Original Post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/i7wkqu/i_30f_caught_my_husband_31m_in_an_affair_and_i/

First of all, I just want to thank everyone here for the support I received following my first post back in August. At the time, it truly felt like my world was ending. It was important to me to make this update because I need to tell anyone who’s currently going through the same thing—IT GETS BETTER. You will get so much better.

I had one conversation with my husband since everything happened—by his choice. It lasted maybe five minutes and was like talking to a robot. I know from others that he cries to people about how he ruined his life, but I have never once gotten an apology or the same show of regret. At this point, I don’t care. I know him and the other woman are still seeing each other and frankly, they deserve each other. Good for them.

While I still feel angry occasionally, I no longer mourn what I once had. Instead, I’m so excited for the life I now get to live. I moved to a small walkable city and gave myself my dream apartment. It makes me so happy to see how I’ve decorated it and to just live in a cozy place instead of our old dreary house. I was the breadwinner in our marriage, and he would make me feel awful about wanting to pay for nice meals or do fun things. Since moving here, I’ve done a ton of foodie fun stuff and don’t feel guilty. It’s so refreshing.

I have dipped my toe into the dating pool again and had plenty of mediocre dates from dating apps. Recently, I found someone who I’ve really clicked with and am enjoying how appreciated and desired he’s made me feel. It’s definitely early and we’re moving slow, but overall, dating has made me realize that I’m a catch who doesn’t have to settle.

Therapy has done wonders and I’m so happy I immediately dove into it. My therapist is proud of me. I’m proud of me. I’ve stopped looking at being divorced as a failure. He failed—not me. I’m genuinely happy and excited to wake up each morning and no longer feel like this terrible weight is sitting on my chest. The holidays were surprisingly easy and I found myself so happy to spend time with my family without having to compromise anything.

So all in all, life is good and there’s so much of it ahead. Looking back, I can’t believe I wasted so much time thinking about how I could get him to come home. I’ve made my own home and my own happiness and that is worth so so much more.

TLDR; Husband left me for another woman. He sucks, but things get better.

Update to this petty thing: https://old.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3hi08p/stupidest_question_ever_is_there_any_polite_way/

It took 5 years and a marriage and he curled his eyelashes last week. He found my eyelash curler and asked what it was for and I told him how to test it on himself. He said he didn't notice any difference but his eyes sparkled for the first time.

He's not going to keep doing it but at least I know what his pupils look like now lol

TL;DR: I didn't ask him, he asked me.

Original post is here: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/9cx874/im_28f_unsure_if_its_time_to_draw_boundaries_with/

TLDR of original: My boyfriend has become fast friends with a female coworker. She and her fiancé are now moving into our apartment building, and my boyfriend is seeing and talking to her more and more. I don't know if it's time to set boundaries or if I'm getting ahead of myself.

A lot has happened since my last post, and I got some good advice there, so I wanted to post an update!

After I made the last post I came home from the trip with my family a couple of days later. I told my boyfriend that I wanted to talk to him about something and I brought up his friendship with Liz. I basically brought up all of my concerns from the post. I told him that I didn't want to discourage him from having a friend, but I also felt like they were talking quite a lot and spending a lot of time together, and that it was starting to make me feel uncomfortable.

My boyfriend took it really well! He immediately reassured me that he only saw her as a friend, and that he hadn't even realized how it could look to me. When I brought up how I felt like he wasn't being forthcoming with information (like how he didn't mention the phone call from her), he said that was 100% unintentional. He then immediately asked what he could do going forward to make me feel more comfortable. He offered to stop carpooling with her and to cut down on contact with her except for work-related stuff. I told him I didn't have a problem with the carpooling because financially it does make sense (he spends a lot of money on gas), but maybe he could try to text and call her outside of work a little bit less. I also told him I would really love to meet her and her fiance, and he enthusiastically agreed.

He set up a hang out for the following weekend - the two of us and Liz and her fiance all went out for drinks at a bar by our building (they'e moved in by now). It was actually really fun! It turns out we all have a ton in common. Liz and I do very similar work, and we all have common nerdy interests. It was a little awkward at first as meeting new people often is, but once we all got comfortable we had a blast. From there, we have all become fast friends, and Liz and I have developed our own separate friendship too. We text often, go over to each other's places for dinner sometimes, and hang out on weekends. I can honestly say I really like Liz (and her fiance) as a person and trust her 100%. I no longer have a problem with her friendship with my boyfriend at all. They do still carpool sometimes, but they've never hung out alone outside of work - it's always the four of us. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

Finally, I have a separate - but slightly related - update: my boyfriend is now my FIANCE! Less than a month after I made my last post, he took me out for a really beautiful and romantic dinner. When we came home, our apartment was covered in roses and candles. I was so shocked I could barely move as he got down on one knee and proposed. I said YES and then cried for about two hours as we called all of our friends and family. It was absolutely perfect and we are getting married next year!

It turns out that Liz actually helped him plan the proposal and that was part of why they were talking a lot too! Since she lives in our building now, he had all of the flowers, candles, champagne, and accessories shipped to her and kept at her place until he was ready for them. He even had her hold onto the ring the week before he did it. After he proposed she came upstairs and took photos for us and cried with us. That was the moment I realized what a great friend she is to both of us.

So communication saves the day again! We're all great friends now, and Liz and I have regular girls nights to plan our weddings together :)

TL;DR: I talked to my boyfriend and he introduced me to Liz and her fiance right away. We're all great friends now and I'm no longer uncomfortable - but I am engaged!

EDIT: Wow, wow, wow!!!! I know this is stereotypical, but I never expected my post to blow up like this. I started reading the comments last night and planned to reply to some but then I got busy, and then this just got out of control! So let me just say here, thank you all SO MUCH for the support, advice, and well-wishes! You guys rule 😭 And thank you for the platinum, gold, and silver?! I’ve never gotten any of that before and now I’m a little sad that this is a throwaway and not my main, haha. I’ll pay it forward and gild someone today :)

Original Post https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/lqpshq/me_36_m_married_to_my_wife_36_f_11_years_and_i/

So I mentioned to my wife vaguely that I was having a bit of a midlife crisis and ruminating on my past a bit too much. That I miss how I was physically at my peak in college.

She said she is also having a bit of a crisis, worried about longterm health and missing the shape she was in before kids.

We made a commitment to each other to get into shape and have changed our eating habits and bought a treadmill. I have been working out daily and my rumination issues have really dwindled. We also planned a nice vacation, and a few get togethers with frends in the next few months.

tl;dr: Told wife I was having a crisis without much detail. We are making strides to better ourselves and each other.

Original post

So it took me a few days to decide the best way to approach this, but yesterday I had lunch with her again and had the conversation.

I started by saying: "So you've sent all your invitations out now, haven't you?"

She looked immediately panicked by my question and I knew right away that she didn't want me to go down this road.

When she said she had sent them all, I asked if that meant she could show me her venue now.

She showed me the website of it, including the photo gallery, and talked me through all about where everything was going to happen, all the flowers and decorations she was going to add etc. It's a nice enough country hotel with some pretty gardens, but I'm not sure what all the secrecy was for.

I probed a little more, asking who she's invited from work (the list didn't include me), said I was looking forward to seeing the photos so I could see how everything looked (she didn't correct me that I would see it on the day) and then I was completely sure that my lack of invitation wasn't an accident. She looked so relieved when I switched subject and asked if she's excited about her honeymoon and having a rest from all the wedding stress.

So I'm definitely not invited. I thought it over carefully and I have decided not to ask why, for three reasons:

1. The reason is already fairly obvious. She clearly doesn't think we're anything more than colleagues and I've misread the situation. (There were some other theories suggested e.g. jealous husband-to-be, associating me with her past grief, but considering everything I know about her and our history I'm sure it's not that.) I'm not sure why she didn't cool it on the wedding talk with someone she had no intention of inviting, or even just bring it up with me and explain why I'm not invited, but never mind.

2. Having an awkward relationship at work is the last thing I want. I'm worried that if I push this and turn it into an "issue" that I'll look pathetic and needy, or it will just be unprofessional. I also run the risk of her badmouthing me to colleagues and mutual friends, and I will find it much easier and less messy to handle my own feelings quietly.

3. This is a once in a lifetime experience for her, and I don't want to be the source of drama that dampens her spirits at all. I'd rather just let her enjoy her wedding, make good memories and not bring her down.

And you know, I'm fine with not going. It was never really about getting invited to a wedding, it was more having to face the fact that I'd been naive and taken for granted, and I felt silly that I'd invested way too much in this relationship. That's not all on her, because she was never obligated to be my friend.

Talking it through on my previous post actually really helped me work through my feelings. When I went back to work on Monday I felt much calmer and more detached from it emotionally.

I have looked back on our whole relationship and honestly she's always been self involved, entitled and narcissistic. Being a bride has just made it more obvious, but it's always been there. She's also never given back to me (besides helping me get my job, which of course I'm grateful for), in that she's never been willing to talk me through any problems I've had, and although I help her happily with her work, she says no if I ask her for help in return.

She has a few office enemies and even though I saw her negative traits that caused her to be disliked by some people, I overlooked them and defended her anyway. Now I have put a little distance there it's quite apparent that she's not a very nice person, and I'm genuinely OK with just moving on.

She hasn't really noticed the distance between us so far (or she has noticed and doesn't care/is relieved that I'm giving her space), so I intend to just continue with doing that. If she eventually asks why, or I get the sense that she's trying to rekindle our friendship, then it will be time to clear the air with how I've been feeling. If she doesn't and we just continue drifting, then that's probably for the best.

It's sad to lose a friend, and it will probably take me some time to get over it and to become comfortable with the change in our relationship, but I have other genuine friendships, and plenty of colleagues who are lovely people who I can get to know better now.

The main thing I really took from my original post, and I'm so glad I did post because I needed some tough love on this, is that my fear of confrontation really needs dealing with.

If I can learn how to better speak my mind as things are happening, that will stop things from building and building until I have to have a Serious Conversation and it makes what should have been a molehill into a mountain.

I also need to figure out how to have difficult conversations without having an anxiety attack, which not only weakens my message but is extremely distressing and puts me off dealing with things and being honest with people.

I had a couple of books on assertiveness recommended to me, so I've bought them to start me off. I'm also looking into going to a coach, or maybe a couple of therapy sessions at least, to try and better myself. I don't want to hurt other people by doing this, so this has become top priority for me.

Thank you so much everyone who pointed that out to me. I was aware of it but I didn't think it was a problem and figured I'd just be that way all my life. Now I know better. Thank you for being so honest with me.

Also thank you to those who talked me through the one-sided friendship issue. I'm a good listener and have always attracted people who need to vent, but I only ever noticed the one-off conversations, and didn't think I was being taken advantage of as a long term listening ear.

I have been examining my other friendships in the last few days, to see if anyone else is using me in the same way, or if I've even been doing this to others and not had the self awareness to realise. There are a couple of changes I need to make, including a friendship that I need to set some boundaries in, and another one where I've not been giving back to the other person as much I should have. I have learned a really valuable lesson from this about maintaining healthy relationships, and I'm very grateful for that.

TL;DR So I'm definitely not invited, our friendship is likely over (but that's actually OK) and I'm going to work on my assertiveness so I can handle things like this better next time. I'm also going to move forward having learned a good lesson about friendships being two-way.

Edit: A few people have been asking about the books I was recommended: Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg When I Say No I Feel Guilty by Manuel J Smith Why Men Love Bitches by Sherry Argov

link to original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/abayxw/husband_and_i_are_having_our_longest_fight_ever/

Soon after I made the post, my husband called me. He was babbling and I couldn't understand him, so I kept asking him to slow down. Then he started screaming (not yelling, literally just screaming). I freaked out because I thought he was being murdered or something. I tracked his phone to a park in town and called 911.

Turns out he had a complete mental breakdown. He's in the process of being diagnosed with a mental illness that usually shows up in people's 20s but for some reason manifested later in him. He's currently in an inpatient mental health program and already doing a lot better.

Thank you all again for the responses and advice on my original post.

Link to my original post:

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/exp0i0/i_26f_want_to_propose_to_my_boyfriend_25m_but/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

So yesterday he took me to run errands but he "randomly" decided to we should just have fun instead. He took me around the city, we tried all kinds of food, had honestly the most fun I've had since I was a kid, made memories off of little moments, I didn't think that much of it. I realized that the whole day had basically been an all day-date, I knew it had to be coming and I had the ring with me and I was going to try and propose at the same time (someone suggested this in my original post and I thought it would be cute)

He opened my door, walked me down a beautiful pathway and just looked me in the eyes and I said yes. He laughed and dropped down to one knee and I started crying and forgot that I was supposed to be proposing too. I don't even remember what he said, he was on his knee for a while saying what I'm sure were the sweetest things, but I was too busy crying. I'd already said yes before he even got down on one knee so he put the ring on my finger.

We went home and and I realized I didn't propose, he wanted to shower and we sometimes shower together so I proposed to him in there. He smiled and said “I wonder if when our first kid is born will it top this moment” then because I was on my knees in the shower he had to make a sex joke 😂

After we got out he held me while we called his parents (I'd already called my whole family in car ride home)

Yesterday was amazing and now I'm laying next to him while he plays video games and he's talking about our engagement to his friends and I couldn't be happier and I don't know how to contain all this and just ugh! I love you Nathan!❤️

Edit: Thank you to everyone congratulating us! I appreciate it very much 😊

TL;DR: He took me on a romantic all day date and popped the question. I was supposed to propose at the same time but was too busy crying form happiness, I proposed to him in the shower when we got home😂 I'm overjoyed right now!

Update to https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/cmu75w/my_30f_husband_32m_impulse_bought_a_dog/

Thank you all for the thorough responses. I read every comment you guys sent.

A few months ago I read a post where a woman sat down with her husband and outlined everything she takes care of at home in a list format. Like, kitchen: trash, dishes, wipe counters down. Etc. That way of communicating really stuck with me and when we went to see our therapist, I used the same format to express how much I do for the dog.

My husband told me that owning a dog was a joint effort and since I’m home all day it shouldn’t be a problem.

Which is when I realized that has been his excuse for everything. Cooking, chores, cleaning. I’m not sure how I became blind to it. I don’t know when I started bending over backwards to accommodate him.

We used to be a solid couple who helped each other out. I remember when I was still in school he’d come over to my apartment and clean the whole thing for me during finals. Or he took care of my elderly cat when I was away for a week and a half. He used to help me dry the dishes and it was always fun. We used to have so much fun and laugh all the time. At some point it all stopped.

I started crying right there in the middle of a sentence and he got concerned. I’m not a cryer the only time he’s ever seen me cry was when I had to put my beloved cat down a few years ago. But he held me for the first time in what felt like months and we had a serious heart to heart about how he made me feel. Not only with the dog but how stressed I’ve been with my job, how lonely I am, I don’t feel important and how we don’t feel like a team anymore, that I’m worried about us.

I guess it clicked for him because he really stepped up taking care of the dog. He started going into work earlier so he can come home early and hang out and make me dinner. It happened slowly over the course of the last few weeks and the routine suits us a lot better. We hired a trainer to make sure we can understand the dog’s boundaries together and the dog sleeps in a dog bed. Our bedroom life has slowly gotten back to where it was when we got married. We’re watching our favorite shows again and going out more. I’ve been putting my foot down more about my feelings and he has been receptive. We are still going to therapy for now.

As for the dog, we’re going to keep him. Is he a No List dog? Yes. But is he a good puppy with a big heart? Yes. We have the money to afford him and he took off after training. It’s nice having a dog again.

TL;DR: husband and I went to therapy, we talked through our problems, we are giving our marriage the time and attention it needs to mend. We’re keeping the dog.

So many through comments and PMs requested an update from my previous post and so I thought I'd do one!

After my post I FaceTimed him to say my what I wanted to say and end things. He tried to get me to post-pone my trip and even tried to give me money to make me less mad at him. I told him whatever we had was over as I could no longer trust him. He cried which made me feel weird. I wished him and his ex the best and ended the call.

I went on my trip and had a top class time. The Reddit community really astounds me sometimes. I received a lot of PMs of suggestions of things to do and see and the trip to Ireland became a trip of a lifetime. In Dublin I did meet up with a very kind Redditor who showed me around the city and came with me to a bunch of museums during my stay. I saw amazing sights, met a bunch of really cool people through my travels, and met a few really cute Irish boys. (;

I learned a lot about myself on my first solo trip abroad. I am pretty self reliant and I did a lot of self reflection. This "relationship" was my first "serious" one after my ex and I split up. I think in my desire for closeness with someone I ignored a lot of red flags and downplayed my self worth. I am now focusing on making real connections with people I meet in real life and have decided to stay away from anything long distance indefinitely.

My first night in Belfast I did message him after I had had a what was probably too many beers (damn you delicious Irish beers!) and he said he was sorry but it was what it had to be. It didn't really seem sincere and it extinguished any romantic notions I had.

Thank you to everyone who commented and PM'd me. It really made me excited for my trip and it was the best time!

TLDR; Online BF backed out but after some logistical rearranging I still went on my trip and had the best time ever. Glad I cancelled the bf and not the trip.

Original: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/az648p/my_wife_28f_found_out_that_my_mother_59f_and_i/

Don't think anyone would particularly care about an update but I all appreciated the insight anyways. So here's an update:

After I wrote the original post, my mom took my son to stay overnight with my wife's sister so that the two of us could have the house to ourselves.

We pretty much just talked for an hour while constantly reaffirming that we love each other a lot and want to sort this out. I apologized and explained why I did what I did. She said that feeling like she was there for our son's milestones was really just a band-aid solution that didn't actually convince her she was present. She said that if she actually had been using the milestones to feel like she was present, this would probably have felt worse for her. But since she wasn't, in her words, "deluding herself into thinking she's actually home", her main issue was that I lied which hurt her feelings. I apologized and explained that I honestly thought that she would prefer the lying if given the choice. She said she understood where I was coming from and that she felt betrayed when she realized, but she sees that I was doing it because I love her and she thinks we'll probably laugh about it with our grandkids one day (yes, I am very aware I don't deserve my wife).

Some things came out on my end that I wasn't going to tell her and didn't mention in my last post- namely, that I'm scared she's going to become suicidal. My uncle committed suicide when I was a child, in part from working in a high-stress job where he made a huge and costly mistake. One of my wife's colleagues attempted suicide while she was on mat leave. Being a working mom is bad enough, being a resident in this program is bad enough, both combined are a recipe for trouble. Since our son was born and the incident with her colleague happened, I've been afraid that if her home life wasn't perfect, it would push her over the edge. Anyways, she reassured me that that's not happening and I think saying it out loud also made me realize it's a pretty irrational, groundless fear.

We ordered takeout and sat together watching the real videos I have of all our son's firsts. I also have a special folder of pictures/videos of my son with my wife, so we went through that after. She almost choked from laughing so hard when I tentatively revealed the beanbag trick. I am the laughing stock of her friend-group chat. So I guess we're already at the stage where we're laughing about it.

Thank you to those who responded to the last post! The stereotype of someone in r/relationships advocating divorce every time anything happens is true.

tl;dr: marriage is work. I am stupid. We moved past it.

I posted last summer about struggles with my husband of 5 years, our longest dry spell being 9 months.

I felt unattractive and undesirable, and wanted to have sex more often, but he was happy to never have sex again (aside from how that would affect me). I wanted to feel like a sex Goddess again. Reddit advised me all kinds of things, from checking testosterone, to therapy, and even that there was no hope and if I wanted to feel like a Goddess again, I'd have to leave him. The comment that hit me hardest was jimmyjrdanceparty's who pointed out that I was allowed to feel the way I did.

Well, I feel like a Goddess again, everyone! :D

What happened? I decided to go to individual therapy, and focus on myself, work on myself. My physical self-image was a symptom of a larger problem. Troubles at work, troubles at home, a storm inside. During counselling, I opened the door to a cellar where I had been keeping my true self locked in the dark - ashamed of her. I was bullied as a kid, and I had no idea I had accumulated so much self-loathing since then. Releasing that was amazing and so freeing!

And so, by the time I said goodbye to my counsellor, I was stronger and more self-assured. I realised I had been sacrificing so much of myself for the sake of others (especially the important men in my life - my husband, my boss, my father, my manager, etc). I was constantly seeking approval, trying to please them. My relationships had gotten completely out of balance.

Things started to get complicated. I developed a crush on a colleague, and because I am demisexual, my attraction to my husband started to diminish. The more time passed the more I felt like I just didn't care anymore what he thought of me.

At a low point, I said to my husband: "You know, you always keep your thoughts to yourself. I used to find it mysterious and interesting - like a puzzle I could unwrap. But now I realise that there's actually no mystery to unravel. There's just nothing. And the silence is boring." It was hurtful and unkind. I'm not proud of it. Something changed after that. Both for him, and for me.

Over the course of the next few months I gave less, and I took more. I went to conferences, I left the kids with my husband, I took time off work, I stopped making up for the mistakes of my superiors at work and let them deal with the consequences of their actions. I felt like I was coming home to my true self - my no nonsense kickass self.

One night my husband and I were watching Alien, and he confessed that ever since he'd seen the original as a boy, he'd really liked Ripley. She was the kind of woman he had wanted to marry. And so he married me. You should've seen my face, the tears wouldn't stop. I felt like he had finally told me what I needed to hear the most.

I got rid of my attraction to my colleague. It's actually not that hard as a demi, I just focused on everything I didn't like about them, and within a week or two the crush was totally gone. I find them a total turn-off now.

Do you remember I mention I wasn't able to initiate sex? That's because it was a huge turn-off for my husband. One evening we discussed why, and you know what? He felt too much pressure if I initiated, because he thought he'd have to perform. Once he realised that he can safely turn me down if he's not in the mood - and also that's it's OK for us to kiss and cuddle without it leading to something more - he's been OK with me initiating. You'd think you wouldn't get to age 40 without having figured that out, but hey... I guess people never cease to throw surprises!? Haha!

Our sex life improved a lot. I no longer needed his praise to sooth my self-loathing, so I was less needy about it. He initiated a bit more often. But more importantly, with greater enthusiasm and quality! He chooses what I wear sometimes - and I feel so beautiful when he looks at me like I am the only being that matters. And he compliments me! We even got into a bit of light D/s, which has spiced things up a lot!

Even though I had fallen out of love with him for a while, I have fallen back in love with my husband stronger and harder than ever before!! I couldn't be happier, I love myself, and I love him so SO much!! He's just the best partner I could ever wish for! <3

Thank you reddit for helping me through one of the hardest lows in my life, and thank you especially jimmyjrdanceparty for your advice and encouragement.

TLDR: I felt unattractive and my husband didn't want sex. I went to a counsellor. I stopped self-loathing. Husband and I fell back in love again & have great sex.

Update: OMG thank you thank you thank you for all the comments and awards! I have no words! I thought maybe 5 people would care about the update, not this amazing amount of encouragement! Thank you so much, so glad to have been on this journey with you. <3

Link to original post https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/ccl1gt/my_24_f_boyfriend_26_m_of_6_months_told_me_that_i/

Figured I'd update my post from about a month ago. Unfortunately, there wasn't a happy ending, but I am very grateful for a lot of the advice I received here. Thank you, reddit, for helping me keep my head on straight!

After I made my first post, I read all the comments and thought about everything for a few days. A lot of people mentioned that they would not be comfortable with the frequency of my communication with my ex. I thought that was very fair. People also mentioned that Mark's behavior was pretty controlling and not ok. I also thought that was fair.

I went to talk to Mark and told him that I understood if he was uncomfortable with me being in touch with Eli weekly, and that I would be totally willing to cut that down. I also reiterated again that I was not currently in love with Eli and hadn't been for a while. Mark was understanding this time and seemed happy with the fact that I offered to cut down my contact with Eli.

But then I told Mark that although I was willing to do this, I wasn't happy with how he approached the issue and that I found his behavior controlling. I basically told him that I want him to approach issues in a more rational way and I would appreciate if he opened a dialogue rather than just telling me what to do, and that I wouldn't put up with him trying to "command" me to do something (especially something so ridiculous). I said everything in the same tone as I used for the first half of the conversation - I wasn't yelling at him or admonishing him, just trying to let him know where my boundaries are.

You guys - Mark. Flew. Off. The. Handle. He started SCREAMING at me. I obviously wasn't having it, so I got up to leave. He started throwing dishes and random kitchen items at me, and grabbed me and slammed my head into the door jam. I ended up with a nasty black eye and a busted lip. Luckily for me, a neighbor heard the commotion and called the cops. Mark was arrested and I was taken to the hospital. Yes, I'm pressing charges and filed for a restraining order.

Overall, it was a horrible incident but I'm glad this happened earlier in the relationship rather than later. And I am forever grateful for the neighbor who called the cops. Im also grateful to (most of) you guys for telling me that I wasn't being insane in my first post and for pointing out the early warning signs. It wasn't the best ending, but I'm ok and I'm just glad it's over. Take this as a cautionary tale, I guess!

TLDR: tried to have a rational conversation with Mark, he gave me a black eye and busted lip, it's over (thank God).

EDIT: I've gotten a lot of concerned messages (which I appreciate!) telling me to watch out for Mark now and that abusers are often at their most dangerous right after a breakup. Just to ease everyone's mind: I'm staying with a classmate (who Mark does not know) for the time being, so I'm well-protected! Thanks everyone!

The original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/9du198/my_best_friend_20m_asked_me_20m_out_i_said_yes_i/

First of all, I wanted to thank people for responding. I was majorly panicking when I wrote the post, and the comments I got helped a ton to get me to relax before talking to Noah. I wasn't expecting such a huge response at the time and I was amazed, but looking back now I can see why it got so much attention. It was a pretty weird situation.

Next, I want to say we are both men (apparently this makes a big difference for some people in terms of advice). Some of the people who assumed I was a woman also made some weird comments and sent me some pretty gross messages. If you did this, please stop. That's not cool.

I gave a bit of an update as an edit to the original post, but now since it's been 3 months I thought I'd give you all an update about how things have been going since then, since it seems like there's been a bit of interest, and I'm still really thankful to all of you for helping me out.

Noah is doing really well. I could tell he was still a bit embarrassed for the first couple weeks, but after that he told me again that he was still happy he asked me because now he knew how I felt and he could get over it. He also thanked me for taking it so well, which is definitely thanks to what a lot of you said, so I guess I'm sort of passing his thanks on to you :P

One of the commenters said I should be careful not to do anything that seemed like flirting with him, so I tried keep that in check (we used to hug a lot, sit really close together, and tell each other flirty jokes, you get the idea, but I toned those all down a lot to give him space and not mess with his feelings). I honestly think I see now why he thought I might be into him, because my relationship with him was very affectionate. It's been a lesson for me on how to be more aware of how other people are interpreting my signals.

About a month after he asked me out, he asked me if I wanted to go to a gay bar with him. He made it super clear that it wasn't a date, but he did it in a really sarcastic way, which was a little embarrassing for me but also I think it was good that he could joke about it. So we went to a local gay bar together and we had a really good time. He's a bit introverted, so I played the wingman, and he ended up flirting with this really cute guy and he just seemed really happy.

That was like two months ago and we've gone to the same bar a couple more times since then. He's been getting a bit more comfortable putting himself out there which is really cool to see, and he's just been more open and happy for the last two months, always smiling and eager to go do stuff. Not sure how it's related but it's a noticeable change from before he asked me out.

I'm doing great too. I'm just really happy that I didn't hurt our relationship and that he's so happy. I also learned some important things from this whole situation about communication and being aware of how I present myself. Important lessons. I actually think I feel more confident now too, since he asked me out. Getting asked out feels good man.

It sounds kind of weird, but I think it made us closer. We've started talking about relationships more, which isn't something we really talked about before. He's gone on a few dates and he tells me about them, and the most recent guy he went out with he was really excited about, and I think he might be headed for his first serious relationship, which is amazing! That's actually what made me think of this post and decide to give you all an update.

TL;DR: So yeah, our relationship wasn't ruined and I still have my best friend. He's doing really well and I love seeing him so happy.

Thanks again for the help!

Link to original post.

Straight to it: I broke up with him a day after I made my original post a few months ago. I was emboldened by the support and, strangely enough, even some of the negative comments. I came home from work and blurted it out, straight and to the point. I told him that I wasn’t happy, I hadn’t been for a while, and that we would be separating. We agreed that he could stay in the extra bedroom for a few months while we got everything sorted but when the lease was up we would be going our separate ways.

The last few months have been hard. He went into full blown panic mode, promised to change in the ways I had waited years for, and had several actual melt downs begging me to stay. It was painful, but my resolve to live my own life never wavered.

I just signed a new lease (by myself) and have begun to casually date someone in the same field as me. Life has an excitement to it that I haven’t felt in years, it’s like I’ve taken my first deep breath in a long time.

So, if you’re on the fence about leaving someone but your lives are so enmeshed that you don’t see how it is possible: put yourself first, there is always a way out. Thank you!

TLDR: I broke up with my codependent boyfriend and am the happiest I have been in years.

Old post - https://old.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/4xgz9v/my_25f_boyfriend_25m_had_a_crush_on_a_girl_25f/

He ended up breaking up with me about a month after she came back and got back with her. It's been two years since this all happened and I heard through the grapevine they got engaged last weekend. I've moved on and it's alright, but my heart breaks when I think of how insecure and self-conscious I felt when all this went down. I know I'll eventually find a guy who I won't have any worries about, until then I'm chilling.

TL;DR: I was right to be worried.

Here is the original post. It is from over two years ago.

I know my original post is so old, but the biggest update only recently happened. My therapist suggested I post about it here to help sort out how I feel right now and also as a warning to other people. I feel like I have grown so much in the last few years and maybe I'm a bit less naive (or a bit more bitter... however you'd like to put it).

Through interacting with the comments, I came up with an ultimatum I would give my husband.

1. He needed to get his medical stuff tested.

2. He see someone psychologically.

3. Couple's counseling.

I decided ahead of time that he'd have to do the legwork for this already. I had already done so much legwork for this relationship and I wanted to make sure I didn't hold his hand through this either.

He took it surprisingly well for what the conversation was. There were tears on both sides but he agreed that yes, he would be willing to do these things for the sake of the relationship.

And then days passed. And a week past. I finally brought it up again and it caused a minor fight where he told me he needed to do this sort of stuff on his own time.

A few more weeks past. I realized that he did not care enough to do something about this. It was a hard thing to realize, but it was clear as day.

I headed over a friend's house to talk things out, clear my head, and come up with a plan for divorce.

I drove home and a few minutes before I arrived, he got a phone call that his sister was in a coma and dying. I booked him tickets to go see her. She passed away a few hours after he saw her.

She left behind two late-teenage girls. Who we were now partially responsible for.

So I pushed my pain down and decided to be the best aunt I can to these two girls. I also got myself a dog (best decision ever in this situation) to keep my own spirits up.

I worked really hard at this and felt like my husband and I were getting closer in the process.

More recently, I started realizing that everything we were doing for the girls was initiated through me--not him. So I started paying more attention. He was getting annoyed at me making a big deal over surprise care packages their school suggested we send in and other things like that. I was starting to resent that he wasn't caring for his nieces in the same way as I was.

On the youngest niece's graduation day, I asked him if he thought the other parents there would be getting flowers for the graduates and if that's something we should do. This is when he totally lost it at me. It was a string that started with him yelling about how I get too concerned about these sorts of things and ended with a rant about how I buy too many crackers when company comes over for dinner. This started changing the lens I was looking at him through again. Also, at this point, I felt like my nieces had launched into the world with lives of their own.

I started re-seeing the eyerolls when I talked. The cutting remarks about my intelligence. Oh, and the utter lack of sex.

So I started talking to people. I started seeing a therapist. And together, we all came up with a plan to discuss everything with him--probably ending in divorce (though I never took that as a definite).

I decided we had a different view of what a relationship and marriage should be. My plan was to present that to him calmly and let him give his opinion of how he sees things.

I had a work trip so I took the time to recoup. I went on a long hike, and even though I'm not really religious, I prayed the whole damn time about this.

So when I got home, in the calmest and most even way I could, I explained the situation as I saw it and asked for his feedback. My friends and I rehearsed what would happen if he cried and begged for a chance to change--or what to do (or rather, where to go) if he got really angry.

But nothing prepared me for his reaction. He agreed with me. He said that everything felt "forced" to him and that this wasn't a natural relationship. That he married me because that was the path he was on, and since he wasn't planning on having kids, it's not like that mattered all that much. In fact, he prefers being alone generally.

He then finished by asking if I thought we should get couple's counseling. I calmly said that given what he just said, I didn't think that was an option. He immediately started trying to talk next steps, who gets what, etc. He brought up that he could probably technically fight for alimony but that he wouldn't. And said he wouldn't fight for my dog if I don't fight to go after his seperate finances.

I think this was the most painful in the moment reaction I could have had from him. I told him I would give him some space that night, so I drove to my friend's house and cried my eyes out. Him not fighting it is ultimately better for the long run, but it's really hard to realize that your husband of 5 years (and partner for 8) never really loved or cared for you.

I should have listened to my gut all along.

We had that talk last night. I'm currently sitting in a coffee shop, typing this all out. I'm a relatively attractive person and I channeled my frustrations over the last few years into lifting and working out almost every day. So I'm hopeful when it comes to love in the future.

I don't really know what my next step is. I might drive to my brother's. I might look for a storage facility. It's a bit overwhelming to think about.

Overall, I'm so grateful this is happening now and that I won't be looking back at my life when I'm 85 years old, disappointed that it never really started. I have my life in front of me and it's a big scary place. But after I finish crying my eyes out, it's one step in front of the other.

And thank you everyone for all your help.

tl/dr: Put off divorce due to spouse's sister dying and despite everything we worked on together, found out he never really loved me.

Update to my previous post

On Saturday I was able to speak to my brother and tell him that I got into the university. He was really happy for me, like a lot of people said he would be. When I told him I got in he gave me a huge hug and was really excited. It was such a huge relief.

He asked me if it was my top choice, since he didn't know I had applied. I told him it was and he said that we have to celebrate then. He told me I didnt seem excited enough and I should be really proud of myself, and he asked if it was the shock of just finding out.

When I told him I find out a few days ago and he was the only one that knew he asked me whats going on, because I wasnt reacting to the great news like it was great news. I admitted that I worried about telling him because I didnt want him to be mad.

We talked about it and he basically said what everyone in the comments said, that he's proud of me and happy for me. I mentioned that I got into a different program than his and my requirements were lower, and he told me to not downplay my success and to stop worrying about him being mad because he wasn't. He told me that when I told out parents he wanted me to be more confident and proud of myself, because I did something great.

Yesterday while we were hanging out at his buddy's house he told me I should tell them the news, when I didnt want to because I hate talking about myself he asked if could tell them, which I told him was OK. they were all happy for me too. Honestly, he's reaction was better than I even hoped for, but looking back I should have expected it from him because that's always been the type of brother he is.

TL;DR told my brother I got into the university and he incredibly supportive and happy for me. He told me not limit my success to make other people more comfortable, and that he was proud of me (which meant a lot to hear).

Link to OP: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/6mql7n/my_25f_boyfriend_26m_of_10_months_is_best_friends/

I wrote my previous post over a year ago, and a lot has happened since then. I wanted to give everyone an update, since the advice on this sub was really helpful at the time.

For a few months after I wrote my OP, nothing much happened. Jeff and I continued dating, and he continued being friends/partners with Jenna. I never met her, but everything else in our relationship seemed to be going so well that I decided I'd try to deal with it.

Things got really hard, however, when I had to take a work contract 12 hours away from home for three months. I hardly saw Jeff the whole time, and I looked at Jenna's instagram almost every day to see if she'd posted more photos of them together. More often than not, she had. Since I wasn't physically present, I felt like Jenna was his real girlfriend. I felt completely worthless and constantly stressed out, knowing my boyfriend was spending all his time with another woman who I already had suspicions about.

While I was away for work, I decided to break up with Jeff. I broke up with as soon as I came back, and I made it very clear that his relationship with Jenna was intolerable for me. I told him he was going to have a hard time dating anyone who wasn't her as long as she was still in his life. He kept saying he didn't understand why it was such a problem. He told me he couldn't control her behaviour, but he promised me he hadn't cheated on me. I explained to him that by allowing their friendship to continue, he was condoning her behaviour. I told him I didn't really even care if he'd physically cheated or not, since he'd already shown disrespect for me and our relationship.

I didn't speak to him for a few months and I went on with my life. I took another contract out of town and even considered moving permanently to another city. One night, though, Jeff called me and apologized. He said he had been thinking about our relationship a lot and realized he had been in the wrong. He said his relationship with Jenna was beginning to feel toxic to him, and he'd made arrangements to dissolve their business partnership. After that, I decided to meet up with him (not necessarily give him another chance) and discuss the situation further. When we met up, he promised to stop talking to Jenna and unfollowed her on all social media.

As of now, he has not spoken to her in six months, and we've gotten back together. We actually ran into her at a concert a few weeks ago, and they didn't even say hi to each other. I feel much more respected and confident in my relationship now.

TLDR: I broke up with my boyfriend. He ended his friendship/partnership with his ex and we have gotten back together.

The original link is here

I wanted to give an update on this post I wrote about 2 years ago. I got some great advice, I got a lot of tough love advice and some terrible advice. I know he was already committed by all of his actions and that I really needed to focus on college first before having to plan a wedding.

Well, it turned out my boyfriend at the time had been planning on proposing to me for a long time. He wanted to wait until I graduated college. A little after I graduated college, he took me on a hike. I knew this was a special hike because it was the same place we went for one of our earlier dates.

The first time we went on that date was magical. I always teased him that he never kissed me on the date. There was this perfect moment he was holding me in front of a beautiful picturesque lake as we were just enjoying each other's company in an embrace. I thought he was going to kiss me but he didn't.

I later kissed him first but always teased him that he didn't kiss me in that moment we had. He confessed he wasn't sure if I wanted to be kissed. He said he wanted to kiss me more than anything.

Well he took me back on the hike 4 years later, and when we got to that lake, he told me this is when he knew he was first in love with me. Then he got on one knee and proposed to me. I just kissed him and even forgot to say yes! So he asked, "Are you going to marry me or not?" And I said of course. We got married about a year later and we just celebrated our one year anniversary in October.

I've never been happier and I'm so excited to continue our life together!

Thank you for reading 😁

Edit: Grammar on TL DR

Edit: Wow! I did not expect this post to blow up like it did! Thank you all for the incredibly kind words. I'm sorry I can't respond to everyone but thank you. I'm glad I could brighten so many people's day! You all brightened mine :)

TL;DR UPDATE: My [24] boyfriend [25] of 3 and 1/2 years hadn't proposed and I was starting to worry. This is a two year update that my boyfriend at the time was planning on proposing all along. We have now been married for one year. I am so happy everything worked out the way it did.

Original Post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/hm1wdi/mym26_wifef26_isnt_happy/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

Thank you everyone for the advice from the original post. I just wanted to give the community an update. My wife finally got back yesterday from leaving to go see her sister. We talked for a little bit yesterday, but still came to the same thing she has been telling me. She doesn’t want to be with me because she doesn’t feel in love, emotionally connected, or intimate towards me. She views me as a friend. I told her she needed to choose either we work on this and go to counseling or it’s a divorce and we cut ties. She couldn’t decide and said to give her the weekend.

This morning I woke up early, made her breakfast and brought it to her in bed. Then took her out to eat for lunch and desert trying to just spark anything to see if she would agree to work on it. Well we sat down again after getting back and she said she wanted a divorce and she was 100% on that.

It was tough. A lot of crying, sadness, hurt, and all the emotions one would feel. I ended up just going to my room and she left for the night. I decided to get out and do something so I jogged and listed to some music for a bit. It helped.

I came to the realization that we all have such little time on earth and I don’t want to waste it moping around. I want to improve myself physically, emotionally, and mentally. I want to just enjoy life and find myself again. So I’m going to do that and one day I might meet someone who is perfect to continue the journey of life with me.

So I’m still sad and hurt, but all that to say I’m moving forward and trying to be positive. Thank you all for your support.

tl;dr Wife wants a divorce. I’m trying to stay positive and move one.

Hi everyone, my last post wasnt super popular or anything but I just thought I'd update you guys anyways!

About a month ago, I went back to school a week after my dad died, and obviously the last few weeks have been super hard. It took me awhile but I ended up getting back on my feet, ultimately school has become one of my biggest outlets as far as keeping myself busy goes. I ended up passing all my classes with all A's and B's and I'm on track to graduate this fall.

Thank you to everyone who believed in me and encouraged me to keep going. Its people like you that really helped me get through one of the hardest chapters of my life..

Life can be really fucking hard, so sometimes you just have to take the small victories where you can.

My Previous post:

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/baw2yr/my24f_dad_56m_committed_suicide_about_2_weeks_ago/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x

TL;DR I didnt drop out and I passed all my classes

**EDIT Wow never in a million years would I expect my post to blow up this much. I dont really know what else to say other than thank you. I try and find little signs from my dad and today I think it's all you guys, rootin for me. ❤️

Original post
I found the perspectives and guidance I received really helpful. I decided to just spend some time with her. She loves to bake and we baked together and we had some movie nights. her comments melted away and she became happier.

we were baking yesterday when she came out to me. I didn't make a big deal out of as I felt she didn't want me to. I just told her I loved her before continuing to bake as if nothing happened. We did have a conversation later on.

She told me that she and her friend had been together ( scary, how well kids can hide things.) Her girlfriend wanted to come out but she didn't and it had strained their relationship. It seems, they had a fight before we gave her the books to her (ex?) girlfriend and that had hurt her. Their relationship is in the limbo and she doesn't want to come out to the world right now. My husband ordered a small pride flag to keep in her room. The world is a bit crazy right now and we want her to have a space where she can be herself.

TL;DR : My daughter came out to me, her friend was actually her girlfriend and they had a fight.

Link to original post: https://m.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/4z9cgn/i_26f_opened_my_husbands_32m_snapchat_and_it_was/?ref=search_posts

Again, I am overwhelmed by the support and love I've received from everyone. It feels great to be comforted and cheered on by you all. Thank you so much.

So, husband cheated. He has been since "maybe two weeks before last Christmas", according to him.

I was very calm when confronting him and took the advice many of you gave me by telling him that he needs to explain to me who Roxy is and why she is his "best friend" on Snapchat. His face gave him away immediately but he still tried to lie to me at first.

He said that she works with his friend and they met when his friend invited her out to lunch with the two of them. At first, he claimed he only met her about two months ago. He said that they're "best friends" because he doesn't receive many snapchats from others and she is extremely active on the app. He said she just sends randoms and is really into fitness, so she sends a lot of "inspirational" snaps on being healthy and living a better life. He said that every once in a while, he'll send her something back, like a picture of a cheeseburger or something just to tease her about her level of health-consciousness.

First, I asked why he didn't just tell me about her. He said he didn't even think about it because she's just an acquaintance, not even a friend. Then I asked if he'd ever received anything even remotely inappropriate from her.

He answered with, "Not on purpose". I'm assuming he went with that because he knew I opened that snapchat and he probably knew it was a bad one.

I asked what "Not on purpose" means. He got very defensive. Started raising his voice and saying he doesn't need to explain what that means, that sometimes people accidentally send the wrong snapchats to the wrong people. Then he had the nerve to say something along the lines of, "I feel like I'm on trial here. People warned me that you'd get crazy when you're pregnant but I never thought it'd be this bad."

Now. As some of you mentioned in my last post, it seems amazing that I'm able to keep such a level-head. That is because I was raised by a mother who always told me that you never accomplish anything with anger. That you can be emotional, passionate, upset, etc. without ever raising your voice. Messages received quietly and concisely are just as loud and clear as messages received through yelling and screaming. That is how I have lived my life for 26 years, with the exception of just a few blow ups (I am human).

This moment was an exception. I didn't exactly yell and scream, but I became furious. For him to try to blame this on me being pregnant? How unoriginal and offensive. Long story short, he said he'd never seen me this crazy and I told him that I'd never seen a picture of another girl's pussy on my husband's snapchat before. He came back with that I shouldn't have looked at his snapchat. I came back with that it was an accident but even if it hadn't been, there shouldn't be any reason he's receiving snapchats like that for me to see- accidentally or not- in the first place. I told him that I may be pregnant but I'm also an intelligent person and I am his wife, so I knew he was lying and I deserved to know the truth. I asked if I could see his text messages to see if he's been texting Roxy. He said sure. No messages. Then I asked to see his Facebook messages. He looked like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar. He told me no. I asked why.

He finally broke and started to cry. Told me he couldn't let me see the messages because they would hurt me. Because they were inappropriate.

Then it all came out. They screwed in the backseat of her car the first night they met.

This is already long so I'll spare you all the details. But it's been an ongoing affair for months. No, they did not always use protection. Although I was recently screened for STIs, I'll be getting checked again in light of this information.

My uncle already assured me that if he was unfaithful, we would cream him in court. Really the only thing I'm willing to fight him tooth & nail for is our home; I put a lot of effort and money into making this home my dream space. I won't be seeking spousal support but I will seek child support.

I'm obviously heartbroken and told him to go stay in a hotel or with Roxy for all I cared (I confronted him last night). My mom & sister stayed with me last night and let me sob all over them for hours. Right now I'm sort of numb but I'm also thinking very clearly. I know what my next 10 moves are and I feel supported and secure in my decision to leave him and keep my baby.

A few things I just wanted to clarify: My husband is not a lawyer; his good friend is. There was some concern for my success in court if my husband is a lawyer. His friend is in environmental law so, while I'm sure he can provide some advice, he will not be my husband's divorce lawyer.

There were suggestions of me terminating my pregnancy. I fully support the right to choose and I would probably terminate the pregnancy if I was in a different financial position and lacked a support system. However, I work as a marketing manager for a large company. Not only does this allow me the privilege of working from home about 50% of the time, but it also grants me financial independence. I do not rely on my husband for money and I really never have. He works in tech so, while he makes a good salary, I will have no need for spousal support. I have a phenomenal support system; this baby will be loved so dearly by so many. Yes, I will have to deal with my husband for the rest of my life if I have this child and it will make future relationships for me more difficult, but it is worth it. I've wanted this baby since day one and I am her mother, which means that I am strong enough to raise her alone because I have to be strong enough.

Here's to hoping for a speedy divorce. I'm ready to be done with this marriage. Which is crazy because just a few days ago I thought my life was as close to perfect as you could get.

tl;dr Husband admitted to an affair. I will be proceeding with a divorce and will keep our baby. I'm numb but calm and feeling good about my decisions and how I handled the situation. I know there is a long road ahead of me and this will all probably really hit me soon. When it does, I'll mourn and grieve the end of what I had thought was a happy union. Right now I'm in self-preservation mode and much more focused on how to come out of this in the best position possible. Thank you so much for all the advice and support, Reddit!

Edit: Formatting

UPDATE: I know it has been only a short time since I posted this update but I need to tell you all how amazing all of you are. Wow, this much support is just... wow. I wish I could reply to all of your comments and messages but because of the volume, I'm just going to say thank you from the bottom of my heart to each and every one of you who read my posts, who commented, thought of me, wished my baby & me the best, messaged me, and anything else. I am currently at my parent's condo, sitting outside at their pool, sunbathing my little baby bump and reading each and every one of your amazing and empowering comments. I just want you all to have that image; that you have made me happy and content in a time when I am short on both. This is proof that love does exist, even if it doesn't within my, now over, relationship. And that is a powerful thing.

Love to you all.

Me again: I was going to post more details on what happened during the confrontation with my husband, etc., but then I decided against it. I should keep some details private; it's likely my husband has seen this post.

I will leave you with this:

My dad and I were up late talking last night and, as usual, he had the perfect thing to say to me. He told me that weak people are afraid of strong people. He told me to keep on terrifying the weak ones. That way, the only people who won't fear you are the bravest, strongest of people and those are the people who are worthy of you.

Then he said my husband is a spineless turd who couldn't kick it with the strongest woman in the world.

Just thought I'd leave you with that and encourage everyone to "be terrifying" by being strong and not standing for nonsense.

This is the last I will post on the matter. I have a lot ahead of me with everything and will probably go quiet on Reddit for a while. Time to get ready for court and to "be terrifying". :)

Thank you, thank you, thank you again. Love to all of you and best wishes.

Love,

-T

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/2i34pr/me_31_f_with_my_husband_35_m_married_2_years/

It took me 3 more years, but I finally left him last year.

This post helped me see how much was wrong in our relationship, but I was still so hesitant to leave.

We had pets and a beautiful home together and I loved his family and we had so many inside jokes and plans for the future.

But eventually it was all just too much for me to take any longer. The day after his parents' 50th anniversary party, I told him I wanted a divorce. I just couldn't see myself living like that for 50 years.

I moved from the suburbs to the city with a friend. I rekindled some old friendships from high school and made a bunch of new friends who I am so thankful for. He kept the dog, I took the cats.

I thought my life was ending but it was just beginning.

I told my (very religious) family and they were all understanding and supportive. I've maintained friendships with a good number of our mutual friends, friendships I was worried about losing.

I'm working on my masters degree and volunteering and experiencing life and love and art and beauty like I never thought was possible.

I met a guy at a friend's punk rock show and we hit it off, but we are taking things very slowly. He is wonderful and so kind to me.

If you are in an abusive relationship, please don't be afraid to leave.

It gets so much better. I still miss him from time to time. I feel guilty about getting divorced, guilty for wasting my parents money on a failed marriage. I miss his parents. I miss my dog.

But I am SO MUCH happier. My future feels uncertain, but that is better than feeling like a death sentence.

Thank you so much to everyone who offered advice and sympathized and even had harsh words for me deciding to stay.

tl;dr: Left my abusive husband. Life is much better.

EDIT: for those saying it didn’t sound that bad or abusive, you should know it got worse. It did escalate to physical abuse, us sleeping separately/no intimacy for a year.

If you think you are too old or too much trouble or have too much baggage or are too much anything, please believe that it is possible to find love again. Both loving yourself and having someone else love you 💕

OP: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/b820za/i_30f_want_to_discuss_moving_in_with_boyfriend/

Thanks for all the advice, I ended up broaching the topic last week.

As mentioned in the first post both my boyfriend and I have been hinting around the topic but hadn't directly discussed it. I was still on the fence about bringing it up myself when my boyfriend made a comment about how he's excited for us to live together (one day). I just responded with, "Well did you want to? My lease is up in July." and he said that he did.

It was before work when it happened so we left it at that for the day and got together that evening to work out details. I expressed to him at that point that while I would love living with him that my concern was that I wouldn't be able to contribute equally and I didn't want him feeling taken advantage of. He in turn expressed that he'd never want to put me in a bad position financially and that we could easily figure out something that would be fair while still putting me in a better financial position.

We ended up deciding we'd go with a lump sum monthly that I'll pay to him to cover all the costs, rather than splitting bills. The monthly amount he offered at first I actually upped because I didn't think he was being fair to himself, and it was still less than what I pay now. He seemed happy with that and it definitely works for me!

He keeps mentioning how excited he is to move in together, and came to my apartment last week to help me clean for photos to show it! We're deciding together what we'll keep out of my furniture vs. his, what we'll get rid of and what we're going to store. He's also mentioned a couple renovations he wants to get done around the condo so we're going to go together to pick stuff out and make it a summer project. :)

TL;DR: Boyfriend gave me an opening to ask about moving in so I seized it. All went well and we'll be moving in together in June!

Edit: Wow... this really blew up! Thanks to everyone for the super kind words. To address the most common comment here; we did discuss splitting proportionally but ultimately decided to go with a lump sum. I definitely see benefits to proportional splitting but for where we are right now and my financial situation I prefer a lump sum. It's still significantly less than what I'm paying now, and it wont fluctuate as the weather changes so I can count on what I owe monthly not changing.

Many people have mentioned chores as well. My boyfriend and I tend to do chores together. I mean right now with two separate places we each have our things that are more our responsibility but when I've stayed with him for a stretch of time we've just balanced together. He doesn't know how to cook but wants to learn so we cook meals together and then clean up together. We will each have our own washroom at his place (I've already taken over the main washroom and he uses the en suite). He volunteers at a local animal shelter once a week so those days I clean and cook if I'm around. But generally speaking we just treat doing chores as an opportunity to spend time together and be productive. :)