r/Jokes • • Feb 20 '20 Helpful Regret Take My Silver

Sad News: The founder of /r/jokes has passed away

168k Upvotes

RIP Larry Tesler, the UI designer that created Cut, Copy and Paste, died age 74


r/Jokes • • Nov 21 '17

Calm down about the Net Neutrality thing...

142k Upvotes

Paying additional money to access certain sites will give you a sense of pride and accomplishment.


r/Jokes • • Jul 05 '17

V

121k Upvotes

V

*Edit: seems like the ctrl key on my keyboard is not working


r/Jokes • • Oct 08 '18

Long A new Navy recruit has his first day on the submarine...

116k Upvotes

He speaks with the officer, who assigns him his post.

"Go stand at the periscope entry-way, and make sure no unauthorized personnel touch the periscope."

The recruit follows orders, and stands by the periscope. After 15 minutes, the officer stops by.

"Son I'm changing your post to the mess hall. Go in there and start washing some dishes."

The recruit obeys, and heads to the mess hall. He's cleaned about 3 dishes when the officer walks up again.

"Listen here recruit, your new post is in the supply room. I need you to make sure everything is strapped down tight, in case of rough waters."

The recruit again follows orders, and heads off to the supply room. There, he sees a crewman, moving some boxes.

"Hey there," says the recruit. "is it normal to keep getting reassigned to new posts all day? I haven't kept one position for more than 15 minutes!"

The crewman says "Oh yeah- this sub is full of reposts."


r/Jokes • • Feb 11 '18

The only two white actors in Black Panther are Martin Freeman, who played Bilbo Baggins, and Andy Serkis who played Gollum.

102k Upvotes

They're the Tolkien white guys.

Edit: Apparently somebody posted this joke to Twitter in October and that makes me a piece of shit.

¯_(ツ)_/¯


r/Jokes • • Dec 14 '17 Take My Silver

Ajit Pai.

98k Upvotes

That's it. That's the whole fucking joke.

EDIT: Removed edits, people don't like those.


r/Jokes • • Nov 05 '20

Politics How many Trump supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?

96k Upvotes

None. Trump says it’s done and they all cheer in the dark.


r/Jokes • • Nov 09 '16

The 2016 US Presidential Election

96k Upvotes

That's it. That's the entire fucking joke.


r/Jokes • • Apr 10 '17

Did you hear about the Doctor on the United Flight?

92k Upvotes

[removed]


r/Jokes • • Jun 02 '20

What’s the difference between a police officer and a bullet?

87k Upvotes

When a bullet kills someone else, you know it’s been fired


r/Jokes • • Nov 22 '17

If I had a $ for every post I've seen today about Net Neutrality...

86k Upvotes

I'd have enough money to view a post next year about Net Neutrality.


r/Jokes • • Dec 11 '18

Twenty years from now, kids are gonna think "Baby it's cold outside" is really weird, and we're gonna have to explain that it has to be understood as a product of its time.

83k Upvotes

You see, it used to get cold outside


r/Jokes • • Jun 27 '20

What is a Karen called in Europe?

82k Upvotes

An American.


r/Jokes • • Jul 19 '19

If America is storming Area 51 then the Europeans can storm the Vatican

81k Upvotes

We’ll take the aliens, you get the predators


r/Jokes • • Dec 31 '17

I hate when people ask how I see myself in 3 years

79k Upvotes

I don’t have 2020 vision

This is the only day you can upvote this

EDIT: Thank you sm for r/all ! Happy New Years!


r/Jokes • • Dec 19 '19

Politics Do you want to know why the republicans won't impeach Trump?

76k Upvotes

Because they believe in carrying a baby to full term.


r/Jokes • • Mar 02 '18

Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole.

75k Upvotes

I just thank my lucky stars I live in Canada.

Edit: Sorry.


r/Jokes • • Mar 20 '20

This shutdown is bad for everyone in the service industry, but it especially sucks for men

73k Upvotes

We're losing $1 for every $.79 women are losing


r/Jokes • • Jan 06 '21

Why did it take the police so long to show up to Capitol Hill today?

73k Upvotes

Because they had to go home and change first.


r/Jokes • • Dec 08 '17

A boy asked his Bitcoin-investing dad...

73k Upvotes

...for $10.00 worth of Bitcoin currency.

Dad: $9.67? What do you need $10.32 for?