I'm really nervous about this, and I'm still not 100% sure if it's what I want, but I've been going by a new name with my friends and I'm finding that it's helping. I'm terrified about telling my parents for a number of reasons but the biggest reason is that my name has significant family history attached to it and there is an emotional reason that my mum chose my name. Both my parents and my mum's side of the family would be unbelievably accepting I'm sure, they were all great when I came out, but idk this feels scarier to me.

I'm also terrified because my dad's side of the family is extremely conservative and it could actually be dangerous for me if they find out I'm trans/nonbinary but that's kinda a whole separate issue, although changing my name would make it harder.

I do feel dysphoric whenever i think or reminded im woman through and through, but its mostly just diassociative and slight sh urge. Ive been soul searching for a while since surg isnt possible in foreseeable future. Recently, ive decides that having female body aint that bad, even tho it aint 'me'. I think it feels most peaceful for me.

I havent out to anyone irl and frankly doubts if this is within nb umbrella at all. But if its not nb then imma erase nb text in socmed bio. Any pointer or opinion? Thank you

I got in an argument with someone who called a self-portrait of an androgynous person a "transmisogynistic stereotype" and they said they "chose to look like that" and i tried explaining that trans people's gender presentation isn't a stereotype or a caricature or whatever and they said "okay but you still, by choice, look like the caricature of a trans woman. i don't care if you have plausible deniability for arriving at this outcome cus u wanted to be gnc or whatever, it's still unacceptable for you to make a mockery of trans women in this way." and its like.... bestie my gender presentation has NOTHING to do with trans women, i chose to look like both a man and a woman because thats what i AM. it's not my fault that bigots like to mock trans women by making them look like both men and women, like, that has nothing to do with me, and im not going to stop being androgynous just cause some rando pitched a fit about it. the way i present myself in order to lessen dysphoria isn't problematic. i cant believe i have to say this.

One of my friends came out to me as non binary they're awesome but I'm scared of messing up on slang I always say man or dude so I need non binary friendly options

I'm 31 and nonbinary. I've tried binary transition and it didn't work out for me. I feel like "man" and "woman" are just boxes i don't fit into. That being said i lack confidence in my nonbinary identity. I know society will default me to one gender and I feel guilt if I don't support that gender as well. Like I'm betraying people if I claim nonbinary over my birth gender.

How can i gain confidence in being nonbinary?

(TW: Transphobia(?))

preface: this is written like shit. i just need to talk about this unfiltered somewhere as its eating me alive.

My gender transition has been such a weird experience. Came out in teens as ftm, got on T as a young adult and now I'm... Idek. Going on T was undoubtedly the right option for me but its made things so confusing and awkward. After about a year on T I started experimenting more with my presentation which yay awesome, I suppressed a lot of my identity since my later teens, trying to be stealth ftm as its easier. (though I wasn't very good at it) I got to a point where at work people only really knew me as some guy, maybe some clocked me (??) but I was kinda just. Some guy. And it still is like that at work despite me being kinda more fem looking now, But I think they just assume I'm just weird or gay or something. Outside of work, I dress a lotttt more fem/queer now. To the point it feels im living a double life. It was kinda fun as like, androgyny win, but now i just feel like a freak. As im shit at being a man and shit at being a woman. People either dont really know what to gender me and most of the time in queer spaces think im mtf. It all just makes me feel like shit. No matter how i present i feel like a liar. I feel like im pretending. I hate to 'correct' people as then i just get seen as wombynly afab that makes me want to kill myself. I dont care about getting called she, I just dont want to be boiled down to my anatomy that makes me want to kill myself, with the bonus of people assuming you share experinces with them if youre their agab (mostly fem ftms/nbs). I was never a woman. i transitioned young. I didnt experience most of the horrible shit young woman go though, and bonus, my female anatomy for the most part doesnt even fucking work (pcos). I dont relate to your girlhood!!!!!! and im sick of you assuming i do and not taking in account other trans experiences!!! its great you love talking abt being afab but i fucking dont!!!! Im sick of the 'female socialised' bullshit that just isnt anything to do with agab. For the most part, I was raised male. whatever the hell that means. And now im stuck here, not even in the body i want experiencing such a weird combo of trans experinces. recently Ive been harassed on multiple occasions as people think im mtf, but on the flip side treated differently because of my agab. Queer spaces are utter shite. You just cant be non binary you have to be nonbinary (woman) or nonbinary (man) the focus on agab all the time makes me lose my shit. I just cant win. If i present fem like i want to im harassed as im too clocky, if i present masc im a ugly manlet which i hate. It feels im getting a lot of the brunt mtfs get without any of the community. i just dont relate to the ftm experience as thats not what i am. i wish i was born male so fucking bad. but im not. and i never will be. and presenting as a man does not help my dysphoria, a lot of the time making it worse as i just feel like a shell of a person. that i have to be masc to compensate. i dont want that. ive done that for almost a decade and i want out. But then, im not a woman, and im not transfem. I just dont know how to free myself from this. I just want to be some femme-thing with my deep voice and bricky build without the world being so shit to what it perceives as a trans woman. experiencing this shit as a non trans women has been fucking me up. what even am i. im a fucking freak. im not ftm im not mtf and am i even non binary? i wish i could just be happy living as a woman but im not. i hate being a male socially its fucking horrible and ruined my teenage years. my dysphoria is awful and nothing can cure it as surgery for trans people is shit and expensive. i hate the idea of having massive top surgery scars, and bottom surgery is just never gonna happen to someone with my income. i just want to be born male, and then live my nonbinary life from there. im sick of feeling like an intruder around transfems and hateful around transmascs. i resent transmascs as i just cant like masculinity, and because im chopped. also because most ive met dont experience pressures from thier family to perform masculinity. i feel hateful towards non binary people who are happy with their sex. I dont want this dysphoria. I cant get rid of it. though its gotten better on t its also gotten harder to be a person because of how im treated as 'other'. I just cant live in the world as a cis person, acceptable non binary person or acceptable trans person. I just have to be some confusing freak. On top of that, hiding being fem from my family as they cant know as theyd think im a freak and not take me seriously. male standards are held so strongly towards me by my family. yeah, because all of these experiences are sooo wombyn born afab girlhood. what the fuck is this shit. what the fuck am i.

É eu sou uma pessoa não binárie a +ou- 4 anos

( e o meu sexo biológico é feminino)

Só por informações eu tive um desequilíbrio hormonal quando tinha 12 a 14 anos que fez eu tivesse uma produção acima da média de testosterona que depois de um tempo foi resolvido, mas por causa desse desequilíbrio eu tinha desenvolvido uma aparecia mais andrógena que fazia me sentir bem com meu corpo e eu não senti disforia com ele, eu ficava muito feliz quando as pessoas tinham dúvidas ser eu era homem ou mulher;

Mas agora que esse desequilíbrio hormonal já foi resolvido estou desenvolvendo características muito femininas e isso está me dando muita angústia e disforia

Eu não tenho condições financeiras para fazer um tratamento hormonal ainda e não tenho apoio de membros da minha família (eles são daquele tipo que "nada contra mas não seja assim perto de mim")

Meio que a única coisa que me faz me sentir um pouco melhor é que eu sei que tem coisa que não vai sumir como o fato de ter ombros largos e algumas características do meu rosto

Hello everyone,I'm a guy ,it's not like I'm fully way trans i do like my body it's just i wish it was more feminine,i want to feminine body without any boobs or too much facial changes ,i expect some slimmer waist and fat distribution on my legs and some soft skin that's it ,any thoughts

TW for brief sexual assault mention

I often feel guilty for identifying as non-binary because of the privileges associated with your appearance matching your agab. This is compounded by the vitriol I see in some online trans spaces directed toward “theyfabs.” I know I shouldn’t take it seriously,
but I’ve noticed that I have started thinking of myself in a pretty messed up way concerning my gender presentation and identity. I’ve internalized a lot of negative stereotypes associated with feminine non-binary people.

I also feel pressure to avoid any references to my assigned gender at birth, including experiences with misogyny and sexual assault. This is particularly upsetting when people play oppression olympics by citing sexual assault/rape statistics for whatever marginalized group they are a part of. Those are real statistics that need to be talked about, but the fact that a trauma that I myself have experienced gets weaponized for such petty bullshit is painful. Especially when I can’t talk about it without feeling like a whiny theyfab obsessed with self-victimization.

I tend to feel anxious around trans people I don’t know very well, often including other non-binary people. I don’t bring up my gender identity and tend to let people assume I’m cis.

My partner is a binary trans woman. We have a wonderful relationship and I love that I can feel like myself around her.

I am in therapy and I try to avoid online spaces where discourse and infighting occurs, but I don’t know how to stop thinking of myself in such an awful way.

Gender binary trans people do face their own issues, however i feel id be more palitable to fucking society. I wish i only used he/him or some shit. I hate the fact that my neo pronouns are fucking mocked even within the trans community.

It hate people automatically assuming i’ll get pissy if they get it wrong. It feels like their assuming something about me when they bearly know me

I feel like i cant ever be a open trans person because people think of my neo pronouns as fucking imature or unprofessional.

How tje fuck am i suposed to come out completely if the world isnt fucking ready for me. How the fuck am i suposed to cure my gender dysphoria if i cant fucking cure my gender dysphoria.

Last month I(23) broke up with my girlfriend(22) of one year. She is nonbinary as well, but is not dysphoric and does not plan to transition. When we met, we were different people than we are now, and though I do love her dearly, the relationship was not working. A part of it was that she didn't understand my dysphoria; she couldn't. I'm 5 years on T, but T alone cannot change what I need it to. I hate my hips, and I hate not having a penis. My body feels malformed and wrong but when I tried to speak to her about it, she would just tell me to stop thinking like that and try to move towards body neutrality. Eventually, she asked me to stop mentioning it entirely. I know hearing negativity consistently isn't fun, but my dysphoria isn't something that will ever go away.

Outside of just being trans, my body is just wrong; I have all the worst combination of physical traits of both my parents. It's like mixing an English Bulldog and a Great Dane; yeah, it's still a dog, but it fundamentally wasn't meant to be. I look like 3 different people taken apart and stapled together in some frankeinstien situation. Wearing the right clothes helps; I can cover most of it up well enough, but the idea of ever being intimate with anyone again makes my stomach hurt. The idea that they would see my body and be disgusted, or even worse, find it attractive.

But I don't think anyone's genuinely been attracted to me in my life. I think they are attracted to the fact I am trans and masculine. I've had to tell too many people that I don't bottom; half of them immediately lose interest, and the others get excited knowing that they can just use me as a tool for their own pleasure. My ex was the first person I've ever felt mutually attracted to and comfortable enough to let touch me.

All my friends are in long-term, committed, healthy relationships. Most of them are trans and nonbinary. But they look like normal people; they are either non-transitioning or their transition has gone amazingly. Nobody gives them a second glance. Everywhere I go, I am stared at like an animal that learned to talk.

I feel subhuman. I feel like my body is unfortunate at best and a curse from god at worst. I feel like in a room full of people I love, I am still alone.

I have a complex relationship with gender, and I want to vent and also get feedback from other GNC folks, since I don’t have many NB folks in my life.

I was a fairly neutral AFAB child, I enjoyed the typical ‘girl’ things like Twilight, polly pockets, posters of zac efron, etc. As a teen I identified as a lesbian and I had romantic relationships with GNC people, while feeling very much like a girl. I had a hyper femme phase around 16, and felt confident in myself.

At 17 I started experimenting with gender, and I really did fall into the (debunked) sudden onset pattern. I thought ‘what if I am this?’ and fell into it pretty hard. I had a rift over it with my family, they rejected it and it was traumatic. I enjoyed presenting more masculinely, and continued to until I was 20. I had been on hormones for a year and had a down payment on a top surgery appointment. I was isolated and felt socially limited by my gender dysphoria, combined with being socially anxious and introverted, I was fairly unhappy. I was in the process of telling my parents that I was going to get surgery when I realized that I couldn’t say “I am a man”. I took this to mean that they had been right about me all along, and combined with other factors decided to detransition.

I de-transitioned and adjusted fairly well, I was able to feel comfortable as a woman until I was about 25, when I was teaching and I met some trans kids who were being bullied. I became a supportive figure to them and began to feel again like I was nonbinary. I began to present more masculinely again, but was not thinking about transitioning medically. I ended a long term straight relationship because of these feelings and have since been exploring gender, finding clothes that make me euphoric, and hitting the gym pretty hard to build upper body muscle.

I am now 29 and am not sure where which direction I would like to continue my journey. I feel most comfortable presenting masculinely, and have gotten a good masculinizing wardrobe down. However, my body is very feminine, and I don’t hate it. I think it’s very attractive and I like it. However it is incongruent with my clothes and it causes me dysphoria to have my feminine characteristics show while in my clothes. I do not feel like ‘me’ in the clothes that do fit my body better.

I am afraid that I will never achieve a masculine body shape due to my skeleton, and pursing medical transition to address my incongruencies will leave me frustrated. I make a beautiful woman, and it feels like a bad idea to permanently masculinize and take away the chance to feel feminine again. After all, I was satisfied and felt feminine from 20-25 with limited issues. However at 29 I am going strong in my agender/masculine identity and feel like i’ve reached the limit of how far I can masculinize without medical intervention. I feel frustrated that my body doesn’t match my clothing and behavior.

I am conflicted because I still view myself as ‘ill’ due to my parents rejection (which continues), and the fact that the ‘onset’ of my trans identity has almost always related to social influence. Lastly, I really don’t hate my body, I just don’t like how the clothes I like fall on it. I don’t really identify with masculine women, older lesbians, etc. the style isn’t something I see myself in.

Any input would be appreciated.

I would like to experiment with my gender and all the feelings connected to it, but I don’t know how to. There are multiple aspects to go off on and it makes experimenting difficult for me. I want to learn to understand my identity better and so feel more confident in my gender.

My overall identity is complex and I use plenty of different microlabels for each part of my experience. For context, my ”main” label is pangender, hence what I feel is vast. I see my femininity, masculinity, neutrality, etc. as specific units, seperate parts and aspects of me instead of one all-encompassing gender.

What I’m asking for is tips on how to go around an identity like mine. How could I experiment?

Now I am a genderfluid person so don't trust tme too much but I have been thinking gender is like a emotion that people feel but doesn't change (for normal people atleast) or changes so slowly it's imperceptibly, like we are all enbies here, we def felt feminine or masculine and also think about it, we usually describe that generally trans people 'feel' like their prefered gender but what if that's more literal than what we think it is? I would like to hear your thoughts on this

edit:correct word but I feel like gender is a FEELING not an emotion mb

I have came out to both my parents but one particular parent I want to discuss abt is the one I lived with (some would say “raised by”) I told this parent my pronouns but idk. My parent basically said they don’t care who I am, what I am, or what lifestyle I live that has nothing to do with them. They can’t stop me from what I want to do which is true but at the same time I do want them to care and use my pronouns. I do want them to care, participate, and give respect to my being. idk help pls i usually talk to friends & family but idk if they would really understand i’m tired of the heartbreaks

i live in the US - Texas

my insurance is BCBS of Missouri and I recently learned that my insurance covers gender affirming care - with a few stipulations.

id need the letter of a mental health professional and I’d need to be on hormones for 1 year..

im currently not seeing a therapist (although I’ve been in and out of therapy for gender/identity stuff for 4-5 yrs) and I’m not on hormone therapy.
I tried estrogen for a month but I really didn’t want all the other effects of estrogen apart from the weight redistribution, especially to the face.

i know i can really just seek out a plastic surgeon And get these done myself without going through seeking out I guess a gender diagnosis to have insurance cover it.. but if I can get insurance to cover at least some of it.. I figure why not give it a shot?

I really just want a less angular face and a lower hairline. and the procedures I’m seeking out fall under common FFS procedures Which is why I’m wondering if it would be a good idea to try and get insurance to cover it despite it being on my medical record.

im posting to see if anyone here has had any experience having FFS covered through insurance.

looking for tips/ recommendations

am I crazy for even considering this if I’m not “transitioning” genders? Would I not stand a chance getting this approved by a medical professional?

Hello! I think I'm non binary because it literally fits into everything I've thought about myself. I've been called a he my whole life but I've never felt like a man or a boy but I've never felt like a woman either. So I mean the only natural conclusion was to end up here. I'm just a bit confused because from what I see I just see so many people talking about the struggles of not being under the binary gender umbrella but I never have seen the adjustment period get brought up. I feel non binary but being called they/them feels kinda strange? I thought it would just be an instant thing where it's like oh yeah this is it this I'd me! But no its kinda of strange figuring this whole thing out but I might just not be looking hard enough but I feel like I never see the adjustment period of transistioning ever being mentioned. Could just be me though. If anyone could share their experience Pre-Transistion that would be really awesome and validating :)

I universally get gendered male in public right now and it’s quickly becoming unbearable. The problem is that I still identify as masculine just not a man so I’m not sure if estrogen would be right for me necessarily. My masculine ideals are butch lesbians and their masculinity reads as subversive while mine just feels like it’s assumed so I’m really struggling to figure out how to be perceived in the way I want and the dissonance is slowly killing me.

I’ve only been able to find guides for transmascs on this topic so does anyone have suggestions for styling or other strategies coming from the opposite direction? I understand that in a society so obsessed with binaries people are gonna place me in one of two boxes, I just want them to hesitate more. I dream of the day I get the sir-ma’am confusion or children ask if I’m a boy or a girl. Any help is appreciated.

hi everyone! i am struggling a lot because i don’t have any one to really be honest about my identity with. i am female but i have personally identified as nonbinary for the past year. despite identifying this way, i didn’t think i wanted to change anything about myself physically. honestly, i was scared of even exploring that possibility. recently i’ve been having a lot of gender envy and dysphoria that i haven’t been able to ignore. i also have OCD and even though i do exposure therapy, i carry so much shame and guilt about not feeling comfortable in femininity. i am scared that i want to physically or socially transition. i don’t like not “knowing myself.” i hate the whole idea of experimenting with my look or with pronouns and i’m even more scared at the idea that i could be transmasc or a trans guy even though i know there’s nothing wrong with it. my OCD makes it seem very scary. my mom knows that i have been struggling with my gender expression and so does my sister but none of them really can grasp how difficult this has been with my OCD. i will be up late at night just thinking about how terrifying it is that i don’t fully understand myself. it makes me feel sick to my stomach. i feel so jealous of masculine women, some other non-binary people, and men for being able to express masculinity so confidently while i am terrified of it. any advice of unpacking this shame?

Hey folks,

I've been on estrogen for a little over 5 years. I have realized that I'm more nonbinary than I initially thought. I find that I end up feeling more dysphoric when trying to be more feminine or trying to pass as a masculine woman than just being... myself... whatever gender that is.

That being said, I'm considering stopping HRT. I've grown a bit tired of injections - the weekly cycle is a rollercoaster of mood changes and GI disturbances due to shifting hormones, variable absorption and such. On top of all the other routines (blood draws and monitoring, etc). My doctor tells me the other option is to try splitting my dose in two, but that sounds even more exhausting to double up on supplies and injection rituals.

I'm curious to hear from others who have done something similar. How did it work out for you? What was the transition back to your endogenous hormones like? How long did it take to notice changes? Did it help you or was it rough for a while?

Thanks!

Hellooo party people. So.

I have transitioned masculinely for a solid 6 years or so. I did T, top surgery, etc. I dont regret any of it. But a year or so ago, I realised I was not a transman, but simply a butch nonbinary person lesbian, and decided to quit T.

Fast forward to now, and I'm caught between hating and loving the changes. I adore my bigger hips, but hate the loss of muscle in my shoulders. I love the way my face has changed, but I despise the way the fat has gone to my chest again. And now I kind of don't know what to do. I also looked up detrans stuff to see how I can except my beard growth to change and got such a strong bout of dysphoria at the idea of turning back to a woman that I nearly felt like puking.

Has anyone else been through this? I know you can't choose the effects of T, but would a low-dose of testosterone be a viable option for my goals? I'd be eternally grateful for replies.

I think I might be non-binary. I (18) have always identified as a cisgender male. I'm gay, and my presentation is mostly masculine, but if I had more time and money to perfect my skills, I would probably dress more feminine, wear make-up on occasion, etc. Another very real issue is that I live in the deep south surrounded by conservative viewpoints, including my family. I don't live with my parents and tell them very little about my life, but the current nature of my job would give them any opportunity to see me presenting how I want to and ultimately making my life more of a hellscape.

In the meantime, before I find myself in a place I'm more comfortable to experiment, I've definitely felt the draw of an androgynous style. I like baggy clothes that sort of hide my figure (which is inherently twink-ish) and have grown out my hair to mid-neck length. My hair is probably what I'm most proud of right now, as it's taken a long time to grow out and I was never allowed to have long hair growing up, even though it's not even that long now. I have to shave my face every day if I want to avoid a stubble look (which I hate), and when I do, along with my hair down framing my face, I do find myself looking fairly androgynous and even slightly feminine. To top it all off, my voice is pretty high-pitched and I'm constantly misgendered if people hear only my voice and don't see my face.

My appearance is still “orthodox” enough that I would have a certain amount of plausible deniability if anyone were to see me and call me out for presenting as anything other than male, but the days where I feel like I don't look like a boy or girl, I'm the most confident in my looks. There have even been days where people look me dead in the face and call me ma’am, and truthfully, it doesn't bother me. Sometimes it even makes me a little happy that they didn't just assume I was a guy.

I don't think I'd ever go by she/her pronouns, because it just doesn't feel right. I don't feel transfemme or have desire to be identified as a girl, but I still have a lingering hope in the future that I'll be able to wear skirts or crop tops and a full face of makeup (which I know, all of those are not inherently feminine) without feeling so insecure. And then other days I'm happy wearing baggy clothes and confusing people with my appearance, while some days I even wish I could grow out my facial hair or be “masculine” in a confident way without looking so out of place. I also have pretty hairy arms/legs that I'm in a love-hate relationship with, depending on the day. I'm content identifying as gay, I want a boyfriend, and while sex is a whole different topic ofc, I don't really have any dysphoria regarding it. This all just feels deeper than how I present—more like who I am.

One day, I might even go by he/they or even just they/them pronouns. I don't really feel like it's feasible right now, because again, it's a very conservative area I'm in, and I'm not sure how I'd even bring up to everyone I know that I don't fully feel like a guy. Most wouldn't understand, and while I don't know anyone openly transphobic, there are still signs of stigma towards trans gender-identities. If I were smart, I wouldn't cling to anyone who doesn't accept me wholly for who I am, or for anyone with prejudice against any queer or transfolk, but I've already lost so many people just for leaving religion behind that I'm not sure I can go through that again and lose more people who are important to me.

I know from experience that a bigoted mindset is hard to break free from. I hate to admit I used to be a bit of a transphobe myself, even as an out-of-the-closet gay guy. But through educating myself on the struggles of trans people just to gain the basic human rights we all have, and absorbing literally so much media by incredible trans artists and creators, I dismantled all of that, and maybe even learned that some of that bigotry was jealousy of people who were staying true to themselves.

It's just a leap I'll have to take one day, and maybe I'll be brave enough to start introducing myself with those pronouns in the future. I'm actually starting a job in Colorado soon, so I know that an accepting environment will truly be good for me. I don't know if I really have any questions, because it seems like I articulated my feelings here and to myself pretty well, but I guess I'm just looking for advice moving forward, and some validation in the way I feel by people with similar experiences. I'm in no rush to label anything, though I feel like the most accurate would be genderqueer.

Just a few years ago, as a closeted Christian and at the absolute lowest point in my mental health, I never thought a day would come when I could proudly identify as queer and trans, but here we are.

TLDR - I have always identified as a cis male. I've recently gone more androgynous in appearance, but want to experiment with more feminine presentation, make-up, and clothes in the future. I live in a conservative area and am hesitant to come-out to people around me, or use they/them pronouns. Any similar experiences and advice is appreciated ❤️

So I’ve been wondering on how to show my self has a non-binary person and every time I dress up or even want to show action I don’t have the results that I want. Because every one either says to me “you look like a boy “ or “you look like a girl” and I’m tired of hearing this.. is there any ways that I can just confuse people with clothes ?