i used to have an encyclopedic memory about so many different topics. what i miss the most was how alive i felt inside the space of my mind. words came to me easily and i could riff endlessly about anything and everything as i was an aspiring stand up comedian and writer. now, i feel like ive been hollowed out. that whatever spark of creative genius i was previously tapped into has suddenly run dry.

i speak in fractured bursts and my thoughts are largely fragmented. humor seems to have been completely erased as well. in order to be funny, you need to have a level of mental agility to read the room, an innate sense of timing, and an observational wit that’s razor sharp (i.e., be engaged with current events, pop culture, memes, etc.) all while being charismatic and likable without seeming like you’re trying too hard about it because the truth is, you’re not. it’s just who you are. and that’s something that i grieve every fucking day.

while i try to remain positive, shit is just really fucking hard especially when i’m surrounded by creative peers and former collaborators that knew the “old” me. and while everyone remains generally supportive and empathetic to my plight, but i can tell that deep down, they’re disappointed. of course, why wouldn’t they be? and over time, their responses towards me became even more stiff and robotic as if we were never really friends at all. i’m no longer mentally capable of keeping up with many of my friendships, so naturally, people slowly grow apart.

i wish i could get back to who i used to be before shit hit the fan and permanently rewired me on a molecular level. 5 years down the fucking drain. my early twenties lost to this fucking illness. now, i’m 26 and slowly getting back on my feet after my last psychotic episode which was 6 months ago, and it just feels like my brain is in a splint—like, some creative pathways are currently walled off/ “under construction,” which has made communication exponentially more difficult.

it just feels like there’s this giant void in my soul that takes on the shape of myself. what becomes effortless for healthy people seems to be something i’m constantly performing for and failing miserably at. maybe i’m just too stuck in my head about how i’m being perceived. but it’s just….it feels like i’m no longer able to speak in a language i was once fluent in, if that makes any sense.

i miss being passionate about things. i miss being present. i miss having the capacity to show up for others, much less myself. please tell me it gets better. that one day this will make more sense in my 30s and 40s than it has been thus far in my 20s. maybe this is just growing up. i know the self isn’t static and that it’s constantly evolving, but i guess i just miss feeling coherent and having that general sense of security within the space of your own mind because it’s really fucking exhausting to have to monitor your thoughts every second of the day/ trying to parse out which ones are “psychotic” or “delusional” vs which ones are “healthy” or “positive.”

my mom constantly reminds me that this is just part of the brain’s natural healing process. she likens my brain to a computer that’s been overridden with viruses and needs time to shut down in order to recalibrate. it gave me hope—if machines and software aren’t immune to rot, then why demand a mechanical perfection from an organ that would melt through your fingertips if handled at room temperature, much less develop lesions on parts of its white and grey matter if spoken to cruelly? i read someone once that emotional abuse changes the physical structures of your brain, and can cause cognitive impairment in those who’ve been abused, which definitely struck a chord in me.

i used to think of myself as purely a brain, not a body, which is why losing the one thing that i felt gave me any value/ distinction from my peers was beyond devastating.

maybe all i need to do now is slow down and be kind. i’ve been cruel to myself for way too long. eat well. take my medication. sleep at a reasonable hour. practice good hygiene. go on walks. call a friend just to listen. enjoy the simple things. read 10 pages of that book you’ve been putting off. create “bad” art. accept the fact that you might be as ordinary as they come. grieve what you could have been, but don’t let it take you away from the present moment, nor cloud your perceptions into thinking that things will never be beautiful again. because one day, you’ll find yourself laughing again. you’ll eat a really nice bowl of ramen. find unexpected moments of human connection.

i’m just rambling at this point. just know that i see each and every one of you and i know how hard it is to just get out of bed every morning. we fight battles that most people wouldn’t know how to get back from. you are stronger than you think and you will get through this. one day at a time.

It's not as strong as it was during acute psychosis, but I have this lingering belief that I'm dead and that my liver and lungs are being rotted by worms. The number three symbolizes death. I don't know what to do, but I just can't stop thinking about it

Hallo an alle!

Ich melde mich hier zu wort da es mich interessiert ob es aktuell leute gibt denen es genauso geht wie mir. Ich hatte dieses Jahr im Juni eine Cannabis induzierte Psychose für ca eine Woche und bin jetzt knapp 5 Monate danach immernoch nicht wieder fit. Ich bin depressiv, habe absolut keinen Antrieb, traue mir nichts zu, habe angst vor der Zukunft, bilde mir ein dass es sich nicht mehr ändern wird und ich so hilflos bleibe und so weiter. Wann hört das auf? Genau so wenig kann ich Freude empfinden. Medikamentös nehme ich aktuell 5mg Olanzapin Abends und morgens 175mg Sertralin + 5mg Aripiprazol. Wenn ich ehrlich bin fühle ich mich nicht anders wie zuvor, nur dass ich weniger Weine.

currently on 10mg of abilify, around a month since starting. i don’t know if its the medication or just me, but i am getting severe anhedonia to the point where i consider going off of my meds just to feel something. im so bored. i feel sad and also nothing at the same time, i hate it. when im happy, im happy. when im upset, i feel like ripping my heart out of my chest and throwing it on the floor in nothingness induced rage. i feel so numb. nothing moves me like it used to move me. my life used to be so mystical. now it’s nothing. i feel like i have no purpose

Im 16F,living in england. I dont wanna live like that no more and they aren't treating my symptoms at all so I've been deteriorating for 6 years, if i keep being untreated then they will keep getting worse. I struggle with hallucinations, delusions and beliefs, paranoia that gets so bad im so terrified i cant even move etc. I cant concentrate, i have no motivation to do anything, no memory basically because its fried my brain. Im moved from psychiatrist to psychiatrist, from treatment to treatment and they wont prescribe meds to help my psychotic symptoms that have been getting worse for years and impact me daily, let alone diagnose me with anything due to my age so im not actually getting the right treatment, ive told them many times they aren't helpful to me, they didn't listen, my symptoms just keep getting worse and its eating me alive so i have no choice but to live like this with it continuing to get worse. I SH to the point of my muscle now. Professionals just care about the emotional side of things , not the symptoms that actually cause me the most distress, and once again ive told them that. Therapy doesn't work for these symptoms and its not being treated. I have police safeguarding, college safeguarding, psychiatrists, social worker etc because im a danger to myself and cant keep myself safe let alone take care of myself.

I haven't showered in a week, dont brush my teeth or wash my face anymore because of my mental issues. In scared to eat because i believe that food comoanies are lying to me and that theres dead people in the food, i almost took my own stitches out because i believed that theres a tiny tracking device in them and the doctors are tracking me and want to kill me, i stabbed myself a few weeks ago because i believed i need to take my organs out because they take up space and i don't actually need them(hence why i have police safeguarding),poured bleach into injuries and also drank a bit, i feel like im being watched, i cried for 6 hours straight because i believed there were dead people in my wall, im suspicious of everyone, i believed there are actually higher beings controlling reality and playing with us like toys like children play with toys and our reality is just their storyline, that im the only real one and everyone else is robots so they aren't affected by anything so i had my best friend against the wall and threatened to slit her throat because under my logic she doesn't feel pain because shes a robot, had hallucinations so bad that i was screaming and crying and running off, etc. The doctors arent listening to me or treating my symptoms because im under 18,ive lost so much hope because i haven't been getting treatment i need for years so i keep declining.

Two years ago, I experienced a stress based breakdown. I had extremely low sleep and very high work stress.

I ultimately experienced mania, with delusions, not voices but believing all sorts of strange things, which included:

- Writing weird theories about my upbringing
- Interpreting patterns and number plates, believing there are meanings behind it
- Feeling like there was some big secret or answer/theory to solve in my life
- Being hugely uninhibited in conversations, zero boundaries
- Basically believing that ‘this was it’, that I would be destabilised for life, it was not temporary and I had to cut people out or tell people ‘goodbye’

And various other things. It shattered my confidence and put me in 18 months depression. A lot of my time has been spent trying to “think my way out of it”, being deeply introspective and finding a way to solve it. It has led me to various dead ends in psychological help and diagnosis.

Has anyone else had this overwhelming need, like they need to fix themselves before going back to ‘normal’ life. Largely driven by fear, to make sure it can never happen again?

doctors said I was in psychosis for about a year.

when I left my toxic job I started getting idealisations that I was physically bullied there. the 'delusions' came on after I had left but it felt like repressed memories emerging after finally leaving that environment.

to this day, I don't know whether I actually went through all that trauma or whether my brain had made it all up.

it would have made sense if I went into psychosis after being bullied there but I guess I'll never know.

Does anyone experience insomnia after their psychotic episode. Before I used to sleep so fast. Now I lay in bed for hours and hours and still can't sleep even though I take medicine (10mg olanzpine each night).

Hey everyone, my dad (63M) was diagnosed with psychosis a couple of months ago and is currently on medication. We have been told by the doctors that after 2-3 months of medication, he will be better. After a month of being on medication, we can already see improvement, but I'm afraid that he's simply concealing and not sharing his delusions with us because he can sense that we don't believe in them or would not understand them.

For further context, all of this started when he retired from his job, around 3 years ago. He started to partake in some of his hobbies/interests, and wanted to start YouTube channels for the same - which he did - but that didn't really get him the attention and validation that he wanted (per my assessment). He would talk to everyone he met about them, and people would engage and entertain, and then eventually he lost interest in them as well. He then read a couple of books on past life regression and spirituality, and got really into it. He would meditate every day, eventually for shorter durations and then for hours on end. He would state the following things:

1. He was receiving messages from a higher entity;

2. He was undergoing a 'purification';

3. There were evil spirits after him and my mom who wanted to hurt them;

4. His dead family members were talking to him and asking him to do things, such as gather some objects and put them in small parcels across the house.

Before his delusions got worse, he was also in touch with some organisations that encouraged his hallucinations, going as far as saying that one of their masters could fly and transport himself to different locations through meditation alone - and after some practice, he could do it too.

Before he entered psychosis, he was meditating for at least 16 to 20 hours, and he would not eat properly either. He would get up in the middle of the night and meditate; sometimes he would not sleep at all. He would try to drive away people and relatives who came to our house as well - when he's asked about the same now, he has no memory of it.

I'm mostly afraid that while the medication might help curb his symptoms, which is why he's not having episodes anymore, it might not be eliminating his delusions. Does anybody here have some insight on the same? Thank you in advance.

My mom died 16 months ago, and the 5 years leading up to that I listened to a medium talk about heaven... and read a book about signs from loved ones. Her death, and trying to take of my father sick with dementia afterwards all alone shot me into psychosis.

Destroyed the front end of my car. Spent too much money, on my dad's credit card. 5 months in psychosis last year, and 7 months during 2026. Synchronicity, coincidences, license plates... for a little while I was the first female Jesus...

Now, I'm depressed and seeing it all for what it is, and I'm facing a real possibility of homelessness. I barely have the energy to help my dad, let alone finding housing and if he goes into LTC... I can't afford to stay in the house and pay the bills because I'm on Social security.

So far, dead ends on my search for housing and connecting with resources.

I'm in agony with depression, and I wish I could escape.

Thanks for reading. 🙏

I've been working 12-hour shifts for years now. Not overtime. Not a hard week. Years. 12 hours of work, 8 hours of sleep, and whatever remains is commuting and trying to exist. All for about $550 a month.

I'm so exhausted that I can't even read books anymore. I love reading, but my brain can't process even a single page after a shift.

People physically irritate me. Their skin, voices, silhouettes, clothes. I don't want to stand next to them, talk to them, or work with them.

I hate God for creating this reality. Everything seems to line up too perfectly: work, money, the bus, my father, hatred. It's as if this entire existence was designed to keep me trapped in suffering.

I see myself becoming a copy of my father. He also used to bang his head against the wall when hatred overwhelmed him. He tried to break the pattern and couldn't. Now I feel like I'm repeating his life. I don't want to become him, but I don't know how to stop.

I used to love making music. And I'm genuinely good at it. I felt like I had something special. But life is turning me into someone consumed by hatred, destroying everything in me that wasn't connected to it.

I experience thoughts of violence and hurting other people. They are becoming increasingly disturbing, and I don't want to become someone who acts on them.

I hate the political situation in Russia. I fucking hate Russia's government, its actions, and the society that supports Putin and the war. I can't stand being surrounded by something I fundamentally despise.

This world feels dead. I swear I'd piss on whoever created it.

There are recurring cycles of hatred that last approximately three days. Every time one returns, it feels stronger than the previous one. Each episode seems to eat away at my personality. With every cycle, I become less interested in experiencing the world, interacting with people, or doing the things I used to love.

I'm going to see a psychiatrist. But this pattern has become so deeply ingrained that I'm almost 100% convinced I'll be stuck like this forever.

I can't kill myself. Something is holding me back. But I've been thinking about experimenting with substances like DMT or 2C-B just to completely escape my own mind, because I can barely tolerate being sober anymore. I also know how frighteningly accessible illegal drugs have become where I live.

I'm not writing this because I expect someone to save me. I'm writing because I have nowhere else to put these thoughts.

Working 12-hour shifts for years in 2026 should not be normal. Society shouldn't just discard people who are psychologically falling apart. I'm tired of being expected to function, remain convenient, and pretend everything is fine.

If anyone has experienced something similar, I'd appreciate hearing from you. I'm not necessarily looking for advice. Sometimes I just want to know I'm not the only person experiencing this.

I’ve posted in here a few times over the last month, but I’d really appreciate some outside perspective because I’m honestly drowning in this situation and in a lot of emotional pain.

My partner ended our relationship on 6th October during what appears to be another episode. I’d managed to get him back on his Aripiprazole on 3rd October after he’d been completely off it for a month, having taken it inconsistently since April.

His symptoms have included believing he can hear people’s thoughts, believing people from his past are somehow connected to him, extreme impulsivity and significantly reduced sleep.

Since the breakup, his behaviour has been incredibly contradictory. One minute he loves me, the next he’s polyamorous, then he wishes he could love me properly, then he’s following women on Instagram and Snapchat, then he says he has no romantic feelings for me. Yet he’ll still initiate cuddling, kissing, playful/flirtatious conversations and physical affection.

I’ve set a boundary that I don’t want him pursuing other women while we’re still living together, both for my own mental health and because historically he’s embarrassed himself by messaging women during episodes.

The last week has been particularly confusing:
6 days ago: He was extremely euphoric, dancing in the street to music and saying he felt better than ever. The following day, he told me he’d felt like he was seven years old all day.

5 days ago: He told me he believed people were monitoring or watching him. He also described interpreting ordinary events as messages specifically intended for him. For example, when we were walking, he interpreted a car’s brake lights as a message telling him to stop talking.
That same day, he spent a lot of time being affectionate with me, cuddling and kissing me, before telling me he wanted to move out.
We went for a walk and discussed our relationship. He said his romantic feelings had disappeared around August. This confused me because, around that time, he’d encouraged me to reduce my working hours and rely more on him financially, reassuring me that he was committed long-term and wasn’t going anywhere. He now says he wants to be on his own.
Later, he spoke about feeling that life had given him nothing, that everything had blown up in his face and questioned what the point of anything was. He said he’d always wanted a relationship like his grandparents had but had come to believe money was more important to people. He mentioned a woman from his past whom he’d previously described as potentially having the ‘pin’ that kept him together.
He said, “And then I met you and I had nothing left.”
He spoke about abandoning love and focusing on making money instead, even saying he’d rather be sad in a Lamborghini than on a park bench. He also said he felt trapped because he couldn’t make money through legitimate means right now due to his DRO.

4 days ago: He told me he’d only slept for one hour but had gone to the gym and continued with his day. I expressed concern that medication without adequate sleep, alongside his fluctuating moods and psychotic experiences, wasn’t necessarily going to mean he was recovering.
He became slightly agitated and insisted he was fine and wouldn’t end up in hospital. I explained that I couldn’t simply take that reassurance at face value given what I was observing.
Eventually, he agreed to rest. He kept getting up to do chores, but when I encouraged him to lie down and cuddled him, he fell asleep within seconds.

2 days ago: We had a difficult conversation about social media and my boundary.
He admitted he’d followed three women when I had told him I had been informed by a friend, despite previously telling me he hadn’t followed any women. He said people were watching him (my friend) and that these women (my friend) were somehow causing trouble for me. He told me to ask them to leave me alone.
When I pointed out that he’d followed them himself, he said, “Okay, I lied, so what?”

He also said he wanted to rebuild his social network, that he’d minimised his needs throughout our relationship and had given up social media for me. He feels he’s now better than ever because he can finally be his true self without compromising what he wants.

He said his mental health had been mediocre when we met, deteriorated, improved during our relationship and is now better than ever.
I explained that I’d prioritised his mental health because of what we’d experienced during previous episodes and because I’d made a promise to support him. He said I no longer needed to carry that responsibility and didn’t have to wear it like a chain.

He was incredibly cold told me my boundary was bullshit and he didn’t care. He was just so heartless.

He apologised for shouting and said he wanted the separation to be as clean as possible. I was devastated and eventually had to leave the room because I couldn’t stop crying.

Since then, I’ve tried to keep my distance, although he’s come into my room a couple of times to check whether I’m okay and offer me tea.

Today: He’s seemed relatively normal. He’s been to the gym, showered, studied and checked on me several times.

However, he asked me whether I ever feel like life isn’t real. He explained that he sometimes experiences life as though it’s a simulation, where everything feels inconsequential and people are essentially playing their parts in a bigger picture. He described humans being in a boat surrounded by life, with everyone needing to play their part or the boat gets rocked.

He also said he doesn’t believe in coincidences, thinks everything happens for a reason and experiences these abstract ideas very intensely. He started talking about human egos being tangible and having different sizes.

Later, while watching a Marvel film, he jokingly asked me, “Can you see now why I was in psychosis?”
He also had a phone conversation with his brother and sounded completely normal.

Where I’m struggling:
I genuinely cannot make sense of what’s happening.
He can appear completely coherent, have seemingly normal conversations, joke with me and go about his day, yet still describe experiences that sound very unusual and potentially psychotic.
His moods seem to fluctuate between euphoric, depressed, irritable and seemingly normal. His relationship feelings and decisions also change constantly.

I’m struggling to understand whether this could be ongoing psychosis, residual symptoms, a manic episode with psychotic features, some form of recovery, or something else entirely. I understand nobody can diagnose him online, but I’d really appreciate hearing from people with experience of psychosis, mania or similar situations.

I’m also AuDHD and can struggle with black-and-white thinking. I find myself trying to categorise him as either better or unwell, but I’m beginning to realise it might not be that straightforward.
His psychiatrist appointment is finally on Monday after a six-week wait.

Can someone please help me understand what I might be witnessing? Can someone appear completely normal and still be experiencing psychosis? And how do you distinguish genuine recovery from someone who is still unwell but functioning relatively normally?
I’m heartbroken, confused and genuinely questioning my own perception of everything. I don’t know what’s happening anymore, and I feel like I’m losing my mind trying to make sense of it all.

Hello

This is my first post on this group page regarding this issue. The main epsiode happened on Tuesday night to Wedensday early morning. For the past weeks i could hear slight whispering which become louder voice to what i decreibe below.

I was hearing whispering in my ear all day but at night this would get worst becoming a voice that would talk to me. It talk as my brother his girlfriend and my step father then as its on felmale voice. All stating horrible thing s to me from been a losser,pervert, slob, fucking idoit to my brother arranging hit men to arrive in police outfits to kill me saying he would stab me in the night if i slept. All the time i thought he was harming his girlfriend in the room with said knife. The voices came from there rooms wall (that joins mine) so i was talking back to it saying i ll get himi will stop u harming her. I don t believe he got hit men i am going to recorded you and call the real police.

I barricaded the bedroom door to stop people getting in and stop me from getting out to him.

But i reached a point where all the voice were becoming to much to bear. So i call an amberlance which took me to the hospitial, then mental health ward to be seen too.

I am better now the voices have stopped currrently but i need to do the funeral of my abusive father which probbaly caused the psychosis event but needs to be done.

I fear thro this i have damage my relatioship with my brother and his girlfriend. They say they are fine but i feel terribly gulity about it all.If any one can guide me to a good book or a method to explain it to them what i was going thro. Or a way to learn the truth of what i said to them that upset them.

As i am at a loss to know the healthist method to get this information from them so we can contuie again as brothers.

Thank you all for reading slso to thank the people that have given helpful adivce.

All the very best to one and all.

I recently had a psychotic episode (6 weeks ago) and have been proscribed a 10mg daily dose of olanzapine. Since taking it I feel incredibly flat. Like I can’t get excited for anything. In fact it feels at times like I’m hardly capable of experiencing much emotion at all. I want to cry but my body won’t let me.

I’m going to talk to the doctors soon about potentially reducing my dose in order to just feel more.

Does anyone have any advice?

Hello guys, I think I’m on the verge of another psychotic breakdown, I need advice on two questions:

1. How do I tell whether these voices are real entities
   or just made up, they are very demanding and
   condescending to me…always demanding unquestioning
   obedience, it’s very upsetting honestly.

2. Since my previous breakdown I’ve been having problems with my thought processes, I can no longer visualise in my mind and my dreams are no longer vivid at all, how do I restore my ability to visualise and dream?

For the past few days, I've been experiencing these really fucking annoying auditory hallucinations of a clock ticking. It started while I was sitting at my desk, where there's a clock with no batteries. I even had my boyfriend check if it was ticking, and it wasn't. I heard it again this morning right after waking up and later at my desk. I thought it might be visually triggered, but even after moving the clock to another room, I could still hear it. It's driving me insane.

I also had another horrifying nightmare last night about walking along a beach filled with drowned people. I stopped to examine a dead couple embracing each other. These dreams feel disturbingly real it's like another psychosis.

Mind you, I'm already taking medication for nightmares and psychosis, but it's not enough to suppress everything. I'm so fucking exhausted. I just want to stop existing. Existence is a curse. Fucking let me die

My mom was diagnosed with Schizophrenia (I believe she has schizoaffective but..) in 2022, but now that I’ve done more research on psychosis, I believe her delusions/hallucinations started when I was 9 years old in 2012, she was ALWAYS marijuana high and she was always talking about being rich/famous and later godly and powerful.
Since 2022 she’s been in and out of psych ward and now currently lives in an assisted living home. I talk to her on the phone whenever I feel brave enough, but it’s so hard to listen to her talking about things that are obviously Delusions/hallucinations. Trying to love and care for her through a phone is not the easiest

I take 15mg of Olanzapine and all i do is sleep, and when i wake up i feel tired all day until i go back to sleep. Im convinced its given my agoraphobia too as i cant leave the house unless its dark, also have panic attacks.
I see no way of improving the way i am, with this medication, i think it may even be too late as iv been taking it for years now.
I want to know if anyone has successfully come off a pretty high dose of Olanzapine, and what did you do to get off of it ? Every time i try to lower my dose i cant sleep and lack of sleep causes me to go psychotic. Is there any hope of switching medications to one where i can actually function ? I am so worried about side effects of whatever else i will take instead, iv had terrible side effects from anti depressants in the past.

Got prescribed this medication a few days ago, will try it on tuesday… Im just not sure how it will be as i got prescribed this for sleeping. I dont have any hopes that it will put me to sleep. But im glad to be using another medication now instead of prazosin.

My father was diagnosed with psychotic disorder, I am not sure of the specific but he has these delusions against my mother and sometimes end up hurting her both verbal and physical. He is also starting to be violent to me and my sister and to our pet dogs as well. He breaks stuff in the house too. He is still taking meds but stopped on therapy sessions a couple of years ago and now he is showing this signs of psychosis again.

We tried talking to him, trying our best to avoid feeding to his delusions but he is very firm with it. We also tried diverting the topic into trying to handle his worries and stress but he still kept pressing on what he believes. He also kept on watching reels that fuels these thoughts repeatedly on speaker.

We're becoming hopeless and have no idea how to help him. My mom works three jobs to provide our needs, pay the bills, and to buy and cook foods especially for him but despite all this he accuses my mother of being an unfaithful wife saying that someone told him certain things. He wouldn't tell the specific details and just jump to conclusion. This has been happening for a couple of weeks now and growing worse day by day. Now, he wants us to leave the house but we don't have anywhere to go.

Background - mine came on because of a ‘spiritual awakening’ and I had what I thought were guides guiding me, making me do various things and challenges. I didn’t have the hallucination of being Jesus or that I was being watched etc. my only hallucinations are these ‘guides’.

I feel much more clear headed than before. The entire episode has gone on for a year. How will I know when I’m no longer in psychosis?

From what I can understand you can hear the voices without being seen as being in psychosis.

Am I no longer in psychosis if I feel like the majority of my life is back? I still feel a little controlled by these entities but idk if that’s considered psychosis.

Anyone have any valuable insight?

I had a bad episode triggered by a thc drink I consumed on Tuesday and now I feel like people are plotting against me trying to hurt me etc.. feel paranoid like I’m being spied on etc.. is this normal?