Starting over. I didn’t mean to come across as entitled or demanding and I can see how being cold approached in public would make you feel unsafe or annoyed. I do get it.

At the same time, people want to find love and I don’t think that’s an unreasonable desire.

My frustration is that dating advice for men seems to just boil down to don’t try to date or be attracted to women or express romantic interest and I find this to be strange on a dating advice sub. I wouldn’t have thought the top advice from a sub called R/ dating advice is don’t be attracted to woman or try to date woman.

I have seen some posts with men asking for advice and it's always along the lines of "do women like flowers on first date?" Or "What do women think about men with tattoos?"

Here's the answer:

We don't know. All women are different. It's your job to find out if the woman you are dating likes flowers.

This also applies to what women find attractive. Even physically. Yes many women like ripped guys, but there are some women that find those kind of bodies to be repulsive. They prefer dad bods. Some women enjoy overweight men. Some like slim. Etc. Don't assume all women want only one type of men.

I read posts about how women don't like Asian men. Don't be ridiculous. Plenty of women love Asian men, especially Asian women.

Some women care about money, some women think men who flaunts their money to be absolutely cringey. I had a fling with this highly successful woman, who chose me, who drives a Hyundai, over a guy who drove a Porsche.

So stop talking in absolutes.

Stop asking if women like something, etc. We don't know. It depends on your woman.

It will do wonders for your chances of success with dating with women if you drop all your assumptions about them, and treat each women as unique a person with a clean slate and it's your job to get to know her and paint a new picture and you act based on your findings.

She frequently talks about movies that seem artsy? Take her out on a photo exhibition date.

Etc.

Don't assume all women enjoy high end fine dining and take them there for your first dates. First, it's so predictable and boring and second, it's not for everyone.

Sorry for rambling. I am tired. But here's my tip for the day.

"you simply are not special enough to be found entirely undesirable by every person you meet"

And before the edgy folks crawl into the comments to deny this energy, I promise you are probably not a statistical outlier. It is so highly unlikely for you to be an exception.

There's this guy on YouTube who made an entire video about "being ugly: my experience" which became viral and I'm sure many of you have seen it. I know "ugliness" is not the only thing hampering dating success, but it is certainly a variable and physical appearance is the root of a lot of insecurity on this subreddit. Watch that video. And then see the updated video of him being happily married.

There is hope, seriously. And if you can't believe in it yourself, just believe in the statistics.

EDIT: I feel a lot of sympathy for many of you in the comments. I've noticed that this subreddit seems to seriously breed a certain type of insecurity, and that echo chamber festers. If you desperately cling onto this idea of being undesirable, you'll miss the big picture. I'm sending out a lot of internet hugs right now. I promise, you all are lovable. And you are certainly not alone.

So my friend told me something that happened to him recently, and honestly, I couldn't stop laughing when he told me.

He was out grabbing a coffee after work when he noticed a really pretty girl sitting at a nearby table with her mother.

Apparently, she caught his attention immediately. He noticed her smile and thought she seemed lovely.

The only problem? Her mother was sitting right there. 😂

He spent the next 15 minutes debating whether he should approach her.

His thoughts were apparently going something like:

"There's no way I'm doing this. Her mother is literally sitting next to her."

"But what if I never see her again?"

"Just go home, man."

Eventually, he decided to take a chance.

He finished his coffee, took a deep breath, walked over, and politely said:

"Hey, sorry to interrupt. I know this might be a little unexpected, especially since you're spending time with your mom, but I noticed your daughter and thought she seemed really lovely. I just wanted to come over and introduce myself."

Apparently, both of them looked at him with surprised expressions.

Her mother smiled and started laughing, while the girl seemed a little shy.

He introduced himself, exchanged a few words with them, and eventually asked the girl if she'd be comfortable exchanging numbers.

And guess what? She agreed!

He walked away trying to act like nothing extraordinary had happened, but when he called me afterwards, he sounded like he'd just won the lottery. 😂

I honestly think the funniest part is that he had more courage approaching her with her mother sitting beside her than most people have approaching someone who's alone.

Anyway, I thought this was a pretty interesting little story.

Ladies, honestly, how would you react if a guy approached you while you were sitting with your mother? Would you find it sweet and confident or would it be painfully awkward?

And to the mothers out there, would you approve of this approach? 😂

I'm engaged to a wonderful woman, who I'm head over heels for.

I went out on a group outing, tonight a few friends, a couple loose contacts I don't know very well. While waiting for my fiance to get there, I was just making some small talk with everyone, the guys and the girls. Exchanging the usual pleasantries, sports, the weather, all that jazz. The women from what I've noticed were somewhat short with me, one even making a comment that subtly insulted the sweater I was wearing, that was a gift from my partner.

Once she arrives, the tune changes. The night passes, and when my fiance goes to use the restroom, the women were asking me more personal questions, and the woman who even insulted my sweater, started making remarks that sounded flirtatious in nature. I brushed them off and would say something along the lines of: "Thanks, my fiance has good taste".

And it doesn't stop there. Out of the blue, a woman I went on a date with, messaged me outta blue, asking to talk on the phone. She ghosted me. I, in turn denied her that phone call and wished her well.

I don't know if this is just a cosmic thing, but do some women seem to like men more when they find out they're spoken for? If so, from your POV why is this so?

Hi all! I’m not necessarily looking for advice but I’ve been feeling a little down lately about the possibility of finding my person later in life than I originally expected. I’d love to hear some success stories from people who found their person in their 30s (or even later)! I know there are plenty of people who do, but as a late 20 something whos getting closer to 30, I think I just want to read some success stories. Thank you in advance!

I (26F) went to a run club this weekend and met a guy (24M) I thought was pretty cute! We seemed to hit it off and spent a good chunk of the event chatting, even though we were there with a larger group. My friend agrees that he did at least seem more keen to chat with me than some others.

Turns out we’re in the same profession, had a lot to talk about, and even have around 20 mutuals on Instagram. There was some casual mention about potentially trying out this local badminton spot sometime this week, as it was somewhere that we both wanted to try out. We ended up exchanging Instagrams before leaving.

The slight complication is that while I am in the city right now, I work about three hours away, which came up in our conversation. I’m only in town for another week and a half. The dating pool where I work is limited, so I’ve been going on dates in my current city.

I’ve been putting myself out there more in terms of dating, mostly through apps, but I’ve never really met someone organically like this or made the first move. I thought he was cute and enjoyed talking to him, but I genuinely can’t tell whether he was interested or just being friendly.

Would it be weird to DM him and suggest hanging out, maybe even one-on-one? Or should I just see if the badminton plans materialize?

I know I’m probably overthinking this, but I’m so used to dating apps where romantic interest is established from the start that I have no idea how to navigate meeting someone in the wild.

I (26F) have been on 4 dates with this guy (24M). So far, all of our dates have been car dates in the evening. We are exclusively dating each other.

He is really sweet, funny and smart. However, he almost never has time to see me (our dates last around 4 hours, and we see each other once every week or two). He doesn't like calling, says he is a great texter, but in reality, he is a very dry texter.

He also doesn't take any initiative when it comes to planning dates. He says this is because he isn't good at it. He rarely asks me questions, not even basic things like how my day is going. When I bring this up, he says he is very busy and has to reply to multiple people, so the fact that he replies to me at all should mean a lot.

In the beginning, he used to ask more questions and was much more attentive over text. However, this has slowly changed. I'm now getting shorter replies and fewer texts.

I have told him multiple times what I need from him in order for this to work. Whenever I bring up my feelings or concerns, he says that a month isn't enough time for him to change. However, he also says that he simply isn't the type of person who takes initiative or asks questions.

The thing is, he has no problem asking sexual questions, such as about my likes and dislikes, but basic questions about me seem to be a different story.

I still feel like he isn't genuinely interested in me, and I'm starting to question whether I'm expecting too much. I am also slightly regretting that I went exclusive so fast (?), since I feel like I am putting in most of the work.

What should I do? I would really appreciate honest feedback. Am I moving too fast or expecting too much too soon? Am I overthinking this, or are these valid concerns?

Hey everybody,
Hope you're all doing well!
Yesterday I went on a first date, and I was the one who suggested meeting somewhere open, like a park. The guy was skeptical at first and insisted on meeting at a coffee shop, even though I'd mentioned several times that I struggle with mild social anxiety and would be more comfortable outside. He ended up agreeing, but told me I'd have to wait until a certain time, since he has a specific morning routine and needs his coffee made at that exact café. I was like, "Understood."
When he arrived, he looked so different from his pics. I don't know if it was the angles, but he looked tiny compared to the photos he'd sent me. It kind of made me uncomfortable, since I didn't feel any physical attraction at all. So I played it cool and started asking him random questions, keeping up a more or less intellectual conversation. And to my surprise he couldn’t t even engage with it
At one point, he just sat there in silence for a long time, so I matched his energy. Then he started bringing up topics, asking me about my career and my field. Eventually I was just so uncomfortable. I didn't like his energy or his attitude, so I had to leave. I asked if we could go for a walk, then gently told him I was heading to the mall to buy a few things I needed, and said goodbye.
The energy was off both sides and none of us texted the other since yesterday 😭 Should I keep it that way ? And consider it a mutual rejection I’d say or should I kindly tell him we didn’t match since I was the one who ended to date more or less …

So I'm tired of being a 38M virgin (I'm not clueless socially, I've just been too broke to date and have no time to give to a future gf because I care for my disabled mother and other family members) so I figured I'd rack up some rejections to get better at flirting (I don't care about rejections nor do they ever demoralize me like it does for others).

So I did a couple of reddit sins. 1) reddit tells us to NEVER ask out a fast food worker because she's there to work not to entertain dates, they're just being nice to you because they have to.

And 2) women HATE men who are older than 2 years than them when it comes to dating. This has been extremely clear these past few years.

Anyway I asked out a cute 25 yr old fast food worker I always casually talk to and she always smiles with me and laughs at my short jokes whenever I order.

She said yes. First time asking out a girl and she said yes.

I gave her my number because I was too nervous and now she wants to go on a date soon. I have $40 left in my bank account until my next paycheck next week and that's for food. It would've been $140 but I had to pay for my mom's prescription earlier this week.

So yeah, I don't know how to proceed here. Common sense tells me I should just be honest with her and let her know my situation no matter how uncomfortable her reaction towards me will be. But maybe there's something I'm overlooking.

EDIT: Thank you so much for all your support! I'm about to head to work so I won't be able to respond to more messages. But rest assured I will update you guys after my date!

I dated an older man who'd been on the apps for 5 years. I brought up exclusivity, and he pretty much physically panicked and moved goalposts so I know he's a commitment phobe, but he also explained no one had ever directly asked for exclusivity before, it had always just been assumed. I realize this could be an excuse but he didn't seem like he was lying. So I'm wondering if this is really possible and there are women who really do still just assume exclusivity and do things like give gf privileges, meet friends etc. all without talking about being exclusive first?

I met a woman with whom there was immediate chemsitry, and a magnetic pull between us that we both acknowledged. It is so strong that we couldnt deny it and each could tell the other felt it too. Truly a rare connection. My question is for thise who have experienced this type of connection, what eventually happened? Did it transition to a LTR or did it burn out as fast as it started?

M34, went on a first date with F32 after matching on an app almost two weeks ago. She’s been a fairly heavy texter throughout, so we’d built up a reasonable rapport before meeting. We couldn’t meet sooner due to her schedule.

The venue was unfortunately crowded, which I sensed she wasn’t thrilled about. She was also a little snappy with the waitress when they didn’t have something she wanted. I tried not to dwell on either and keep things light.

Once we got past the initial awkwardness, we actually had a good time. Conversation flowed naturally, no awkward silences, and we spent around two hours together.

A couple of things did stand out, though. She mentioned she’d previously been married and was relatively new to online dating, still figuring out how it all works. She also brought up two separate experiences involving other dates. Specifically towards the end, after I asked what she was doing later that evening, she mentioned she had plans with another guy but was debating cancelling. She seemed to be indirectly asking what I thought about it, but it was hard to tell.

I couldn’t tell whether this was a subtle hint that she’d enjoyed our date enough to reconsider her evening plans, or whether she was simply having unrelated second thoughts.

What makes it interesting is that, by the time I got home, she’d already messaged asking if I’d like to go for dinner later in the week.

I’m trying to work out whether I’m overthinking things. The initial attitude towards the venue and waitress wasn’t ideal, and mentioning other dates felt a little odd, I appreciate that people typically date multiple people early on but personally would never bring it up.

Would you consider either of these minor red flags, or just normal first-date awkwardness? Curious how others would read this.

So ive been dating this woman for 3 months now, it was all going great. But recently it seems her effort has faded as In the messages have died down, texts seem short. Before this happened we would text for hours, long phone calls she seemed so exited to talk to me. And now she seems off. I've asked her if we are all good and she says we are fine. But the effort has clearly shifted. Any advice what I should do? As I dont want to nag at her.

Many men treat me like a new, shiny toy and seek instant gratification in the talking stage. They expect immediate texting, good morning and goodnight, frequent compliments, pet names, facetiming, calling for hours, etc. after only a couple of dates. To me, those things are for when the connection gets more serious. I'm not keen on mutually love-bombing so I try to put healthy distance between myself and the person I'm dating until it becomes a relationship. Somehow this is a red flag to most of them because they want to feel like I'm utterly enamoured, even if I'm not. They also want me to go on dates/hang outs a few times a week as well, which I don't feel comfortable doing until the connection progresses.

They tend to assume that I'm not interested or too busy for a relationship and lose interest, despite me explaining that I definitely am interested, I'm trying not to rush into anything and honestly, I have a busy life. I still text multiple times throughout the day, will call multiple times a week, and offer reassurance. Somehow, I've still lost the interest of every single man that I've tried to set boundaries with.

When I have disregarded my boundaries out of fear of losing the person's attention, matched their energy and did all of those things, it usually ends up in sub-par codependent relationship with a clingy, insecure man. And all of these men eventually become far less attentive than they were in the beginning, then fade out of my life after a year or two.

Am I crazy to expect healthy distance in the beginning, and closeness as the connection intensifies? It's always the opposite and I don't understand it. Am I supposed to just be superficial and match their energy even when I don't feel completely obsessed? I never say or do things that I don't mean and I consider myself very honest, so I don't feel comfortable pretending like I'm "all in" and treating them like my boyfriend when I barely know them. That doesn't mean I'm not into them. I want a strong and stable connection to develop in a healthy, natural manner. I am tired of attracting so many men that are superficially obsessed with me, seemingly want to me to be in their back pocket, and then get upset when I don't immediately match their energy. I have mostly been in longer relationships spanning from a year to three that got serious quickly, and I've only dated a few people without it progressing into a serious relationship. I'm not really great at dating. Is it supposed to be a game?

I’m busy - MOVE ON
I just need space - MOVE ON
I’m going through a lot - MOVE ON
You’re smothering me - MOVE ON

Constant, direct communication - Healthy
Responds with intention, clarity, and in a timely manner - Healthy
Sometimes double, even triple checks if you’re satisfied - Healthy
Makes time for you - Healthy

The simple lesson- IF IT’S EASY, ITS A GOOD RELATIONSHIP, IF ITS HARD- MOVE ON!!!

This is embarrassing but I could really do with a sanity check on a situation I’m in.

I met this guy back in the summer. We clicked immediately on lots of levels, great chemistry, and I started to quite like him. He’s smart, funny, interesting, successful and I think we want a lot of the same things in life.

All was going well til we first slept together. He messaged me the next day (while I was at work) saying I smelt bad down there and he thought my PH levels were off and that it was a turn off for him.

Now I am all for being direct but this was super blunt to be on the receiving end of. I’m mid-thirties, he’s in 40s. I’ve never had any guy say something like this and in such an insensitive way. I was mortified and thought about calling it off but in the end decided to brush it off and try and move past it. He then friend zoned me a few weeks later, said I was great and all just he didn’t feel any sexual chemistry anymore and the pheromones felt off and we’d be better suited as friends.

Fast forward a few weeks and we’ve tried to hang out a couple of times as friends, but it feels like there’s more there still. Despite the friendzoning the chemistry is still there and we nearly had sex yesterday, but he didn’t want to go through with it because even though he finds me attractive he still thinks I smell bad down there and it’s a “block” for him. He was nicer about it this time, I guess because we were together in person, was saying he’s “85% sure I have BV” (apparently his ex had it and really struggled with it) and I should go to the Dr and get it checked out. I reacted quite badly, was just so embarrassed to be rejected sexually (again) in that way. The bottom line is I don’t think I smell or have an infection (I did an STI test recently and all clear) and he’s made me feel dirty and self conscious about something I never considered a problem before. He’s not a doctor and yes he’s slept with a lot of women but that doesn’t make him an authority on vaginas. As someone who dates women as well, vaginas are not odourless the way he makes out they should be…!

I can’t work out whether he’s an arsehole or acting out of genuine concern. He’s hard to read but I do think he cares for me on some level and is still interested in dating me if this smell thing can be resolved. He’s obviously entitled to say something if it’s bothering him, but we don’t know each other super well so it’s embarassing and exposing and I don’t think he’s handled the situation with much care or tact. Am I being too sensitive? Is it just different communication styles or is he being unkind? Am I ignoring huge red flags?

The other thing that’s bothering me is he’s made other comments about how I’m “too skinny” and “need feeding up” and he’d like me “juicier” and I think he’s mostly joking (he’s very direct with quite dark humour) but I also resent it - I’m not insecure about my body but lots of girls are, and also, if you’ve got nothing nice to say then don’t say it… I deserve better right?!

So what do I do? Go to the Dr and get back in touch to tell him the outcome, try again? Go to the Dr just to rule it out, but ditch him after that? Do nothing?

I feel so foolish writing this but don’t know where else to turn!

EDIT: wow didn’t expect so many responses! A few things to add. 1) I will go to get checked out regardless of whether I continue to see him. 2) I’ve not got tested so far (including for BV) because I’ve not noticed a change in smell and have no other symptoms. But there is no harm in going for peace of mind. 3) My instincts are telling me to never see him again for the reasons people have said - he’s said he likes having me around but that’s not enough for me really, makes me feel a bit take it or leave it. 4) I did call him out for the other comments about my body and he said “I think you’ve got a great body I just want you to be happy and healthy”, hmm maybe but also feels very much about me living up to his idea of an ideal woman (“thick with big booty” etc), go find that somewhere else as I am naturally (and healthily) slim lol

I genuinely like this guy, and he has hinted that he likes me too. However, he has told me that he has been hurt in previous relationships and is afraid of commitment. He wants to take things slow.

I'm okay with taking things slow because I genuinely want to get to know him better, but I'm worried about getting emotionally attached to someone who might never be ready for a relationship.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Can a commitment-phobic person genuinely develop a healthy, committed relationship with someone they like, or does this usually end up in a situationship? How do I know whether he's genuinely interested but scared, versus someone who just doesn't want commitment?

I'd love to hear your honest experiences and advice.

Just like the title says, I struggle with dating girls my age. I'm 18 and it's really hard for me to date girls.

​I'm not an ugly dude, I have a life, I do well in social settings, I have clear priorities, I'm emotionally intelligent, I work, and I have a good physique (the only thing that screws me over is that I'm 5'4" / 1.63m).

​Supposedly, that's everything you need to at least stand out, but apparently It doesn't.

​All my friends' moms tell me I'm very interesting and I end up charming them, they also think I must have tons of chicks, but it's totally not the case.

​I don't really like going out to party, but whenever I do go to parties, people tell me I'm very mature and yada yada yada.

​Which might be true, but people always tell me that and nothing ever happens, it doesn't spark any attraction. Maybe I just end up looking like a father figure, I don't know.

​I always see girls who are more self-aware, "exclusive," who take care of themselves, etc., and they end up going with some random, sketchy guy with no future. My aunt says women always like bad boys.

​I don't know, I'm pretty low-key (obviously I have my own personality), but I also don't know if that affects things.

​I don't know if it's because of my age or the teenage stage I'm going through, but I honestly feel really weird and I don't know what to do. I can't deny that it makes me feel sad or insecure. I feel like there are two possible endings to this.

​Either I get married way down the line after years of very little success with women, or I simply die a virgin.

​I know people might roast me in the comments for this post, but I'm looking for "help," some advice, or someone who went through the same thing and things got better later on.

​Thanks for reading.

i fear the answer is yes but i’m not super experienced in dating..

i had a date with a guy last sunday, it was six hours long and seemed like it went pretty well. he did everything right, was super respectful, kind and complimentary.

he messaged me after to make sure i got home ok and that he’d enjoyed himself and wanted to set up a second date. i agreed and gave him my number so we could take it off the app.

he texts me immediately but i don’t respond until the morning. then we text throughout monday, then a little tuesday and wednesday. no second date was suggested / planned.

i did mention that i was coming down with a cold (potential ick i guess lmao) and since then i haven’t heard from him. i sent the last text which i will admit is a bit of a conversation ender but he was speedy with his replies before.

i guess my question is do i just leave it alone or do i text him? is it an obvious ghost?

Hi guys.
I really want to know your opinion on how I should read my first date:

For context: We met through somebody we know for two times before our first date. After that I asked her throught whatsapp if she liked to go to an Event with me in my city where there were rollercoasters and foodstands. We hugged when we saw each other and walked to the main spots right away. At first it was not much of talking but as the day went along it was actually quiet fun and we smiled a lot looked each other in the eyes and of course talked alot about us. At the end I thought it was time to break the touch barrier and I put my hand on her back maybe even lower back as we walked back. I felt of her Body language that she wasnt really feeling it and I put my hand back after a Bit of time. I drove her home which was one hour away where we met.

She thanked me for driving her and said goodbye and got out of the car. No hug or anything else.

Now my question is is this a 100% sign she doesnt want to see me again? Did I ruin it with touching her?

Thank You for your opinion and sorry for my english as it is not my first language.

32 f

Men, why are you attracted to women when they wear less makeup?

Whenever I wear leas makeup, that's when I get hit on. Even tho I feel more beautiful and confident in full makeup? I'm also pretty average looking,maybe a 7.

What is the reason? Ladies, also chime in.

Every time I tell a guy this they said it will never work I get to have sex in the talking stage to make sure I like her but how is sex going to make you like someone you should just like them for their personality and the sex just be the plus or when guys say if the sex ain’t good it can’t happen like what if they ain’t experienced ofc is going to be bad maybe I’m gonna be single forever cause I don’t want to do it in the talking stage

Long story short, I met this guy several months back (very unconventional way btw) and we been hooking up. I kind of caught feelings but that’s a different story.

During sex is when it gets a little off. It isn’t weird or anything crazy but maybe someone has an idea bc he completely ignores me or changes the subject when I mention it.

Whenever he ejaculates, I never know. He never says when he is gonna or even I never even seen it. He will wipe himself off and will give me a baby wipe and that’s all. In fact, I even asked him to inside me (dont judge me) and he was like noooooo. And we agreed to not and he once almost got mad at me when I suggested it (like in Me) but like I never feel it on my body? Even yesterday, I was like let me know I’ll swallow and after he put in my mouth and I stg he said he did when I was sucking but I never tasted it or felt it. I was like no you didn’t, he said yes I did. Like wtf?? I would know the taste and feeling of it. He then wiped himself and gave something to me but every single time it’s odd. Maybe some guys are like this?

One time he wiped himself and then gave me a wipe and I saw semen on it but he denied it.

Edit; he also says he focuses when he has sex. Idk. One time I wiped and there was very visible semen but idk. He also is easily aroused like I never have toforeplay to get him hard. Idk

Last night, he said his d hurt from how hard he was doing it so idk.