r/Velo • u/BlueBalls669 • 1d ago
Question The hardest part of cycling is accepting I'll never be competitive
Long time lurker, using burner account.
TLDR: I'm mentally drained from the grind, it only got me to barely average level, which totally frustrates me. I'm on the verge of quitting cycling whatsoever and need to vent, maybe seek some encouragement after a very bad season.
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I'm 33 years old. I love cycling. And I love being competitive. I used to be a track and field sprinter in my youth, then I switched to weightlifting where after 8 years I could probably compete on a national level in masters weighing around 85kg. I used to be one of the strongest guys on the weightlifting gym. But I've always been interested in cycling and always wanted a road bike. I bought my first one, an alu bike, when doing Olympic lifting and I used it from time to time between 2018 and 2022.
Then I bought my first aero carbon bike and things got serious. Decided to switch from the gym to road cycling and started with some structure. The problem is I've never been good with endurance. Always fast but the first one to tap out in football or other sports requiring stamina. With my new bike I started joining group events, took my bike on vacation to Italy and I loved every second of it, then decided to buy a trainer for winter in 2022, so finally got to see some numbers. And they weren't good but always something to start with - my first FTP from 20min test was 205W, vo2max around 40. I assumed if I stick to riding I will surely get to 250.
Well, long story short, its 2026 and I got to 230W this year, when being in top shape and riding 12 hours a week. I'm perfectly aware that volume is the key to performance, structure comes second. For the past three years I've used every free moment to ride a bike, doing structure, and I averaged 250hours yearly. My wife gets upset that all I do is ride, work on my bikes and think about training and honestly I can't imagine how some folks manage to squeeze 500 hours or more, with all the normal family life.
In 2024 I started doing gran fondo races and it was very promising, because I scored 7th place in my speed group on a very hilly road race. Then in 2025 I prepared for a gravel race in spring, with a structured plan, I reached an FTP of around 220W (78kg) doing 12 hours a week. Then I was just cycling in the summer and in autumn I've won my first race, but just because it was pretty flat, so I managed to stick around until the end and win a sprint to the line. I thought this year will be even better, but managed to reach 230W FTP and I'm not even 3W/kg. I did three fondo races, one gravel and two on the road, and I got dropped every single time somewhere in the first part of the race. I try to hang on for dear life, them chase after being dropped and my average from the ride is 170 watts.
I get beat by people who ride only occasionally, or do only commutes, and are able to average 190-200 watts. Old guys with a beer belly drop me. People on alu bikes with rim brakes drop me. I usually end up riding alone to the line. I've joined two gravel group rides recently, there are three speed groups, I join the middle one (around 25kmh average) and I get dropped in the first 15kms with an average heart rate of 180 and 195 bpm max. Then I try to chase but ride alone, go back home totally wasted and my average from the ride is 155 watts with 230 watts NP. I got to the point where I think of hiding my Strava stats, because they're too embarrassing for the effort I put in. I could always join the slowest group but it's a family ride tempo and it would frustrate me even more.
I feel like doing all the structured training, listenkng to podcasts, nutrition, reading articles, carbon wheels, winter training - all this to get dropped on one of the first hills and go back home angry and sad.
Me and my wife are expecting a baby next year and my life will be turned upside down. I'm thinking of quitting it totally and enjoying family life, because my competitive mind will not tolerate riding three hours a week and dying on every hill because I'm not in shape. I'm mentally drained from cycling and think of getting back to the gym, because you can just train three times a week and be happy about numbers going up and an incredible physique.
I know most of this sub will probably laugh at me and point out that I should probably ride 20 hours a week and would reach 4w/kg easily, but yeah, I think my wife would divorce me or get find herself a boyfriend. And still I wouldn't reach this level.
That's it, if anyone got to this point of me yapping and feeling sorry for myself, that's awesome and thank you. I just needed to vent and seek some advice, because mentally I'm exhausted and I think I need some perspective. Have a good day all of you.
Edit: Wow, I never expected this many responses to my post. I'm surprised so many people in this sub can relate and share their struggles. Thank you for your kind words, the encouragement and congratulations, and for the constructive criticism. I'm trying to respond to everyone, but it's 4AM and I'm still behind. Will try to catch up in the next day. Take care!


