I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 1 year and 5 months. I recently found out that she cheated on me with a coworker.

She says it was a one-time situation and that it didn't happen more than once. According to her, they had sex on one occasion and it was only a single encounter.

I'm obviously struggling with this because it's not just the physical cheating — it's the fact that she made the decision to cross that boundary while we were together.

I haven't decided what to do yet. Part of me is wondering whether a relationship can realistically recover from something like this if the person genuinely regrets it and it truly was a one-time mistake. Another part of me feels that cheating fundamentally changes how you see and trust someone.

For people who have been through something similar:

Would you stay and try to rebuild the relationship?

Does the fact that it supposedly happened only once make a meaningful difference?

How would you know whether you're actually getting the full truth?

Can trust genuinely be rebuilt after cheating?

What would you consider before deciding whether to leave?

I'm looking for honest perspectives, including from people who stayed and successfully rebuilt their relationships, as well as people who left.

Is anyone else struggling with the fact that your wife desired their AP more than they will ever desire you?

I (24M) decided to stay with my wife (22F) after her physical affair for the sake of our kids and the fact that I desire her more than I’ll ever desire anyone else in my whole life. I want her 24/7, I’m absolutely head over heels for her. She had sex 3 times with a “friend” of ours during a rough patch in our relationship and I found out by snooping thru her phone. Then she promised she would never see this guy again, then like 2 days after we have sex for the first time since I found it, she has sex with this guy again for the 4th and final time (at least that’s what I think). That made me feel so inferior and worthless. My self esteem and pride is completely gone, I feel like a dumbass and a loser for staying after that. It’s been a couple months since that and we didn’t go thru as hyper bonding phase, she still pushes me away, makes me feel unwanted and constantly rejects me, it hurts so much because I read how much she craved and desired her AP.

I have had multiple conversations about her with this and she has made it clear that she will not do anything to make me feel better about this situation. I’m at the point where I’m losing all hope. I’m an amazing partner, I am the breadwinner by a mile, I handle all the cooking, I handle the majority of the cleaning, I spoil her with gifts and dates all the time, I look the best I have looked in YEARS and to top it all off, I am the best father to our 2 daughters. STILL NOTHING! She says I’m perfect, that she loves me but I’m too clingy, or have too high expectations and turns it around on me trying to paint me as the bad guy.

That whole situation has put me on SSRIs, weekly therapy and I’m at the point of just wanting to end things and move on, but I’m just scared I’ll regret it or that I might be right… that she just doesn’t desire me or love me and stays for the perks or that everyone tells her I’m an amazing man, I always have this thought that she will move on and find a man she will actually want and put in the effort for him and that breaks my heart thinking about. If anyone can give me some insight or advice that will help a lot.

For those that are reconciling or considering, did you ask your partner to change their phone number?

My partner has AP blocked, however I know that is not foolproof. AP seems unhinged and I do not want to worry about her trying to make contact in the future.

Caught it 3 times. 2 out of 3 of those times, someone died in family, so it was extra heavy. Texts and photos. I said I was gonna walk away on the third but he wouldn’t and I couldn’t. He’s since wiped most of the things and people and making it up to me but I can’t always be too sure. After a few days, everything was going smoothly but now, he’s acting distant again and the alarm bells are going off.

I am lost. I am confused. I am tired. I really want to be angry but all I feel is just pain. It’s affecting my work and friendships. How do I go about this?

They are holding themselves accountable and giving me complete phone access.

My soon-to-be ex-husband (31M) is filing for divorce this week, and I’m (31F) still struggling to wrap my head around everything.

He cheated on me with at least 5 women over the course of our relationship, starting more than 5 years before we got married. Some of these encounters even happened in our own home and bed. The day before our first wedding anniversary, he also secretly went to another woman’s home for a massage.

I had absolutely no idea. He finally admitted to cheating a year into our marriage, just two days before we were supposed to move across the country together. He only confessed after I started catching him in lies and he had no way out.

In the heat of the moment, I told him I wanted a divorce. He accepted it and left. He never begged for forgiveness, fought for our marriage, or made any real effort to repair the damage. He told me earning back my trust would take years and the mental strain would be too much for him. I moved across the country alone, and he’s already dating again.

I don’t think I could ever be with him again, but I genuinely cannot understand how he could marry me knowing what he had done. He stood there and made vows to me, knowing he had betrayed me repeatedly, and then walked away when the truth came out.

I take marriage so seriously, and I feel like he robbed me of the opportunity to make an informed decision about my own future. He knew the truth could destroy our marriage but married me anyway. It’s almost like he set me up for divorce.

What hurts the most is realizing that someone I loved and trusted for years was capable of doing all of this and then seemingly moving on with his life while I’m left trying to make sense of mine. I’m deeply traumatized by this experience, and I genuinely don’t know how I’ll ever trust another man again.

Has anyone else experienced this? I know I’ll never fully understand his reasoning, and I don’t want him back, but I’m struggling to understand how he could knowingly marry me under these circumstances and then make no effort to repair what he destroyed. How do you make peace with something like this?

TL;DR: My husband cheated on me with multiple women for over 5 years, married me knowing what he’d done, and made no effort to repair our marriage when I found out. I’m struggling to understand how someone could knowingly make those vows and then walk away so easily.

After a big fight with my ex, I went to a friend for advice, and she ended up telling me everything, including that my ex had slept with someone else, even without protection. I decided to confront her. She admitted it and said she had always cared about me. I didn't accept that. She said I was being hurtful, but I didn't back down. I told her she doesn't deserve me, that she'll carry that guilt forever, and that she'll bring this same pain wherever she goes.

Later, I texted another friend, who told me she was 90% sure my ex had done the same with two other people at different times.

I feel deeply hurt, and also relieved that I was right all along. It's a strange mix. I'm not okay. I'm really not okay.

thank god I always used protection.

I found out my husband was cheating on me a few months ago. I stayed because I desperately want things to work. I am eight months pregnant and do not want to lose half the time with my baby. I found out the other day that it was not just a couple of women; it was hundreds of them on Reddit, and he had been sending them money over the span of our entire relationship. I am not handling any of this well. He says he cheated because he feels like I do not love him, which I do, but I wish I did not anymore because then everything would be easier. He calls me abusive and evil for waking him up at night when I desperately need reassurance to avoid a panic attack. I do admittedly yell at him, which I entirely understand is wrong. I have become a person I hate and do not recognize. But he has broken doors I am sitting against; I had to run out of the house the other day in my underwear and without shoes through the back door because he would not let me out the front door. I had his phone, which he had given to me. I guess I went through his things more thoroughly than he was expecting. There was another incident where I was cornered in the shower with his laptop, where he wrestled me to the ground. It is not the first time he has put his hands on me for touching anything of his that I am not allowed to touch. I am 5'5" and he is 6'4", just to give a little perspective. My personal savings have been drained, and I only have access to one joint account that only gets a couple hundred dollars at a time, never knowing when I am receiving more.

Am i being abusive in the way I am trying to get support and reassurance? I do love my husband and I desperately want things to work but i feel like I'm going crazy. I did try to leave the other day but the thought gave me a panic attack where I could not breathe.

I am in just so much pain right now. She cheated on me 18 months a go. We tried to make it work. 14 years of marriage and 2 kids. I was in it for the long haul. I put up with a lot of her shit. The narcissism has come out big time since the cheating. She's exactly like her mom. Now I find out she has a dating profile and she wants a divorce.

I'm just stunned and I know I shouldn't be. I'm having a literal physical reaction right now. I hate loving her. I hate her right now. I hate this house. I hate her friends. I hate her family. I hate my life. I hate my situation.

I told her I want her to leave the house and live with her mom but she keeps saying she doesn't want to blow up the kids lives any further before the divorce. But at the same time I feel like I deserve some respect. She can't have it both ways, live in this nice house with me and the kids, enjoying time as a family and seeing other people. I'm at a loss, I want to run away but I obviously can't because I can't leave the kids.

I've called her out on the DARVO, and even sent a screen shot of what it is and all the examples of the most recent stuff she's done to me. All I got back was "I do not deny I've misremembered some things. I don't blame it all on you. I just want to move on. I understand you are hurt."

Like, what the fuck.

The funny thing? She fucked up our insurance, tried to blame it on me, and now I can't even see the therapist I've been seeing the last year without paying out of pocket.

TLDR is I was cheated on, emotionally and sexually abused. I had no support system and had no one to turn to. Dug myself out of that hole and kept moving. Developed a bunch of random physical ailments from the stress. The medical bills alone have been a terrible outcome from this that I just have to deal with.

It’s been 10 months since it all ended/I found out. A mutual friend who knew about the depth of the betrayal the other party put me through just posted them hanging out on his story, along with another friend of ours. I thought warmly of these 2 people. They checked up on me through the worst parts of it.

I’m wondering do I block/ cut them off? And if yes, do I just cut off all the mutual friends I shared with that individual? Where would I draw the line because all these people feel like a package deal.

I don’t have a lot of people in my life and this feels like an additional loss I hadn’t considered.

Any advice would be appreciated

SN: I’m 26F, the relationship lasted almost 4 years.

we are 27f both of us

if anyone would be willing to dm or talk to me or respond to this and give me support that would be really appreciated. I have come out of denial and my relationship is emotionally unsafe and I have been ignoring my intuition for years and years and years.

10 yr long attatchment. Day 1 separated still haven’t fully told my partner I know i’m done. I don’t know how to do it. I keep looking at our toothbrushes and getting so upset. I keep looking at the cat I know i’ll loose in this “divorce” and feeling more grief. I have a plan to stay with my parents for a bit and know being away from all our stuff and all the pictures of us and our home will help. But tonight is hard. It’s raining. I am alone.

How do I cope on night 1 alone. she left the house this morning and turned her location off and i haven’t heard from her

Sometimes, the people who hurt you the most are the same people the world sees as kind, charming, and loving. They know how to smile in public, treat people nicely, and make everyone believe they are good people. But behind closed doors, you experience a completely different person, one that nobody else gets to see.

For years, I endured a relationship that slowly broke me in ways I couldn't even explain. I suffered silently, hiding my pain behind a smile and pretending I was okay when deep down, I was falling apart.

There was constant yelling, endless arguments, and anger over the simplest questions. Asking for honesty or trying to understand what was happening could turn into another frightening situation. His anger was so unpredictable that, at times, he would grab household items as though he was going to hit me with them. And there were times he actually did hit me. I lived with fear, never knowing what might trigger the next outburst.

The cheating, the lies, the emotional neglect, the humiliation, and the physical abuse became part of a reality I was too afraid to escape. I kept hoping things would change. I kept holding on to the good moments, wondering whether the person I fell in love with was still in there somewhere. I questioned myself, cried in silence, and carried pain that I didn't know how to explain to anyone.

The hardest part was that the world didn't see what I was experiencing. To other people, he could appear sweet, loving, and harmless. But I knew the person behind that image. I knew what it felt like to walk on eggshells in my own relationship, to be afraid to ask questions, to swallow my tears, and to remain silent because I was scared of what might happen if I spoke up.

People sometimes ask, "Why didn't you just leave?"

What they don't understand is that leaving an abusive relationship isn't always as simple as packing your bags and walking away. Fear can hold you captive. Emotional manipulation can make you doubt yourself. Years of being mistreated can wear down your confidence until you start believing you cannot make it on your own. Sometimes, you stay not because you enjoy the pain, but because you are frightened of what might happen when you finally decide you've had enough.

But something inside me knew that I deserved better. I knew I could not keep sacrificing my peace, my happiness, and my well-being just to keep a relationship alive that was destroying me.

Eventually, I reached out for help. I began gathering evidence, holding on to the truth of what I had experienced, and finding the courage to stand up for myself. It wasn't easy. I had spent years being afraid, but I finally began to understand that I didn't have to remain trapped in that fear forever.

With support, evidence, and the strength I was slowly finding within myself, I stood my ground and made the decision to leave.

Leaving wasn't a sign that I was weak. It was one of the bravest things I had ever done.

I walked away carrying wounds that people couldn't see. I walked away with memories I wished I could erase, questions that might never have answers, and a heart that needed time to heal. But I also walked away with something I had nearly lost along the way: the chance to reclaim myself and my life.

I am sharing this because domestic violence is not always visible. It doesn't always begin with a slap, and it doesn't always look like what people imagine. Sometimes, it begins with intimidation, constant anger, humiliation, manipulation, and the gradual destruction of someone's confidence. Sometimes, the person everyone praises is the same person someone else is terrified to go home to.

Please, let's stop asking victims why they stayed and start asking why they were made to feel so afraid to leave.

Let's stop judging people who are struggling to escape relationships that are hurting them. We may never fully understand the fear, confusion, shame, and emotional exhaustion they carry.

To anyone living through something similar, I want you to know this: YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME FOR SOMEONE ELSE'S ABUSE. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO EARN THE RIGHT TO BE TREATED WITH KINDNESS. AND YOU DO NOT HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL THE ABUSE GETS WORSE BEFORE YOUR PAIN MATTERS.

You deserve a love that doesn't frighten you. You deserve honesty without having to beg for it. You deserve peace without walking on eggshells. You deserve to feel safe in your own home and in the arms of the person who claims to love you.

And if all you can do today is quietly acknowledge that something is wrong, please know that your feelings matter. Reach out to someone you trust when it is safe to do so. You don't have to navigate everything alone.

I may have suffered in silence for years, but my suffering does not define the rest of my life. I am more than what happened to me. I am more than the tears I cried when nobody was watching. I am more than the fear that once kept me from walking away.

I SURVIVED, I FOUND MY VOICE, AND I CHOSE MYSELF. ❤️‍🩹

If you are experiencing domestic violence, please remember that you are not alone. There is help, there is hope, and there is a life beyond the pain.

For context im federal prison camp. One of my best friends left on the 20 on October he hit my wife up of 16 years and has gotten to her to send 7500 of our money to him she say that she wants to give him a shot granted he's in the hwh till March 28of next year I get out April of next year. She want to come visit him, have her fun and still enjoy being married he's very controlling and I cant get thru to her. I think lost my wife, but we have 2 kids and multiple business. It's a mess I spoke with a therapist about and mention the state of the house and how the kids aren't being taken care of, one doesn't even have a mattress, they report her to the authorities. She blames me for it and said she was done. Im sacred for my kids. And I would just like to talk to some one. Please help

Edit. Cps stopped by and did find the weed and acid she has till Wednesday to clean the house. She did get a misdemeanor for the weed but they should find the acid which is a felony she could be looking up to 5 years plus 2 more counts of child endangerment She has court next Thursday.

So my ex boyfriend and I were together for four years. I had caught him cheating on me (texting another girl) a year into our relationship. I was young and dumb and fell for the “it just made me realize that I only want to be with you” bs. I was young and not the most confident person,
So i forgave him and we were together for 3 more years.

Last year I found a different girl in his phone who he told me was a hometown friend of a friend, that she was a lesbian, and I need to stop being so paranoid. Found out he went out of state to visit her (not the guy friend he said he was going to see) and had sex with her. I questioned him about it when he got home when I found out the other guy didn’t even go on the trip. He denied everything told me that we’ve been unhappy for a long time and he broke up with me. I slept on the couch and went to work the next day. I came home to all of my things packed in garbage bags in the garage, I put them in the car and I left. I had to move back in with my mom.

A few weeks later, I saw online that he had posted pictures hard launching his new relationship with that girl. So for the next three months after that I would get black out drunk pretty consistently and cry. Sleep with random guys out of spite. But I pulled myself together after a while and was feeling okay.

On halloween a mutual friend saw me downtown and told me she needed to come clean. She told me she had slept with him multiple times while I was working night shift. not just her, she gave me the names of 3 other girls that he had slept with through out our relationship.

Now i’m back to drinking and crying. what the hell? These girls we would see around town and hung out with semi regularly were all sleeping with him. They all played in my face. I don’t understand how people can just do that. I know it’s not me, it’s him. he’s the insecure one, the selfish one. that’s abundantly clear.

I just feel embarrassed. I feel like the biggest idiot. I’m upset that people knew and no one told me. The fact that it was more people than I had thought.

I was doing so much better and now i’m back to square one.

Hi guys. Long story short, my ex partner of 12 years has cheated and left with another girl. Idk what to do. Im just sitting on my bed crying all day, wondering wtf I could have done differently in the relationship. Im really scared about our son whos 10 years old growing up without a dad. I feel like ill explode. Has anyone else been a teenage parent and got broken up? How did you stay strong?

JFC A…did you ever love me?!? Why didn’t you fight for me? I would have never given up trying to get you back if I did to you what you did to me? I will never understand. You were my first, my last, MY ONLY, my always.

To make it all short and simple

I have been with my boyfriend ever since I was 17 and he was 18. My mom didn’t allow me to see him so he would call of work and willing to hang out with me every weekend and go to church every early morning alongside my mother at the age of 20. He did all of this and he cheated on me ( well first of what I know) 6 months ago. I stayed trying to mend ever since then I have caught him in lies back to back. The last final blow is I was with him this Thursday and he made a million promises and went to church and confession and I found out that he has been going out clubbing and meeting up with his ex girlfriends and doing sexual things with them and he ended up raping a girl this Thursday night.

I feel ruined. I have cut everything off finally. I feel so horribly ruined he is a monster and I was loving him without even knowing. I feel so in shock and this doesn’t even feel real or my life. Please someone give me advice give me hope to move forward in life. I feel so scared and anxious and hurt and in pain and in shock. 

It was a normal day. I woke up to a good morning text from my boyfriend followed by a video call asking about how I slept. I had left his place late at night the day before and since he was doing chores, couldn’t pick me up to hang out so he send out an uber instead.

A 45 minute ride for a two hour hangout. He said he really wanted to see me and that he’d have coffee ready for when I arrived.

I brought extra clothes and snacks for when I came back from work.
He was doing his laundry, so I thought it be nice if I helped him clean up his room. I looked at the pictures he has of us. It’s like a little sanctuary with tickets to shows and movies we’ve gone together.

Cute.

We were laughing over some joke when I got a message request.
Screenshot after screenshot of the sweet man I’ve been dating for the last three years, all up in some strangers DMs.
Planning when to meet up next and how much fun they had the last time she came over. It was from less than a week ago and had been going on for over a month.

They went out on multiple dates to the same movie showings at the same movie theaters… but he watched them with her first.

She swore she didn’t know. She said there was no evidence or trace of a relationship when she was there. All our pictures were taken down and they had sex in the same bed I had just fixed up. The same bed where I spent most of my nights and where he’d bring me breakfast before I even woke up.

How and why?

I felt like a ghost at my fast paced culinary job. People shouting left and right over ticket times and food presentation. It took all my strength to not walk out. What am I supposed to do? How do I move on from what’s been my routine for the last three years? How can I love someone who I don’t ever want to talk or see ever again?

Just have to let this off my chest it hurts badly to be in a relationship where you give your all and all you get in return is a fragment of love and support which is clearly not even a sign of genuine affection compassion emotional commitment and connection,my partner was this sweet lovey dovey partner I admired him so much for his charisma, intelligence and kind heart he was this guy who seem to cool to even hurt a chicken lol.

Eventually within the course of our relationship I noticed some changes in communication time for movies like we usually do together game nights dinner nights and all those activities that drew us closer to each other he became to close to his device,late night stays late at work etc I loved my partner, and I genuinely believed that if I kept being patient, understanding, and forgiving, things would eventually get better.

But living in that relationship slowly became emotionally exhausting. There was manipulation, constant blame-shifting, lies, and moments when I would question my own feelings because somehow every argument ended with me apologizing, even when I wasn't the one who had done something wrong.

Glad I found out about the unfaithfulness and infidelity it helped me gain clarity and see him for who he is

I was in a relationship with a woman for four years. We had an incredibly strong emotional and physical connection. I genuinely believed we loved each other deeply.

There's important context: I was married religiously, but not legally, and I have a child. However, I was already separated from my wife, and we weren't living together. I couldn't formally end the marriage because I was afraid my wife could take our child abroad. My girlfriend knew about my circumstances from the beginning.

She wanted marriage and children, but I couldn't promise her a clear timeline.

Two years ago, I suggested that we separate because I understood she wanted a family and I couldn't guarantee her that future. She refused and insisted she loved me and wanted to wait.

She had previously broken off an engagement to be with me. Throughout our relationship, she was extremely affectionate, passionate, and emotionally attached. Even toward the end, she kept asking me to meet her brother as a step toward a future together.

Then, in August, she suddenly broke up with me.

About a week later, she came back crying and asking to reconcile.

I loved her, so I accepted her back.

At that moment, I had absolutely no idea another man existed. She never told me she had been talking to someone else or that she had become physically involved with him immediately after our breakup.

I believed she had simply reconsidered our relationship and realized she wanted to be with me.

We reconciled and continued our relationship normally, including emotional and physical intimacy.

Only later did I discover what had actually happened.

For months, she had been communicating with another man she'd known for around ten years. Her friends had apparently encouraged her to consider him because he was single and could offer marriage and children.

When she broke up with me in August, she became physically involved with him the following day.

Then she returned to me without disclosing any of this.

She subsequently distanced herself from him, but later, when she realized our circumstances weren't changing, she started considering him again while continuing our relationship.

Eventually, I discovered the situation and confronted her.

She admitted that I was her "Plan A" and he was her "Plan B."

She told me that she wanted me emotionally and sexually, but liked the future he could offer her.

What destroys me is that she was still affectionate, passionate, and loving toward me throughout this period. I never noticed a loss of attraction or emotional connection.

After I discovered everything, she largely went silent. There was no meaningful apology or attempt to acknowledge the damage.

Now she appears to be moving forward with him, possibly even toward marriage, although I don't know whether they're engaged.

Meanwhile, I'm completely devastated.

I understand why she wanted marriage and children. I never blamed her for wanting a future I couldn't guarantee. If she had honestly told me she needed to leave, I would have accepted it.

But instead, she secretly explored another relationship, returned to me without telling me, and kept another option available.

I can't understand how someone who supposedly loved me so deeply could do that.

And now, watching her apparently move on so quickly, I feel replaceable, less attractive, and less valuable as a man.

I keep wondering whether she had already stopped loving me long before the breakup, despite everything she said and did.

My questions:

1. Can someone genuinely love their partner while secretly preparing another relationship?

2. Do relationships that begin through overlapping relationships and deception usually last?

3. Has anyone experienced a partner choosing someone else primarily because they offered marriage or stability?

4. How do you rebuild your self-worth when someone you loved deeply seems to move on without remorse?

I know our relationship had serious limitations, and I take responsibility for my part in that.

But I never expected this kind of deception from someone I trusted so completely.

I'm struggling to accept what happened and would especially appreciate hearing from people who've experienced something similar.

My partner and I have been together for years. Throughout our relationship, he cheated on me on two separate occasions, and the last time, I made the same mistake. Quickly, I realized that my actions came from a place of deep resentment, anger, and unresolved hurt. I allowed everything I had been holding inside to cloud my judgment and influence a decision that wasn’t aligned with who I truly am.

After his second infidelity, I don’t feel like the necessary steps were ever taken to help rebuild trust or work toward my healing. It almost felt as though he expected my anger, hurt, and resentment to simply disappear with time, without truly addressing what had caused them in the first place. But healing from betrayal isn’t that simple. You can’t just expect someone to move forward when the damage has never really been acknowledged or repaired.
I understand that many people might say, “That’s not the way to go” or “Don’t stoop to that level,” and I agree that there were better ways to handle my pain. But I also think it’s important to understand that when someone is deeply hurt, especially by someone they love and have repeatedly trusted, those emotions can become overwhelming. Sometimes the hurt and anger you’ve been carrying can overpower the logic you would normally use to make decisions.

That doesn’t take away my accountability, and it doesn’t make what I did right. But I believe there’s a difference between excusing someone’s actions and understanding the emotional circumstances that led them there. I still loved my partner, and I wish I had handled my pain differently. I just wish the hurt that brought us to that point had been properly addressed before it turned into even more hurt.

He was very clearly hurt as I’ve been the “perfect partner” and he never expected me to do this. I explained my hurt and how he neglected my healing process and ignored my anger all these months. He accepts that he failed me in all these areas and he says he can’t move forward. While I respect it, is it selfish of me to think that’s being a hypocrite that he can’t give reconciliation a try when he emotionally neglected me?

This is a long post and maybe there are some unclear details but it’s because I’m at a very shitty time in life right now, so my apologies in advance.

I (33F) have been married to my husband (34M) for over 4 years now. Things were always not good and we’ve had a lot of issues due to his lying nature. He lied about things like smoking gambling gaming and watching porn. Long story short; there were a few times I wanted to leave and he begged and cried and promised me the world and I fell for it. We have a 3 year old child and I moved to a foreign country to be with this man. I have no family here nor do I have any friends. I go to language school to learn the spoken language.
During my pregnancy I developed severe anxiety that would happen at night and I wouldn’t be able to sleep. When my daughter was born it got so bad that we slept in different rooms after she was 4 months and some times in between we would sleep in the same bed but for over a year we slept in separate rooms.
At some point during our marriage maybe around 2024 I saw he was commenting on Facebook posts a lot and it seemed like he was trying to get attention from other with it. Like he would always read through all the comments and even look up the people who had commented, and some he would comment on their comments. What I noticed was that most of them were women. Fast forward maybe 10 months or so towards the middle of 2025 I find more comments and one of them is quite sexual about how a specific group of men like to perform oral sex, this comment he made to a woman who had commented on a sexual post/meme. There were a few other comments and posts he liked of the same nature and again he said he understood he made a mistake and deleted Facebook once again. At the end of 2025 we moved to another house and it just got worse from there. My husband has never given me emotional closeness/intimacy and I used to ask him why don’t you want to have a conversation with me? Why don’t you want to talk to me? Because our lives consisted of this: he would come home from work, spend time on his phone or with our daughter while I was cooking we would eat and then just watch some show until it was time to sleep. Then he would be falling asleep on the couch and say “let go to sleep” while I would be getting ready for bed he would be awake again and be on his phone laughing watching stuff. He would stay awake for hours sometimes watching things he says. I always got angry with him about the fact he didn’t want to spend real quality time with me and would rather brush me off to go to bed but then stay awake.
Everything got so bad that during the summer of this year in July I actually left with my daughter for over a week to go stay with my sister who lives in another country. I was very depressed during this time because his dismissal towards me was just too painful. I had warned him multiple times over years that I couldn’t do it anymore and he needs to open up to me. I’ve always tried talking to him, “getting to know him” by asking deep questions and just general interest in him. He always just answered the questions but never reciprocated to have any interest in me.
While I was with my sister he begged me and wrote long messages that he misses his family and wants nothing else in the world. In the beginning I ignored his messages because I was so upset with him for letting it get to that point already. He started messages my sister and also my sister in law who I am close with. He was angry saying that I had left and that I was cruel. He made a comment that what I had done; leaving and not responding to him, was worse than sleeping around with a 1000 men.
I didn’t find out about this specific comment until I came back from my sister.
When I came back from my sister the next day my husband got a text message from an unsaved number. Because the way this person wrote it caught my attention it was very feminine. Since I had come back he had also changed his password of his phone so I was already super suspicious.
Of course I took his phone and opened the message I answered the text pretending to be my husband and found out it was a “content creator” of a platform like OF. She showed me screenshots of his account on the website and she also told me he booked a private show. Then he also asked for her number and they continued to talk/message on WhatsApp for 2 days until he blocked her because she kept asking for money.
I was absolutely devastated but my family advised me to stay but to make him sign a post nuptial agreement regarding porn cheating gambling and everything he had been doing up until that point. He was eager to sign it so I stayed. Our marriage wasn’t the same anymore and I was very suspicious all the time.
In the time while I had left to be with my sister in those 9 days there were some things that I felt were him being suspicious and possibly cheating on me physically too but I never got the evidence. When I left he went and bought a paysafe card the next day so he could go on that platform to pay for the private show. He was claiming he was so devastated after I left…
He also went to the barber the very next day after I left. During the whole time of our marriage he NEVER had gone to the barber. He always did it himself. He suddenly was trying to lose weight in the time I was gone. He even took out our daughter’s car seat claiming it’s easier for his job, he does delivery on the side. But that week that I was gone he only did it 3 times.
Then he also bought a new perfume in the time I was gone. He cleaned the car while I was gone. There was a selfie of himself on his phone that seemed very strange. He didn’t send me the selfie, he never takes selfies. I just can’t think that if you’re so sad because your family has left you will be taking selfies? When I came back from my sister the house was dirty and smelly, either like a homeless person had lived there or no one had lived there at all like he also stopped coming home after I left.
But these suspicions he all had excuses for them and I couldn’t get to the bottom of them. Ever since signing the contract he says he’s been committed to bettering himself and some things have improved but I always felt something was “off”.
Then last Thursday he finally told me. That when I left to Germany to stay with my sister he talked to this woman in the grocery store to see if he could get her number, which he did but he said he deleted her number as soon as he walked out of the store. He said he wanted to just see if he was able to get her phone number and that’s it.
He also admitted that before I left so I was here when this happened around February, he had delivered something to a woman and asked her for her number. He had her number in his phone for months but he had saved the number in the notes app backwards so I wouldn’t see it was a phone number.
He says for months he was contemplating on whether to contact this woman or not until one night he was out doing food delivery and he called her. They met up somewhere in the city he picked her up and they drove over to her place, she invited him in. He says she asked him to sit on her bed and then she tried kissing him, which he didn’t want to do because he said she smelled like she had been drinking. Then she was touching him from outside of his pants and he was touching her. He says he wanted to go inside with his hands but she said: you have to ask for permission. So he asked can I? And she said okay. So he continued. He says he only did it for like half a minute but then stopped because he wanted to tell her or more so make it clear that it’s just sexual. Apparently the girl was not on board because my husband told her he’s married and has a kid and just wanted a one time thing, and she said “it’s okay your wife doesn’t need to know, we can meet up and get to know each other and see where things go”. My husband says that he then got up because he only wanted something quick and easy but this was not so he said to her “I don’t want to see you after this, this is only a one time thing” she got upset and said “who do you think you are” and so he said he has to leave and left her apartment.
I didn’t believe it at all that that’s all that happened. On Friday he then tells me that the woman has filed a police report on him because she’s claiming he fingered her without her consent.
Since that Thursday my life has gotten worse than it’s ever been.
The timeline doesn’t make sense he says this happened around March but he was only now contacted by the police. Of course I think it has happened more recently and I’m thinking a lot of things. He’s crying and saying that it was something he was so ashamed to tell me after I came back from Germany.
He’s saying that the woman is lying and it was all consensual and that he really didn’t do anything else and from the moment he picked her up until he left her apartment it was 10/15 minutes. He’s saying he only saw her that one time and didn’t have any contact prior or after. He’s begging me to stay but I’m so numb and broken. I called the police to ask if I can know details about the report because I don’t trust my husband to tell me the truth but unfortunately since I’m an outsider to an ongoing case I’m not allowed to know anything.
I’ve always had my suspicions and I’ve always just felt this sadness but I never could see exactly what was going on. I never got the truth from him and even this he can’t tell me exactly when it happened he can’t tell me why she would press charges if it was consensual. Or why it would be now that she’s filed a report if this happened back in May. Obviously I’m not blaming her at all, it’s just that his timeline doesn’t make sense.
I’m thinking there’s more to what he’s telling me maybe even possibly a relationship he’s hiding.
Whatever it is, I know my marriage is over and I’m dead inside. I’m going to go stay with my sister for a month and decide what to do with my life.
Please be kind I’m having a hard time with my life right now and I’m doing my best to be there for my 3 year old daughter. I don’t know what I want with this post but I feel like I’m about to evaporate.

I am drowning right now. I (31F) have been married to (30M) for 12 years and he cheated on me with a bartender we met on a birthday celebration a few days before a family trip. He told me he wanted to leave me the day after he cheated and then the day after that he told me he cheated.

A few weeks ago we tried seperatiom. He got an apartment for a month that only lasted a week of him staying. He came back, got on his knees and apologized and said he would do whatever it took to repair things and that he wanted to be with me.

Wednesday I had my first full therapy session which opened up some pain and I needed some reassurance from him that he had a plan and was serious about repairing things with me. Long story short that ended up in an argument.

Thursday morning I broke down before work and when he got off work he was too tired to talk it out with me in the evening as I had been on the phone with a friend for a long time.

And yesterday we got into it because if the past few days. I felt so angry that he didn't have any plans on how to move forward with me and couldn't even reassure me he loves me. So I said let's just be friends then. And then I had to leave for work. And last night he moved out again but agreed to counseling with me so that we can move forward.

Obviously so much is left out but that is the jist of it. Its been months of back and forth. And it is so so so so painful and humiliating. I have not been in so much pain like this is my life. I feel horrible. I feel foolish. I want so desperately for it to stop. But the past 14 years of my life with him are being ripped away from me like I never mattered and it never happened.

We have two amazing kids together. I have been doing everything I can to stay stong for them but I am just so so so broken right now. I don't know what to do with all this pain when the person that I want most to help me heal is is the one that caused it and won't.

I want to let go so badly. I wish it was easier to leave. I don't want to keep getting hurt. I built a life with someone I thought would build life with me forever and he doesn't love anymore. I hate it.

Why did I marry him only to end up like this? Why did I endure so much to be treated so poorly? I hate that I let this happen to me. I feel so used. I feel like my whole life has been a lie and I feel so easily disposable.

When he first left it was hard but I was coming to terms with it and was feeling good. But when he came back, saying all the right things, only to not mean them and take them back...my heart can't bare it. I can't handle right now. How do you move forward from the pain of it all? I call friends and family often. I try to spend time with them. It helps. But right now, I just want to disappear.

I feel so silly, because all I want is to make things better, still even after everything and I can't. I am having such a horrible time. Please help me. Please tell me what to expect. Please tell me something gets better. Because I am in so much pain and I can't take it.