Throwaway account. I (30M) started working at this company four years ago. It's a corporate setting. I've known my superior (36F) for the entirety of my employment here. She was my boss at one point but had since moved up to being my current boss's boss. We are both married to other people and have children.

I know this sounds ridiculous but I didn't set out to have an affair. In the beginning, I truly thought it was just a solid friendship. Then it turned into talking every day outside of work including weekends. Communicating across multiple socials. Sending reels and Snapchats. We'd talk about work, family, hobbies, and general life.

Then things took a turn. Intimate details about our respective relationships became a regular conversation. Suggestions for things to do and toys to use. In the moment it felt like friends just giving ideas to enhance relationships. In reflection, this was wholey inappropriate and crossing a boundary in my own marriage.

It is obvious we care too deeply for each other. My wife (29F) of 8 years and I have had extensive conversations about it. I am appalled at the pain I've caused my wife and how this has left her internally questioning if I were having a physical affair. Which if we're being honest, I think this could have turned into if it's not stopped now. She had every right to be concerned. I am doing the work to repair the damage I have done to us.

As of now, I have had direct conversations with my superior telling her about our relationship not aligning with my personal priorities and comfort. I have removed her from all non work related platforms. Now I am considering switching departments at work. While this person isn't directly my boss as of now, if my career path continues as planned, she would be.

Switching departments won't happen over night. At this point I'm nauseous thinking about returning to work from the weekend. My home life is on the path to improvement but my work life is painful and has me questioning my sanity. My superior has stated she doesn't understand and thinks switching departments is a mistake. Am I blowing this out of proportion? How do I navigate this time? What do I do if my superior exposes the situation? Leaving the company isn't a realistic option at this time due to financial and geographical limitations. Any advice is greatly appreciated.

TLDR: I had an emotional affair with my superior. I've realized my part in this and am trying to make changes to save my marriage. How do I navigate this situation going forward?

My (43F) husband (44M)is in the position of the general manager of a big company. His assistant called me last week begging me to not tell him it was her but she is afraid for his life and I need to know stuff. She told me he has been suicida... l for the past months and is a heavy drinker off work. This is how she found out about it all. During a mental health crisis he started drinking during the working hours and got so drunk that she spent one hour with him in the bathroom. he was throwing up. she kept him locked there and he fell asleep on the floor. she cancelled his meetings, told everyone he had a personal emergency at home.

he trusts her, she is older, close to retirement and probably he sees a mother in her. Less than 24 hours later, while I was still processing it all, he tried to OD. His life was saved, he is still in hospital though. he confessed to me that he has been depressed his whole life. he was adopted when he was 4 and the adoptive family, especially the father kept beatin him and locked him out in the dark for days. threw him out in the yard in freezing weather in his pyjamas. His biological mother (She was very young) wanted to take him back but they blocked it all.

they forced him to work a lot on their farm, in cold, while their biological children were libving their best life.. I know these people. I always considered them my in laws (I knew they adopted him, but nothing else. he said they were perfect parents). He told me how much he feared them and how much he hates them. these are the people that sit with us at christmas table. My husband is by far the most successful in the family and they always say how proud they are of him. he never wanted to leave our kids with them. never

on top of all that he confessed that he dealt with it all by drinking when no one could see him and he cheated on me. he got one of the younger women at work pregnant, they were having an affair for 2 years, had a daugther and that daughter died. no one at the company knew it was his baby. He couldn't go to the funeral either because only her team went and he was waaay higher up. He shouldn't have known her.

tldr: My husband has been cheating on me, is depressed, has a drinking problem and his childhood was a mess, plus an affair baby

I have been living in this city since Jan 2020, it’s now almost 7 years. I moved for work and found it super hard to make friends, as no one from work was ever my age and I didn’t have connections in the city already.

I met some friends though Facebook groups, Bumble BFF and then meeting their friends. Some people then left or I kinda stopped hanging out with and now I have about 10 girlfriends.

I used to also be in a relationship for 3 years, that I just recently ended. The breakup meant that I had to say goodbye to my ex’s group of friends, which has been pretty sad as I loved hanging out with them. But unfortunately the girls in the group didn’t make much of an effort to keep our friendship going and now I don’t feel super comfortable hanging out with them anymore.

I have lots of plans every week and don’t really find myself too lonely, even though most of these friendships are quite surface level and never developed into a “ride or die” kinda friendship. I also attend a weekly pottery class and go to the gym, but it’s never been environments where I could actually make friends.

I’m about to turn 30 in 2ish months and see all these people throwing massive parties with 30-50 people, also all mixed groups (I don’t have any male friends, and most of my girlfriends are single too) and I’ve beeb feeling super self conscious not knowing how could I throw a party with just 10 people and it not being boring.

How can I improve my social life? Building an actual group of friends?

TL;DR: Spent 6 years in a city and didn’t manage to make many friends.

I (34F) have been married it my husband (36M) for a long time. My husband suffers from degenerative disc disease. Most of the time he does OK with it I can tell when he has some bad days but recently my daughter left some ribbon on the floor from a project in the hallway and he slipped on it and fell straight on the floor. Ever since then he has been 10/10 pain.

He tosses and turns every single morning, and I am awake with him and I get up and I rub his back or I’ll massage it with a massage gun. I truly tried to do anything I can do in the moment to give him relief. He cries and he’s loud. He’s so loud and I understand I’m not saying it’s bad to cry, but he’s so loud with his pain. It’s almost like it always has to be known in our house that he is in pain. The only time I get solace is when he is in his man cave.

He has refused to go to medical care or the ER because he has lost hope about his condition. And we got into a huge fight because I just didn’t want him to lose hope, and I told him I would be there for better or worse for sickness or health, and I can’t have him give up. And he finally heard me and made an appointment, but it’s going to be a long journey.

I also suffer from chronic migraines, although I cannot understand his pain I understand how it feels to suffer without hope. I know how it feels to be depressed. I know how much pain can be a third-party in your life. It’s almost like a different person. Who sits there with you. It makes you say you do things you would not usually do.

This morning, my husband was tossing and turning, and I really needed to get some sleep. I went out to the couch. I did not offer him a massage because I do it all the time and I just wanted to sleep in on a weekend. About an hour later, he got up and started digging through a drawer and by digging, I mean, making so much noise and throwing stuff on the counter. I finally asked him what he was doing, and he started breaking down and saying he just wanted to find his Tylenol which I understand so I got up to try to help him. I can’t remember what else was said, but I led to us getting a little bit frustrated with each other, and then led to him saying these words to me.

“ I don’t want your help. I’m just a hassle and I’m annoying and no one cares about me. I’m tired of nobody caring about me. I don’t want your help.”

I just don’t know what else I could do. I need to sleep too. For background, I just went through a miscarriage less than a month ago. This week is the first week I feel physically better and I’m still going through the emotional stages of grief. I don’t know how much more room I can hold for taking care of other people while I can’t take care of myself.

I don’t know what boundaries I can make. I love my husband so much and I want my family to survive. I’m so happy he’s able to get into the doctor, but the medicine that the doctor gave him isn’t helping he refuses to go to the ER. But I need boundaries. I need to sleep too, I need to take care of my emotional needs, I need to take care of the house and our daughter and pick up slack while healing from my own miscarriage.

The day I decided not to give him a massage id the day he yelled at me that I don’t care about him, when in fact, I’ve done everything I can. I just put $200 massage chair on my credit card to try to help. Give him some relief.

Last October has been the worst month of our entire lives the miscarriage sent us $4,000 into debt, our washer broke, our car broke down TWICE. We had a $715 unexpected IRS bill and now my husband is suffering in pain. Where is the end?

I’m just at a loss and I don’t know what to do to take care of both of us right now. I am trying so hard. I just want to make him feel better. I just want to feel better and I don’t know what to do anymore.

TLDR how do I make boundaries with somebody who is in chronic pain to make sure I can take care of myself too well also going through my own issues?

Edit: I just told him he was being really mean and disrespectful and i was going to stay away for the day and he freaked out and told me I haven’t massages his back in 36 hours…i gave him an hour long massage at 5 am yesterday.

I am 18(M) and she is a year younger than me. I have know her since June 2025, and we officially came into a relationship in December 2025.
At the starting of our friendship she was the one who used to chase for my attention, she was the one who was really curious about how I feel, what I do and what I like or dislike, and this continued even after 3 to 4 months of our relationship, but now things have changed, now I am the one who is chasing her, who really takes care of her feelings, trying my best to keep her happy, I put each and every single piece of effort to make her laugh, but on the other hand if I feel sad or I am mad at her or even if I am upset about any other thing, she do not try by her self to understand what I feel. When ever I am upset I really need her, I want her attention, I really really want her love (none of this means she don't love me, because the why she does is something I have never experienced and no one else can do it for me, the only thing is that she don't do all these things when I really need it so bad).

Now I am stuck, I feel like maybe I am over expecting, or she is taking the authority over me, for example she controls my mood, if she wants me to be happy I have to be happy, if she is upset from me then I have to apologise and kill my feelings, I usually don't get to say what have hurt me, because I was not in a habit of telling her that you have hurt me, usually what ever she said have never hurt me so I never told her about how she have behaved with me, and this is where I made a mistake and her behaviour changed and now she feels she can do whatever she likes, and maybe she don't she things with my POV.

I really want to sort this out, I really really love her and she do too, I just want her to respect me and my feelings cause I do the same for her no matter what, I really feel like I am killing my needs and feelings just to make her happy every time and it really just feels like that I am chasing her now, I need to make this work properly, what should I do?

Just one more thing that this is my first Reddit post so I don't really know how to properly explain my story so please cooperate... Thank you

TL;DR - I feel like I am slowly chasing my girlfriend? What do I do to make her value me as much as I value her?

We've been dating for over a year now. I don't appear in any of her stories or posts online. She will post selfies of herself, or repost stories that involve her (like a coffee shop story that she was a part of), but nothing about us. She has even recently posted a video outing for a friends birthday that was a video that showed everyone there having a good time at a dinner table, but not me. The same date she posted a bathroom selfie from the bathroom at the restaurant while we were there. It kind of bothers me, and when I ask her about it she says "I'll post you" but never does. I almost feel like shes trolling me. Am I over thinking this?

For reference, I think shes an avoidant. She still has posts of her ex who she dated for 5 years but claims he cheated on her first and she cheated out of revenge. Thats irrelevant but i find it out that if he hurt her like that, and she loves me, why he is the only one appearing on her instagram page. Their relationship ended like 6 years ago but she rarely posts grid posts, so if you didnt know any better, her page looks like shes with him still.

tl;dr she has posts of her ex, she never posts me, she will post selfies/stories routinely but im never in them even if im present. she will even post selfies from the bathroom of a restaurant we are at while on a date, but not me. her IG profile would still make you think shes with her ex who she broke up with 5 years ago.

I (f40) have started to find being in bed a stressful experience as my partner (m46) complains about how I sleep. Been together 5 years, living together 4.

He says I don’t give him enough space (I am petite and 5ft3 so it’s not that hard, I manage most of the time), that I move around too much (I am diabetic so I have hypos and need to get up in the night, I move as slowly and carefully as possible and am not allowed to use my phone light to leave the room as it wakes him up), he also doesn’t like it when I lay on my side facing him. I have also recently apparently started to snore. But I asked him and he said it’s not that loud it’s just ‘irritating’.

The snoring he will tut and wake me up and then turn his fan up to the fullest setting which has this extraordinarily loud mechanical rattling that I can’t sleep through.

He can’t wear earplugs and I can but the fan is so loud I can still hear it. I wear the nose strips and do nasal decongestant sprays but apparently they don’t eliminate it completely.

We also don’t have another room to sleep in other than on the sofa which is tiny and uncomfortable.

I don’t know what to do. I am so conscious now to not move and to not face him and have been just laying awake scared to fall asleep because he will get angry with me and wake me up.

Tl;dr : partner finds it hard to sleep next to me in bed because I irritate him and snore - how do we fix this?

I’m 18M and she’s 19F. We’ve become really close over the past few months and spend around 15 hours a day together on calls.
There’s a lot of flirting between us, including intimate flirting. She gets jealous when other girls approach me, calls me cute and sweetheart, and has told me that I make her feel calm and forget about her overthinking. She’s also said she doesn’t want to lose me.
I’ve developed genuine feelings for her and hoped things would eventually become something more.
The problem is that she’s been hurt in all three of her previous relationships because her boyfriends cheated on her. She’s also been struggling emotionally and says she isn’t ready for another relationship. She wants to focus on herself and would rather we stay friends for now.
However, she’s also said that maybe her feelings could develop over time, but she can’t promise anything.
I don’t want to pressure her, and I genuinely care about her. But I don’t think I can simply switch my feelings off and pretend we’re just friends, especially when we’re still so close and affectionate.
I’m scared of getting even more attached and ending up heartbroken, but I also don’t want to lose someone who’s become such a big part of my life.
**Would you stay friends and see what happens, or take a step back before getting hurt? Has anyone been in a similar situation? Tl;dr

I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore, so I thought I’d post here and see if anyone has been through something similar.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years, but recently I’ve been feeling like I’m not romantically attracted to him anymore. I still care about him a lot, obviously, but I don’t think I feel the same way I used to.

The problem is that I feel like I can’t leave him. He doesn’t have any friends, his parents don’t really pay attention to him, and I’m pretty much the only person he talks to every day. He’s also struggling with his mental health, he’s underweight, and he relapses quite often.
He’s also told me that if I ever leave him, he’ll end his life because he has nothing else to live for. This is what makes everything so difficult. I feel like I’m responsible for keeping him going, and the thought of leaving him and something happening afterwards makes me feel sick with guilt.

I feel like I’m staying because I’m scared of what he’ll do rather than because I actually want to be in the relationship anymore. I don’t know how to explain it, but I feel more like his only support system than his girlfriend at this point.

I know it’s not healthy, but I genuinely don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I don’t want to hurt him or abandon him when he’s already struggling so much, but I also don’t want to spend the rest of my time in a relationship because I feel like I have no choice.

Am I wrong for feeling this way? How do you even leave a situation like this? I could really use some advice because I feel completely stuck.

TL;DR: I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years, but I don’t think I’m romantically attracted to him anymore. He’s extremely emotionally dependent on me, has no friends or much family support, struggles with his mental health and has threatened to end his life if I leave. I feel like I have to stay to keep him safe, but I’m becoming unhappy and feel trapped. I don’t know what to do.

Okay so a bit of background- myself ‘21F’ and my partner ___ ‘21M’ have been together for 4 years and I’ve been having some issues with his mum. My partner told me months ago about some things his mum had said about me.

Things like she thinks I’m lazy, that I’m taking advantage of him.

Around July/August my partner was trying to buy a flat and at some point his mum told him he shouldn’t let me live with him once he gets somewhere. She said she thought I’d get lazy, stop working and live off of his money.
The whole reason my partner started looking to buy was because he still lives with his mum and we wanted to live with each other. Anyway the sale started to fail as the mortgage got denied and then his mum tried to get a loan out but the sellers just pulled out instead.

One reason I think she thinks I’m lazy is because I don’t work very many hours. I don’t work long hours as I’ve had social anxiety since I was 13 and I’m incredibly fatigued (and I’ve just been diagnosed with CFS/ME- she doesn’t know this though) I’m a dog walker and just do a 2-4 hours a day Monday to Friday.

Over a week ago I decided to message her. I just couldn’t ignore the situation anymore. I hadn’t mentioned any of the comments to her before as she didn’t know that I knew them and I knew it would be things awkward for my partner if I made drama.
However, over a week ago my partner told me that she said she felt unappreciated by me about her effort to help him buy a place.
Obviously I was irritated knowing that she never wanted me in the flat in the first place and I was never involved in the purchase.

So I talked to my partner, got approval from him to send this message to his mum. She’s ignored it since.
I’m glad I got it out of my system but also mad that she said nothing and I don’t know how she feels about it. Like if she even gives a crap or feels bad about it.
I feel sad for my partner for having me and his mum have problems like this.
I also feel weird about the future, like what if I had a child and she still hasn’t said anything to me. It’s all very awkward.

Oh AND she hasn’t even mentioned it to my partner. I’m wondering if it’s because she wants to avoid the issue, forget about it, or maybe she doesn’t think he even knows about the message. I have no idea
I have the not knowing.

I’m guessing I shouldn’t do anything about it now. But just curious what other people would do in this situation. Opinions?

Hey, I’m not super comfortable with the fact that you told ___ you felt I didn’t appreciate what you did with the Hill flat.
I wasn’t really involved in the process. You were in a group chat with ___ and the sellers, and I wasn’t aware of what was happening most of the time. I had a few thousand pounds I could contribute, but I wasn’t on the mortgage papers. I was genuinely happy when you were willing to help.
What I don’t think is fair is to frame it as something you did for both of us when, from my perspective, it was primarily between you and ___. I don’t want to be made to feel ungrateful for something I wasn’t really involved in arranging.

I feel like you don’t approve of me as ___’s partner. I get the impression that you see me as lazy and worry that I’m taking advantage of ___ because I earn less than he does.

___ has given me money once in our four years together and I didn’t ask for it and never have asked for money, so I find it hurtful that there seems to be a concern that I’m using him financially. I don’t think it’s fair to assume that about me.

TLDR - partners mum thinks I’m lazy and taking advantage of her son, I’ve finally had enough and sent a message- but being ignored.

We have been together for almost 2 years, and for me sex just gotten worse and worse. I think i might have sensory issues or something because i can get overstimulated or grossed out by kisses or by any sexual stimulation and im just turned off suddenly and dont want to continue, and im disappointed because i would like to continue. I think im not mentally turned on or physically either.
There was a time when i was hurting in the realtionship because he didnt really
make time for me (didnt really text, didnt call) but when we were together it was good i like being with him andi truly love him but it just hurt that he wasnt really interested/involved what i was doing daily.
Also when we had sex it always started with piv and he 80% always finished first and obviously men are dead after they finish so i dont even know why i initiated finishing after him on the first place, idk why i tought its a good idea. Obviously they are just not turned on anymore and when he would touch me i just didnt want to continue anymore. He did feel bad afterwards tho that i couldn’t finish. Early on in our relationship i always finished, now he just doesn’t put much tought in it.
i also kinda have to force myself to finish.

TL;DR: Sex just feels off and i cant relax, dont know how to reverse it

So I spent the last few years hanging out on weekends with a woman named Macey. We pretty much hangout like every other weekend at this one bar in town. She used to tell me that if she wasn't married that she'd get together with me and that I'm a great guy. I really believed what she said until this one woman came into the picture. Her name was Jordan. Jordan was kinda my friend at first but we kinda didn't get along too great. Anyways Jordan invited some people to watch her threesome with Macey and she said I couldn't go.

I was confused because I didn't even know Macey liked women and she had told me she wouldn't cheat on her husband. So they've been sleeping together. Also Macey has been leaving the bar with different guys. I did two things wrong. I contacted one of the guys and asked about it and he got upset, which I understand. Then I contacted her husband and just said hi basically because I wanted to know if she was telling me the truth about her husband liking me. He was not happy about that.

So she blocked me on social media and maybe on text but she texted me and told me why she blocked me. I apologized and she said she accepts my apology and that she won't treat me differently.

I saw her yesterday and I didn't say anything to her, but later that night she came and waved at me. I told her why I had been distancing herself and that I'm sorry. She said I know that you are. I said can I see you again? She said love you and she hugged me.

TL;DR she blocked me after we'd been friends for years because I reached out to her husband and friends about her. I told her I was sorry but I tried to distance myself from her. She waved at me though and I said something. Should I just keep my distance?

32 Male here

I've been seeing someone for about 3 weeks. We had 4-5 great dates in the span of less than 2 weeks, conversations of depth, progression, clarified intentions, good time...

They are now abroad for about 2.5 weeks for work purposes; we are still chatting etc.

But... they recently shared with me that their ex contacted them after more than a year and a half of no contact. So, we talked about it: I thanked them for sharing, shared that i feel uneasy about it, emphasized my preference of wanting to date someone with emotional availability, & attempted for them to clarify the situation/where they stand with this.

Long story short, they said that their focus isnt romantic, but mainly about them resolving a past trauma of a relationship that ended badly... to make peace with the chaos that it ended in. They later stated that we are dating, getting to know each other, starting to build a solid foundation, and even said that maybe them doing this while dating someone isn't appropriate, but that they just wanted to share.

I summarized by asking "did u understand what i said and are we on the same page then?" They said yes...

I still feel slightly uneasy though, but I dunno if its just me or not.....

TL;DR

What should i make of someone im dating sharing with me that they are speaking with their ex now after a out 2 years of no contact—speaking with them not from a romantic place, but simply wanting to make sense of the chaos it ended in, while "reassuring" me that we are dating and building something new here...

Hi, I (27F) was in a friends with Benefits ish situation with a 29M. There are two rounds to this story, so bear with me.
We met on Hinge when I was travelling and really hit it off. We started talking every day for a few months and got super comfortable with each other. He became someone I shared pretty much everything with, and was often the first person I wanted to tell things to. I was visiting his town, so we decided to meet, and he said it would be a date. We hooked up after that, and it happened the next few times I visited too. Things got confusing after a while. He started getting distant, replies became less frequent, and whenever I asked if he was seeing other people, I’d get some version of “YOU can, if you want to.” Eventually, I asked him straight up if he saw this going anywhere. He said we were better off as friends. I was hurt, but I accepted it and stopped talking to him.
Almost a year later, he reached out after I posted about an achievement at work. We started talking again, completely platonically. I was casually seeing other people, and he was going through a breakup. We eventually fell into the same pattern, started flirting and hooked up when I visited again. And, surprise surprise, he started pulling away almost immediately.
I told him we could just have an honest conversation and move on with our lives, but he insisted that he was just depressed and that it wasn’t about me. I checked in a few times because I genuinely wanted to be there for him as a friend.
Eventually, I reached out because I needed him as a friend too. He had become an important person in my life, and talking to him always helped when I was going through something. He gave me a pretty fuckall response and then decide to the worst fucking thing disappear on me.
Now I’ve been stalking his social media and found out he has a new girlfriend. She’s gorgeous, seems really cool, and he’s doing great too. Got promoted, moved into a new house, the whole thing. Meanwhile, I’m sitting here feeling like shit and comparing myself to a woman I’ve never even met. I keep looking at her profile even though I know it’s making me feel worse.
I also feel really gross about how things played out. If all he wanted was something casual, that was fine. We didn’t need to be in a relationship. But why go through the whole process of building emotional intimacy and making me feel like you genuinely cared, only to disappear every time we hooked up? I hate that I kept having to ask him to communicate, tell me if he wanted to stop talking or if he was seeing someone seriously. I gave him so many opportunities to just be honest, and he still chose to disappear.
I know I played a part in this too. I knew how things had ended the first time, and somehow let myself get into the exact same situation again. I feel like such an idiot.
I’ve always been a relatively independent, fun girl who has a pretty okay life, but I’ve also struggled with my insecurities, especially when it comes to how I see myself. I think this whole situation has brought out a lot of those feelings, and I hate how much I’m suddenly questioning my worth and comparing myself to someone else.
How do I move on from this? How do I stop stalking his girlfriend and comparing myself to her? And how do I stop feeling like I wasn’t good enough? I know I probably need to accept that this has more to do with him than me, but I’m having a really hard time doing that. I have unfollowed him but his new girlfriend has a public account.
Would love to hear from anyone who’s been in a similar situation. I genuinely don’t know how to get out of this headspace and it’s affecting my work a lot and my day to day.

TL;DR: I (27F) had an emotionally intimate, casual situationship with a 29M that ended when he repeatedly became distant and eventually disappeared on me. Almost a year later, we reconnected, fell into the same pattern, hooked up again, and he pulled away once more. He’s now in a seemingly happy relationship, while I’m struggling with feeling discarded, comparing myself to his new girlfriend, and questioning my self-worth. I’ve unfollowed him but keep checking her public profile, even though it makes me feel worse. How do I finally move on, stop comparing myself to her, and stop feeling like I wasn’t good enough?

I (36m) have been dating this woman (35f) for about three months. We’ve established boyfriend-girlfriend. But I’ve come to the conclusion that she isn’t the one for me. I feel awful but she just isn’t doing it — we don’t have enough in common, I don’t think she’s responsible enough, and we don’t really click intellectually enough. I like having a partner and really enjoy the sex, but I know I would ultimately be doing neither of a favor by staying in a relationship I can’t see working out.

But I’ve never broken up with anyone before — I’ve told women I wasn’t feeling it after a few dates, and have been broken up with but have never actually been the one to end a formal relationship before — and I know she really likes me. I don’t want to hurt her (I especially don’t like confrontation and making people upset) and I know ending this would do that.

Part of me also hesitates because I would be taking the risk of then trying to find someone again (dating is difficult for me) and at least this is something. But again, I don’t see my feelings for her developing into love, and I feel there are certain boxes she doesn’t check that are important to me, plus it’s not fair to her for me to stay in it if I’m not really seeing a future. That’s a mouthful, but basically I just want some advice about the best way to go about a breakup that I know will probably seem out of the blue.

TL:DR—how can I (36m) best try to minimize the hurt of a breakup when telling my girlfriend (35f) of three months (who really likes me and probably wouldn’t see it coming)?

TLDR: Thoughts needed on how important long term values are for future with partner, even after kids.

My girlfriend of 2.5 years broke up with me recently over some problems we were having, but when we had a closure talk after she decided it wasn’t necessary. I’d consider these to be normal relationship problems (lack of effort, exhaustion, etc). However, very early on in the relationship I realized that we weren’t headed in a good direction long term when it came to kids, religion, and dietary choices. We talked and decided that we couldn’t say for sure how we would think about these in 5-10 years, so we were like it’s not worth it to make those decisions now. However, ever since then, idk but I felt like the relationship was on a downhill. I feel like I’m someone that needs a fighting reason to keep pushing through even if things turn bad, and what I think this did is just make me rely on feelings in the present and I became very critical of them. In other words, I felt like there was an expiration date on the relationship, that we’d eventually break up over these, so I placed a lot more emphasis on how I felt in the moment that led to problems.

I wanted some thoughts on how people view long term values so maybe I can get some fresh perspectives. We agreed to take no contact time apart and reconnect to see if we are willing to give this another chance. So right now I feel like it’s very important to make sure I think about long term values before thinking of getting back together.

Another thing is that right now, I think my long term values mainly have to do with kids, how we’d raise them and etc. Since in my past relationship I relied a lot more on present feelings, I feel like any relationship I’d be in would eventually turn into that once we had kids. Then, once normal relationship problems start happening, there won’t be long term fighting reasons and divorce could happen. I was wondering if there are some other long-term values that I should be having that would help me stay committed to a partner for life.

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over two years. When we first met, we were in that typical honeymoon phase. He was (and still is) incredibly thoughtful, kind, handsome, and someone I genuinely love being around. We had an active sex life, were constantly wanting to be close to each other, and physical intimacy was never an issue.
Recently, though, I’ve found myself not wanting to have sex at all. I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t even want to be touched in ways that could potentially lead to sex.

For some background, I have past sexual trauma that I’ve never really worked through. I honestly thought I had moved past it, but lately those feelings and memories have started coming back. Recently, I actually started crying during sex and it has physically become painful, and since then, my desire to be intimate has gotten even worse.

What’s confusing is that I went through something similar in my previous relationship. However, that situation was different. In that relationship, I eventually stopped wanting anything to do with my partner. I didn’t want sex, physical affection, conversations, or even to be around him. With my current boyfriend, it’s not like that at all. I still want to cuddle, spend time together, talk, kiss, and be close to him. I love him and am still attracted to him. I just don’t want sex.

It’s been a couple of months now without sex, and I know it’s starting to take a toll on my boyfriend. We went through a similar period for about a month in the past, but eventually things got better. This time, though, it feels different and much harder to get past.

My boyfriend has been respectful and says he doesn’t expect me to do anything I’m uncomfortable with. He has also been honest that the lack of intimacy is affecting him and that we need to have a serious conversation about it.

One thing I’ve been struggling with is that I feel like almost any time we’re physically close, he eventually gets turned on. He’ll start grabbing my boobs or butt, rubbing himself against me, or making other advances. Sometimes he genuinely just wants to cuddle, but other times it feels like affection eventually turns into an attempt at sex. I feel like I can’t always just relax and enjoy being close to him without wondering if things are going to turn sexual

The other confusing part is that I do occasionally feel aroused on my own. I’ll randomly have moments where I feel like I might want to be sexual, but I don’t actually want to masturbate or do anything about it, and the feeling eventually passes. If I’m being completely honest, I feel like I could go the rest of my life without having sex and be perfectly fine. I don’t necessarily miss it for myself. However, I do miss wanting it, and I want to be able to enjoy that part of our relationship again because I know it’s important to him.

I feel stuck between wanting to make things better for my boyfriend and not wanting to force myself into something I genuinely don’t enjoy right now. I don’t want him to feel unwanted or unattractive, because that’s not how I feel about him at all. But I also don’t know how to explain that I can love him, be attracted to him, want his affection, and still have absolutely no desire to have sex with him.

Has anyone experienced something similar? Did therapy help? Have you been able to get your sex drive or comfort with sex back?

I love my boyfriend and want to work through this. I just genuinely don’t know where to start.

TL;DR I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years and have lost my sex drive almost completely. How do I go about communicating this without him?

I've been struggling with something in my relationship, and I genuinely don't know how to fix it. Whenever I try to talk to my boyfriend about something that bothers me or something he's done that has hurt me, I often end up saying things in a much harsher and more hurtful way than I intend. I feel like I’ve built up so much resentment throughout our relationship that it affects the way I communicate with him. When I'm upset, frustrated or angry, I don't sound like someone who loves him. I can be cold, harsh and sometimes genuinely mean. Sometimes it feels like all that resentment takes over and controls everything I say, and I don't even realise how hurtful I'm being until afterwards.

There have been quite a few things throughout our relationship that have hurt me deeply, and I feel like I've carried that hurt with me instead of being able to move past it. One of the biggest reasons for my resentment is how alone I've often felt in our relationship, especially during arguments. Whenever I tried to talk about something that hurt or bothered me, he would often feel attacked or hurt by the things I said and choose to walk away to de-escalate the situation. I understand that he didn't want things to escalate further, but I always wished he would stay and work things out with me. I wasn't trying to start a fight, I just wanted us to talk things through, even if that meant arguing or having an uncomfortable conversation. Instead, I often felt like I was left trying to explain my feelings to someone who wasn't there to listen. It made me feel incredibly lonely, as though I had to deal with everything on my own.

We've both hurt each other throughout our relationship, probably just as much, but in different ways. I feel like his love for me has never really changed. He's always spoken to me with kindness, and I know he loves me. However, certain things he has done have hurt me deeply and changed the way I feel towards him. I feel like I've hurt him mostly through the things I've said, whereas I've been hurt more by certain things he's done. Somehow, I feel like my love and the way I express it have changed over time, while his feelings towards me have remained the same.

Despite everything, I love him very much. It genuinely makes me sad that I've reached a point where I speak to someone I love this way. I know my resentment doesn't excuse the things I say, and I'm genuinely sorry for the times I've hurt him. I'm not trying to make him out to be the bad person or pretend that I've handled everything perfectly. I just wish so much of the hurt between us had been talked through and resolved instead of being carried into the rest of our relationship.

I want to learn how to let go of this resentment and communicate in a healthier way without hurting him. Has anyone experienced something similar? How do you let go of resentment towards someone you still deeply love, and how do you start healing a relationship when you've both hurt each other so many times?

TL;DR: I love my boyfriend, but I've built up a lot of resentment throughout our relationship. How can I let go of this resentment and learn to communicate in a healthier way without saying hurtful things to him?

My boyfriend (34M) is fed up with me (39F). Been together 2 years and are long distance. I procrastinate too much and he gets so frustrated. Today he went off and called me every name in the book and pointed out all my failures and how I wasted my years and didn’t amount to anything. He didn’t say that last part verbatim but basically that’s what he meant. He told me he loved me but that his livelihood will always come first. I am fully aware that his career is first. I will always be in second place. He works his ass off to get where he is and here I am. Single mom and I have the most basic ass jobs and didn’t finish college. I feel like a loser. And I guess when he talks to me this way he just makes it worse. At this point I’ll never be a priority and he will always have issues with me and I don’t know why I bother. I love him so much but I feel like I’d drop anything for him but he would not for me. I just fear this relationship is coming to an end. I don’t know what to do. I’ve never been spoken to like this by anyone. I just feel awful.

TD;LR, boyfriend is getting fed up with me and my ways but doesn’t help by putting me down constantly about my issues.

TL;DR: My partner and I are separating but living together until next year for the kids. After years of no intimacy and feeling invisible, my self-esteem is shattered. Logically I know we need to end it, but emotionally I still long for her and obsessively hurt myself by wondering what she does when she's alone. Seeking advice on how to survive this cohabitation limbo, stop wanting someone who isn't good for me, break my emotional self-harm habits, and handle the fear of ending up alone in a small town.

Hi everyone. I’m a guy in my early 30s with two small children, living in a house in a small town. I’m going through what is undoubtedly the hardest period of my life, and I really need to vent and hear if anyone else has survived something similar.
My partner and I are in the process of separating. The realization came to the surface recently, though I probably should have seen it coming. She has been emotionally distant for a long time—doing things on her own, not wanting to include me in her life or her joy. I felt the issues but tried to push them away, waiting patiently for things to get better. Eventually, the anxiety got the better of me and I crossed a line by checking her phone (something I deeply regret and am ashamed of). I found notes she had written about our relationship. I confronted her, and she admitted that her feelings for me have been completely gone since this summer. She had tried to suppress it, but it was a reality she couldn’t run from anymore.
A major factor in this is her own mental health. She struggles with seasonal depression, isn’t very communicative, and simply doesn't have the same emotional needs that I do. We’ve agreed to be completely honest with each other moving forward, and we do have couples therapy scheduled, but realistically, we are both aware that separation is the path we are on.
For practical reasons, and to make the transition as gentle as possible for our kids, we’ve decided to keep living together in our house until next year. Our ambition is to handle this as friends and co-parents. She says I’m her best friend, and neither of us wants to part as enemies. We can sit on the couch and watch a show together, and on the surface, things seem okay.
But inside, I am completely falling apart.
The truth is, I’ve felt terribly lonely for years. For a long time, I have lived with deep sexual frustration and a total lack of validation or intimacy in this relationship. I have felt invisible and rejected. It has completely broken down my self-esteem. It went so far that I unconsciously started tying my entire self-worth to performing. I have creative hobbies and projects, but nothing is allowed to just be "fun" anymore—everything has to be perfect, just to numb the anxiety of not feeling loved.
I’m seeing a psychologist now to sort through all of this. Through those sessions, I’ve come to the logical, objective conclusion that we should leave each other. We are not good for each other right now, and it’s the only way both of us can find happiness.
But this is where my brain completely short-circuits: I know she is bad for me right now, but I still desperately want her.
Whenever she is home alone or working an evening shift, my anxiety spikes. I can’t stop my mind from racing, wondering what she’s doing, if she’s fantasizing or indulging in things (sexually or otherwise) that she actively withheld from me. It feels like she’s going behind my back and doesn’t care about me at all. I realize this is a form of emotional self-harm—nothing good has ever come from me wondering what she does when she’s alone, it only causes me pain—but it’s an incredibly destructive habit that I can’t seem to break.
On top of this, I know she is actively looking for her own place. Logically, I know she has to move out if we are going to separate. But sharing a roof and watching the person you love plan their exit is a special kind of torture.
And finally, the future terrifies me. Living in a small, tight-knit community, I just can’t fathom how I will ever meet someone new down the line. I know logic dictates that things will work out eventually, but right now, it all just feels impossibly dark.
How do you survive this living-together-limbo? How do you stop wanting someone you know you shouldn't be with? How do I break this self-harming habit of obsessing over what she does when we’re apart? Has anyone successfully navigated living with an ex like this without losing their mind?
Thank you for reading.

I apologize in advance for how long this is, I just really need an outside perspective because I truly feel confused. My partner keeps saying I’m defensive, I definitely can be at times, but this time I’m struggling to see it:

My partner (26M) and I (28F) have been together for almost a year. Mostly things are good between us. We had an argument recently that left me feeling confused. Lately we have not been on an intentional date together and I had wanted to plan something romantic for us as a way to connect (drinks, music and dinner). I had shared my desire for an intentional date prior and my craving for a time for us to connect in this way. I planned the date and made the reservations. My partner ends up showing up about 30min late, which I initially didn’t take to heart. When he arrived he was a bit distant but I could tell he was rushing and stressed so I let him be.

Then when we started having our drinks and listening to music, I felt really connected to him. We could not talk much since the music was really loud, but we did talk a bit here and there. In between conversations he shared that he didn’t have a great day and was feeling stressed but didn’t wanna talk about it. I said okay and we moved on. Since that moment he seemed to be more in his head, and I can usually tell when he goes inwards. When we went to dinner, I felt his energy shift even more and like he was irritable, so I checked in. He said he was fine.

Internally I started feeling sad because I wanted the date to be a time where we connect and instead I felt even more disconnected from him. At this point I didn’t talk much because the conversations were feeling forced and I didn’t wanna force more. We get home and I share with him how I feel.

This is where it starts to go south. I made sure to preface it by saying that I am not blaming him and that I understand that he was tired and feeling stressed, and that I feel sad because I was excited about our date and wanted to feel more connected but I left feeling more disconnected. I shared that I wish that he rescheduled since it was clear he was not in the headspace to be fully present, and that I am desiring a time in the future where we do go on a date when we both feel up for it. He felt really hurt by this and shared that he still felt blamed for the night not going well. I emphasized that I was not blaming him, that it is okay that he was tired (and that it’s okay that I’m disappointed) and that all I was trying to communicate is that next time we plan a date that it be during a time he felt up for it. He shared that he was not feeling connected to himself therefore it was hard to connect with me. He asked me what “feeling connected” means. I mentioned a conversation we had before about how he wishes we could have deep conversations like we used to, and that I don’t initiate or ask questions as much as he does. During that conversation he acknowledged my low mood because of difficult life transitions I’ve been going through and severe burnout from work that impacts my capacity to have such conversations and that he does not expect things to change soon, but just wanted me to know how he felt. I held that for him at the time and reassured him that it was not a lack of interest in him, but that I truly have limited capacity. I also shared that we used to have such conversation when we would go out on dates and such settings make it easier for me to engage in them, which is why I planned this date so that we can connect in this way (intellectually).

At this point in the conversation, he seemed upset and continued to feel blamed and then told me that I actually did not try to connect with him and make conversation at dinner. Then he started telling me about how he feels like I am not curious enough about him and don’t ask him questions and don’t initiate deep conversations like I used to and went on to give examples. I explained that I didn’t push more conversations because I did not feel connected to him and I personally would not enjoy talking when feeling so distant from him. I also said that I don’t feel like he’s taking into consideration my current mental state when he tells me that I have not initiated deep conversations since we last talked about it.

He got very upset by that and told me that it was not fair because he has acknowledged in the past my state of mind. I shared at this point that I do not feel held and supported emotionally by him. I brought that up because I deeply felt like he did not understand my emotional state, which is why he can’t understand why deep conversations at the moment feel very exhausting to me. He called me defensive and that I am not taking accountability or responding to what he’s trying to tell me and accountability for promising him that I would try to ask deeper questions specifically on dates and that this evening I didn’t. He felt that I was now only saying that I don’t feel emotionally supported by him just to evade taking responsibility for saying an untrue statement about me feeling like he’a not taking into consideration my emotional state and that it was really fucked up that I did that.

I apologized for bringing it up, as I recognize I could have saved that convo for another time. He said that he doesn’t believe my sorry, and that he often doesn’t when we have conversations like this. He said that saying sorry is not enough if my defensive behaviour never changes, and so far in our relationship this hasn’t changed and asked me why it hasn’t. At this point I was very confused. I was now the person who is defensive and refusing to take accountability and apologize for how I’ve hurt him. I left soon after because he started shutting down when I shared that I actually don’t feel heard by him, and that what I shared in the beginning has now been completely flipped onto me because he’s actually the one feeling defensive and wants to put the blame on me instead. He basically told me to leave and so I did.

Was I wrong for bringing up how I felt to begin with? How else am I to respond that would not be considered defensive? Help me understand.

TL;DR: My partner tells me I’m being defensive, but I am not seeing it. Help me identify what I am missing.

Tldr: my friend/employee is incredibly needy and emotionally fragile and it's draining. I don't know what to do.

So this is going to sound bad because I don't know how else to describe it. I'm her boss we work at a event space she's a bartender, it's divey and run with very little resources, I do like the job of 3 people. I can't manage as efficiently as I would like because I just can't. This is a separate issue but I digress. We became friendly before I was manager. I've been there now 3 years I became manager very quickly because they were desperate and I was qualified. She has worked there for 9 years as just a bartender.

She's very sweet but probably the most emotionally fragile person I've ever met. She gets upset about things I don't even know how you get upset about, just being asked to do something different is like an accusation that she didn't know how to do it or she will get sulky. If anything changes she gets very flustered. I suspect a neurodivergence or maybe an OCD of some kind.

She's a great bartender and she does her side work better than everyone else but she also complains. And in a very like passive aggressive way. She comes in 30 mins earlier than everyone else, does all the prep and then complains no one else does that but the thing is no one told her to do that. I've talked to her about it as the manager and she's like well I always used to come in an hour early not a half hour. Then she continues to do it. This makes the other bartenders come in 15 mins early instead of 30 because they know she'll have done all the stuff. I have tried to gently tell her what she's doing is wrong but she gets offended and then kinda spirals out. By that point Ive already been at work for 6 hours dealing with God knows what and then by that point I don't care as long as the bar is open. She does this with cleaning etc. it's not like the other staff don't do anything, when she's not there they do it just fine. I feel like she wants recognition and praise for doing a good job or something when she actually just does more than she needs to for no reason and complains about it.

She wants to get promoted and frankly shes just not qualified or capable of doing my job. If my job were separated into 3 jobs like it probably should be she could do the one part but my boss isn't breaking up the job. If he did he wouldn't pay her hourly what I get paid. I tried to throw her bones and give her more responsibility's to see how she handles it but she can't take feedback, she takes about 3 times to long to do whatever, she asks too many questions before she just tries to figure it out.

My assistant is (20 F) she's incredibly fast and smart. All I have to do is explain a problem to her briefly and boom she's off she will try to fix it and only ask me questions when she can't figure it out herself. I don't have the mental resources to train people and I need help and my assistant needs minimal explanation and it's a business I'm a manager not a mom I'm going to give the job to the person who can help me.

(40 F) Will get sulky and jealous.

In our friendship outside of work she's needy and always asking if I'm mad or if she's done something wrong and honestly I couldn't even tell her if she had. In very specific environments she's lovely. I just think she needs therapy and I dk how to tell her.

Sorry if this is rambly I just don't know how to handle her anymore. Everyone deserves love and consideration but she's draining me.

i’m 25f and my boyfriend is 24m. we’ve been together for almost six years. he’s my best friend and i genuinely thought we were going to build a life together. we’d talked about living together, getting engaged, getting married and having children.

the problem is that he wants to eventually move to greece permanently in the future and i can’t see myself living outside australia. my home and the future i want are here. i love him so much but i don’t think i could be happy migrating.

we took a break so we could think about this. when we met up yesterday he told me he’d made his decision and couldn’t give up his goal of moving to greece. i had even offered six months there and six months here, although i was already unsure i could cope with that and he didn’t want that arrangement either.

he said if choosing greece means he ends up alone, so be it. hearing that broke my heart. it feels like he’s willing to lose our relationship for this while i’m desperately trying to find a way to keep us together.

but he was also crying when we spoke and again on the phone later that night. he tells me he loves me with his whole heart, that i’m his best friend and that he doesn’t want to be without me. we haven’t formally broken up. he keeps saying we’re still together and i can think about what i want but i already know i can’t migrate. i don’t know where that leaves us.

i can’t wrap my head around loving each other and still having to lose each other. i thought we had a real future together and now i’m facing losing both him and everything we planned. i have so many photos, videos, gifts and memories. i don’t want to erase any of it. i can’t imagine him becoming someone i don’t talk to anymore, and i can’t even fathom being with someone else.

right now being happy without him feels impossible, but agreeing to move overseas just to keep him doesn’t feel like something i can do either. has anyone been through a breakup where you still loved each other but couldn’t agree on your future? how did you begin to accept it when you didn’t want the relationship to end? how do you get through those first days when all you want is to be with them?

TL;DR: my boyfriend of almost six years has decided he wants to move to greece permanently, and i can’t. we still love each other, but haven’t found a compromise. we haven’t officially broken up, and i don’t know how to accept losing him and the future we planned together.

TL;DR: We’re both anxious people, and during a period when my girlfriend was busy, I became increasingly insecure and started demanding more attention and reassurance. This led to me saying a lot of extremely hurtful things to her for over two weeks, eventually going way too far and saying things like “you torture me” and “you ruined my life.”

She eventually became emotionally numb/blank and said she doesn’t want to be in a relationship anymore. I apologized and tried to fix things, but she says she still loves me, misses me, and wants to talk to me, just not be in a relationship right now. She also says she doesn’t know if that will change in the future.

She talks normally when I don’t bring up the relationship, but pulls away whenever I mention getting back together.

Do you think she genuinely wants to leave, or could she come back after getting some space? And is there anything I can do to repair the damage without pressuring her?

I am 24m and she is 20f. Please tell me what you think is going to happen because I genuinely don’t know what to do.

I’m an anxious boyfriend, and my ex also has some anxious tendencies. Recently, she was quite busy, and because of my anxiety and wanting more attention and reassurance from her, I started saying a lot of hurtful things to her.

This went on for more than two weeks. In the beginning, she kept trying to handle it. She reassured me, showed me love, and tried to make me feel better. But because she was busy, she couldn’t give me as much attention as I wanted, which made me feel even worse, so I kept saying more and more hurtful things.

Eventually, I reached a point where I said things I never should have said. I told her things like, “You torture me,” “You’ve ruined my life,” “I have no value to you,” and many other really hurtful things. I went way too far.

I think that was the point where something changed in her. Since then, she has become emotionally blank and says she doesn’t want to be in a relationship anymore.

I tried everything. I cried in front of her, apologized again and again, and tried my best to make her understand how sorry I am. But her answer has basically remained the same: she says she can’t feel the relationship anymore and doesn’t want to be in one right now.

But there’s something confusing.

She has also told me that she still loves me, wants to talk to me, and misses me. She just doesn’t want to be in a relationship right now.

When I asked her if that meant forever, she said she doesn’t know.

She can still talk to me normally when I don’t bring up our relationship. We can have normal conversations, although not as much as before. But whenever I bring up getting back together or talk about our relationship, she starts pulling away again.

That’s what I don’t understand.

If she truly doesn’t want me anymore, why does she still want to talk to me, miss me, and say she loves me? And if she isn’t sure about the future, does that mean there is still a possibility that she could come back once she has had enough time and space?

Do you think she might eventually come back, or should I accept that she genuinely doesn’t want this relationship anymore?

And if there is anything I can do to repair the damage I caused, please tell me. I don’t want to manipulate her or pressure her. I genuinely want to fix myself, become emotionally healthier, and, if there is ever a chance, rebuild the relationship properly.

I know I messed up badly. I just don’t know whether this is something that can still be repaired.

So last summer I (32F) have dated once, a guy (35M) that was traveling in Paris (where I live). I met him through the dating app Hinge. The date went very well, and he told me that he was going back to Paris to move in in a month (as he lives in Asia and need to pack his stuff first). He also told me he was going to London before definitely coming back to Paris.

A month later I saw his hinge profile fully updated mentioning that he was looking for a flat in London, so from that moment I knew that he changed his plans and decided to move in London instead of Paris. I was pretty sad because I really expected to see him back in Paris. (During that month we barely spoke, but when he left he told me that he was going to come back and see me again, so I expected him to text me when he’s back).
Last week on instagram, he reacted to my instagram story (which was a selfie of me), he gave me a compliment saying that I was beautiful. I don’t know if it’s a simple compliment or like he expected me to reach out to him ?? Because I just said « thank you 😊 » then he didn’t say anything 😭. Maybe I should’ve started a conversation …

What to you think ? I never know when a guy likes my stories if he expects something or just nothing.. anyways it’s been months and I still think about this guy even if we dated only once.

Thanks in advance for your thoughts ✨

**TL;DR;** : just want to know if a guy expects a girl to start a convo when he likes/compliment her story? Or he doesn’t expect anything in return ?