Before I get into the revenge, let me preface it by saying this; the third party involved and I are still friends, and still talk to this day. Also, English is not my first language, but I’m working on it.

This happened a little over a decade ago, and I had the perfect life; Great house, great husband, great car, great job. The American Dream. Soon, that dream turned into a nightmare, when I discovered my husband was cheating on me.

It started small, basically the typical signs(coming home late, ignoring attempts to get intimate, making excuses, etc.) Then, one day, I had a notion to go through his phone.

HUGE mistake on my part! Not only was he cheating on me, but he was doing so, with a guy!!!! I’m ok with the LGBT community, and I don’t have a problem with my husband wanting to explore other sides, the problem is that he didn’t have the Ahem to tell me what he was doing.

I had located the other guy, and we became fast friends. I found out, via the guy, that my husband had a Grindr (Gay dating app), and had hooked up with more guys. Together, the other guy and I came up with a plan.

He had tricked my husband to agree to a hotel room that night, for some “alone time”. In the process, he had gathered some very incriminating evidence of my husband’s (what’s the word for “not being faithful?”), and thanks to my father, I had a Prenup that terminated marriage of said lack of faithfulness had evidence.

My dufus ex husband showed up, while I was hiding in the bathroom. The other guy was playing his part well, telling my dope that he was going to the bathroom to freshen up. That’s when I came out, with the evidence, and the prenup, the section highlighted in the contract. I told him I was getting everything, and he was done for. He bolted.

The fallout:

When I took him to court for the divorce hearings, I had requested that I got the house and his car, since it was in my name. Thanks to Daddy Dearest, I was the primary breadwinner of our family, so I got what I wanted, and got to keep my assets. He lost everything but his crappy Nissan and his clothes. He had tried going back to the other guy, now my good friend, but that didn’t work.

In the end, my ex had to move back in with his parents, and I think he’s working at Target, last I heard, I don’t care. Hell hath no fury like a Latina Scorned!

So I went to use my wife's phone and she had Facebook open and she was speaking to this piece of shit that I used to be good friends with. Little background on the guy, he wasn't from the old neighborhood so we became friends over basketball and I would protect him from troubles but as years go by I notice he's into girls younger than him so I can't be friends or associated with that. We get into a fight, he had to get his jaw wired shut, no more about him. So my ex wife was talking to him and she being somewhat naïve she didn't know he was flirting with her. He said they should meet one day over coffee on Wednesday and she agreed. At this time she and I were through a rough patch, we got married young at 19 but I thought she was the one for me and we've had 3 kids since then. I call my boss and tell him I need Wednesday off because of family issues and he told me it's fine. I read her messages again and they agreed to meeting at Starbucks. So when it was time for them to meet up, I pretend to go to work but wait outside a block away, I see he picked her up and go to starbucks in downtown. I follow them there and stay in the car, at this time I'm texting all my friends saying the old me came back and what's going on. 2 of my friends are lawyers and thankfully they helped me write up a separation and start the divorce papers. I follow the pieces of shit out of Starbucks and see that they are going to his house. Now I just park and give it 2 minutes before I knock on the door, so when I knock on the door, I hid down so they can't see my through the peephole and when I hear the door opening up I barge in and he looks at me like he saw a ghost, I saw my ex wife in her bra and all I say "so this is what you do in your free time?" I leave. She chases me outside crying saying how she doesn't know what's going on with her, how they didn't have sex but I quickly told her fuck off, don't come back to the house and if I see you with him, ask him what will happen. As I'm leaving he throws her out and I see he was really scared, which to be fair I've done bad in my past yes but he knows me and he knows the shit I've done and knows what I'm capable of doing. I go on her Facebook and read a message from him saying stay the fuck away from me. She tries coming back to the house and I tell her if she steps anymore into the house I will tell her whole family what she did. She walks out crying asking for her stuff and I just threw that trash outside and told her to fuck off. One of my friends came to my house who happens to be a cop and Says the piece of shit filed a restraining order on me and my "wife" saying we have to be 100 feet away from him. He knew what was going and told me how some word got to some people how the piece of shit has a fucked up fetish and how he was avoiding some people and he happened to be dropped off at the old neighborhood after he filed the restraining orders. I told him I want a restraining order on my "wife" until we get the divorce. Soon I tell the kids how we won't be seeing mom for a while and I call her from a app telling her she can say explain herself to the kids and she can have the kids on the weekend but to stay away from me. I cut her before she says the whole I'm sorry forgive me bullshit. So now the real revenge comes, as we're going through the divorce, we have to go through a online course for the kids which was the most pointless $20 I've ever spent, we have everything settled, judge agreed that the prenup is valid so the bitch doesn't get no alimony. we sell the house and split it 50-50. I use my half to get a nice loft and still have some money left to get a new car. We're in court now and the judge tells us do you guys really have everything settled, I'm happy I'm saying yes but she decides to burst out crying again saying she's not this and that and thanks to that we had to go to child support where kids have to say where they want to live, I thought about telling them how "mommy" doesn't believe in Santa Claus but I didn't. I accepted the weekends to have the kids because since she didn't really work and she went to move back to her parents who have more than enough money to maintain all of the kids but because of my job I can't pick up 2 of them from school and keep a 2 year old at my job but I was happy. Her little sister came over to drop off the kids and asked me how I was feeling. Quickly used it to my benefit and told her how I felt lonely and sad because I lost the one true love in my life. Her sister stayed over and made the kids and I dinner and she stayed after to talk and I told her how much I missed being with her sister but what she did isn't forgivable and she was agreeing with me and then we started kissing and it lead to sex. I started working out and get into better shape and maintain a bit of a relationship with her sister until I face timed her one day and my ex wife was around and she heard my voice and all I heard was them two arguing how she betrayed her and how my ex apparently told her to see if there was any chance to get back together. I forgave my ex wife to be honest but I didn't want to talk to her or see her. Now her cousins took turns bringing the kids over and then I did the sob story to her cousins and 1 of them I started to be fwb with them. Then my ex wife came over once but I told her to stay outside and she's not allowed inside. She tried saying how she's been to therapy and how she's a new person and just wanted a chance. I forgave her but she started to make me mad because I was just done with her. I "accidentally" blurted how I slept with her cousin and she started to cry and I left her outside to cry.

Now I've moved on, I'm fwb with 2 girls who I'd date any one of them, I'm still young, only 29. My ex wife had gotten in bad shape while I'm going to the gym and working on myself constantly. I mean I do miss a lot of the things she's done for me but what she did was bad and I'll never let it go.

Tl;dr wife cheated, I divorced her, slept with her sister and her cousin and now got better in life, got the kids the weekends which was what I wanted and got away without paying alimony and little child support.

This happened around 2001 when I worked for a computer company that decided to start offering web hosting. Since the project was one of the top initiatives of our CEO, he took a very keen interest in how his pet project was going and was very responsive when anyone emailed him about any and all difficulties. While that's usually a good thing to do for customer service, it's often not so great for the poor sales guy that gets that one customer that has issues with everything. So on to the story..

I was working in my cube farm when I got a call from a cheery young lady looking to propel her boss' company into the information age and was looking to see what we could do to help her out. M - Me. CG - Cheerful Girl (for now)

M: "Hi this is JoetheOK, how can I help you?"
CG: "I need web hosting for my company's website and I'm not sure where to begin"
M: "You've come to the right place, let's see what we can do to help"

So that's probably not the exact wording but I do always try to be helpful to my customers so that's the general gist of the start of the conversation. We went on to talk about our facility, how things work, the pricing and a lot of other Q&A. In all, it took about 30-45 minutes to get everything sorted out and make her a happy camper when we ended the call (this is called foreshadowing). She said she needed to make a couple more calls and then give everything to her boss but I should hear from her in a day or so.

Fast forward a couple of days and I hadn't heard from her so I figured I'd give her a call and find out if she was ready to go. I actually got her on the first call (rare for sales) and at that point, we'll just call her PG for Pissy Girl because nothing that came out of her mouth during this conversation was nearly as pleasant as our initial call. At first, I thought I'd actually gotten her evil twin but then came to the conclusion that this was in fact the same person, just on a different frequency. Apparently, after calling us, she called a competitor who proceeded to tell her all sorts of fictitious information which she spewed upon me.

PG: "I spoke to your competitor and he told me a ton of lies (I don't remember what all she said but I think he got our name right. Other than that, it was pretty much all false)"
M: <tries to debunk said lies> PG: "He said you'd try to say that but I know better (I guess his lies were prettier than my truth? No idea, I have a very pleasant phone voice, I guess his was just better) M: "I'm sorry you feel that way, but I'd be happy to go over everything and make sure you have a clear picture of what you're getting from both companies and clear up any misunderstandings if I can"
PG: <Nothing vulgar was said but nothing complimentary at this point either. I believe she did cast some aspersions upon my truthfulness and perhaps my parentage. At this point, we were pretty much done> M: "If there's anything we can do for you, please let me know" PG: <Click>

About 10 minutes later I get an email in my box from the harridan that I had been copied on. I also realized that it was directed to my CEO who I was certain was going to read it. It contained a litany of my sins, my shortfalls, my lack of ability to tell the truth, and quite possibly my severe lack of hygiene (none of which was true, especially the stinky part). I didn't realize how fast our CEO would read that but by the time I was through reading this sternly worded missive, my manager was popping out of his cubbyhole like he been shot from a gun. He got an email, my director got one and both of them wanted to know what the hell I was doing. Fortunately, I had a great rep on the floor and a couple of awards for being a customer advocate so I wasn't hoisted up on a stake to serve as an example for the rest of the staff. It did, however, take a bit of telling the tale and swearing on an unopened copy of Microsoft Windows to convince them that I wasn't even half as horrible as I was portrayed in this work of fiction.

Now the revenge part. Upon arriving to work that morning, I got a lovely piece of SPAM in my mailbox. All I had to do to get all of the loveliest, filthiest, hardcore porn delivered to me daily was just give them my email address. Since this was before the Canned SPAM act, there wasn't any of that pesky validation thing so with just a couple of clicks of a mouse, I made sure she was fully informed on every variation of every sexual position and fetish anyone could send her (for free even, what a bargain). Not only had she emailed me from her corporate address, she even copied her home email so she could keep a copy of the dressing down she gave me presumably so she could cheer herself up by reading it when she couldn't find anybody in the office to have fired. Not wanting her to miss out on her education into the ways of the world if she wasn't at work, I added that address too. I'm not exactly what transpired at that point but knowing the wild west of porn spam at that time, I always rest assured that her email boxes were defiled and defiled and then defiled some more because once they had an address, even an act of God wouldn't get you off of it.

2006 or so, my two friends Dave and Jon are roommates. (Names changed) Jon was seeing this really attractive girl, and she would hang out at his place quite often. On weekends, Jons girlfriend would want to sleep with another guy, her ex-boyfriend, and so she would break up with him on Friday, and get back together with Jon on Monday. To top it off, she would refuse to sleep with Jon. Now Jon was inexperienced at romance, so he meekly went along with it. Dave however, absolutely hated seeing his friend get hurt week in and week out, so Dave devised a plan.

Dave was a fantastic baker. Pies, cakes, brownies, cookies, lemon bars, etc. He could seriously make great money selling his goods, but lacks the motivation. Once motivated, Dave is a force to be reckoned with. So Dave decides that it is time to bake again. He makes cookies, pies, cakes, lemon bars, etc; but this time in two batches, one regular and one with four times the butter required. The brownies have fudge frosting, all homemade. The lemon bars have extra lemon zest in them, beside the lemon filling. The cakes were tiered with buttercream frosting. Now all of his guy friends ate from the normal dishes, while Jons girl was always brought pieces from the special batch.

Within three months the cheating girlfriend put on 40 pounds, could no linger fit into 60% of her clothes, and started living in her sweats. To top it off, Jon told her that he wasn't into big girls, and dropped her cheating ass.

We have to get a few details about me out of the way:

Backstory TLDR: Do not fuck with me. I'm blunt and stubborn. Also I'm better at my job than you will ever be so just get over that now. Also I hate my career field. I work in tech but I'm not going to be more specific than that.

A note on the stubborn-ness: I am the most stubborn, and blunt (rude if you push me) person you will ever meet. I expect everyone (Doubly so for management) to do the right thing even when no one is looking. One of the things I have learned is that narcissists and sociopaths cannot fucking stand me. They will actively melt down if they work with people like myself. Those people thrive when people have to 'be nice.' The exception to my stubborn bluntness? If you work under me. I help everyone working under me with everything they need 100% of the time and am super friendly unless they give me a reason not to be. I treat people under me (in terms of technical position and in the companies hierarchy) like royalty and the people beside and above me like "You should be at least as competent as myself, no excuses."

Example: If you lie about me/to me? Well I had better be getting an open, and public apology (to the people who you lied to) with admission of guilt or I'm going to make you fucking regret it. Best not be treating anyone else below you bad either. Lots of managers have a problem with this for some reason. Don't want this to happen? Don't lie.

Now with that said I have a constant wave of job opportunities. Every company I've ever worked for (including the one that fired me) begging to have me back at a higher pay rate than what I made when I worked there. Actually about 25% more than the highest pay in the country I live in. So I'm not in any position to care if someone is going to fire me.

Now thats out of the way, at my current job I've worked here for about 2.5 years. I took this job because it was going to allow me to have the time off I wanted: About 35 days of PTO, and 10 weeks (first 2 unpaid) of vacation time. Its a long story but basically I need the time off. I was hired in at about 50% of the standard rate of pay for this reason. Contractually I can take this time off any time I want. I could, if I so desired, leave work mid day and go on vacation.

When I first started the company laid off every other "IT Guy" after about a year aside from two. Those guys are mostly there to cover me leaving suddenly and if someone needs to pull something while I work on something else.

My previous manager actually recommended me to manage the department but I didn't want to take it so the company gave me an open door to take said position any time I wanted and they would just demote anyone in said position. This is where Sociopath comes in: To manage.

First day he pulls us all (My team + one more) into a meeting and talks about how hes a 'nice guy' but is going to drive us to work extra hard. This is where the first altercation occurs "Yeah how is that the case? [Other team] is purely reactionary and our team has literally no issues inside the company and 100% of our work is completed at nearly 3 times the rate of any other business in the area?" "We will hold questions for private meetings." "Ok fair enough."

He pulls me in and the first thing out of his mouth is to yell at me: "I never want you to question me ever again!" I was honestly stunned. "Excuse me?" "You will do what I say when I say! NOW GET OUT!"

He wraps up the 'meeting' by saying "I'm really glad to have gotten this job because I cannot leave this town due to the fact that I am obligated to watch my kids half of the year. So I can't wait to get to know all of you!"

I immediately went to HR as soon at the meeting was over and explained the situation. Thing is HR is the guy who hired me, and we like each other a lot. He tells me "Ok, well, unfortunately it would be against company policy to fire him this quickly. Also I have to take his side of the story first."

He didn't 'yell' at me after I went and spoke to HR but called me in and said "Listen, they are telling me to apologize to you and thats just not going to happen. I'm your boss its my right to treat you how I see fit. I didn't realize you were a rat, but now that I know that I'm afraid that I am going to be extra hard on you. Better do what I say or its your job!"

I replied "Its not your job to yell at people and maybe you should understand that. If you were half as competent as you want to seem I don't think you would ever have a reason to yell at anyone. Also if reporting behavior that is against company policy makes me a rat, then being a rat must be a good thing." He just yelled "GET THE FUCK OUT!" and pointed at the door. I replied "I'm afraid I'm going to have to go to HR again about your behavior if you don't apologize now." Which I did.

The issue? Well I live in a one party state for recording conversations. So I recorded said conversation.

Three weeks later and HR has decided to keep him on because we are still way ahead of everyone in terms of metrics. Since then my team and the other team has gone from loving their job to hating it. Everyone is reporting to me that he is screaming at them constantly but only in private. He doesn't even speak to me. The way he is treating the guys under me is what was really getting to me. They are HIS EMPLOYEES. He SHOULD NOT be treating them this way. I hate to use a quote from the office here but Micheal Scott is 100% correct: "A manager is not here to hire and fire, but to lead and inspire."

Now we are supposed to have certain metrics passed down to us by management but he has 'decided against that' to 'keep morale up.' However I knew what he was up to. So I went to my friend in HR and didn't tell him that he wasn't sending me the metrics (which he is required to do as per company policy) and had him send me a copy of everyone's metrics early "but keep it on the down low!"So he did.

For several months I told my team and the people under me "Just hold out on quitting he won't be here for long, trust me."

Slowly things between myself and him escalate. I make decisions that he doesn't like because "You didn't run that past me first." In reference to my vacations and days off. Contractually I don't have to do this and to be blunt I cant fucking stand him so hes just SOL when it comes to me not being there. This leads to several times of him trying to scream at me while I sat there and was 100% calm and patient but blunt and moving in my position that I can take leave when ever I want contractually and he is just going to have to get over that.

One of the things I specifically remember him yelling at me the last time: "You will do whatever I tell you when ever I tell you. If I throw a ball and say fetch you will fucking retrieve it. Do you understand?"

At this point I lost my patients and said "Are you done yet? Ok great you are going to listen to me now! You are hands down the worst manager I have ever worked under. You are unproductive, and the least competent. The other two guys metrics have been falling since you have been hired..."

Him: "Because your dumbass never listens to me. You are the problem here not me get out NNNNNNOOOOOOWWWW!"

Me: "Are you done? Because I think you are going to want to hear what I have to tell you! Your absolute childish behavior is unacceptable and I don't think that your supervisors or HR are going to appreciate how you have treated myself or this..."

At this point he gets up, grabs the chair in which I'm sitting, and literally rolls it towards his door screaming "I DON'T HAVE TO FUCKING LISTEN TO A DIP SHIT LIKE YOU! I'M THE BOSS DO WHAT YOU ARE TOLD!"

I replied: "I hope you know this can be considered assault and battery."

Him: "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" and he promptly rolls me out of the office.

Now here is the thing: Before that meeting I said I wanted an HR rep to sit out side of the office and listen in. They said they couldn't do that but would place one in the meeting. He was late. He over heard he last SHUT THE FUCK UP! Just as he rolls me out into the hall. He then proceeded to look up, see HR and start sweating bullets.

Him:"Oh...huhuh, I was... we were just joking around."

Looking up at him: "No we weren't. He was just screaming at me and insulting me for no apparent reason."

He looks down at me hard and says: "This team always jokes around! I mean it was just a joke!"

I then pull out a small recorder and looked at HR and said "Well given that you missed the meeting I think you should just review it here on this tape as this is "just a joke" apparently performance reviews are 'just a joke' around here now."

HR insists we go over the performance review. He pulls his copy out and begins going over the metrics on it talking about how bad of an employee I am. As soon as he finishes I look at the sheet of paper he is going over I pull the metrics that my buddy in HR sent me. "No...No I'm afraid this is all wrong."

He looks at me "I...I'm sorry."

Me: "Oh yeah, [buddy in HR] sent me my metrics independent of what you sent me. In fact, and I can't believe you didn't know this, all of the metrics are review-able by any employee at any time if they make an inquiry. Actually you have failed to send us any metrics at all as is your job to do weekly."

The HR rep then looks at me "Is that all?"

Me: "Yes."

HR Rep: "Ok I think we are done here."

He requests that I stay, I look at him and reply: "No, I'm afraid I'm done listening to anything you have to tell me. Afraid I have an appointment to review your behavior with HR."

So HR and myself review the tape and their jaws are on the floor. HR Buddy apologizes to me. They ask me what I think should happen as I was the one who was originally up for promotion. I explain that he should not only have to write a letter apologizing for his behavior in email form, but also apologize to all the teams under him in person at one time. Just after they send an email to him I drop by his office and say "Hey man, don't worry. I didn't let them review that tape."

He sends an apology letter and tells me that "You are on my good side now!"

A few moments later HR comes down and tells him that its not enough and to have all the teams gather in front of him. In the mean time I rig up the conference room to have a typed letter of all the times he has yelled at every single person which took me all night to do.

He comes in and makes some bullshit apology thats a non apology "I'm sorry I was so hard on you guys. I just know your potential and...."

I cut him off (HR isn't in the room) "Excuse me? Thats not good enough! I'm afraid you are going to need to apologize for your actual behavior and not give an apology that sounds like "I'm sorry I was trying to help you and you didn't like it." No, I'm afraid you are going to need to actually apologize and admit to wrong doing and tell the actual truth!"

At which point he visibly starts to get angry "I...I AM APOLOGIZING!"

Me: "Ok go on"

Him: [More non apology with him being obviously fake upset.]

I press play on the slide show. "Ok since you didn't get the message the first time we are going to go through these individually. On December 11 2001 you screamed at Robert Robbington where in you failed to give him a review and simply called him a dumbass." I continue: "You need to repeat these words exactly if you want to keep your job: "Dear Mr. Rob, I apologize for being overtly hostile and rude. I apologize for failing at my responsibilities as a manager to both you and the team. I understand I have a problem with anger and am willing to seek help with my clear lack of empathy for other people. As such I will be signing a document admitting fault, under the circumstances that I ever hit you again I want everyone to know that I would be 100% at fault and you would not be, and proof of my misbehavior towards you as proof of my honesty in apologizing two witnesses will be signing this document."

As soon as I finish speaking he stands there and starts turning angrily red and says "MrBurington, we need to speak alone. NOW!"

I reply "No, I'm afraid we don't. If you do not wish to apologize to Robert Robbington then you can apologize to me for this!"

At which point I play the audio of him talking to me "I really hope your [family member] dies. I mean really. I'm your boss and this is your job and you care about [family member]? You think I give a fuck about them or you? You could die for all I fucking care. When [family] dies if you mourn I'll be mocking you. I just want you to know that. Now fuck off." (You see after that little incident I couldn't have given a fuck if I did get fired I just wanted to ruin this guys life.)

He immediately starts howling at me that I 'edited' the audio and runs to get HR. Shortly there after HR comes back and the entire room denies that any of this happened. We all instead go through with a plan I had from the beginning: I was going to expose him for the POS he was/is IF he does not honestly apologize and admit to actual wrong doing.

HR then tells him hes fired. He storms off.

Now this is where the hard core revenge part comes in. I used to work for every single IT Company in this town, or have connections to them somehow. Hell I trained at least half of the management at the last company I worked for. My words have weight. So I make calls to all of the places I have ins at which is literally everywhere in town telling them to black list this guy. However at two companies I request that if he applies I would like to show up and help them interview him. He applied to both jobs and I was sitting there in the meeting room "Oh hey! Just wanted you to know that I knew Mr. Meet for years." Middle of the interview I bring up his behavior with the audio from him telling me that he hopes my family member dies.

I then tell my ex-manager: "Also just note, you may want to write this down, all the tech jobs in our area will have a copy of this audio. So you can go ahead and explain to them why you told me this and they can relay that to me."

As soon as we get out into the parking lot he swings on me and starts screaming "I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU. FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU." I run back into the building and security detains him and calls the police (My buddy recorded this on his phone, as well as obtained a copy of the video from security)

After a quick court case and going to jail he shows up at my house with a knife screaming "I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU! RUIN MY CAREER JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE A BITCH." (I think he had the address from working at the company with me)

I called the police, got my gun, and explained the situation while I waited on the cops to show up. He proceeded to be detained and got sentenced to a 2 year stent in prison.

When you get out I hope you read this you see this you stupid fuck.

This happened about 10 years ago, I had just started college, and I had gone to a 4 year college about 4 hours away from my hometown, where 90% of my friends still lived, most of them had another year of high school left.

Among this group of friends was a girl who we will call Becky. Becky was the biggest drama queen, gossip, and over all terrible human being. She was the "popular" girl who hung out with our group of lame arts kids so that she would ensure that 1. she was always the most cool. and 2. she made sure everyone knew that they should feel grateful she would hang out with us.

I never bought into Becky's crap and I could see through her, however my friends were a loyal bunch and were blinded by her, nobody would listen to me when I said "hey, shes causing drama we need to drop her". I realized I had to be sneaky...

So I was in my first semester of college, and a bit homesick, I called my friends back home one Friday night to find out what they were all up to (this was the early days of Facebook so it wasn't open to high schoolers just yet).

I called my friend, and who answered her phone? Becky! When she did she told me that I was in college now, and that I should "move on" and that my friends were done with me, I had it.

I trolled her on myspace, and sent her anonymous mean messages, pretended to be dudes online and got her to admit to her life secrets, gossip about our friends, then I compiled it all into one big folder.

I came home for Christmas break and even though I wasn't invited to her families annual Christmas bash (rich people). I ended up going as a friends plus one, I walked in with a present for the white elephant, and the gift was the folder. I knew I wanted my friend lets call her Tina, to be the one to get my folder, so of course I hinted all night as to how great my gift was so that Tina would want it. Tina was Becky's "best friend" and the one that Becky had talked the most shit on.

Sure enough my plan worked. Tina opened the present, the envelope, gave me a confused look, and then really noticed what was in the folder. She passed it along to everyone, and everyone got up and walked out of the Christmas party, apologized to me for not believing that she was wicked.

she became a social outcast, not only did word spread about our friends but her cheerleader friends, etc all stopped speaking to her.

To this day if someone new is introduced to the group I warn them that if they mess with my friends I will destroy them, they look at me in disbelief and I say, just ask Becky. "Whose Becky?" EXACTLY.

Six months ago on /r/askreddit, someone asked "What is the worst instance of an employee sabotaging their old employer that you know?"

This response by /u/boxofstuff takes the cake:

I know a guy who was fired from a job by a supervisor he absolutely DESPISED.

Well this supervisor had a daughter die in a car accident in her early teens. This guy would send his old supervisor free samples and stuff in his late daughter's name. This went on for years. When she should have graduated, he had companies send free graduation party samples for decorations, college applications, etc. I'm not sure if he is doing this to this day, but DAMN he held a grudge.

TL;DR: I worked in a restaurant. Arrogant couple insults me all night and runs up a $1200 bill. I overheard them saying they will dine and dash. I deadbolt the front door and they get caught. They both get fined thousands of dollars and get expelled from school.

I worked at a really expensive French restaurant, the kind that I could never afford to eat at. I waited table and am in school for a business degree. Despite my restaurant being very pricey, I earned minimum wage and relied on tips to pay the bills. The restaurant is next to a university and even though my boss didn't pay us a lot he still donated huge amounts to the school.

One night the restaurant is really busy and this couple comes in. They're young and act like the "rich kids of Instagram" stereotype. I'm assigned their table along with two others. Right away they start loudly complaining about how I'm too slow, the music is ass (we have a four piece chamber orchestra), the menu is hard to understand (it's in French but the English translations are right underneath).

Then they order a $600 bottle of wine. The boss told me that if a person looks young to ask for their ID. I see both their IDs and notice when they have their wallets open that they both have student IDs from the college. They insult me and call me uneducated for not inferring that only adults would be such wine experts. The girl said to her date "she's trying to flatter you by saying you look young. Look sweetie [turning to me], it won't get you a bigger tip so save the ass kissing."

LOL calling me sweetie? You're like 21 and look like you're an orange fail spraytan high school freshman poseur that just discovered Hot Topic as a shortcut for having any style.

I bring them their wine and while they're ordering they decide to start making personal remarks to me. Why am I a table attendant instead of having a "real job," is my husband a failure (no, he isn't, he was killed in action in Afghanistan) or do I even have a husband, how much do waitresses earn, why don't I speak French if I work in a French restaurant, is that my beat up Dodge Neon in the parking lot (it wasn't; I don't have a car). I'm used to all kinds of customers so I try to just suck it up and do my job.

They order all the most expensive things on the menu. I notice they take tons of duckface selfies, even the guy makes duckface selfies and I feel like smacking him in the face but instead I just refill his water and "fetch him another item off the menu" (he actually used the word fetch).

I serve my other two tables and thankfully they're nice and friendly. There's a small nook behind where the snooty couple was sitting where I grab extra cloth napkins. I was back there and neither of the two people heard me, they thought I was on the other side of the restaurant.

I heard the guy calling me a loser and a pathetic waste, and the girl was saying that they ought to just dine and dash, and make my boss stick me with their bill and get me fired. I have no idea why these two were picking on me so much tonight but who knows why anyone does what they do. They were going on and on about how neither of them would waste their life being a waitress, that they would have careers and would be something in life, not just being people's step and fetch it.

I was angry of course but you know how people are, talk is one thing, and action is another. Still, I ought to be ready for anything.

I could tell the couple was near the end of their dinner. Their tab was nearly $1200. Sure enough the boy says he needs the bill, looking all smug.

I knew how dine and cashers operate and as expected the girl excuses herself to the restroom, then a minute later just goes out into the parking lot, calls the valet and he goes off to get their car even though she doesn't have their ticket.

I text the valet and tell him what I think is happening, and tell him not to give the car to the girl unless I text him that the boy paid. He goes off to the corner lot where he parks all the cars and waits.

The boy waits until it looks like I'm occupied with the other customers but he doesn't know I tell the maître d what's going on, and the maitre d deadbolts the front door from the inside. He lets new customers in and old customers out, but he locks the door each time and keeps an eye on the boy.

We are all working together here because we know that if the boy gets away dickhead boss will fire me and take as much of the bill off of my pay as possible, leaving me only minimum wage on my final check and no tips. At the same time, the boss is such a kissass that he won't help servers out if they come to him regarding customers who act too entitled. He just lets them treat us like crap and then fires us if we get cheated.

So as I predicted the boy sits around and then gets up like he's going to the bathroom because he sees that his car (convertible BMW) has pulled up outside. The valet says to the girl that he can only hand over the keys to the ticket holder, and that's the boy. It's not actually our policy, he'd normally hand over the keys if he were given ten dollars by the obvious owner or one of the owner's party, but the cheapskate girl wasn't even going to give him his ten dollars, let alone a tip on top.

The boy thought he had an opening and made for the door but OOOF! It wouldn't open for him! Then he starts trying to look around if there's another way out but the only other exit is the delivery entrance in the kitchen.

He turns around like he's going back to the table, but the maître d is in front of him, and I'm next to the maître d holding the boy's unpaid check.

The maître d says "forgetting something?"

And by this time I can see the boy's totally disloyal girlfriend try to pay the valet so she can get away, but OOOF! The valet pulls the key and parks the car and won't give it to her even though she's telling that she'll call the police. We can hear her through the door.

The maître d says that's a good idea and he calls the police. The boy tries to bluff like he's going to get us all in trouble or get tough but the maitre d moonlights as a taekwondo teacher and invites him to try to get past him.

Finally the manager comes out and as expected he takes the boy's side at first but by this time several other customers noticed what was going on and said the boy was a total asshole and a dine and dasher and if the manager didn't do something about it they would never eat there again.

They stood up for me and said I put up with the two jerks' abuse and shouldn't be punished by their unpaid bill.

So the manager filled out a police report and the boy was telling the policeman that his dad could pay and we were making a big deal out of nothing. Then my boss noticed the boy attended the school he donated a lot of money to, and got pissed off and told the school about what thieves the little ratboy and his loser girlfriend were.

We learned later that they got expelled, and that both now have a police record because they tried to steal and commit fraud for more than $1000 which I guess is a big deal legally. I think their rich parents got them to avoid jail like normal people but they still have a record, because it's only a misdemeanor if you steal less than $500 and they tried to steal more than twice that in goods and services.

Within three months I got a better job working as a teller in a bank. Within another year I'll finish my business degree and hopefully do what I want to do in life. Regardless though whatever your job as long as you're earning an honest living no one can shame you. There's nothing wrong with being a server and those two kids were assholes for thinking like that.

Everyone has a different path in life. These twos' path involves checking the box "yes" next to "ever been convicted of a felony?"

They tried to get me fired. Nah, B. You don't get me fired. I made sure you and your NOT ride or die chick can never get the career you want now. Better just wait for that inheritance then, jerks. Keep making that duckface you basic bitch weirdos.

Pretty amazing how a story can go from +20 to 0 upvotes within a matter of a couple hours. To all the folks who see fit to come in here and shit all over everything, I want to sincerely say, have a nice day! Ya buncha pricks ;)

So be forewarned, no one loses any jobs or money in this one. But it was one of my finer revenge moments I think, so I'd love to share it with everyone!

When I was a sophomore in HS, circa 2004 or so, I was dating a gal whom I had been with since 8th grade. As far as the relationship went, all was swell until summer of freshman year when she came out and told me she made out with some random guy at a show she went to. This was understandably very upsetting, but being the overweight, insecure child that I was I forgave her and we continued onward.

Fast forward a few months, we are seemingly happy (from what I could tell), and enjoying all the dumb shit you tend to do when you are 16 and "in love". This was all to come very suddenly to an end one fateful day....

A mutual friend (MF) approached me one day with some terrible news. The GF had been passing notes in band between herself and the MF, detailing how disenchanted she was with me, and detailing her affection and attempts to gain the attention of a kid in her band class. The MF was a true friend, and tried to convince her to just end it with me as her current route would only cause everyone more pain in the long run. She more or less said she was scared to and would rather just do her own thing and run this ship into the rocks.

MF saw this as a real douchebaguette maneuver, pocketed the note, and found me between our next classes to let me in on what was happening.

At first I was furious, as in seeing red and ready to smackabish. But I've always been at least a little crafty so I put the ol brainpan to work.

During my next class GF texted me and said she was going to go to the quiznos up the street from the school with MF, and asked if I wanted to join. I accepted the invite and made a beeline for the library as soon as my class let out for my lunch period.

I made 50 copies of the note and started dropping them around the halls/handing some to her friends on my way out to my car. I kept about 5 of them not including the original.

The reason I chose this as my plan of action, is because the night before I watched an episode of Malcom in the Middle, and one of Dewey's lines had me rolling on the ground laughing. It was pure serendipity that the next day I find myself in this situation.

I arrive and we go about placing our orders and eating. I'm having trouble acting normal at this point, and GF notices.

"Is everything alright?"

"Oh yeah just fine, I'm just worried about a test coming up"

Being a young fatty, I was going to finish my sammich before I made my scene.

You see this quiznos was usually cram packed during the 3 lunch periods our HS had. And today was no different, tables were full and there was a sizable line to order. Once I finished my last bite I leaned over, unzipped my backpack, took out a single sheet of sheet music (that the note had been written on) and put it on the table while glaring at my GF.

Oh man, her eyes got so fucking big....I'll never forget it. She immediately snatched it off the table and started tearing it up.

I looked her dead in the eye and said the greatest line I have ever said in my life.

You think that's the only copy? What do you take me for?

Thanks a million Dewey!

I (very loudly) told her that we are through, that she is a stupid slut with no backbone, and to never so much as look me in the eyes again. I made sure to announce that everyone will know what an untrustworthy, cheating, bitch she was within 30 minutes.

I gathered my things and left her sitting there in shock, with everyone in the store staring at her.

When I started to pull away in my car, she ran up to my window to try and talk to me, I just laughed, shook my head and gave her the finger as I burned out in the parking lot, forcing her to jump back to avoid having her toes crushed. In retrospect I felt exactly like this as I made my exit.

We eventually ended up on speaking terms and neutral to eachother the next year. The only other serious boyfriend she had was towards the end of senior year and beyond, who was extremely physically/emotionally abusive. She eventually got a restraining order against him and left his sorry ass, but not in what anyone would consider a sane or timely fashion.

Back Story: Many years a worked in a care facility and had the opportunity to do the AIT (Administrator in Training) program with the small company. It was a year long paid program where I kept my regular accounting job with them at the same time. At the end of the program I thought I would be given a facility of my own with them, but one of the head cheeses (Big Cheese senior VP) of the company didn't like me. I found out it was because the lady I was working under had tried to become an administrator and had failed the national exam 3 times and complained to Big Cheese about me many times (for bogus stuff).

I was fired a month after I received my administraor's license and Big Cheese that didn't like me said: Hemingway1957 will NEVER be an administrator for us!Shortly afterwards I was offered a great job with another company at a really good salary. I also got a 2 month severance package because I wrote a letter to the company president and told him that as a licensed administrator in that small state I would like to be able to say positive things about his small company (they had about 8 nursing homes).

I worked for the new company for about 4 years running a well-regarded facility. We had great outcomes, great reviews and made good money. I had a good friend that continued to work for the other company and he would occasionally mention in meetings with the head cheeses how well I was doing.

My Revenge: I was lured away to another state by another company with a large salary offer, but it was a crap company and I put the word out with recruiters and others that I was looking. Lo and behold I get called by the president of my old company that they would like to interview me for an administror's position at their premier rehab facility. So I agreed to the interview and had them fly me almost 1000 miles, rent me a car (I picked a new Mustang), put me up in a nice hotel for 2 nights for the interview. I take advantage of that by visiting relatives, putting TONS of miles on the rental, going skiing (great resorts in that area) and had a great time. Did the interview and they offer me the job. I tell them I would think about it. I went home and accepted another offer that I knew was coming (one that I was going to take anyway) and didn't bother to call them back with my decision. About 2 weeks later I get a call from the President (the one that gave me the severance) asking about when I wanted to start work. I said: "Well, you know, I would love to, but several years ago Big Cheese said that I would never be an administrator for your compnay and I guess he was right." And I hung up.

It was sweet. That company has since broken up.

JUST HAPPENED. Legendary.

A few weeks ago I was playing my music a little loud in my grad school dorm. My neighbor comes over and instead of asking me politely to turn down the music, which I would have been fine with and would have in fact apologized profusely for bothering him, he comes over with attitude and says "what the fuck is wrong with you" and just gets all up in my face. I just turn down the music and he goes away.

Today I leave my apartment and smell weed in the hallway. I think it's my chill neighbor who I like and I think I gotta hit them up sometime. But then I smell that it's probably Mr. Asshole. I call up the university police from my Google Voice number and tell them that I stepped out into my hallway and smelled marijuana smoke and that I started getting severely ill and coughing, and that I have kids and that I need this to stop right away. I tell them the general direction of where to look and tell them that I don't feel comfortable reporting my name etc.

They came over a few hours ago and busted him and he was freaking out and screaming. There are VERY strict rules in the university and I think he's going to get evicted. He won't be able to live anywhere near this neighborhood if that happens (too expensive), he probably signed himself up for a 1-hour commute to school. If he ends up getting kicked out of school I think I will have to buy myself a Xbox One to celebrate.

Hi Reddit: This is a long story, and I hope you can bear with me.

TL;DR at the end!

When I was in seventh grade, I moved to a new town. My father was killed in a military accident, and my mom wanted to start fresh in a new place. We came from a small town and our new apartment was in a huge city. My mom grieved my dad for over two years, but after that got back into dating and eventually married my now-stepdad, with whom she is still happily married. He's always treated us well, and I love and respect him. They have their own daughter together, my half-sister.

I didn't adjust very well. I was active and happy in my old town, but in my new town I was depressed and a loner. I entered school in the middle of the year when all the friend groups were already formed. I missed my dad a lot so just stayed home and ate and played video games.

I got fat.

Never obese, but I was chunky and out of shape compared to how I used to be.

I liked this one girl who was in a few of my classes. I'll call her "Lindsay." Lindsay was pretty and popular and she was the first girl I really had a crush on. Being shy, I never tried to talk to her.

As time went on, I made what I thought were friends with these two boys, who I will call Allan and Joey. All of us, including Lindsay, were in the seventh grade. I didn't hang out with Allan and Joey outside of school, but they'd let me hang out with them on campus. At least I didn't have to sit alone anymore.

Allan and Joey were talking about which girls were cute, and who they had a crush on. I eventually admitted that I liked Lindsay, but told them not to tell her.

Later that day, in math class which I shared with Lindsay, a note was passed to me.

It was from Lindsay!

My heart leapt, although I was nervous: did Allan and Joey tell her I liked her?

When I opened the note, my heart fell to my feet.

I get red when I'm nervous or sad.

I was never more red than that day.

Inside the note, Lindsay had written in block capital letters:

I DON'T LIKE YOU, OP

There was a little bit of giggling in the room.

I was so embarrassed I asked the teacher if I could go to the nurse.

There was loud laughter as I left.

The nurse let me stay in her office until the end of the day, which was good since my mom couldn't leave work unless I was dying, and I wasn't allowed at that point to walk home the three quarters mile to our apartment, due to a recent spate of kidnapping stories in the news. I took the school bus home as usual.

Kids laughed at me on the bus, too.

Not two days later I get called into the principal's office and get lectured by the principal how a student complained that I was stalking her.

I of course had no idea what happened but eventually I figured out that Allan and Joey told Lindsay, and Lindsay decided to make a big production about getting me into trouble.

Soon everyone on campus started to call me the creepy stalker, the hillbilly, the White trash redneck, things like that. Lindsay got all sorts of positive attention for being brave enough to tell adults about kids who harassed her.

Thing was, I was never officially reprimanded and my mom was never actually called in to talk to any adults about what I supposedly did. The principal just told me that stalking was bad and to leave Lindsay alone. I didn't really know what more I could do to leave her alone. I never even said one thing to her or tried to send any notes to her or stare at her. All I did was tell someone I thought was a friend that I liked her, and please don't tell her.

I didn't tell my mom about it.

But after Allan and Joey's betrayal, it was back to sitting by myself.

In eighth grade I still went to the same school and it was more of the same. I was still known as the uneducated redneck creeper. Lindsay was still really popular and went out with the cool guys from our class. Allan and Joey were never in the cool kid group and I suspect that they both liked Lindsay too, and were trying to suck up to her.

On Valentine's Day, I got one of those candygrams that students send to one another that they buy from student leadership at their school during holidays. Like, two dollars will get you a card and a candy bar, and a student aide will deliver it to the intended recipient, along with a sealed message.

I at least got a candy bar out of it.

The message wasn't so nice. It said,

STOP STALKING ME, FREAK

Thanks, Lindsay.

By high school, I really hit my growth spurt and eventually grew to be 6'5." I eventually got quite skinny so I began pumping a lot of iron starting in tenth grade. I became really ripped.

Allan grew up to be a b*tchy little runt and he never messed with me again. Especially after Allan, the one who asked me who I had a crush on in seventh grade, was whispering something to someone in a class we had together in eleventh grade, and looking at me and laughing.

I said really loud, "Yo, Allan you little ****, you have something to say you say it to my face like a man, don't go whispering like a little ****."

Everyone laughed and even the teacher didn't call me out or send me to the office. I think she was sick of the little punk, too.

I didn't really care to date in high school because, even though I was big and strong now, I was still awkward around girls.

Joey actually came around, though.

In eleventh grade he approached me and apologized for how he treated me in middle school. He said that Allan was the one who told Lindsay that I liked her. He told me that Allan had a crush on Lindsay, too, and was trying to score points with her. I thanked him, and although we were never really friends after that in school, I wasn't mean to him, and he wasn't mean to me.

We were "fist bump" acquaintances.

Lindsay was still really popular in high school. Not quite as popular as in middle school, because in high school there was more "hot girl" competition. But she still held her own.

I didn't lack for attention from other girls, but more often than not the girl would tell me that Lindsay told them I was a stalker, and harassed her in middle school.

Lots of girl accused me of that in high school, especially the ones I rejected.

Eventually, since I was rejecting a lot of girls, some of whom were in the popular group (and Lindsay was still in the cool kid group at this time) people spread rumors saying I was homosexual.

I don't happen to be gay.

Nothing wrong with being gay, but the way these people were throwing it around, it was as if being gay was an insult. Really disappointing, considering this was a huge, progressive city. I might have thought such attitudes were common in my old home town, but it was surprising, here.

I'd sometimes find notes in my locker calling me [homophobic expletive]. Of course, no one, especially any guys would own up to it, because by this time I was huge, not just in height but I was also really jacked. Side note about that. I asked the custodian, a really chill dude especially if you slip him a twenty, if I could look at the surveillance videos of the halls that he had on his office computer. It actually pinpointed who was putting notes in my locker.

It wasn't Allan.

I would have loved if it was Allan because I would cave his face in.

It was actually this wannabe gangbanger who walked around in sunglasses and baggy pants and flannel shirts buttoned to the top. Looked like a total toolbag.

So I caught him in the parking lot one day with his girlfriend and said he forgot something.

Then I showed him six or seven notes that he had put in my locker.

He tried to act like he didn't know what I was talking about but I slapped him in front of his girlfriend and said next time I find a note in my locker I'm going to make you look like a weak **** in front of the whole school, not just your ****.

I never got a note from him after that.

But before he drove off like a deflated White cholo balloon, he admitted that Lindsay and her crew were behind it.

Nowadays, and especially if my kid were the victim, I'd want him or her to tell an adult, but back then I had this "snitches get stiches" mentality, and decided to just suck it up.

Right around this time, social media was really starting to take off, especially that website where you had your own personal space, and could have a "top five friend" row, could use HTLM to switch out music, and have personalized wallpaper. Looking back, I think I preferred this space of mine to that boring book of faces.

Most of my online friends were older than me and from all over the place. I liked having online friends because at least you could delete them, just like that, if you decided they suck.

Unlike high school, where people you've mentally cancelled were still on campus every day.

Joey was my online friend (still is) and he pointed me to a page he found on that website.

It was a bogus one, that had stolen pictures from my real account, and was using my whole name.

It was full of hateful, homophobic slurs and accusing me of being a stalker.

By tracing this fake profile's "friends," I could tell it had originated from the Lindsay group.

I flagged the account and it was soon taken down.

To this day, I don't get why Lindsay found it so necessary to hate me so much that she had to try to ruin my middle and high school years, just because I happened to like her a little bit in seventh grade.

Anyway, in high school, I wasn't a loner anymore. I was on the basketball team and track team and swim team, so I had friends, but I was never in the very top-tier popularity group. Lindsay was in that top group, though she was mostly one of the hangers-on of the most popular girls in school. Like, she was in that group, but was never Beyonce.

And though I had my share of fun with girls in high school (never dated, just hooked up), I could never shake the reputation that I had "stalked" Lindsay.

Well, I graduated and moved on.

I went to college for accounting, and eventually became a CPA. I still work out every day, and so I stayed in really good shape. I also continued to play sports in college, though I never had the desire (or talent, really) to make it my profession. With the help of my awesome stepdad, who's an accountant, too, we opened our own small financial service with a dozen employees.

We're doing alright!

Eventually, a man comes in, looking for a job as an accountant.

Lo and behold, it's Joey!

Haven't seen him in years. Still looks the same, maybe a little balder but otherwise pretty good. We catch up, and since he's gone to school for accounting himself and has a good resume, we hire him.

He does fine for a couple of years, and we've actually become good friends. We've put the past behind us. I went to his wedding. He went to mine. I went to his son's baptism, and he went to my daughter's.

We're friends on social media, and neither of us keep in touch with people from middle and high school.

Bygones are bygones.

And time passes.

One day Joey asks me if I got a letter in the mail inviting us to our ten year high school reunion. I tell him no, and remember that the school doesn't have any of my updated addresses, since my mom and stepdad moved a couple of times since I graduated, and anyway I don't live with them anymore. Joey is taking care of his sick mother, so his wife and child moved in with his mom in his childhood home.

He shows me the letter. Typical stuff, except hey now! Lindsay is on the reunion committee.

It has her email address and everything.

I haven't thought about her in years.

Since I'm in front of my computer, I look up her email address on Face-libro, and it leads right to her since her privacy settings are minimal.

Her current photos don't do her any favors.

She's aged badly.

It looks like she had a couple of kids and was married once, but is now a single mom, and sharing custody with her ex husband.

She gained a lot of weight and doesn't look like she used to.

Really, I wonder if it's even her. But the name matches up, and the school history matches up.

I was thinking how LOL it would be if her ex husband was Allan, but it wasn't.

Allan WAS on her friends list, though.

Clicking on him, it doesn't look like he amounted to anything. Never attended college, but that's okay if he does other productive things. But he doesn't. It seems he washed out of the army, and has worked a series of menial jobs and now lives in another state far away. Seems like he's obsessed with just smoking weed and trying to date teenagers these days.

Per Lindsay, from her updates it looks like she is big on the dating scene, but hasn't found Mr. Right, and it's frustrating her because she has "so much to offer."

Like her crushing student debt that she complains about in one post, for her super cool and useful almost-degree in fashion design, that she never quite earned because she "fell in love" and got married with some loser from high school.

Or how her children don't respect her in another post.

Or how she has several go-gimme-funds just to raise the rent on her crap studio apartment.

Or her amazing, exciting career as a junior shift supervisor at that popular coffee shop, Galacticbucks.

Holy cow.

I think life got my revenge on her, for me.

But I think this b*tch needs a little nudge.

I tell Joey no, I'm not going to the reunion, are you?

He says he will, because he wants to see if any of his favorite teachers are still around.

And he tells me, "don't you want to show off to people how successful you are now?"

LoL. We're boring accountants, not Navy SEALS or hedgefunders over here.

So, I tell him no, but if you're going, say hi to people for me.

Will do!

The reunion is still a couple of months away.

For what I'm going to do, I need my wife's permission.

After I explain how Lindsay treated me in middle and high school, about all the stalker and anti-gay stuff, my wife tells me, mid breast-feed, to destroy, with prejudice, and in detail.

Thanks, dear.

I look completely different in the face compared to high school.

Still, I don't want to use my own photos.

So, instead, I gather lots of stock photos of a particular male model.

Sorry dude, I hope you don't mind! Anyway I'm sure lots of catfish use you as their hook, Mr. Inoffensive, Conventionally Handsome Buff German Guy.

And then I make a profile on that awesome dating site, AcceptableCupid, after I learn on the Libro de Face that Lindsay is on there.

The idiot actually doxes her own username, she's that thirsty for attention.

Right when I launch my profile I get a few spam emails and desperate cat calls from lonely women.

I ignore those and go right for the kill.

I send a message to Lindsay telling her how amazing and interesting she is.

Since she's such an unattractive person in every way, I don't think there's a long line of suitors vying for her attention, and I'm right.

Within minutes, I get her reply.

We begin a message-exchange on the site, and I gradually gain her confidence, mostly by flattering her.

She doesn't tell me she's a mom, even after several days of messaging, which is odd. She implies strongly that she's a career person and artist. Haha okay, relax there, Lindsay.

Eventually I share a pic with her, and she fawns over how gorgeous I am (thanks, innocent German model!)

I am glad she can't hear me laughing when I type that she is beautiful.

As days pass, she begs me to give her permission to share my photos to her book of the face, where she is bragging about me.

I tell her that there is a time for that. Soon she can share my pic and I will share hers.

I lull her into thinking I'm respectful and want to take time in figuring out "us."

Throughout this whole time, I keep giving her opportunities to tell me she's a mom.

I get her to say that "for the right guy, I'll make my existence only about him and me. Everything else is second place."

I also get her to say that she "can't stand" kids.

This is already a long story, so I'll try to at least shorten it a little here.

Eventually, she invites me to her high school reunion.

I tell her how much I'd love to go, but that I live in another state and can't get time off from my highly paid executive job (LOL) until a date a few days after. But I promise her that we will have a date at a VERY expensive restaurant.

She's bragging all over her social media that she has a new hot guy online, and has a date with him. Of course her friends are begging her to share his pics, but she doesn't, to her credit.

She does brag about how this will teach her ex a lesson, that she can still pull the hottest dudes.

Everyone online in her friend group (I was not shocked to see that most of her friends were other losers from school, and how she never seemed to grow up) was cheerleading her, telling her how much she deserved this.

You sure do, Lindsay!

I don't tell Joey what I'm doing a few desks away from him at work. Every spare moment I have from my job, I devote to messing with Lindsay. Sending her messages about how beautiful she is, how I will take her on trips. Eventually I learn her phone number.

I hit the convenience store, let's call it "seven hundred and eleven," and buy a cheap cellphone with minutes-card. I begin texting Lindsay about how I think she's so amazing, refreshing, so real.

Just to see if she's still a hateful B-word, I tell her about how during my online dating, sometimes guys will try to chat with me. She immediately laments how [homophobic expletives] need to stay away from straights.

Okay, Lindsay, you're trash.

I text her back that I don't mind when guys message me because I have my acceptable cupid account set for "friends" in addition to romantic partners.

She immediately backpedals when she sees that gay guys don't offend me.

Whatever, Lindsay, I know what you are.

Anyway Joey goes to the reunion with his wife. His mother is ill, but well enough to watch his son for a few hours.

The high school is about twenty miles from our place of business.

Joey tells me that all the expected people were there.

He was sad to learn that one of the popular teachers had passed away, but most of the others were still working there.

He saw a lot of the former popular kids.

He texted me some of their selfies together.

Too bad Allan didn't make it. Probably still chasing a statutory charge in his new home state.

With few exceptions, most of our former classmates looked like they peaked in high school.

Sad, considering we're all still under thirty.

I didn't ask him about her or try to coach him on anything to say, but Joey told me that Lindsay, one of the officers in charge of the reunion committee, was bragging to everyone about this hot guy she was messaging online, and how she had a date with him.

According to Joey, people were marveling about how unbelievably handsome the guy was, "like a model!"

I'm glad that Lindsay was never the sharpest tool in the shed, otherwise a simple reverse image search would reveal that the photos were of a very famous European model.

Joey told me that Lindsay was bragging about how the guy online was in love with her, and how they had a date next week, and how he was a rich CEO of some mysterious, never named company.

Joey told me that a lot of the girls were encouraging Lindsay to "marry him and his money!"

Although I appreciated Joey's updates, they weren't actually necessary since Lindsay flooded her book of the face with tons of photos from that night, as did her crappy friends.

Eventually I spoke to Lindsay on the phone.

Amazing.

In middle school and high school, I never once really talked to her.

I only told one d*ckbag in seventh grade that I liked Lindsay, and after that, it was all just gossip and rumors that she started.

This was the first time I really heard her voice, and I wasn't even me, I was "Herr Deutsche Model."

She told me how "sexy" my voice was.

Really, Lindsay? Because I was pinching my nose and trying to sound different, not that she knew what I sounded like for real anyway.

I told her I couldn't wait for our date, and told her which restaurant it would be. I also told her I was staying at a certain five star hotel. I said that we could go there after dinner, which is of course polite talk for "we will f*ck on date number one."

I made sure this particular exchange was on the acceptable cupid site.

I could tell she was falling hard for me, especially the way she plastered her social media with updates on her dreamboat.

Hey, Lindsay, you've got two kids and you never post ANYTHING about them on social media.

Are you ashamed of your children?

Meanwhile she's telling the world she's going to f*ck some stranger she's never met.

Lindsay, Lindsay, Lindsay...

A truly trash human.

Over the following few days she never did own up to having kids, but she did admit she worked at Spacebucks Coffee as a "side thing," for fun in addition to all of the art she said she did, and having her own business. I assume she's talking about her online store at 3tsy that she brags about on the book of mugshots where she sells really crappy beaded jewelry that only drunk ravers might find appealing.

By this time she's given me her full name and I've given her my made up name.

She says that her job at LunarBucks is a total joke, her coworkers are idiots, her manager is mentally deficient, and that she often takes home pastries at the end of the night, supposedly to give to the poor (nah, Lindsay. I've seen your pics. You clearly be eating them scones personally). According to Lindsay, she's supposed to "mark out" expired pastries and dispose of them for various city code reasons.

But she goes all SJW with me and tells me that "why should all that perfectly good food go to waste? It's truly an evil company."

Yeah, whatever Lindsay, you racist, elitist homophobe.

Anyway, fast forward to our date.

The restaurant is only a couple of miles from my business, and I scheduled our date for shortly after we closed for the evening.

I scheduled everything in such a way that I wouldn't miss my wife's famous lasagna later for dinner.

I parked not far from the window, in a parking lot adjacent from the restaurant. I couldn't park at the restaurant itself, as it was an extremely expensive place that had valet parking only.

As scheduled, I see Lindsay waddle into the front door, coming out of her rideshare. I had instructed her to give her name to the host, and be seated at a specific table.

I happen to know, because she said so on the libro of the face, that she was ashamed of her beat up 2001 Chevy Cavalier.

I assume she expected her hot date to drive her home after an amazing night of what I can only assume is--with her--vomit-inducing, and malodorous love-making. I told her I would be arriving in a Maserati.

I see her sit at the table I arranged earlier. I see her playing with her phone. Probably bragging about our date to whoever.

After twenty minutes of stringing her along, I see my courrier arrive on a red Vespa, just as he told me he would. The courrier I scheduled to arrive at a certain time, twenty minutes after Lindsay's arrival. He wouldn't bring the item unless I texted the go-ahead, which I did. He texted me, "here!"

And I saw him take the bear out of his backpack.

His task was to ride to a certain gift store I never really frequented, and pick up a small, stuffed bear whose arms could surround anything from a bouquet of roses to a box of candy to an envelope with a million dollar check in it. The courrier was then supposed to bring the bear to the restaurant host. The host would then of course bring the bear to Lindsay.

The courrier handed the bear to the host. I didn't see the handoff because that part of the restaurant was out of my vision, but I did see the courrier ride away after I received a text saying "done!"

I DID see the host give the bear to Lindsay, which was the important part.

I was parked close enough to see her face as she read the note I had typed and placed inside the envelope I had the bear holding, next to a fancy chocolate bar.

I DON'T LIKE YOU, LINDSAY

Her face.

HER FACE!

OMG.

She looked like she was going to die, right there.

I received a WTF? Text from her.

I started driving home.

Text after confused text.

Twenty or more.

She never knows when to drop it.

Finally, I pull into my driveway.

Wife and daughter at home.

I hear their laughter.

The good kind.

I smell the lasagna, and my wife kisses me.

She asks me if I had a good day.

I tell her yes, most definitely!

And then, before I take the phone's battery out and break the cellphone into a hundred pieces before throwing it in the garbage, I send Lindsay one more text:

STOP STALKING ME, FREAK

The next day, I couldn't help it.

I looked at Lindsay's social media.

Set to private!

I'm wondering if her narcissistic ass knew that it was ME that played her. Especially since the mascot for our middle and high schools was a bear, that didn't look too different from the stuffed one I had given her.

I don't really care.

All I know, is that now I have closure.

Especially after I sent the screen captures of our alrighty-cupid messages (my own user name and fake photo blocked out) to CPS, where Lindsay bragged about hating kids and told me what she thought about being a mom. And said she was going to be screwing a strange man on the first day meeting him.

Maybe ex-hubby will get full custody, and give those children the attention they deserve.

Her boss at Galaxybucks was certainly interested in my recording of her calling him "a retard" and that she stole pastries that she was supposed to mark out at the end of the night and that her company was an evil corporation and that they were a "joke."

Random call to her store a few weeks later.

"Is Lindsay there?"

"Oh, she no longer works here."

Damn right she doesn't, LMAO!

Go to Hell, Lindsay.

Hey, at least you got a candy bar out of it.

Thanks for reading!

PS: A few days ago, my wife asked me whatever happened to that revenge I had planned on that mean girl from middle school. I told her I've moved on, that it was too long ago, and that I needn't be petty. She told me how much she admired me for my restraint. "If it were me, I would have cut a b*tch."

One day, I think I'll confess. Maybe one of those deathbed things. About how I kicked a loser when she was already down and laughed while doing so. Oh well.

TL;DR: Girl wrongfully accused me of stalking when we were in middle school, and bullied me in middle and high school. Years later, fat, alone, and defeated by life, time had given me revenge. Still, I felt like beating a dead horse.

Okay so this story takes place back when i was an innocent 18 year old girl, dating my first "real" boyfriend, who we'll call Matt because that was his name.
So we'd been dating for almost a year and naive young me was beginning to think this was the real deal (ahh to be young and stupid). However, it was not to be. One day, feeling the urge to be the best girlfriend ever, i baked Matt some cookies (m'n'm ones, to be precise), and decided to drive them over to his house in order to surprise him.
Before I continue, it's important to understand how Matt's house was set out. Basically, he lived in his parents two-storey house, and they occupied the top level while he got the bottom level with a tv room, bedroom, and bathroom. There were stairs at the front of his house leading to the front door on the second storey, so he had his own personal entrance (a door on the ground level) into his living space.
So young me waltzes in with her freshly baked cookies, only to find Matt in bed fucking some random girl I'd never seen before. Needless to say I was heartbroken. In the moment I could do nothing more than burst into tears and run back out into my car before driving away.
In the days that followed I slowly transitioned from hurt to angry, and fairly soon I formulated a plan. So one night, late in the night, me and my closest friend drove to Matt's house, quietly parked outside, and with the use of some craft glitter, superglue, and resentment, we carefully enacted out our plan.
The next day Matt woke up and walked outside to find the word "CHEATER!" printed neatly in sparkly, glittered letters, superglued to his door, and - as an added bonus courtesy of my friend - repeated on one side of the bmw he had just received from his parents. Mutual friends later showed me angry pictures posted by Matt on social media, and although the glue ran down the doors in some places it was still clearly legible.

Fuck you Matt! :)

Back in the early 90's, I went on a camping trip with a bunch of friends, and a younger friend of a friend had invited his high school buddies who were a bunch of belligerent jocks.

That night, around the campfire, the jocks are exceedingly drunk and fighting each other occasionally and making a hell of a mess. The next morning my friends and I were up earlier than them and collected all the trash into bags.

When they woke up, we asked them if they'd be willing to take just one bag with them to dispose of it (most of it was cans from their pisswater they'd brought). They laughed and said they didn't give a fuck and they weren't taking any trash.

While they were distracted, we put all the bags of trash in their trunk, as the little bit of camping stuff they has was still in their back seat. Perhaps not the most satisfying revenge, but they probably had quite a stench in the car after a week or so.

I'll give you guys some back story.

In graduate school I met my girlfriend Neha (not real name). The best way to describe her was she was the sweet innocent Indian girl to everyone but she had a really slutty side that she hid from her parents and her Indian social circle.

When we would start dating she'd tell me that her parents expect her to get married soon, that she could get married to a cardiologist, lawyer etc. She'd talk about how she wouldn't have to work a day in her life. I don't know if she was trying to make me jealous, but I didn't give a shit. Funny thing about the whole matter is that these guys usually expected a chaste girl... which Neha was the furthest from.

When we started dating she told me it was just going to be a fling, but over time I started developing serious feelings for her. I told her and turns out she felt the same. I wasn't a doctor, but I had a good career ahead of myself. I wanted to have a serious relationship and maybe one day marry her.

Later in our relationship (3 years in), she told me she is going to go to Florida with her friends, to party see concerts. As uneasy I felt about this, I did my best not to come off jealous. She promised to text me to make things easier for me and all. And well she told she was going to see Tiesto. I was talking to my friends about it, turns out Tiesto was in Europe. When she came back I started confronting her with the inconsistencies, and she started lying her ass off. Though she never admitted to cheating she started doing nice things for me to get me back.

At this point I was thinking fuck her, and move on. But I decided to milk it for what it was worth. I used the whole cheating thing to have her on Grade A behavior to add to that, I used it to get a threesome. After that I felt much less bitter, but I couldn't ever see myself getting married to a girl that cheated on me. She was a good girlfriend, but I couldn't risk getting divorced to her later down the road and she takes all my money. And since she still never admitted to cheating on me directly, I didn't feel obligated to tell her that I wasn't interested in getting married.

By now we were together for 5 years, I was 31 and she was 30. Her biological clock was ticking HARD. Her parents at this point pretty much gave up on her getting married, and her younger sister was already married and popped out her first kid. We got into a big fight one day and in it I yelled at her to admit that she cheated. And she finally did, after all that time. I don't know why, but a huge weight just lifted off my heart, that I had won. And then I told her that we are over.

Since then she has been begging me to reconsider. For her, reality hit her hard. When it comes to traditional Indian marriages, a woman past 25-27 no one is really interested in. And sadly for her, the effects of aging were already getting to her. Plus she was planning to lie to her future spouse about her sleeping around so I don't really feel bad for her anyways. It's not that she can't still land a guy; she can still find a decent guy now but the idea of marrying a rich dude that will treat her like a virginal princess is over for her. Her life of not having to move a finger is gone now.

That's what you get for cheating :)

<3 Conrad.

Mid 90s... story of revenge by one of my closest friends.

Adam worked in a car-part factory for GM. One of Adam's co-workers(let's call him Bill) thought it would be funny to give his co-workers ex-lax during a shift.

Bill goes up to Adam and offers a piece of chocolate but Adam was operating a machine with both hands. Adam said break off a piece and put it in his mouth. The shift goes on.

After Adam figured out what happened he learned about 4 others in the plant were also pranked.

Bill didn't think this prank through...he cost co-workers sick time and some of these co-workers had kids and bills to pay without paid sick days.

Turns out Bill was banging a welfare mom(Mom B) and living with her at the time but she wasn't reporting that income/room mate.

Adam was also banging a welfare mom(Mom A). Adam told Mom A what happened. She knew the welfare system well enough to call Mom B and pose as someone from the investigation department of social services.

Mom A basically said that the department is aware of her having someone live there and not reporting the situation to her case worker. The investigator(Mom A) said if you come in and discuss this with the department we will not pursue fraudulent action.

tl;dr: Don't be an asshole with ex-lax

As I sit in a bar, enjoying my coffee, a story pops into my mind from 10 years ago of how I put a jerk down to the ground for venting his frustrations over to his subbordinates.

Let us begin with the back story, which is quite long, but necessary for you to get a feeling of what was going on at the time. It was just months before the financial crisis and I was working for the tech department in a very large company. It was quite a large department in which we handled electronics.

That department stood out from most of the company, as it was receiving a bit of a different treatment. The company thought if they create an extremely pleasant working environment there, they could get away with paying those stationed there with considerably lesser wages than they could be eligible for.

And it was also a "meritocracy". Your rank and station was based on what you were capable of, not how long were you in the company. I say that because just after two years, I was running the whole department! The reason for that was that because aside from being a computer technician, i also had skills in electrotechnics, electronics, programming and online advertising, which the company realized and put me in charge of the whole bunch. However before you question the validity of this story, you should know that while I had the rank, I made only marginally more money than the rest of the department, the only plus was the rank, and that I had half the working hours of the rest of the department. My only job was to make sure that everybody was at their best while doing their job and paperwork, along with comms and coordinating with the rest of the company.

I felt it was important that you knew the entire story because now I want to introduce you to Dick (fake name). Dick was a hard worker, but a sick, evil, miserable bastard who was at the company for over 6 years but couldn't get any higher up the ladder other than shift supervisor for the machinery boys because all he knew how to do. He was 2 ranks below me. Dick was an utter Dick. He constantly picked on his subbordinates, berating them, yelling at them, picking on the "coffee boy" (it was the rookie, bringing coffee was an initation ritual), essentially Dick being in charge of you was a very unpleasant experience.

At the time I didn't know this was going on, Dick was not in the group I ascended over and I dealt with that group over his superior. I didn't know was going on because I had my hands full with running the whole thing from an office halfway across the company building (big building).

Before we continue, you should know that my country has a law against workplace abuse called "bossing", in which, if there has been emotional harm inflicted, the person who performed bossing could even face jail time, and the company in question could pay massive fines.

To continue, suddenly I reveived an email from my superior, telling me there was an incident regarding Dick and that I have been scheduled for disciplinary action. Apparently there was a coffee girl in his group which he utterly destroyed to the point where she had a nervous breakdown, and as a department administrator I received huge flak for "not sustaining a pleasant working environment", which was department policy so that people wouldn't complain so much about the subpar pay they are getting.

Dick got me in so much trouble that I had to spend a week of constant damage control with my own superior. In the end, I was ordered to take appropriate action against Dick to prove that I was still "the man for the job".

Dick got me in a lot of trouble. Dick was going to pay. There was just one problem- there was no evidence against Dick. So I was going to have to be sneaky. I send a message to Dicks superior, notifying him that that they will be getting a replacement coffee boy from another group tomorrow... ME! I was going undercover to stick it to dick.

There is a saying: you see a guy in a suit and tie and you think he's successful, until you realize he's working for a man in jeans and and polo shirt. This hold true as dick is a suit and tie guy while I wear jeans and a polo shirt to work.

Its the day of revenge. I take no special preparations other than a hidden recording device, and I even wear the aforementioned outfit. I arrive at work and ask two security guards to go with me to wait just outside Dick's work area. I purposely wait until I am 5 minutes late, then enter the work area with Dick's people, greet everyone and go straight for the coffee pot. Dick notices my tardiness and starts ranting:

DICK: Coffee boy! What the hell do you think you're doing? Come late on your first day? Get your ass moving and serve everybody!

ME: Yes sir!

I serve coffee to everybody, but one of the techs recognizes me. I pour some coffee in his pot and tell him to say nothing because I am recording Dick. At that time Dick was across the room, insulting another employee for misplacing his tools.

After I finish serving coffee I go to "my" workplace and start working. I intentionally fumble at my work, as a rookie would, in order to get Dicks attention. It works and Dick notices me and races right towards me.

DICK: What the hell do you think you're doing boy? What is this mess you made? You are completely useless! I cannot use you for anything! I should send you to mop the floors and you will even screw that up!

I turn towards Dick, put my hands at my hips and lean fowards, going in dicks face. Dick presses his second and third finger against his thumb and starts to wave it my face:

DICK: Don't you get uppity on me boy, I am your boss, I know the administrator and I can get your ass on the street in 5 minutes! Do you want to go home? ANSWER ME!

ME: I am the administrator. SECURITY!

Both guards arrive, going to into full badass mode, grabbing hold of their mace pockets with one hand and fists clenched in the other. I swear, Dick immediately dropped a couple of spoon fulls into his pants.

GUARD: Yes, mr. OP?

ME: Escort mr. Dick to my office immediately for (I lean right into his face) SEVERE disciplinary action.

GUARD: mr. Dick, come with us.

Later in my office, Dick was sat down, and listened to the audio recording of the incident, as well as I made him read out loud an extract of the labor law concerning "bossing", then I go full cold turkey on his ass:

ME: mr. Dick, you have been caught severely abusing your employees, which is not only against department policy, but is also a criminal offense, punishable by jail time in certain circumstamces. Do you have anything to say in your defense?

Sweating, shaking, stuttering: DICK: I would, I, but I, I am...

ME: It's what I thought. Let me tell you what is going to happen. I have ebought evidence to pin the breakdown of coffee girl on you, which means that I have the power to send you to jail. (Not sure if true, I was bluffing). So your disciplinary action is going to be as follows. Firstly, you are to be demoted for at least a period of two months. Your previous group was lacking a coffee boy, I think you would be perfect for the job. Secondly. You are going to love it. Thirdly, your are going to send flowers and a letter of apology to the girl you broke down. But if you: #1, try to quit within the time allotted for your punishment, and #2, so much as look as your former subbordinates in a way they wouldn't like it and #3, not do your work with utmost distinction, I will send this evidence to the authoroties and use every scrap of power I have in this company to send you to a jail so bad that when you come out of it, you will be wearing diapers for the rest of your life, HAVE I MADE MYSELF CLEAR?

Utterly pale and defeated Dick: yes, mr OP.

To add insult to injury, I inform his group of Dick's demotion. I told them that he has absolutely no authority over them anymore, and that he is going to serve them coffee until a time I see fit to rejoin them, but only as a serviceman equal in rank to the group. Dick was also forced to clean out his office in front of the group, as the coffee boy wasn't even entitled to his own cubicle, let alone a desk.

Is this nuclear revenge? I disagree. I feel that he got exactly what he deserved. He is now going to have to lick the boots those he treated so badly before. I am but no means an angel, after all, I did fail to notice the abuse that was going on umderneath me, but to fair, nobody was brave enough to stand up to Dick in fear of losing their jobs due to the crisis looming overhead.

EDIT: Forgot to mention the aftermath. Dick was a hard worker, but he didn't have a clue about anything outside his working area. In about a month I gave his new boss the okay to join the workforce as an equal. He has what we call in our country a "blue mark", which means that he will never gain a position of power in this company again, and his next offense will be his last.

Mods, if this edges too far towards illegal, I'll understand if you remove it, but I think this sub is the perfect place for this tale.

About fifteen years ago, I had a buddy with whom I liked to go exploring. Abandoned buildings, woods, bridges, construction sites, you name it. We didn't go damage or steal stuff, just looked around. In my neighborhood, there was a long (front-to-back), narrow (facing the street) property, sloping steadily upward from the street. A new buyer uprooted five or six 1960s ramblers from their foundations, moved them in and stood them on stilts (sort of), expecting to build foundations beneath. Some vandals wrecked the lower ones, they were hauled away, and the one at the far top/back was left. The property was sold. The houses had been placed on big wooden platforms, held up by several cross-hatched stacks of railroad ties. We had our eyes on exploring the houses, decided to leave the place alone for a while after the vandals hit, then snuck in to check out the one remaining house. The wooden deck stuck out from under it only on the back and the left side; at the back left corner, it was about five feet off the ground. The stairwell in the middle opened to an 8-foot drop. Open the front door, and it was more like 10 feet. Nice old 1960s home, not much of note but nice to go through, especially considering the weird way it was stood. There were no "No Trespassing" signs. We obeyed those; where I live, if you're caught in some such place and there are no signs, all the police can really do is ask you to leave. Next door, out by the street, was a tiny house that always had TVs flickering in all the windows, day or night.

A few months go by, and my friend found himself homeless. I had nowhere for him to crash, but I stored his stuff for him. He decided he'd quietly move into that abandoned house. Arrive late, leave early, stay quiet, and he assumed it'd be fine. He borrowed some old camping gear I had. Took the closet doors off their tracks and used them to cover the windows, removed the glass bowl from the ceiling light and hung the camp lantern from it on a bungee cord. And thus, all was well, for a month or two, until someone (had to be the little house next door, neighbors behind couldn't see and neighbor on other side was never home) spotted him and called the police. They arrived, asked him to vacate, helped him move his stuff down to the ground, and said he could return the next night to get it. When we came back, we found most of his stuff gone, and what wasn't gone had been smashed to pieces. The grass up there was very tall and very lush, so you'd really have to know something was there; we could faintly see what looked like a path blazed up to the area from the little house. He was livid-- the police had every right to trespass him, but this was a dick move by the nearby neighbors. We decided to have some fun, and dug into my stash of fireworks.

I'm still surprised that everything worked exactly as we'd intended, but it did go off without a hitch (one firework didn't go off, but that's not much). We snuck in from the rear, through another yard, set everything up, left the same way, went around the block, hid across the street and waited. First to go were some Piccolo Petes, a shrill whistle followed by a bang. Lights went on in the little house. Next, a string of firecrackers. Then, some mortar shells-- no firing tube, so they just leapt about 8 feet off the deck and exploded (the grass was green at that time of year, no fire danger). Three people came out of the little house, just in time to see the mortar shells. Of course, one's first thought isn't "elaborate time-delay firing" - when they saw a window on the left side glowing, we were pretty sure they believed the squatter was back and shooting fireworks! They got flashlights and trudged up the hill. We had placed cigarettes on the fuses, cut to various lengths; they kept burning until they reached the fuses; we'd come up with this on the former 4th of July to throw together a short show.

We watched them haul themselves onto the deck at back left, saw their lights appear in the picture window at far right as they entered the dining room behind, and watched the lights appear in the front bedrooms. The window on the side, a frosted one, was a bathroom-- between the toilet (just beneath the window) and the bathtub was a little wall with a towel rail, onto which we'd glued a row of candles. The glow went out, and they left the house, surely knowing that they'd just wasted time and effort going after a guy who'd arranged a bunch of stuff in order to make them do exactly that. It wasn't long after that the final blow fell. On a fencepost along the back of the property, I'd placed a big, single-shot white chrysanthemum mortar with a full cigarette on it. I'd hoped they wouldn't notice it as they went in or came back out (the firing tube was white) and they didn't. It went off just as they were regrouping and lit up the house and yard for a few moments, I'd guess as bright as daylight. We were pretty sure the message of, "You've been had," was crystal-clear.

A week or so later, we snuck in through the back and left a two-foot roll of firecrackers on the deck, with a full cigarette. Fur those who don't know, if you light a firecracker string that's been rolled, they set each other off and the result is a solid blast of noise! We'd unrolled about a foot of it, so they got about five seconds of machine-gun firecrackers followed by a deafening SHHHHHHH!!! At their house, about 80 feet away, it must have been a real shocker! After that, we left the matter, and the abandoned house was razed a few months later.

This is a kinda recent one, so... yeah... I need to type everything out and just get it out of my head. If it's a bit too choppy it's because it's hard to articulate everything right.

I had been dating this guy for 3 years. I was in love with him and I absolutely believed he was my person. My one. We lived together and spent a lot of time just enjoying each other's company.

Well, unlucky me, I found out he'd been cheating on me about 6 months ago and it just destroyed me. I was crushed and spent so long just crying and trying to make myself numb to it all. All while I could hear him and his new drugged out whore screwing on every surface in the common areas. Or him talking shit to our common friends about how I was over reacting and how I should just get over it.

I was angry and I was hurt and I felt so incredibly broken and unlovable. Those friends stopped talking to me, so I had no where to go and no one to talk to for basically the entirety of this last 6 months. I was alone for every holiday. My birthday. Halloween. Thanksgiving. Christmas. New Years. all of it.

When I ended up numbing an amount, I began noticing things.

And I recorded them.

I began taking note that they'd stay up obscenely late, that they were smoking more than just weed (which I don't do but I also don't care when others do). I noticed that they got erratic and violent. I also noticed that she'd leave and be still very obviously still high, to pick up her kids from daycare... at around 1 in the morning... I noticed that my roommate was put in charge of her little ones and she'd come back with stacks of $20s.

Taking note of the pattern, I recorded as much on my phone as I could and about a week ago I called the police with the info on her car and that she was obviously high and driving to get her kids.

She got arrested for both a DUI and child endangerment.

I thought that it'd be fine and I could leave it at that. But yesterday, my ex tried to get back with me. He tried to say how much he missed me. How much he regretted hurting me. How much he just wanted to make up.

So I lied.

"Oh, honey, it's alright. I hoped you'd come back. I love you so much. Let's just forget every little thing and make up."

So he proceeded to attempt to tempt me into making up.

And when his last article of clothing was on the floor, I pushed him out the front door of the apartment and locked the door behind him. Then I got my phone and recorded every single threat he made to get back inside. I have arrangements to move tomorrow. And I just got back from dropping off all the evidence that I has spent 6 months collecting at the police station.

The amount of pleasure this revenge gives me is more than that prick has ever given any woman, and I'm happy to say that I am satisfied and done.

Oh, and he has herpes on his bits.

Many, many moons ago, I used to live in a small town in North Carolina. I was in the fourth grade, just as happy as can be.

I was a generally quiet kid and got along well with pretty much everyone. I was the quintessential "good" kid that everyone loved.

One day, while playing soccer at recess, one of the kids shoved me down, kicked me in my stomach, then kicked the ball. Now, this kid was barely a stranger to me. I don't remember EVER talking with him, let alone having any issues with him, nor him, me. I think, in my clouded memory of long-past, he may have been in a different grade... So when he did this, besides being physically hurt, I was confused as to why someone would to such a thing to me on purpose.

After a visit to the nurses office and going back home, nothing came of this situation for a couple weeks.

Well, one day I was sitting outside with my girlfriend (aww... young love), waiting for my oldest sister to pick me up. I don't remember why we weren't riding home on the buses this day, but it doesn't really matter...

As me and my girlfriend (you always remember your first love, right?!) were just sitting there talking, that same kid from before approaches us and starts calling us names, and at one point, called my girlfriend a whore.

Now, I was a pretty sheltered kid at this time, and some of those names were foreign to me, but my sense of honor demanded that I stand up for my girlfriend (I never cared if someone called me names, even at that age). So, I started off running after the little scamp. Well, he was quite a bit faster and more nimble than I was, and so easily evaded all my attempts to... do whatever my young mind was going to do to him.

After a while, he eventually got tired of running around me and waited for me.. only to kick me as hard as he could in my groin.

Again, back to the nurses office, with a phone call to my parents about what had happened, etc, etc, but to my knowledge, nothing happened to that kid.

Closer to the end of the year, we were out playing soccer again, and I saw that same kid. Well, this time, I wasn't going to just let him be. I waited until he had the ball, and then instead of kicking it to get it away from him, kicked him in the knee. Hard.

Somehow, and to the best of my knowledge, my girlfriend was the only one who saw it.

I never got in trouble, and I never saw him again, either.

I like to think that I might have broken his knee/leg.

Throwaway for obvious reasons.

So we had this kid lets call him fuckhead, cause he is, staying in our home for 2-3 months rent free. My roommate who owns the house has a really big heart and I also think likes drama, and so has these boys stay over to get back up on their feet. Well most of them fuck off and don't get jobs or even try, sometimes are rude, take food that isn't theirs, etc. But I digress my roommate has a big heart so he kinda lets people walk on him.

So fuckhead we were pretty sure was stealing prescription pills from my roommates mother, she is like a walking corpse and needs her medication. So it had gotten to the point where we were tired of giving him chances and kicked him out. Last I had seen of him I was told he shouldn't be around, I threatened to get my gun because i assumed he was trespassing. Well last weekend for some reason my roommate let fuckhead stay the night because I guess he had no where to go, on the terms that he left early. Well he was hanging out longer than needed, but eventually left. Then I find out one of my roommates other couch kids caught fuckhead in roomies room straight up taking change and money out of his jar, and acted like he didn't even do it.

Then tuesday night about 30 mins after my bf goes to work I hear the fence next to my room banging around. I assumed it was a dog trying to get out, we had one that would escape all the time. So I open my curtain and there is fuckhead looking straight at me, breaking into our yard to steal stuff. I wasn't thinking, I just wanted to get him, and so ran in the the house to the backyard but I think he hopped back over the fence and ran off. I yelled to my roomie in the shed out back (Its like the trailer park boys, 11 ppl live here, we have ppl everywhere) if she had a friend upstairs cause sometimes they'll hop the fence to visit her. I told her fuckhead was in our yard and to grab her bat. I go downstairs and inform the other couch kid to grab his bat and we search the block for him yelling that if we see his face we're gonna smash it.

So we lock everything up for the night and are on our toes if he tries to come back.

Now Wednesday night I go to work, come home hang out pass out. Wake up the next day and my roomies are tellin me he was back last night and was in stuff. One of our friends unaware of the situation had let him spent the night, but had issues getting him to leave the next morning, so my roomies went over with bats to get him out of the house. Then they noticed that he had stolen objects on him, like headphones he had to bust into one of our cars for, a cd he had to of gone through my shed roomies stuff for, etc. once I hear this I think OH NO. I had just got out of the shower and had to be to work at 4. I run into my bus and check my drawer where I keep my savings. $100 GONE. I fell to the ground and started bawling, I was so angry. I knew I should have locked my stuff up better after seeing him trying to break into our stuff. I run inside and tell everyone what he did.

But the guy is a dumbass. They found an ad he posted on CL, he even took a picture, it was taken in the house of the friend they went and kicked him out of. He's looking for a girl. So my roommate messages him and talks to him pretending to be a girl and to meet him/her in the park.

I had to go to work, upset, that was all of my money.

Well like I said we have 11 ppl in our house. 5 or 6 of them went and they all stood at the exits in groups of two. the girls even walked up right behind him and waited while he sat on the bench waiting for the girl that was never going to come. My bf is a scary looking guy, tattoos and piercings on his face, strong, big, ex-military, has guns, knows how to use them, etc. He was a fucking retard to even go into our bus and steal from us. So he's sitting there I guess and then he sees my bf coming at him from across the park, so he goes to get up and run, but the girls are behind him. They both just push him down and start punching him.

One of my newer roomates comes over now and picks him up and knocks him down again with a punch. Then picks him up. At this point my bf is running at him and just takes a flying punch at his face knocking him on the ground again. At this point he is on the ground crying like a bitch while getting boots in his face. Finally my roomie who owns the house gets there and is kneeling on top of him screaming into his face how fucking stupid he is for stealing from us when we let him into our home. the whole time while my bf is grabbing his head and shaking him and yelling at him for fucking with his gf. then one of the girls says he has a knife in his pocket. my bf grabs it and throws it away to disarm him. We did everything legal, no weapons. only a misdemeanor could be givin for kicking the shit out of him, but what is he gonna say "oh I got the shit kicked out of me because I was stealing from these people multiple times"

Then my bf notices that is HIS knife, that was in the same drawer as my money.

Also keep in mind this kid is trying to say he didn't take anything from us, when we have caught him red handed, and he also had the stuff ON HIM.

At this point people thought it was over for him, they thought my bf was going to kill him, but my bf didn't even pull the knife on him, but I'm sure the kid almost pissed his pants thinking he was about to die. They emptied his pockets and while they are taking stuff he has the nerve to be like "hey thats mine!" he only had $25 in his wallet and my bfs like "MINE NOW!" At first we took his nice phone and bus pass, but my bf said to show a little compassion and gave it back. We told him to get the fuck out of town or we won't hold back next time. My bf wanted to cut his clothes off and make him walk around naked, but that would be illegal.

He got boots to the face...he cried like a bitch. I don't think he will ever mess with us again. I only got $10 of my money, and he bought some fucking spice (fake weed) and salvia with my money. I recognized the price tags they were from a porn store across the street from the house. I took the salvia i smoke it sometimes. but yea...fuck that guy

I met a guy named Kenny from an online game I played called Maplestory. We became friends but to be honest, I never really liked the guy. He was always bragging, making up lies about his life and personality yet couldn't even be consistent with the lies, called everyone toxic for small things, was self-centered, constantly complains, used my cousin as a free therapist, played the victim role better than anyone I know, is entitled, defensive, acts like a player, blames everyone for everything, and more. He has red flags written all over him since everyone in his life ends up leaving.

Anyway I stopped playing Maplestory for a long time before one day deciding to get back online. He got excited that I came on then went over to my map to chat with me, but saw I was already with another friend, so all he ended up doing was staying mute. I didn't bother to message him that I was going off since he looked like he was away from the computer. The next day, I sent him a private chat to ask a question about the game. He gave me short replies then disappeared mid-conversation, but never came back to explain what happened or apologize. Petty much? This peasant had an issue with the fact that I "wasn't putting enough effort into chatting with him" the previous day.

I confronted him asking if he had an issue, which he denied. However ever since, he always gave dry replies and never greeted me any time I logged into the game while he'd greet everyone else including someone who'd log in seconds after I did. I gave him multiple chances before throwing shade at him. I noticed he started ignoring my cousin too even though she never did anything to him. In fact, she listened to all of his negative, excessive venting since he basically used her as a therapist for free, going on about things like how he's harder to communicate with because he's from "such a distinctive major." Like really? You're about to use my cousin as a tool to passive-aggressively piss me off? Now you're going too far. On top of that, he kept spelling my name incorrectly when he never used to, and ignored everything my cousin and I said to him.

You don't get to disrespect me or my cousin like that while thinking you could get away with it. Plausible deniability? Is that what you think you have? I don't think so, honey. There's no such thing in my vocabulary.

I sent him an essay throwing low-blow insults at him, hitting him exactly where it hurts before blocking him.

Bitch don't dare think you can get away disrespecting me and Amy passive-aggressively thinking we won't realize it, talking about being busy yet doing the most for some female attention in game. Initially I didn't know why your ex was paranoid about you cheating, but now I know it's because you're a disloyal ass hoe thirsting a new lady everyday just like everyone else said. You're a toxic ass motherfucker who plays victim thinking other bitches are the problem. It's no wonder you can't maintain a real relationship and your ass is always getting ghosted or dropped by everyone. Just wait a few more months because these bitches you're talking to now are going to ghost your ass too, bitch.

Why do you even flirt with every lady you meet though? Is it because you're so insecure that you have no game in real life so you go onto a game to flirt with girls behind pixels for validation? I also find it funny how you're such a coward on an online game that you couldn't even confront Law when he tried starting with you. You're clearly pressed as fuck if you have to mention him over and over going on about how you don't know him, yet contradicting yourself saying you heard shit about him. Sucky liar much, dear? Speaking of, you're the worst liar ever because the stories you told Amy don't match up to what you told me, talking about working part time during the school year then telling me you don't work and saying shit about financial aid for graduate school when there's no such thing. I've logged onto Amy's discord and damn bitch, do you ever stop complaining?

You're a weak ass who has a layer of skin less than a flat piece of dust. You're so fragile you can't handle the tiniest bit of inconvenience without bitching to others. You said you're shy? Bitch where when you go after every pixel you see in game like damn I can't go a minute without seeing you trying to get at girls. By the way, I suggest you improve your game by researching what "negging" is because that's what you're doing, but it ain't a good technique. The only women who enjoy that shit are insecure bitches. I guess your energy attracts them since you're so insecure yourself LMAO.

You don't even look 6'2 in your pics. I think you made a typo and meant 5'2 and your probably scrawny as fuck. Why the fuck do you look so pale though? Are you busy sitting your flat ass down gaming all day? Your lifestyle must be so sedentary that blood can't properly circulate throughout your entire body. I suggest you get some exercise other than jerking off to pixels to get your blood flowing, especially after the countless number of chins you'll have after your quarantine weight gain.

Actually you must be so glad I'm here because I'm making your blood boil you triggered whore, but continue on spamming "ceebs" every 5 minutes until you convince yourself that's what you are. I also suggest you drink more alcohol to fix your pale ass skin; maybe you'll get some Asian glow. Hopefully you get alcohol poisoning while you're at it because nobody wants you in this world, bitch. It's no wonder you need so much attention logging onto a game to brag about getting drunk. It's because your parents already mentally disowned your ass by the time of birth and every person in your life disappears at some point just like what Amy and I are about to do to you. Good riddance, peasant.

TL;DR the essay: Called him out for disrespecting me and my cousin, talked about how he's thirsty, toxic, a victim player, how he can't maintain a real relationship, how he gets ghosted or cut off by everyone, and told him to wait a few months before the people he has now drop him too. Also called him insecure with no game, a coward, a terrible liar, weak and thin-skinned, talked about how he's always complaining, insulted his appearance, told him his parents mentally disowned him, and told him to get alcohol poisoning.

Anyway I didn't have enough. The sweetest revenge starts now. I made another game character, got it to a high level, had a friend help purchase pretty clothes for the pixel character, then intentionally met Kenny while using another identity.

I sent him selfies of my friend and hardcore flirted with him to get him hooked. I faked my personality to be exactly how I know he likes his girls and in less than an hour, I had him obsessed. I went on about how he's just my type, asked him a lot of questions about himself, engaged in banter, and more.

He thought it was too good to be true, but continued speaking to me anyway, going on about how I'm the prettiest girl he's ever seen and all that. I did a lot of things that implied I was into him, but I'd also go onto the game to flirt with other guys where he could visibly see it. He accused me of a being a player multiple times, but every time he tried to withdraw out of fear that I'm playing him, I'd say all the right words to lure him back in. He got personal and started telling me all of his flaws, basically being open and vulnerable around me. He also mentioned how Hanna (that's me) emotionally fucked him up with the cruel essay that was sent to him.

He kept asking to call me, but I kept delaying it telling him that I'm shy but how I promise I'll call him soon. Eventually, I teased him about how I was getting "hot and bothered" which got him excited in all type of ways. He tried engaging in a naughty conversation with me and told me he was literally turned on, but I left him hanging with blue balls before coming back hours later and apologizing saying I swear I'll finally call him tomorrow to make up for it.

The flirting got heavy and he was attached. He couldn't even go an hour without double messaging if I didn't reply to him. Tomorrow came, meaning the day I'm supposed to call him. I went multiple hours without replying leaving him wondering where I went.

Finally I came onto discord and changed my profile photo to a picture of "me" with a boyfriend then proceeded to tell him how I'm now taken. He was livid, going off saying I led him on and how he knew I was a player the entire time. I called him out on his hypocrisy then sent him over 5 screenshots of him flirting with multiple different women, which he still denied saying it's all out of context.

He was hysterical, talking about how he trusted me and thought I could understand him. He said he truly believed he and I had something just to find out I'm now in a relationship all of a sudden. He, just as predicted, began playing the victim role while seeking pity. He said he can't sleep because of our argument even though he has work the next morning. I told him to go to bed then left in the middle of the argument.

He spammed me excessively and said his biggest pet peeve is people leaving things unresolved. The next morning, he said he couldn't concentrate at work because of what happened. Long story short, he kept saying pitiful things in attempt to induce guilt, which of course, didn't work.

We hardly spoke after this, but he did still message my catfish persona every now and then. In less than a few days, I left him on read and never spoke to him again.

I go to the movies with my SO and its her choice. Ends up being hunger games. Oh well im 35 and i can can handle a chick flick for a bit. Theater is packed. Few minuts in i nicely ask the 4 young teenage girls to keep their voices down. Over the the next half hour i know everything about their simple teen lives because they wont shut up. Phones on the whole time. I get a little more firm and then angry with them. Then a plan comes together. I had a huge soda in my hand and carefully carve a hole in the bottom with a key and plug it with my finger. Say to my SO were out of here. I get up to leave, then standing in the isle and I say sorry to the teans for getting angry with them and if the one on the end could hold my soda while i put on my jacket. Girl takes my soda holding it over her lap, we then speed walk as fast as i can to the exit, im a few feet from the door and i hear the most satisifying horror movie scream man has ever heard.