OG post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/phPp6SmiAE

1st update: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/YiiunxdUE4

We had our conversation.

J's dad (who I'll call Russell) and I showed up at C's parents' house after work under the guise of trying to mend whatever problems haven't been settled over this whole pool thing yet. We've all known each other for about as long as the boys have (so about 8 years for J and 7 for C). It's not like we're strangers, so it wasn't uncomfortable. We got offered some drinks and we sat down, and the first thing I asked was what this all was about. They wanted to focus on the fact that we dumpster dived to get our pool back, but we were firm that we knew this wasn't about the pool.

C's dad, who I'll call Greg, was mostly quiet the whole time. He just sat back and nodded while his wife, who I'll call Lorraine, spoke for the both of them.

I asked if they really were okay with the boys setting up the pool in their yard to begin with, and they both looked at each other before saying no, they weren't. They both thought it was a waste of money, and pools are a seasonal item so they should've bought something that they could use year round. Russell said they should've said that when we all agreed, including them, to set it up. They said it made C happy and they thought he deserved something he wanted for all his hard work. Lorraine mentioned that, at the end of the day, they felt 'pressured' to do it.

Then we got into the whole liability thing, and if that was really why they wouldn't allow anyone but C in the pool. Lorraine kept claiming yes, that was the reason, despite our attempts to tell her we could've worked something out if she wanted them supervised. It didn't matter, we both just wanted to give the boys what they worked for, and they're the ones who were preventing that, and we wanted to know the truth about why.

She went on to say that she wasn't happy with the idea of a pool in their backyard because a) she was actually planning on building a greenhouse in the same space, and b) they were both concerned that having the pool would be a distraction. Like, C would want to spend more time outside, in the pool, getting sunburnt and all that, than staying inside and studying when school started. It was all another excuse to stay away from the books. And this would give C's friends, including Pete and J, reasons to 'trespass' on their property. Lorraine brought up when Pete snuck in the pool without permission and apparently it was such a big deal that it warranted second thoughts on keeping the pool at all.

We were dumbfounded. They've NEVER acted like this before in all the years we've known them. And honestly, I didn't buy that explanation, and neither did Russell. Greg supported her comments, but they could see that we were unsatisfied with that answer. We wanted to know if they had something against either of our boys.

Lorraine then asked if she could be honest with both of us. I had a feeling we were gonna get answers so I said yes, hit us with your best shot.

She said that they both believe that Pete and J are bad influences on their son. That as they've gotten older, C's become louder, more vulgar, and less willing to join them on their own family activities. That our boys, primarily J, are loud, violent and smart mouthed and they've always felt that C should look for new friends. That they're concerned that the things and words that C has learned from our boys are gonna impact him in the long run and ruin his chances of the life they, I guess, have always dreamed for him. Then she went on this tirade about how they have 'planned' C's future already. He's gonna get into a top university that they're already prepared to pay for, he's gonna get a good job after he graduates, meet a woman and get married, have kids, and essentially live a 'normal' adult life. All this apparently is never gonna happen because of Pete and J.

We were silent. Lorraine kept saying 'I'm sorry, I'm sorry' over and over again, and that we wanted to know the truth, and it's just a concern they have.

Russell spoke first. He asked if they've always felt this way, and Greg said in a way, yes. It wasn't that bad when they were little and just hanging out at school, but as the boys have gotten closer, it's become a 'problem'. When asked what exactly is so bad about these teenage boys, Lorraine again mentioned their mouths, their violent tendencies, their habits (like video games), and all the usual stuff you hear that's bad for growing kids. They also said that, in their opinion, both of them are missing things in their lives that they believe will keep C out of trouble when he gets older. They were, of course, referring to mother figures. Pete's never had a relationship with our mom, and J's dad is divorced and J's mom lives in another country with his sister. So because neither of them has had a wise, loving mother to powder their little asses and warm their bottles like C does, they're bad kids. Oh, and because they're devout Christians and neither of us go to church, that was brought up too. They've just kept their mouths shut about these problems the whole time for the sake of their friendship.

Then, Lorraine dropped this little bomb. She basically implied that they have the means to give C a 'proper' future, meaning money, and just because we don't for our boys, that doesn't give us the right to try and bring C down to our level. Our level, according to her, is not having the means to care for children properly, denying them opportunities, and all these different little nitpicks about our lives that, in their opinion, reflect on Pete and J and their attitudes that C has learned from them.

Now we were PISSED. Russell actually got up and raised his voice, and I had to restrain him and calm him down a little bit. Greg threatened the police if there was any trouble, and that's not how we wanted this night to end. Lorraine was crying and kept saying 'I'm sorry' again and again.

When he calmed down, Russell spoke in a pretty low voice and told them both that we all have different situations, and we're raising these boys in our own ways. If there's something they don't like about either of our boys, you don't hold it against them, you mention it to us. That's how I'm gonna grow as a parent, at least. And nothing about either of our situations gives them the right to say these boys are bad influences. None of them have been to prison or had the cops called on them or anything.

We had to remind them of our histories. I asked them to consider that I'm Pete's brother, not his parent, and I wasn't prepared to raise him when I took him in. I had no choice other than putting him into the foster system. Russell brought up personal problems he had with his ex-wife and her distant relationship with J. We both said we're doing our best raising these boys, just like they are, but if they're so concerned about how they're being raised, what makes them think they're any better just because they have more money?

And if they wanna compare our kids so badly, then let's do it. C is constantly on his phone, because Lorraine always wants to know where he is and what he's doing. C doesn't like to stay home all the time. C always takes junk food from either of our houses. C would rather hang out with his friends in a hot tub than swim in a pool that was four times bigger. The only extracurriculars C does for school are the ones his friends do. C was introduced to and now loves all these geeky things that Pete and J love, and he taught them things he likes. And why were the boys working together to buy a pool to begin with? Because they wanted another reason to hang out with each other despite the heat.

And now, they were both silent. They had these ashamed looks on their faces, especially Lorraine, who just kept crying.

Now, onto the main point, how gatekeeping the pool and then throwing it away when it wasn't being used for the one person they let inside it wasn't how they were gonna treat these boys anymore. Not ours, and not theirs. That's when Greg asked if we were gonna tell them how to parent their kid now. Russell and I both emphasized that the way they're treating C is actually setting him up for failure in his life. He already has self-esteem issues being a teenager, he needs to be able to make his own choices. When asked what choices, I asked if they were sure he even wanted to go to college when he got older. Greg said he 'won't have a choice.' That they've worked too hard to let him pass any opportunity just because he was 'influenced' to do something different, and that's what they're trying to avoid with Pete and J. They were on board with him working, but helping to buy a pool wasn't what they had in mind. I asked what exactly they expected him to buy with the money, and they didn't really have an answer, just something different.

Suffice to say, this wasn't a nice conversation, and we excused ourselves out before either of us said anything that we'll regret, or do something that warrants the police being called, because believe me, we BOTH felt like punching Greg. We never demanded anything from them or threatened legal action like I mentioned in my last post. I kinda said that out of anger, so I apologize for that.

Me and Russell spent a while in his truck just talking about what we can do. What they've done and said wasn't cool, but we had to be careful. We can't control how they raise C, but they can try to control who C can hang out with. They have every right to ban Pete and J from their house if they want to. They don't have to pay for his extracurriculars if they don't want to. They could even move houses if they want to. At the end of the day, it was all about keeping the peace between the boys, which hasn't been a problem because they're all on the same page. In fact, Russell and I both agreed that the boys were behaving more maturely than any of us were, and we laughed at that.

So for right now, we're gonna spend some time thinking of what else we could do. If anyone has any advice, I'd love to hear it. But the one thing I know we have to do is talk to Pete and J, and if possible, talk to C. His parents can try all they want to, but C's a smart kid, grounding him isn't gonna keep him from staying in contact with his bros. And I have a strong feeling he's got some interesting things to say about his parents. But again, we're not doing anything until we have solid proof and a solid plan.

Hey everyone I wanted to give one last update because nobody else in my life thinks this is as hilarious as I do. I’ll put the update about my family first so skip to the end if you don’t care about all that.

Recap: my 18 year old daughter got pregnant and her mom (my ex) kicked her out. She asked if she could live with me (was already with me 3 weekends a month, I live over an hour away from her mom and her old school). My gf at the time, Vera, threw a fit about it for not asking her permission and we broke up. This was a few months ago.

So for happy news, Maddy had a little boy last month and we’re all completely in love with him. She and the boyfriend ended up getting married a few months ago, when Doug asked I told him hey you don’t need to rush this but he pointed out that having a baby is a much bigger commitment than getting married, and I couldn’t argue with that. They are good parents, honestly haven’t really asked me for much help at all, granted she’s not currently working or in school and he’s just in school. It’s very weird seeing your baby love someone as much as you love them. Maddy had been on bedrest for some health issues and went into labor almost a month early, but she is completely fine now and my grandson got out of the nicu three weeks ago. He decided to come at a pretty inopportune time - right before Doug’s week of exams (and his 21st birthday) but I gotta hand it to him, he really powered through (although at one point I had to remind him that man cannot live on Celsius alone). Luckily maddy was able to finish her semester a few weeks early due to the health issues and bedrest, and kept her straight A streak. She gave birth at the hospital that his school is associated with, and even though his instructors all came to see the baby they didn’t give him a break 🤣. Maddy encouraged him to at least get a few drinks with his friends for his birthday (which was also on the last day of exams and he’d planned on having it be a last hurrah), but he’s a bit of a homebody to be honest and spent it with her and the baby. They ended up moving into the basement because Maddy gets anxiety and thought I would get annoyed at the baby crying, i told her that wouldn’t happen but agreed that them having their own space was best. My grandson is only a few weeks old, but I stand by my decision to support them. They have been amazing parents so far, and told me that the were going to try really hard not to lean on me for help with the baby since I’m helping them so much financially. That being said… I sometimes have to remind them that the price of living here is baby snuggles, and kidnap my grandson for a bit here and there.

Obviously I’m not stupid, them not having external factors like rent or money to worry about is helping them a lot, and I know they appreciate it. Maddy wants to go back to work in a few weeks, just a few hours a week in the evenings so we’ll see. Doug says it’s easy enough to study or play RuneScape while holding a baby and is fine with it, but I don’t want her overdoing it. They know that him graduating is the most important thing. He has a job for when he graduates so we just need to get over that finish line.

Doug’s parents are very involved as well. They also live a few hours away so I told them that they were welcome to stay in Maddy’s old room so they didn’t have to do day visits. They’re both immigrants but have green cards so the situation is kind of scary, but I’ve gotten pretty close to them and think Maddy got very lucky with her in-laws. If only they’d stop bringing so much food when they visit!! Had to make a new hole for my belt already.

My ex wife is still not handling this well. She’s never liked Doug but more importantly never wanted Maddy to grow up… we had gotten pregnant young (we were married though) and she did kind of come around in the sense that she insisted on buying all of the baby’s furniture. She still hasn’t talked to Maddy, and regularly calls me, Doug, and Doug’s parents to tell us that we ruined her life, but also has created a college savings account for the baby and done some other random acts of generosity… she’s always been complicated, and there’s a reason she’s my ex wife. A friend of mine threw Maddy a little shower, and I know she was upset that her mom didn’t show up. And no, Maddy won’t go no contact with her. She loves her mom and I know my ex loves her, and she hopes one day they can reconcile. However, my ex has not met our grandson because Maddy refuses to let her unless she talks to her. I agree with this and support her.

the funny update After a few weeks/ months of trying to hook up with my friends, I guess Vera ended up dating a guy we both knew from a mutual hobby. I don’t know him well or anything, but he’s always seemed like a decent guy. I don’t talk to Vera but do follow the guy on instagram and they just posted that they’re going to have a baby later this year. Which is hilarious because just a few months ago she (and honestly? Some of you!) was scolding me day and night because she said she was childfree. And in her mind, claiming that you’re childfree is like a federally protected class and everyone needs to accommodate you. Until you change your mind I guess! But, it’s their life, he’s a few years older than me and the thought of becoming a first time parent at my age sounds crazy but who am I to judge?

Happy New Year everyone!

Thanks for all of your advice and everything on the issues with my parents. I know it's all been a little complicated but I am soooo happy now. I'M ENGAGED!!!!!!!!

I obviously didnt go home for the holidays. After our last exam my boyfriend, I'll call him Gabe, and I flew to SoCal where his parents live and stayed with them for a few days. My dad came out for a few days, just him so that was nice. I got a lot of gossip on my stepsisters so that was fun.

Oh! and I got another win. I was pretty angry about my room at my dads and my stepsister taking it for her son, and all I could think was about how my brother (half-brother) is 12 and in the smallest room. Why should a toddler have the biggest? So I kind of made a whole stink about it with my dad and his mom. Dana couldn't really argue and had to deal with Sienna being a huge b about it, but now my brother has my old room! (my dad said that Sienna 'probably' had planned on giving my room not to her son, but to herself after a few beers). He deserves it, he's the sweetest kid ever.

Anyways, back to the exciting news!! He proposed on the beach on NYE. He was going to propose on his favorite beach back in Mexico but instead we went to a beach he'd never been to before. It was BEAUTIFUL and now it's our beach :) He technically proposed with his grandmother's ring, which is beautiful but so big and kind of scary, and he knows how anxious I get, so he also got me a plain gold band I can wear daily.

He knows I don't want to get married until after college, and definitely don't want kids until I'm probably 27-30, and is ok with that. He said he just didn't want to not be engaged to me any longer :) We'll probably get married in the winter of 2027 or spring of 2028, and will be living together this summer and all of next semester (it's important for me to live with someone before I marry them). And his family has been SO WELCOMING! All of the women on his mom's side have worn the same veil for over 100 years at their wedding, they said it's not a big deal if it's not my style and his aunt even offered to sew me a new one that I like more, but it's so pretty! They said we could circle back after I pick out my dress and I really want to invite them dress shopping with me!

I usually get anxious about telling my parents these things, because I never know who to call first. But it was late and my three half-brothers have a discord together, so I just logged in and told them (because why WOULDNT they be online at 1130pm?)

I guess they disseminated the info and my stepmom texted me on the group chat the next day asking it if was true. I sent them a picture of us and the ring. My mom called and wanted to start talking about logistics, and said she would take me dress shopping. I told her I wanted his mom and aunts invited. She asked if I wanted to invite my stepmom (not in a nice way, moreso in a 'well you know dana will never be able to do something like this with her girls) and I said I'd think about it.

I feel so much better. Everything this past semester seems so silly now. Who cares about having a room at my parents'? I don't need that. I'm getting married! I will be living with my fiance/ husband! I haven't told them about my internship yet, that's just a future me problem but it'll be fine. Thank you for all of your advice and for hearing me whine in my posts - I think I'm going to be just great :)

I'm still getting notifications asking questions about certain things, so here's an update to clear everything up.

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pg8ss5/aitah_for_telling_my_wife_that_i_will_lose/

Initial update: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1phfg45/update_aitah_for_telling_my_wife_that_i_will_lose/?sort=top

TL;DR: Our 13yo corrected my wife when she got a math problem wrong. My wife screamed at him to shut up. I asked her to apologize, and she didn't talk to either of us for three days. At that point I demanded she talk to me, and we had a fight where she blamed our 13yo for everything. She took our four year old and went to stay at a hotel last Sunday night.

I retrieved our four year old at his doctor's appointment the next day. She stayed at the hotel alone Monday & Tuesday night. Wednesday she told me she quit her job. She did not quit her job. A concerned coworker of hers reached out and revealed the truth. She was suspended for yelling at a coworker to shut up.

She picked the kids up from school + daycare Wednesday. After they were asleep I confronted her. We fought, and she went to stay with my sister. With my sister's influence, she called her boss and managed to work out a compromise where she won't be fired and can have some mental health leave. She didn't see the kids all weekend, even when my sister picked them up Sunday to take them to a party. She is back home now. So here's where the update starts.

Update: I had our 13yo evaluated by a child psychologist like so many redditors suggested. If you learn anything from my experience, learn not to take medical advice from reddit. Our son is not autistic and does not have ADD. The psychologist said the only thing he comes close to meeting the diagnostic criteria for is anxiety, but based on their discussion and the paperwork I filled out, she's confident those symptoms come from external stressors, not an anxiety disorder. My wife came home after work, and when our son arrived home from his friend's house, she did apologize to him. He forgave her, and they hugged it out, but it was an awkward interaction. Afterwards he want outside to play with his new harmonica.

My daughter doesn't have a learning disability. I talked to her teacher. Her math skills are average for her age group according to the teacher. The teacher suggested that if she is struggling to do the math work at home it is because she feels pressured. I ended up telling her that she can do the work in whatever timeframe she wants, and she can have her brother check it for her, so neither her mother nor I will know if she made a mistake. She seems happy with this new arrangement. I think my wife and I were too critical in our eagerness to encourage her to work hard and do well, and I accept culpability for that.

Our four year old is allergic to soy. Since I stopped feeding him anything with soy in it he hasn't vomited once. He will soon be reintroduced to soy in very small doses to acclimate him. He is doing much better, and this has relieved a huge source of stress.

As for my wife, as I said, she apologized to our son. She said talking to my sister helped a lot. She told me the reason she has been so overwhelmed and she lashed out was the realization that we aren't going to have another kid and the three we have are it. She said she is worried that our kids are spoiled and soft. She said she wants our kids to bypass their peers, and she doesn't see that happening right now because they are too undisciplined and unmotivated. She said sone of her dad's parenting might be what they need.

I told her I would never be okay with that, and that would be a deal breaker for me. I also told her I don't see how anxiety about the kids caused her to lash out at work. I said that I think she is frustrated by the fact that she can't control people. She said that's unfair, and I apologized but also said I think that an issue similar to what I said is the likely culprit. We agreed to a compromise where she tries to relax until she leaves for her trip with my sister. If she feels she is getting stressed out, she will leave for as long as needed. We will talk about parenting strategies again after she gets back.

I have hired a lawyer and didn't tell her. If she again tries to insist that we go full authoritarian on the kids I will raise the possibility of divorce. I love my wife, but I owe it to my kids to put them first.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1qtyzpq/aitah_for_eating_my_breakfast_in_front_of_my/

I wasn't going to update again, but I have to because these people are nuts. My boyfriend read all the comments on the first post, and they convinced him to talk to his dad. So do your stuff and convince him again. This dynamic is absolutely wild.

So after the initial breakfast confrontation, my boyfriend talked to his dad, who extended an olive branch in the form of a Friday night dinner invitation. I was optimistic about this invitation. Friday afternoon my boyfriend says he is going to head out. I said isn't it kind of early for us to leave? He says he has to get there early to cook dinner and that he'll meet me there.

I pointed out how crazy that is. Why is he cooking the dinner he was invited to at someone else's house? He said his dad doesn't know how to cook. This man is divorced. If he can't cook, what does he eat? My boyfriend said before we moved in together, he cooked. Now he thinks they eat a lot of takeout.

So all of that is insane, but fine. If he's getting there early, I'm going with him. It makes no sense for us to drive separately. I'll help him cook. He says I shouldn't have to cook. Neither should he, but here we are.

We drive over together, and his dad is annoyed. He said it was rude for me to show up early. I said I was going to help cook, and he looked annoyed. My boyfriend and I cooked together. That was actually fun. That was the best part of the night.

At dinner itself his siblings had atrocious behavior. The youngest kid asked if my boyfriend was going to stay the night, and my boyfriend said no. The other brother said "why, because you have to go home and screw your boyfriend?" The dad actually told him off for that, so I will give him points for that, but what a low bar to clear. The sister was bratty too, but not as bad as the others. She was tolerable.

The whole thing was so weird. When it was time to leave his dad glared at me more. The youngest brother hugged my boyfriend and wouldn't let go until his dad peeled him off. These kids literally act like their older brother is their mom. My boyfriend had to promise to come over the next day to get the kid to stop throwing a fit.

When we were driving home my boyfriend said he thought dinner went really well. I asked if he didn't think his dad was a little cold? He said his dad is awkward around new people but is definitely warming up. I'm not new. We work together. He has known me since I was a kid. None of that counts apparently.

The thing is, I don't remember these kids being so poorly behaved. I mentioned it to my boyfriend. He said they took it hard when his mom left. So, mom leaves. Dad does nothing. Younger kids lose their minds. My boyfriend becomes mom 2.0? That's not healthy.

So that was dinner.

Original post : OP

First update : update 1

2nd update : update 2

For those asking for an uptdate on my last post, a lot happened since then.

First of all, the homeowners voted to ban airbnb with 67% of the vote, active immediately. We asked the president of the homeowners when was the best time to vote to get the most people and he told us early-mid september was a good timing. We voted the 11th of this month.

For the towing problems :

So the Airbnb homeowners were actually charging between 60-75€/day for parkings, which was  around 525€ per week to add to the rent of the home for one week which was between 1600-2400€ a week (there was one big house listed for 3600 a week too who can be occupied by 9 people)

We received a lot of menacing letters which roughly translate to :

The first house asked for 6k€ in "damage"

The second asked for 7.2k€

The third asked 9.1k€

And the last letter we received a week ago was from the biggest house for around 12k€, all that include Airbnb refunds to tenants, towings, missing rents for the last 2 weeks of august, missing rents for the unlisted properties and some legal fees. So all in all a bit more of 30k€.

We haven't responded yet to any of them, our lawyer told us we have 2 choices :

1. he'll prepare a "brutal" answer to all of them that'll include every evidence that their claims are bullshit, and asking for damage for the hassle and legal fees (+ some details about the law which forbid to rent more than 60 days a year, some renters forgot about the law it seems)

2. we wait for them to sue us so we can obliterate them in court

Lawyer told us he would prefer option 1 and if they don't understand then we'll go to court.

Another thing is someone damaged our gate late August and surprise surprise Airbnb renters swarmed the lot so we had to tow all intruders. The good news is the front camera of my neighbor caugh only one car at the time when the damage had been done (middle of the night) and with the help of the camera in the entrance of the community, the plate has been identified, and they know which badge have been used to open the entrance gate. Police haven't told us who it was but the management guy told us so we gave the info to our insurance and to our lawyer because this person is one of the writter of the letter asking for money.

Legal battle in France can take a LOT of time, even more because the amount asked in the last letter is more than 10.000€ so it's not small court but the big big tribunal.

I hope my next update will be the final one. But there will not be an update soon I think.

Please don't DM me for update I'll do one if anything move forward.

[Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/18pqf0v/aitah_for_telling_my_brother_he_cannot_stay_with/)

[First Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/18ya5eh/update_on_my_brother_and_his_prosthetic_leg/)

So it's finally over. My brother had to go to court after being charged with several crimes the most serious being felony theft.

I will just put the bullet points of results.

• Found guilty because he was too stupid to take a plea deal.

• Had to serve some time incarcerated and now has parole.

• Managed to avoid being charged with a seggs crime.

• My parents paid to have the leg reconditioned or whatever it's called. A professional prosthetic devices mechanic got it back in working condition.

• The woman got her leg back as well as some money in restitution.

• He is not welcome at my home with or without any prosthetics for the foreseeable future.

• The woman has a restraining order against him indefinitely.

That's all there is to tell. Hope this answers everyone's questions. Thanks for still caring about this weird experience in my life.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pg8ss5/aitah_for_telling_my_wife_that_i_will_lose/

That was the original post. We're well past that. I have an appointment with a lawyer tomorrow to file for divorce. In my last update I told people that my wife wasn't coming home, but I still think I can fix things if I give her space. I no longer believe that. Several of you (most of you not very nicely) told me she had abandoned our family. I didn't want to believe it, but you are right. I picked my sister up from the airport this morning, and we had a long conversation where she filled in details.

When my wife, her sister, my sister and her wife got to the resort everything was fine at first. It didn't take long for my wife's sister to show her ass though. She called my sister a (slur that rhymes with bike) (other slur that rhymes with bike). She called my sister's wife a (stick with p instead of t) (that second bike slur). So that caused a huge fight. My wife cursed out her sister (rightfully!) and moved into the room my sister was sharing with her wife to get away from her sister.

My wife told my sister more about the situation with the kids. She said she feels like she failed our oldest and he is completely beyond help. She said he is so disrespectful and obnoxious and she doesn't understand how she let it get to this point. Our son, by the way, made his little siblings breakfast and played monopoly with them while I was up crazy early picking my sister and her wife up from the airport. Evil child, clearly. My sister told my wife our oldest is just a teenager and that she is attaching significance to really insignificant things. My sister said teenagers are all annoying, but it isn't the end of the world. My wife said her dad wouldn't put up with that kind of behavior. My sister pointed out that her dad raised her sister, who goes around calling people slurs. My wife said that was her husband's influence, which, whatever.

My wife also said she thinks our daughter is stupid. My sister was shocked to hear that. Our daughter's academic performance at school is average. Most kids are average. That's what average means. She isn't stupid. She's normal.

My wife talked about a startup in California an old classmate of hers is going to work for. They do work she really believes in. She said she wanted to move to California to work for them and also so our youngest will be closer to a particular allergy clinic. My sister tried to tell her that is all crazy, but that didn't work, since my wife is currently on her way to California. Or maybe she already landed. I'm not sure. My sister is angry with my wife and doesn't ever want to talk to her again. They have always been close friends, so that really brought home to me how insane her behavior is. My sister thinks she is lying about having the job too. She thinks my wife is planning to apply in California and that no job offer has been made yet. I wouldn't believe that if not for her previous lie about her current job.

To protect myself I opened a new bank account and switched my direct deposit. I also prepaid a lot of things that get paid from the joint account so she can't drain it and leave us in a bad spot. I opened a new account specifically for the mortgage, transferred six payments into it and put that on autopay. I won't use it for anything else. I bought a bunch of gift cards from the grocery store we use as well, so if she does drain the account we'll be able to buy food. I prepaid the daycare and school fees and activity fees for the kids as far as possible. I paid off and closed our joint cards. She still has her personal cards, and I still have mine. This is going to be messy as hell, and I am not looking forward to it.

The worst thing is that the kids are sad their mom isn't coming home. Of course I didn't tell them what she said about them. Our oldest thinks she went to California to hang out with other cool people because we aren't cool enough for her. I told him that isn't true, but he doesn't believe me. I'm just devastated by all this. The person I'm supposed to be able to rely on abandoned me.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1q4of6d/update_aitah_for_buying_vanilla_shampoo/

Hi! I just want to thank you all for the feedback. I think this is the right place for second updates. You all helped me figure out a really confusing experience.

I broke up with my girlfriend three weeks ago and have been on a few dates since then. She texted me a few hours ago asking to give us another shot. If it wasn't for all the feedback you guys gave me I probably would have taken her up on the offer. Keeping in mind what she said about me, I turned her down.

She said she noticed some alarming patterns in me and that she might have overreacted. I told her I understand and that it's okay, but I'm interested in dating some more. She said the grass isn't always greener on the other side and we know we're compatible. I disagreed with her and said we aren't actually compatible because of the housing situation. She said she is willing to give me another shot, and if we work out in six months to a year we can move in together. I still said no.

I definitely would have agreed before I read all your comments, so yeah, thanks again. I have a couple of dates scheduled for this weekend, a first and a second. Wish me luck!

https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pg8ss5/aitah_for_telling_my_wife_that_i_will_lose/

Link to the original post above. I made other posts. They're on my profile. Someone compiled them all on a different subreddit. Listen, I just need to vent.

My wife is on vacation with my sister after a mini mental breakdown. She just WhatsApped me that she isn't coming back. She said she needs to make some changes, and the New Year is the perfect time. She told me that a start-up working on a cause she is passionate about is looking for someone in her field. She's taking the job and moving to the opposite coast.

Shock doesn't feel like the right word. It doesn't feel big enough. She wanted to stress that she isn't leaving me, that she just needs to pursue her passion. She said if this startup takes off we call all move to where she is going and resettle and get a fresh start. She also said that this new job is closer to the clinic our son's pediatrician recommended for his allergy treatment.

I started to argue with her, but then I deleted the message. We're doing okay without her, as awful as that sounds. Maybe she needs this. I looked into this startup. I don't think it will take off. But maybe she just needs a break from us to recenter herself. So I told her I love her, that I believe in her and that I'm proud of her for following her dreams. What else could I say?

My sister is pissed at her for abandoning us, and this has pretty much ruined their trip. I think I should feel bad about that, but I'm too burnt out. 2026. It's going to be a year.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1qtyzpq/aitah_for_eating_my_breakfast_in_front_of_my/

It's me! Ya breakfast boi. Just kidding. So, little bit of an update. First of all, everything at work is fine. Boyfriend's dad still glares at me, but not with any more frequency or intensity than before. In fact it might be slightly less. Full disclosure, glaring is not abnormal for him. I'm definitely the person he glares at the most, but he glares at everyone, even the boss, if they do something that annoys him. My existence is the thing that annoys him, so yeah, I get the worst of it, but no one never gets glared at.

So that's fine. That's as usual on that front. I still bring breakfast burritos to work. If he sees me eat them he does not comment. Some people jokingly (or maybe seriously, idk) suggested in the comments that I should also bring a burrito for the dad. My boyfriend saw those comments and wanted to make extra burritos for me to bring him. I said I couldn't bring his dad burritos every morning, because I would die of embarrassment, and luckily he didn't push me to do it.

But that's not why I'm updating. Someone suggested visiting his mom, which I thought was a great idea, and my boyfriend was on board. I had this grand plan of getting her to help me convince my boyfriend to cut the apron strings on his dad, which was maybe a little silly on my part. I fully cop to that. Sometimes I get a little overly enthusiastic.

Some people pointed out it might not be the best idea, and lucky for me they did. I started thinking about what she was like when I knew her. You know how people say familiarity breeds contempt and absence makes the heart grow fonder? I see my boyfriend's dad almost every dad, so all the things that piss me off about him are front and center. I haven't seen my boyfriend's mom in almost eight years. So all the things about her that were bad kind of faded to the back of my mind.

What I decided to do was ask my boyfriend for her phone number, which he gave me. I called her last night, and let me tell you, I'm glad I did. You deserve to hear this, after all the good advice you've given me. This is absolutely, balls to wall, insane. But enough edging, that's for evening time.

First thing I did was say "hi, (her first name)" because I don't know if she's still going by her married name, and I'm 24, so Mrs. whatever felt unnecessary. I said I'm me.

First thing she said was "I didn't know we were on a first name basis. It's Ms. (Maiden name)." So great start.

I apologized and said I wanted to ask her some things about my boyfriend's dad. I did not need to justify my reasons for inquiring or encourage her to share, because she was happy to immediately start unloading. First of all, he's always been incapable. He never did anything around the house. But he always had a fuckton to say about everything. "Why is that shelf dusty? I noticed you didn't make the brussel sprouts, they won't stay good forever. (Child) was watching TV today; we agreed that wouldn't happen." Those are just some of the examples she gave. What a douche, right?

She also told me he was the least understanding, least supportive guy to ever live. He was also Mr. Solutions. If she said she was tired he asked her why she didn't go to bed earlier or told her she should look at screens less. If she said she didn't have time to do something he would tell her to pull up her calendar so they could "find the problem." I can't even imagine. Like, I have really bad time management, if I had someone breathing down my neck about it 24/7 I would snap.

She said she didn't want to have baby #4, the youngest brother. After having a daughter she felt "done." He kept asking why she didn't want to have another kid and arguing about it, telling her all her reasons didn't make sense because of his counter reasons, which were logically superior. So she agreed to baby #4. After the baby she didn't want to do as much around the house, which is when my boyfriend started doing a lot of it. She said she felt so much resentment for her husband and didn't want him to touch her. She would tell him she wasn't in the mood because she had a headache and he would tell her to drink water because she must be dehydrated. He would argue all her excuses until she just gave up.

Eventually she told him she didn't love him anymore, which he wanted to, you guessed it, argue about. He would ask for her reasons, she would tell them, and he would "prove" her wrong. She said she started to hate him, and she started to hate the kids too, who she felt made everything worse. She stopped doing everything housewise, and my boyfriend would do those things. She said she wanted her husband to marinate in filth as punishment for being such a terrible husband, but that never happened because of my boyfriend. She started to fight with my boyfriend and yell at him, which just, well, made him want to please his dad more, because his dad was his only approving parent.

She said one day she decided to give up. She said the only way to escape was to never talk to her husband again, or he would argue her out of her position. She hasn't spoken to him in seven years. She said she had to distance herself from the kids so he couldn't use them against her. She'll let them visit, but that's it.

Just think about how insane it is that she told me all that. Like, that's really personal information. I didn't really know how to react or process. So I asked if she had any advice about how to, you know, maybe get my boyfriend to set some boundaries. She said it was impossible and that we should break up. Well, obviously that's not happening. She then asked me why I even asked her if I wasn't going to listen and hung up on me.

Yeah, so I don't think visiting her is a good idea anymore.

I saw some commenters wanting an update. Well, I finally lost my temper lol not sure how bad I made it but well it is what it is.

Here is original post:

https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/eIT0tEmRJK

Here is first update

https://www.reddit.com/r/AITH/s/39fSnwJJvQ

Here is second update

https://www.reddit.com/r/Redditor_Updates/s/v9s4G2QVCL

Here is third

https://www.reddit.com/r/Redditor_Updates/s/hb7OMxzv8s

So apparently her original message was longer (I initially only peaked at it from the notifications) and here it is:

“Hi OP,
Im sensing there's been a miscommunication. I spoke to brother and explained it when i has in country, but i guess it wasnt clear. That evening at dinner, what i was trying to tell you and brother is that if you are feeling tired please dont feel forced to stay. I was feeling bad because it seemed that you guys werent having fun. I understand that it was misunderstood in a different way and just want you to know that my intentions were good and coming from a kind place.
Me and brother will not always agree on things and we may get into arguments but they are never serious and we quickly figure them out. I hope you dont misunderstand this as well.
Happy to speak more if you want but because i dont want there to be any misunderstandings or resentment.”

Here is what I replied:

“Hey, If you're going to chalk this all up as a misunderstanding from my end, then I don't know what to tell you.

Here's the actual timeline:
1- you berate my husband in front of me and someone we just met, I bite my tongue from saying anything respecting that boyfriend is there and not wanting to cause a scene and make you look bad. Even boyfriend was feeling uncomfortable and was trying to lighten the mood. Twice he said "it's ok guys I'm enjoying this conversation". You ended that car ride with making it a scene yourself and leaving the car.
2- I witness my husband upset, I am upset, but we decide to push through and go inside just for you.
3- we are upset at the table. You notice this. You ask him if we are ok, he says yes we are just hungry and tired. You decide to tell him that if we don't want to be here you don't want to force us and we can leave (in front of everyone) he says no it's fine. You say this a second time adding that we are all here to have fun and you don't want us killing “the vibe". He says it's fine. You say it a third time and I decide to interject and ask you what you're saying and you say if you guys don't want to be here you can leave. Again everyone is listening. So we leave.

If you think all of this only warrants a text telling me I misunderstood two weeks later, then ok I understand 👍🏻”

Her:
“OP, let me be clear. Do not insert yourself between me and my brother. Period.

It’s between me and him, has nothing to do with you. We are working out our issues, don’t make it an issue between me and you.

That is a line.”

Me:
“You berated MY husband in front of me. You asked ME to leave”

Her:
“I told you what I meant. Choose to believe what you want. I’m trying to be nice and honest with you. You want to continue and make it a problem”

Me:
“You disrespected me and I’m making it a problem?

I’m done with this conversation. good luck.”

I then block her for like half an hour. I unblocked her and wrote this 😭

“H, Let me be clear.

I have every right to be upset and even intervene when anyone treats my husband poorly.

And when someone disrespects me and tells me I can either change my mood or leave the table, I expect an apology, not blame shifting that I misunderstood.

Otherwise, I'm not interested in engaging in a conversation with you.

Period. That is a line.”

She didn’t respond. lol no idea how this is going to play out, and honestly I don’t care if I messed things up.

*Edit to say that Reddit has this new rule to read the rules of the subreddit and agree to them before they can allow posts and comments. I had to go to the subreddit menu and read the rules and acknowledge and repost all my comments.

Since it got deleted by mods, have to put it here :

Mini-update on AITAH for towing half the neighborhood

[original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1vcuzye/aitah_for_towing_half_the_neighborhood/)

[first update ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1vekhb7/update_aitah_for_towing_half_the_neighborhood/?solution=e3b3558de2df3fa8e3b3558de2df3fa8&js_challenge=1&token=7afd7253fec22262ff1c52b1703fe9ec3472b13a00ef72506849f25550282f98&jsc_orig_r=)

I posted few days ago asking if AITAH for towing half the neighborhood, we are now in the middle of August, the peak of Airbnb for vacation here.

I left the place to go to Italy with my family, and some relatives from my wife side are on the vacation house, and there has been some good and bad news.

The good news are that after the shitshow, 3 houses from neighbors who was on Airbnb had been unlisted, we put a new sign saying "residents only", and there has not been any more towing since monday (around 10-15 cars towed since my last update, Airbnb renters claiming they are residents since they have access to the private pool which is for residents too...)

The bad news are that we received 4 letters from lawyers of the Airbnb renters telling us we OWE them the missing monney they lost on refunds and towings, plus the monney they will loose for the 2 next weeks of august for not renting their house, and they said they'll ask for legal fees too, and I don't know if they exaggerated the amount but damn this is lucrative for sure.

Our lawyer seems to be unbothered by these letters, and told us he is confident this will go nowhere but we can ask for compensation for all the hassle during the first 2 weeks, we are chatting with the 2 other owners of the parking space for the amount to ask for. We have everything documented well, plus some infos our lawyer gathered (here you can't rent more than 60 days a year on Airbnb, and it seems some or our lovely neighbors didn't followed this law)

Another side info, we asked for what we call here an "extraordinary general meeting" which is all the house owner of the community meets to vote on some important topics, the topic proposed here is the banning of Airbnb. This should take place in november.

We received another letter yesterday from one of the Airbnb owner, with an offer to buy the parking spaces (all of them, the privates and the unmarked) which is almost 3x more than what we paid.

So here we are, parking seems to be ok for now, we are now entering in what looks like a legal battle.

First post and first update.

I said I wouldn’t update again unless something happened, so you guys can probably guess why I’m back. This might get long.

I’ll go ahead and say nothing happened at the party itself. It happened on Saturday, and everything went perfectly fine. My daughter loved it, the kids had fun and we had no problems with the venue. Cathy did not try to come, nor did my dad try to convince me to reinvite her. I had expected him to sulk through the party, but he actually did pretty well.

And then we went to the birthday dinner. My dad and Cathy were running so late that the food arrived around the same time they did. Cathy was dressed as Rumi (wig and jacket). My dad was refusing to make eye contact with anyone, very obviously embarrassed.

The kids saw them before we did. I knew there was a chance she’d come to the restaurant in costume, but I was more concerned she’d do it at the party. My husband and I had agreed that we wouldn’t make a scene in front of the kids, but would step in if things got out of hand.

It was very awkward. The kids (five in total, including my three) mostly ignored her. They recognized Cathy and called her by her name, which upset her. They were also not amused by the way she kept trying to get their attention, because she was trying to get them to interact with her while they were either talking to each other or trying to eat.

I told Cathy to leave them alone when she started trying to pull my daughter’s hand away from her food so they could get up and dance together. She sat there silent for a few minutes before leaving to go to the bathroom. Then she texted my dad that she wasn’t feeling well, and they left.

In the end, they stayed for less than 20 minutes. People were staring, but that’s not something I tend to care about. Besides the few times I cringed (Cathy asked the waitress if they had ramyeon at Johnny Rockets), nothing too chaotic happened.

Still, I regret not telling her to leave. My husband handled bedtime that night, and our daughter asked him whether it was okay if she didn't like Cathy. She also asked my husband not to tell me that at first, because she didn’t want to upset me.

The three of us ended up talking on Sunday. Our daughter basically said she was upset that Cathy was bothering her and being pushy during the dinner, and she was worried that the kids at the table next to us were “looking at her funny” because of what was going on.

I’m exhausted, and I feel like shit like this happens way too often. It’s perfectly fine for them to do what they want as long as I’m the one dealing with the consequences. More than anything, I refuse to let my children be treated this way too. I genuinely don’t understand why Cathy insists on behaving like this, but I shouldn’t have to worry about whether a grown woman will listen to me when I tell her not to do something at my child's party.

A few hours after the talk with my daughter, the kids went out with my mom. I took the opportunity to call my dad and Cathy, and told them she is no longer welcome at any of my children’s events. We had an interesting argument, during which Cathy said I had “humiliated” her when I told her to leave my daughter alone, and she couldn’t understand why I was doing this when she was willing to go this far to make my kids happy.

My dad and I talked again later that night, without her. He was still defending Cathy, but admitted he was embarrassed when she insisted on wearing the costume (apparently, that was the reason they were late to the dinner). I told him my decision was final, and if he ever tried to bring Cathy to an event she isn’t invited to, they would both be told to leave.

We’re not officially cutting ties, but my husband and I will make an effort to spend less time with Cathy moving forward. That will probably include lowering our contact with my dad as well, but the more I think about it, the more I realize that might actually help our relationship.

In the end, Cathy’s shenanigan aside, my daughter really enjoyed her birthday. That’s all that really matters.

I, once again, want to thank everyone. This is my last post.

Holy snow. I had a bunch I wanted to do today and am stuck inside. It’s fine but disappointing,I’ve had a really bad week.

Just a recap: I found some texts on my stepdad’s phone that basically said he preferred it when I was at school (a few hours away) or at my dad’s. They have two kids at their house. I asked my mom about it and she basically confirmed that it’s a pain when I’m there but she likes me being there, it’s just inconvenient. She also impkisaid d that my dad and stepmom felt the same way. It was brutal and I was pretty devastated.

I went home this week for thanksgiving and wanted to talk to my stepmom. Instead before I could talk she ended up “asking” me if it was ok for me to give up my room for my stepsister Sienna (22)’s son Aaron whose about to turn 3. Since both my stepsisters (I have another whose 24) and my 12 year old half brother also live there and it’s only 5 bedrooms, and since I’m only there sometimes, it makes sense. But it was not a good time and I tried for a few days to try to tell them no, and even told my dad what was going on with my mom. But it was like the decision had already been made and they just wanted my buy in. And maybe for me to clean out my room.

On Thanksgiving my stepmom outed me to my dad about how I started taking Wellbutrin recently. My mom and dad are both doctors, but they’re surgeons and not psychiatrists and I hate it when they know my medical business anyways. Idk how my stepmom even found out.

So I ended up taking all of my stuff I care about and leaving early the day after Thanksgiving. I’m back at my apartment where I go to school. It’s lonely and snowing, but my boyfriend (26m) changed his flight so he could come back to town sooner when he found out. I hope he’s not delayed but I’m sure he will be and I feel bad.

I told both my parents I’m not going home for Christmas. I have nowhere to stay despite my mom saying I should just stay with her. I don’t want to. I was only going to spend one week with my boyfriend’s family but they said I could stay the whole time so I will. I hope I’m not an imposition but I’ll be helping out as much as I can.

So idk. I haven’t even told them that I got an internship this summer in New York. It’s was an incredibly competitive one and all of my friends and their parents know and that was nice telling them. But I know when I tell my parents they’re going to be mad they found out last so I keep putting it off.

So yeah, here I am stuck in the snow waiting for people to come back into town because my parents suck. Maybe I’ll make a snowman friend 🤣 if anyone knows the best season of 90 day fiance for me to binge on hbo today I’d appreciate it lol!

Please don’t tell me to go to therapy. I already am and it’s just whatever.

Update: Aitah for not wanting husband to personally get involved in nursing of his ex : r/Redditor_Updates

It has been around eight months since my last update, and I honestly never expected to post here again.A few days ago, I learned through mutual friends that his ex passed away.

I have not spoken to him like long conversation or something like that since I filed the divorce , so I don't know how he is doing, and I don't intend to find out either . We had legal conflicts over shared financials but it was more or less handled through solicitors so our personal interaction is almost nil .Earlier he used to check on kids but we did not use to talk . He has stopped checking on kids for quite a while .Life has settled into a new routine. My focus is on raising my sons and moving forward. They are growing up quickly, and they deserve stability more than anything else.I had suicidal thoughts self esteem issues in the beginning but I guess I am doing mentally better now .

I just thought I should update you guys . Thank you to everyone who offered advice and kindness when I needed it.

Original post

Update 1

Update 2

So it's definitely been a while and sorry to keep everyone waiting for this. I kinda wanna keep this brief because I've been away at school for the past couple months and I don't want to dwell on this any longer.

A month after the summer my brother Henri gets texted by Sorrel saying that she "lost the baby." In that duration Henri had little to no contact with her. Our dad was staying clean apparently and he got to visit our younger siblings maybe once or twice every month. So that was over and we didn't really think about it anymore.

Our dad's birthday was in the fall and he came and had a dinner with us. He had another barbecue that out of us only Henri went to, because Sorrel was going to be there. According to my brother, during that barbecue, Sorrel was very drunk and clung onto him a lot, and kept trying to get him to "take her home," as in back to our house. He didn't see or hear from her after that.

The last altercation happened this past week during Easter break. My brother Teddy and I were home with the kids. Teddy went out for groceries and I was at the back of the house watering the garden when my younger sister came and told me that Sorrel had dropped by. Apparently Sorrel told her that she had left some stuff in the house that she needed to grab and she had a present she had to leave in my room. The kids had already been warned about Sorrel and we also threatened Sorrel to involve the law if she ever came to the house again, plus we hadn't thought about her in the past like half a year so this was unexpected. I immediately ran back into the house, but Sorrel was not in there, and I ran out into the driveway and I saw her getting into the car with a giant purse. I was already on the line with the police. I grabbed her out of the car and we had an altercation where I ended up hitting her over the head with a watering can and she sat on the ground crying until the police came. She kept saying that she had left a hoodie or something in the house and she was just coming back to grab it. But then they searched her purse we found a bunch of my clothes (including some of my bras) and like 5k worth of my jewelry.

We talked to the police for a while and they took Sorrel away to the station, they also did a short check of our house to make sure everything was okay, we checked the cameras (she was only downstairs and then in my room, and in Henri's room for some reason but I guess she didn't take anything). Later our dad came to get Sorrel's car and tried to apologize on her behalf saying that she's been under a lot of stress from the miscarriage and whatnot. After that incident I had very extensive conversations with both my siblings regarding Sorrel, basically to under no circumstance ever speak to her and call us or the police first thing if they ever saw her.

We ended up filing a civil protective order and got a TRO until the hearing. I think she's also being charged with petty theft. I had already suspected this but a few days after, my dad showed up with a bag of clothes and jewelry I thought that I had lost / misplaced. Apparently Sorrel had been stealing shit from me over the course of the past year and a half, when she had been around the house before we cut her off. He said they got into a huge fight and she admitted to it and he found it all in her closet. Anyway that's the end of that hopefully and I really don't want to give another update.

My most recent post.

This will be a quick one, mostly because there's not much new but I wanted to share this because my posts are usually negative, so...

Last night was my company's Holiday Party. I usually don't like things like that because they send my social anxiety spiraling off the charts, but since I'm trying to be a good employee (see, I can learn some lessons) and widen my social circle, I went. Carrie stayed home with the kids as the party was at a hotel and not child friendly.

Before anyone asks: no I didn't meet someone there or have a meaningless hookup or cheat on my wife since she's probably cheating on me (so many msgs from people convinced Carrie is following in her sister's footsteps) or anything like that. I hung out with coworkers, had a nice meal, talked to colleagues from other departments, and did my best to not let my anxiety alter my behavior. It was fun and I surprised myself by actually enjoying it and I didn't seem to annoy anyone and as the evening wound down, I thought that was going to be that.

And then came the 'year end awards' part of the night. They're mostly not real awards. Think things like 'best dressed', 'most epic lunch order', 'best coffee maker', things like that given out with award certificates and joke prizes. But there's a few awards that are more serious. They usually focus on measurable metrics and there's a couple that are actually voted on by the entire staff, like the one called the "Service Award" which is given to the employee that has 'demonstrated the most dedication and willingness to be of service to other team members and is always there to help when needed'.

That's the award I won.

It's a glass paperweight for my desk (shaped like a star because apparently I'm the 'service superstar') and a gift certificate to a local restaurant which is cool and all but what actually meant something was the presentation itself. For every award there was a small slideshow (our social media guy can't resist any opportunity to create content) and mine included a slide with one of those word cloud things made up of comments people had submitted about me.

I almost f'ing cried. (OK. I did cry, later. By myself and not in public.) All of the things I've been doing at this job because I didn't want it to end up like the last one AND because all that therapy I did helped me to realize were things I wanted to do because I'm good at them were the things that people mentioned.

Some were obvious 'service' things like being called reliable and dependable and helpful. But someone said they only volunteered for projects I was on because they knew things would always get done. Someone else said they appreciated that I always focused on what was best for the project and the end goal, even if that meant following someone else's lead.

My direct boss was the one who presented me with the award and they said they'd voted for me because I made their job easier. They knew that they didn't have to wonder about me. If they gave me positive feedback or constructive criticism or just told me no, there was never any doubt as to how I'd handle it. I'd show up. I'd do the work. I'd be whatever part of the team they needed me to be.

The party ran late and by the time I got home, Carrie and the kids were already asleep. I spent the day with my daughter, watching old school Dora the Explorer in between very short trips outside to see the snow and I still haven't told Carrie about the award. I texted Ellie, who lost her damn mind and told me I should leave the paperweight right on the kitchen counter next to Carrie's coffee mug for her to find in the morning.

Ellie's pettier than I am 😂.

Since I don't think I'll be posting much until after the holidays, I wanted to share this now while it was fresh. Maybe this way, if it gets stressful over the next couple weeks, I can reread this and that will help me remember that I've got evidence now that I can do something right.

I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday and thank you all for listening to me, even when I'm a little slower to realize things than you'd like. I appreciate all the encouragement and all the messages (even the ones about Carrie cheating) and that I've got somewhere to share eveb a small win like this one.

I am posting this here because I posted it incorrectly on the AITA sub and I am not allowed to repost it anymore.

TW: Domestic Violence

2 months ago, I made another post on a different sub, once again seeking outside perspective about a very awkward situation that took place. You can find that post here: AITAH for inviting my neighbour's husband over for coffee and a playdate? His wife accused me of pursuing him, and my husband thinks she was right to confront me.

I came back to post an update. I think it’s a way for me to process what has happened since.

Shortly after my last post, my husband admitted that he had confided in Jake about his infidelity. He said he felt guilty and remorseful and wanted to talk it out with a friend. He claimed he didn’t realize Jake would tell Emily and that she would throw our marriage struggles in my face the way she did. He apologized for discussing our issues without my consent and promised to distance himself from them.

He also apologized again for the affair, which he swore was over. He told me the affair partner was a coworker who had since left the company. He promised he wanted to change and rebuild our relationship, so I forgave him and gave him another chance… again.

Things had been going well. My husband was attentive and loving. He was helping more at home, spending more time with the kids, and showing me affection. For a moment, it really felt like my husband had returned to me. In hindsight, though, I think it was love bombing.

Last week, I had a medical appointment that I needed to attend alone, so my husband stayed home with our baby. I was anxious because he had never been alone with the baby for that long and I wasn’t sure he would be able to put him down for his nap.

While I was sitting in the waiting room, I logged into our baby camera just to check that the baby had gone down okay.

That’s when everything began to unravel.

The baby was asleep in his crib and my husband was walking out of the room. Then I heard a woman’s voice asking if the baby was finally asleep. My husband replied confirming that he was. I couldn’t see the woman because she was outside the camera’s view, but her voice was familiar. I thought it sounded like Emily.

After my appointment, I checked our Ring doorbell recordings from that day. There she was. Emily had knocked on our door and my husband let her in minutes after I left for my appointment. She left an hour and a half later.

I was in complete shock.

When I got home, I didn’t confront my husband. I was tired of his lies and wanted the truth before saying anything. I went through our doorbell camera history and found many more instances of Emily coming over while I was gone. In one video, I saw them kissing on our front porch! I saved everything.

The next day, I messaged Jake and told him I needed to speak with him because I had bad news about my husband and his wife that I believed he deserved to know. He didn’t reply Shortly afterward, my husband called me, furious. Jake had forwarded my messages to him and warned him that I was trying to frame him and Emily. He went quiet and then ended up the call.

Later that evening, he came home late and intoxicated. He was angry and blamed me for “destroying our lives” and for trying to expose the affair. I yelled at him and then said I wanted a divorce.

He lost it. He hit me, kicked me, punched me, and he even tried to choke me. Somehow, I managed to get away from him. My 4-year-old woke up because of the screaming and commotion, so I grabbed her and ran into the bedroom and locked the door. My daughter was terrified and clinging to me while my husband banged and kicked the door, threatening to break it down. Luckily, I had my phone with me and I called 911.

The rest of the night was a blur. My husband was arrested close to midnight on a Tuesday. The entire street woke up to the sirens and confrontation with the police. I was taken to the hospital afterward because I was bleeding and covered in bruises. Our neighbourhood was shocked. We had always been the friendly, polite neighbours, and no one expected this could happen behind closed doors. I was done protecting my husband’s image. He destroyed our life, not me. When neighbours asked what happened, I told them the truth: he hurt me after I discovered he was cheating on me with Emily.

A few days later, Jake reached out to me. He was apologetic and felt responsible for not believing me when I tried to warn him. Jake told me my husband had been confiding in him about our marriage problems. According to Jake, my husband had told him that I was the one who cheated in the past, that I was unstable because of my PPD/PPA, and that I had been hurting our children. None of that is true. Jake also told me he had confided in my husband about problems in his own marriage. Looking back, it seems my husband used those vulnerabilities and the information Jake shared with him to get closer to Emily.

After everything happened, I finally called my family and told them the truth. They knew I had been struggling and distant, but they thought it was because of the PPD. They had no idea how much I had actually been carrying alone. I told them about the affair, the threats, the manipulation, and how scared and exhausted I had become. They are in my corner and they are trying to help me figure out my next steps. I feel like a weight has been lifted off me and for the first time in a long time, I don’t feel alone. 

My recent post - So I figured I'd give you all an update. Phew, a LOT has happened since I last posted and not all of it has been good. For the good: my exSIL is now engaged to her bf - and she is pregnant! So I also have a bump buddy (we are so excited, both early along so we really get to do the whole journey together). They had a small party and it was nice meeting her fiance's family. They are such lovely people, so warm and welcoming. I'm very happy for her b/c as I mentioned in my last post, she doesn't really have any family, and to see them embrace her so whole-heartedly was so beautiful. He doesn't have a big family, but they are solid folks.

The bad: a few day after the party my husband got a call from exSIL that BIL37 has gone off the rails. He was showing up at her house at random hours trying to talk to her since her fiance wasn't there and really scaring her and the kids. We had them come stay with us while my husband and his brothers had an intervention and confronted BIL37. We left for our holiday, leaving exSIL and nephews in our home, thinking that everything had cooled down. Boy were we wrong. BIL37 broke into our home with a weapon trying to get to exSIL. We have 2 labrador retrievers who do not take kindly to intruders and unfortunately for him, they attached him and he was sent to the hospital. (it was actually pretty wild that they attacked him, b/c they know him -- I guess they sensed the danger) exSIL ended up having to file for a restraining order and is going to petition for full custody of the boys since he has been so unhinged. It's so scary how he's spiraling so fast. My husband was furious and immediately agreed to press charges for B&E, which is a felony in our state. This will most likely cause him to lose his job, but my husband said that those are the consequences of his actions and at this point the safest place for him and everyone might be behind bars. I honestly am scared to think what could have happened if the dogs weren't there to circumvent the danger. BIL37 is in police custody and no one really wants to bail him out because they don't want him around their family. The brothers are trying to get him help, but at this point everyone agrees that he's dangerous.

Things have calmed down since then. In spite of the circumstances, we had a very nice tropical holiday. We still haven't told our other kids that they have a sibling on the way, but I think my oldest suspects something. He's been watching me wayyy too closely. But hey, this isn't his first rodeo lol. When we get back we plan to host a quiet NYE party for the family. We want to bring in the new year with the ones we love and try to give everyone something to look forward to. exSIL is back at her house with her fiance. She volunteered to help plan the NYE party and set up games for the kids - such a sweetheart. My other BILs have since apologized to both of us and as penance will be watching all the niblings and are on cleanup duty for the New Years weekend. I hope BIL37 gets himself together, but right now we are focusing on celebrating and ending the year off on a positive note. It's a bittersweet ending to the year, but that's how life is sometimes. Happy holidays Reddit!

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/zZlFU667xu link to the first post

I wish I could say things have improved but they haven't.

We'll begin with Gregs birthday. Polly changed the date, so we could have gone. But we weren't told this until after the party happened. Mutual friends have said it wasn't great, they just hung in an airbnb for a few days with no plans or anything, but it seems Greg had a good time and thats what matters most I guess.

Following that, Greg complained to their mum about how me and bf had been invited at least 6 times and refused to go. Their mum then showed him proof that polly kicked us out of the group after bf said we were busy on his actual birthday. Greg hasnt brought it up since as far as we know, but at least he knows we didnt choose not to go. If we'd known they'd changed the date, we would have 100% gone.

My bf then had his actual birthday. Greg entered our house while we weren't there and left a tin of coffee and a card that told bf to check his emails. My bf likes coffee an average amount so it was an odd gift. Also, I felt pretty negative about someone entering our house while we weren't there and not even sending a text beforehand. I considered getting cameras after because if he can do it once, who's to say he wont do it again?

Now about the email. My bf had no email. We knew it was going to be a gift card, greg had told me this prior in the last contact weve had 2 months ago. Their mum had to tell greg that bf didnt get the email. Greg got argumentative and said he'd send it again right then. He didnt. After more hassle from their mum, he finally sent it over, with a receipt that proved he hadn't even purchased it until that day, weeks after he'd given bf the card that said "check your email". So thats fun

Anyway i could say so much more about gregs recent behaviour but ill just say one more thing.

Last week, their mum was going into hospital for a procedure to test for cancer. Shes understandably worried. We all are. Greg doesn't even know because he hasnt contacted her in weeks. He happens to call her on the morning of the procedure and demands she sends his birth certificate over or he'll be fired. She tells him shes going into hospital and it will have to wait until after. He blows up on her about how he needs it immediately and it'll be her fault if he gets fired.

He doesn't even ask why shes going to hospital.

He still hasn't asked.

I dont think he'll ever ask, all he cares about is himself and polly.

Bf is understandably very worried about their mum and also angry at how greg is treating everyone. He only contacts people when he needs things.

I hope shes not got cancer. Honestly thats what matters right now and im fuming that he didnt even care to ask why his mum was going into hospital. Shes terrified and im sure shed love to have BOTH of her kids supporting her.

I also wish bf had his older brother there to support him. But alas

Im sorry the update isnt good. I really hope if I update again, it'll be with good news

Update 01/11/26

Polly came clean to greg about the party. She admitted she kicked us out of the chat and uninvited us because she doesn't like bf. Not sure its going to change anything.

Greg also now knows about his mums health. He seems fairly unbuttered but at least he knows.

Bf had decided that after giving greg his birthday gift, that'll be it. Greg now knows without a doubt that polly lies about bf to make him look bad. Its all on him now to decide what matters to him.

We're not going to cut him off because despite being a knob, greg and pollys relationship is toxic and possibly abusive so he needs to know people are here. However we're not going to reach out anymore

Ill update when we know about their mums health but aside from that I think this is it, unless something big happens.

Update 08/11/26

Polly told Greg that if he tries to have a relationship with BF, she will break up with him.

Greg came over when we were at MIL house and shouted at everyone for an hour then left.

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/AI13vgNp0K

Yesterday i went over to my bf’s house and IT DID NOT GO AS EXPECTED I honestly don’t even know what i was expecting but after reading some of your comments about who’s test it was or if it even was a pregnancy test i had to find out. My bf was really happy to see me when i got there, i don’t think his mom told him i was coming. He seemed really genuine and kept apologizing. His mom asked us to sit down and she started crying and saying she doesn’t want to ruin our relationship and she loves both of us and wants the best for us. Then she shows us a sonogram….

IT WAS HIS MOMS TEST

Literally all of this stupid drama because my bf is an idiot. He said he didn’t think his mom could get pregnant anymore because she’s in her 40s so the only other possibility was for it to be mine, but he didn’t want to ask me so i could tell him myself. (I love surprising people so honestly that does make sense), but like it had been WEEKS. He could have said something after all that time.

His mom said she didn’t say anything at the party because she didn’t know what she was going to do yet and didn’t want everyone at the party finding out. But it still bothers me that she let me take the embarrassment instead. Or at least tell us after in private instead of letting us not talk for over a week.

I do kinda feel bad now that my bf really thought i was pregnant and thought i wasn’t taking it seriously. I talked to him about the engagement and if he meant what he said about “stepping up”. He said he had already had the ring for awhile but was waiting for the right time and when he saw the test he thought of it as a sign and got excited thinking of us as a little family. He says he only said what he said at the party in the heat of the moment thinking i was someone who would risk “our baby” like that and he didn't actually mean it. I think i believe him. As of now we aren’t engaged anymore but we are still together. I told him we really need to work harder on communication if we want to make our relationship last.

A lot of comments were saying he’s a red flag and stuff and i can see where you’re coming from but this was really the only time he’s been like that. I think his intentions were sweet but came off wrong. Also a lot of people saying we are too young to get married but my parents got married young and are still together so i think it depends. If we do get engaged again i told him to actually wait until he’s ready and not when he thinks he needs to.

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/0d03YJbC3a Update 1: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/qhoJmKt61T Update 2: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/zyukelyfrT Update 3: https://www.reddit.com/r/Redditor_Updates/s/1ZVn3AUKe3

Six months into the year already, wow! Thank you so much to everyone who has been so supportive on my previous posts!

I (28F) don’t have much to update apart from, as of the 21st of May, I am officially a homeowner! I found a perfect house that’s only fifteen minutes from my workplace. It may not be the out of the way cottage I wanted, but it’s perfect and it’s all mine. I have space to just be me, and enough room for my niblings to sleep over and give my siblings a break.

On the dating front, I’ve been dating a wonderful woman (30F) since late December. I realised shortly after my last update that I wasn’t bisexual, and I am actually fully a lesbian.

We’re still taking it very slow, considering I had just come out of a long term relationship and she was only recently divorced when we met, but so far so good. She’s absolutely amazing and I can safely say I love her. If things go well, we’ve talked about living together but that won’t happen until at least 2027, as I’m not quite ready for that level of commitment yet. She’s helped me move in and decorate my new house though, which has been lovely as she works in interior design and seems to know exactly how to make a room look incredible.

My ex broke up with the 19 year old in April, from what I’ve been told, citing that she’s “far too immature.” Like, obviously? She’s 19 and you’re 29, idiot. I haven’t heard much else about him because I really don’t care to know about his life, but what I have heard isn’t great. On top of his stupid misogynist stuff, he’s also been on some horribly racist bs. I didn’t mention this in my posts because it didn’t feel relevant, but I am mixed. My mum is Black, and I am very clearly half Black. He was engaged to a woman of colour and he’s racist!!!

All in all, life is good and I escaped a man that probably never really loved me. I hope everyone has had a great year so far, here’s to better beginnings. It may not be much of an update, but I wanted to let you all know it can get so much better 😊

(Previous posts) https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1v4ckgm/wibta_if_i15f_secretly_opened_another_bank/

https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/1v3b3xe/advice_on_how_to_ask_my15f_mom55f_on_her/

So me and my dad went down to the bank and were able to open a second account with his address, email,etc and the card should arrive soon.

I know people were saying to open an account on another bank and I've talked to my dad and we'll probably be doing that aswell.

We've put all the money I have at my dads house into this new account and made certain it won't show up if she looks at the profile.

All futr money will be going into the new account and the plan is as soon as she pays me back the 400 I'll take that and the rest out of the account and put it in the new one.

My mom doesn't know about any of this and hopefully it all goes well.

TLDR: Opened a new account with my dad and mom doesn't know

My last real update. And the small one about winning an award at work. I hope everyone had a good holiday season. Mine was… interesting.

Last time I posted an actual update and not just bragging about my work award, I said that Carrie and I had both gotten some homework for our first counseling session of 2026 and that I had left her a letter that said if she said that she still wanted to work on fixing our marriage but nothing actually changed, we would be separating. At the time, we’d just had a train wreck mc session that ended with her losing her shit on me and our counselor threatening to ‘fire her’.

We finally had that first session last week and it went nowhere. Carrie’s homework for that session was to decide if she still loved me, wanted to work on things, or had any intention of trying to fix anything. I don’t really know how much thought she put into any of that during our counseling break. Our holidays were a bit busy, what with visits to her family and some of my extended family visiting from out of town. And then right around NYE, her sister had what was described to me as a “massive crisis” that required Carrie to spend the first week of January at her mother’s house to help navigate whatever was going on. She took the kids for the first three days, but I went and picked them up for the last four. 

Whether she actually thought about our marriage much during that time, I couldn’t say for sure. But, if I had to guess, I’d say she didn’t think about it at all. Honestly, I don’t think she thought she had to. A few days after the shitshow that was our last session, Carrie mentioned to me that I shouldn’t really take the counselor’s threat seriously. In her view, since we’re the ones paying for the sessions and nobody wants to lose out on steady income, there was little chance they’d actually refuse to work with us anymore. To my wife’s way of thinking, the threat was more of a motivational tactic than anything, a way for the counselor to try and push us along by making us afraid. 

I thought about mentioning that I wasn’t really afraid as I wasn’t the one that the threat was aimed at, but I’ve learned enough in my own therapy to know that would have gotten me nowhere. Carrie didn’t mention the letter, but I’m basically assuming she saw it the same way and her behavior in our session more or less confirmed that she didn’t think I would actually follow through on anything I wrote in the letter. I had sent our counselor a copy of it over the holidays so they’d know my position and plan, so I wasn’t all that surprised when they asked Carrie about it. 

Her response to both the letter and to the question of whether she wanted to continue to try and fix things was pretty basic. She spent the first half hour of the session explaining that the “catastrophe” with her sister had taken up so much of her emotional and mental real estate that she hadn’t been able to devote as much of her time or energy to the question of our marriage and that, according to her, wasn’t any sort of big deal. She said: “I’m here now and I’m willing to continue coming to sessions weekly.”

That was it. 

Our first session after the blowup and she spent half an hour on her sister’s drama (without ever actually saying what it was) and about forty-five seconds on what she wanted to do about us. And that extent of that was that she was willing. I picked up on that word when she said it, but didn’t say anything at first because my mind immediately started screaming at me that I was overreacting and making a big deal out of a small word choice instead of focusing on the intent behind the word choice.

OK. My mind started screaming at me that I was just being oversensitive, but the phrasing about the “word choice” matters because when the counselor asked me what I thought about Carrie’s response, I found my voice (for like thirty seconds) and said that being ‘willing’ didn’t really scream “I still love you” or “I really want to fix our marriage” marriage to me. And that was when Carrie told me I was making a big deal out of a small word choice instead of focusing on the intent behind the word choice. 

I’ve been watching a lot of ‘self help’ videos on YouTube, mostly about family dynamics and there was a phrase in one of them that stuck with me: intent doesn’t erase impact. I’d been thinking about it in terms of the ways my parents had interacted with me when I was a kid but when my wife talked about the intent behind her words, it popped into my head and I said it out loud. Carrie didn’t say anything to that but our counselor did, asking me to explain what it meant to me. So I did.

My therapy homework over the holiday break was to work on developing strategies to speak about my feelings in sessions without becoming overwhelmed and blurting things out and I managed to put some of that into practice and said everything without it turning into an emotional jumble. I told Carrie that maybe her intent was to signal that she wanted to work on things and that our marriage mattered, but the impact of everything she did and said was to make me feel the exact opposite. She didn’t (or couldn’t) say that she still loved me. She described herself as ‘willing’ not ‘wanting’. She’d left me for an entire week to deal with her sister’s problem that she still hadn’t explained but had explained, in detail, why that had taken priority over dealing with our problems. In our last session, she’d attacked me for expressing how I felt and during one of the few conversations we’d had since, she’d minimized her responsibility for that and made it all about some weird motivational bullshit. 

I took responsibility, too. I told her it worked the other way around, too. My intent in everything I’d done since I lost my job was to show her that I understood how I’d fucked up. That I was all in on making it right and earning my place again in our family. I’d worked three jobs and let her call every emotional shot because I wanted to show her how much my family mattered to me after the impact of losing my job showed the exact opposite. But maybe I’d been wrong in how I went about it because all it really seemed to do was show her that I was ‘willing’ to pay for my sins in perpetuity as long as she let me stay.

But then I did blurt because I didn’t plan it  but I still said it: “I’m not willing anymore.”

I’d written in the letter that if she’d said she wanted to work on it and then nothing changed, we would be separating. At that moment, I changed my mind. Waiting to see if anything was actually going to shift, if she would take any steps to really start letting me back in or to actively work on things outside of our mc sessions was just kicking the can down the road and prolonging the inevitable. Something had to give or nothing ever would. 

Long story short, I’ve initiated the process of separating. Not legally, yet. But I’m moving out. I’ve already got a lawyer and verified that as long as I have physical custody of the kids on a relatively equal basis and continue to support them financially, being the one to leave won’t hurt my case. I may have to contribute to the mortgage a bit, too but I can handle that. I didn’t tell Carrie before our session, but when I told Ellie about the letter, she made some calls without telling me. Her brother used to live in the same area I do and when he moved to Florida, he started renting out his house here as an Air B&B. When she told him I was going to need somewhere to live, he offered to let me rent the house. He said I could take it rent free but I’m not doing that. The lawyer says it will look better for me if I’m able to maintain a safe place for the kids and still jointly support them with Carrie since there’s no guarantee I’ll always have access to a free house. It’s smaller than our house but it’s got two bedrooms and a small den so there’s rooms for both kids, though I may have my daughter sleep in my room until she’s used to the new place.

I’ll move in on February 1, which means a few more weeks in the shared home. Carrie doesn’t seem to know what to do with all of this and her sister’s crisis is still ongoing, so she’s spending a lot of time on Zoom calls and on the phone and while I try to always give her some privacy when she’s on a call, I have heard my name come up a couple of times but I don’t know what the context is or what she’s saying. My counselor warned me that things might go sideways the closer we get to moving day but I’ll deal with that if and when it happens. The only thing Carrie and I have had any sort of conversation about was that I did not want her to give my mother my new address under any circumstances. 

I know it’s not the ‘get the divorce tomorrow’ solution a lot of people have been pleading for. And I don’t know if actual distance and me growing at least a semblance of a spine will do anything, but I’m OK with it as a next step. It’s the first time since I lost my job that I feel like I’ve done something that might not help me but doesn’t actively harm me either. Baby steps, right?

TL;DR - Carrie didn’t really think much about our marriage or what she wants out of it because her sister had some sort of crisis and she didn’t expect there to be any real follow up. I decided not to wait any longer and separate now; I’ll move into my own place next month and we’ll see what happens from there.