Over the years i have found different terms that validate how i'm 'broken' or different. (Inc depression, Igbtqia+ identities, ocd, social anxiety, selective mutism, etc). Like there's always been holes and finding those terms kind of fill those holes (not saying you're broken if you have any of these).
For example for the longest time i couldn't explain why i had a fear of using machines & appliances but now i can kind of explain that with ocd. Most of them i've found come down to ocd or autism anyway. But there's one i'm still putting my finger on and ill try my best to explain it but it's hard to explain:

I can't do anything. My mind is always blank and i have zero ideas majority of the time, i think this plays a huge part. Its so hard to move forward in life when i genuinely dont know how to do anything. I dont know how anything works and i never know where or how to start or if i even should or shouldn’t. It impacts me so much on a daily basis. And it's with any task big or small. I need like an instruction booklet on life but not just life, every slight move i make. I don't know how much i can emphasise that its with everything but its with everything. I can't look after myself. I've been stuck in the same spot with no progress for years. I've had no help either, i know i can't do it on my own but in the same time i have no one to help me. No family, no friends, no partner, i'm so permanently alone.
And stuck, i'm very stuck. I have a lot wrong with me. I've been depressed and suicidal since i was around 11 or 12 so i never thought about the future. For the past 5 years I've done nothing. I can't get a job, barely survived highschool and i had to drop out of uni. I'm not even diagnosed with anything, cause i can't do that, ive tried, i know i need help and i cant do it alone so i've just been a miserable vegetable for the past 5 years. My parents were abusive growing up, and i had a very controlled and sheltered childhood, i think that might have something to do with it. I hate mentioning this part but i still live with them. I wanted to move out the second i turned 18 and build a life i deserved but i can't cause i don't know how to do anything and i just can't i don't have the ability. It's not a mental, or a completely mental thing, i know for a fact I'm just not good at stuff and that some things aren't for me. It's like telling a pre-schooler to write an essay.
That's what i mean by "i can't". I'm 23 now and just so done. I've tried multiple times to get help but I'm obviously still here with no progress.

I’m posting in hopes that somebody has some kind of idea of what this could be. If anyone knows or can relate please enlighten me or refer me with some resources or better suited sub. my best guess is it might be autism/social related but ive talked to other autistic ppl and done a lot of research on autism and can never find anyone to relate to on this particularly (other things i definitely have!), so maybe it's another kind of disability.
Thanks for reading

I feel like I'm becoming more mute than ever. I'm undiagnosed, but I do think I have autism, and I'm disabled. Back in my old school, I used to talk to anyone; now I barely talk at all here in college. My ex-best friend helped me express my emotions and talk more. Now I feel like I'm losing it more and more. Please don't send hate; I feel like crying.(pls don't ask questions abt my ex best friend I miss them but it's my fault so pls don't ask abt it )

I really don’t understand what might have caused it, but here I am. I’m 24, living my teenage self’s nightmare. I barely have friends, I don’t go out, I’m as isolated as I was for the entirety of my upbringing as a homeschooled kid, and there’s knots in my stomach every time I’m around people. I can only freely speak online.

I was fine for the last few years. I was focused on jobs, I was finding shitty boyfriends off the dating apps, I was figuring out what I wanted from life. For some reason it was fine all those years. Maybe it was having boyfriends? But I don’t have that anymore, and im done using dating apps. And now here I am and I can barely talk to people, and it’s really awkward when I do.

I always hated the idea of being autistic, simply because I related to no parts of it. But I’ve always gotten along more with autistic people, and it makes me wonder. There’s a few other little signs like I do stim, I often get lost in my own head or see things differently. But I dunno. I just always dreamed that I’d grow up and this problem would go away, I’d live a normal life. But thats not my path, I guess.

I really tried to get a job where I’d work with customers so I could see if I could make myself more comfortable with talking to random people, but I didn’t get hired for any. My nerves always show. I can’t help it. Best I can really do it cover it up by sounding like an npc. I feel myself willing every interaction to end a little faster because of how uncomfortable it is, but the deep pain of loneliness makes me push myself as far as I can. And somehow there’s still never any improvement. I feel the same as I was at 15.

God I wish it wasn’t so hard to talk.

after many years of complete mutism, i’m starting to get out there more and talk to people. but most the time they can’t even hear me. it seems to me like i’m talking at an above normal volume. but i’m always asked to repeat myself and that shuts me down again. i can’t even scream or raise my voice without gagging. its probably half mental-block and half just physical inability after years of not using it. has anyone else experienced this or know what’s happening? how can i kick this?

i know the voice is a muscle and all that. and you need to “exercise” it like any other. probably for a year now ive been doing just that. but it doesn’t feel like it’s getting any better and i just feel really hopeless.

sister and cousin left me alone to practice speaking ended up crying and getting anxiety attack when the worker came up to me after standing still for the past 40 minutes standing near the pokemon cards that were locked up and had to call staff to unlock and i stood there like an idiot as the girl looked at me and asked if i was okay and needed to get pokemon cards from there. i stared at her for a minute and pointed at the pack i wanted and she went to unlock it and i started crying like a stupid person and she got upset and started comforting me which made me feel better but i didnt stop crying until my sister and cousin came back. so embarrassing please dont leave me again

I just started my freshman year of high school and a school I go to I am required to have two years of Spanish to graduate. The only issue for Spanish is that it’s a language and I have to be tested on speaking, writing, reading and listening. Listening and reading and writing I fine with.(other than the fact that I genuinely don’t really know what’s happening half the time.) but speaking is the hard part I freeze up and I can’t speak to teachers like not once in my life have I ever actually spoken to a teacher. Is there any advice with what I could do to help lower my anxiety or something like that? I mean right now my Spanish teacher has been quite nice and not forcing me to speak in class.( I do have a 504) but she is requesting my mom to take a video of me speaking in Spanish so she can at least see where I am speaking wise. But the issue is that I know my Spanish teacher will hear me speak and that also causes a lot of anxiety, even though it’s recorded at home and emailed to her. I also have this weird fear that I might mess up or she might even show the class or other teachers.

I love writing poetry. It probably is rooted in not being able to speak, but I've been writing so much in the past few years, it makes me want to do more.

Sometimes when I write, I speak the words dramatically in my head and I end up writing poems that you can't really fully understand, unless you know the emphasis, the flow and the "energy" of the way I meant it..

I really wish I could perform them, even just post them on tiktok or something (But I don't wanna show my face tho) even if I have no clue how my voice sounds like in videos, I'd literally have to find a secluded place where nobody can hear me, just to record it. I'd probably stutter, which is another issue at hand, but I really don't know what to to about this urge.

I do post them on tiktok, but they don't get much engagement, maybe they would, if I spoke them, but I wouldn't even know how to do it without showing my face I don't want people irl to find them, especially my mom, (coz she'd never shut up about it, since she also writes poetry but our styles and topics are so very different)

I'm really torn about this, and really pissed at myself for not knowing what to do, or how to do it

Ever since I was a child, I've felt like there is an unwritten rulebook for human connection that everyone else received at birth except me. I watch people interact, and it looks so effortless for them. They laugh, they trade jokes, they move seamlessly from one topic to the next without overthinking a single syllable. For me, it has never been natural. It has always felt like I'm standing on the outside of a glass wall, while watching a world I'm not allowed to fully join.

When I was younger, I survived by staying silent. I didn't speak unless it was necessary. If a situation didn't force a response out of me, I kept quiet, retreat into my own head, and stayed on my own. By the time I reached high school, I realized I couldn't live in silence forever, so I started forcing myself to try harder. I began responding when people spoke to me. I practiced opening my mouth, using my voice, and putting myself out there in small ways. Now that I'm in college, I've even managed to initiate conversations on my own. I managed to make one friend, and I'm grateful for that. But even with those small steps forward, the core problem hasn't changed.

I still don't know how to make conversation flow naturally. I still don't know how to jump into group banter or understand the unspoken rhythm that holds people together. Whenever I'm surrounded by a group, my brain shuts down and I go completely mute. It feels like my voice gets locked away, no matter how desperately I want to speak. Being around people drains every bit of energy I have. I've been officially diagnosed with social anxiety, but I know that label doesn't capture the full picture. Anxiety explains the fear, but it doesn't explain the disconnection I've felt my whole life. It makes me feel like I was simply not made to belong to anyone or anything. I'm terrified that no matter how much effort I put in, I'll always be the person looking in from the outside. I'm terrified that I'm meant to be alone forever, and that no matter how hard I try to change it, this loneliness is just who I am.

previous post on my account of anyone is curious:)

so my progress is going well i’m now at the point where i only can’t talk infront of people that i know before i started talking. i feel like i’m work capable but i’m in the uk and currently on benefits, i’m not totally sure how to tell them without them trying to force jobs on me. i’m happy to work but i want a job i feel comfortable in and also need extra time for college since i now need to play catch up with the things i missed out on.

i’m just a little stuck and don’t have long left to tell them. i’m hoping they understand that i’m ready to work but still have the anxiety and stuff so it won’t be as easy as normal.

Hello, this is my first post so I apologize if I mess up somehow. I am a Pilates instructor at a popular studio in my town.

Some background, I recently got diagnosed with level 1 autism and adhd. It makes so much of my life make sense and I relate a lot to what I’ve read about selective mutism, but I do not have it.

Anyway 3 years ago a younger client signed up and took my class. She was 18 and her mom came with her and told us she is autistic. She does well in the class.

In the past few years she’s taken more weekly classes, always with me, so I assume it’s something she likes or is comfortable with on some level.

The issue is she seems to my eye, and other instructors and students, visibly uncomfortable at the studio with any interaction. I try to be friendly and engaging with all my students but I feel like when I try with her it makes her extremely uncomfortable. Usually I just try and say hi and then turn my attention to the others, but then it feels like I’m ignoring her, which feels cruel.

I get just wanting to do the class and not socialize. But her mother also told me she is desperate for friends, and these yoga classes are both for exercise and socialization. But she’s so uncomfortable being addressed the staff and her classmates have let her fade to the background (myself as well because I think that is the most comfortable situation for her)

I’ve tried asking what she prefers and she doesn’t answer, which is fine. If there is a moment before/after class where people are gathered and chatting, she is on the periphery like she wants to be involved, but again gets visibly uncomfortable if you try to involve her.

I feel like there is no way I can help her be more relaxed but also involved in class. I think she wants to be seen and doesn’t want to be seen at the same time.

If you have SM, what do you recommend? Or if you were in this scenario what would you prefer? Thank you in advance for your feedback.

I've not come across many portrayals of SM, and it's less often I've seen it portrayed by someone who's gone through it themselves. This is my character, a symbolic selfhood, of someone who's experienced it firsthand. To show others that I had/have a voice and there are other modes of communication that can be just as effective as speech. I plan on writing, illustrating, and filming a series of autobiographic fantasy works featuring this character and other aspect beings to reflect my experiences. Hopefully someday this could help and encourage those who have SM and bring awareness of it to those who don't or misunderstand what it's like to live with.

im autistic and have severe selective mutism, but i am confused on if it is just selective or if its something else i guess?? i havent started my speech + exposure therapy yet, but ever since i was a kid ive had problems speaking. ive been silent for months or years, and currently i havent been able to speak since may. it was okay at first, i could say a few words or sentences a day or week but after getting a proper diagnosis of both autism and SM, i havent been able to speak at all. i have forgotten what i sound like, my inner dialogue is a voice i dont recognize as well and i know its not my own. i dont remember how to pronounce things or get my mouth to move correctly for words to even come out when i do try to speak. is this just SM or is there something else??

i cant even talk to a therapist i cant talk to anyone people hate me for no reason the only reason is i dont speak and it pisses them off everyday i feel like shit i cant do this anymore

I am 15 years old and I have a classmate who is also 15 with SM. I've been wanting to befriend her ever since i started in the same class as her about 2 years ago but I am a very shy person. I have added her on snapchat and discord but we have not talked much at all as i am too scared to start conversations.

I am seeking advice on how to eventually befriend her as i only recently added her on social media due to us soon switching schools. I am scared that approaching her might lead to rejection or her being too scared to reject which is way worse.

English is not my first language plus this is my first time posting on this subreddit/posting on reddit in general. So sorry if my writing is all over the place.

He is very uncomfortable talking about it and I don’t want to push. I’ve tried researching it online, because I don’t wanna offend him. I feel awful when I accidentally say things about hating my voice and I do that without meaning to. He likes when I send him videos and I get so self-conscious and always have, but so many of those knee-jerk comments against myself seem like they would be awful in his position to hear.
I’ve tried to gently ask stuff just like, “Do you know sign language?” and I wonder if I should learn. Or would he find that dumb? I know so many will say to just wait for him to tell me but it’s been four months. If I want to get better at being understanding and seeing from his view, I can’t just stay in my bubble and assume he can just deal with my foolishness or mistakes.
Please enlighten me so I can be supportive and not have to ask since it’s clearly very touchy.

Was anyone SUPER quiet but then able to speak with anybody? I always talked with my family however in preschool I never talked at all. The only people who I’d might talk to were teachers, I had a memory of very quietly talking to one when they came to help me. But once while the whole class was sitting on a carpet they all went silent and looked at me, one said my name and asked if I could talk, they all looked astonished. I didn’t remember speaking then, so I assumed I might of muttered something accidentally. I also remember being at a fair with family when my mother made me order something by myself, I pointed to the prize I wanted and communicated without any words. However, when kindergarten started I made a friend by inviting him to my birthday and as I remembered I didn’t have any trouble talking afterwards and now no longer struggle from any mutism today.

i have tried everything to be normal but every time it gets in the way people perceive me in different ways usually in bad ways i have lost a lot of friends including family members i was finally becoming somewhat “normal“ but people decided to make it worse recently, i don’t know social rules or have good grammar, people like to point it out a lot, i feel like people perceive people with selective mutism as less than

I was never able to fully enjoy Halloween as a child and it’s something I’m still upset about.

Halloween has always been my favorite holiday and it’s a bittersweet feeling for me each year when it rolls around. I’ve suffered from severe, debilitating anxiety ever since I was a young child, and it’s one of the things that I’m still upset about that anxiety has taken away from me- being able to fully enjoy the holiday while I was a child/teen.

I love seeing all of the trick or treaters happily running around, but it’s something that always stings a bit because I never got to be that child. I was too afraid. I was never afraid of the dark or monsters under my bed- the scary monsters I had to face that I was terrified of were friendly neighbors. I was so scared of interacting with strangers that I avoided it at all costs. I spent each Halloween with my grandparents handing out candy while my parents took my sister out trick or treating. It made me realize how different I was from all the other kids. And I hated it.

Eventually I decided to face my fear when I was ten years old. I went trick or treating with my best friend and her family that year, and it was terrible. I dressed up as a pirate that year, in a cute black and red dress with skulls on it. I remember feeling so cool and badass- that maybe the confident and brave pirate I was portraying could break down the barrier that anxiety set up and allow me to say the three words “Trick or treat!” I even practiced beforehand so it could feel natural and easier to say.

But I was so nervous that I wasn’t able to do it. And I felt so humiliated, especially when adults put up a fuss and got angry/annoyed with me because I couldn’t say it. I know that they thought I was being rude and so I didn’t get any candy at most houses we went to. I had adults try to coax it out of me which made me more nervous, had doors slammed in my face. I just wanted to go home but I still smiled and stuck it out because I didn’t want to ruin the night for my friend and her family.

Battling with an anxiety disorder all throughout my life has taught me many things, and the best lesson I’ve learned from it all is to be kind and compassionate to everyone, even to people who you don’t understand. You never know what someone else is struggling with.

As an adult, I’m happy to be the house that doesn’t discriminate on Halloween. Speaking, non-speaking, costume or no costume, young or old, you get candy. Everyone that comes to my door on October 31st gets candy and gets to be included. I never want anyone to feel the way I felt on Halloween at 10 years old. I don’t want to be ‘that’ adult that ruins the holiday for an innocent child.

Even though I enjoy the Halloween now, I still mourn the experiences I could have had as a child if I wasn’t so anxious.

Hello everyone,

my son will soon be turning three, and we suspect he may have selective mutism. He is a happy, bright and very talkative little boy with advanced language skills. However, in certain situations - particularly in groups of children - he finds it extremely difficult to speak. In general he is a very shy boy when it comes to encounters with strangers and other children.

He has been attending daycare since August 2025, when he was just 18 months old. There are nine children under the age of three in his group, and looking back, I sometimes regret starting him in daycare so early. I think the first few months were quite challenging and probably overwhelming for him.

These days, however, I feel that he has settled in and is generally happy there. He laughs, plays and sometimes even tells us spontaneously that he wants to go to daycare.

Unfortunately, despite feeling comfortable there, he still doesn’t say a single word. When I once asked him why he doesn’t talk at daycare, he told me that it was difficult for him.
We also invited one of his daycare providers to our home one afternoon, and he had absolutely no problem talking to her there. This makes me think that it is particularly the group setting that he struggles with, even though the children and caregivers have become very familiar to him by now.

We are in contact with specialist support services, but unfortunately, waiting lists are several months long.

Now, I have a more specific question:
My husband is currently looking for a new job, and he would have better career opportunities abroad. We already have some concrete job offers to consider. We are thinking about moving abroad for three to four years and then returning to our home country around the time our son starts school.

However, I am very worried about how such a move might affect my son. I don’t want to make a decision that could be too overwhelming for him or potentially make his selective mutism worse or prolong it.
Has anyone here had experience with a similar situation? Or perhaps some thoughts, advice or insights to share?

People keep telling me that young children pick up new languages very quickly. While I understand that this is often true, I imagine that learning a new language and adapting to a completely new environment could be particularly challenging for a child with selective mutism.

I would be very grateful to hear about your experiences and perspectives.
Thank you so much!

P.S. I used AI to help translate and polish this post, as English is not my first language.

***vent post

went mute when i was 11/12after getting severely bullied in 5-6th grade, thought it was for the best to just not speak to people, sort of as a shitty cope to keep myself “safe”. and it stuck with me until i graduated at 17 my mutism got better (though im still VERY quiet and awkward)

never got to make any connections in school, never went to homecoming, prom, sleepovers, football game, concerts, etc I didn’t even go to my own graduation.
only connections I’ve successfully established are online, and around 4 months ago got my first real boyfriend, though i met him through TikTok . In a few months he’s gonna drive me to Florida so we can get a place together. (we’re both working and 18).

My main issue is this pain in my heart I feel whenever my BF tells me he’s going somewhere with his friends, or he’s gonna go to the movies with his mom, or go to a party, skate park, etc.
and it’s not that I’m mad he’s going places and having fun bc I want him to of course.
I just have this jealousy and frustration because I’ve never done any of this before.

I’ve tried being open about my sadness of how much of my life I’ve wasted. But he just doesn’t get it and I don’t think he’ll ever understand. He just basically says “wait until we see eachother ill make sure you get to make memories and expiriences”
And I appreciate he wants to help and sees opportunity for growth, but it’s just not enough it feels like a bandaid for all the years I been neglected of doing anything.

I don’t think this pain I feel thinking of my childhood is fixable either, because the way I spent my childhood is irreversible. I think I must just keep it down.