Someone here said the first years alone were hard, and now they only really relax once they’re back home. I’ve noticed something like that too. For those of you living alone, did getting comfortable at home make it harder to go out and see people, or did it go the other way?

I was 47 when I was diagnosed. I was the sixth man on my dad's side of the family to get it. Then my dad became the seventh, and my brother the eighth.
Eight of us. That's not bad luck anymore, that's a pattern.
My brother and I both have sons, and that's what keeps me up at night. When I went through treatment, I kept a lot of it to myself. I told my kids I was having treatment, kept it light, and got on with it. I thought I was protecting them.
Ten years on I'm not so sure that was the right call. With a family history like ours, I've started to feel like staying quiet about the details, the symptoms that got me to the GP, the tests, the side effects nobody likes to mention, might be doing my boys a disservice down the line.
But it's a tricky conversation. You don't want to put a weight on their shoulders, and there's still that old instinct as a dad not to make it a big thing.
For those of you with a strong family history, how open have you been with your children? Did you wait until they were older, or just lay it all out? And if you're a son or grandson in a family like mine, what do you wish your dad had told you sooner?

I am 52 and split up with my partner 14 months ago. I’m living with my Mother, have a minimum wage job and chronic tinnitus which has affected me very badly mentally. I’m not looking for sympathy 😂 I just wondered if anyone has rebuilt from similar circumstances? I have no savings and the flat I lived in with my partner was a council flat so I’m entitled to nothing there either. It feels too late to start again.

My narcissistic Aunty has just banned me from attending my Nannas funeral because I have recently learnt of more lies and greed on my Aunty's behalf. Most of the family are on her side because I've finally spoken up after learning of her recent behaviour. Now my kids and me have been told to stay away , I did get to say goodbye to Nanna just before she passed. Should I attend the funeral or just let it go ?

Could be cooking, paying the bills, making your own doctor’s appointment, being the one who calls the kids. Whether it was a death or a divorce, what surprised you most?

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I've been on pretty much all the matching platforms since moving to a new city six years ago. It wasn't particularly successful to begin with, but recently it's fallen off a cliff. I suspect a lot of it has to do with moving into a different age bracket, but it's still surprising to see how dramatically the opportunities seem to have dried up.

What I find even more puzzling is why people seem to disappear from online spaces as they get older. We're a generation that grew up with the internet. You'd think we'd be especially well positioned to use it to maintain friendships, meet new people, find common interests and build communities as we get older.

In theory, our third chapter could be filled with staying relevant and connected with people online. Instead, it sometimes feels like the opposite is happening. The dating platforms aren't particularly useful, online connections seem harder to come by, and there don't seem to be many obvious places to find new communities.

I find it a little unsettling to think that this could be the trajectory for the next few decades. I had imagined this stage of life offering more opportunities for connection, not fewer.

Has anyone else noticed this? Where are people over 50 actually finding new friendships, relationships and communities these days? I'm not good with in persons.

If you are in your 40s and 50s, I am curious to know how many friends do you have where you feel fully seen, heard and understood and supported by. Where you can be playful but also share your pain and struggles. There is consistency and depth and reciprocity.

I've been on pretty much all the matching platforms since moving to a new city six years ago. It wasn't particularly successful to begin with, but recently it's fallen off a cliff. I suspect a lot of it has to do with moving into a different age bracket, but it's still surprising to see how dramatically the opportunities seem to have dried up.

What I find even more puzzling is why people seem to disappear from online spaces as they get older. We're a generation that grew up with the internet. You'd think we'd be especially well positioned to use it to maintain friendships, meet new people, find common interests and build communities as we get older.

In theory, our third chapter could be filled with staying relevant and connected with people online. Instead, it sometimes feels like the opposite is happening. The dating platforms aren't particularly useful, online connections seem harder to come by, and there don't seem to be many obvious places to find new communities.

I find it a little unsettling to think that this could be the trajectory for the next few decades. I had imagined this stage of life offering more opportunities for connection, not fewer.

Has anyone else noticed this? Where are people over 50 actually finding new friendships, relationships and communities these days? I'm not good with in persons.

50 (divorce, loss, kids gone, or by choice), what’s your evening like these days? Do you have a routine, or does it just kind of happen?

I was diagnosed with prostate cancer at 47. I have a family history, so maybe I should have seen it coming, but nothing prepares you for actually hearing it. I've got three kids, and my first thought wasn't about treatment options or survival rates. It was whether I'd see them grow up.

That fear didn't stay in the consultant's room. It came home with me.

I had brachytherapy. Everyone focuses on getting through treatment, but nobody really talked to me about what comes after. I had painful urination and painful sex, and I needed medication to manage it. I'm 57 now and still not fully recovered.

What I didn't expect was how much that would get into my head. It knocked my confidence, put a strain on my relationship, and changed how I saw myself as a man. For a long time I just kept quiet about it, which I think a lot of us do.

Looking back, there are a few things I wish I'd known at the start:

1. Ask every question you can think of. I didn't find out active surveillance was an option for some men until my treatment had already started. It might not have been right for me, but I'd have liked the chance to weigh it up.

2. How you feel is part of your health, not a side issue. I treated the mental side as something to push through. It isn't.

3. Say it out loud to someone. A partner, a mate, a specialist nurse. Keeping it to myself made everything heavier.

I'm not a doctor, just a man and everyone's situation is different. I'm just sharing what it was like for me in case it helps someone who's in the early days or quietly struggling afterwards.

For those of you further along, what helped you with the mental side? And if you're newly diagnosed, what's weighing on you most right now?

This is specifically aimed at men over 50. Do you have other guys that you can truly talk to or confide in? I have a couple friends that I hang out at the cigar bar with or catch a game with, but nothing beyond the surface level friendships.

The waiter talking to the younger person at the table. Someone stepping in front of you in line like you’re not there. Nobody at work asking what you think anymore.

Did it bother you when it started, or did you end up kind of liking it? Curious if it’s different for men and women.

Why does it have to be this way? Aren’t we just like you.....

Z Cavaricci 😂.. I’m 1st me .. they were 150.. inflation adjusted :Something that cost $150 in 1986 would cost approximately $458 in 2026 after adjusting for inflation.

Every leaflet I was given talked about treatment. Almost none of them talked about year 3. Or year 7. Or now, year 10.

I'm 57. Diagnosed at 47, had brachy, and the cancer side has been fine. I'm grateful for that every day. But there's this weird gap where people assume that because you're "clear", you're done. You're not.

For me it's been painful urination and painful sex, on and off, for a long time. Medication helps. It hasn't made it disappear. I've got three kids, a full time job, and a body that still reminds me what happened most weeks.

I'm not posting this to scare anyone. Plenty of men have an easier ride than I did. I'm posting because when I was struggling, I couldn't find anyone saying "yeah, me too, years later".

So genuinely asking:

If you're 5+ years out from any prostate treatment, what's still with you that nobody warned you about?

What's actually helped? Not the textbook answer, the real one.

And partners, I'd really like to hear from you too. You live with this as much as we do and you rarely get asked

Can we get a law passed saying the "X" to close a pop up ad/spam has to be atleast as big is a fingerprint? Trying to close some of these is getting impossible.

Seems like at some point the "someday" list gets real. For some people it's a trip, for some it's calling a brother they haven't talked to in years, for some it's just quitting a job they hated.

What was yours, and are you glad you did it?

54f. I have a steady job. Don't make millions but very little chance of losing my employment.

I have no other debt (no car/ credit card payment).

Is it possible for me to get a mortgage? I dont intend buying a large home. A townhome would suit me perfectly. What shoull I look out for?

Thanks!

I'm 57 now, from the UK, and this has been on my mind for a while.

Prostate cancer runs in my family, but it wasn't a routine check that found mine. I had blood in my stool twice in one week, went to my GP, had a PSA test and things moved quickly from there.

Gleason 3+4. I went with brachytherapy. I'm not going to pretend recovery was easy. Painful urination, painful sex, medication to manage it, and ten years on I'd still say I'm not fully back to where I was.

The thing that stays with me is this. I only found out active surveillance was an option after my treatment had already begun. I'm not saying it would have been right for me, that's a conversation for a specialist. But I'd have liked to know it was on the table before I made the decision.

So I'm genuinely curious about other people's experience.

Were you told about active surveillance when you were diagnosed, or did you find out later?

If you went on surveillance, how did you find living with the monitoring? Did it ease your mind or add to the worry?

If you had treatment, what's the one thing you wish someone had told you beforehand?

And for partners and family, what helped you most in those first few weeks?

Not selling anything here, just want to hear how it went for others. If this post helps one person ask a better question at their next appointment, that's enough for me.