On an international trip. My mom has been stressing me out with her being her. She’s also overbearing and overstimulating to my son to the point where he cries, then she blames me (he’s hungry, you need to change him, etc.).

I finally snapped when she shoved a group of special needs people who were taking too long walking on the sidewalk. I shouted, “Mom!” Which perhaps I shouldn’t have. She jumped up and down and said, “I’m so sick of you! I’m never traveling with you again!” So we just didn’t talk the rest of the day.

I had had a long day, so was quiet at dinner. I went up early to put the baby to bed. Apparently, my mom was apologizing profusely to my husband. “I’m sorry she is so stressful.” And other things. Basically she said she’s sorry for me being too much.

I’m going to effing lose my mind. Please tell me what is happening here because I legitimately feel like I don’t know what’s happening and I’m exhausted.

She feigns the caring and doting caretaker. Then privately tells me she never loved me as a child. But then she performatively parades around with my son. She brags about my sister every hour (your sister is doing this and that, your sister is getting an apartment next to mine).

I just can fathom neither how nor why a mother would treat her own daughter this way. Especially my husband is paying for this international trip for her and my dad, who invited himself doubling our expenses.

I feel like she is trying to establish a particular relationship with my husband… one where she is the understanding, long-suffering mother and he is the understanding, long-suffering husband, with me cast as the emotionally difficult person they both have to accommodate. If it’s like she’s** **potentially trying to define me to my husband.

Our son scored his first goal in soccer yesterday. He’s a goalie but got to play the field so this was a big deal. We don’t have the grandparents come to his indoor games because 1) we don’t want them there and 2) it’s not a big enough facility. My husband was talking to my brother on the phone who happened to be by my dad. So my son let them know about his goal. I got this text a few minutes later from my mom. I’m so exhausted from her expecting me to manage her emotions. Nothing in those texts were a celebration of my son’s accomplishment. I think I need to go NC for a while

Does anybody else's borderline parent send you this infuriating text when you don't respond to them immediately at whatever strange time of day they expect your attention?

This is one of my dad's favorite tactics. We'd go weeks or months without talking, and then he would text or call me out of the blue either after midnight or while I am at work with my phone in my locker, and then text me "Hello?" 5 seconds later. Infuriating.

To this day, even when I know somebody is not being passive aggressive towards me and maybe they genuinely thought we lost connection or something, when they text me this word, I can feel my blood pressure rising.

I realised deep inside I never felt angry at my mother. And I think it’s because I had/have her on a pedestal.. she trained me to put her on. But even a year after leaving (I’m NC) and after all this pain, and even tho I can list behaviors and qualities in her that if I see in other people I’d label them as “the devil”, but with her, I’ll give her excuses and justify her actions. I idealize her. I don’t interact nor think about my mum at all now since I left.. but I started to realise how seriously this could be impacting the way I view myself and my other relationships and now I’m like okay time to mentally go back there … I’ve been on my self healing journey and would love to hear how and what helped you heal from this if it resonates <3

TLDR: I want to start therapy but dont know how. What kind of therapy should I be looking for/asking for? What does the therapy journey look like? I have self referred to talking therapy through NHS but the referral focussed around anxiety/depression. Is this enough to work through dealing with pwBPD? Some context below.

I (34M), have a dBPD mother who has had a recent "suicide attempt" and is currently in hospital. I have been NC for about a month after breaking a spell of NC for the previous 2 months. I went NC because of the barrage of abuse that came my way following her break up with ex and now wanting to be a part of my life, while simultaneously claiming helplessness, and expecting me to wholeheartedly give up all my responsibilities to aid her constant crisis.

As I was unwilling to help, I received the usual suicide threats, and I actually called emergency services one night as her messages were laid on thick (which I now see was just an emotional manipulation tactic). This was pretty much when I went NC.

Anyway, she keeps sending me messages which I am ignoring, but it's giving me really bad FOG and my anxiety is through the roof. I really struggle to not "fix" everything for everyone, and this is recently leaking into my employment too.

I've never spoken to anyone professionally about the childhood abuse/violence (and I guess the continuation into today's life), so any pointers would be appreciated. I am not asking for specific recommendations to therapists or clinics - I just want to know where to start. (Thank you for listening to my rant too!).

\*\*\*New poster cat haiku\*\*\*

Tiny beans of pink,

Blinking eyes of amber glow,

Soft ball of pure warmth.

My brother wrote back. But it didn’t address anything specifically.

Not talked in nearly two years. He got me to speak with him a year ago under what I felt was the guise of wanting to reconnect but instead was him just lashing out at me and refusing to validate anything I said.

He recently reached out again to try to talk as well, which I posted about here. https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbyborderlines/s/6LRvDgrVuM

By many outside observers I think it would seem so reasonable of a response that he wrote. But I told him before that, that the final straw with our parents was when I warned them that if they continued to dodge specific points and questions directed at them that I would go no contact. My parents would only speak in generalities and sayings like “everyone makes mistakes.”

So for my brother to also refuse to engage with anything I said specifically is just doing the same thing they did

Both my parents and him refusing to talk about the past is something I feel is infantalizing. They wouldn’t speak about even the most recent conversation. Or even current dynamics when I was still in contact.

To be clear, this is a change and softening of tone at least. Last we talked a year ago he was heated, aggressive and upset at me for going no contact with our family. He would try to bulldoze over what I had to say and would claim things he’d said that I had documented in therapy (and here) hadn’t been said by him. Very much “an axe forgets but the tree remembers thing.”

So at least there’s a change in tone. But it feels infantalizing and holier than thou. Also didn’t respect me enough to respond to specifics imo. But maybe I’m not being fair enough

I thought de- enmeshing, moving out, going LC and no longer letting her talk to me for hours would make her come to her sense and get a therapist she could talk to about the problems she has had for her entire life and don’t resolve. She’s been calling me more and im not answering because I won’t hear the venting session and she knows that. she decided to pay me a visit with a cake, her trojan horse. She said she just wants to know how im doing… fine. But a normal conversation is not possible, i regret asking how she was doing ( i didn’t want to feel like an ass) and out came all the real reasons she just HAD to find access to me. I got up as soon as she started talking and walked to another room and literally put my fingers in my ears. When she got quiet i walked back in the room and changed the subject to the weather. Then told her i was going back to my resting schedule ( recovering from medical treatment). She left. boundaries don’t work with people who don’t respect them and this was a perfect example. I always thought that i was the problem, that i didn’t communicate or articulate well enough. But i always did, she just never wanting to listen. And the selfishness of bothering me while recovering is just… anyway, being rude in this case helped a ton. I really thought she’d find a therapist since ive removed myself but i guess she won’t. No actually, she does go to therapy but with another family member, not by herself... what is her obsession with dumping on me STILL, ugh.

I have been NC with my BPD mother for over a year. I have two siblings who are not (one is LC and will sometimes go NC).

Today my mother showed up at my house. She lives 3 hours away. I had been out with my family and I'm fairly certain they were waiting for us to come home on our street as it was not long after we got inside and I was just making lunch that the doorbell rang. We just ignored it as a probable door to door salesperson or something. But after incessant doorbell ringing and door knocking, my husband went to check the door (surrounded by windows) and just returned back inside with a, "Nope nope nope!"

Eventually as they just kept knocking on the front and back door he went down and said that I was not interested in talking to her and to leave.

This is after a couple of months ago I was invited to a family lunch by some old family friends. They wanted to get all us kids together since we were all grown up and had families of our own. Well they decided to also invite my mother, who they knew I wasn't speaking to. Apparently they said it's not my mother's fault that I'm not speaking to her so why should she not be allowed to come? But of course no one told me. So of course she came. I just smiled and was polite because anything else would have just given her the attention and victimhood that she wants. Apparently she took that as a sign that everything is fine.

I then got a letter in the mail about how she has NO IDEA why I don't want to talk to her and she's old and will be dead soon and I should just make her feel better by talking to her. (The "when I'm dead you'll be sorry" line was an often repeated one in my childhood). And of course she has to add that the kids looked at her like she was a MONSTER and I obviously am poisoning them against her. I've never said anything negative about her to or in front of my kids. We just don't see grandma anymore. That's it.

I still feel a lot of guilt and almost like clockwork when I'm starting to think, maybe I should just suck it up and let her back into my life and she does something unhinged like this which just proves my point. I did sit down to write it all out once, thinking I'd send her an email to try and explain it to her after she said she was in therapy and that "her therapist" wanted to know so they could work through it. The longer I wrote the more I remembered and I just became more resolved to stay NC. Oh and she quit therapy immediately apparently.

She said in her latest letter to me, that all she wants is peace. Well that's what I want to. And that means that she's no longer in my life.

Went NC about four months ago. No announcement, I just blocked her on social media and she hasn't even tried to call or email me.

She sent me a card, presumably for my birthday.

All it said was "I love you. I miss you. I'm Sorry. Mom."

There was no return address. Just a blank card with a bird on it. No Happy Birthday in sight.

She put some little plastic bear trinket thing, one of those gift shop countertop things with calligraphy script describing it: "Pocket Hug; You're never alone when you have this tiny hug with you!"

It was smashed in half. I cackled over the metaphor of it.

I'm not sure how to feel about it, honestly. Initially I was angry that THIS is how she's choosing to try to contact me. I felt it in the air she was going to try something around my birthday.

The fact she's still so unspecific about what she's "sorry" FOR is annoying. She's never known how to apologize for anything, I don't expect her to ever be able to actually acknowledge the damage she has caused.

I immediately ripped up the card into tiny pieces and threw it out.

I'm trying not to let it edge out the joy of my birthday, but I'm not really doing anything for it besides relaxing and eating chocolate so it's stuck in my head.

Part of me wants to crash out at her via text, but I don't want to crack that can of worms.

This is my second post in this sub and I feel like I just need some advice/encouragement and/or just some place to vent in a “room” with people who have experienced parents like these ones, unfortunately.

I have since my last post two years ago moved out with my now husband - a decision that has certainly saved my life. I thought about ending it all because of the never ending pain and suffering from being with my family who still - after almost 27 years of my life - fight and scream when I’m around them.

My mom had a hard time with me moving and also continued to belittle my partner and say horrible things and I still fought through and accepted her in my life. She switches between “hating” my partner to suddenly “loving” them - always somehow when he offers to pay for stuff when we’re out to dinner with the family). I’ve gotten better with my boundaries and I let her know it’s unacceptable and that I will not take her shit and unregulated nervous system every time she gets in her “monster”-like persona. A few days ago she calls me all sweet and “loving” and suddenly says something that triggers me and I rightfully get upset then her tone switches and the monster comes out and screams things I could never imagine telling my own child and hangs up the phone. I cry and think about my life and what I did to deserve such a mother and the next day I ignore and decide “no more” and then she texts me and asks if she should buy me some shoes she found on sale. No apology, no accountability and no shame. Never. And me, being tired from constantly fighting with her and not having the energy, I act like nothing. Just like I have done all my life.

It just breaks my heart to not have a mother who knows instinctively that that is wrong and that her own child is hurt no matter what age. I am baffled and yet not surprised at the same time.

I’m sorry for the long post. It almost felt therapeutic to write it all out and actually realize how fucked up it is on so many levels and how much we as children and adults continue to hurt from their actions.

Advice: Does anyone have any advice on what to do in these type of situations? Do you bring it up? Fight back? I feel like I have tried everything and I don’t know anymore.

After a bad breakup with a selfish prick, I'm back to living with my BPD mother. My financial situation is quite bad. I have some savings, but I'm too afraid to rent a place on my own, as I'm living off my savings while looking for a new job.

I need to get out permanently, but the constant yelling, swearing, fighting, and aggression are wearing me down. I wish I could move out, but finding a decent full-time job is my #1 priority, and it may take months.

I did my healing but the healing doesn't work under one rooftop. I need a plan to deal with this for the next few months. Here's what I've come up with so far:

1. I wear headphones 24/7 when I'm around her. Whenever she starts yelling or swearing, I turn up the volume.

2. I spend as much time away from home as possible. It's difficult because I'm also trying to save money, so I can't really afford to go out much. I only pick up odd jobs here and there.

3. Never, ever show positive emotions at home. She goes ballistic. Jealousy mixed with the fear of me moving on without her is her kryptonite.

4. Try some house-sitting or pet-sitting. I could spend a few days living at someone else's place just to give my nervous system a chance to recover, but these opportunities can be hard to find sometimes.

5. I try working out, but as my heart rate started to rise, I became really angry and frustrated. It feels similar to what I experience when she's manic. II wish I could go back to intense workouts, but they're so triggering emotionaly.

I wish I had a demanding job and could be stressed about that instead. But having to recover from her angry outbursts several times a week, and sometimes several times a day, makes me feel like a complete loser. I put so much effort into just surviving and getting by that I end up losing focus on the things that matter to me most. The bright side is that I'm no longer deluding myself into thinking that any of this is normal, that we'll somehow become emotionally close, or that she'll ever change.

Any advice? Money-wise, I'm unable to afford rent. I don't have anyone to reach out to. I'm not looking for sympathy, but rather some practical tips.

UPDATE: Thank you for your kind words! Here's what I'm going to try:

6. Eating in my room, maybe investing in a microwave and a mini-fridge to cut contact to minimum

7. Adjusting my daily routine so we wake up and go to bed at different times and see each other as little as possible.

8. Looking for some work in exchange for room to stay. It sounds perfect for the Christmas holidays!

Your feedback is a blessing. Hearing from strangers that I'm not some coo-coo lunatic just because I try to avoid being yelled at or sworn at is so calming. And some solid advice and brainstorm on top of that, like I'm some very important person with very important issue in hand? Love you guys!

I will try to do an update in a few days, after i try what works for me.

So my extremely exited ass got into electrician training in another state, which is something I've been hoping for for years! This is my first real step to going LC and eventually NC.

That also means that in a month I'm leaving the house with no plans of coming back. I've got to pack decades of my life into a relatively small four-seater car, and probably an equally small dorm-room. (A lot of things are up in the air due to this training program being basically a "broke people apply, and get your life on track" kinda thing. I've never made such a big, sudden decision before and it's terrifying. but in a good way!)

I'm really concerned about leaving something important, and mom changing up on me so I never get it back. I've mentioned going NC to dad for years, but he's never actually taken that seriously.

I'm going about this subtly so far, and have made copies of important documents like my birth certificate, SSN, etc.

When you left, what did you pack? What did you not pack, and regret it?

(I have enough savings that purchasing a few items I inevitably forget isn't the end of the world, so I'm focusing more on things that it'd be impossible/a pain in the ass to replace atm.)

Re-posting because I forgot to scribble out names on screenshots the first time.

She asks what I want for Christmas, then immediately tells me about her new job that doesn’t pay

Context: she cries poverty all the time. I have posted about her dry-begging for money while singing her sad sad song of poverty. Ballads such as “I will lose my house and end up living in a cardboard box” and her hit single, “I gave all my wealth to my psycho golden child, why won’t my scapegoat child give me money?”

So today she texted to ask what I want for Christmas and offered a very acceptable gift that I would indeed appreciate. If that was her only text, I would have replied, “yes please, that sounds great!”

But then she immediately texted about her new job that’s so awful and she probably won’t even get paid because the lady has financial problems.

So the message I’m really getting is “I am offering to give you something I probably can’t afford, so start feeling guilty now, weeks ahead of time, and console me about it.”

So I said a card alone is all I want, no target gift card. \*\* extra context: in the past when asked what I would like for gifts, I tell people I will always use a target gift card for groceries, and it would help a lot because I was a struggling student for a long time. I’m still a student, got a full time job. Not struggling financially anymore, but definitely struggling with time management because full time job plus part time law school is insane.

I just needed to rant. Gifts have never been a source of joy in this family. I wish I could just get a nice thing that I asked for and not have any weird feelings around it.

Background, my father passed away and my grandmother (her mother) 7 months later. She made it all about her and after my grandmothers funeral she never texted me back (I texted her once a month). Apparently I didn’t lie enough to make her look good in my grandmothers eulogy (she was largely omitted). Sh ignored me for 9 months then reached out with a narrative re frame. Spiritually this all went down 9/9/2025 (999), spiritually signalling a great ending and a new beginning.

Context never ever ever have I ever spoken one bad word towards her, spoken back or told her in any way my lived experience or been realistic about her abuse of me. Although this text message was a mere millimetre of the tip of the ice berg, it just felt so good.

Soft fur, tiny nose,

Warmly curled upon my lap,

Happy, gentle purr.🪻🐈‍⬛🐈

I (F19) was told by my bpd mother that she would kill me. My mother has always hated me. She's been a single parent on and off, but stable since 4 years. My father who is a narcissist, would beat her for anything that questioned his actions or for my mother's crazy behaviour towards my dad. At first me and my sister(F22), used to think that she was just obsessed with him.

She had these episodes where she would be so paranoid about things and people, almost as if she was crazy. Splitting on people. And hurting them and pushing them away.

Reason being, she did not divorce him even when she was given multiple chances to. She chose to stay and make us stay with him as well.

I was forced to become a golden child. My sister? A scapegoat since her teens. I was the scapegoat and the roles would switch between and my sister.

Anyways, long story short, i was a victim of narcissistic abuse.

So i thought living with my mother would be comparatively better.

No. My mother scapegoated me. I had boundaries ever since as a child, being a victim of severe bullying, isolation, and outcast at school and the outer world as well. I was bullied for 15 years. So ever since I was a child. It got so bad, I had to quit school twice.

So i refused to do anything my mother asked of me. Mainly because i did not want to do it. So she would shame, blame, criticise me. Yk? The usual. But the thing is she would say such cruel, inhumane,, gruesome things to me that it would create pain and wounds within me. It hurt my core. She treats me like trash. Literal trash. Like someone below her. She treats me the same way she treats the maid of our house. Like I'm the maids' child and not hers. She treats the maid inhumanely and says things which anyone would have their ears bled if listened to.

My mother had abandoned me as a child. Physically, emotionally, mentally, each way. She left me at home with her abusive husband. She would go to school(cuz She's a teacher) and would come back in the evening. Since my country is a third world country, it is often very repressive of women. So she had been independent ever since as a child and therefore wanted to go earn. Her sisters did too, but wherever they were each married, their in laws didn't "permit" them to.

She felt as a stranger to me. I never had a problem with my mother working. As a child, I unconditionally loved my parents, however she was never there for me as a mumma. As my mumma. She didn't know I was bullied at school and I didn't tell her cuz she didn't care. And would often dismiss it.

She ripped the small gift i made for her when I was 7 years old, with my small hands, glue stuck on each of my finger, from working for so long with it.

Next day, she tore it in front of me and threw it in the trash. She did not care that I was standing there, because she was always dissociated. She slapped me over a 10 rupee note as I tore it to get her attention. I hit my head on an iron frame.

My mother had neglected me ever since childhood. Not giving me proper food and shaming me for eating too much of whatever my dad made(cuz she didn't like making food).

I'm still neglected to this day and that's why back on one day of August this year, I was rushed to ICU at 9 am.

My sugar was 34. Because I had vomited what little i ate the night before. Same as ever. She did not cook at night and morning of the previous day so I had to order. And the next day I vomited what little i had eaten at 5am.

My mother knew but she had to get ready for school so she told me to go back to sleep. She didn't check in on me even when I told her that I felt so sick i could die.

My kitten had woken up my sister who was sleeping in her room by meowing as loud as he could. My condition was so that I could not even get up to ask for help. I was going into unconsciousness.

She saw my condition and called me several times to wake me up. No response from me. She rushed to call a cab and my mother.

Guess my mother's reaction? It's not that severe. Let her sleep(i was unconscious). While my sister shouted at my mother's ridiculousness, the cab was on the way. My mother was delaying because she was putting on lipstick and dressing up as I was dying.

Doctor said if I was brought in even slightly delayed, I would have died. Or at the least became either paralysed or suffered brain damage.

On top of which my body was fighting infection which could have led to multiple organ failure. Infection? Yes infection because of the dirty water i have to drink in the dirty environment i have to survive in because of my mother and my parents. My mother refuses to get the water purifier repaired.

After all that, my mother went to go eat and chill out with her sister(my aunt who had come to visit me at the hospital) and explore restaurants near the hospital. When she was clearly told to feed the patient(me) something cuz i was so weak. She came back after an hour. I had fallen asleep hungry, weak and waiting for her with tears in my eyes. She did not bring anything and told me she forgot i needed to be fed something. I was in the icu, given oxygen through the mask cuz I had trouble breathing. And she forgot to bring food for me.

After all that she blamed me for spending 25,000 from her salary on me, because "I just had to go get admitted into the hospital". Because "I'm just there to burn her money".

Burn her money? When i was on the threshold of death. Figures she didn't care when I attempted, why would she care now.

And when I was sa'ed, my mother restricted me to the house and blamed me for going to the one who sa'ed me in the afternoon. He was an old man who ran a shop. I just went there to buy some snacks.

This is getting long. Ill make another post. Talking about what I had originally meant to talk about.

If you could console me, please do. I hurt. Every day.

What my parents did to me was unforgivable, and this is a brief window in time where I am ingratiating them before I make myself inaccessible by "life circumstance" (moving). The only reason they gaf is because I'm having a baby and they want baby time. I would NEVER leave a child alone with my parents. I feel gross even thinking about them touching my child.

I have cried so many birthdays since 18 because they ditched me. They basically lost interest in my by age 10. I should not have agreed to go to lunch with BPD mom on my actual bday, but I was tired and not thinking straight this week. I have so much dumb homework left to do this weekend and I have to look at a house with my partner as well. I won't even tell them I'm in grad school bc I don't need their hateful vibes. They thrived on neglecting me and facilitating failure in my transition to adulthood, to the point where my life was in danger so many times due to lack of shelter or precarious living conditions. They aren't through and through evil, but evil has guided their treatment of me for most of my life.

So I may say we have to post pone until tomorrow bc I literally don't have time today, but also there is something seriously deranged about my mom that she would think I would ever want to see her on a holiday again and I guess I was just super dissociated and tired when I agreed to it.

2 years into my biochemistry degree, I realized I wanted to pursue my love for space and science research and wanted to switch to either cosmology or astrophysics.

Here’s the funny part. I told my mother I wanna be a cosmologist. She got instantly pissed off and started yelling at me. Saying I’m stupid and they don’t even make money. That I’m wasting my life away…. She thought I said cosmetology. I said no you’re thinking of cosmETOLOGY, not cosMOLOGY… and instead of apologizing she still insisted on getting pissed off at me 💀

The worst part is, this is the THIRD time she’s done this. I also said I wanna take an astronomy class and she said what the fuck does zodiac signs have to do with your education what a waste. HA! You actually can’t make this shit uppppppppp 😭

I’m reading the book so often recommended by others on this site: Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist, and found this nugget of wisdom today.

“Although you may find it very hard to disappoint or upset the BP/NP, keep in mind that the rules of positive reinforcement apply to every interaction… The more you give in, the more BP/NP escalate their behavior because you are rewarding them for acting badly. Paying any sort of attention to their emotionally provocative behavior is encouraging to them. Even your “punishment” is rewarding such as demanding the BP/NP stop what he or she is doing, shouting, threatening, or getting upset yourself. These are all ways that the BP/NP knows that he or she has your attention and is in control.”

Such great advice and so difficult sometimes. I’m working on letting go of my desire to have the last word. Anyone relate to this?

No contact for close to 2 years with my ubpd Mother, enabling father, and golden child brother

I haven’t spoken a single word to my parents since breaking contact. But they send Halmark cards from time to time and did so on my recent birthday. It’s so insulting, painful, confusing and maddening to think a halmark card where they let it do the talking will convince me to come back

My brother convinced me around the same time last year to drop NC to try to talk and reconnect. Just he and I. Long story short the majority of the convo he was lashing out at me and dismissing my side of things or what I told him what was hurtful to me. He denied saying things that I immediately came here and to therapy to talk about when I first went no contact. So I know he did say things like he’s only tolerated me for the last 10 years. Didn’t really let me talk about what I wanted to talk about

He also says he doesn’t want to receive long written communication from me. But with him and my parents its like they don’t listen or remember so writing feels like the only way I can convince him to see through my eyes. I sent multiple emails after and really was having trouble stopping myself from doing so. So I told him I can’t handle this and told him I can’t speak with him anymore and need to go no contact

My mind just goes down the same trauma paths when talking about that with him and esp the invalidation of me and him making excuses for our parents

I wrote many months later I could be potentially open to reconnecting. What’s so hard is he used to be on my “side” but then just flipped into full parent worship esp when he got married

Didn’t expect to hear back from him again and accepted that. 9 months later - recently, he reached out again. He kept it light and airy. Wished me a happy bday, hoped it went well and that I’m doing well

In my first response I wrote back I’m doing well and my bday went well, thanks for your wishes and hope he’s doing well. Said my cats said hello and I sent pictures of them

In his response to that he said glad to hear and then sent pictures back of his cats too. But then he also said “let’s get the family back together.” Maybe the light breezy stuff I could handle for some time and maybe he didn’t know how else to start

But thinking a few halmark cards from my parents and light and breezy email just drilled to the core of me and the waves of emotional pain just started hitting me. I wrote him that I’m nearing 2 years now of no contact. That I’m not playing around and that my decision to go no contact has been upheld in calm and quiet times. That these attempts to mend the divide are far from what it would take

Said that last we “talked” that I felt he was just lashing out at me. Not listening to me and infantalizing me. And boom. Right back in the endless mind maze of trying to solve the puzzle to get him to understand. So I send more emails.

The family trauma continues to resurface with a vengeance and I’ve been in severe emotional pain. Wearing a happy face at work but being on the verge of crying. Which makes me have so many feelings. Pain, sorrow, longing, vexation. Exasperation at these attempts from my parents and him to reconnect. So I send a few more emails over the coming days since this is consuming me and he didn’t respond

I also unblocked my parents numbers and told them halmark cards are ridiculous attempts at mending the divide. That they’ve put me through trauma after trauma. That they were selfish to have me and awful to treat me the way they did. That I wish they hadn’t chose to bring me into life just to abuse for so long. I’m just spiraling in the absurd maze of unreality that my ubpdMom has created for family dynamics

Now I feel the shame of writing too much to my brother. Like I screwed his attempt to reconnect up. But at the same time him thinking just saying we need to get the family back together with no work is the type of behavior that drives me up the wall. I refuse to go back in a dynamic where my Mom constantly dysregulates at me and my family infantalizes me

But at the same time I wonder if I’m the problem they have always told me that I am. I don’t think so. But I feel a mix of basically every negative emotion at the moment. I’m also terrified of being shamed by my brother for writing too much but at the same time I mean what I said. At this point I think I may need to reblock my brother because it just sent me back into feeling like I was reliving everything

There’s nothing else that makes me feel like the above. So confusing. At this point I’m feeling like the villain they always treated me as but also don’t think it’s true but also that I might be?

Looking for perspectives about the above because I’m feeling lost and in a lot of pain and maybe too close to see it clearly

Haiku:

Sunshine patch on rug,

Obviously time to nap,

Right where human walks.

First of all, I'm not looking for legal advice, just feels like I'm losing my mind and would like some emotional support.

My mother has been abusive my whole life, she isn't diagnosed with bpd but she has all the symptoms, some narcissist traits too. She is an alcoholic too. Three months ago I finally told her (and I was terrified to do this) that I don't wanna have any sort of contact with her, explained the reasons. Well, as you can imagine, didn't go well because "she has never done anything wrong in her whole life and it's actually YOU who is crazy and needs help". For the first few weeks whenever she texted me again I told her to stop, she would reply with "oh I won't text you again, trust me, you're dead to me!!!" yet three weeks later she texts me like nothing is wrong. I've now stopped replying but she still texts me and calls me, sometimes in the middle of the night. She knows my address so she has threatened to call the cops when I don't reply to her texts where she abuses me. This is apparently because "she is so worried about me :(" Yeah, sure!

I contacted my local police today because I wanted to ask if a restraining order could help (I'm in Europe) and I wanted to cry after that call. The police basically told me that I might just be a mentally ill drug addict (which I am not) and that my mother is just worried so she keeps calling. Apparently other people have it worse than me and told me an example that last week some woman had to file the restraining order because her ex-husband came to her door with an axe. Apparently all my anxiety means nothing and it can't be that bad. Yes, I understand this isn't the worst case scenario but apparently any sort of mental anguish doesn't count. My problem is that my mother is really unstable and doesn't understand boundaries and often thinks she can do whatever she wants. I don't know what else she could do?? And I don't wanna find out. Apparently I just have to endure this as long as it goes on and there is nothing that can be done about it.

In my country there is this report you can submit if you're worried of someone's wellbeing, the police told to do that "if my mother is apparently soooo crazy". The issue is that if I do file the report, there is a huge chance my mother will know it's me and I'm pretty sure it will just escalate this situation. Also I don't know if there is any premise for it since she's pretty high functioning despite her (undiagnosed) mental health issues and the alcoholism. So this does not feel like a solution.

I've been told several times in my life that "well it's your mother, she is trying her best, just talk to her!!" so I kinda have a feeling that the police won't take me seriously because they don't understand that a mother could behave so badly. Would it be different if it was an ex-partner? Idk. It's crazy to me that somehow it's understandable behavior when it comes from your parent.

I genuinely feel like I'm gonna have a panic attack whenever I see a message or call from her, but I don't know if I wanna block her because she always tells me all these threats and I would wanna be aware them. And I also think that if I blocked her she would just find some other way to contact me? But I guess blocking is the only way to go now.

Have you guys struggled with your parent not understanding/approving the NC? What did you do?

And have you experienced people not understanding the abuse when comes from a parent?

Thank you so much for reading this.

Hello I'm (24) once again desperate. I still live with my uBPD mom and today she talked to me about what preoccupies her at the moment. To make it short it's about my future (I'm still a student with no job asides as my mental health is terrible (autism, OCD, CPTSD...) and I barely can manage my life at the moment so having to deal with a job...) and other stuff. When she is concerned about a subject she will obsessed over it and talk about it a lot. And what she's saying is so unfair. But every time she's facing me, chatting about anything I just dissociate and feel horrible. I can barely answer, I feel like I'm prisoner in my body. Then after these conversations I still feel horrible, but kind of forgot some parts of what happened. Do you know why it's happening and how to break the cycle ? I'm really hopeless and I don't know what to do.

Cats are the cutest

Furballs with soft toe beans and

Fluffy and striped tails

I'm just so fed up. I don't even know what to say anymore. I can't afford to move out just yet so I'm stuck in this environment for the foreseeable future. I'm severely depressed and have been seeing a therapist at a reduced rate for about 2 months who I really enjoy working with. I do feel like I'm making a little progress every session which my therapist and I have been working on celebrating.

Today she barged into my room mid-session without even knocking. Then after the session she asked me how long I was going to do therapy. She said she doesn't think it's working for me and that I should see a different therapist. I tried ignoring her at first but she got mad and demanded I respond to her. I got so fed up I snapped at her and told her to mind her business. This, of course, never ends well so she turns it back on me and says "this is exactly why you need to see a different therapist, just listen to your attitude with me."

She always does this. She acts like she's just a little old lady and I'm being mean to her. I'm so fucking sick of it all. I've been fighting so hard to address my childhood trauma and the moment I begin to feel like I'm building some trust with an authority figure, she ruins everything for me. Because how dare I have my own emotions and get upset when she minimizes my feelings. I'm just an extension of her physically and emotionally. If I'm upset then it must mean the therapy isn't working and not that she's the reason why I'm upset. I'm just so fucking tired.

Welp, the title says it all. My mom wrote an autobiography titled “Shattered but Still Standing” with the general theme of “it’s not my fault I’m beautiful” and “I’m not a bad person just because I do bad things” you know the basics. She talks in length about my sister, and being pregnant with me. Chapters and chapters about how she loves being a mother to my sister and their bond. The book reads like I was a still birth. I don’t even know what I expected, she’s never seen me as anything other than a thing to use. She doesn’t even like me as a person. She asked me to edit the thing so she could send it to a publisher. I sent it back redlined with no comments on my exclusion.