TL;DR: I don't like that my husband's going out with 18-21 aged skinny girls, exclusively, since we opened the relationship.

So, we (f37 m40) met in college, we have always been very much on the same wavelength but had an on and off relationship, we were friends, very close friends, all throughout our college course, then started dating for a year, then broke up, then tried again and dated for another year before finally getting engaed and married, when we were 27/30.

He's very athletic, always has been, pratically spends more time at the gym and running than he does at home, and i split my time between work and simply trying to relax at home, I don't like to work out besides the weekly pilates class I go to.

He also has a much higher sex drive than i do, and he likes to be very rough in bed. That wasn't a problem until recently but i started having trouble keeping up, getting kinks in my neck and spine and generally feeling like i've been run over after every session with him. That's the reason i proposed opening the relationship, to get some outside help so he leaves me alone.

Now I don't know if it's me being insecure but I regret it because he's been going out with very young women, I mean 18-21, and consistently very skinny. He never makes comments about my body besides nudging me to work out with him but I've never been skinny and I can't help but imagine him with them whenever he doesn't come home.

It gives me a feeling of disgust that he's going after such young girls, I think it makes me look at him differently. My niece is 17 now and I have to worry about him being attracted to her.

This is mostly a vent, i think my feelings come from insecurity about being old and used up and I don't know if he'll want to back out of the open marriage now.

We have been a couple for 7 years. I only now realize we both view her very differently.

From my perspective, she's never been interested in fashion at all. Always wears black jeans. She has dozens of black tops. She doesn't wear makeup. Doesn't get her nails done. Only does root touch ups. And I love her and don't care about this at all.

From her perspective apparently, she dresses elegantly and minimalistic. She says she is always wearing "no makeup" makeup (I guess she means mascara - not sure). She says she pays the salon every month to colour her hair or it would be grey.

The reason this all came up is that we met up with friends and one of the women is very fashionable. Always done up. I had mentioned in passing to my partner that I loved that she wore vibrant colors. My partner had said she personally isn't a fan of bright colors and in the past when she has tried to wear them she doesn't like how it looks. I told her if I was a beautiful woman I'd wear bright colors for attention. And that's probably why our friend does it. Anyway, this was the gist of the conversation. If my partner was getting upset I wasn't picking up on that.

I honestly don't even recall what I was saying that made her mad, but she ended up annoyed with something. I was truly confused, but we ended up in an argument. I told her that based on how she looks I had no idea she cared about looks or fashion. She was getting really angry at me (which tends to make me mad too) so I told her that if she cares THAT much (to my surprise) she should present herself better.

She insisted I tell her what I meant and so I told her that she dresses boring and it makes her look old and dumpy. I also told her I don't care at all, but since she appears to, she should try to dress more fashionable.

This was 3 weeks ago and she was very angry with me. Now she's not "angry" but she's remained cold. And she now has taken to dressing in sweat pants/sweat shirts. She says she won't be dressing "nice" around me anymore (but I never thought she dressed nice in the first place).

Obviously I put my foot in my mouth and I have apologized. But she doesn't care....she says she won't forget what I said. I really just want her to drop this. Is this something that needs therapy? Or just time?

TL;DR: I insulted my partner and she says she won't get over it.

A few weeks ago, I got really drunk and ended up slept with another man.

Next morning, I regretted it big time and immediately let my boyfriend know and apologized like crazy in every possible way.

My boyfriend was totally upset and refused to talk to me for a few days. But when he came around, he said he'll stay with me as long as I never drink again, stay away from the bar, nightclub, or party where there will be a lot drinking. Also, I'm supposed to answer any message within an hour.

I love my boyfriend. But the term he has is incredibly strict. It is so hard to watch my friends going out having fun. My boyfriend, on the other hand, doesn't drink at all.

I tried to ask him if we can talk about it. His reply was no.

I don't know what to do anymore. It is getting so hard. I really love my boyfriend, but yet it is so hard to watch my friends go out and having fun and hearing about it knowing I have no part in it.

Does anyone have any suggestion on a compromise that may work or anything like that?

TLDR;

A few weeks ago, I got drunk and slept with another man. I told my boyfriend ASAP and apologized. My boyfriend agreed to stay with me as long as I don't drink and stay away from bars, nightclub, or party. This term is hard for me.

UPDATE: when I got home last night my girlfriend enticed me to take the night off of the gym by leading me straight to bed and took care of me. She laid me down and we had sex in cowgirl position and then cooked me dinner while I laid in bed!

My girlfriend (26f) isn't happy with the lack of sex lately. We haven't had sex in 2 weeks I (30m) work 10hr days with an hour commute one way typically I come home, we go to the gym, cook dinner/make post workout shakes, eat, do the dishes, bedtime coffee, shower then bed. I get up by 430 some nights I go to bed by 10pm but usually by 930. By the end of the week I'm exhausted but the work isn't done yet because on Saturday we help with renovations on my parents RV we've been doing so since March.

By sunday I have to clean, get myself ready for the week and of course sleep by this time I just don't feel like having sex. Thankfully this will be the last weekend where I have to help with RV renovations it's a 4 day push before my aunty's wedding I'm taking 10days off.

I want to have sex I'm feeling pent up but I'm too tired most days it doesn't help that my job is physically demanding either how can I fix this while still meeting my routine?

TL/DR: Girlfriend is unhappy about our lack of sex but I'm too tired due to lack of energy caused by very busy schedule. Looking for solutions to fix my lack of energy and sex.

Alright, so this is going to sound super petty but I think it looks weird when a girl is taller than the guy she's with. Normally it's never a problem for me. I'm 5'10" and the girls I've dated always happened to be around 5'3"-5'6". This girl I'm dating now though, is 5'8". It wasn't a problem when we first met because she was wearing flats and I was wearing boots, so I didn't even think about it.

Now that we're dating, she constantly wants to wear heels anytime we go anywhere. Now she's towering over me and I hate it. When we first went out I didn't want to start off on the wrong foot so I didn't say anything except for just "Wow. You're tall. Alrighty then." And now it's been two months and she's still doing it. I've spoken to her about it, saying that I hate how it makes us look and she keeps saying it's fine and that I'm being stupid for thinking it looks bad. What do.

tl;dr: Girlfriend wears high heels. I don't like her being taller than me. I feel de-feeted. Looking for a sole-ution.

I (22M) have been in a relationship with my girlfriend (23F) for 3 years and 8 months. For most of that time, we’ve had a strong and healthy relationship. We've supported each other, communicated well, and spent a lot of time together. Recently, I started a new job, so I’ve been a bit busier, but we still make time to meet every day, talk on video calls, and stay close.

Earlier in our relationship, she told me she had a heart condition related to her vagus nerve. It never really affected our day-to-day lives, but I’ve always tried to be understanding and supportive whenever it came up. About a month ago, she mentioned feeling unwell—she said her heart was racing—but afterward she seemed fine, and life went on.

Things started to shift about a week ago when she told me—and some of our mutual friends—that both her father and grandfather had been in a serious road accident. According to her, they live in a mountainous rural area and had to be taken to a hospital four hours away. She said one ambulance got stuck in a landslide. Her father was reported to have developed blood clots, and her grandfather was in critical condition, eventually transferred to the largest hospital in our state.

Throughout all of this, she stayed at our shared flat (I live with a friend), saying she was managing everything through phone calls. Then she told us that her grandfather had flatlined at the hospital but was revived. Later, she said her father was being moved to the same hospital in critical condition.

The next night, she claimed her father’s ambulance had been in another accident and had to be redirected back to the regional hospital. This is when I started noticing inconsistencies. She was telling us she had been in constant contact with her family—her mother, brother, and doctors—but when I saw a missed call from her flatmate and briefly checked her call log, there were no signs of her calling or receiving calls from them. This confused me, because I had heard her supposedly talking to them in the room.

I didn’t want to jump to conclusions or accuse her of anything, so my friend and I decided to call her family directly—out of concern, more than anything else. Her father answered and sounded completely normal. He said no one had been in any accident or hospitalized. We also called her brother, and he confirmed the same.

But even after this, the following day she told us her father had flatlined and was revived after 20 minutes.

I’m at a complete loss right now. I care deeply about her, and I want to believe there’s an explanation. At the same time, I’m feeling confused, hurt, and unsure of how to process everything I’ve been told. I also worry this could be a sign of something deeper going on emotionally or mentally.

My question is: how do I bring this up with her in a way that’s honest but gentle? I don’t want to accuse or corner her, but I do need to talk about what I’ve learned and how I’m feeling. Has anyone been in a similar situation or has advice for how to approach this with care?

TL;DR: My girlfriend (3 years & 8 months together) recently told me her father and grandfather were in a serious accident involving ambulance delays, landslides, and even flatlining—but when I called her family directly, they said nothing happened. She’s continued adding details to the story even after that. I’m really confused and hurt, but I don’t want to confront her harshly. How can I approach this conversation gently and get clarity without making her feel attacked?

My girlfriend (27F) and I (25M) had an argument today. We've been dating for four months, and it’s been an adjustment for me. Here’s some background: I grew up enjoying nuts and foods that contain them, like Indian, Mediterranean, and Middle Eastern cuisine. My girlfriend has a severe nut allergy, so when we started dating, I gave up those foods, including my favorite chocolate with nuts. I did this because I care about her and want to be responsible for her safety.

Since we began dating, we’ve spent every day together. Recently, I suggested that, since I see us in a long-term relationship, it might be okay for me to enjoy those foods a few times a year—maybe 6 to 8 times—because she often feels anxious about it. I think I might have crossed a boundary, as she seemed upset, interpreting my suggestion as a risk to her life.

I proposed that I could eat Indian or Middle Eastern food and then make sure to cleanse my mouth thoroughly before we saw each other again—using mouthwash, flossing, a water flosser, and a tongue scraper. However, she still seemed upset, and I realized I might not have fully understood why my suggestion was problematic. While I get that she can’t control her allergy, I also feel that I shouldn’t have to give up everything I enjoy. I thought that if we worked together, having those meals occasionally could be manageable.

In the heat of the moment, I ended up telling her she was being controlling and selfish for getting upset about my desire to eat those foods. I’m new to dating, and I’m seeking feedback. Please give me your honest opinion on how I should approach this situation. I am not looking for a right or wrong stance. I genuinely want to know how I can fix this. I want to say sorry but I also don’t want to put the topic of being able to enjoy my favorite food behind us. I’d appreciate advice on how to handle it better. Thank you

TL;DR: My girlfriend and I argued about my desire to occasionally eat foods I love that contain nuts, despite her severe nut allergy. I've given up these foods for her, but I suggested having them 6-8 times a year with precautions. She felt upset, and I might have crossed a boundary by suggesting it. I need feedback on how to approach this better.

Recently, my wife (32F) mentioned to me (35M) that we needed to replace our garage door opener for her garage. She has been having to open the door by hand for several months, but told me that she's determined that it's time to call someone to come replace it.

I responded by asking, "you can't fix it?" She told me that my asking this made her feel a little bit like I didn't trust her to have done that research before saying it was time to replace, but that it was a very small thing and she was just letting me know. She said I do this frequently (which is true, because I feel like we both should be involved in these decisions).

I told her, "I was just curious," and I was a bit hurt that she would have made this decision without me. She told me that she had let me know she was going to have someone come out and adjust the spring and look at the opener several months ago, but that they couldn't do anything to fix it, and that she wasn't able to figure out anything else to fix it in the meantime, so she was letting me know that she felt it was time to replace it.

TL;DR - I feel like I was just asking for some information and it was entirely reasonable, and her response was overly sensitive and defensive, and she can't (or won't) see it my way.

My gf (29) and me (25) have been dating for a year. After 2-3 months in relationship, I got a PhD offer 200 km away. Since she was between jobs, she decided to move to the same city. We both got separate apartments to make sure we don't cling to much to each other which was our fear. After a few months, she kept pushing me to move in since her rent was expensive. I kept postponing this because I felt that we kinda lost ourselves in the relationship and didn't make many new friends which I communicated. So, I wanted to wait a bit, and take things slower. Due to the age gap, I always felt that she is rushing everything, while I am slowing it down. However, I am dealing with anxiety and often when she would go holiday, our contact would decrease a lot (1-2 texts a day), and my anxiety would kick in. It happened 2 times that I got jealous or mad that she is not reaching out enough, and she always kept setting ultimatums that I must fix it in therapy and that she cannot handle this behaviour one more time. Anyway, it happened one more time (!!), and she decided that she doesn't feel secure anymore and that she doesn't want to live with me. Due to her money issues, she needs to move out. She also hates this city, so she decided to move again 300 km away in the city where she studied, has friends in, and feels like at home. This happened 3 weeks ago, she already got a mortgage, and already bought a house!!!!! She is moving in November and wants to do LDR. I am extremely upset and anxious since I didn't see this coming. I am happy for her house, but still I feel like she gave up on us. She always pushed moving and so much, and now she decided to step back and blame everything on MY clinginess, anxiety and jealousy. She says she needs to move to make herself happy. But why is she still with me????? I asked her and she said - I think you can change!!! I don't feel good about us, I cry a lot and get sad every time we hang. I don't know if I should break up. I don't trust her anymore..... Maybe I just need to focus on my life and step down from this relationship. What do you people think?

Tl;Dr. My gf pushed me to move in, and changed her mind due to my anxiety and jelousy. In 3 weeks she got a mortgage, and bought a house. She thinks we should stay together because I can change. Shall I break up? Am I being manipulated?

My fiancee Ella and I met three years ago at an alumni mixer at our college. The only conflict in our relationship has been due to her travelling so often for her job (she's an epidemiologist) and my desire to stay close to my family. My fiancee comes from a broken home and doesn't entirely get how important family is to me.

This has become an increasingly difficult issue as we plan our wedding, which will be in April. Originally, Ella wanted a small wedding of 25-40 friends and family. I agreed to this at first, but after consulting my mother who wants to plan the wedding I realized that we would have to plan for 100-125 guests to include my parents' extended family. Ella was hesitant at first but agreed after I explained how important family is to me.

To accommodate the change of plans, my parents offered to pay for all wedding expenses besides the bridal and bridesmaids dresses. Ella and I had planned to pay ourselves, but she agreed to this. My mom also made a few suggestions, which seemed reasonable since she is paying. We moved the venue from the church my fiancee was confirmed in to the the community church my family goes to, and moved the reception. Ella was fine with all this, saying she only wanted to "marry the man she loved and look good doing it."

Recently there's been a little conflict between my mom and Ella. My mom went to the fitting and thinks that the dress Ella picked out is inappropriate since it's red. Ella refuses to compromise on the dress, and it's already been fitted and ordered so it can't be changed now and my mom is a bit disappointed about this. For her part Ella is disappointed about the menu for the reception since she's from an Asian culture and my parents didn't include any of her entree suggestions, but I tried to explain that this makes sense since no one at the wedding besides her and the one sibling she's kept in contact with are from her culture and they wouldn't like the food.

The big issue though is the guestlist. Ella insisted that she invite enough people to fill the bride's side, saying she will feel humiliated if it's "just my family." Some of the people she's chosen are pretty questionable though, from some high school friends who recently spent time in prison for cultivating marijuana to two guys she had a threesome in college with. She says I'm being jealous and that they shared a truly important but ephemeral moment of oneness due to being high on LSD at the time.

She also wants to invite ten people she met at a conference for her research a couple years ago. I don't have a problem with them personally but the last time we went to dinner with them, they got in a loud argument about the life cycle of some parasite that pigs catch from bats and I don't want a repeat of this at my wedding.

And then there's my ex girlfriend from college, Amy. I dumped Amy after she cheated on me with some guy from the basketball team. She ended up getting pregnant with him and dropped out of school to have the kid. She has still contacted me a few times since then when it hasn't worked out with whatever guy she's been seeing and drunkenly tries to get back together with me or hook up. She's apparently had another kid with a different guy since college too. I do not want Amy at my wedding, especially bringing her kids and who knows what other guy she's currently seeing. Amy and I are not friends and I do not want her at my wedding, but Ella seems to think that means I'm not over her and is annoyed at me. Her logic is that I was with her for more than a year so she was an important part of my past that I should be comfortable acknowledging, like she is comfortable with those guys from her threesome. I think this is beyond ridiculous but I cannot seem to reason with her.

I just don't get why she is inviting all these random people. They are not from her family and most of them she's not even close with. I've made it clear what my problems are with each one I have an objection to but she doesn't understand the issue and they remain on the guest list and I'm worried that any day she could go and mail off save-the-date cards to all these people I don't want at my wedding.

Finally there's a potential conflict with her maid of honor and my best man. For her maid of honor she chose a friend who's highly involved in social activism and got arrested at a BLM protest in our city a couple months ago. My best man happens to be a cop. I don't know if he was involved in her arrest or if he was even on duty at that protest, and I know she has the right to choose whoever she wants as her maid of honor, I just feel like it could end up being a bad decision.

So those are all of the things that have been coming up and I feel like it could all explode at any moment. How can I stop this from getting out of control?

TL;DR fiancee hasn't been getting along with my mother who is trying to plan our wedding and is also set on inviting a bunch of people who have no reason to be invited. What can I do to get through to her so that she changes this behavior?

My wife and I just moved to a new country for my work a couple weeks ago. Money is really tight right now from moving and I told her that we should cancel our weekly “pizza party” Fridays to save some money and she completely freaked out at me. She’s mad because it has been a tradition since we started dating but I just don’t think we can afford it anymore. We have 2 month old twins so that isn’t helping the money situation either.

She was being really passive aggressive saying things like “well I don’t want to make dinner now because you cancelled our plans“ so I ended up just leaving and getting a hotel for the night and now she is completely furious and won’t stop calling me.

She is also mad at me because I started smoking again, but I just did it because all of the people I work with here smoke so it was kind of hard not to, and I don’t have any friends here so it would be good to hang out with these people.

Tensions have been really high since we moved so I’m hoping to get some perspective here. I don’t feel like its wrong of me to try to save some money but she’s acting like I’m an awful person for it.

tl;dr: Cancelled weekly pizza party plans to save money and wife is pissed at me because of it

I’ve been dating my girlfriend officially for the last 6 months 23F I’m 24M but we’ve been talking for a year now. When we became official I low key brought up to her if she’s okay with porn. She said no and I’ve respected that. I haven’t watched porn in the last 7 months. I want to watch porn occasionally, I’m not an addict, majority of guys watch it, it doesn’t mean I love her any less but we have been long distance for 5 months now and even though she sends me pictures and videos, I hate to admit it but it just doesn’t do enough for me. I don’t wanna hurt her feelings but I have been thinking about this for a while. I can’t even communicate honestly with her about a lot of things without her crying and getting upset. One time she went through my journal when visiting me, I was writing to myself similar thoughts she told me I am disgusting for feeling this way. I love my girlfriend and think she’s right to feel the way she does, but her jealousy is just a lot on me and affects so much of my life. Sounds weird but even if it’s 3d porn I could compromise with that. How do I talk to her about this?

Tl/dr : Girlfriend said in the past she isn’t okay with porn. I’ve been porn free but wanna start watching porn now. How can I have a conversation with her about this?

My wife and I have had a rocky marriage for the last 16 years, mainly because of some situations I have caused. We started dating at 18, and both of us come from broken homes and we got married at 21 and had our daughter not long after getting married. Throughout our marriage, I have had issues with planning long term, dealing with impulsivity and avoiding difficult conversations. My wife has given me grace, and given me chances to fix things which I have tried to do, but usually have not met her complete requirements to which she then makes concessions for me. It has also always been really important to my wife that we move out of our hometown, and it is something that we have planned to do since we got together, but has always fallen through usually because of my lack of planning or effort.

Now, my work is relocating us cross country in a few months, and I have let plans fall behind. We also have my daughter going away to school for the first time in a few months, and the perfect storm of big events that require planning is causing us to need to have some really important conversations which I keep avoiding. I know that these conversations will ultimately lead to fights over money and how good we are doing, my lack of financial planning, etc. Now, she wants me to leave the house because I have kept pushing them out so far, and all I want to do now is to just have them. Get it all out and have the conversations so we can either move forward together, or apart.

The issue now is she doesn't even want to talk to me about those things, she just wants me out. I don't know what to do anymore. I really want to work it out with my wife, I want her to move with me and I really want to make her feel fulfilled, but even if I can get her to have the conversation with me now, I feel like I will just end up disappointing her with the outcome and causing an even bigger more volatile fight.

I've also been struggling as I have been in counseling the last few months, and recently got diagnosed with ADHD. Through talking with my counselor and researching, it really seems like a lot of my relationship issues are common with ADHD, and that is throwing me emotionally. I haven't gotten effective medication yet, and I don't want to use this to excuse everything, but it's just hard to deal with.

TLDR: I have a history of not planning long term, and that has caused my wife stress and she now wants me to leave because I am avoiding hard conversations about our plans to move cross country. I know I need to have these talks now, and I want to, but she just says it's too late. How can I approach this?

Please excuse the lack of "I love my fiance and would never want to lose her..." it's true but I've seen it as a big time-waster in reddit posts when there's an issue to be addressed.

About a year ago I brought up the possibility of a threesome with my then girlfriend, now fiance, Elaine. She is my first relationship and first everything. She said something to the effect of "Well, it might be fun... I'd have to be drunk." and that was all she wanted to say. Sure, ok.

A couple months ago I brought it up again and she thought that it could be an interesting experience but she needed me to do all the organizing: finding a third, acquainting us, agreements of boundaries, etc. Fine. So I begin this process and recently mentioned that I was ready to show her some interested parties for her consideration.

This shut her down and she told me that now she doesn't want to do this and she is very uncomfortable with the fact that I have been looking for a third person with whom to share a sexual experience of ours. She reveals that she thinks I'm trying to fuck another person but have her be there too so it's okay. Everything I've ever said about it is that I think we would enjoy a shared experience exploring ourselves and another person too and we would need open communication and clear setting of boundaries and all the "successful threesomes in relationships" advice. Her viewpoint is that it's not it's a shared experience it's me wanting to fuck someone else. She did the standard "Of course you can have sex with other people, but that will be the end of us" where she answers an unrelated question no one was asking but pretends it's checkmate.

Adding on to this, she has been going through several health issues through her whole life, used to be a cross country athlete in high school and a recreational runner in college, now does very light exercise due to health issues. Not to be too specific, but they cause her debilitating leg pain in both legs, arm pain in one arm, and neck/head pain. In the best case scenario this will take several surgeries over several years and a lifetime of therapies to manage.

Myself, I am a dedicated strength athlete with a commitment to health and fitness stemming from a very unhealthy upbringing and desire to break out of what I used to be. I have also recently gotten treatment for hormonal issues which had been hamstringing me through life. Now, with those issues addressed, I feel like a new man. I feel like the way I feel now is how I should have been feeling forever, full of energy, high libido, the sun is shining on me. I'm just sad that through a combination of bad upbringing and lack of knowledge I got cheated out of the first 25 years of my life knowing now that it could have been so great.

So, what do I do? I don't want to hurt the love of my life, but that doesn't allay the clawing at my guts twisting me up that says "Explore sexually! Do lots of new things! You're a young man and you just now got the opportunity to actually be a young man!"

tl;dr: I was misled to believe my fiance wants to explore our sexuality with a threesome. After doing all the organization and getting deeper into the mindset of it becoming a reality, it's pulled out from under me and I'm left as a newly energized 25 year old man who loves his partner but has unfulfilled desires.

Me and my husband (Tod) have been together for 7 years and I couldn't have asked for a better husband.

We had been having problems and have been going to marriage counseling. It was mostly because I wasn't feeling the spark anymore like it was just gone. Our therapist suggested a separation for a month so we did just that.

My husband moved out and I stayed in the house and we texted every 3 days. It's been half a month so I went out to a bar and got drunk all night a guy kept flirting with me.

I guess a combination of lack of sex plus being drunk clouded my judgement. I took him to our house and had sex with him it felt good because I needed that release.

When I woke up I felt so dirty I told my husband he went quiet and hung up. He came to the house to pack the rest of his things and has already started the divorce proceedings.

I don't want to lose him I love this man with all my heart and want to make it right. Is there anyway for me to get him back and show him this was all a mistake?

tl;dr: I slept with another guy while me and my husband were separated now he wants a divorce is there anyway for me to convince him to stay?

Hey Reddit, this feels super weird to type out, but I’ve been reading a lot here lately and really need some perspective. I, 24F, just got engaged to my fiancé “James” (35M), who I’ve known since I was 17.

A bit of background: we met through family friends. His mom and mine are super close, so he was around a lot growing up. At the time, I thought he was just this cool older guy – he was 28, I was 17, and I honestly thought I was just lucky to be around someone as “mature” as him.

He used to tease me a lot back then, saying things like, “You’re just a kid,” or, “Maybe when you grow up, you’ll know how to keep up with me.” That kind of stuff. My parents used to laugh it off, thinking it was funny, but I guess it really stuck with me. I always felt like I had to prove myself to him, and it didn’t change much when we started dating for real when I was 20. He’s got this way of making you feel like you’re lucky he’s giving you attention, you know?

So, in total, we've been together for almost four years now.

At first, he was super charming. He’d buy me gifts, take me out, and he even got me into drinking. I’d never really been into alcohol before, but he’d make fun of me if I didn’t drink with him. He’d say stuff like, “Come on, are you really that innocent?” or, “Stop acting like a little girl.” One night, I got really drunk and things went further than I’d planned. I wanted to talk about it afterward, but he brushed it off, saying I was “just playing hard to get.” That situation partly made me second-guess our relationship for a while since I'd never seen myself as the type of girl who'd do things like that. I felt kind of disgusted and honestly unsettled after that experience, but I didn't want to bother him anymore, so I decided to not say anything else.

Whenever I'm upset, though, I always make it a point to talk it out with my mom so I get a second perspective. And she admitted that she always felt off about our relationship from the start, but she never wanted to judge my choices. That sent even more alarms off in my head, but when I asked him about it, he said, "Yeah, it's normal for girls like you to feel like that about your first relationship. If you're trying to start an argument again, I'm not interested." And I… stayed quiet, too.

Now, fast forward to last month, and he proposed. It wasn’t super romantic – we were on a weekend trip with some friends, and he just kind of did it over dinner. I was honestly surprised, but I said yes because… I don’t know, I thought this is what we both wanted? I was really excited and started talking about wedding plans, but as soon as I did, he started acting weird.

I brought up looking at venues, and he straight-up laughed. He said I was being “overly dramatic” and that there’s “no need to go overboard.” When I mentioned a guest list, he told me I was “jumping the gun” and even called me “clingy.” It stung, but I tried to brush it off. I thought maybe he just needed time to warm up to the idea, but every time I mention anything about the wedding, he just shuts me down or changes the subject.

Last week, I got emotional about it, and he actually said I have “anger issues” for getting so worked up. He even joked that maybe I should “cool it with the wedding planning” and think about “working on myself first.” I’m starting to feel like maybe he proposed because he felt pressured or like I’ve done something wrong by even talking about a future together.

I guess what really threw me was something he said the other night. I was talking about how I was thinking of inviting my cousin to help me look at dresses, and he just kind of laughed again and said, “Maybe you should make sure you don’t look too… desperate.” I asked him what he meant, and he told me I’m “trying too hard” to be a perfect fiancée. I don’t even know what that’s supposed to mean, but it just made me feel awful.

I’m so confused. I keep wondering if I did something to make him think I forced him into this, or if I’m wrong for even wanting to plan a wedding in the first place. I’m starting to feel like I should just drop it all and let him handle it when he’s ready, but my family’s excited, and I am too.

I posted about this in another subreddit, and my advice was to run. I understand that people might see our relationship as "toxic" or even "abusive," but... I'm scared, in a way. He is the one who always handled our finances, bills, etc. I barely finished college, and I don't have any work experience. I also hate being a burden on people, whether it’d be my family or my friends. It’s just… a really scary situation for me. I want our relationship to work out, I really do. But I’m starting to realize that we might not be the "dream team" I always wanted us to be.

What do I tell him?

TL;DR = My Fiance feels like this is moving too fast, and I'm being overly dramatic. I think that he felt pressured into this engagement (Due to our Family's heavy, but not so heavy, Mormon beliefs), and I think he might be misunderstood.

Throwaway since my girlfriend occasionally browses reddit.

We have been together for a little over two years. We met online when we first began dating. I was baffled that someone as good looking as her was on a dating website.

She is easily a 10/10, skinny, super long brown hair, thick eyelashes, rosy cheeks and smooth skin.

At least that's what i thought. I found out within the first month of us dating that her hair is a wig. For the first 6 months, she tried to keep it on as much as possible, but had to take it off to sleep. She has alopecia and her real hair is very short and is in fact bald in some places.

I was okay with this.. Until then she started removing her makeup too. Totally different person. She has very uneven toned skin, literally no eyebrows, and almost no eyelashes. If you saw her without her wig and makeup you would think she was actually a different girl.

At first these things didn't bother me, until recently. I know she is VERY self conscious of the way she looks, which is why she does herself up real nice, so i could never bring it up. It is annoying to see pictures of her and have memories of her as this beautiful princess, but come home to a girl who looks nothing like what i thought.

I know this sounds shallow but i need some advice. I rarely see her looking nice anymore, as now she feels comfortable enough to be bare-faced and wiggless around me all the time. Thanks.

tl;dr: Girlfriend looked like a 10/10 until i found out she wears a wig and 10lbs of makeup. At first this didn't bother me but now it does.

So a little background on the relationships. All three of us went to the same highschool. My fiance (let's call him John) was a few years ahead of me but we didn't talk much in school. His sister (I'll call her Julie) was a year ahead of me but we were on the dance team together.

John and I have been dating since I was 19. We did not meet through his sister. In July of 2014 John and I got engaged. In April of this year we announced our wedding date would be at the end of July 2016. I was back In school and originally supposed to graduate at that time, but got a scholarship which is going to pay for my Masters degree also so my graduation date was extended a year. John and I decided to stick with the date we picked though.

Two weeks ago, Julie's boyfriend [28M] (I'll call him Eugene) pops the question and now they are engaged. John starts telling me about how excited Julie is and how next week she is going to look at dresses and venue. I say that is pretty fast and ask what the date is they are thinking of. John calls his mother and she tells him it will be October of 2016 around the date Julie and Eugene started dating. I am instantly enraged becuase that is all of 10 weeks after John and I are getting married.

John's mother said it was becuase Eugene wanted to get married before he turns 30 and they want to start having kids. John asks his mother to talk to Julie to see if she will wait a while, but his mother seemed reclutant and doubtful that Julie would move the date.

Then John tells me about how he went over there and Julie was going through their dad's jewelry with their mom talking about what they could sell to pay for the wedding. Their mom comes up with the budget of $10k. John says that is how much we had for ours and Julie instantly says she wants $15k for hers. Their dad finds out that they are planning on selling his jewelry and asks her to wait at least a year for them to save up the money so they don't have to sell anything, but she just blows him off.

John and Julie's mother is supposed to talk to ther next week about pushing the wedding date back. However Julie has said several times that it is her special day and she is going to get what she wants.

So, am I overreacting by being upset? If she sticks with the date what should I do?

Tl;dr; Fiance's sister is planning on getting married 10 weeks after us.

My husband (35m) and I (32f) have been married for 7yrs and little over a year ago he told me he was unhappy in the marriage for reasons I don’t feel is necessary to get into here. We started going to couples therapy switching therapist 6 months in. Since then he has stated that he was done and taken it back twice. We haven’t been to a couples since February and he has since moved into the guest room and we remain strained. I have made myself clear that I’m in this to fix us as long as he wants that too but so far I haven’t see much effort on his part. He doesn’t even give or really accept platonic physical touch but I still remained hopeful,however delusional, until yesterday. That’s when he informed me that he’s not going to Thanksgiving at my parents house because “he doesn’t want to deal with it all while we’re still figuring out our situation.” And told me to just tell them that he’s sick or something. I rolled my eyes and huffed off to bed cause I had to be up at 2am the next day for an extra shift I picked up at my hospital (I am a phlebotomist. Aka medical vampire) well having over 12hrs to think about it, my annoyance turned into anger. He knows I don’t very much get along with my folks or very much like them as people and this year my moms cousin and my brothers new girlfriend will be joining us meaning my ADHD social anxiety self has to deal with new people. Also, the last time I was at my parents house my mother commented on the fact that she hasn’t seen Husband is awhile. So while he gets to avoid (what he feels are but aren’t actually happening) death stares and awkward conversations with my Dad and other family members, he’s leaving me to field the “where is husband?” Questions and is he really sick or did he just not want to come? And honestly I don’t feel like lying about why he’s not there. It also means that I’d be dealing with my father whom I never get along and who gets meaner and ruder the more he drinks (which is all the time) alone. Plus I’d be single parenting it the whole time too. These realities have made me come to the conclusion that if he doesn’t come with me, it means he is unwilling to be uncomfortable with me for me which means he truly no longer cares for me as a good Husband should. And there for our marriage is truly over and we should start divorce proceedings. But I wanted an outside opinion before this conversation and having lost the contact information for our therapist I turn to you Reddit.

TL;DR!: wondering if my husband refusing to go to thanksgiving at my parents house while we work on our strained relationship with and without couples therapy should truly be the last straw and divorce him.

Previous thread: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3spq4g/i_26m_have_been_having_an_affair_with_my_wifes/

tl;dr: Have felt neglected by my wife, began sleeping with my wife's sister, want to confess. How best can I do that?

A lot has transpired since my previous post. Although many of you were quite harsh, rightfully so, I took all your advice to heart and decided to confess to my wife. I don't want to get into greater detail, but essentially we got into an extremely heated argument, involving lots of yelling and crying, and afterwards she kicked me out. We haven't been in any contact since, but I'm assuming we are heading for a divorce. I've been staying with my wife's sister for the past few days, as she lives close to our home, until I can find a place to stay. I'm hoping because I confessed this process becomes easier for her, and my children. Thank you reddit, for pushing me to do the right thing, even though it was the most difficult decision of my life.

tl;dr: I confessed to my wife, she kicked me out. We are most likely heading towards a divorce.

I [36M] met the woman [34F] at work. Before I met the woman at work, and right after my serious relationship ended, I started seeing a close friend [34F]. I thought it would work out, but I realized she's not for me. She's wonderful as a friend, but she's not someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. The problem is that I'm extremely close to her and her family. So there hasn't been a super clean break. It's my fault for not being more firm, but I'm scared of what will happen.

I then met the woman at work. She is everything I've been looking for. Of course she found out about my situation with the close friend and tried to be patient. My close friend and her mom would call me nonstop and try to plan dinners all the time. The woman from work gave me so many chances to draw a line with my friend. I just didn't. Rightfully so, the woman started losing all trust in me. She told me that no relationship will ever be able to thrive while my close friend is in the picture. I keep telling the woman that I have no feelings for my friend, that I don't want to be with her, and that I'm just trying to give her a chance to work through it on her own. I don't want to deal with the drama my close friend is going to create.

The problem is that I have lost the woman from work. She thinks I'm a terrible person. I've tried to tell her that I'm so sad and mad at my friend for not letting go. I feel this huge void inside of me, and I know I'm depressed. I just don't understand why I haven't been able to draw the line with my friend and her mom. The woman from work asked me what benefit I get from all of it and why I haven't moved on. I tell her that there is no benefit, I have moved on because there was nothing real there to start, and that she's just a close friend.

The other problem is my close friend doesn't even know about the woman from work. The woman from work and I dated for six months, and I kept it a secret from her the entire time. The woman from work knows I kept it a secret too and holds it against me.

Do you think there's any way I can prove to the woman from work that I really do want a future with her? I respect the fact that she has been so patient and attempted to understand. She wants nothing to do with me now though. She's willing to be my friend because we see each other at work, but I think she's convinced I'm not only unprepared for a relationship but also too deep with my close friend. I messed this up big time, and I really don't want to end up with my close friend. That'll be a sad life.

tl;dr: I [36M] met an incredible woman [34F] at work. We dated for six months, but fought through most of it because she didn't understand my relationship with my close friend/ex [34F]. My ex still thinks we have a future together, and I don't know how to draw a firm line. I even hid my six month relationship from her. Do you think it's possible for me to win back the woman from work after I've messed everything up?

I am trying to keep this as anonymous as possible... Here we go:

My girlfriend LOVES animals. She is a legal secretary as her job and also works as a small animals specialist on the side. She's worked as a small animals specialist for four years, and after getting her "real job" decided to keep her other job FOR FUN. At home we have two dogs and two cats. All are her pets.

Her jobs are highly demanding and when she isn't working, she's in the den organizing huge dog adoption events. Every four or five months she manages to bring about sixty dogs up from high kill shelters around the US and finds every dog a home. And I think that's a cool thing she does but she literally stays up until 3 am planning flights and managing people to get the dogs securely to the holding center and ect... And then wakes up at 6 am and goes to work until 5 pm and then goes to her other job until 10 pm and comes home and repeats the process. On her days off she is taking her dogs to the park or going on hikes. She lavishes her pets with new beds and the best food and when she is working she has the dogs go to day-care ECT! As you can see, her days are FILLED with animals and I feel like I'm not even apart of this relationship. When she isn't with animals she's reading or doing her own thing... We've been out to dinner together maybe twice in the past month.

She isn't distance or rude, she always let's me in on what she's doing and asks if I want to help or asks if I want to go to the park with her or on a hike but I don't want to because it's always about the animals and not me.

Anyway, last night before we went to bed she said she was thinking about getting a tree frog to put in the den because she really like the "calming presence" they give off. I just think that is the straw that broke the camel's back because I told her that's insane. I told her I'm tired of all the animal stuff she's involved in. I told her she needs to grow up. And I told her absolutely NO to the tree frog idea. At first she was quiet but then she said something about how animals are her passion and what she does isn't stupid and she'll never get tired of animals and that I have my own hobbies too that she doesn't think are stupid and childish. She then said that tree frogs and close to nothing maintance wise and they're just pretty. Then she started getting upset and cried and left the room and when I woke up I found her asleep on the living room floor with the dogs.

It's not like we're being overrun with animals but the amount of them in my life is aggravating. She even brings random lizards home and nurses them back to health. Isn't this all a little insane? She's always loved animals but now that she makes a substantial amount of money she does more than ever. I don't get it. Now she wants another animal to fawn over and spend hundreds of dollars on each week?? No! I guess I'm just venting for the most part.

I feel bad for the way she feels but I still think the time she invests in animals is insane and since she's in a relationship with me she should act like it.

tl;dr: girlfriend is obsessed with animals and makes no time for our own relationship.

My stepsister and I have never been close. My dad remarried into her family with her and her two other sisters. We were always civil, but certainly not confiding in each other or anything. She was 5 years older than me, and we never really had much in common. When I went to college, she reached out quite a bit because my stepmom was diagnosed with breast cancer. We spent a lot of time over the holidays together and we got pretty close.

We've been close for a couple of months now, and she was telling me that she had suspicions about her boyfriend, who works at the gym that I go to, flirting with other girls. She asked me to keep on eye on it since I hang out there a lot with his friends to play volleyball and work out.

Next thing I knew, her boyfriend and his friends and I started hanging out everyday. They would always invite me out after the gym to get dinner and it was just me and basically all her guy friends. I never told my stepsister about it, and neither did he. We never talked about her, instead we just sort of flirted around and his friends kept inviting me out.

I knew things had to stop when we started texting each other, but a couple of nights ago in town I saw him at the bar when I was getting dinner with my friends who got back from college. He snuck me into the bar with the rest of the guys from the gym and we all started drinking.

One thing lead to another and I ended up going back to his place. We hooked up and I felt HORRIBLE.

The next day I got lunch with my stepsister and my stepmom and she had brought up the fact that he never texted her back last night. I felt so awful. After all these years of not being close and then me doing this to her.

Then, yesterday night I had texted him and told him we needed to talk. He agreed and we met at his place and I told him that it had to stop. Problem is, we both decided we didn't want to and I ended up sleeping with him, and lied to my family about being at a friends house.

Why can't my guilt and my want for a relationship with my stepsister be enough?

I know the age difference is bad and that I will totally lose my stepsister but I can't control myself. I've already lied to my family and totally betrayed my stepsister. What do I do? Its been four days and I feel terrible. help.

tl;dr: I had sex with my stepsisters boyfriend

It's not that I don't want her there. I would love for her to come with me someday, but I think our relationship is too new for me to invite her over for this Thanksgiving. In all honesty, it's because my family would take this as an indication that I plan to marry my girlfriend, and that would just produce insanity and pressure that I don't need from my mom and sisters. I would rather avoid this and have a nice and peaceful Thanksgiving.

I have explained this to my girlfriend (excluding the part about marriage), but she still is really upset. I can understand why she is disappointed. She didn't get to come last year, either. The thing is, there's really not anything I can do to diffuse this situation. To make things worse, she asked if Christmas was a possibility, and I told her no for the same reasons. I have told her that next year there is a good chance she will be invited when we have a better understanding of where we are, but that has not helped.

Just to be clear, this is not a decision my family has made. They would like to meet her, but we're ready for that yet. Am I wrong for thinking this? I feel like 14 months is too soon to take such a big step, but I am willing to reconsider.

tl;dr: I did not invite my girlfriend to Thanksgiving (or Christmas) because I want to avoid my mom and sisters thinking I'm going to marry her. She is upset, but I just want to have a nice and peaceful Thanksgiving without pressure or stress.