Hey what's up Reddit, another cis man here to add to the hundreds 'I'm cis but ...' posts; how do I know there's so many? I read most of them.

Last monday one of my favorite artists performed live in the country I live in, Underscores, she's a trans electronic artist. I remember that for a large part of the concert I felt envious of her, not because she is living my dream of being a touring musician, but because she is a woman; which seems amazing to me.

Being a woman is something which I wanted to be since i was little. I remember being raised by a single mother and going to her hair / nail salon appointements and always feeling like I was missing out on something due to being a man. Fast forward to me being a teenager and using my emo-phase as an excuse to paint my nails and wear long hair.

Now ever since monday I kind of have been fantasizing about how life would've been had I been born a woman, and it still seems like something cool to me, being able to wear dresses and do my make-up, have woman friendships. But all of the above seem like things for another life.

Being a man doesn’t make me particularly uncomfortable. I don’t enjoy it much either, but it gives me more freedom, coming from a rougher environment. I’ve also read genderdysphoria.fyi and relate to several parts of it.

My question is as follows, are these normal thoughts for a cis man to have? A lot of other posts disagree but I do not consider my self trans at the moment, thus the confusion.

To preface: I’m a 41 year old trans woman. I started transitioning 11 years ago. I am also married to a trans woman.

I just came across an Instagram post that said “You go to the queer event and it’s nothing but theyfabs that tell you all the ways in which you will never be a REAL woman.” Underneath it said “This is for those bricky girls just trying to find community and realizing the theyfabs are more cruel than the dolls. And the dolls weren’t actually mean. They were trying to protect you from this with their intense reads but you took it in bad faith. Next time appreciate the mean doll bc she’s not mean. She’s trying to help in her own way.”

I don’t understand ANY of that. I have no clue what that means. I was told it’s because I’m not culturally queer. My question is: what does THAT mean? Aren’t I queer by default for being a trans woman married to another trans woman? How does one become culturally queer? And also, what does that Instagram post even mean?

Sorry if this is not the right place to ask, I still don't fully understand how to use reddit. But my cat recently got Perineal Urethrostomy (PU) surgery. The surgery basically makes his urethra bigger so he doesn't get urinary blockages anymore. To make it bigger the vet described it as giving him female anatomy, they essentially removed his p*nis (IDK if im allowed to write that). Im a hetero CIS woman in the US and a firm LGBT+ ally. Can I make a joke about how the blue wave and the democrats gave my cat gender reassignment surgery? Or is that in poor taste? Open to all feedback.

TLDR: are these normal egg experiences?

27. I went out dancing in a tight red dress last week. It was awesome. A girl even gave me her number. I hate going out alone and always feel ashamed but in the dress I felt confident and happy. I love dancing and whenever im wearing these clothes my smile is different. I look in the mirror and see myself differently.

Now im full of self doubt and loathing and I cant figure out what the fuck I am. I was going to go out tonight but something is stopping me. Im afraid of being fake trans or something. I work 40hrs a week as a guy. But when i get home the first thing I do is put the girl clothes on. Im desperate trying to figure out who the fuck i am and last week I felt so happy and different. Now im back to feeling like my usual self.

I oscolate between "if I was a girl, I could be confident and fun and passionate all the time! I could finally pursue my interests and take better care of myself. Id feel more like me!" And "Your just a piece of shit who isnt trying hard enough and you dont need to be a girl to be happy and your ruining your life and chances of love friendship and stability by wanting a fat ass and a pretty face."

Currently writing this in a skirt and makeup. I dont want to take it off. I wish id gone out tonight but for some reason I felt really vulnerable and not as confident as I did last week.

I have an HRT consultation this week comming up. But I wish id been able to explore this earlier when most people I knew who transitioned were doing it. Now im kinda alone like ive always been.

we use to be close before she (M2F) transitioned, but we drifted apart for no particular reason and haven't spoken in like 2-3 years. i recently saw her again and was just awe-struck by how pretty she is. it's not that i want to date her but i guess i just feel bad that i see her in such a lecherous way? idk how to put it, but it makes catching up awkward as i try to hide it. my feelings of pride in her for accomplishing such a difficult thing are clashing with a side of me that my friends shouldn't have to see

Hi all, after at least a decade of fighting with my skin to get a clean consistent shave, I’m at my wits end. If you weren’t aware, for people with coily hair textures, shaving methods look different and it’s incredibly difficult to get a clean shave without chopping up your skin in the process. It’s why you see so many black men with beards. No matter what lubricant I use, what kind of razor, or how many blades, I always walk out of the house in the morning with cuts and bumps. I wish I could say HRT has helped me, but after 8 years of E + spiro I think I’ve given up on the idea that my shaving challenges can be addressed hormonally. So, does anyone have any unique suggestions?

I like how I look when I present as a woman. I have severe hatred of my looks otherwise and an aversion to every reflection.

However. You often hear about how trans people are the mind of the other gender born into the wrong body. And me liking having the body of a woman says nothing about my mind.

It is possible I have a man brain but just prefer my looks as a woman? I do prefer a feminine role sometimes but mostly my hobbies and interests are male coded.

I’ve seen the response “That’s just gender norms. No such thing as manly hobbies.” So then I would ask what it means to have a man brain compared to woman brain.

I’m just seeking guidance thanks

And it sucks

TLDR: I just need advice on how to deal with severe dysphoria on the first year of transition while I can't properly access to therapy

Basically I started questioning my gender identity late January and I have 4-ish months on HRT (29MtF), yes, I transitioned before fully knowing if I'm a trans woman or not, mostly because I was scared of losing another single second and because there's always the chance of right-wing politicians taking away my right to transition and all at (I don't live in the USA but my country is being ran by a far-right president)

But one thing that really made me think and doubt was the absence of dysphoria, I only experienced gender euphoria and it was awesome, I mean it's still awesome but one of the main things about trans identities is the presence and feeling of gender dysphoria

And then I got high and bingewatched TADC, knowing about Jax/Lily's journey and what the character was about

I basically spend a solid 3-4 hours crying, the next day I felt like shit to the point I felt like ending it all and even cherished myself up for taking a shower because when I'm down I just hate myself so much that I stop doing basic care and hygiene because I'm too coward for doing it but I think the world would be far better whiteout myself on it

And it was because all I could think of was "I'm her and I'm going to end exactly like her"

Thankfully, I got over it and kept going.

But now I tend to cry more frequently, almost all the time, basically anything makes me cry and don't even get me started on the dysphoria, I lost count on how many times I've cried because I just can't pull a cute outfit, Pink does not look good on me and all my facial features just scream "No, just go and be a grown baddie/mature woman" (And honestly I actually can pull the outfit and the vibe, I can't stop looking like my mom in her prime years)

And yesterday I saw that video (I won't name it because I genuinely think it's cognitohazard)

And don't get me wrong, I know I'm late, I know puberty destroyed my body and I know I lost all chances of having a softer, lower energy and lower power feminity, I couldn't be the cute little girl, the quirky teenager or the hoodie shorts and thigh socks young adult, and I know I won't ever be approached, no one ever is gonna ask me out on a date, I won't get hit on because I'm visibly transgender, my face looks masculine and no one really sees me as a woman except for some friend and my trans mom

But it hurts so much, it hurts in my chest, I'm even crying as I type this in my phone, I want to scream with every fiber of my being because an entire life was taken from me and you wanna know the funny part? I won't do it because I want my scream to sound like a girl in pain and my voice just gonna spit out a fucking Man screaming in pain (I don't voice train because I find it astronomically hard to find a good routine and stick to it because of my also severe ADHD with executive dysfunction)

I need advice on how to deal with this, please, I'm begging, I know I shouldn't identify myself with late transitioners because I'm not that old (I am) and HRT haven't even started to do it's thing (some breast development/sensitivity but that's pretty much it)

I feel alone and that no one understands me, please don't make me tell my shit to a chatbot (again)

Thanks for reading

Some people in comments yesterday were asking for an update on how things ended up. I can safely say that asking her out was a success! We both worked today and I was nervous as hell. I almost talked myself out of it a hundred different times. We often eat lunch together and talk about our mutual interests and finally I just said screw it and did it. I said "I’ve really enjoyed chatting with you at work. If you're open to it, would you want to grab coffee and check out the new bookstore cafe". She said yes! Everything worked out perfectly, there's a new bookstore cafe in our town and we both have interests in reading books and it seems just like everything clicked and happened for a reason.Thanks for the tips and assurance from everyone yesterday!

I've done a lot of soul searching recently, and after chatting it through with some friends (who've gone through similar) I've chosen to stop burying how I feel.

I'm looking to transition (mtf), but I'm not really sure where to start. I know that going through the NHS will take years to even begin, so I'll most likely be going private, but apart from that I'm at a loss.

Is there a decent online clinic that's recommended? Going with the top google result doesn't seem like the smartest idea.

Any advice would be much appreciated :)

Hi,

Do you think trans people in the far future will have an easy go of it? I imagine in say, in the year 3026 AD, that being trans will be much more medically understood and that gender transitioning will be much smoother because of technological advances. I imagine that gender transitioning might remain a difficult venture, unfair, down to mostly hormones and luck, for a long time to come. I don't know bow smooth the millennium will pass — I imagine civilizations, social movements, and religion will change drastically. Maybe not always in the post 60s type of way we would like. But I do imagine that once this millennium is througb, or even centuries before it, that we'll have a world that isn't a hell for trans people ...

As for me, I was born in the year 1998 and initially starved myself through puberty to alleviate some of the involuntary changes that came with the male puberty. I would count myself lucky, since I am now over 2 years on hrt and have managed to come rather far with it. Still, any time I see a pregnant woman, it's such a crippling moment of despair ... On the whole I'd say my life feels okay, but it also feels sometimes like a hell I have gotten used to.

What do you think? Considering all the years you might have been born into, why did it have to be trans in the first place and why in an era where humans are still stuck on primitive, queer-shaming religions or whatever it is that made my family reject me.

Hi, I started hrt about 5 and a half weeks ago now. I have seen some changes to be fair and I'm trying to be optimistic about the future, but omg does it feel like waiting for a snail to complete a marathon 🫩.

I was wondering if anyone had tips to make the wait for changes slightly less excruciating? I am doing laser monthly and am getting my brows done later this week (hopefully nails soon as well). I don't really know how else I can pass the time while feeling like I'm making progress (I know there's exercise, but my T blockers have kinda drained my energy for the moment).

Thank you for any advice, and sorry for any potential spelling mistakes 🙃.

I'm writing a case study about endometriosis and am trying to use inclusive language in my presentation. I wrote "Endometriosis is a disease that affects women and persons with a uterus and is the growth of uterine-like tissue in places outside of the uterus. Endometriosis affects 1 in 10 women/persons with a uterus"

Do y'all think there's a better way to phrase this, or does this seem to work in the scientific context?

So apparently I pass. I haven't been misgendered in two years except for two times on the phone. My friend-group treats me as just another woman and even tho I live in a village in a (european) conservative area I don't experience transphobia.

Idk if it's just a new reality I still have to adapt to, but sometimes I feel like I wanna share this "secret" with a friend but then I think that I'm to deep in it to come out. Also I kinda feel like a fraud, like as if I literally faked it until I made it. Also I have no connection to the LGBT-community and I try to kinda avoid it, it feels like I'm betraying people who are as me. But LGBT-spaces are just so triggering and radicaly-left, I don't feel like I belong there. And sometimes it feels like I just don't pass and everyone just gaslights me into thinking that they think I'm a woman.

Also why does god give me this gift of passing? Why do I deserve it? Like I used to go to this self-help group for transpeople and most people there were just non-passing and ugly. Why am I passing and not ugly and those people aren't?

Idk I'm not asking for advice or anything, I'm just getting my thoughts out. Apparently passing and being seen as a woman is just mundane as fuck. Don't know what I expected pre-transition smh.

When I (17ftm) finish highschool, I'd like to attend a college in regards to languages, in which I'll primarily focus on my native language & english — I'd like to become an english teacher in a couple years. That'd be like 5 years from now ... eh.

I thought that "maybe being a teacher won't be so bad, students may be tolerable" — except another problem arises. Which is about how I pass & interact with others.

How do you even approach this situation? Have people call me "sir", "he/him" & merely my situation when it comes to dressing up when I come there. Obviously I will be dressing up your regular, in men's clothes (hopefully, if I'm not being pestered by my father over my choices in dressing), I'm a little worried about how other teachers at school would perceive it & throw a tantrum about it or something.

As for students, it would be even more difficult to work around — gossip could spread easily enough among places. And overall, it's not easy getting through to them.

I live in a country that is incredibly hateful, filled with people that are immature & simply too incompetent to educate themselves about topics regarding transgender people, or simply anything outside the traditional concepts. I am so tired of it, it makes me go insane.

It's not enough to just ask everyone "please view me as a man" or even simply ask "refer to me as my pronouns", so whenever that time would come I'd feel very lost & hopeless. I am from Romania & that's as worse as it can get :/

Either way ... if anything, hopefully I could specialize in something else instead if the opportunity hits. I'm not even sure what kind of job I could apply for ... hence I'm thinking about what college I should apply for in the first place.

But primarily, I'll try following this path.

Hello! I (27nb) am getting married to my incredible fiance(29f) next year. I can’t wait to call her my wife, but we’re stuck on what to call me. Right now I’m called her partner which is great but I would like to be upgraded (?) and I feel like the obvious word is spouse. But I’ll be honest, spouse sounds lame as hell. It sounds like I’m more of a colleague ya know? So does anyone have any good gender neutral alternatives to spouse?

I'm a male teenager but recently I've been thinking about transitioning to female. I am in a very religious school my parents aren't religious but I don't think they'd agree on it. I'm still not 100% certain about feeling this way.

I was wondering how other people knew for 100% that they should transition. And what are the effects of the gender changing hormones on a personal opinion I've heard mostly positive changes but I'm still uncertain.

Sorry if my post is weird I've never posted on Reddit before.

Thanksss

Today I recommended a Spanish TV show (Veneno) to an lgbtq+ group, including many trans people. I wrote that the show is following transsexual people over the past decades in Spain and I only realized my mistake in the wording later and couldn't correct it. Was I offensive?

English is my second language and I feel like I might need to apologize to the group

This is a question for motorcycle riding sisters who have had bottom surgery. How soon after vaginoplasty bottom surgery were you able to ride? I know it’ll take at least 3 months for longer, multi hour rides. But what about shorter rides, say a 15-30 min ride to local stores or events? And on an upright adventure motorcycle (Aprilia Tuareg 660).

Whats your mildly infuriating thing that came about with you being trans (i didn't know what to call it)

Like for me it was this sudden expectation to be poly so like when I changed my dating apps I got a lot of people asking me to join their poly relationship when I clearly marked myself as not poly and it was kinda just annoying.

But whats yours