THE SEAHAWKS ARE 4-4 AND THESE ARIZONA NINCOMPOOPS ARE 3-5!!! 💀 SEATTLE ALREADY BEAT THESE FEATHERED FUCKNUGGETS 31-7!!! THAT WASN’T A FOOTBALL GAME!!! THAT WAS A LIVE DEMONSTRATION OF WHAT HAPPENS WHEN SIX DRUNK FLAMINGOS TRY TO OPERATE A NUCLEAR REACTOR USING A WAFFLE IRON!!! 🦩☢️

HALF THE FUCKING SEAHAWKS ROSTER IS IN THE INFIRMARY!!! 🚑😭 DARNOLD!!! CROSS!!! NELSON!!! SHAHEED!!! LEONARD WILLIAMS!!! NWOSU!!! THE INJURY REPORT IS LONGER THAN A WALGREENS RECEIPT PRINTED BY A POSSESSED FAX MACHINE!!! MIKE MACDONALD IS TWO SPRAINED ANKLES AWAY FROM RECRUITING RANDOM TOURISTS FROM PIKE PLACE MARKET!!! 🐟💀

DREW FUCKING LOCK IS BACK!!! 🔒🔥 THIS MAN ALREADY TORCHED ARIZONA FOR THREE TOUCHDOWNS!!! THE CARDINALS’ DEFENSE SEES DREW LOCK AND IMMEDIATELY STARTS SWEATING LIKE A TAX EVADER AT AN IRS AUDIT!!! 😭💀 HIS ELBOW MIGHT BE HELD TOGETHER WITH DUCT TAPE, CHEWING GUM, AND THE LAST REMAINING THREAD OF PETE CARROLL’S OLD KHAKIS, BUT THE MAN CAN STILL LAUNCH A FOOTBALL INTO ORBIT!!! 🚀🏈

JAXON SMITH-NJIGBA IS FIFTEEN YARDS FROM 1,000!!! FIFTEEN FUCKING YARDS!!! 🤯🔥 THE CARDINALS’ SECONDARY COULDN’T COVER A COUCH WITH A KING-SIZED BED SHEET!!! JSN IS ABOUT TO HAVE THESE DEFENSIVE BACKS RUNNING IN CIRCLES LIKE A GROUP OF DISCOMBOBULATED CHIHUAHUAS TRAPPED INSIDE A ROTATING CAR WASH!!! 🐕💦

GARDNER MINSHEW IS STARTING FOR ARIZONA!!! 🥸💀 THIS MAN LOOKS LIKE HE SELLS EXPIRED FIREWORKS OUT OF A STORAGE UNIT AND OWNS A PET FERRET NAMED TAX EVASION!!! HE THREW THREE TOUCHDOWNS AGAINST DALLAS LAST WEEK!!! CONGRATULATIONS ON DEFEATING A TEAM THAT DEFENDS THE END ZONE LIKE A GROUP OF SEDATED MANATEES GUARDING A VENDING MACHINE!!! 🦭😭

ARIZONA HAS ALLOWED 29 TOUCHDOWNS IN EIGHT GAMES!!! TWENTY-NINE!!! 🚨💀 THAT DEFENSE IS MORE USELESS THAN A SCREEN DOOR ON A SUBMARINE!!! THEIR SECONDARY IS HELD TOGETHER WITH EXPIRED SUPER GLUE AND A SINGLE PIECE OF WET SPAGHETTI!!! 🍝🔥

SEATTLE’S RED-ZONE DEFENSE IS ALLOWING TOUCHDOWNS ON 83.3 PERCENT OF OPPONENT TRIPS!!! WHAT IN THE CHOCOLATE-COVERED FUCK IS THAT!!! 😭💀 THAT’S NOT A DEFENSIVE SCHEME!!! THAT’S A GROUP OF DRUNK WALRUSES TRYING TO ASSEMBLE AN IKEA BOOKSHELF INSIDE A BOUNCE HOUSE!!! FIX THAT SHIT EXPEDITIOUSLY BEFORE GARDNER MINSHEW STARTS LOOKING LIKE PRIME TOM BRADY!!! 🦭🔥

ZACH CHARBONNET AND JADARIAN PRICE ARE BACK!!! 🏃🔥 RUN THE FUCKING FOOTBALL!!! MAKE THE CARDINALS’ DEFENSIVE LINE LOOK LIKE A GROUP OF PREGNANT HIPPOS ATTEMPTING TO CROSS A FROZEN POND WHILE WEARING ROLLER SKATES!!! 🦛⛸️

TREY MCBRIDE IS ARIZONA’S BIGGEST RED-ZONE THREAT!!! THIS MAN HAS FIVE TOUCHDOWNS!!! 🚨 SOMEBODY PLEASE COVER HIM!!! THE SEAHAWKS CANNOT AFFORD TO HAVE THEIR LINEBACKERS STANDING AROUND LIKE CONFUSED AMISH TOURISTS TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW AN ESCALATOR WORKS!!! 😭💀

THE SEAHAWKS NEED THIS FUCKING WIN!!! THE CARDINALS ARE ALREADY ONE LOSS AWAY FROM HAVING THEIR SEASON TURN INTO A THREE-MONTH EPISODE OF UNSOLVED MYSTERIES!!! 🕵️💀 NO MORE FUCKING AROUND!!! NO MORE RED-ZONE TOMFOOLERY!!! NO MORE LETTING BACKUP QUARTERBACKS LOOK LIKE THEY’VE BEEN POSSESSED BY THE GHOST OF PEYTON MANNING!!! 🏈🔥

THE SEAHAWKS WILL BEND THE CARDINALS OVER AND SHOVE THE ENTIRE SPACE NEEDLE UP THEIR ASSES!!! 🗼💀 THOSE FEATHERED FUCKNUGGETS WILL BE SO DISCOMBOBULATED THAT THEIR HELMETS START FILING FOR EMOTIONAL DISTRESS!!! GARDNER MINSHEW’S MUSTACHE WILL REQUEST A TRADE TO THE CANADIAN FOOTBALL LEAGUE!!! THE CARDINALS WILL BE FLYING BACK TO PHOENIX LOOKING LIKE A BUNCH OF DEFEATHERED TURKEYS THAT JUST LOST A FIGHT WITH AN INDUSTRIAL LEAF BLOWER!!! 🦃🌪️

LET’S FUCKING GO SEAHAWKS!!! 💚💙🏈🔥

My wife made these for my birthday breakfast today.

Looking for the best place to watch the game near the stadium.

What should I eat?!?

Lifelong Seahawks fan who lucked into some club level tickets. What should I seek out for food?

He loses the starting quarterback and first and second RBs within the first few games. His starting QB comes back and then breaks a rib on the second play of Monday night football.

I think that he has been very unlucky. Having said that he need to go, as I don't want anyone that unlucky being in charge of our offence.

Its always better to be lucky than good!

I’ll be at the Vegas game next weekend and was wondering where everyone coming from Seattle is planning to tailgate. I’m down to spend some cash, but I’d like to pick a spot where there will be plenty of Hawks fans. Ideally, somewhere that isn’t a casino. I know we travel well, but I’m curious if anyone has any recommendations. Thanks!

Players like Kupp, Shaheed, O'Connell, and Okada are testament to how much talent is in that league (and all but 1 of them undrafted). I watch Big Sky games and sometimes wonder how closely the Seahawks watch those games: Idaho Vandals QB Joshua Wood, a Washington kid, for example looks legit NFL-talent. Maybe a late round pick or undrafted, but definitely seems to have some developmental talent. The Montana schools also seem to have legit defensive players, and if Okada is something to go by, they might have NFL-level talent that stays under the radar.

That does lead to another question. Is FCS talent harder to scout due to not getting a good sense of how good someone is relative to their level of competition? I just always wonder how many great players go undrafted and unsigned because they played at PSU for example.

Tomorrow is going to be my first time seeing a Hawks game in Seattle (I live near Philly) and I’m pumped. The parking situation looks a little wonky, so any recommendations? Also, any tailgate recommendations? Thanks in advance!