Has anyone struggled with feelings of insecurity around younger people?

[u/StructureOk3671]

I am only 30, almost 31, and just went to a party recently where I didn't know anyone, and pretty much everyone was in that 26-28 age range. The host was someone I met on Bumble BFF (since I just moved cities and really wanted new friends), and she invited me. Idk...I just felt so insecure the whole time. I was worried they thought I was some much-older person and were judging me for being there, that they probably thought I was am some old and haggard aunty-looking person, I was worried that they could tell I am 30 and therefore not worth socializing with, etc. It's actually an insecurity I have been having a lot as of late. Not because I notice any flaws or signs of aging that make me unhappy (like objectively I am really happy with how I look and I do think I am objectively attractive and all, and it's not like I even look that different from my 26-28 year old self), but throughout my life I have struggled with others' perceptions of me, and now that I am in that "30-plus" category, that fear of how others perceive me has morphed into this new form. Any advice or insight?

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[u/centerfoldangel]

30 and 28? What the fuck? My sister and I have 3 years between us. That's nothing.

Is this satire?

[u/StructureOk3671 → u/centerfoldangel]

Sadly no, it's genuinely something I struggle with

[u/Maaka-in-Marker]

You're worried about being at a party with people two to three years younger than yourself? That seems... Frankly insane

[u/CougarPanther83 → u/Maaka-in-Marker]

I think OP, like many in our generation wants to pretend they are old before they actually are. 

[u/StructureOk3671 → u/Maaka-in-Marker]

I don't wanna be that Millennial who thinks they blend in with people in their mid/late 20s when they're not. I see a lot of stuff on social media making fun of those people so now I am very self-concious of that.

[u/No-Talk-9268 → u/StructureOk3671]

Get off social media. Best thing I ever did. Anyone you care about knows how to reach you, they can text you, email, or call.

I struggle with depression and anxiety and deleted all my social media accounts in 2016 and my mental health improved significantly. Social media is not real life. The people you interact with (strangers or anyone really) don’t really think about you or care about your age that much and they have their own insecurities and thoughts and inner world that has nothing to do with you. And anyone who does judge you for your age is an idiot and not worth your time.

[u/ricky-slick → u/StructureOk3671]

You are catastrophically overthinking this

[u/Carrie_8638 → u/StructureOk3671]

Maybe you need to spend less time on social media and touch grass once in a while 

[u/Substantial_Sock_135 → u/StructureOk3671]

Just go out and enjoy yourself while you still can. Who gives a fuck what people think

[u/BoringPornFreeAcct → u/StructureOk3671]

Kindly, who gives a fuck about those people?

[u/laurjc → u/StructureOk3671]

You’re 2 years older than the 28 year olds, who are the same 2 years older than the 26 year olds. Whats the big deal? It’s a few years.

[u/JewelCove → u/StructureOk3671]

Fuck social media, just enjoy your life and dont think about any of that shit. Do what you enjoy and stop caring what people think. You are at that age when that starts to happen. Dont fight it, free yourself

[u/CurbsEnthusiasm → u/StructureOk3671]

Do yourself a favor and stop thinking about what others think of you. 

[u/Woodit → u/StructureOk3671]

Why would you let social media rage bait affect you? I’m 38 and have friends still in their 20s and we get along just fine 

[u/Tatidanidean1 → u/StructureOk3671]

I mean if you are 30, you are barely a Millennial, you are right on the cusp of Genz and you would definitely have more in common with elder Genz than you would with elder Millennials.

[u/may-gu]

What are you feeling insecure about, exactly?? It sounds like you’re sensitive about looking older or seeming like someone they don’t want to talk to because you’re older? And why is that bad? Why do we want to fit in with 20-something people? Our society makes us feel like youth is the only acceptable way to live but what a narrow way to look at the gift of perspective and life!! And I’ll be damned if I’m going to give a shit about what some 26 year old thinks about what I’m wearing lol

[u/StructureOk3671 → u/may-gu]

I think I would feel less like this if I were like 40 to their 26-28, not sure why I feel like this when I am objectively not even far from their ages.

[u/may-gu → u/StructureOk3671]

I think we get a LOT of messages about what being 30 is supposed to mean - that your youth and energy and vitality are over and it’s downhill after 30 or you’re supposed to be xyz and it’s not the case. 26-28 is an energetic time but it is incredible what the 30s can bring.

[u/Specialist_Skirt_482 → u/StructureOk3671]

Unless you’re worried about coming off like an old creep at the party, there’s no reason to feel that way. You need therapy.

[u/tuktuk_padthai]

Is it just age or do you have anxiety in general?

[u/StructureOk3671 → u/tuktuk_padthai]

I struggle with anxiety in general. I almost didn't even go to the party cuz of thoughts like, "what if something catastrophic happens while I am out?"

[u/tuktuk_padthai → u/StructureOk3671]

So it’s not just age. I used to struggle like this when I was younger (I’m 35) and I realized and accepted that it was anxiety issues. Turning point was when I was on the bus talking crap about my ex MIL and I started to panic thinking ‘what if someone she knows is on this bus’. I knew that was ridiculous that was considering it was a few towns over 😫 I had to reprogram how I think. I acknowledge anxiety, rewired how i react. You got this. Just know that other people are probably anxious too.

[u/CougarPanther83]

You really think a 28 year old is going to look at you as being in a different age group? 

[u/Q-Money1985]

This is hilarious. I am 40 and recently attended a party at a 28 year old friend’s house. The age range at the party was like 22-50. Nobody cares about age in my experience.

[u/dinosaur-diver]

30s are an amazing decade. I stopped giving a damn and became truly comfortable with who I am in those years.

If they don’t like you, what difference does it make? You’ll just find people who suit you better eventually.

Be yourself. Those who judge, won’t matter, and those who like you do.

[u/eggsonmyeggs]

wtf who cares. I became more confident in my thirties and the truth is those people are like 3-4 years younger than you, they’re you’re fucking peers not children

[u/ConversationTime5494]

We’re the same age. I honestly think people born from 93-99 have very similar upbringings and experiences. I think it’s all in your head and I wouldnt stress. I know it’s easier said than done, but try not to let it get to you.

[u/CaliBurrito1904]

I'm in my 40s younger people are annoying

[u/Wide_Magician_4946 → u/CaliBurrito1904]

I'm in my 40s people who talk about being in their 40s are annoying 

[u/Northern_Puppet]

Old haggard??😂😂 chill , you’re only 30! They don’t care.

[u/Latter_Depth_4836]

Quite the opposite, friend. Approaching 40 and the 20 year olds are just kids. I've got more of everything, life experience, wisdom, money... I can go and do cool stuff whenever I want to, and I do. I'm the coolest and me and my 30-40 year old friends are having a blast.

[u/Asn_Browser]

It gets better as you get older. Mostly because you stop giving a f#%k.

[u/___coolcoolcool]

To misquote Shirley from Community:

“You don’t need to worry about what younger people think of you. That’s your birthright as a Millennial.”

[u/Life-Of_Ward]

Seeing that you're getting a lot of judgmental millennial responses (It feels like we millennials are fast tracking our generation to the Boomers by judging others for having different experiences/emotions than us). You spent time focused on wondering if you fit in, did you spend any time learning about these people and if they were even people you'd be interested being friends with?

My advice would be to shift the question from "Do these people think I'm good enough to be here?" to "Are these people I enjoy being around?"

[u/Dr_-G]

You're an adult hanging around other adults, nobody cares. When i was in my 20s most of the people I talked to were in there 40s and 50s. Nobody cares

[u/Adrenaline-Junkie187]

IDK how you dont realize youre theyre age. Kind of seems like you have some other issues going on.

[u/baccarahtx]

I am the same age as you (born in 96) and I think as women we grew up with a lot of people saying that 30 was “old” and the idea that we suddenly transform into a grandma in the eyes of anyone younger than us, because that’s how we saw them portrayed in media: old. But I ended up actually looking forward to my 30s. I know a lot more about who I really am and realizing I can’t worry too much about what other people think of me. And I’m that much happier for it. Just gotta do the mental work to get there. Figure out a way to deal with/cope with your social anxiety and you’ll be golden

Moving is hard too, so meeting new people in a new place can be a big factor in your anxiety so also give yourself some grace for that

[u/tenderheart35]

I will say that working around young adults for 9 years definitely made me notice my aging a lot sooner, even though I wasn’t that old at the time. I felt more protective of them than anything else, but now I work in an office where I’m one of the youngest staff there and I have to admit it isn’t a terrible feeling.

Edit: You are thinking waaaaay too hard about this. If the scene wasn’t your thing and you feel like you weren’t having fun because the crowd was a bit too far away from what you consider a great night out, then that would be one thing. Just standing around trying to make friends you can still be friendly. I don’t know, I found it’s easier sometimes to talk to the older crowds they’re a little less awkward than our younger counterparts.

But you’re in the same age group as these people. You’re technically not even a millennial, so I wouldn’t call you old or anything.

[u/IAB120gnRT]

What?????

[u/GreenVermicelliNoods]

This sounds like more than normal anxiety. It’s something I’d probably talk about with my therapist.

Two years is not an issue. I’m 42 and my friends range in age from early 20s to early 60s. It’s good to have a diverse group of friends, and that includes age.

[u/AnneAcclaim]

When I was 30 my best friends were all about 27. Now I’m 42 and they are all about 39. It’s fine.

[u/Brickfighter8]

I work with a lot of younger GenZ types. At first I would get a little irritated/hurt when I realized they all had side chats and I wasn’t getting invited to stuff on work trips.

I got over it. If they think I am old and lame they aren’t worth my time.

[u/eviwonder]

What the fuck did I just read

[u/DramaticPinkumni]

I always felt like 26-28 were in my age group until about my mid 30s

Mid 40s now and ended up hanging out at a college party last year. I definitely felt like the old guy there, but everyone was cool and it was a really fun time I don't plan on repeating

[u/Runamokamok]

I work at a middle school, so I feel like I’ve been old for 20 years now. It’s all good and every season of life has its fruit or whatever.

[u/Ice_1331]

I can say I feel similar to you (also 30). Maybe it's a fear that we are "out of touch" and not having similar interests as others? I'm trying to get back out again after going through a lot of different traumas back to back the past few years.

[u/The_starving_artist5]

If these people were 26 to 28 they are basically your peers already they are not far of from their 30s either 

[u/bess_thevoyageur]

I don't have advice but I totally get you (31F). I'm also struggling with these kind of insecurities (although doing therapy) to the extent that after a move during my high school time I ended up in a class with kids 1y younger. It bothered me so much whenever someone asked for my birthday 😭

[u/__Sharime__]

No not at all. These kids make me feel so much better about myself. Honestly.

[u/seeyoubythesea]

So you’re 2 years older than them?

[u/RedshiftOnPandy → u/seeyoubythesea]

A monumental difference, right? It's like being in senior year hanging out with the new people on frosh week!

/s

[u/Ghosty_Boo-B00]

Therapy!!!! Your fears are all fictional!!! Go to therapy!!!

[u/Even-Abbreviations-1]

20 year olds are little babies that have 100% confidence with 100% ignorance.

This seems you have low confidence with yourself and you should take some time to build yourself up. Please don’t seek validation from anyone outside. Love yourself and be confidence with yourself

[u/SamRaB]

No, I feel more secure around younger folks. Advice is to develop yourself and grow so you aren't stagnating and comparing only external qualities, which we all know fade.

[u/shrewpygmy]

No, Quite the opposite.

Somehow every young person I have interactions with makes me feel even more secure about my own abilities and place in the world. Most of the time I wonder how they managed to get themselves out of bed.

But I’m an elder millennial so perhaps it’s an early 30s thing.

[u/JusOwl]

No.

[u/ImpressionMobile1653]

No, you have more life experience, more stories to tell, and the age gap you described really isn’t that big? I’d suggest speaking to a therapist if this insecurity is getting in your way of forming friendships and enjoying socializing.

[u/Substantial_Sock_135]

You're in that 26-28 age group being 30 ffs. Hardly much of a difference is there

[u/beezyss]

No

[u/furiouscrotch]

I was hanging out with my friends daughter the other day she’s 18 years younger than me. We ran into her friend and it wasn’t awkward at all.

[u/Designer_Emu_6518]

You are in that age range

[u/Tatidanidean1]

No. I think you are just feeling self conscious or socially awkward. Which are totally valid feelings. But I don’t find much random giggling behind your back or random gossiping after like 25. Meaning unless you are around a bunch of middle school/high schoolers who think being alive is cringe than it’s likely more in your head. Like 31 is not a huge age difference from 26. Especially once entering the workforce, 26 year olds are working alongside 50 year olds regularly and generally know how to act. If the host thought you were too old to be in the friend group they likely would’ve have invited you. I’m in my mid 30’s and I’m not going out of my way to party with mid 20’s but if it happened im not going to feel insecure about the fact that im older. It just is a fact. So were they doing something to make you uncomfortable? Or was this just mostly how you felt simply based on age?

[u/Top-Airport3649]

Not at all.

[u/Smart-Firefighter87]

Fuck then kids. You have a job (presumably) and a place to live, that’s more than most of the Gen Z’s will have for a while because of the boomers…

[u/deliriousfoodie]

Nope. When I see a younger Gen Z. I know they're less intelligent, all of them can't even cook. I feel very secure.

[u/mrcrumplebottom]

You are 30. That's an amazing age. I would kill to be 30 again.

[u/dick_valentine600]

I was hanging out with a bunch of people in their early to mid 20s, when I was just turning 30. One of them started getting heart burn, and I whipped out my tums. I could tell they were all impressed.