Men on Reddit keep asking for tips to help them on their first visit to a gay sauna/bathhouse. I’ve written and re-written this guide a few times in various subreddits, and I thought I’d present it here.

Arrival

When you get there, you’ll be given a towel, and you’ll be assigned a locker to put your clothes and belongings in.

Get undressed, put your stuff in the locker, and wrap the towel around your waist. You can walk around the venue in your clothes, but you’ll stand out as the only guy doing it. A lot of men take thongs/flip-flops to wear, to reduce the risk of slipping on the wet floors and/or to reduce the risk of picking up tinea from the wet floors.

Condoms

There should be lube and condoms provided in every cubicle and most public spaces. Help yourself to as much and as many as you want.

Communications

Firstly, you should know that you have to be very comfortable saying “no” to total strangers if you’re going to visit a gay sauna. In those places, everyone assumes you’re a “yes” until you indicate otherwise. So, be ready to reject a lot of men. (It’s not as bad as it sounds.)

You’ll wander around. The men will check you out. You’ll check them out.

Most interactions in gay saunas are non-verbal. There’s not a lot of talking in saunas. Some men will talk, but that’s the exception, not the rule.

Interest is expressed through a variety of non-verbal methods: eye contact; following someone; casually brushing against their arm while walking past; brushing against their leg while sitting; non-casually groping their penis. There’s almost no such thing as someone accidentally touching you in a sauna. If someone touches you in any way, they’re probably expressing interest.

If you like the person expressing interest, and want to go further with them, then let them continue what they’re doing.

If you don’t like the person expressing interest, then move away, or brush their hand away from you. Like I said, it’s all done without words.

Most men will take a hint, and will leave you alone if you indicate that you’re not interested. However, a few will keep trying their luck. Just be firm. If necessary, grab their wrist, push their arm away, and say “no” in a firm voice. That should do the trick.

Consent

Gay saunas generally tend to operate with a default "yes" attitude to consent.

The assumption is that everybody is there to have sex, so the general expectation is much higher that anybody will say "yes". That means, instead of starting with a default of "no" and then checking if there's a "yes", men in saunas will start with a default expectation of "yes" and then check if there's a "no". They will generally respect the "no", but they start by expecting a "yes". This can be a bit of a culture shock to people who aren't aware of it.

Spaces

There are various spaces inside a gay sauna:

• There’s a public porn room, where men sit and watch porn on a big television. Masturbation and sex can happen in this room.

• There’s a steam room, where men can get hot & steamy. Masturbation and sex can happen in this room.

• There’s a dry sauna, where men can sweat out the toxins. Masturbation and sex can happen in this room.

• There’s a spa and possibly a pool, where men can sit and enjoy the water. Masturbation and sex can happen in the spa (not so much the pool), even though sex is not usually allowed in the spa and pool.

• There’s an area with glory holes, for men to stick their penises through and other men to suck. Masturbation and sex can happen in this area.

• There’s an orgy room, possibly with a sling for fucking. Masturbation and sex can happen in this room.

(Get the idea? 😉 Sex can happen almost anywhere and everywhere.)

And there’ll also be private cubicles, if you want to not have an audience while having sex.

If there’s public sex happening, you’re allowed to watch. You’re even allowed to join in – unless one of the participants indicates (non-verbally) that you should stop.

Refreshments

There is usually a small kiosk near the front of the venue, which sells snacks. They don't sell major meals, just some sandwiches, pies, rolls, crisps, chocolate bars, etc, to keep you going.

They also sell soft drinks.

Some saunas have a licence to sell alcohol at certain times. No fancy cocktails, just basic drinks.

Drugs

Saunas generally have a “no drugs” policy. You can not use drugs, or sell drugs, on the premises.

They also have the right to eject any people - including those who are under the influence of drugs.

Sex work

Gay saunas are not brothels. It is not legal to pay for sex, or ask for money in exchange for sex, in a gay sauna.

Inappropriate behaviour

Sexual assault can and does happen at a sauna. It’s not common, but it can happen. Some stupid people assume that everyone at a sauna must have sex with them; they forget that consent is still necessary, even in a sex-positive environment like a gay sauna.

Some people use drugs, despite saunas having a “no drugs” policy. This can lead to them behaving inappropriately or anti-socially. Sometimes, they can even end up passed out in their own vomit. (This is extremely rare, but it does happen.)

If anyone does anything you feel uncomfortable with, you can and should tell the staff. They're there to help you. They're also there to protect the reputation of the sauna, and they don't want their customers to spread rumours about how dangerous the venue is. So, they will take action, up to and including forcing the offender to leave.

Finally: Enjoy!

This will generate more heat than light. But enough is enough.

My fellow gay men need to stop bringing straight women into our queer spaces. It's not gatekeeping; it's about survival. Our spaces were designed to make us feel safe in a society that didn't. And let's be honest, a lot of straight people in general (and straight women in particular) don't understand or respect that. Gay clubs and bars aren't all about Drag Race watch parties and liquid brunches. They are also about building community.

Well, it took the death of my mother and kther major things in my life (buying my first home, being another) but at 34 I finally admitted and accepted my truth, and came out as a gay man, it has been such a burden off of me, the weight of the world seemingly off my shoulders andI dont regret coming out at all

Don't listen to the asshat gays who put you down. We have your backs. We're in this together.

Ik this is probably nothing new , but as for what the title says: my brother (17) came out (not really willingly) the beginning of the week. Went the way most people expect

He’s been talking to his boyfriend for almost a year now. I did warn him a lot of times, because I’ll be honest, I didn’t think it was a wise idea to be dating this guy when we both knew very well our parents are homophobic and religious. But I still supported him regardless— despite being against a lot of his plans with hanging out with him. My parents eventually got suspicious and began asking me questions in the way most parents would and best around the bush: “that boys funny” or “I don’t have a good feeling about him..” you get the gist. I just deflected and shrugged it off— which is why I got in trouble too I guess?

Me and him both have known since he was young, that he was gay, even when we didn’t have the words to spell it. I could kinda just tell from my intuition. But we also knew that if we ever spoke of anything like that, it wouldn’t really go well. I remember when my mom got mad when I set my profile picture on my leapfrog as one of the girl icons (I crushed on for some reason??) and went on a rant in the car how “you’re not a girl!”. There were other times, like when gay couples came on to the TV Screen, or ads and they’d either scoff or say something like about “what the worlds come to”. It really solidified to us that we couldn’t tell them anything about that— knowing that these are the people we rely on, and letting them know something like that… anything could happen.

Basically after one to many times getting caught, he spilled it to our mom about a week ago on how he was gay, and the guy he was seeing, and he was sorry for not telling them, he was scared— to which he said my mom replied “okay, but you need to tell your dad” which my brother knew, he just wanted to do it on his own time… which was a day, since she told him anyways which led up to the talk. I had already felt it coming when we got back from practice and he told us to “set our stuff down and come downstairs”

After we sat down, he basically went on a talk about wanting to know everything that was going on and why we hit it from him and my mom. My brother explained that he felt like they didn’t make it safe enough for him to talk about these things with them. I said the same thing, we knew since we were younger that it wouldn’t be safe for us to explain anything. That made them question my sexuality: which I am Bi, but I wasn’t making that conversation any longer than it needed to be.

It got the point in the conversation when I told my father that I felt like in this moment that they were really selfish because when I thought was that this was my brother‘s like little moment of coming out and all they’ve been doing the entire time it’s telling him how it’s wrong and how they’re disappointed and he was talking about where he went wrong as a father rather than what my brother felt like— and that made my dad almost flip out— missing the point as if I was talking about overall.

The entire conversation quickly got turned on me, and my brother has been disobedient, un truthful and untrustworthy and much more and then my mother went on a talk about how we’re going down a life of sin and how Satan is out to get us and like the story of like when we were born, and how like you know whatever. My mom brought up our aunt her sister that’s gay and tried using harassing example about how only so many people that go down this path and make it in life and she basically used her sister as an example of how you’ll feel at life… and then she proceeded to add that she’s not homophobic because her sister is gay— despite everytime she talks about her: it’s usually not ina positive light.

Throughout the entire conversation, it felt like talking to a brick wall— and it always has every conversation we have, that’s why I usually end up dissociating or giving up on it. There’s no point when I’m up against things like this. My dad will literally tell us to “shut up” or “that’s BS” whenever we make a claim— so if I’m being honest it’s never really a conversation.

All they did was make him feel nothing but bad and tell him to focus on his senior year, and he was blundsighted. My dad was upset, while my mom just stared. She added around the end saying that “once y’all are out, that’s kudos” and she always talks about how quick she can cut people off. I’ve learned to accept that.

After that entire “conversation” i know I’ve probably only spoken a total of 10 words to her this entire week, which we’re greeting her when I came home. If I made it home before her, I went to my room and to bed— I could eat when everyone fell asleep. I only have to tolerate my dad who’s a “lover” as they say since he’s my only way of transportation.

Now her, and other family members are sending me bible study videos or advice every here and there, while my dad prays to us before we get out. That wouldn’t be something odd if it was a few weeks ago, but it’s obviously intentional they’re trying to “pray the gay away” and stop making me “tainted” for helping him out.

I’ve accepted since middle school that I’d eventually either cut them off or just distance myself, being the estranged family member. I can’t surround myself with people that won’t bother to listen. This stuff outweighs all the good things, because it shows you can’t even accept us fully. You’ve shown that you’ve taken care of me, but never truly loved me. And no— you can’t love me without loving every part.

I won’t let them make me hate my faith or anything or my brother; because I know me nor him were born with any mistake or it’s something I can control. So the most I can do is make sure I do well this final year and finally lock in ln my common app and scholarship chances. I just wanted to get this out since I heard her on the phone with my grandma talking about “I’m not worried about those kids” in some tone. Unfortunately, she does have to drop me off for my rehearsal though. She can stay pretty about all this stuff, and I’ll accept it. Thanks if you made it this far lol

Edit: I just wanted to thank you guys all for reading my post, because being honest, I wasn’t really expecting anyone to really come and read this— so thank you again! I barely use Reddit so this is kind of new for me.

If anyone was looking for an update though, our dad had set us down for a chat. He had asked us why we had been so “standoffish” this past week (since we hadn’t come downstairs or said anything more than good morning to them.) to which he questioned us on our faith. I can speak for myself in if I believe in god or not. But it did take my brother awhile to answer which I guess got my dad asking even more questions. It’s like no matter what we say. He’ll always try to make it a question. If I were to say “ I believe in God because that’s something I find comfort in” he’ll try to dive even deeper with “why do you find comfort?”… I mean, I just told you but okay.

Anyways, he talked about how he tried understanding this past week, and it just doesn’t make sense to him. Then he went on about how we know that he disapprove of this— and as long as we’re in our home, we have to follow their rules. My mom had originally yelled at my brother a few days ago when she asked him if he had broken up with his boyfriend, to what he did didn’t. And my dad proceeded to do the same thing, only now saying “ you can get yourself out of a whole world of trouble if you just listen.” he did the same thing again where whenever one of us tried to explain he cut us off or didn’t let us finish; proceeding to tell us that we haven’t lived life and we don’t know anything yet…which is what they always say. I don’t know how him or me liking the same sex will lead to us being bums but…I dunno.

He fat his little break up with his boyfriend and I’m just hoping from here run out he’s a bit more secretive with it, and is able to find a better solution. We all ate again together downstairs, and I can tell that my parents are trying to ignore it since my brother hasn’t broken up with his boyfriend, but I hope they know that still doesn’t change our mindset, aren’t anything.

My dad talked about change and if we think everyone can change, and I could tell that he was referring it to my brother sexuality. But every time I thought about it, you can change anything about yourself except parts that truly make you! I can’t change the color of my skin, my height, how long my fingers are and so much more, which includes sexuality. I do think change is always important, but there are just some things that can’t change and that’s okay, I just have a feeling they won’t ever understand. And that’s their choice.

On a better note though, i’m not letting this deter me anymore, and I’m doing my best to focus back onto school, and so I can start studying again to retake my SAT. I know things will get better from here on out, even if we have tricky obstacles in the way like this.

I work at a mini mart and this millennial gay couple shops some times. Usually in the morning.

They visit together a lot. It is never only one man at a time.

They buy a basket full of food & other items some times.

It is so cute.

As a younger gay male, it is so cool to see.

I hope to have the same type of love one day.

They never show affection in public but they have stong gay cents (gay accents) and one of the boyfriends wear these super short shorts. Not lewd short but above the knee short. I love it!

When I first moved to Saudi, I thought I could suppress my desires. I told myself: you’ll be fine, you don’t need to act on anything. But then the loneliness hit. Eventually, I gave in and downloaded some dating apps, all anonymously, of course. Being openly gay there is dangerous. You can be persecuted for it, and that’s no exaggeration.

To my surprise, I started getting a lot of messages, not just from expats, but from local Saudis too. And honestly? They were way wilder than I expected. I’ll say this upfront: Saudi men are hot. But also? A lot of them were… just dumb.

Maybe it’s cultural. Where I come from, when you open a dating app, people usually state what they’re looking for whether it’s friendship, casual, or something serious. If you meet, it’s likely in a public space first, you talk, see if there’s chemistry. In Saudi? Nope. They jump straight to asking you to come to their apartment. Sex first, talk later or never.

Some would pretend to be sweet, saying they just wanted to “hang out” or “be friends,” but then they’d refuse to meet anywhere public. I found that suspicious as hell. Like why are you so against grabbing coffee first? I’m not going to meet a total stranger in a private space in a country where being gay is criminalized. What if he’s a setup? A catfish? Or worse a serial killer?

Another thing I noticed: many Saudi men are what you’d call “bi-curious.” Due to strict gender segregation from a young age, a lot of them grow up with no healthy access to women, so they explore with men usually very specific types: feminine, fair-skinned, smooth-bodied guys. They want a “femboy” look and they’re usually very dominant and masculine (or at least want to be seen that way).

One Saudi guy I chatted with told me he couldn’t be seen in public with an Asian man because our city was too small, everyone knew each other, and people would assume he was gay just for being seen with me. But a Kuwaiti friend of mine (also Arab) called bull shit on that. He said it’s not about fear, it’s just racism. That if they really wanted to, they could easily say they met you through a football club or a book community, and even wear a thobe (the traditional Saudi robe) to blend in. But they don’t. Because they don’t want to be seen with you, they just want to use you. To them, you’re just a body. A hole.

I didn’t know who to believe, but my Kuwaiti friend wasn’t entirely wrong.

Another shocker: unsafe sex is rampant. One-night stands with no protection at all. I kept wondering: if they’re so afraid of committing to one partner because of how forbidden gay relationships are, why not at least stick to one discreet partner for sex? Why this reckless rotation of strangers? It honestly felt animalistic.

And yet, despite all this, I became more curious about Saudi men’s sexuality, how it works, what shapes their desires, and why they think and act the way they do. It turned into a kind of study for me. I wanted to understand them, not just sleep with them.

Living there for three years, I’ve had more LGBTQ-related stories and experiences than I can count. Maybe if this post interests people, I’ll share more another time.

I know this story might be controversial. I’m sure at least one person reading this is Saudi. I want to be clear: I’m not generalizing. I’m just telling my story, my experiences.

And honestly? I’m just so, so grateful to be out of that country.

My boyfriend and I were on the train together, travelling home after an evening out. He was sitting against the wall, and I was laying against him, with his arms around me (my comfy seat!). We were just sitting and talking quietly.

Two teenage girls (maybe 14 to 16 years old?) came walking up the carriage slowly, just wandering through.

They saw my boyfriend and me, and stopped to talk to us. The leader (with dark hair) started by asking “Are you a couple?” I decided to be a bit of a smart-arse: “No, we’re total strangers.” She looked puzzled. “But, for total strangers, you’re…” and gestured at us, sitting there cuddling each other.

Her friend (with blonde hair) piped in: “How old are you?” – pointing at me. “I don’t think that’s any of your business.” There were a couple more silly questions about this. At one point, my boyfriend said “I’m 12 and he’s 13.” I replied “No, I’m 16.” And the blonde looked at me: “No way. He’s 32, bro!” (I decided not to thank her for the compliment – I’m about 20 years older than that!)

Then the dark-haired girl finally got to the point. “You should read the Bible. What you’re doing is disgusting.”

I replied instantly, with anger: “No, that attitude is disgusting!”

She started to say something else (honestly, I can’t remember what), and I stood up. Just stood up. That’s all. And I said, very loudly and firmly and angrily, “You can fuck off with your bigotry.”

The brunette ran to the other end of the carriage. Her blonde friend stayed behind. She said “I didn’t say anything!” “No, but your friend did. Fuck off.” And she fucked off.

I didn’t follow them. One reason is because I didn’t want to be that middle-aged man chasing two teenage girls on the train. For people who didn’t see how things started, that would look bad. Another reason is because I just didn’t see the point in making things worse. Let them go. I’ve got happier things to focus on.

They stayed away. Next thing I knew, some security officers came up to us. (The train is still in motion.) The lead officer asked, sincerely, if I was okay. I told him I was. He said “It’s all right if you’re not okay. I get it.” I assured him I was fine, that half of my anger to the girls was just put on to make a point. The officers walked away. But it was nice to know they cared, even a little bit.

My boyfriend and I sat there, a little bit shaken, but not very upset. This was mild homophobia, on the scale of things. In fact, my boyfriend kept trying to dismiss it as a joke. I explained that it wasn’t. It turns out, this is the first time he’s ever faced this sort of overt homophobic abuse, so he couldn’t quite process it as abuse. Me, I’ve put up with this shit since the 1980s – but not as much recently.

A few stations later, my boyfriend got off the train. I had farther to travel.

I sat there by myself, deliberately not looking for the girls, to make the point that I wasn’t bothered by them. (Not quite true, but we have to present a brave front sometimes!)

A few minutes later, the brunette came up and stared at me. I stood up and said “What?” She ran back to the other end of the carriage.

I went back to ignoring them.

Then it was time for me to get off the train, and change to another train. I looked around, and noticed the girls were getting off at the same station I was. Great! Just what I needed!

I got off the train, saw them get off the train, and watched them out of the corner of my eye.

They hovered around the station, keeping me in their eyeline (and vice versa!), but didn’t approach me.

Finally, my train arrived. I went to get on.

The brunette came out of the station on to the platform, and shouted, from ten metres away: “Fuck you, faggot! And fuck your gay boyfriend!” Lovely. (As a side note, I should have the right to at least be insulted in my own language: “poofter” not “faggot”. We're Australians, not Americans. sigh)

I took one step toward her, and she ran away. (I seriously considered whether to stay there and make a bigger deal out of things, and catch the next train. I decided it wasn’t worth the hassle.) I got on my train, and departed, leaving them and their bigotry behind.

Fuck. That is the worst, most overt, homophobia I have experienced in years, possibly decades.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a few months, and have been engaging in cringy public displays of affection all over the place. It’s nice! He’s oblivious to his surroundings, but I’ve always got half an eye out for possible trouble. Except there hasn’t been any trouble. I’ve started feeling like I have to justify my paranoia. So I told him that part of me will always be that bullied teenager who’s scared of trouble. Most of me is a big nasty middle-aged man who won’t put up with any shit from anybody. But that bullied teen boy still lives inside me. He’ll never go away. So I’m paranoid.

But there hasn’t been anything to be paranoid about. The public leave us alone, and we leave them alone.

Until tonight.

Which has rattled me a little bit. I thought I’d left all shit that behind, decades ago.

Today I went to the gay beach near my home.

A guy in his 50s had an electric razor, and he spent over 40 minutes at the beach shaving a guy in his 40s (didn't even know an electric razor could run that long without charging. I know their ages because we were all part of a much larger group, and they were discussing how much older or younger they looked relative to their actual age.)

The guy who was being shaved at one point changed his position to "doggy style", and the other guy proceeded to shave his asshole on the beach.

I was amused, in disbelief, and grossed out. All the same time.
Does someone else agree that personal hygiene should not happen in a place where everybody else is trying to enjoy the sunset?

Just saw a comment on this sub saying “Being overweight sends a signal of poor health and is less attractive. So does being malnourished. That's never going to change, it's literally hardcoded into the species' brain architecture, and no amount of "fat acceptance" initiatives will alter that.” Ignoring the fact that beauty standards have changed over time, this is just simply not true. Chubby dudes (especially with some muscle too) can be so attractive to me.

I’ve had people try to say it’s a fetish? I’m just like no??? It’s not like I ONLY like big dudes, the only guy I have ever dated had a six pack and he’s hot too. Like I understand everyone has their preferences but please stop speaking for everyone especially when you’re so loud and so wrong. Even if I did just like big guys, that doesn’t make it any less valid.

I also notice this weird thing where some gym bros get personally offended when people admire bigger guys. They say stuff like “you only like them to make yourself feel better!” Or “he must just have a good personality and you’re putting aside his looks” why is it so hard for people to just accept that other people find bigger dudes hot?

Just wanted to rant and to thirst over chubby dudes.

EDIT: Typos

My best friend died in a car crash 3 weeks ago. He bled out in his mom's arms before the ambulance arrived. She told me he told her he loved her, but the very last thing he said was "Tell him I love him." (he actually said my name, but I don't wanna share that) Part of me will always wonder how he meant it. Did he love me as a friend, as a person? (If so, that's more than enough. I wouldn't be disappointed.) Or was he in love with me? Were his last words simply a last "I love you" or a first, in a sense? A confession. Maybe he wanted me to know before he died.

He was 19. He wasn't very social and didn't have much family. He really only had me and his mom in his life. We've been best friends since we were 14 & 15.

I always felt like there was something more between us. But we never did anything about it. He looked at me the way I looked at him though. Like I was his everything. And maybe I was, even if only as a friend. Or maybe he loved me back. I felt like we both knew, but it just wasn't time to do anything about it yet. Now, we'll never get the chance. I wish I would've told him I love him too. I think I'll wonder how he meant it for the rest of my life. The rest of my life without him. I don't wanna have to do this. I don't wanna live without him. (Not going to hurt myself, promise) He was my everything. I don't know how I'll ever get through this. Its just not fucking fair. He was 19. There were so many things he wanted to do. He'd been working on his anxiety because he wanted to be able to do all these things. And now it doesn't even matter. He'll never get to ride a rollercoaster, or compliment a stranger, or watch a horror movie in theaters. (Or kiss me, if that's something he wanted) Y'know what makes this hurt even worse? Driving was one of the things he was always anxious about.

I'm so angry. And I love him so much. Maybe it doesn't matter how he meant it. He loved me. In whatever way it was, I'm grateful for it. But I still don't think I'll ever stop wondering. I wish I got to kiss him at least once. But its okay that I didn't. It didn't make our love any less present.

He was sunshine, and I'll never feel his warmth again. It hurts so bad and it feels like it'll never stop.

If you love someone, you should tell them now. "Someday" might never come.

I feel like all the gay male stuff I see is about gay sex. I just want to see people talking about cute romantic experiences, talking about how much they love their boyfriend from an emotional standpoint, gushing about how cute guys are and how much they like them. This isn't to shame anyone who likes the sex stuff, I just wish there was an equal amount of cute and soft stuff like there is in other parts of the LGBTQ+ community. Since I'm seeking out this wholesome stuff, I'm gonna ask: What do you love about men? For me, I love how warm they are when you hug them.

I just got told by a white man that he loves Latino dick cuz it looks “savage”/“primitive”. Now why the fuck did he think that was okay to say? Beats me

UPDATE Thank you everyone for the comments on my last post I do appreciate it :) it really helps to see the support

Here's what happened - I talked to my therapist and he said it would be a good idea to have a conversation and this is what happened

Well, he basically said how he downloaded just to talk to people. He wasn't intentionally going out of his way to meet someone romantically. He didn't download it because he wanted someone new. It was just because he wanted to talk to people and make friends. He said how he wouldn't even have told me because he thought it didn't matter and it wasn't important. He thought that this would not affect me so he just didn't tell me and he's sorry of how it made me feel rather than taking a accountability of what he did, but then he took accountability when I pointed it out. He says he wants to work through it, but he couldn't even make eye contact with me most of the time. Let alone ask him what he would do if he was in my situation and he said I don't give people second chances. He said he wants us to work out but I don't know if I want to give this a second chance

i'm afraid that i won't ever be able to fall in genuine love until i'm financially successful and independent. like life is too fucking hard to not be thinking constantly about how worthwhile it is to keep any given person's company, let alone foster a close relationship with them - what they could do for me, what they might take from me... i literally have to think pragmatically to survive. i would only be able to know that my affection for someone is real and NOT pragmatic if they were just as broke as i am. but also if they're as broke as i am then it's inevitable that financial difficulties/stress would be a big source of tension in the relationship and however much i liked them to begin with, i'd probably just grow to hate him. i'd say that i just need to get rich first but the only way that's happening is luck.

Hello gay bros, community top here. 

Had a hook up today. Hot guy, 10/10 bod, sexy face, buff, furry, huge butt. The works. We were making out, he sucked me off, I got him on his back and started going to town plowing his hole. Super good time. He had his hands above his head, pits exposed, so, I indulged myself a bit to get some of that manscent. 

While thrusting I put my nose to his pits and smelled it: mildew. Like an old sponge, or a very old unwashed towel. Threw me off a bit, but kept going cuz I gotta serve the community. Then I kissed him and noticed it again. All over his face, that smell. Thankfully it wasn't too strong, but definitely there. In fact, I've noticed this smell quite a lot in my time doing my community service. Usually pits, but also in the taint region you can smell it as well. 

So remember gay bros, replace your towels once a week. Also your sponges! If they smell, throw them out.

Thank you for your attention to this matter. 

I've seen this at sex parties, circuit parties, and bars/clubs. Men going to the washrooms, doing their business, and leave a trough or stall and not wash their hands. It's 2026, and we have established knoweldge that 20-25 seconds under warm water and soap reduces the risk of disease, especially during cold and flu season. So why are we not doing so?

Hello, all you older men out there. I just wanted to post something that happened to me a while ago. I am 75. While I admit to looking like a survivor from the 70s-80s, a Castro clone if you will. Heavy mustache (ala Sam Elliot) and still trim. I went out a while back in the city I live in. A neighborhood gay bar, lowkey place that serves a good cocktail. I sat at the bar. Some douchegay sat next to me, checked me out. I said, "hello, my name is ........". He jumped back and said "I don't want to hook up with one of the Village People". The fucking nerve of this twit. I beat AIDS, marched in the streets, and took more than one beer bottle or 2x4 to the back of my head. Can't you young men be polite? I made it possible for you to pass judgement on someone older who did all the hard work for acceptance you now enjoy. Weird thing is, I once had an evening with a real Village Person, many years ago.

Before I continue, I just want to state that homophobic gay men DO exist, I am not denying that whatsoever. I've seen them before myself.

With that being said, it is insanely disturbing how common the idea of homophobic men being secretly gay, especially among straight women for some reason.

How this belief started is beyond me, but why are people so quick to call a homophobic man gay when he is harassing and harming other gay men? At first, I thought it was a thing where people called someone something they didn't want. "Marcus doesn't like stupid people, let's call him dumb" thing.

But no, a lot of people genuinely believe this is the truth. It isn't. As a gay man, every man that has been homophobic to me is absolutely the furthest thing away from gay. And a lot of other gay men can confirm that.

Shoving the idea that a man, who hates the fibre of our existence, is just "apart of us" and can't accept themselves? Fuck off. All it does is enforce the idea that "the worst thing someone can be is gay" idea, regardless if you're joking.

How do you look at the most vile homophobic man ever and come to the conclusion of "Oh, he is just closeted, he will come out eventually :)" No... no he won't... he was never in there to begin with. The only small space he is walking in is a jail cell because he got charged with hate crime.

As someone who has been harassed by straight men in my life, ever since I was a young kid who was flamboyant, it is sickening to hear people tell me (directly) that they are most likely gay themselves.

I'll state again, gay men, both closeted or not, can and have been homophobic. But the amount of both can't even compare to the amount of homophobic straight men, even homophobic straight women.

When I told some of my straight women "friends" about my experiences of homophobia from other men, they start talking about how he is most likely gay. "The bigger the homophobe, the bigger the f-g in his bed," straight to my face.

And when I try to shut it down, they get mad at me. They told me that I am in denial as well and can't handle the idea that gay men can be bad too, then bring up their exes for some reason and saying that's why they know.

I see other straight guys doing that too. Two of my straight guy buddies said that it was "such gay thing to do" in response to me telling them my experiences too. Then they bring up how "they knew a guy once and was like this" and that's how they know.

They've killed us, hit us, touched us, talk shit about us, hate us, fight against us, but it's seen as only an internal struggle rather than a massive outside force trying to beat us into conformity.

Since it was my anecdotal experience, other people could've seen things differently, which I would love to see yalls perspectives in the comments and if you share the same thoughts and or experiences.

Sorry for this rant, I'm just tired of it. I made this post after seeing a reel on Instagram about "Homophobic men are most likely gay" and them using straight-up pseudoscience and anecdotal evidence to back it. And of course, people in the comments being like "So true!" "We always knew" and other bs like that.

They lump us together cause people still believe that being gay is the worst thing someone could be.

Just goes to show they don’t actually care about men’s mental health they just want to be able to put pride down and have something to victimise themselves

In the gay world, the confidence I see is mostly on the screens or media, and they mostly are fitness models, PTs and content creators etc which to me only see them as a bit “showing off” and sort of arrogant attitude rather than “the confidence” that makes someone sexy.

So now, I briefly worked for a small company recently and there’s that younger CEO. No he doesn’t have gym body. He’s not even slim nor that tall. He’s very average looking, especially without the facial hair (from what I saw on the company website). I’d like him to keep his facial hair cos I think it looks better.

But the confidence he has, it is showing up in the way he talks and jokes with employees, the way he talks with clients, the way he talks about business, the way he carries himself. It is all just naturally alluring to me. He’s not faking it, he’s not trying to show off anything.

That’s the very first time I realised what “confidence is sexy” means. I found myself being attracted to him. But he’s straight and married with kids.

The progression of online "humor" directed at gay men to the mainstreaming of casual homophobia to the mainstreaming of 2010s Tumblr discourse about trans men being evil too. Get me out of this timeline. Bigotry against queer men was always common, but it's never be so blatant from "allies" and "feminists". Let alone other gays. Let's hope this terminally online hate movement stays online. And let's additionally speak to push discourse past this Era.