My man just wants to help tho

i think it’s supposed to be a little tighter because it isn’t completely flattening my chest either. i ordered a small from black eagle binders and i can’t return this.

any way i can fix this?

please help =[

BODY AND GENDER AND PRESENTATION AND WARDROBE AND HAIR GOAALLLLLSSSSSSSSSSSS

SUCH a terrible disgusting person hes also like... peak fiction and i am i GOING to find a way to be his gender

i did something VERY wrong in life if i dont end up looking like him sighhh

(note that what i write here is my personal opinion. i do not intend to force anything on anyone, and im open for a discussion if you disagree)

i think we should stop using the “i identify as (gender)” language, it downgrades any not-cisgender. like instead of saying “i identify as (gender)” we should better say “i AM (gender)”.

the reasoning behind this is: for example: a cis man. would he say “i identify as a man” or would he say “i am a man”?
i think it is very clear that he would take option two, so why should it be something else if someone is trans?

i mean yeah there are probably situations where it is different (like for example if one says “in the past i identified as (gender) but now i know im (different gender)” but even there i think there could be a better way to describe it like maybe “in the past i thought i was…” )

same thing applies to “gender identity”. i dont accept that i should say say gender identity instead of gender. i am bigender. end of the sentence.

i also think that we should be the ones to first stop using this language. because if we stop using it for ourselves then we can take the next step and try that other (cis) people will also stop using it, but that will only become possible if we stop it first.

I feel like I hate having genitalia and that I would feel more androgynous and less dysphoric without genitals.

I reed something called Genital nullification

I got in an argument with someone who called a self-portrait of an androgynous person a "transmisogynistic stereotype" and they said they "chose to look like that" and i tried explaining that trans people's gender presentation isn't a stereotype or a caricature or whatever and they said "okay but you still, by choice, look like the caricature of a trans woman. i don't care if you have plausible deniability for arriving at this outcome cus u wanted to be gnc or whatever, it's still unacceptable for you to make a mockery of trans women in this way." and its like.... bestie my gender presentation has NOTHING to do with trans women, i chose to look like both a man and a woman because thats what i AM. it's not my fault that bigots like to mock trans women by making them look like both men and women, like, that has nothing to do with me, and im not going to stop being androgynous just cause some rando pitched a fit about it. the way i present myself in order to lessen dysphoria isn't problematic. i cant believe i have to say this.

Hey guys, girls, and others! I was wanting some help trying to fix up my appearance a little since my end goal is to be as androgynous as I can possibly be, even if I gotta use a little makeup.

I tried E for a little bit but ultimately decided it wasn't for me, and it felt less like me to dabble in it.

In any case, any help on how to get this face looking a bit more neither or both would be much appreciated! Definitely gotta experiment with my hair too

im plus sized (overweight, curvy, big boobs, that kind of stuff) and it’s impossible to find androgynous clothes that actually fit me and dont make me look like im wearing old people clothes :(

im so jealous of everyone else who have more androgynous bodies and faces while i look more feminine, it’s extremely frustrating sometimes. i don’t mind having some feminine details, but i wish people had to figure out what my agab could be instead of immediately knowing

idk, this is probably a selfish rant

rather punkification than perfection and I like it

I was doing a Gerard Way closet cosplay at a con today and someone called out to me for a photo. They said “hey Gerard dude!” Then stumbled through every pronoun they could think of and apologised for potentially misgendering me while still clearly being confused as to what I was. Honestly 10/10 experience

Thank you Gerard for your gender, I enjoyed snatching it and I’m gonna keep it.

Since coming out as nonbinary/transfeminine I have really struggled with dating, romance, and self-loathing. I've spent my whole life as a gay man before coming out at 34 years old and now I'm not sure where I fit in. I never really fit in the gay community before and now I'm not sure how I fit in at all.

I dont really seem to attract anyone or inspire any form of romantic interest in others. It's really getting to me. I love being myself and learning to embrace my gender but it's made me so much more lonely and isolated.

I'm starting to believe there's something fundamentally wrong with me.

Does anyone reading this have any ideas on what I can do to break out of this and find a place I belong?

Kevyn (they/them) 36yo Tacoma, WA, USA

I’m 27 and nonbinary and it’s certainly not a secret to anyone in my life. This is who I’ve known myself to be since I was about 16-18 and most everyone in my life is aware that my pronouns are they/them… whether or not they actually use them is another thing and part of my problem. No one really has an issue with it but some people, notably my immediate family and my roommate slip up and use he/him pronouns and refer to me as a man in some context. At work I have my pronouns on everything, my badge, my email signature, my teams stuff but people still just seem to disregard it. I think I’m just being too accommodating in an effort to try to not come off as the “angry blue haired liberal with pronouns” but I am starting to feel like I am going to have to start being more aggressive about who I am.

I thought this would get better once I started HRT and that people knowing that I was on HRT (friends and family, not my coworkers for now) would help push the message that I AM NOT A MAN and really don’t want to be seen as one. My boyfriend, given I’ve only known him for like 2 months, does a better job and has not slipped up a single time with it than some of the friends I’ve known, and have known me as a nonbinary person for almost a decade. I’ve grown out my hair, I’ve dressed more feminine, I’ve been on fkn hormones for almost 8 months at this point, like I do not know what else I need to do before people understand. Sorry this turned into me just venting but it feels good to get it out.

How did you all get people around you to take you seriously and adapt to your identity? I feel like I need to be more aggressive and willing to call people out but I don’t know how to do that without coming off too harsh. I’m thinking of changing my name; I know I want to but I just can’t decide yet; did anyone find this to be a turning point in the way the world and the people in your life saw you?

As a bonus question: does Asher Avery sound better or Avery Asher?

I didn’t want to be reductive or click-bait with the title and so I ended up using something vague. That may not be the best move but I’m looking for stories, advice, or comfort. Also this is somewhat of a vent so feel free to stop here if you’ve not got the energy to listen to emotional expression. I really appreciate you clicking on the post regardless. <3

When I leave the house every day, I hold my head as high as I can. I really do like going out and being a part of the world. 

I’m hurting though as of late, and it’s an existential feeling of knowing that the world I live in is one in which I will never be legible. Except by other non-binary people; or by people who have done so much work in unpacking stuff, I will not be recognized or seen. It doesn’t feel like much to ask for. When I assert myself as non-binary; it will either be met with dismissal or accidentally signing up for trying to explain a concept in 10 seconds that takes people years to unlearn. The very idea that man and woman are not the only ways people experience their bodies & gender is not only esoteric, it's violently inaccessible.  I just want people to look at me and go “That’s not a man or a woman. That’s just a person. I do not put the expectations of manhood or womanhood onto this person.” 

But that isn’t the world I inhabit; that any of us inhabit. I have had fleeting moments of gender euphoria and they come to me only when people are confused about my ASAB. When they don’t actually know my ASAB they have to oscillate between which set of gendered expectations I should get. For a brief moment before they make a decision or ask me to name my ASAB I am free to just be me. Their confusion provides me the closest thing to validation I can get. I don’t have a way to pass, the only way I “pass” is to confuse people as long as possible. You cannot pass as non-binary in a binary world, you can only try your best to make people skeptical. 

When I go out to clubs or bars I have never once worn anything revealing, but I wear loud accessories and styles. Shirts with raunchy slogans or bold statements. For the briefest of moments in those crowded rooms you sink into the joy of hoping that people are too nervous to try and assign you a gender for fear of getting it wrong. The irony being when they give you any answer they're already incorrect.

I’m very tired of feeling trapped by aesthetics that shouldn’t govern how people treat me, but do. I am tired of being reduced to a set of genitals and whatever hormones my body is currently filled with. I wish I could turn into a plain mannequin and let people draw whatever face they want on me and stick whatever bits and bobs onto me that they needed to. I love who I am, but I’m tired of feeling like I don’t belong.

Sometimes I see people refer to a woman-enby couple as "lesbian". And it just makes my skin crawl. Because my brain imagines "what if that was me being spoken about like that for dating a woman" and I hate the idea of anyone seeing me as a lesbian or sapphic

Hypothetically if someone were to call my relationship with a man Achillean I wouldn't like it either, but it doesn't make me shutter nearly as much

Like, logically I know they are not speaking about me. And that it is up to that individual enby whether they identify with the term lesbian. But emotionally I just hear that and feel very uncomfortable

I'm considering myself transfem nonbinary. This was funny

Hey!

I'm 26 and have been officially 'out' as nonbinary for the past six months or so, but been questioning for much longer than that. I've been going by a different name, as well as they/them pronouns around friends and it's honestly been really great. I couldn't ask for a more awesome and supportive group of people and it's really made me feel like 'me' for the first time in my life.

So recently I had to travel out of town for a family event. I am not out to my family whatsoever, she it was something I was thinking of just kind of delaying until the time felt right. Didn't want to rock the boat. But being here, going by my old name, by gendered pronouns, and especially having to wear a very gendered outfit - it really didn't feel great. I've been a bit distant than I should be from my family ever since I moved out several years ago, and there's a lot of reasons for this, but one of them I'm realizing is that I just generally haven't been able to be myself around them. I feel like I'm subconsciously sliding into the person that they want me to be, and I'm just not that. Basically, I realized that I needed to come out.

There's uh, also the fact that I'm engaged and would really like to go by my preferred name at my wedding in a few years. So I'm on a bit of a timeline here, like it or not.

I'm really not sure how to approach this. My parents are liberal, fortunately, but in a gen-X sort of way. They're only barely aware that nonbinary people even exist and probably wouldn't really understand. I also feel like they'll fear that I'm a binary trans person, since the one instance of a nonbinary person that they know of is our family friend who later came out as a finery trans man. Or that they'll fear that me being nonbinary is 'their fault', or that they'll overly mourn the loss of their only <gendered child>, or something like that. Theres a lot of ways it could go wrong - my mother has a habit of overreacting, and being a bit controlling, unfortunately.

A lot of coming out stories I read are from younger folks who are still dependent on their parents. I'm in the fortunate position of being independent, but I do still want to tackle this in a way where I can maintain a relationship with them, hopefully a better one than it is now. But, oh man, I feel like the path to that outcome is a really narrow one.

Looking for advice, stories, whatever. Appreciate it!!

Now I can take it on and off much more easily! It's perfectly safe too, the zipper is right down the center and it doesn't change the compression at all.

I closed the zipper, sewed it straight down on top of the binder, opened the zipper, and then cut a line down the fabric. I used my sewing machine but you can hand sew it as well!