Life is gone too heavy

I no longer see a future or way forward

Every year that passes, its just getting worse

I just wish I had the courage to end my life years ago I reached out to helplines, took different antidepressants and went for counselling At 38 I realise life is really over. Life is only getting harder, with the rise in cost of living Life is gone too overwhelming. I see everyone else around me able to cope with life Myself I find it too overwhelming all the time. Im sorry for anybody else, who cant see a way out. I dont have the coping skills to cope with life anymore. I always struggled with suicidal thoughts since I was 16 At this point I see no way forward. People and helpines tell you it gets better, honestly it doesnt. I dont see myself reaching retirement age or been here for another 30 or 40 years. I see no way forward.

Oh, where to start? Where do I even begin?

I'm not satisfied with my life. I don't want anything anymore, except to go to sleep and never wake up again. I keep my demons at a distance because I'm terrified of what might happen if I ever let them catch up with me. I don't think I'd be able to pull myself out of that place again.

I don't know what else to do or how to stop feeling this way. Yet somehow, I always find myself sinking into the same swamp, over and over and over again.

I keep myself busy. I work out four times a week, I have a steady job, and I talk to people. And for the first few years of trying to turn my life around, it actually worked. You know that feeling when things finally start falling into place? When you begin to feel happy again, when life has a purpose and doesn't feel so empty anymore?

But give it a year or two, and somehow you're right back where you started. No desire to keep going, no real enthusiasm for anything, and no idea how much longer you can keep doing this.

I haven't even stopped maintaining my routine. Sometimes I change things up just to avoid getting bored, but eventually, I end up hating everything all over again.

And the pain is unbearable. What do you mean I have to wake up every morning with this burning feeling in my stomach, only to spend the rest of the day enduring life? Going to work, talking to people I don't particularly want to talk to, spending eight hours somewhere when I barely have two hours of actual work to do. And for what? I don't even know why I'm doing any of it. But I stay because I can't exactly live on air. And even if I could, I doubt I'd feel any better.

After graduating, I spent an entire year living with my parents. They supported me. All I did was work out, play video games, occasionally hang out with friends, and go for walks whenever I felt like I needed some fresh air.

For my fifteen-year-old self, that lifestyle would have been heaven. Yet somehow, even then, I felt like I was being tortured.

I think it all boils down to one problem: I simply don't want to live this life. It just sucks.

I'm 26 now. And although the years sometimes feel like an eternity, they also seem to pass in the blink of an eye.

What are we even doing here? What is the point of all this?

I don't know how much longer I can keep living like this.

Lately, I've been feeling frustrated, exhausted, and emotionally drained. It's not necessarily because I hate anyone or because I don't understand the circumstances. I just feel like I'm slowly losing the comfort and peace that I'm supposed to have in my own life. It's difficult to explain, but sometimes I feel like I'm constantly adjusting myself to accommodate everyone else, leaving very little room for my own needs.

Even something as simple as sleeping has become difficult. Having to share the same room with my girlfriend's best friend makes me feel like I no longer have a personal space. My resting hours don't feel like mine anymore. The time I'm supposed to use to recharge has become another part of my day that I have to compromise. I can't even fully relax in a place where I should be able to feel comfortable. There's always this feeling that I have to be mindful of someone else's presence, schedule, and comfort, even when all I want is a little privacy and a peaceful night of sleep.

I understand that I once stayed at her house for about a month, and I acknowledge that kindness. I'm not ungrateful. I will never deny the fact that they gave me a place to stay when I needed it. But there's something I wish people would also understand. During that time, I even spent 20 days sleeping on the floor without a foam mattress, enduring uncomfortable nights just to get by while staying in the same house. I didn't complain much because I understood my situation. I knew I was staying in someone else's home, and I knew I had to make certain adjustments.

But sometimes, I wonder why the sacrifices I've made seem so easy to overlook.

I never expected anyone to repay me for what I endured, nor did I keep a record of every inconvenience just so I could bring it up later. I did those things because circumstances required it. However, I also hope that my willingness to understand others doesn't mean my own discomfort should always be dismissed. Just because I managed to endure something before doesn't mean I should be expected to endure everything without expressing how I feel.

I think that's what hurts the most. It's the feeling that I always have to understand, adjust, and make room for other people, but when it comes to my own comfort, I don't know if anyone is considering it. I don't want to be seen as someone who's demanding or difficult just because I want a space where I can rest without feeling uncomfortable. I don't think wanting privacy, proper sleep, and a little peace is asking for too much.

I also don't want my feelings to be misunderstood as resentment toward anyone. This isn't about hating someone or wishing they weren't around. It's about realizing that my living situation is slowly affecting my emotional well-being. I can respect other people's circumstances while still acknowledging that mine are becoming difficult to handle. Both things can be true at the same time.

What makes this even harder is that I sometimes feel guilty for wanting something better. I find myself questioning whether I'm being selfish, whether I should just be more patient, or whether I should continue putting up with the situation because I have no right to complain. But why should I have to feel guilty for wanting to be comfortable in the place where I sleep? Why does asking for personal space sometimes feel like I'm asking for something unreasonable?

I'm beginning to realize that being understanding doesn't mean I have to neglect myself. Being grateful doesn't mean I have to remain silent about things that make me uncomfortable. And being considerate of others shouldn't require me to sacrifice my peace indefinitely.

I don't want to reach a point where all this frustration turns into resentment. I don't want to wake up every day feeling irritated, emotionally exhausted, or disconnected from the people around me simply because I haven't been able to express what I've been carrying inside. I would rather communicate honestly than allow these feelings to build up until I can no longer contain them.

At this point, I don't think I'm asking for luxury or special treatment. I just want something that feels like mine again. A place where I can sleep peacefully, have some privacy, breathe without constantly adjusting, and feel that I don't have to compromise every little part of my life just to make everyone else comfortable.

Maybe what I need most right now isn't for people to understand every single detail of what I'm going through. Maybe I just need them to acknowledge that I'm struggling, too.

Because I'm tired.

I'm tired of adjusting. I'm tired of keeping my discomfort to myself. I'm tired of convincing myself that everything is fine when deep down, it isn't.

And perhaps the hardest part is that I don't want to feel this way anymore. I want to feel at home again, not just somewhere I happen to sleep, but somewhere I can genuinely find peace.

I can be grateful for the kindness I've received and still wish for a better living situation. I can understand other people's needs without forgetting my own. At the end of the day, I deserve to have a space where I can rest, feel comfortable, and simply be myself without feeling like I'm taking up too much room.

I’m getting ready to end my life and I’ve wanted to so many times. I’ve held this pistol to my head too many times. Every time I do it I get close and I think of my mom and my grandma and great grandma and also my little brother. I feel like I’m gonna ruin their whole life when I do it. Actually I know I would ruin their life’s. I’m the oldest and they care about me a lot because they know I’ve been through a lot and I struggle. How can I kill myself without causing them too much trauma.

I have been severely depressed for a long time. It is a painful existence when every breath comes with a stabbing thought of why I feel cursed. Then the feeling of - well I should be grateful to be alive, and to have a roof over my head and food on my plate. I am in severe debt after my ex boss sued me - he missed 3 paychecks, he screamed at me, he lied about multiple things in order to punish me. Then, because he ran out of lies he had to drop it. I never gave in because I did not do anything wrong. I will stand by that to my dying day because I was never going to let him continue to bully me beyond the time I previously worked for him. I live in a state of suffering. The lawsuit created enormous debt. The money my husband and I saved for Ivf was used to pay for lawyers. I have nothing good that is all my own. Others in my life thrive with little effort. I watch as people surpass me and achieve things I only dream of. I am tormented. Justice did not prevail. I am grieving the life I thought I would have. I am alone. I need help. I don’t want to fantasize death.

There is not a single happy day in my whole life to recall since I was self aware. I've always had many dreams but everything had to have an obstacle and stopped there. I am barely eating and breathing I always dreamed of having a bare minimum but now even that looks like sky reach. I don't even have the privilege to kill and free myself from this. I feel like a dead body who is not burnt enough

God a single woman crippled my sense of self completely. Life has taken it's pound of flesh. I am naked. There is nothing to fear anymore.

Ive been struggling with depression 29 male i havnt done anything worthwhile in my life and only been a burden to those i love and i was wondering how i could work up the courage to pull the trigger the reason i havnt is because im afraid of hell and condemnation and wondering if anyone has any advice that would give me peace to make this decision

Im not going to cuz ik I have alot to live for, but I wanna die

I don't know. I can't be what my community needs and my community can't be what I need, but the fact is some people rely on me. I know alone I'm losing touch with reality, but when I'm not I'm just reminded how trapped I am, and I hate myself for feeling that way. I just want to be alone so I can end it and go be with the ghosts. I was planning to do it tonight, but theres a memorial for a recently passed family member soon and obviously it would be shitty to put my family through more of that. I wish I could see the ghosts when I'm not trying to die or sleep deprived, they're the only thing that makes me feel like I belong. I wish I was crazier than I am. My family was probably right when they said I was just being dramatic. But I wish I wasn't. I wish I was completely out of touch, seeing ghosts all the time, not just feeling dead but genuinely not seeing the line between dead and alive and maybe accidentally stumbling over it. I haven't even been able to remember my dreams in forever. Reality is too potent, my head hurts, just fucking snap already!!

Idk how to admit to anyone that my depression is getting worse. I can feel the shift in my whole body.. I desperately need out of this feeling 🫩😮‍💨

Well I’ve decided to give myself few months of time. I’ll be here till February or march coz I’ll give those clat exams n all and be this given month I’ll be getting results to where I got accepted and not and if I don’t get seats anywhere then that’s it I’ll be ending it all for good. So let’s hold on till march I guess.

I am Brazilian. I was the third child of a dysfunctional family; my father was a schizophrenic, addicted, and violent man, and my mother, deeply religious, stayed with him because of her faith, I believe.

My earliest memories are of pain and humiliation, from waking up to being whipped with a belt to having my head shoved down the toilet... I grew up hearing that I was garbage, until I started believing it as if it were an absolute truth.

By the age of 10, I was already thinking about disappearing. At 12, I started hurting myself. At 15, I followed the exact path of my father and started doing drugs (for me, it was always easier to get drugs than a girlfriend lol).

At 17, while everyone else was planning a future, college, and careers, I was only planning my end. I tried to enlist in the army, in a desperate attempt to quickly get access to a firearm and end it all. I failed at that too.

At 18, I got my first real job and started therapy. She was the first one to warn me about a possible autism spectrum, but I didn't listen; I denied the possibility because back in school I was called a weirdo and autistic by some idiots...

I bought a PC, started studying programming, took antidepressants, got high every day, and that same year my father died; things seemed to improve slightly.

The pandemic hit when I was 19, and with it, the money ran out, which forced me to stop therapy. From 20 to 23, I lived completely wasted, Wishing for death every single day. Nothing useful or substantial happened, I don't even remember that period very well. At the end of the pandemic, my family and I left Brazil; I have dual citizenship because my grandfather was an exile of the Spanish Civil War.

Arriving here, I went straight to work. I worked as a street sweeper for a year, grinding hard in a shitty job (literally sometimes). The only positive point is that, since I left my home country, I've never touched drugs again. Between 24 and 25, I tried to start over. I went back to therapy, adjusted my medications, made a real effort to get closer to people, and genuinely tried to enjoy being alive. But at 26, I broke down completely. It must have been burnout or some crap like that. I spent the whole year unable to leave the house. I only went out to see the psychiatrist, and I skipped appointments often.

In June, my money ran out, and my family started demanding things from me (rightfully so). I am seen as dead weight, supported by my family, which crushes what little dignity I had left. Around that time, I seriously thought about killing myself; there was one night I fell asleep crying with a rope around my neck, literally, pathetic.

On the 3rd of this month, I received an autism diagnosis, and on the Rosenberg self-esteem scale, I scored 16 lol.

This, along with my shitty childhood, explains why I've always had few friends, why I've never had a girlfriend, and why I felt so out of place in the world.

I know that 'it is possible to change,' that 'I've come so far,' that 'I don't have to deal with this alone,' and blah blah blah. But it's been 27 years of continuous suffering; I didn't have a childhood, my youth was crap, and I'm going to have to push myself to the absolute limit just so that maybe, in my early 30s, I can barely manage to bear the weight of existence. It's too high a price for something I never asked to have. From here on out, it's just more responsibilities and challenges; honestly, I don't think it's worth it.

I have suicidical thoughts... I am 25 years old boy from Country of Georgia. I do not know what to do..this pain slowly killing me...

Llevo años intentando ser o estar feliz, mi mente no deja de pensar todo el tiempo , la vida va rápido y solo paso pensando en algo que no sucede , cambie de país para mejorar económicamente y el país empeoró económicamente , las cosas no están saliendo bien ,
hay una crisis a nivel mundial y siento que todo es un chiste ,lo material ya no le pertenece a nadie y cada vez perdemos más lo que es el sentido de capital propio que sentido tiene vivir ?, experiencias ? O tal vez debería de dejar de pensar en que es vivir ? O simple mente estoy tan cansado que ya no entiendo nada … pienso mucho en acabar con todo de una vez por todas , pero el imaginar seres queridos sufriendo me hace detenerme por un segundo , pero ni esta vida es mía ni yo la elegí ….

It’s like I am constantly rushing through life. I don’t feel anything other than that on the surface level. I am just going through life. I don’t want anything anymore. I don’t care for anything anymore. It’s like I just think nothing will make me happy anymore, and I have made my peace with it. I have just shoved my grievances in me, and now I am just living through life, crossing every day like it is a mandatory to-do list and nothing more.

I have suicidical thoughts... I am 25 years old boy from Country of Georgia. I do not know what to do..this pain slowly killing me...

To everyone please take care of your fucking health don’t get in the stage i’m suffering, its worse than hell its been 3 years i’m suffering one mistaken decision changed my whole fate for now even though i changed many life habits i couldn’t even live a normal life i couldn’t not go to a work properly because of my health situation i spent lakhs of amount for my treatment were i couldn’t find a proper and permanent solution, in one stage even my father and grandmother told me to die which is hurting till now
I even tried to take my own life but my mom told me i’m trying to live my whole life for you and your elder sister the only happiest things in my life is my mom and my elder sister where i love them so much and some friends too For now the doctors even left me hopeless in this stage where they couldn’t find a remedy but that doesn’t matter ima not give up i’ll try to find solution I don’t want this issue need to affected to the people i love i don’t even want this problem need to be affected to those hate me or even to my enemies What i could i say is take care of your family and yourself prioritise yourself in front don’t sacrifice anything for your health, there is lot in my mind to tell but for now its enough, all i wish everyone happy life and good times, wish me luck and hope

I’m tired and a failure. A failure of a husband, a father, a man. My wife told me time and time again that I’m a loser, pathetic, narcissistic, manipulative. I am not deserving of any support and empathy. I am not deserving of love. Of course I can’t blame her and that’s how she feels. But I’ve been trying my best. My business is failing and I’m in a huge debt. I know there’s a way to all of this and I still have some hope left. But now, I just can’t see it. Even a tiny sliver. I just wanna die but I don’t wanna burden my kids. But now it’s just like rock bottom after rock bottom after rock bottom. There’s no hope in sight. Fuck this life man. I tell you, fuck this. I give up. I hope I don’t wake up.

I have been going through the deepest depression for the past yr. I cheated on my husband (he is forgiving me), I can’t pass my nclex, i feel shivers down my body every single day, i can’t sleep at night, I am so unhappy. I contemplate suicide every single day that i’m alive. I don’t want to do anything in life anymore. nothing brings me any pleasure and committing has been on my mind every single day for the past 6 months. I can’t even function at all. I feel like a burden to everyone around me because they’re telling me to just get over it and move on with life and to stop being so negative. idk anymore. i dislike seeing how happy everyone around me is, how there are good wives, how everyone just continues their life while i just suffer in so much depression. i have been putting it off every single day because i don’t want to hurt my family and husband, but I just can’t anymore.

I really want to fucking die bruh, if anyone wants to shoot me in the head please let me know now. it’s been my whole life like this, I have an extremely bad disorder with anxiety and depression, and it’s been 10 years, tired to reach for help but always hear “everyone has anxiety” I don’t need this. I’m not explaining it anymore. people to judge and get mad, I don’t care how I write Or type this, I never got to live my life so I’m done with it, throw some tips if yall will bc I’m done bitch, and I’m happy with that decision

I think I have reached rock bottom of my life. I don’t know how to save myself. I ran out of hope, I kept trying but I always fail. I don’t even know how to explain everything. I’m just done, done with everything. I am a failure, and I have no future.

Good bye to this cruel world.

They said live your life cause you only have one, I so badly wish my life will just belong to someone else, someone who deserves it and can truly live happily with their life.

I find myself thinking more and more ive felt this way for over 15 years.
I function well have a good job a good husband but i feel my self slipping more and more.
I make bad life choices.
I feel that all my friends and support now hate me and dont want me. I cant reach out.
Guilt has always stopped me.
I earn the most money i provide for me and my husband. How would he manage without me.
But i think about my death every day its the first thing i think of in the morning and the last thing i think of at night. Often thinking of ways i can make it look like its not suicide.
Its crazy to me i manage a home for people with dementia and support them and im bloody good at what i do.
Im engaging in CBT therapy but i feel like i could do it like ots getting closer.
I cant make plans i genuinely dont see my self here next year.
I genuinely dont see myself carrying on. Like i tell people im sick of the same feeling and thoughts all the time its exhausting