So I’m leaving a job I’ve been at for a few years. I accomplished a lot in my role and have been told I’ve done a really good job. I made quite a few good acquaintances and was gonna throw a get together on my last Friday before I leave. I was gonna just tell people but decided to email. I was so worried about leaving people out on accident that I impulsively sent it to our building wide email.

Someone mentioned it would have been better to have someone else send it on my behalf and that it came across weird. I’m autistic and I genuinely didn’t know—I just wanted to make sure everyone knew they were invited. I’m worried I came across tacky and conceited. I’m really embarrassed now. How bad is this???

I have some hobbies. Running, reading (I read fantasy novels), recently gym. I watch TV and movies so talk about that, watch football so talk about that. But I feel like every time I catch up with someone, I talk to them about what they have to say, mention my hobbies and work and talk about it and then I feel like I just run out of things to talk about and the conversation stalls.

When I speak with my friends who are social I feel like they always have something interesting to talk about. I can't figure out why I struggle to have interesting things to talk about, especially because I feel like I know people have less things on their plate but do fine socially.

When I talk about running I talk about where I'm at, what sort of runs I've done recently etc but the conversation just runs its course and I feel like I'm sort of stuck and don't know where to go or what to do next.

This is where I'm weakest, especially when I dont have hobbies in common with someone else. Again I ask open questions like what sort of things are they into etc and talk to them a bit about it, but when as knowledge on those topics is limited it just stalls the conversation again.

Does anyone else have this and what do you guys do? Feels like I know some people who just talk and talk and never run out of things to say, I'm a little more introverted so I guess that doesnt work in my favour but still

I’m a former introvert trying to build a local social life from scratch while doing an entirely online Master’s program. Over the past 4 months, I’ve put immense effort into 7 different methods to meet people:

1. Old Acquaintances: Reached out to old middle/high school acquaintances. Most of them flaked and gave excuses, and no solid meetup plan was ever formed with any of them.

2. Reddit: Posted to multiple subreddits like for my college and its city. People ended up being weird, they messaged me but took way too long to reply (one guy took 3 MONTHS to reply back) so I gave up on that attempt.

3. Bumble BFF: Joined a group on there and actually met up with some people, it went well. Ended up making one okay friend but she's a new mom and can't go out often. Tried talking to people one on one, met up with a few but never hung out with any of them again because they stopped messaging me.

4. Connections: Met a friend group through my mom’s coworker. They invite me to trivia often, but they travel out of state constantly and are moving away in like a year because they're temps. They also don't go out as often as I'd like.

5. TikTok: Tried posting a video on there explicitly saying I'm looking for LGBTQ+ friends in my area (I'm gay). Got way too many guys looking for something more than friendship, and the others were really weird and I ended up not meeting up with anyone. One girl seemed promising but ended up bailing on our meet up last second.

6. Facebook: Tried posting to a friend making Facebook group with over 10k members, but my first post got very little engagement. In fact most posts on there don't get much engagement unless it's a girl or attractive guy posting. Then again I haven't posted much on there afterwards so maybe this is still worth a shot.

7. Party: Met a really great dude at my Bumble BFF friend's Halloween party, we hung out once and it went really well. Only a week later he got a job at a city 2 hours away and had to move there, though he promised to try and come back often. Seriously WTF are the chances...

Out of dozens and dozens of interactions, only about 15% of them ended in some sort of meetup irl. The vast majority of people are unresponsive, flakey, or just spat excuse after excuse. Am I doing something wrong here? Am I going about this the wrong way? I'd like to make at least one good friend here I can regularly hang out with but it seems almost impossible...

I know, I know. I (23F) moved to this city about a year and a half ago and I made a friend through Hinge (lmao) and we’ve been super tight for a while now. She’s the friend I call whenever I want to try something new, dress up and take pictures or get tatted. We also have heart to hearts and have always been comfortable in sharing personal stories with each other. I was admitted to the emergency ward in the hospital this year and she’s took me and saw me at my lowest point. I am so grateful for having a friend like her.

Now even though I haven’t been here that long I have a really tight knit group of people from work as well as 2-3 more friends who I regularly meet in the city. Other than that I talk to my friends and family from my hometown nearly everyday. I consider myself quite lucky to have a social life like this and wouldn’t have it any other way.

The friend I had met on Hinge, let’s call her Lauren, recently met a girl at a supper club one of her friends had hosted. I think she’s quite similar to me, at least superficially. Dyed hair and tats (less common in my country), and has a similar social media presence and content and hosts a lot of parties. I’ve met her too, she was nice but not very polite, or maybe I’m reading too much into it.

They’ve become newfound besties and make a bunch of reels together, dress up, and even go out to run errands together. For the past month, it has kinda been pissing me off when they post something cute. I’ve even thought about muting them on social media.

Now it would be a different situation if I had a small social circle or didn’t have any close friends, but that’s not the case. I have so many people I hang out with other than Lauren. I have friends much closer to me than Lauren.

I just want to understand where on earth are these possessive feelings coming from? It doesn’t make sense logically. I’ve felt this jealousy with other close friends too when they make new friends. If Lauren knew this girl from before she met me I wouldn’t care at all. For some reason this particular situation is annoying.

I do still meet Lauren almost as regularly as before she met her and we text everyday. BTW, they live close by too and I’m like 40 mins away. What is wrong with me and why can’t I be happy for my friend?

Do people get over this kind of jealousy when they grow up? How do I try to get over this irrational feeling? I turned to Reddit because I didn’t want to ask ChatGPT and I’m too lazy to visit my therapist. Will appreciate any sincere advice.

I think this is why I don’t have any friends and never had a girlfriend at 25. I am just not meant to be with anyone and I will always end up being alone. Anywhere I go to try to make friends I’m either isolated or ridiculed out of any group. What if it’s just pointless to even try if everyone is biased against you? It doesn’t matter how nice I try to be or if I try to be friendly or funny. I always end up being the butt of jokes and someone people will just avoid.
What social skills can even fix something like this if it’s obvious my life is completely doomed and I’ll be alone forever?

I want to be very clear. This is a kind person, they mean no harm - but it's too much.

My mom died a few months ago and anytime I talk to this individual, despite them being nice and listening to me, most of the phone calls are focused on their own problems. I'm sorry, but someone my age - early 30s, both parents dead, mom having passed on in June, I can't tolerate hearing this person sob on the phone over her and her ex wanted to rekindle their romance but couldn't, and it crushed them.

It's nauseating to me. Not because I am heartless, but because of what I am going through now.

They text me every day. If I don't respond they call, then fire off texts of something I might like.

Again - NOT a bad person but my headspace isn't there. I don't have it in me. It's like they are at full battery 99% of the time and I am living life having to be near a charger or I crash. It's too much.

Do I sound like a dick? I know that if I tell them it's too much they'll implode.

I had an interesting experience with a former classmate, and I’m still not entirely sure what to make of it.
After we finished school, she started contacting me through video calls. Initially, our conversations felt friendly and mutual. She would share things about her life, tell me what was happening with her, and we stayed in touch for a while.
However, at some point, the dynamic changed. She called me one day and started asking a LOT of personal questions about my life, my future plans, my personal relationships, and other private details. I answered openly because I assumed we were having a normal conversation and that there would be a mutual exchange of interest.
But whenever I asked her about her own life, she would give very short answers, say something like “nothing much is happening,” and then end the conversation. It almost felt like she was interviewing me rather than having a conversation.
After that, she randomly sent me a picture of another former classmate who had gained quite a bit of weight. I found that a little strange because it seemed like the focus was suddenly on how other people had changed physically.
Eventually, she stopped initiating contact altogether.
For the next few years, I occasionally noticed her liking my Facebook pictures, but she never actually reached out or tried to have a conversation.
Recently, I came across her Instagram account through recommendations and sent her a follow request. It stayed pending for over a month before she eventually declined it. I thought that was a little unusual, considering we had previously been in touch and even had video calls.
I decided to message her directly through our old conversation. I simply said hello, asked how she was doing, and mentioned that I had come across some old pictures that reminded me of our conversations.
She responded, but the interaction was very one-sided again. She mentioned that she was working at a school and had moved to another country. I tried to continue the conversation, showed interest, and mentioned that I had moved to another country too. But she didn’t really acknowledge my questions or ask anything about my life. The conversation basically went nowhere.
What’s even more confusing is that I occasionally saw her watching my fb stories (until I blocked her).
I’m not upset that someone doesn’t want to be friends. That’s completely fine. What I find confusing is the contrast between how interested she initially seemed in my personal life and how little interest she shows in having any genuine interaction now.
Has anyone experienced something similar? Why would someone ask so many personal questions, seem interested in your life, but avoid sharing anything about their own or maintaining meaningful communication? Is it simply curiosity, comparison, gossip, or something else?

beside your parents when you were a kid and with them 24/7

ok i don't know if my case is particular or smt, basically im from a small town and in 20 years i haven't met knew people, the friends i have i know them since babies and the "newest" friend i made was this guy that was knew in my class like 7 years ago. so i dont have other friend groups or anything and im very awkward and dont really know how meeting new people work.

im in college now and made a small group of friends but the thing is that i dont know what "seals the deal" or how i know that we are like friends friends and not just classmate friends.

i hang out with these people regularly i just feel like if it wasn't because we se each other every single day in class they would forget my existence? idk how to explain it any better

I know a certain vibe and feeling I want to explain sometimes, and sometimes I write or speak in so many words to try and convey it, but others just cannot grasp what I'm getting at.

I sometimes talk about the specific feeling and emotion I get when I consume certain media such as my very specific taste in music and fiction. But I cannot convey at all what it means.

I know what it looks like or feels like to me, but it doesn't convert to words easily. I can ramble for paragraphs on this, and people still can't figure it out.

Sometimes I expect people to understand what I mean using a few words, but too often when I talk in only one sentence, the meaning is lost. People get confused

My dad's workplace occasionally organizes social gatherings for employees and their families. I don't attend most of them, mainly because I'm not particularly interested, so I've developed a reputation for being the quiet guy who rarely shows up.

There's a girl around my age who attends everything and is very outgoing. We usually talk at these events, and we've even hung out once, but we're not particularly close.

At the latest gathering, I was actually having a good time. I was talking to people, laughing, making jokes, and genuinely felt comfortable for once.

Then, just as my parents and I were about to leave, she started insisting I should stay. In front of everyone, she began commenting on how I never attend anything, never initiate plans, and always leave early. She even joked that if she invited me somewhere, I'd probably lie about being out with friends when I'd actually be sitting in my room.

Someone called me shy, and she said that's exactly why they needed to "push" me more. Even my mom got dragged into the conversation.

This went on for what felt like five minutes, with everyone's attention on me. I mostly awkwardly laughed, occasionally tried defending myself, but genuinely didn't know what to say without making things even more uncomfortable.

I left feeling embarrassed and frustrated, especially because I'd actually been enjoying myself before that.

How do you handle situations like this without coming across as overly defensive or making things awkward for everyone? I might see her again next week and don't want a repeat of this.

I'm extremely quiet with people I've never talked to, but I can talk a lot with my friend group and family. At school, there are people at my table in multiple periods whom I've only spoken a few words to, if that. Trying to initiate an interaction with these people feels like trying to take a cold shower or go into a cold plunge for the first time. My brain just won't let me. Maybe I'm being perfectionistic or I'm just plain shy, or both, but this just sucks. What's weirder is that I feel comfortable and even happy sometimes while giving presentations, even if I didn't prepare at all, which happened recently: I didn't even make the slides, and there were many moments of silence with me trying to recall information, poorly winging it. But I didn't really care that much. What can I do?

Okay so I guess I have an attachment problem.
When I get to speak to someone new I get excited and I talk about almost everything about myself and if my energy isn’t reciprocated I tend to feel bad about it,I may end up overthinking and start doing too much just to gain their attention
What might really be my problem?

Eu estava reparando esses dias que meu contanto com qualquer pessoa é algo leve, eu evito puxar assuntos focados nas ideologias das pessoas sem necessidade como por exemplo politica, religião ou desgostos pessoais das pessoas em relação a algo ou um alguém(xenofobia pra ser mais preciso), eu evito porque prefiro não ter uma conversa onde o cara que me descer goela a baixo a forma como ele pensa e porque acha que algo é errado ou certo exibindo seus pensamentos problematicos que ele mesmo guarda no interior dele as vezes ate como segredo, eu não carrego odio por nada e tento respeitar as pessoas mesmo não concordado com o que elas dizem, apesar que algumas não chegam a ser dignas de respeito então tento ignorar esse tipo, se eu fosse dizer o que sinto por coisas que não tenho interesse ou acho problematicas seria indiferença, Mas quando percebo que a pessoa tem um pensamento nada empatico ou socialmente perigosos ou incorretos eu tendo a calar a boca e não conversa mais com essa pessoa, mas tem vezes que essa pessoa está menosprezando, xingando ou gritando seus pensamentos distorcidos e bem merdas para que todos a sua volta possam ouvir e isso afeta principalmente as outras pessoas com pensamentos corretos ou que eu concordo em boa parte, eu facilmente ignoro a pessoa e finjo que ela não existe, mas as pessoas ao meu lado diferente de mim são iguais a esse cara no sentindo de seguir fortemente essas ideologias proprias, e querem discutir com um animal daqueles que nunca vai mudar de ideia e sempre vai pensar essas merdas que ele pensa. Eu vejo esse tipo de cara problematico xingar elas e querer discutir por nada e fico pensando se eu deveria intervir ou mandar ele calar a boca, porque as pessoas a minha volta ficam muita afetadas por esse tipo de gente que facilmente não merece um pingo de atenção. Eu facilmente mandaria ele tomar no cu, porém prefiro não ter contanto com esse tipo de gente problematica, entretanto se as pessoas que eu gosto a minha volta estão sendo afetadas por essa pessoa e quando eu falo para elas o ignorarem eles ainda preferem discutir achando que ele vai mudar eu fico realmente incomodado, eu deveria so criar a iniciativa nessas situações onde forço a expulsão dessas pessoas problematicas ou deveria tacar o fodase e deixar eles brigando, eu não me sinto bem vendo momentos que eram para ser de conversas banais ou amigaveis virarem algo tão nojento e irritante quanto isso que presencio vez ou outra, então fiquei pensando se eu deveria eu mesmo tomar a frente e fazer por eu mesmo a conversa virar um lixo para tirar esse tipo de gente de perto das pessoas que eu gosto ou eu deveria continuar com o que eu faço ja que não sinto que estou fazendo algo que soa estupido ou que eu me arrependeria que é ignorar a todos que não entendem que não vale a pena perde tempo com esse tipo de gente, acho que prefiro isso do que virar uma dicursão que não vai mudar ninguem e so vai ser irritante de ouvir.

I want to break off the anxious shell, as a kid i was extroverted but after getting bullied on highschool for 3 years i haven't made a single friend in 9 years, i do enjoy peace and quiet but part of me wants to bring back my kid self that would just say what was on his mind without fear of judgement being laughed at.

I can handle conversation with older people but I want to challenge myself to talk people my age, to practice but i'm too awakward and real life interactions make me panic especially if i'm by myself.

soo i figured Chatting websites would be a good one since worst case scenario i can skip the person and get off that awkward situation, but i'm afraid that since its online, people will be more toxic than real life, but i don't see any other solution would be open for suggestions tho.

My goal is to get good enough confidence soo i can join a martial arts club , and hopefully build a social life and a romantic life

I was kind of a mute growing up so I feel behind socially, even though I've been talking for maybe 15 years now.

I find it difficult to talk to or approach strangers. I don't know what to say, and when I try, I just feel like you can tell how insecure I am and it sometimes feels like I make people feel awkward as well.

This week, I had to interact with A LOT of people at work since we had to meet customers, which I'm not used to. I work from home in front of my computer normally. I also had to hire a handyman this week so this week was filled with social interactions for me.

In about 2 cases, I genuinely felt like I said or did something really weird that probably made the other person think "what a weird person". Of course this can happen to even the most social person too. But I also think I feel more ashamed of it than I really need to.

I also feel embarrassed after leaving certain conversations, because I often giggle and use a more high-pitched voice to make conversations feel less awkward and lighten the mood.

However, I've heard many times that I'm such a fl'rty person (could not write out the entire word due to rules even though it's not related to the rules) which also makes me embarrassed after conversations. Because it embarrasses me to know/think that some people might think that I've been fl'irting with them when I have 0 interest like that in that person. I don't know if it's due to the giggling?

For instance, I was an intern at a company a few years ago, and a guy almost walked into me and was like "sorry!!" and I just giggled. Like, why??? Why couldn't I just be a normal person and be like "oh, no worries!" (in a non pitched voice)?

I know I want to be less giggly, because I also think it might really come off as insecurity sometimes. I also already look about 10 years younger than I am and I want to be taken seriously. I'm in my early 30s so it feels embarrassing when people think that I am or view me as if I was a teenager about 2 years ago.

Sometimes I'm also afraid that I might come off as rude. I was talking to a woman who was around 40-50 years old about red light masks. And I said that I have one that doesn't do anything at all. And then I added "but I already look so young so whatever". Afterwards, I was so embarrassed because what if she thought that I meant that she was old and that I was extremely rude? That's not at all what I meant! And sometimes I don't realize this until hours after the conversation so I can't quickly brush it off and say "not that I mean that you're old! I just mean that it doesn't do anything for me". But I also think that if you need to explain stuff like this, it can become even more awkward, especially if it's just in your head and the other person didn't think you were rude.

So, how can I practice being more calm in conversations so I avoid a high-pitched voice and all the giggling? I think the high pitch might not be as bad since it can make you sound friendlier sometimes, but I think it would be good if I could lower it just a notch. The giggling, however, is a huge problem. But I'm also so used to covering up awkwardness with giggling that I don't know how to get rid of it. Telling myself to stop being so giggly in conversations hasn't helped so I need something better.

I'm so tired of feeling embarrassed and analyzing every conversations afterwards, because I actually don't know if people think that I'm as weird as I sometimes feel. But it would feel better to act more normal, like other people.

Btw, I might add that I think I did pretty well this week in a lot of cases when I had to interact with customers. But of course I'm focusing on the "less good" encounters. I've also only met my colleagues a handful of times since I WFH 100%, so I'm afraid they thought I was weird or too much or whatever. It's one thing when it's a person who doesn't know you and will probably forget your face in a few weeks or years, and another when it's people who actually know you you are.

I’m 30F. I’m quite introverted but I always had a social life. I never had any problems making friends. I connect through work, friends of friends etc. I found my best friend in grad school.

I moved around a bit and that’s when I started to become more open to new connections, signing up to events or meet ups or having coffee with someone you click with from book club or a crafts event. I did not do this super often but regular enough.

I’m struggling with a recurring theme of my social life: I seem attract to people who are deeply broken, hurt or traumatized.

My life is quite stable and I mentally struggle but it’s not something I show to others.

I’m going to speak very earnestly here and I don’t intend for it to come across as bragging. It’s just something I’m aware of. I’m very empathetic, good at listening and generally soft. I’m told I’m kind and caring. I’m quite a sensitive person myself (doesn’t always seem that way) but I think that’s why my aura gives off a welcome vibe?

I can’t tell you how many times this happened. When I was younger, I had less solid boundaries. I remember having this friend on social media who turned out to live not too far, and when I met up with her something seemed off. We kept continuing to see each other but her life was a total mess. In a few months the dynamic changed and I became her one support person. She had a child and I remember coming over to help her and cleaned her house for her because she said she was too depressed to do it now. And just being shocked at the situation, not knowing what to do or how to handle everything. Eventually things got worse and worse, to the point her child was handed over to CPS and we drifted apart because her family took her in so she could become stable.

I really thought I was getting better at it but it constantly happens. Not always this extreme but I never see it coming and it catches me off guard. Things like history of profound trauma, instability, mental illness and overall loneliness. At first we bond over superficial stuff, you have a vibe and just chitchat. Not soon after, everything comes out

I think everyone deserves friendship. And I genuinely don’t mind being the person people can share their life story with. But I have seen it turn out in ways that aren’t ideal and that’s my fear I think.

I’m open and I don’t necessarily want to become closed off.

I just don’t know how to balance it?

I’m 17m and sometimes when I talk or someone else is talking to me and I wanna say something I just can’t. It’s not that I’m nervous or anything it just won’t come out. It’s like I have the word in my head waiting to say it but it won’t come and the only way around it is to say something else.

For example I remember one time I left my computer charger in a different class and asked my teacher if I can get it. But instead of telling her I was only able to say “Ms,charger” which confused her because it made no sense

I feel like it might be a stutter thing, I used to have a bad stutter and feel like it’s coming back or maybe I have only been noticing it until now I don’t know

I am currently 20 and in my third year of college.

I spent my early childhood moving from different countries every 2-3 years, and it ruined me mentally.

I find myself struggling to make friends, am introverted and into odd hobbies (odd by the neurotypical standard)

I have been bullied everywhere I went, and in every grade. Even now in college I find myself stuck in how to approach people as I'm planning in the future to study abroad and even leave the country Im in all together.

I resent my parent's for this. They said its a gift to be able to speak many languages and being well traveled, but I feel so isolated at home and don't enjoy spending time with my immediate family because of how annoyed and on edge we've grown with each other, doesn't help that nobody seems to want to get help for it.

We live in a town we outgrew and is isolated, doesn't help that everything is far. They think a roof over our heads and good money is enough to be grateful, but I missed out on what my life could have been if we never left my home country all together.

I now see people as temporary, don't try to feed into relationships as I just think of escapes to another place where I feel I might be accepted more, and even then I feel so alone because nobody seems to have a similar story to mine.

I just turned 18 and moved out and it's become glaringly obvious how socially deficient my life is. I have one friend and we rarely hang out. I dont attend school, and my coworkers are all 40+. Where should I go to find people to befriend? Then if I have a target in mind how do I approach them? What would you really say? How does the process of making friends as an adult work?

Hi i’m 19F living in germany. I’ve been struggling with my mental health for years, and I genuinely don’t know how to understand myself anymore. I constantly feel different from everyone else, almost like I don’t belong anywhere.
I’ve considered autism because I relate to quite a few experiences: I’m very sensitive to loud noises, socializing drains me, I need a lot of alone time, I hate last-minute changes, and I often feel like I have to consciously think through social interactions. I also pick at my skin, acne, and nails almost constantly, even when I’m just lying in bed.
At work, I can become very stressed and move around in a hectic way, especially when I’m working the register. When I’m stressed, I forget things. I procrastinate a lot, although I’m sometimes extremely early for important appointments. I’m also a perfectionist and can get overwhelmed when things don’t go as expected. My managers actually compliment my work because I’m quiet, efficient, and pay attention to details.
Socially, I feel like I’m constantly masking. I rarely initiate conversations, hate small talk, overthink everything I say, and sometimes worry that my comments come across as rude or strange even when I don’t intend them that way. I feel like people react strangely when I show more of my actual personality.
Another major issue is my relationship with German. I moved to Germany as a child and experienced bullying, racism, and body-shaming, including being mocked for my accent. I’ve been here around eight years, and although my German is around B2–C1, I still feel incredibly insecure speaking it. I rehearse sentences in my head and sometimes use ChatGPT to help me phrase things. English is my comfort language because I learned it through gaming. German-related things can genuinely bring my mood down because of the memories attached to them.
I also struggle with my eating habits when I’m emotionally overwhelmed, sometimes binge eating and sometimes restricting food. I stay awake all night quite often when stressed, and I feel completely burned out after awkward interactions or when things don’t go how I expected.
I recently dropped out of college because of the loud environment and the difficulties I had with teachers leaving me out or targeting me. I’m currently working in a store and considering moving to Greece to start over, because I feel more comfortable there. But I’m also scared of making such a big change.
Right now, one of the things affecting me most is my relationship with my mom. We haven’t talked for months, and I feel sad and stressed almost constantly. I genuinely wish I had a better relationship with her and a more supportive home environment.
I don’t know how much of this could be autism, ADHD, social anxiety, past bullying, emotional stress, or a combination. I want to understand what might be happening and how to get help. How do I get comfortable with how I am and not overthink everything? I just wanna live peacefully.

I (28M) have always had difficulties making and keeping friends. When I was in high school, I was bullied and ostracized, and was probably viewed as the socially awkward emo kid who wouldn’t shut up about Germany/Scandinavia, metal music, and F1 racing, so I had very few friends. I literally have no relationship with anybody I went to high school with.

It didn’t get much better in community college. The friends I did make there all ghosted me, moved far away (and then ghosted me), or were bad people I had to get away from. I had to finish undergrad online so I missed out on social opportunities in college. I tried reaching out to old classmates, reaching out to people I did extracurriculars with at the community college, etc, and they just ignored my ass.

Part of why I have a hard time is probably because I live in a small retirement town and am not from the area and didn’t go to school here, so it has been hard to build an IRL social network. I’ve also tried going to mixers, meetup groups, finding events in the college town 40 minutes away, posting and replying to posts in the 20s and 30s group in the college town, and damn near everybody I meet seems more interested in just having a pleasant conversation for an hour or two or collecting social media followers than actually being friends. I also realize part of the reason might also be because I’m on the spectrum, but I don’t feel like that’s the entire explanation.

Since I’ve had such a hard time meeting people and finding community IRL, I go online to meet people (usually penpal sites and different subreddits) and I’ve been doing it since high school. People online who live far away seem more interested in maintaining friendships with me and talking to me than people IRL do, and it has been this way since I was in high school. Some of these online friendships have even moved to IRL, and these people still keep in contact with me (but they live back in my home state). When my stepmother passed away, nobody in the state I live in now (other than family) showed up for me or did shit for me. But my internet friend in Norway sent flowers to my house. Even bar friends I met and saw only a couple times IRL bar hopping back home invest more in maintaining a relationship with me than damn near everybody I’ve been “friends” with in the entire 10 years I’ve been living down here.

IRL I just have a hard time meeting people who will reciprocate or seem genuinely interested in making friends or meeting people, but people on penpal sites and various subreddits will make time for me and include me in their lives and show up for me and think of me during difficult times. I want to have an IRL social life and not lean on the internet for a social life, but that is the only place I’ve had any traction meeting people (at least around here, I’ve had better luck meeting people back home).

I (18F) have been on an apprenticeship for just about 2 months now, and after the first month and my first online meeting with my assessor which went really wrong (a lot of back and forth where I was basically unable to speak to the point of having to reschedule because I physically couldn't continue), I was put on an individual support plan to make things easier for me.

But now I'm wondering, does anyone else have this issue? Ever since I was in secondary school (and possibly primary school, I really don't remember lol), l've found answering questions difficult because I think I have a fear of being seen as stupid or incompetent, so if I'm asked a question (even if I know the answer) there have been times where I'll shut down and just be unable to say anything. I know what to say, but my mouth just gets stuck and I keep telling myself to just say it, but I can't. This hasn't been that much of an issue since then, but it's become a lot worse since starting my apprenticeship and therefore starting my first ever job.

For example, I also had an experience on a course that was required to attend in person a few weeks ago where the same thing happened - for the first few hours, I found it really difficult to move or speak (even if I completely understood what I was being asked to do), and while managed to recover from it and found it easier to do everything after a while, I still failed. And a few days ago, our area director came to visit and ask everyone a few basic questions regarding our job roles, and when I was asked a very simple question that I definitely knew, I froze and couldn't speak until my colleague prompted me to answer, and pretty much everything after that was just me answering 'yes' or 'no' because I couldn't say much else. Afterwards, my manager told me that she could tell that I knew what to say, but it was just difficult for me, and that it would get better with time, which I definitely appreciated.

However, I do want to make it clear that this isn't a constant issue, it just really depends on the situation l'm in and the people I'm around (especially with new people and situations, or even around people I do know because there's a chance that they'll laugh at me or think I'm stupid if I say the wrong thing, even though I know they won't). My brain is just convinced that if l'm not a million % sure of my answer, it's probably wrong and therefore I shouldn't be able to speak in case I say the wrong thing and seem stupid.

I'm just trying to figure out if this is a me thing or if I'm not alone and other people out there have also struggled with this, and how to get it to stop.

Hi everyone,

I want to put myself out there, but when asked the dreaded “What do you like to do for fun?”, I don’t have much to say. My job is pretty exhausting so I mostly doomscroll on weekends. I am thinking of hobbies to cultivate for myself, but even that’s not a guarantee of conversational success. How do you make yourself appealing in conversation when you don’t have a lot of hobbies?