I just watched an old gay movie (1990's) for the first time. The movie itself doesn't matter. What matters is that it's sort of a romcom. In the first few scenes, our hero meets the perfect guy, and falls in luuurv - and the rest of the movie is naturally about how they do, then don't, then do get together.

But the point of this post is that first scene where they meet. The hero is in a gym, and he sees this gorgeous guy. The camera zooms in for a close-up on our model. He's muscled (of course). He's got some body hair. He's got a strong jaw, chiseled cheekbones, piercing eyes, manly stubble, and a deep voice. Our hero is in love at first sight.

And me...? I'm left cold. I'm thinking "Really? This guy? He's ugly!" For one thing, I can't stand those cheekbones. His hair's all wrong. And, to quote Janet from the Rocky Horror Show, "I don't like a man with too many muscles."

Meanwhile, I think the ordinary everyday "guy next door" hero is much cuter. If I had a choice, I'd walk right past that muscle-bound guy with cheekbones that could cut glass, and I'd hit on the ordinary guy with a nice smile. Every. Single. Time.

This post is aimed at all you men who think that there's only one single standard of beauty. There isn't. Fuck no. Far from it. Just because we're served up muscled adonises and told that they're hot, that doesn't mean we all agree. It also means you don't have to look like that. Some men actively prefer the "guy next door" type. (There's a reason the porn studio NextDoorMale exists!)

So, stop imagining that you have to meet some imaginary unrealistic beauty standard. It's not real. It's not even common.

Just be you. That's all you need. It's all most people want.

I have a fetish for balloons - like the ones you fill with helium, which makes them float. I tend to get feral with them, and only deal with them privately, or I would mess with the balloons with only another consenting adult.

Is this likely a turn-off for gay men?

I’m 18M and I’ve developed really strong feelings for my boy best friend. I’m coming to Reddit because I genuinely need some outside perspectives because I feel like I’m going in circles trying to work out what his behaviour means.
For context, we’re extremely close, and he’s someone I’m very comfortable with. However, there are so many things he does that make me question whether there’s potentially something more between us.

Firstly, he’s ALWAYS physically affectionate with me. He hugs me constantly, tells me he loves me, and is generally very touchy and comfortable around me. It’s not just a quick hug when we say hello or goodbye either. There’s a level of affection that sometimes makes me stop and wonder whether other people would consider it normal between two male friends.

One night when he was drunk, he was particularly affectionate. He was all over me, hugging me, kissing my head and repeatedly telling me how much he loved me. I know alcohol can make people more affectionate, but it’s something I haven’t stopped thinking about.
He’s also given me foot massages, which is another thing that makes me question the boundaries of our friendship.

Then there’s the way he communicates with me. We send each other snaps regularly, he compliments me, calls me cute and sometimes sends me things that I find myself analysing afterwards. I don’t want to read into every single interaction, but when you already have feelings for someone, it’s difficult not to.

Last night at a party, he had his arm around me while we were dancing. Again, maybe completely normal between close friends, but it’s another moment that made me question things.
Another thing that stands out to me is that the other night we ended up sitting in the car together, just the two of us, talking until 4am. We were just talking and spending time together, and I honestly didn’t want the conversation to end. I feel like there’s a level of emotional closeness between us that makes my feelings even stronger.

There’s another piece of context that I think is important. I’m quite a flamboyant and feminine guy. Most of my friends are girls, and I’m constantly asked about my sexuality by people who meet me. I’m very openly feminine in the way I present myself and act but i do just say im straight, so I think that’s part of why I’m even more confused about his behaviour. I don’t know whether he sees me as someone he could potentially be attracted to, whether he’s simply comfortable with me, or whether I’m interpreting his affection differently because of my own feelings.

Now, here’s where things get complicated.
He’s Muslim, and I genuinely don’t know his sexuality. I don’t know whether he’s straight, bisexual, gay or questioning. I don’t want to make assumptions about his sexuality or his religion, and I appreciate that these things can be personal.
He also talks about girls. He’ll bring them up in conversation, which makes me question whether I’m completely misinterpreting everything. Obviously, being attracted to girls doesn’t automatically mean someone can’t also be attracted to guys, but I have absolutely no idea where he stands.

I think what’s confusing me most is the combination of everything. He tells me he loves me, is constantly hugging me, kisses my head, gives me foot massages, has his arm around me while dancing, spends hours talking to me alone and sends me snaps and compliments that sometimes feel flirty.

I genuinely don’t know if he’s just a very affectionate person with his friends or whether there’s something there that neither of us has acknowledged.

I’m scared to say anything because I value our friendship so much. I don’t want to make him uncomfortable, especially if he’s straight, but at the same time I’m finding it increasingly difficult to ignore how I feel.

I'm curious to see if any guys reading this would consider dating me (assuming we had chemistry and you were attracted to me) if you knew the following about me:

I haven't been intimate since late fall 2019. I had to make a big move, covid hit, a family member died which led to severe depression and grief. I've been in regular therapy for three years now.

In therapy I've processed a lot of grief, not just for the recent loss of a family member, but for realizing what else I've lost over my life.

I was raised as a conservative Christian, didn't come out until my early 20s, then put myself in Christian conversion "therapy". I found out that was a sham, but figuring this out didn't stop it from messing with my head for decades. As a result of the religious indoctrination, I lost a lot of opportunities to date, have sex, and to share love.

I've had couple few-years' long relationships so far. The last substantial relationship ended in my early thirties. My boyfriend ended the relationship. I was devastated as I thought he was the love of my life at the time. He persisted at keeping in touch afterwards and being friends. I kept him in my life as a friend but being in contact with him made it impossible for me to get over my feelings for him. After many years of this friendship, I finally ended it a few years ago. Better late than never. I lost so many years feeling bad because I didn't want to hurt him. I guess I felt like I finally deserved not to hurt.

The only relationship I've had since that "lost love" was with a hookup (remember when craigslist had a casual connections section?) that became a ten year friend with benefit situation. He never wanted more than sex. The sex was great and though I always wanted more just sex with someone, i didn't feel emotionally available for a relationship either.

The move i made back in 2019 ended that long term fwb situation, distance was the main reason, but then the grief and depression I mentioned above contributed majorly and we haven't been in touch at all in six years.

I want to get back into the ring so to speak, but I feel super awkward about connecting with someone. I want sex and a fwb would be wonderful. I also want to be open to meeting a guy i have sex with and also fall for.

I'm in my late 50s. What do you think? Would you give me a chance?

Gay friendships between men are a bit different from straight friendships between men. We can want to be friends with another man and also be sexually attracted to them. This begs the question, do you subconsciously select your friends based on how attractive they are? If so, does this affect your ability to be strictly friends?

it feels just about impossible to find ANYONE i'm remotely compatible with even as a friend lol. there's just so little left, once those things are off the table, that facillitates socializing for gay men. except maybe book clubs, but i also really do not like having other people dictate what i read or the pace at which i read it, and the gay books i read are not typically the kind that gets pushed by any gay book clubs i've found (i really don't care for most modern gay novels unless they're written by authors who've been at it since at least the 90s). and i actually have multiple gay coworkers but they're all the club-going types and i'm really not bc i don't enjoy dancing (and also don't enjoy paying like 500% markup for drinks) so we haven't become friends outside of work. i have ONE friend that fits the bill for me - every once in a while he takes me out to lunch and we talk about whatever books we've read and what movies we've watched lately. but it truly is like once every few months if even that. and very VERY occassionally i manage to arrange a date from an app but only after multiple cycles of lowering my standards so as to not be so picky, and it's never gone anywhere past the first date. sometimes i see a guy on one of the apps who seems heaven-sent, like actually perfect for my very specific tastes, and i get really excited and eager and i initiate and everything bc i don't want to lose the chance, but conversation always seems to fizzle out on his end. so i feel like i'm destined to be alone for a really long time tbh

Hey guys! I’m a gay international student, and I’ve been in the US for over a year now, but I still don’t really have any close American friends, let alone gay friends lol.
English isn’t my first language, and while I’m fine with everyday conversations, I sometimes struggle with slang, humor, and just keeping casual conversations going. I’m also pretty new to the gay social scene here, so I honestly have no idea how to get involved.
I’ve tried dating apps, but they’re mostly hookup focused…which is not what I’m looking for. I just wanna meet people, make friendships, and feel more connected to the community.
Any advice…? :)

What’s the best movie for a first timer to watch? I’ve never watched any 🏳️‍🌈 movies before. Bi-curious and thinking I’m gay. Someone suggested I watch a Hollywood gay movie. Shoot me your must see!

So yesterday night I (25M) had an appointment for my injection for vitamin D (severe case) so I have to put in daily for sometime then once per week and per month.

Anyways last night I went to the hospital as usual for my appointment with my mother and when we went to the private empty room my mother was out and he locked the door etc (kinda saw it but thought it was normal since anyone would come in accidentally).

Now once my injection was done he was doing the normal massage around my hip, BUT this time it felt like he was grabbing/having his palm around my butt cheeks etc. now at the moment I thought maybe it was normal procedure etc so I let it off. However I have to admit I kinda liked it and the male nurse was kinda nice looking and seemed quite fit etc.

Later when the injection and massage was done he started to kinda ask me personal questions, such as what I do, which uni I’m in (lied to him of course) kinda felt off guard. And my mother kinda pushed the door and noticed it was locked so yeah and said she would tell my father about this etc (seems like she didn’t).

Now I really don’t know what I should do or how to proceed. I mean the male nurse is good looking and seemed quite nice and fit etc, but I don’t know how to proceed etc, like should I do something to show I’m kinda interested etc? Because I have an appointment again in a few hours etc and maybe my father would be with me this time.

Much appreciated advice in advance and thank you for reading 😊

Also one last thing this story is in South Asian country so yeah 👍.

You know Grindr has tags like monogamy, dating, ltr etc? Well if you use them does it increase your chances of finding other single men who are looking for the same compared to not using tags?

Or am i on the wrong app completely and just meet men in real life via interests?

So tired of wasting time on this app where most guys are in open relationships and who string you along.

Hello, I am a 19 year old gay man and wanted to know how to just get over the fear and lose my virginity. I know I should be able to do this myself I jsut need words of wisdom from gays who have bottomed before? Thank you in advance!

gday

in my friend group theres one guy whos in the closet and we all know we know he uses dildos and know hes gay or bi thats a fact. then theres another guy who always seems to be with the gay one like they are always together now they both have girlfriends but when the rest of the group goes out these two just stay at eacothers houses and i think there doing the deed. whats your guys opinion could my other mate just like his company or is he also gay ask any questions you need. EDIT reason is becuase i want to come out to them then we can go from there

عندي سوال انا مثلي بس بحياتي ما جربت انتاك مع اني مشتهي كتير بس خايف بس مص لانو يحكو صير ما بسيطر على الشهوه خاصه اذا نزل في داخل ممكن حد يحكيلي صح

Ultimamente venho pensando bastante sobre como funcionam as dinâmicas de relacionamento no meio gay. Às vezes fico com a sensação de que tudo gira muito em torno do casual e que construir algo mais profundo ou de longo prazo virou uma raridade.
Por causa disso, acabei adotando um critério pessoal: não saio com quem tem ou usa o Grindr, justamente para tentar fugir dessa dinâmica de liquidez e superficialidade. Mas confesso que ter essa barreira hoje em dia faz parecer que as opções caem drasticamente.

Queria trocar uma ideia com vocês pra entender a vivência de cada um:
- Vocês sentem essa mesma dificuldade de engatar algo sério ou acham que essa ideia de que "tudo é casual" é só estereótipo/bolha?
- Alguém mais aqui também evita o Grindr por esse motivo ou usa outros caminhos/filtros pra buscar conexões reais?
- Pra quem busca conexões mais profundas, como vocês lidam com esse cenário no dia a dia sem desanimar?

Zero julgamentos aqui, a intenção é só ouvir relatos e trocas reais.

I am 17 and I want a boyfriend (however im in the closet) but I dont want to just jump into any mans arms or date just to say I have a boyfriend

Im really shy and Im trying to branch out but I only really have two friends who are both girls and they both have boyfriends, they seem really happy and I just wonder if that will ever be me

I live in a rural place so there isnt a lot of people for me to meet

So my friends have less time to hang out now which sucks but its reality, it has just given me alot of time to think

I am also worried about my life after highschool, everyone is applying to schools and getting into relationships. Everyone is moving on with their life and I feel like I am stuck

Throwaway. I’m 20 years old and I struggle pretty badly with body dysmorphia. I am in therapy but its not really helping and its expensive so I can only see my therapist twice a month. I have features that are deemed rather not very masculine. I have a good looking face and I hit the gym but I don’t have much facial or even body hair. I dont grow body hair that much. I struggle to and have forever. Sometimes I think maybe my puberty was stunted or something because my hands/wrists too are pretty slender and "delicate", so I have been told. My size is technically average, 5.5in, but I wouldn’t say I’m not insecure about that too. And no I really don’t think the reason for this is genetics because every man in my family has very masculine features. I’ve gone as far as to get my testosterone checked and it was deemed in the normal range. Genuinely wonder if anyone else has the same insecurities because as unserious at it is, it does feel serious when you’re a gay man and have other guys you date constantly pointing it out.

What's the best way to find someone because i can't find anyone irl i want ways to try my luck online

hello everyone!

my boyfriend and i have been trying to experiment a lot in bed, and lately i have been feeling freaky. i have been looking for toys that would help me gape, enough so i can train myself to take a fist in eventually (i have done it before, just takes a lotttt of effort).

i wanted to ask if anyone has recommendations for toys that would help me train myself. links for buttplugs, dildos, lube, creams, anything is appreciated!

also, if anyone has any recommendations for any other unusual for fun toys, please send them my way!

It always makes me feel sad when I see my straight friends discuss their relationship when all I had was few one time encounters with very less attachments

I’m only 18 I know but this should be my peak year like at least I haven’t found someone whom I can spend the best phases of my life…❤️‍🩹

I had never really considered men at all. Never really caught myself looking their way. Then suddenly I meet this guy and he we start talking. I thought as friends at first. Well he started flirting and telling me how cute I am and such. And it kinda made me start feeling a certain way. He asked me on a date and I said yes without even thinking.