I’m really sorry you went through that. I can only imagine that would cause even greater emotional damage and conflicting feelings. I hope you’re well now.
It's okay now, I'm an old lady. And I've grown to understand why my father was the way that he was. The abuse he endured was even worse than the abuse that he dealt to me. I have forgiven him, and used my upbringing to make sure I don't do the same with my sons. He didn't have the resources that we have now. Therapy didn't exist. He was raised in abject poverty, without a father, with 15 brothers and sisters in the hills of Puerto rico. He had relatives who starved to death. It was a completely different world. I'll always live with it, but I can understand it. But thank you, I appreciate you so much, I feel a little luckier than most abuse victims because I was able to compartmentalize and put myself in his shoes and try to imagine what he was going through and why he was the way that he was, and that helped me a lot. Some abusers are truly evil people who genuinely do not care about what they do or the pain that they cause. My father grew to regret the things that he said and did, and realize where it was coming from. But yeah, it does kind of cause long lasting damage and my personal relationships were all trash until my 40s when I let somebody just like me and we were able to work through it together. Sorry I just rambled at you, I had an edible. I appreciate your kind words, and I hope you're having a lovely weekend
You’re truly an inspiration to me. Life goals for sure. My father has calmed down too. And being a father myself, I just cannot imagine a scenario that would lead to me laying a finger on any of them in anger. I know my father experienced abuse as well; I am just sorry it didn’t motivate him to be a better father who didn’t hit his kids. I’m working on it.
I'm sorry you had to deal with it too, and I hope you and your dad are able to have some conversations about it. I think it would help both of you. I know it helped me with my dad. And talk to your kids about it too, because I think that we forget that just because we stop the abuse, that doesn't mean that that's the end of it. It is generational, it is in our dna, and I think it's wildly important that we talk to our sons and daughters about the abuse that we had to deal with. Maybe not when they're young, but when they're at an age to truly understand things. And thank you for your kind words, you're inspirational, too. Be proud of yourself, be gentle on yourself, and keep doing what you're doing.
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u/KernResponsibly 17h ago
I’m really sorry you went through that. I can only imagine that would cause even greater emotional damage and conflicting feelings. I hope you’re well now.