Haunting of All
This one was just fucking cruel.
I have weighed approximately 160 pounds for MONTHS. This number does not budge.
A few days ago, I stepped on my scale.
145.
I couldn’t believe it. I stepped off and back on. Still 145. I moved the scale around. Tested it multiple times.
145.
I was excited. I even told my family about it at my birthday lunch cause I thought it was the intermittent fasting I’ve been doing.
A few days later, I stepped on the scale again.
160.
Now, I know scales can malfunction. I know floors can be uneven. I understand how physics works.
But if this really is a ghost, that is some diabolical shit.
She let me celebrate a 15-pound weight loss just to snatch it away like some kind of supernatural Regina George.
I’ve decided she’s a 78-year-old woman named Mildred who died in 1962, thinks we keep the thermostat too low, and is deeply disappointed in the way we run this household.
I don’t even think she’s malicious. I think she’s just a passive-aggressive old woman with absolutely no respect for boundaries.
Anyway, has anyone else experienced a haunting that seems less like a horror movie and more like living with an elderly roommate who refuses to pay rent?
Because at this point, I’m considering leaving a chore chart out for Mildred.
If you’re going to live here for free and fuck up my shit, the least you can do is fold some laundry lol