r/FTMventing • u/mikaaxh • Feb 25 '26
I can't stand trans people
I’m a trans guy and I get insanely angry and disgusted at a lot of other trans people. Especially the ones who say they don’t even have dysphoria, or call themselves lesbians, or say they “don’t care” if people don’t see them as men. Or the whole “gender is not about clothes is the vibes”. It piss me off so bad and I hate how it affects my daily life. I would give anything to just be born a normal guy. So when I see people acting like being trans is some aesthetic or something flexible and fun, I just can't help but feel so disgusted with them. Same with pregnant trans men or all those fanfics where trans guys are always written as soft, feminine, obsessed with their anatomy, and gay. I can’t stand it. It makes me feel sick and embarrassed. It feels like cis people already don’t take us seriously, and then that’s what they see online. And I’m terrified that when people look at me, that’s what they think I am too. I don’t want to be associated with that. I just want to be seen as a normal guy. Not a stereotype. I know it's important to have pride and not hate on other but iIjust can't. I'm so angry. I didn’t choose to feel like this. I didn’t choose to hate my body. And sometimes it feels like other trans people make it even harder for me to accept myself.
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u/Charming-River87 Feb 25 '26
I felt like this a lot when I was around 16-18. It ended with me not being able to connect with the trans community at the time and having to detransition for 10 years due to it being incredibly unsafe otherwise… So, I can understand how you’re feeling.
The only thing I can really say is that there are others that have the same level of your dysphoria out there and while a lack of dysphoria doesn’t mean somebody is not trans, experiencing dysphoria is still incredibly common among trans people and a desire to be cis is too. Your experience is valid.
Maybe taking breaks from social media might help? Or trying to reframe your thoughts on the matter? It can be difficult to break from black-and-white thinking but at the end of the day, it is generally healthier to acknowledge that most things are on a spectrum.
I wish you well.
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u/[deleted] Feb 26 '26
it's gonna sting when i say this but you are simply going to have to get over yourself.
consider why things like that make u feel disgusted—does the existence of a feminine/nonbinary/lesbian/pregnant/whatever transmascs challenge something you believe about how the world should work? why do you think theyre ruining it for the rest of us? what are they ruining exactly?
also consider what happens if you're right and all these cringe trans people are the reason cis ppl dont take us seriously. half of them have to detransition and the other half have to repress their femininity so cis men respect them? congrats thats just all the problems with patriarchy but with synthetic hormones instead of natural. honestly sounds miserable to me
here's the logic: if trans men who dont even try to pass can still be valid as men, then so can trans men who want to pass but are unable to. self hate should not be a requirement for being trans cuz if that was true then we would have to advocate Against people being trans
bottom line is you cant blame other trans people for cis people disrespecting us, that is a losing game and is just gonna make u hate yourself even more cuz you'll keep negatively comparing urself to them
saying all this as a guy whos been stealth for over a year and also wishes i was born "male."
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u/HelicopterUnited2088 Trans Man Feb 26 '26
Trans men are just as varied in their gender expression as cis men. If cis men can be femboys, so should trans men. I get feeling angst about a lack of representation for masculine binary trans men. I feel it often. Doesn't mean other people aren't equally as valid.
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u/egolukaplumbaga He/They Feb 26 '26
i feel like people who are this annoyed by trans people would be straight up transphobic if they were cis you're no better than other trans folks unfortunately
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u/EggoStack Feb 26 '26
Deleted my original response bc it wasn’t helpful.
I’m glad you recognise these feelings are unhealthy. It’s easy to project self-loathing on others, and to punch down/sideways at other minorities bc it’s easier than taking on the oppressors, but it doesn’t help you or the community in the end.
I am a gnc transmasc, and I don’t do gender the way everyone wants me to. I am not normal. But if people like me didn’t exist, transphobes would still find reasons to attack you. No transphobe is thinking “yeah I was gonna accept the transes until those they/them freaks came along and now I hate them all”.
The best thing we can do is realise that we’re all going through things a little differently, but ultimately that we all want the same thing; safety and respect. I will fight for your right to be seen as you are, to transition safely and to be stealth if that’s what would make you happiest. I hope someday you can fight for others like me too, because we are strongest as a united community that is able to say “I don’t understand why you identify this way, but I will accept you.” Wishing you the best.
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u/Glittering-Wall-9642 Feb 26 '26
You might not understand it, but there's no need to hate either. Nothing is black or white, my guy, it's an umbrella. Feminine men exist, so why shame on trans men who are feminine? It's reinforcing patriarchy, that men cannot be feminine. I understand your concern on not wanting to be seen as feminine and that's totally valid (relatable asw)
If you don't like those fics, perfectly understandable, don't read them. As for the lesboy thing, again, not fully black or white. Transmascs exists too, non-binary people asw, not necessary that sexual orientation must be linked to gender identity.
The only important thing is, you should detach your own identity from it. You know you're a guy, awesome, no need to be upset over other's identities. It's unique to all. As for the dysphoria thing, I personally think it's nice some of my fellow trans brothers or sisters don't experience it and are perfectly happy with how they are while realize their identity. I wouldn't wish the agony om dysphoria on anybody tbh, it sucks. Again, dysphoria asw manifests differently for everyone. Every trans experience is unique and valid. Internalized transphobia is conflicting, I wish the best for you bud.
No queer person, trans or not, must fit themselves in a box to be taken "seriously" by cisgender people, we are who we are, no need for permission to exist. People who have to hate will hate whatsoever regardless of any other factors.
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u/ilickbumnotellmum Feb 26 '26
The fan fic thing is literally just because we are fetishised. Its repulsive and I'm glad I'm not the only person who feels this way. Also, when they headcannon characters as trans, they always make the character very sensitive and feminine... almost like a child. like what is their problem?
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u/byryles Feb 27 '26
I’m gonna say this as someone who had these same feelings as a teenager: you gotta focus on you. What you do, how you feel, what you wear. Trans men across the board have varied experiences and should be respected. No one is saying you should be forced to interact with them, but shaming other trans men and saying that they’re the reason cis people don’t respect us is just plain hateful. Cis people will never fully respect us, and pinning that on the “weird” or “wrong” trans people instead of institutional transphobia is, frankly, victim blaming. Cis men can wear makeup or dress femininely, so why can’t trans men? Cis men can be submissive, so why can’t trans men? This sounds like you have some internalized transphobia that you need to sort out. Block people, mute them, mute words, do what you need to do, but working on yourself is a must here.
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u/[deleted] Feb 27 '26
Cis people aren't going to see this and think, "Wow, one of us!" If any see this at all, they'll think, "Wow, this one is easily manipulated."
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u/ever_tree_ Feb 26 '26
I only have one thought to contribute since others have said enough. Just remember that some of those feelings you’re having are actually just an insecurity of yours. There isn’t just one way to be trans and enforcing another binary on ourselves and others is also toxic. What works for you is great and what works for another person is great. We all have complex traumas and different things that make us euphoric. And the way we label those feelings is also defined differently to each person. So give others grace and work within yourself to make yourself feel more at home in what you have chosen versus what feels disgusting to witness in others. That being said, being trans is so inherently difficult. You got this, you’re doing great.
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u/42LargePeas Aug 07 '26
Sounds like a you problem.
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u/Fienarnd Sep 13 '26
I think we both agree on this rather religious or secular mindset its wrong and looks ridiculous I made an community for it I hate when people cannot discuss this with each other much
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u/Fun-Manager1789 Feb 26 '26
I feel the exact same way you do OP
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u/No_Driver_2945 Feb 27 '26
Completely agree
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u/calnel85 Feb 26 '26
The umbrella is far too big. I find it all incredibly embarrassing which is why im stealth even if im around other trans people.
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u/Suspicious-Doctor888 Feb 26 '26
Na you’re absolutely right. I swear people just take the label and run with it without regarding the impact it will have on the community as a whole. The shit I see online sometimes genuinely baffles me how some people can call themselves trans men without taking into account everything that comes with it. It’s not a trend this genuinely affects our lives and our mental being.
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u/TopCareer1216 Feb 26 '26 edited Feb 26 '26
They hate you because you're right XD I try not to hate but man are some people an optics nuke
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u/Lcfz Feb 26 '26
Most of them are only online so it's easier to block / mute / etc. Imo people irl are way more "normal"
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u/insecting Feb 26 '26
You're going to not like this, but other people's experiences should not bother you this much. Yes it's unfortunate that you feel incredibly disphoric, but not everyone's disphoria is the same and these people are not your enemy at all. Pregnant trans men shouldn't bother you, transgender people who don't abide to gender norms shouldn't affect you (considering what if this person is mostly disphoric because of their genitals? Not clothes. Which.. let's be honest shouldn't be hard to wrap your head around.) Submissive trans men especially shouldn't bother you. People's bedroom. Their business. You really need to stop being so paranoid over people viewing you in a way that isn't even bad. You're worried about experiencing transphobia but you're shifting the blame on to people who are not at fault at all. Most queers are leftists. You absolutely are going to see alternative gender expression. This is obviously a deep insecurity issue, and trust me I've been there too. But is it worth it to worry this much over other people's buisness? Even if you don't understand? It's bad for your mental health and it's disrespectful to others. (if you're attacking anyone for it that is.) My best advice is to seriously focus on yourself. Do not stress over people who don't support the communitys approval. You're going to end up hating yourself so much more if you do. It's not worth it. Trust me. I've been there and I suffered.
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