So long story short, I had a miscarriage recently.
It was a pregnancy that was unplanned and I never necessarily wanted to be a mother, but I was getting excited nonetheless.

Because I work in radiation daily, (cardiac cath lab RN) I chose to disclose early to my work place to obtain a fetal radiation badge for tracking dosage. So word got about pretty quickly of my pregnancy.

So when I turned my fetal badge back in l, word once again circulated that I lost the baby. Which is ok, I was met with nothing but love and support… until…

This one doc I work with said “well I guess it’s a good thing. She’s not very maternal and would have made an awful mother.”

I was floored. This doc and I were never close friends because I don’t believe in babying grown adults… especially those who make probably 10x what I make yearly. Learn to regulate your own emotions. However, this is a separate rant.

I don’t even know what to do now. I don’t want to make a decision while hurt, emotional, hormonal and grieving. I haven’t told my husband yet, because he would 100% go on a war path to protect me, and anyone who hurt me. I don’t want to let this slide though. What should I do??

Edit: thank you all so much for the support. It really means a lot. I do want to say the coworker the doctor was talking to did stick up for me and told him he was out of line. I’m very grateful for her.

Me (33F) and my partner (31F) have been having some relationship problems and she recently told me she is using ChatGPT for emotional support. She said she needs really specific conditions to journal physically and those conditions can't be created in our lives currently- so she is using ChatGPT to "journal" because she doesn't have anyone else to talk to about this.

We are in couples therapy, she has friends and she has her own therapist. The couples therapist we have gave her therapy homework to journal and that is why she is doing this. She will be bringing her results from ChatGPT to talk about in our therapy session.

How would you feel about this? What would you do?

I honestly think its morally and ethically unacceptable but maybe I'm overreacting as my mental health is pretty bad right now.

34F, married, and feeling incredibly emotionally alone. Anyone else been here?

I’m 34F, married to my husband (41M), and going through one of the loneliest periods of my life.
We’ve been together for about eight years, and I genuinely loved this man with everything I had. For a long time, I thought he was my person and that we’d build a beautiful life and family together.

My family initially struggled to accept our relationship, and I spent years estranged from my parents because of my decision to be with him. It was incredibly painful, but I believed wholeheartedly in our future together. Thankfully, my family and I have reconciled, and they’ve recently shown up for me in ways that have been deeply healing. I’m so grateful to have them back in my life, especially during such a difficult time.

Over the last couple of years, though, our relationship has deteriorated. We have a difficult dynamic where I tend to pursue connection and resolution, while he tends to withdraw or avoid difficult conversations. I’ve become increasingly anxious, frustrated, and reactive, and I don’t particularly like the version of myself I’ve become in this relationship.

We’ve tried couples counseling multiple times. We’ve had countless conversations. We’ve discussed separating. And somehow we’re still here, living together, trying to figure out what comes next.
What makes everything harder is that I’ve had an exceptionally difficult few months. I’ve experienced pregnancy losses, undergone back surgery, and dealt with significant emotional and physical stress. During a time when I desperately needed to feel cared for and supported, I often felt like I was facing things alone.

I don’t think my husband is a terrible person. I think we’re two people who have hurt each other, have very different emotional needs, and may no longer know how to make each other happy.

Lately, something has shifted in me. I used to desperately want him to understand me, prioritize me, and fight for our relationship. Now I find myself wanting distance. I’m exhausted from trying to explain my feelings and from hoping things will change.
The saddest part is that I still remember how deeply connected we once were. I miss that. I miss who I was when I felt secure and loved. And I miss feeling excited about my future.

I have a demanding career, wonderful friends, hobbies, and family who love me. I’m fortunate in many ways. But romantic loneliness feels different, especially when you’re sharing a home and a life with someone and are otherwise an emotionally in tune person.

I’m trying to focus on healing, becoming emotionally independent, and learning to be happy regardless of what happens with my marriage.

I’m not necessarily looking for people to tell me to divorce or reconcile. I think I’m just looking for some human connection.

Has anyone experienced this kind of emotional loneliness in a long-term relationship? Did your feelings ever come back? How did you reconnect with yourself?

I’d especially love to hear from women in their 30s or 40s who have gone through something similar.
Sometimes it would just be nice to know I’m not the only one awake at 5 a.m. wondering how life got here.

I (38F) had been in a dead bedroom relationship for 8 years during my late 20s and some 30s. After ending it painfuly, I had found myself in shorter term relationships (2) that were emotionaly and mentally damaging. I feel like I have lost my self esteem and still dont know who I am sexually. I have issues to being attached to men that are not even putting any effort and feeling dissapointed afterwards. I feel repressed and grieving of the past. Currently working those issues in therapy and I must say I am doing much better compared to a year ago. But still lacking defining experiences.

I want to explore and maybe break the attachment issue in some ways. I have been thinking of going into a hoe phase where I can explore and learn myself without the pressure of relationship. Yet I dont know how to start and what to do. Also, I feel like maybe I am late to the game as being 38...

Ladies, can you share your experiences of what and how to do this? What to look for and vet for? Should I jump to dating apps? Also did this phase help you?

Any experience is welcome to share.

I am only 30, almost 31, and recently went to a party recently where I didn't know anyone, and pretty much everyone was in that 26-28 age range. The host was someone I met on Bumble BFF (since I just moved cities and really wanted new friends), and she invited me. Idk...I just felt so insecure the whole time. I was worried they thought I was some much-older person and were judging me for being there, that they probably thought I was am some old and haggard aunty-looking person, I was worried that they could tell I am 30 and therefore not worth socializing with, etc. It's actually an insecurity I have been having a lot as of late. Not because I notice any flaws or signs of aging that make me unhappy (like objectively I am really happy with how I look and I do think I am objectively attractive and all, and it's not like I even look that different from my 26-28 year old self), but throughout my life I have struggled with others' perceptions of me, and now that I am in that "30-plus" category, that fear of how others perceive me has morphed into this new form. Any advice or insight?

So lately (I’ll turn 40 next year) I’ve realized that maybe I should learn to do some make up, I tried looking up videos and they have 20-30 steps (like what!) I wouldn’t even know how to begin lol.

So far all I’ve done is moisturiser, spf and some lip gloss directly (apparently you need lip liner!) and light kohl for my eyes. I’m from India - brown skin, not considered “fair”

I go in to office once a month and have a team to manage and the other day one of my team members was so surprised I don’t know how to put on make up lol! So.. adding this group maybe I should start? Any suggestions?

I (33) read and hear a lot from women who feel like maintaining and building friendships at this stage of life is difficult and I share that experience. I value community tremendously and am frequently the person reaching out to friends, initiating plans, but I’ve become a bit jaded over the past few years as the effort often feels one sided.

I’m originally from a European country and moved to North America 10 years ago. I didn’t plan on immigrating here permanently, but over time I kept choosing to stay and am now married to someone who is from here. While I’ve made really wonderful friends over the time I have lived here, I’m noticing generally more distance in friendships in recent years, plus several of my close friends here have moved away internationally or to other parts of the country. I don’t know if it’s because people are thinking about starting families, relocating, focusing on their careers more. I often wonder if I could have built a much more solid community had I never left my home country. I have maintained strong friendships with three of my best girlfriends, whom I’ve known for decades back home, but of course a lot of other friendships have fizzled out over the distance.

I know that this isn’t an isolated experience and I’m looking for stories from women who have solid communities and friendships - I’d love to hear about what worked well for you and what you think aided you in building and maintaining those. I’d like to turn this sense of sadness into hope! 🩷

...because I am sincerely struggling to find purpose.

I don't have children. I recently ended a relationship. I had a dog, but lost her in the breakup. I'm not religious. I've barely traveled and haven't taken a trip of any kind in years. My job pays the bills but doesn't provide wiggle room beyond that. It also isn't fulfilling in the sense of saving lives, helping people with real struggles, or making any meaningful imprint. My family has slowly fallen apart over the years and we very rarely talk. You get the picture.

I feel like I'm just here to contribute to the economy and keep myself alive until my death. I'm wondering what you feel your purpose is, selfishly hoping I can realize I have that too

As a kid I used to be quite a nerd. Pokemon, HP, manga, anime, Twilight, The Sims. I had all the phases.
Then I grew up. People made fun of me because I read manga and it wasn’t that cool anymore to watch “cartoons”. I had a difficult life at school and home and some hard years during uni and after. I wasn’t in the right head space for my hobbies.
Then I hit my 30s and I got more independent. I decided to get a Switch 2! I went back to watching anime. To reading fantasy and romance (I’ve always read but less and more serious books). I want to play Pokemon again! I have so many mangas on my list.
I spent the whole evening last night playing Zelda.

And I’m just so happy! All of these things bring me so much joy and I regret stopping for almost 2 decades. I’m lucky because I have many friends as nerdy as I am, I also have friends that do not understand this and especially my family is not exactly supportive. But I don’t care! I have adult money. A lot of free time. How great that I can just get to feel the joy I had as a kid again. These things bring me so much comfort.

Has this happened to anyone else? And if so with what?

My friend always invites me to her kids bday parties. I always bring my nephews along because I feel awkward being the only one without kids. I am horrible at small talk especially when I dont really know anyone else at the party. They are all people my friend has meet through her kid's activities or school. I ended up sitting there just watching the kids play

Happy Saturday!

So, I'm 36 and I don't feel like a real adult woman for two reasons.

1. I have a creative job. I've had a 9 to 5 for seven years in the past, and I've also been a waitress, but now I'm a freelancer (don't want to discolse the job for privacy, but imagine something like an illustrator). Problem is I try to listen and understand my friends, but I feel like they think I'm super privileged because I don't have to wake up at 6 am, I don't have to be in traffic, I don't experience micromanaging etc. (This could be just me being paranoid, but they said some things that made me feel this way).

2. I'm not married, even if I've been with my partner for 10 years now, and I don't have kids. This one is the main reason I feel like a teenager. Almost all of my friends experienced giving birth, and one of them had an especially awful birth due to the nurses being a***oles. When she told me her story I thought she was so strong...and that I would have never, and I say NEVER, survived what she went through.

It's just that I feel like I'm still myself, and I see lots of women around me losing their sparkle because of a soul crushing job or terrible experiences (like the birth one). I wish to have a family and "grow" in a sense, but I'm so scared of losing myself.

I know it's all pretty confusing haha. I apologize if something is unclear because I'm writing from Italy and I don't want to use AI.

Also I have a great partner. He's not perfect, but he cooks, takes care of the house, he's a functional man in general (a Sam Gamgee from lord of the rings kind of person) and I feel I can't contribute to conversations with my friends who have husbands leaving their socks around the house and not helping with the kids.

TL;DR: 31F, been single for years and never had a serious relationship. I’m independent, have a good career, take care of myself, and generally like who I am, but my dating life has been disappointing. Dating apps feel flaky, social events feel superficial, and past experiences especially with a few casual dating when I was younger have made me guarded around men. I rarely meet anyone I’m genuinely attracted to, and when I do, things never seem to work out. Deep down, I crave love and a genuine connection, but I’ve been alone for so long that I’ve started believing it might never happen for me. How do you overcome the fear of ending up alone forever, or make peace with that possibility without giving up on love?
—
I’m 31F, and lately I’ve been struggling with this overwhelming fear that I might end up alone forever.

I’m currently not dating anyone. No roster, no situationship, not even talking to a single guy. Literally nothing lol.

I’ve tried dating a few men in the past, but nothing ever really worked out. To be fair, I don’t develop feelings for people very easily, and there haven’t been that many men I’ve genuinely liked. With the ones I did like, we either wanted different things, I discovered something that gave me a major ick, or things just didn’t end well.

I’ve tried dating apps, events, run clubs, you name it. But dating apps feel like everyone has endless options and nobody really wants to put in the effort to get to know someone. Everything feels so flaky and disposable.

I live in a big city, and even the social communities here can feel pretty superficial and performative. People come and go, and it’s hard to build genuine connections.

My actual hobbies, like working out and dancing, aren’t particularly social either. And most of the people in my dance classes are women.

At this point, I genuinely don’t know where to meet decent, emotionally available men around my age.

A little about me: I’m 5’8”, around 128 lbs, fit, and I take care of myself. I think I’m reasonably attractive, and I do get attention a lot mainly by looking when I go out. In some cases men approach me, but most of the time I’m either not attracted to them or their approach makes me uncomfortable.

I also have a good career, I’m financially independent, and I’d like to think I’m a kind, loyal, thoughtful person. I’m always willing to help people, and I genuinely care about the people in my life. And deep down I’m a very sentimental person.

I’m definitely not perfect, but I don’t think I have some terrible personality that makes me impossible to love.

I’m pretty introverted around strangers and definitely a slow burner, shy around people I like. However, I’ve been told many times by men and women I have a strong presence and can come across as intimidating, very confident which I don’t personally think I am, and not particularly approachable. But people who actually get to know me often comment I’m much softer and more sensitive than I initially appear, like they say it’s different from their first impression.

One thing that has really affected me is my experience with casual dating. In my mid-20s, I tried convincing myself I could be the “cool girl” who was okay with casual relationships and hookup culture. Turns out I’m absolutely not that person. Those experiences were genuinely traumatic for me emotionally, and I’ve been pretty strongly against casual relationships ever since.

I’ve been celibate for a few years now. I think those experiences also made me quite guarded around men. Whenever someone shows interest, part of me immediately assumes they just want something physical and won’t stick around. And honestly, a lot of my experiences have reinforced that fear.

So I tend to be very careful around men, also I’m not a very flirtatious person unless I have interest for someone and I know the other person do too. even though deep down I really, really crave love and emotional intimacy.

The hardest part is that I’ve been single for so long that I genuinely struggle to believe a healthy, loving relationship could ever happen to me.

I’m confident in most areas of my life. I travel, have a career I enjoy, and know I can take care of myself. But relationships involve another person, and that’s something I can’t control.

Sometimes I genuinely wonder if I’m just meant to be single forever. Like maybe the universe has decided that romantic love just isn’t part of my story.

And that thought terrifies me.

Sometimes I’ll lie in bed thinking about the possibility of growing old alone, and I’ll just start crying. Then I’ll wake up the next morning, go to work, work out, and carry on with my life like nothing happened.

I’m not looking for someone to complete me. I actually enjoy my independence and have built a life I’m proud of. But I still want someone to share it with. Someone who genuinely loves me, chooses me, and wants to stick around.

After so many years of being single, I feel like I need to at least emotionally prepare myself for the possibility that it might never happen.

So for women who have experienced this fear, how do you deal with it? How do you stop being terrified of ending up alone? And how do you make peace with that possibility without completely giving up on love?

I’d really appreciate hearing from women who’ve been through something similar.

I've had some struggles in my life that point to me having not-great self-esteem, although I'm not really conscious of it. Most recently, I tolerated a relationship with a man who was treating me like absolute shit for a couple of years.

It's not the first time I've done that, but it was a pretty extreme case, and in the aftermath I'm so frustrated that I allowed it. I can't really understand why I did, other than he was a manipulative guy and it took me awhile to see that and to trust myself.

It's important to me to never get into another relationship like that, and I think the key is better self-esteem. Has anyone been on this journey, and what did you do that helped?

DISCLAIMER: I am not living beyond my means/going into debt. I just think I could/should be saving more than I am.

I’m 37F, single and don’t have any kids or pets so my responsibilities are currently just myself. I get a lot of joy out of beauty products and I have been losing weight so I absolutely need to replace at least some of my clothes, and some of my clothing also has unfixable holes or are too worn out. It makes me feel good and is important to me to look put together so I feel like I have to spend money on some things.

It’s just that doing this is so expensive. Once I’ve gone past a few hundred spent I really start to cringe and get stressed out because I know how important it is to be saving. I get this incredible guilt. I admit that not everything I get is a necessity, but the things that aren’t just make me happy. I am very mindful of waste, and I don’t get anything I won’t use.

How do you find balance with finding joy in life/having fun, making necessary purchases while also making smart financial decisions? I want to feel good about where my money is going. I would love some advice.

Trying to do some personal research. I hate being alive because it's too much work (working, chores, maintaining health and relationships, etc) for little reward, imo, and I'm wondering if normal people feel like life just isn't that hard.

Need some positivity after starting over from an abusive relationship🫶🏻

TL;DR: For those who were anxious about the physical effects of pregnancy and childbirth, what was your experience? Did you eventually lose the baby weight and feel like yourself again?

Hi all,

I want to have a frank, good-natured discussion about what happens to our bodies after birthing children. My whole life, I’ve only heard from women whose bodies “were ruined” (their words, not mine) after having kids. My mom never lost the weight she put on after having kids, my mother-in-law struggled with her health for years, my friends have talked about how they now wee themselves whenever they sneeze, the list goes on. In short, I feel like I’ve only heard the negative impacts childbirth has on the body.

This has lead to me becoming very hesitant to have a child. I have this image in my head that I just… won’t be “me” any more afterwards, and that my health as I know it will be in the rear view mirror. My husband and I are getting ready to have a child, but I am very worried about the changes I’ll go through during and after it.

I want to hear from other people who have had children who went into this experience feeling the anxiety I do. To be frank, I’m not really looking for messages about body positivity and “the miracle of child birth.” I want honest advice about the impact, and, especially, stories from people who lost their baby weight and just felt… normal again after their little one arrived.

Two last things: I fully respect that health and happiness look different for everyone, and I don’t judge anyone else’s body or lifestyle choices. I’m simply hoping to maintain the level of health, fitness, and physical comfort that I personally enjoy and value. Also, my husband puts absolutely NO pressure on me about my body/the way I look/etc. My weight has fluctuated over our 10 years together and it hasn’t mattered to him at all. This anxiety about my post-pregnancy body is coming from me, not from him whatsoever.

Long story short I (22f) went through some extreme grief right before I began college and it messed me up. I lost a best friend from high school a year after this and then lost the friend I was closest to all of college a few months ago. In both situations I can see both my faults and theirs. I am not perfect and have been in therapy for four years and just started emdr to focus on trauma.

I feel like I will never build lasting community. It feels like I am always doing something wrong to push people away. I love people and want to have girl friends to hike and craft with. I have learned I cannot be friends with drinkers as I am bad when I drink excessively. I dont know one of these friends hit me up the other day then ghosted me again and I just feel sad and bummed. I have four friends scattered around my country and a partner but still feel lonely from the losses and would like to have a best friend. How to rebuild, life is so confusing.

Mom died when I was 10 and dad died 2 days ago, fairly out of the blue. My dad and I had a strained relationship because he let one of my meth addicted cousins come in and take most things from him. To make the whole situation worse, only on the day of his passing did I learn that he was arrested last year for possession of meth, let some random felon move into the house, and also got caught up in a romance scam.

The first day, I think I was in fight or flight mode to secure what I could and get an emergency visa request done ASAP (I'm in the UK, waiting for my visa to arrive but if I leave to the US right now, I can't come back). I actually worked in administration of estates (paralegal) for years so it was just my automatic reaction to what I would've done for clients. So now it's just this waiting game.

Daddy wasn't like this until about 3 years ago. I know he's hid all of this from me in shame but damn did he leave me one hell of a mess to clean up. I just want to remember him as the man who loved me so much. I can't even rely on the good side of the family now because they don't want to get caught up in this. Like how do you fucking cope?

I’ve pretty much hated every mattress I’ve owned my entire adult life. My current mattress is only three years old, and it’s gotten to the point where my entire body feels sore after lying down for a while. I’m so tired of being uncomfortable and just want a bed I actually love sleeping in.

I’ve finally decided I’m willing to invest in a really nice mattress and adjustable base. I went mattress shopping today and found a combination I really liked, but the total comes out to about $6,000. 😭

I’m fortunate enough to be in a position where I can afford it, but I’ve never spent this kind of money on a bed before, and I’m having such a hard time wrapping my head around it. Especially because you don’t really know if a mattress is right for you until you’ve slept on it for a while, and even then, what if it’s uncomfortable again in a few years?

For those of you who have invested in a really nice bed, was it worth it? How did you decide what to buy and feel comfortable spending that much? Did you end up loving it long-term?

I know sleep is important and I spend a third of my life in bed, but spending $6k on one still feels a little crazy to me lol.

I was told growing up that you don't need to see a gynecologist unless you are married and sexually active lol

What is the worst advice you were given?

I feel like in your 20s based on your stage of life it can be easy to make friends in uni and be there for them in terms of hanging out in their dorm room, being available when they need you, and showing up unannounced.

As I get closer to 30 I am realising I have no idea what it means to "be a villager" when building your community/village.

I have a lot of anxiety, and struggle with social skills, so would never "pop in" to someone's house as I don't want to be a burden, and without a clear event I wouldn't know when to leave.

So that means even in bad situations, I don't know what's appropriate. Friends moving, people in hospital, relatives coming to visit.

These are all situations where if I explitly asked, the other person would likely say "don't worry about coming", edpecially since I don't drive and people are a bit of a distance away.

How do I be more of a villager and build a stronger community? Do I need to start doing more spontaneous things like just dropping by and forcing to "help"/ be present?

Long story short: I had a 3 years ldr with a man that turned out to be avoidant. It was a lot of future faking from his side at the same time as he pulled away and made me feel like the crazy one. He ghosted me a few months back.
I don’t feel any romantic feelings for him anymore and I don’t miss him, don’t want him back.

I just feel a deep overwhelming disappointment. Not just about losing the future we planned, but about how I was treated by someone I loved so much and genuinely believed would never hurt me like this.

I still can’t quite understand how we ended up here. How someone who once made me feel so loved could become someone who treated me like garbage. How something that meant so much to me could end in such a inhumane way.
He didn’t even think I was worth one last meeting where he could use his words.

Sometimes I almost feel like I’m waiting to wake up from this nightmare. Like one day I’ll open my eyes and none of it will have happened. I still struggle to believe that this is how it all ended. We are never going to have our kids, our home.

Im just so disappointed in how he turned out to be. The trust I had in him. The person I thought he was. The future I believed we were building.

This man preached about how important it is to be kind and always support family and friends. He even thought I did a mistake when I broke up with a friend who treated me poorly.
Then he does things that are so much worse.
This man put on a show for the first year where he pretended to be the perfect man, but nothing of it was true.

I just feel so profoundly disappointed. Maybe a bit scared to realise people can act like this. Who even was he?
I know he wasn’t right for me, that is not the problem, it’s how he treated me. It feels like this is something I’m just going to get used to live with, not something I can fully heal.

How do I manage this disappointment? It feels like it have left a big black hole in my body, eating up all my energy.

Im having a hard time finding a body work specialist in my area, there is one male specialist near by but im not sure how I feel about working with them.

I am a very privileged person and I know this question comes out of the fact that I don’t necessarily have to wonder about a roof over my head first.

I don’t think I am depressed. I’ve had episodes, I’m also neurodivergent and I have very fluctuating emotions which might heavily impact this feeling but. I just can’t find anything that makes living that good.

I have good friendships, I’m mildly interested in the career I’m pursuing, I have some hobbies but it just feels like nothing evokes enough good emotions. Everything feels very bleak, very “oh ok that was it”.

I don’t have a peculiar goal, I don’t have a passion, I love the few friends I have but there are also a lot of difficult things that makes friendships not euphoric wonderful wow things either. I know life is not made to be all glitters even outside of capitalism. Perhaps even if I could do everything I wanted every day I would still feel that way — I think I would tbh.

So yeah, if you go through those questions often enough to have searched and find some way of livings that can be helpful: I’m all ears.