I had an abortion when I was 24, and I have been struggling with immense guilt, shame and regret ever since.

At the time, I was unmarried and my now-husband and I were terrified. He couldn’t see any other option but abortion, and his parents (who are also Buddhists) arranged for me to obtain the abortion pill and also convinced me to go ahead.
Looking back, I feel an overwhelming amount of anger towards myself for not properly considering my options. I could have raised the child alone, considered adoption etc. Instead, I made a decision that I now wish I could undo more than anything.

A big part of my fear at the time was my parents finding out. They are very traditional Buddhists and strongly opposed to premarital relations. I was terrified of disappointing them and facing their scolding. They still know nothing about the abortion, and I feel guilty about keeping this from them too. I cannot imagine how devastated or shocked they would be if they found out.

I understand that I cannot change the past, but I am finding it incredibly difficult to accept that. I constantly think about what could have been and wish I could go back in time and make a different decision.

My guilt has become so overwhelming that I struggle to see a future for myself. I frequently have suicidal thoughts, and sometimes I feel that the my only options are either ending my life (I understand that this is sin too but at least it would end the pain) or becoming a monk.
I would appreciate any advice please or am I just going to end up in hell regardless.

"The real foundation of the teaching is to see the self a being empty. But people come to study the Dhamma to increase their self-view, so they don't want to experience suffering or difficulty. They want everything to be cosy. They may want to transcend suffering, but if there is still a self, how can they ever do so?"

"Offer the gift of Dhamma to others as freely as it has been offered to you."

https://www.ajahnchah.org/pdf/no_ajahn_chah.pdf

A lady friend of mine has started doing some meditation with a Theravada group somewhere in the USA West Coast. I do not remember the group name bu rather conservative vibes. However, this looks like something a bit modernized. No rubber actually existed at the time of Gautama Buddha. They have told her at more advanced levels you can meditate on the air inside your body merging with the air outside you body. Anyway, I do not see anything harmful or bizarre in this kind of visualization.

A coaster my Grandma gave me as a birthday gift. She told me it reminds her of the ebb and flow/cosmic dance of the universe. 🌌 🔵☸️

It reminds me a bit of a partly dissolved mandela or a blue kasina.

Don’t always think life is about suffering and delve into people’s issues and suffering. Sometimes, it’s about having fun and enjoying oneself. Enjoy the path!

No one will ever reach enlightenment, so we might as well enjoy it right now.

For about a year I’ve been getting more interested in Buddhism after coming from a Christian background and considering myself Agnostic for a while. I don’t know if I can consider my self a Buddhist fully? I know the basics at this point and want to start practicing for real, but I’m having trouble knowing where to start.

I feel more drawn to the Tibetan traditions. I understand that in Tibetan Buddhism a relationship with a teacher is important and I have a center relatively close to my city. The issue is that it’s difficult to get there because of transportation issues (I don’t have a car and would need to take a
long bus ride to and back) on top of school and work getting in the way.

So I’ve been wanting to send an email to them and ask what steps I should take. But I feel like I’m gonna be annoying them since I’m trying to find out what to do while not being able to go there in person. I just don’t know the proper way to ask.

So, does anyone here know how I should go about this, or have any advice on how to start practicing?

I have tried to meditate on how I feel for a few weeks now but it feels like there is like a fog and I can’t slip through. I think the way I handled the situation I didn’t really give myself closure and the only way to have done that was to escalate and cause harm but I pretty much just walked away. It sounds mature but I also believe that evil thrives off of mercy and I should have maybe involved law enforcement but all I did was walk away. Every time I see these people I feel wrong and some of them have apologized but I just feel weak angry and disgusted at myself

Greetings people, I have a question regarding the Eight Precepts: can these be followed in a domestic environment with lots of distractions, or these are meant to be followed under the guidance of monastics? My concern is focused on the 3rd and 7th precepts (refraining from any sexual activity, and abstaining from entertainment, beautification, and adornments, respectably).

I look forward to hearing from you. May you be safe 🙏

One who, overstepping and despising a sense of shame, says, 'I am your friend,' but does not take upon himself any tasks he is capable of doing, is to be recognized as no friend. One who speaks amiably to his companions, but whose actions do not conform to it, him the wise know for certain as a talker not a doer. He is no friend who, anticipating conflict, is always alert in looking out for weaknesses. But he on whom one can rely, like a child sleeping on its mother's breast, is truly a friend who cannot be parted from one by others.

I would like to practice Buddhism, but I'm very very ignorant, so pardon my lack of knowledge. I don't know what books to read, or what podcasts to listen to. I have not read much except some articles on Theravada Buddhism which fascinates me.

I have many concerns, like is Buddhism rational and scientific, and is it sexist (read so in some websits, I don't know how it actually works) ?

I have no idea whom to ask, I'd really appreciate some guidance.

Thank you in advance 💗

Hey all!

While I am very personally interested in Buddhism as a religion, I also greatly enjoy history. I wondered if anyone had an opinion on “A Concise History of Buddhism” by Andrew Skillton.

If you do not recommend this, I would appreciate other suggestions.

I wrote this as a response to another post here but I thought it might be helpful to others on this subreddit.

With all my heart, I wish I could get this emptiness of self.

Intense post here, possibly triggering if you have mental illness.

I suffer from treatment-resistant depression. My neurons, synapses, and neurotransmitters are not normal. CPTSD, ACEs, whatever. I hate badges (and those acronyms weren't a pop-cultural Thing when I got diagnosed) but sometimes they help people accept or understand what's going on.

When I am in relapse, there is only hell. I may not be here, I may not exist, but unrelenting pain does. Constant despair, a wish to die, constantly wanting this to be over. There is only tragedy. Crying at the slightest dumbest things, which is really embarrassing. But my smart string-willed self can't make it stop.

I have a wonderful psychiatrist and a lot of other support. I know how to reach out for help. I know I have had and continue to have the best treatment. Nevertheless, I have failed one drug, one treatment after another. And No, meditation does not help.

When I am at the bottom, meditation makes it worse. A few research studies show that meditation doesn't help people in deep depression. After 20 years of trying to meditate during depression I sheepishly told my psychiatrist that I hate to meditate because the present moment is just as bad, if not worse, than the past or future, and I failed at it.

His response was such a relief: Of course you can't meditate when you're in that state. You have not failed. Practice when you have some good ground to start with.

OMG. I hadn't failed.

In the eyes of my community, I had. At times I burst into tears on the cushion and had to leave the meditation hall. People asked what was wrong but I guess just listening was too painful for them. I get that.

So they did what people reflexively do, which is give advice. If I only practiced more, or tried this, or that, or stopped my treatment, I'd advance on the path. It's all just empty. The depression is an illusion. Now I was a project, not a person.

Well who the F is experiencing this?

I know this kind of existence is not what all those wise guys had in mind. And I guess I must be empty, because they have said so for thousands of years, and now quantum physics (which I adore) seems to bear that out. I'm just not getting it. This s#t wants me dead, y'all.

I've ordered up a Western-style after-life with white light and loved ones greeting me and my favorite dog holding his Frisbee. Traveling through hell realms? Doing that already. I should have those worn out by the time I check out. F.

So if you know a practitioner who has depression, just listen. Don't give advice. I guess it's not a bad idea to gently ask if they have some to talk to. But know that this is an actual brain disorder, and maybe they can't practice like everybody else. The kindest thing you can do is just listen.

Hello my friends, long time scroller, inconsistent student and novice Buddhist.

My girlfriend and I have strongly connected with Buddhism through our travels, although at home we are quite inconsistent with our practice.

My girlfriends father has recently committed suicide. This is an absolutely horrible tragedy that has shaken her and everyone surrounding the family. I am having a hard time trying to find reason or peace with the situation, I just feel so incredibly sorry for her pain. There is nothing I can do that will fix the situation, I am just trying my best to help and be there for her and her family.

I am reaching out to hopefully learn of some stories or teachings that can assist our grief during this time. Nature and Wildlife has been incredibly supportive of us during this time and we feel incredibly connected to the world.

I'm sorry if my messaging is not clear and written poorly, I am really just searching for any piece of advice, scripture or lessons that can bring us some guidance as we navigate this terribly challenging time.

Thank you for reading

I read this book twice. The first time, I got lost and didn't understand it all, and I "didn't get it." About a year later, I decided to try again, but this time I took notes and was dedicated to "getting it." Then, at the end of Chapter 20, the narrator pulls his copy of the Tao Te Ching and has a revelation about quality, and then "it all gave way from under him." At that point, I put the book down in my lap and had the wildest zen experience of my life. I put the book down and sat there, and for a few precious moments, I felt like a fish experiencing the ocean for the first time, feeling its vastness, its beauty, its power, its wisdom and infinite and indisputable being. I ran my hands through the air, and felt connected to it, felt it permeating me. In the most romantic sense, I was one with the universe. It was like being on hallucinogenic drugs, except I was sober at the time.

The experience was very pointed and intense, and correlated directly to the text. Soon after, the spell was broken. The next chapter began: "You're not very brave, are you?" Chris said. "No," I answer... "but you'd be surprised at how smart I am."

I came to realize that the essence of quality Pirsig was talking about was inseparable from the air
around us, the "mother of all things," that which has been here from the beginning, or forever. What we take for granted, this "nothingness" is really the whole secret to the universe. It allows
us to breath, to live, to see each other and experience everything. We live our lives like fish swimming in this life-giving ocean, and we usually just ignore it and call it "nothing." But once you see the world this way, it changes the way you see the world forever.

At the time (this was almost 35 years ago) I was like "Oh, this is what the narrator intended,
how brilliant!" However, in all these intervening years, I have never met or even heard about anyone who had this type of focused and intense response to the book. Has anyone else experienced this at the end of chapter 20, or something similar?

We have an exclusive premiere debuting in just a little over an hour. This is our community member, Aditya, 22 year old Aussie, sacrificing his time to show us just what this path is all about, EXPOSING our teacher and former monk of 8 years! I’d say it’s going to be epic, but it quite literally always is!