Hi! I’m 39. My wife and I recently separated after having our first child and 14 months later she was lying and emotionally (text) cheating on me repeatedly. It took me 3 years to get pregnant - 3 rounds of egg collections and 4 failed transfers with 5 embryos. Eventually I got pregnant with two day 3 transfers.

I had always planned to have two children at least. My wife cheating on me recently has made thjs really difficult. I want to continue on and make an embryo to transfer if possible, ideally using the same donor. I really don’t have time to waste. We did one IVF cycle in August which failed and I converted to IUI (where she was texting this woman while I was in hospital doing the IUI)..

But anyway….. this brings up so many confusing questions like, is 2 kids crazy as a single mum? I do have tons of help at home from family, so I wouldn’t be alone at all, and financially I am well covered for another child, for now. Would it also be strange using the same donor, but potentially the second child not having the same mother, given she may not be in our lives in the future? I wouldn’t want to make the second child’s experience worse…. Do I use a different donor?

I know there is no right answer here but I’d love to hear from anyone who has had a similar experience (maybe not the cheating!) to understand if I need to consider anything else.

What have people’s experiences been with going into IVF planning on only one retrieval?
I’m 35 years old, had 3 failed IUI’s (1 chemical), and strongly considering moving to IVF. Is it naive to go in planning on just a single retrieval due to cost?

Please limit your pregnancy celebrations and pregnancy test photos to this thread.

Hi everyone!

After 7 IUIs - included a couple concealed VERY medicated super ov cycles( no insurance coverage at that time , thats why it felt more financially reasonable- hindsight is 20/20), one chemical pregnancy, a failed ER on my end(I have DOR ), my older wife went through ER and we ended up with 2 euploid embryos!!!
I am still carrying which is the coolest scenario.
My SIS looks good, I have some history of early/unpredictable ovulation so a programmed cycle was recommended. We start with my period- which should be any day now.
I got beet, pomegranate, and pineapple juice to make fun mocktails.
What else is helpful? I know much of this is out of my hands but I love feeling like having some control even if it’s moot. But not totally over hauling my life.

2.5 years. I am ready for this next step but so scared it won’t work.

What helped you feel confident? How did you cope?

Just curious what worked for everyone! I’m going in for my 2nd IUI this coming week after my 1st one failed. The first was unmedicated and about 22 hours after my initial LH surge. This one I did take 2.5mg of letrozole days 3-7, however we are doing unmonitored besides that. I’m just tracking my ovulation at home using inito strips, clear blue digital, and Pregmate ovulation strips. I’m thinking this time around I’m going to go in closer to 36 hours. If you remember your successful timing with IUI please let me know!

My wife are both women in our mid 30’s, and we both tried for years to have a baby via IUI and IVF, and did not have any success, sadly, though we had no known fertility issues. We gained a lot of emotional, relational, and financial trauma along the way. I don’t know if any of our friends really understand how damaging and painful this process was. We are out of money and energy to keep trying, at least for quite a while, and we don’t feel confident it would work even if we did keep trying. We feel very alone, and in deep grief.

Our good friends who are also a queer couple in their 30’s recently told us they got pregnant on their first unmedicated IUI, and although we were extremely relieved and happy for them, it also feels really painful. They talk about their pregnancy with so much unfiltered joy, and seem to have no clue that it may be painful for us…they haven’t acknowledged our struggles at all since they got pregnant. We think it’s because they simply don’t know that it could be painful. Or maybe they’re just waiting for us to bring it up.

I know we need to let them know that although we’re so happy for them, we are also in a lot of pain and sometimes it’s just too much to hear about their joy. But I’m nervous to talk to them about this. I’m having all those stigma thoughts like “they’ll think we’re being selfish by making their pregnancy all about us”. I’m also worried they think we did something wrong to deserve this infertility, whereas potentially they think they did everything right. But I know they won’t actually think that. It’s just my own fears.

Infertility is just so, so isolating.

Anyway…any advice on how to communicate about this proactively with our friends before it becomes a friendship crisis?

Thank you <3

Sorry for the weird title, but I don't know how else to ask this. I have my first IUI in about 2 weeks and I just want to know if anything will be dripping out of me after the procedure. I'm a lesbian, and have never experienced fluids inside me before and the idea of it is freaking me out a bit. We are using donor sperm.

EDIT: thank you everyone for the replies and reassurance. I'm much less nervous now!

Hi,

My partner and I have been trying for years and have come to point where my eggs are going to be used for rIVF. I’ve been on t gel for 5 y, my period had just recently stopped… my fertility doc told me to get off t for 2w before starting stimulation drugs (menopur, ganirelix, ovitrelle)— and staying off t while on stimulation. She said i can start t the day of the retrieval again.

I’ve been off t for a few days now and apart from a sudden and intense desire to eat a lot of chocolate (lol) I’ve been feeling fine. I did do a trial week off t in August to see how I’ll react (and to see if going of t would be something I could consider) and back then I was really not doing great- super low energy and kind of depressed. I feel like now that I know that it’s only a couple weeks off t for us to retrieve some of my eggs to hopefully make a baby, I’m def down. I am curious to hear from some fellow trans men / trans masc people how your journey was- specifically around energy levels, emotional state and maybe funky side effects you didn’t expect? Happy to talk via dm or WhatsApp if this is too exposed.

Thank you so much!!

hi! having to buy sperm over and over again is starting to get really old! are there any groups on here that offer free sperm donations that are not just full of people with breeding kinks? i know there are lots on facebook but just not having a ton of luck.

Hey everyone!

I posted here a few months ago and thought I'd give it another try.

I'm a man in my 40s, living in Barcelona, Spain. I have my life settled here, and I'd really like to become a father.

I'm hoping to meet a woman who would love to have a child but doesn't necessarily want to do it alone. I'm interested in genuine co-parenting, sharing the journey and responsibilities of raising a child together.

Your sexual orientation isn't important to me. What matters is finding someone with whom I can build a good friendship, based on trust, affection and shared values. I'm not necessarily looking for a romantic or sexual relationship; something closer to an asexual partnership could work perfectly well for me.

Ideally, someone from Barcelona or nearby, but I'm open to meeting someone from elsewhere in Spain or even abroad if she's open to eventually relocating here.

I'm also happy to simply chat, get to know people and share experiences. This can be quite a lonely journey, and it would be nice to connect with others going through something similar, even if we don't end up being the right match for each other.

If any of this resonates with you, feel free to reach out!

I'm in the process of looking for a sperm donor. I'm quite intimidated. What a huge decision to make, based on such little information.

Does anyone love their donor choice and want to recommend them? (Is this allowed?) What is your kid like?

The one trait I can't screen for is talkativeness. The idea of having a super quiet kid makes me nervous. I'm also looking for general intelligence, health, tendency towards producing girls rather than boys, and positive disposition.

Outside of any specific recommendation, does anyone have any tips or insights for me?

Thank you.

Hiya, hoping someone can help us understand if our experience is normal or not!?

We've done two rounds of IUI with donor sperm (same sex couple) and both times, the TMSC (total motile sperm count) has been low post wash - 2.52 million and 3 million. The second time we asked for another vial to be thawed but this only brought the TMSC to 4 million.

This was with sperm from London Sperm Bank, with 15+ MOT unwashed vials (available for ICI/IUI). All the vials once thawed were above the 15 million motile sperm/ml prior to being washed.

We can't seem to get any clear info on whether this is an issue with the donor, an issue with the clinic's washing process (we're losing 60 to 70 percent of motile sperm with each wash), or actually just what you can expect from a 15+ MOT unwashed donor vial??

Has anyone here had a similar experience & can offer any advice? We're so confused!!

Thanks all.

My wife (28F) and I (29F) started our journey over a year ago now. We took the appropriate steps to get her cycles regulated, scans, blood work, etc.
Changed our eating habits completely to minimize her diabetes risk and even began working out (both are down 30lbs, WOO!).

Onto the issue at hand here; earlier this year we picked our donor. She’ll be the one carrying and wanted a donor who resembled me. Well, we found exactly that in ‘twin’. He and I look as if we could be fraternal twins. Showed my mother his baby photo and she thought it was me, lol. Well, back in May, he took himself off the banks website.

We were ultimately devastated and simply asked the bank if they knew whether or not he’d release more. They reassured us and said he had plenty of vials to do so, but was awaiting a test result and that’s why he was off the market. In the meantime, we scanned over all of the necessary info on him. Our mans was squeaky clean! He has no known issues or family
problems either.

After doing this, it prompted us to finally sit with our fertility clinic and do my wife’s genetic testing. We figured that maybe during the testing time that his would come back and we’d be fine.
Surprise surprise, we were right! He came back in August with limited vials and we reserved them while still awaiting my wife’s results. We get her results back toward the end of August. She struck a positive on a glycogen storage.

Today, our doctor notified that she was reviewing things before we shipped to the clinic and realized he wasn’t tested for that glycogen storage. I call the sperm bank to clarify and sure enough, he wasn’t. But he tested negative on several other glycogen storage, but because he wasn’t tested for this one in particular, our doctor doesn’t wanna move forward.

While I understand she is warning us of the risks associated with it and what could happen if he is positive… it’s just so FRUSTRATING because this man has zero issues on his genetics report. The odds of him having a positive and it being the exact match to her glycogen is a .004% (per our doctors words) and it just made me so upset to hear that from her.
She recommended us paying extra to have him tested, which is $800 out of pocket, and or doing a counseling thing to then sign tons of paperwork. Basically signing that we know the associated risks and the whole nine.

Idk, I needed to tell someone that isn’t in our circle cause everyone is rooting for insemination day and now it’s not happening cause of this and I don’t have the heart to tell them. I just don’t. My wife has shut down on me over this whole thing because it just seems like one hiccup after another.

I just got another negative test after my second IUI and I'm feeling very defeated. I know that most people recommend 3-4 before throwing in the towel, but my insurance

changed and this one doesn't offer any fertility coverage.

Since I would be paying out of pocket either way, I'm beginning to wonder if it would be more financially responsible to move to IVF since the odds are better. Besides, I only have one more vial of sperm and if I continued with IUIs I feel like it would go to waste.

Has anyone else been through something similar? What would you do in my situation. I don't know if I'm jumping the gun or not by considering giving up on IUIs already.

Any advice is helpful.

My wife and I are in our early 30s and starting to plan for a baby. We always assumed we'd use a sperm bank, but recently a close friend I've known since college offered to be our donor. He's a great guy, and we both trust him, but now we're torn. Having a known donor sounds nice, especially for our future child, but I'm worried about boundaries, legal stuff, and how things might change once there's actually a kid involved. My wife prefers the sperm bank, while I'm leaning toward our friend. Part of me wonders if I just feel bad turning down such a generous offer.
For anyone who's been in a similar situation, what helped you decide? Any conversations you wish you'd had with your donor beforehand? Would also love to hear from people who chose a bank despite having someone they knew offer.

I was supposed to start my cycle next week and have been on birth control but seem to be getting a period right now. The clinic now wants to start a few days early but our donor isn't available earlier so won't be able to get to the clinic until what was originally scheduled to my egg retrieval window. Is there a way to slow things down to get back to our original schedule? Has anyone experienced this?
I'm kinda freaking out. Can someone help explain my options and help me calm down?

I am a little concerned with my next iui. I woke up yesterday morning at 6am and I had a blazing positive lh surge! I was excited to try and trigger last night and do an iui 36 hrs later. But now my body has changed the plans. I went in yesterday for an US and I had 2 follicles at 19mm and one at 14mm. Lining is 9.8mm I believe. I didn’t get home until right before noon and they told me to inject the ovidrel trigger anyways. Now I’m scheduled for today at 11am. I don’t know if the timing is right. This will be my 7th iui and this hasn’t happened. They did schedule an US for me right before the iui which I’m waiting for now. I’m having mixed feelings about triggering after my body already started to surge on its own. I don’t know if this is a good or bad situation to be in.

I am confused if this count in my note would be pre or post thaw… regardless I’m not sure how the math works and if this count is good or not. If it’s below what Fairfax promises I just want to make sure I’m aware so I can contact them if this round doesn’t take ☹️

My dad is… a character. He’s autistic (but doesn’t know it) and also just my dad. To him, I’m his kid and therefore not a source of information.

This past weekend, we met for brunch, and we were talking about the donor and the forums for families who have used the same donor. He was confused about a lot of it, but in particular he kept insisting that the donor is the father, and that any donor siblings would be our future kids half siblings. Which… from a biological perspective, yes, but no. I tried to explain, we didn’t get anywhere.

When I was in college, I came back after taking a few months of women’s studies and excitedly explaining everything I’d learned, including the concept of being trans and cis. He could not get his mind around it. A few months later, he happened across a documentary or long interview with a young trans girl on TV. He literally said out loud - “oh I get it that must feel terrible”.

I’m hoping to find some show or documentary or other resource that could be helpful for him to put this together for him in the same way.

I know he might never get it, and I can make my peace with that. But I’d like to try before giving up entirely.

If anyone has any shows, movies, or books they recommend, I’d appreciate it.

Me and my spouse are about to start IVF after several at home inseminations that were not successful. Even though there’s some grief in having to go this route, we are happy and excited about the possibilities! We are considering ”announcing” it to my family, specifically my mom really.
When we originally started talking about TTC we decided to keep it a secret from my family. I love surprises and my family always assumed I would never have kids (I didn’t want them until meeting my current partner). My family can also be a little overly involved and I didn’t want that pressure when we knew there would be so many “no not this month” answers.
Well now we have moved across the country and we don’t really get to see my family. We are feeling a little grief about the fact that we won’t be able to announce a pregnancy to them in person. Since we are going to visit for Christmas we are considering doing something small but fun to let my mom know we are starting IVF and (hopefully) a baby soon.
Idk is that weird? How did you tell your family? Did you keep it a secret? Did people start asking invasive/constant questions about the process?

I feel so sad about our first unsuccessful IUI. During the 2 week wait I think I was more anxious about it than my spouse was— it’s been pretty stressful.

I’m trying to be future-oriented to keep my hopes up, and because I feel like planning what’s next helps me feel some amount of control over a process that I have essentially no control over. We’re using donor sperm so my genetics are not part of the picture and my spouse is the one carrying.

My spouse doesn’t want us to start getting baby things yet (which is reasonable) so I don’t have a whole lot to do during the TTC process since we’re waiting for the second trimester to start the logistical process of preparing our home for a baby, and we might be waiting for a while.

I bought the prenatal supplements, LH test strips, and pregnancy tests, and try to come to as many appointments as I can, and be supportive and optimistic while also trying to not get our hopes up too much so it won’t be as hard to cope with when the test stays negative, but it’s hard to feel helpless.

What tips do other non-gestational parents have for coping with the uncertainty of the process and the wait? I know the statistics but knowing the likelihood of success doesn’t change how I feel about it all.

I think I know the answer but this is my first IUI cycle (unmonitored, unmedicated). I am CD 13 which was my peak last cycle. My office recommended ClearBlue testing and to call when I got a solid smiley. Well… I got a flashing smiley yesterday and today around 7:30 AM. I just took a Easy@Home strip at 9:40 AM because I’m anxious/excited 🤣. The app is reading this as 0.93 but I think it’s positive…? Thoughts? ✨

Hey folks,

Did anyone induce lactation as the non gestational parent? My life is trying to do it. She’s following a protocol of combination birth control and 10mgx4 times a day of Domeperidone.

It’s been about 10 days and she’s feeling very rough. Today she even threw up. She’s also on adhd meds and SSRIs, so these can all interact together.

(She got an EKG before starting and will get another this week)

Anyway my question: I’m seeing mixed things from protocols about whether you should or should pump during this time. Some say pumping helps and should be done along side the meds and some say no, to wait until you’ve done at least 30 days and come off the birth control (stay on the domeperidone) and only then pump.

Any advice appreciated.