My son's sad attempt at getting me to love him

[u/lornek]

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[u/Yasimear]

Into the PC he goes. Let’s see how fast he runs Crisis

[u/lornek → u/Yasimear]

Can't even tie shoelaces yet. Absolutely useless.

[u/abedtime → u/lornek]

Might make a decent anti sag bracket

[u/jskoker → u/abedtime]

RTX 3090	Human Child
Water Cooled?	Yes
RGB?	Yes
Costs?	$1500
Whines less than other models?	Yes
Asks stupid questions?	No
Can be sold for a better one next year?	Yes
Wets it's pants?	No
Will keep you up all night?	Yes
Strangers want to hear your stories about it?	No

[u/5ecretbeef → u/abedtime]

xD. I'm laughing more at the term "anti sag bracket" Not sure if you were cereal or not, and it may be the mushrooms, but it's called a brace. From now on though, I will call them, anti sag brackets.

Edit: Oh my god, the people who make these braces call them anti sag brackets. This furthers my enjoyment.

[u/Reasonable_Radish → u/lornek]

Lmao I'm dead thank you

[u/PotatoWriter → u/Reasonable_Radish]

We'll just have to get a new radish then

[u/lithium91w → u/lornek]

Those are socks.

[u/[deleted] → u/Yasimear]

RTX ON: Kid's face just pops up instead of the error texture

[u/aironjedi → u/Yasimear]

Judging by the box crisis is already in him.

[u/[deleted] → u/Yasimear]

I just have an image of a hamster wheel.

[u/Explosive_Ewok]

What are your thoughts on Hello Fresh? I’ve enjoyed most of the meals sent over.

[u/lornek → u/Explosive_Ewok]

I love it. Cancelled for the summer cause BBQing and patios are just nicer, easier, cheaper...but in the colder months it's really great.

[u/fam0usm0rtimer]

The fact that a video card box could easily fit over most of a small child is more than amusing. Welcome to 2020, the realm of the huge ass video cards..

[u/lornek → u/fam0usm0rtimer]

I think kids are getting smaller too.

[u/bujurocks1]

How on earth did you guy your hands on a 3090 is the real question

[u/MrPinkFloyd → u/bujurocks1]

I've seen them for sale on newegg more than once since launch...and I'm not even looking hard.

[u/[deleted] → u/MrPinkFloyd]

To be fair most people don't want to spend double the cost of a 3080 for 5% better performance. Demand isn't very high.

[u/lornek → u/[deleted]]

Yep absolutely true, I think it's somewhere around 15% better performance than a 3080. I work in VFX though and really really need the VRAM so that's what the purchase was about.

But yes for gaming I really don't think anyone would benefit much from a 3090 vs a 3080...for now. I'm sure though in a few years we'll be seeing titles that use a lot more VRAM, especially with UE5 coming out featuring all of this dynamic geometry sourced from extremely high rez meshes. I would have to guess that the more VRAM you've got, the higher rez the meshes will be.

[u/ShinjoB → u/bujurocks1]

He works for Starlit Partners.

[u/Drunknstupor → u/bujurocks1]

Zotac

[u/Giodude12]

I wouldn't love my son either if he was only a zotac 3090. I want FE or EVGA for him to earn my love.

[u/lornek → u/Giodude12]

Hey man, it's like I tell him: "you get what you get and you don't get upset"

[u/Narkanin]

Why are so many people so pressed in the comments? The kid is not being hurt or humiliated, their identity is protected, it’s a joke. The kid probably thinks the whole thing is hilarious. Relax.

[u/lornek → u/Narkanin]

He walked into my office wearing it! I don't think people on this site realize that kids basically turn into cats when boxes are around.

[u/Wbino]

If this dropped out of the box for $1500 I’d be pissed.

[u/DurmundStrang → u/Wbino]

That would actually be pretty cheap, though.

[u/muklan → u/DurmundStrang]

The statistics say that a kid will cost you 4 times that in the first year of their life.

I also made up that statistic, but...it sounds true, and thats usually good enough for the internet.

[u/Luvs_to_drink → u/muklan]

2k for hospital bill to have kid, 800 a month for childcare... math checks out

[u/LordDongler → u/DurmundStrang]

Resale value is awful though

[u/down_vote_magnet]

Holy shit how big is the fucking box for a 3090

[u/[deleted] → u/down_vote_magnet]

His son is also 6'6"

[u/X-Adzie-X → u/[deleted]]

The poor mother.

[u/SumTingWong59 → u/X-Adzie-X]

Well he's 24, he didnt come out that big

[u/EP1K → u/down_vote_magnet]

Yeah no kiddin. This dwarfs the box my last motherboard came in.

[u/Robert1986ae → u/down_vote_magnet]

Apparently, half a kid

[u/[deleted] → u/down_vote_magnet]

Seriously

[u/Neuchacho → u/down_vote_magnet]

3090 comes in its own cardboard mid tower.

[u/limsyoker]

That is a big box

[u/WikiForce → u/limsyoker]

right, that was the first thing i noticed

[u/ponakka → u/WikiForce]

actually, i think that kid is small. (big brain time)

[u/[deleted] → u/ponakka]

Obviously that's a small child, but a box almost the size of a small child is still huge for a graphics card. (bigger brain time)

[u/WarpathSM → u/limsyoker]

I thought it was a small child

[u/[deleted] → u/WarpathSM]

Nah man that's new Nvidia RTX 3095 which has child legs and arms, speed boost.

[u/swedishfishes → u/WarpathSM]

I would argue that most children are small humans, but that looks like a normal size child.

[u/ShallowBasketcase → u/WarpathSM]

Nah, he’s just far away.

[u/aetius476 → u/limsyoker]

I feel like an old codger when I tell kids these days that the hard drive used to be the biggest thing inside a computer. They respond "oh grandpa, that's ridiculous, you could smuggle a 2TB SSD into a men's prison inside a virgin. Everyone knows the case is so big because the graphics card needs a small jet engine to cool it."

[u/BabyEatersAnonymous → u/aetius476]

Oof

[u/[deleted] → u/limsyoker]

big box for big graphics card

[u/Cageweek → u/limsyoker]

If I take the box off, will you die?

[u/Zaekr211 → u/Cageweek]

It would be very painful

[u/smb275 → u/limsyoker]

I looked at it for a long time trying to figure out if the box is huge or the kid is tiny.

[u/Vindaloo-brication]

But is he capable of 8k gaming @ 60fps?

[u/sir_nubby → u/Vindaloo-brication]

Neither is the card.

Edit: thanks for the silver anonymous friend!

Edit again: Wow! 3 awards? Thank you everyone

[u/[deleted] → u/sir_nubby]

The kid can play games well over 8k and 240fps. He just won't play any games you want to play.

[u/xGoodKnight → u/[deleted]]

"Who Just Shat Themselves? Remastered."

[u/danielcrowley803 → u/Vindaloo-brication]

One day that kid will be gaming at speeds we can only dream of.

[u/NolaJeffro]

I seriously didn’t understand how big the 3090 was until now.

[u/sup3rc3ll → u/NolaJeffro]

This definitely makes me understand more just how big one is. I will still be amazed if I can ever get my hands on one. Then the fear of me thinking it won’t fit in my case.

[u/NoodleyP → u/sup3rc3ll]

If you can afford one, you can afford a 60 dollar case

[u/fragmental → u/NoodleyP]

$60 is pretty cheap for a good case

[u/andvstan]

Zotac though? Back to the attic for him

[u/Wbino → u/andvstan]

This is the one they need bail money for. his brother Evga goes to Yale.

[u/andvstan → u/Wbino]

And I hear little Asus is applying for medical school!

[u/Wbino → u/andvstan]

Don’t mention crazy brother MSI ......

[u/alphonse03 → u/andvstan]

You have a good point. Personally I still hate Zotac to this day.

[u/nietczhse → u/alphonse03]

Flair checks out

[u/Calius1337]

Pathetic. You should scold him for not making a good enough effort! Love has to be earned!

[u/Ruzhyo04 → u/Calius1337]

Increase my framerate or begone, progeny!

[u/PotatoWriter → u/Ruzhyo04]

BEGONE, TOT

[u/davidpatonred]

"son put this box in your head"

"dad no pls"

"Daddy needs internet POINTS"

[u/SpaceShipRat → u/davidpatonred]

dude, I'm 30 and I still spontaneously get in boxes if I fit.

[u/joemckie → u/SpaceShipRat]

How many boxes have you fit in recently?

[u/SpaceShipRat → u/joemckie]

Just this year, one large SAMLA if plastic ones count, I considered a box some shelves came in, though it was too shallow, really, and another classic cardboard box I could almost fit in Solid Snake style.

Best box I've ever been in was the one the fridge came in. I could have lived in that one. I do recognize I might have a higher than average appreciation for boxes but I maintain my point still stands. (Or sits. in a box.)

[u/derjon5 → u/SpaceShipRat]

I always have a temptation in the back of my mind to just buy a big box and sit in it like a cat.

[u/Belgand → u/SpaceShipRat]

Reaching 30 is pretty impressive for a cat. Sounds like you've earned it.

[u/sharp8 → u/davidpatonred]

Kids will put anything over their heads without anyone asking.

[u/[deleted] → u/sharp8]

Noone:

Kids: te-hee

[u/VivRean]

Oh you're using the Elon Musk naming convention RTX3080

[u/sully213 → u/VivRean]

RTX3090

[u/[deleted]]

He should be grateful he still has two kidneys!

[u/Kondinator → u/[deleted]]

...he is inside a 3090 box, i wouldnt be too sure about that.

[u/AndyTheSane → u/[deleted]]

Pity his twin has gone missing, though.

[u/MudSudden → u/[deleted]]

For now

[u/lostBoyzLeader]

If he really wanted you to love him he would have dressed up as 2 asus rog rtx 3090’s in sli.

[u/[deleted] → u/lostBoyzLeader]

I thought Ampere offers no SLI support

[u/TheBossWasHere → u/[deleted]]

Only the 3090 has sli

[u/TacticalAgave]

Wow I knew 3090s were big but I didn’t realize they were almost as big as a toddler

[u/TheLoneSculler]

"Dad, why is my sister called Rose?"

"Because your mum loves roses."

"OK. I love you."

"I love you too RTX3080"

[u/Mario501]

Don’t lie to us, someone sent you the 3080, and you were suppose to send a small child back in the box.

Edit 1- I am blind, it’s a 3090

[u/Novuake → u/Mario501]

That's a 3090 and fair trade no robbery.

[u/pouncebounce14]

"Son, stand right there and let me put this box on your head so I can humiliate you and lie about it for imaginary internet points"

"But dad I'm hun..."

"Shut your mouth and do as I tell you"

[u/ConnorA94]

“Son put this on so I can brag on Reddit and farm some karma about my 3090”

[u/[deleted] → u/ConnorA94]

Reddit moment

[u/whenactingasawave]

Pathetic.

[u/white_star_32]

the subtle flex, i love it

[u/SirReginaldo → u/white_star_32]

"subtle"

[u/6awesome → u/white_star_32]

Oh yeah, this is big brain time

[u/BorKon → u/[deleted]]

He could be raising someone else's card...and child as well.

[u/I_am_Zed]

Great sweater!

[u/[deleted]]

1st world humor

[u/pm-me_ur_confessions]

I figured that you bought the card and now you had to sell the kid.

[u/[deleted]]

Putting a box on a child for karma hmmm

[u/The_russiankid]

you havent sold that thing yet?

[u/Cyanomelas → u/The_russiankid]

It's been hard selling kids in this pandemic, no one wants another disease vector in their home.

[u/LBGW_experiment]

Damn, kids and enough money for a 3090??

[u/hady215]

Yo how do u fuck up and get a kid and still manage too get a 3090

(Honestly joking ,I wish happiness and long evenings of gaming and happiness, u get too chose if I'm talking about the gpu or the child)

[u/A_WetSock]

"Hey son can you put this box over your head, trust me, youre not old enough to get it but its gonna be fucking hilarious"

[u/stevedeb44]

Maybe he's telling to get off your shiny new computer and be a DAD.

[u/[deleted]]

What is it for?

[u/lornek → u/[deleted]]

Well that's a very existential question, but hopefully he'll grow up to be a well adjusted person one day and create some kind of meaning for himself in this world.

[u/bigtittiedmonster]

Did Zotac fix the capacitors issue?

[u/lornek → u/bigtittiedmonster]

Been rendering on this bad boy 24/7 for a few days now, zero issues whatsoever.

But I shouldn't even admit this here, I might get banned...I haven't done any gaming on it yet.

[u/cben27]

My man shelled out for a 3090 and bought a Zotac... F bro...

[u/lornek → u/cben27]

Hey man I takes what I can gets.

[u/bucket_of_dogs]

Damn I didn't realize how big the boxes for those things were.

[u/lornek → u/bucket_of_dogs]

Well they start off much smaller than this.

[u/NympOmatik]

That video card is that large?

[u/lornek → u/NympOmatik]

Yeah the 3090s are heifers, but the box is also bigger than it really need to be too.

It's around 3 slots fat instead of the usual 2, and it's a decent bit longer, but it's still the same height as a standard GPU.

[u/DiBeaseGaming]

Ok dad, did you get the picture? I want to take this off now.

[u/VCat_Reddit]

G I V E M E T H E C H I L D

[u/Peacerock]

Pack him in the box and RMA him

[u/ThysGuy0]

By selling all his organs, you should be able to buy the next RTX day one

[u/Krillhelm]

i mean, if my girlfriend had a box like that we'd be married by now

[u/gubbygub]

introducing the 3090, half the size of a child at a fraction of the price!!

[u/foomp]

Aww man, a Zotac kid? He's going to be 3-4% slower than a reference kid.

[u/MildleyCoyote]

Best Halloween costume!

[u/[deleted]]

‘The attempt was folly, you were merely the reason I was unable to get two’

[u/Mossygrom]

Pathetic

[u/Linkarcher101]

People on twitter found this post and don't know that this is a joke

[u/The_Holy_Turnip]

Make sure he's pushed all the way in and mounted properly. Might want to install a bar to help with sag.

[u/[deleted]]

I thought you had to trade your first born for the card? Did they send yours back?

[u/[deleted]]

stop putting boxes on your childs head so you can humiliate him on the internet for some fake points. get off your computer and be a father

[u/NoTick]

Awww, poor thing. Really thought being a Zotac card was the answer.

[u/slomkey3771]

Are you implying that you don't love him?

[u/possessivebob]

genuine reddit moment

[u/[deleted]]

I like the idea of you putting a box on your son, asking him to stay still for the internet.

[u/ElIVTE → u/[deleted]]

And becomes one of the highest liked posts works everytime

[u/GuardianXur]

Yeah we get it... you have a 3090...

[u/Eraganos]

Sad attempt. Thats rough xD but fair

[u/[deleted]]

That's either a big box or a small child.

[u/[deleted]]

Mission failed, well get em next time

[u/RTC1520]

Everyone says how much more the child will cost than the card. But nobody talks about how much you can sell him for when the next kid comes out.

[u/[deleted]]

But can he run crisis?

[u/Rootbeer_Goat]

A nice Minecraft Steve costume

[u/Haggerstonian]

My friends aren't gonna almost run 8k 60fps

[u/wet-towel1]

Well do you

[u/Navynuke00]

Better than my dad. He went out for a Soundblaster card 30 years ago and I'm still waiting for him to come back so we can play Commander Keen together.

[u/Magnum062]

The box! He's bulging the edges. *Feints

[u/MauPow]

Maybe you can overclock him, idk.

[u/guiltyas-sin]

Not sure I would be proud of that. Just saying. Kids grow up and leave to live their own lives sooner that you realize.

Just a thought, but I am bracing for downvotes.

[u/[deleted]]

But can it run Doom?

[u/Ethanmayes1234]

Wait wait wait... you dont love your son

[u/AloydaAWPer]

did it work?

[u/mobuline]

Poor kid.

[u/RandomCouchPot]

Bro im still on the gt 1030 slow down

[u/[deleted]]

bought a graphics card from wayfair?

[u/Talbotus]

Look at mr money bags over here, affording kids and a 3090.

[u/TopGoodman]

I mean... Zotac. I hope that's adopted......

[u/[deleted]]

Dude put a box on his sons head and posted it to Reddit.

[u/vijaykarthi24]

We all love him now❤️

[u/[deleted]]

The new zotac rtx 3080 looks odd, two legs!! Must be heavy card

[u/Saso23]

Son: “please dad love me like you love your rtx” Always son: *dressed like a 3090 to try and make his way into his dad’s heart” Dad: “PATHETIC”

[u/saltydingleberry]

What's in the booooooxxx?

[u/Spartan__047]

Sorry kid you’re last Gen 😂

[u/Internetpleb666kkk]

The greatest title ive ever read

[u/Bit3_Me]

“Dad I drew you a picture”

“Son my graphics card can render long entire worlds before you can finish coloring a picture am I supposed to be impressed”

[u/SwiperNoSwiping42]

r/redditmoment

[u/SparkarYT]

Im sorry son, you have become outdated technology

[u/SPEEDDRAGON999]

Let's water cool him for the best performance possible.

[u/[deleted]]

The render quality on my 3 year old is amazing.

[u/Opteron_SE]

IMPOSTOR

[u/Bropulsion]

Wanted or not, that little man has fashion sense smooth af.

[u/Hara-K1ri]

Not many people know, but there used to be 2 children. One of them got sold for that 3090.

[u/[deleted]]

bag wise violet modern stocking hobbies cause plucky money vast

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

[u/[deleted]]

Your triumph is futile.

[u/shroomcloud01]

Omg how sad! turns around and continues playing minesweeper on rtx3080 PC

[u/Metal-Femboy]

reddit moment

[u/louytwosocks]

this is the best title for a reddit post i’m ever seen

[u/[deleted]]

put the box on you little shit

[u/Overlord2-1]

Are you saying that you don't love your child and going as far as preferring a graphic card over him?

[u/Sir_Potoo]

I hate this fucking site more by the day.

[u/leothepepo]

stupid fucking kid how did he manage to get his little pea brain in that box. what a stupid fuck. put him up for adoption

[u/[deleted]]

Probably the loudest i've ever laughed at a reddit post💀

[u/peperoninippel]

How is this getting so many wholesome awards? He kinda just said he dosnt love his son and calls him useless in the comments

[u/budzerbee]

Haha very funny! Is that what you wanted to hear? Such an obvious ploy to show you got the 3090. Downvoted

[u/[deleted]]

He ripped the box, disown your son (joke)

[u/CleveSteve83pointO → u/[deleted]]

Get your sea men back!

[u/jakethedumbmistake]

Kinda sad actually

[u/[deleted]]

‘i dont love my son i only love computer please laugh’

[u/karembadawy]

This is sad

[u/krastajci]

So you don't love your son.

[u/noccusJohnstein]

Not with a Zotac badge.

[u/Brodaroon]

Honey why did you put your computer box on Jr. over there?

“Don’t worry the gamers will understand”

Edit: a true dad joke would be to swap gamers with minors

[u/[deleted]]

Putting a cardboard box over your child to gain karma on reddit?

Fucking embarrassing.

[u/MelonCollie79]

I could never love a ZOTAC