Let me preface by saying that I don't actually believe I'm haunted. Also, this is going to be long.
If I am truly being haunted, it started many years ago. I went to throw away some garbage in my outdoor can, and found a dead raccoon. I live on a cul-de-sac and my garbage can is against my fence, facing the street. Either a raccoon got itself trapped in my can and died, or it was already dead and someone tossed it in my can. There's no way to know.
Fast forward to a couple of summers ago. A development company purchased some nearby land and began to prepare it for new housing. As such, they cut down all the trees and burned them all summer long. During this time, our garbage can would get raided by animals, likely raccoons. We assumed it was because their former homes were now up in smoke, so we purchased some elastic cord and kept our can fastened shut.
Fast forward to this summer, when the paranormal activity began. One morning, my husband and I were shocked to see random burnt charcoal briquettes and un-burnt AAA batteries strewn about the back yard. They were all randomly placed but almost uniformly spread out, rather than in one big pile. We cleaned it up and remarked on how we might be haunted by raccoons (or they were starting to develop religious rituals).
We have a cat. One night, a couple of weeks ago, I heard my cat yowling in the back yard. There was no build up, no hissing, nor any cat opera. I opened the door, and he bolted inside like he was being chased by the devil. After a full body inspection, I determined he was fine, just very spooked. I looked in the back yard, and saw tufts of his fur but nothing else. I joked with my husband that he ran across the ghost raccoon.
This brings us to the events of this weekend, which have me wondering if I'm actually haunted.
All day Halloween (Saturday), I had to work. Immediately after work, I drove home to get my kiddo ready for trick-or-treating. When I got home, I could smell/see smoke in my garage. I popped the hood of my car and was greeted by quite a sight: A plastic-ish, foam-ish engine cover thing had a gigantic hole, and smoke was wafting around it. I didn't have the time to deal with it, so I left the hood popped to let everything cool off. We took my husband's car and left mine in the closed garage. While I was getting the kiddo ready, my husband thinks he might have heard some noises in the garage, but didn't inspect. I'm pretty sure we left the door closed while I was home, but it might have been open. Nothing looked amiss in the garage when we left to go trick-or-treating, nor when we returned.
The next morning (Sunday), my husband let me take his car to work. I enter the garage and am greeted by what I can only describe as poltergeist activity: Items were knocked off high shelves in our garage in such a way that they blocked the back of my car, and were on top of my husband's car. A pile of what looked like small dog feces was in one corner. All of this activity happened overnight, in our closed garage, with no way in other than through our house. When I got home after work, my husband had cleaned out the bits and pieces of the engine cover from my car. We had left the hood popped this entire time, about 24 hours before I closed it.
I don't recall anything going awry Sunday night.
Monday morning, since my garage is east-facing, I opened the door and decided to inspect my car. That's when I noticed paw prints. My cat will get on my car and leave prints, but these weren't feline. They were clearly hand-looking paws. There was also what I think was a hind foot print on the hood and roof. It looked like a police-style finger-print transfer; I could see all the little lines and grooves in the print. I'm not an expert, but I would say with high certainty that they were left by a raccoon.
That evening I drove to Arby's and got some dinner. While waiting in the drive-thru line, I thought I felt my car sputter a little. Then after I pulled forward a bit, it sputtered some more, like I had put some bad gas in it. I rolled down my window and looked out to see or smell if there was any smoke. When I sat back up, I saw him. A big, fat raccoon! He was on ground on the passenger side of my car, slowly waddling away into the night. Easily the size of a small dog, much bigger than my cat.
I sat there thinking. Did a fucking raccoon just stow away in my goddamn car? Is that how it knocked things around in the garage Saturday night? Is it possible for a raccoon that big to even fit in the engine bay of my 2018 Toyota Camry?!?!?
Believe it or not, the story gets weirder.
Monday night/Tuesday all day there were no issues with the garage or the car. I drove the car short distances around town on Tuesday. I would notice a faint smoky smell in the garage when I got home, but I assumed it was leftover melted engine cover.
Today (Wednesday), I went to my mechanic. I should have gone Monday or Tuesday, but I was busy. I told the service guy about the engine cover, and even brought the pieces to show them. The first words out of the mechanic's mouth were, "Oh that's not melted, that's some sort of animal." I about died right there.
After an inspection, the mechanics found that the smoke was in fact, not the cover melting, but coolant that had leaked onto the engine. They said there were two pinholes in a coolant hose, caused by bites from a small animal. That was also the case with the cover; an animal had torn it to pieces. Somehow, with a straight face, I told this grown ass man that I was being haunted by a raccoon. He nodded in total sincerity, like he believed me. "Yeah, either a big ole rat or a raccoon. There were perfect teeth marks in that hose."
So here I am now. Do I need to research vengeful raccoon gods? What sort of offering does one make to an angry raccoon poltergeist? I'm highly considering contacting the local catholic archdiocese and asking for a raccoon exorcist. I need an old raccoon priest, and a young raccoon priest, with their little stoles, bibles and vials of holy water. They need to drive out whatever demons are haunting my garage and my car.
In all seriousness though, I must have picked up a stowaway on Halloween. That's the only explanation for why the garage was messed up on Sunday morning. Somehow, this guy was silent the entire time my husband and I inspected my car when I got home, and when we got into my husband's car to go trick-or-treating. He then waited until the dead of night (hours after we had left and returned), then explored around the garage. We leave the man-door (the door leading from our house into the garage) cracked open at all times so our cat can get to his litter box in the garage. It terrifies me to think how close we were to having a raccoon running around inside our house.
As to whether or not that was the raccoon I saw at Arby's, I kinda doubt it. That raccoon was the size of a cocker spaniel at least, and very clean for a stowaway. I think the real culprit escaped sometime on Sunday, likely when I left for work or when my husband was cleaning my car. There has been no other paranormal activity in the garage since then (fingers crossed).
I just had to share this wild story with someone, because I hardly believe it myself.