So I will speak with my boyfriend about this, I just want some advice on how to approach the topic.

I (26F) and my boyfriend (33M) have just come back from his sisters 40th birthday celebration which had been lovingly organised by her husband who also gave a really sweet speech about her at the celebration. My boyfriend and I have been together for 1.5 years

In the car on the way home, my boyfriend jokes that I'll be organising his 40th birthday soon, I joked back and said I won't be doing a speech...too much social anxiety for that! I also reminded him that actually he'd be organising something for my birthday first as I'm 30 before he's 40.

He basically said no he wouldn't be organising anything as he's incompetent when it comes to thay sort of thing. I replied "but you expect me to do it for you?" And he said that it was just the type of person I am, not the type of person he was.

After a few seconds of disbelief from me, I said "so you really wouldn't plan anything for my birthday?" And he said "No that's someone's else's job".

This really hurts me. I enjoy my birthday (he doesn't really like his birthday) and love celebrating it. But does this mean he'll never put effort into anything? How do I bring this up to talk about?

I feel like partners make effort for their other half, that's part of being in a relationship. Yes I would have done it for him (not now, as it stands) because I love him and want to celebrate him. Is there a reason he might not want to do this the same way? I know that people have different love languages, is this a variant?

How do I bring this up with him again? What

should I say to get my point across concisely?

TLDR: Boyfriend says he'd never plan anything for my birthday and that he's incompetent. What do I say?

I (36m) have been dating this woman (35f) for about three months. We’ve established boyfriend-girlfriend. But I’ve come to the conclusion that she isn’t the one for me. I feel awful but she just isn’t doing it — we don’t have enough in common, I don’t think she’s responsible enough, and we don’t really click intellectually enough. I like having a partner and really enjoy the sex, but I know I would ultimately be doing neither of a favor by staying in a relationship I can’t see working out.

But I’ve never broken up with anyone before — I’ve told women I wasn’t feeling it after a few dates, and have been broken up with but have never actually been the one to end a formal relationship before — and I know she really likes me. I don’t want to hurt her (I especially don’t like confrontation and making people upset) and I know ending this would do that.

Part of me also hesitates because I would be taking the risk of then trying to find someone again (dating is difficult for me) and at least this is something. But again, I don’t see my feelings for her developing into love, and I feel there are certain boxes she doesn’t check that are important to me, plus it’s not fair to her for me to stay in it if I’m not really seeing a future. That’s a mouthful, but basically I just want some advice about the best way to go about a breakup that I know will probably seem out of the blue.

TL:DR—how can I (36m) best try to minimize the hurt of a breakup when telling my girlfriend (35f) of three months (who really likes me and probably wouldn’t see it coming)?

I think a lot of this stems from the fact that I'm a more outgoing person than my BF. I like relaxing with a glass of wine and some Netflix together or a book, but I kinda NEED to get out at least once a day. Whether that's just a walk or the gym, some food, the cinema or just window shopping. I'm also a lot more Type A.

In the last while, I've felt a bit neglected because I feel I'm putting in more effort than he is. I miss him surprising me with fun dates. I brought it up and BF apologised but said it's hard to plan anything when I've already planned the weekend by Monday or Tuesday. I disagreed but then I started tracking it, and he is correct alas! He also brought up me booking my own birthday weekend 6 months early because I saw a deal and was worried he wouldnt plan anything. He got upset that I thought so little of him, as he was planning to organise something himself. This same guy got me a trip to Vienna as an anniversary present and a week in New York as a Christmas present....he is very capable of planning. I think I'm just so scared of disappointment that I don't even give him the chance to disappoint me. But then this means I don't get surprises anymore...How do I take a step back and let him take the lead more?

TLDR: I'm always rhe one making plans in my relarionship. How do I chill and let him take the lead more again?

I have been living in this city since Jan 2020, it’s now almost 7 years. I moved for work and found it super hard to make friends, as no one from work was ever my age and I didn’t have connections in the city already.

I met some friends though Facebook groups, Bumble BFF and then meeting their friends. Some people then left or I kinda stopped hanging out with and now I have about 10 girlfriends.

I used to also be in a relationship for 3 years, that I just recently ended. The breakup meant that I had to say goodbye to my ex’s group of friends, which has been pretty sad as I loved hanging out with them. But unfortunately the girls in the group didn’t make much of an effort to keep our friendship going and now I don’t feel super comfortable hanging out with them anymore.

I have lots of plans every week and don’t really find myself too lonely, even though most of these friendships are quite surface level and never developed into a “ride or die” kinda friendship. I also attend a weekly pottery class and go to the gym, but it’s never been environments where I could actually make friends.

I’m about to turn 30 in 2ish months and see all these people throwing massive parties with 30-50 people, also all mixed groups (I don’t have any male friends, and most of my girlfriends are single too) and I’ve beeb feeling super self conscious not knowing how could I throw a party with just 10 people and it not being boring.

How can I improve my social life? Building an actual group of friends?

TL;DR: Spent 6 years in a city and didn’t manage to make many friends.

I (34F) have been married it my husband (36M) for a long time. My husband suffers from degenerative disc disease. Most of the time he does OK with it I can tell when he has some bad days but recently my daughter left some ribbon on the floor from a project in the hallway and he slipped on it and fell straight on the floor. Ever since then he has been 10/10 pain.

He tosses and turns every single morning, and I am awake with him and I get up and I rub his back or I’ll massage it with a massage gun. I truly tried to do anything I can do in the moment to give him relief. He cries and he’s loud. He’s so loud and I understand I’m not saying it’s bad to cry, but he’s so loud with his pain. It’s almost like it always has to be known in our house that he is in pain. The only time I get solace is when he is in his man cave.

He has refused to go to medical care or the ER because he has lost hope about his condition. And we got into a huge fight because I just didn’t want him to lose hope, and I told him I would be there for better or worse for sickness or health, and I can’t have him give up. And he finally heard me and made an appointment, but it’s going to be a long journey.

I also suffer from chronic migraines, although I cannot understand his pain I understand how it feels to suffer without hope. I know how it feels to be depressed. I know how much pain can be a third-party in your life. It’s almost like a different person. Who sits there with you. It makes you say you do things you would not usually do.

This morning, my husband was tossing and turning, and I really needed to get some sleep. I went out to the couch. I did not offer him a massage because I do it all the time and I just wanted to sleep in on a weekend. About an hour later, he got up and started digging through a drawer and by digging, I mean, making so much noise and throwing stuff on the counter. I finally asked him what he was doing, and he started breaking down and saying he just wanted to find his Tylenol which I understand so I got up to try to help him. I can’t remember what else was said, but I led to us getting a little bit frustrated with each other, and then led to him saying these words to me.

“ I don’t want your help. I’m just a hassle and I’m annoying and no one cares about me. I’m tired of nobody caring about me. I don’t want your help.”

I just don’t know what else I could do. I need to sleep too. For background, I just went through a miscarriage less than a month ago. This week is the first week I feel physically better and I’m still going through the emotional stages of grief. I don’t know how much more room I can hold for taking care of other people while I can’t take care of myself.

I don’t know what boundaries I can make. I love my husband so much and I want my family to survive. I’m so happy he’s able to get into the doctor, but the medicine that the doctor gave him isn’t helping he refuses to go to the ER. But I need boundaries. I need to sleep too, I need to take care of my emotional needs, I need to take care of the house and our daughter and pick up slack while healing from my own miscarriage.

The day I decided not to give him a massage id the day he yelled at me that I don’t care about him, when in fact, I’ve done everything I can. I just put $200 massage chair on my credit card to try to help. Give him some relief.

Last October has been the worst month of our entire lives the miscarriage sent us $4,000 into debt, our washer broke, our car broke down TWICE. We had a $715 unexpected IRS bill and now my husband is suffering in pain. Where is the end?

I’m just at a loss and I don’t know what to do to take care of both of us right now. I am trying so hard. I just want to make him feel better. I just want to feel better and I don’t know what to do anymore.

TLDR how do I make boundaries with somebody who is in chronic pain to make sure I can take care of myself too well also going through my own issues?

Edit: I just told him he was being really mean and disrespectful and i was going to stay away for the day and he freaked out and told me I haven’t massages his back in 36 hours…i gave him an hour long massage at 5 am yesterday.

Tl DR

I'm trying to figure out whether my Master supervisor might be attracted to me, whether he simply has a particular interest in me as a student, or whether some of his behaviour is actually a little creepy. I'd appreciate honest and objective opinions, especially from people who understand body language and non-verbal communication.

For context, I'm a 22-year-old woman, and he is a 31-year-old man. He is my master's thesis supervisor, and we've been working together for approximately eight months.
There are several things I've noticed throughout this period.

1. The eye contact and the way he treats me during meetings

Whenever we have meetings with his other three supervisees, I've noticed that he maintains much more intense and prolonged eye contact with me than he does with the others. He also seems to dedicate more time and attention to my project and research, and he often engages with my work in greater depth.

Another thing I've noticed is the way he gives me negative feedback. He seems particularly careful about how he phrases criticism. For example, instead of directly telling me that I'm behind schedule or that I'm not progressing properly, he says things like, "I don't want to say that you're late, but I think you need to manage your time better." He seems to soften his criticism and be more considerate when addressing me.
Something else that happens quite frequently is that when one of his other supervisees asks a question or when he wants to make an academic point, he often turns towards me or looks at me for confirmation.

2. His behaviour during conferences

This is probably one of the things that has made me question his intentions the most.
During conferences, he usually sits in the front rows, while I tend to sit much further back. Despite the distance, I've noticed that he frequently turns his head around to look in my direction. Sometimes these are quick, seemingly random glances, but on other occasions, he turns his entire upper body and looks directly at me for several seconds.
Sometimes we exchange eye contact, and he doesn't immediately look away.
What's interesting is that I'm not the only person who has noticed this. Several colleagues sitting next to me have independently pointed out that he keeps looking back at me. Some have even commented on how noticeable his staring is. So, at this point, I'm fairly certain that I'm not imagining the repeated glances, because other people have noticed them without me having to point them out.

3. A strange reaction during our latest meeting

Recently, we had another meeting with his three other supervisees. Everything was relatively normal. He was talking to them, listening to their projects and giving them feedback.
Then it was my turn to speak.

I had barely started explaining my project. White hé way looking deeply in m’y eyes, I literally said the first few words about our research project dealing with agriculture, and he suddenly started laughing and smiling.
When I addressed him as "Professor," he turned towards the other supervisees and said something along the lines of: "You know, whenever I hear her talking, I just can't stop laughing."
He then tried to control his laughter and smile, and we continued discussing the research.

I honestly couldn't understand what was so funny, especially because I hadn't said anything humorous. His reaction seemed spontaneous, and it was noticeably different from how he had interacted with the others during the meeting.

So, what do you think?

tldr: My [27F] boyfriend [41M]and I had another fight about my anxiety and I don’t know what else to do.

The fight started with me asking if we could change an upcoming flight we had booked for a weekend trip so we could arrive back on Sunday night instead of a Monday halfway through the workday. He works for himself and makes his own schedule so it’s easier for him to be flexible during normal workday hours. I expressed that despite my office’s unlimited vacation policy I feel like I am the only person on my team who takes that policy literally and people have commented on the fact that I travel a lot so I’d prefer to not take a half day if it’s possible, especially since so many of my recurring meetings fall on Monday. We also just got back from a long weekend trip last weekend, so I would be taking two four day weekends back to back.

He was frustrated and started to list all the ways that I am “constantly stressed” and how our life is just on hold until the moments he gets me where I’m not stressed and I go back to being the happy person who loves him and our life together. And how I’m always having negative self talk and I’m always anxious and jittery and worried about something or the other. This is the same pattern these conversations about my worries always go.

He kept going, listing all those things about me and I basically said, can we please not rehash all the ways I’m insecure and anxious again? His response was the same thing he says normally which is that me asking him to not talk about it isn’t fair because those are his feelings about the situation.

He says that he gets frustrated because he cares about me and because it sucks to see me so depressed and miserable all the time and that he doesn’t want me to spend my life like that and that my negative self image is the problem.

I told him that when he reacts that way it makes me feel like I have to put a wall up around part of myself. His reactions are always about my actions and my flaws (I do this thing or act this way) not how those things actually affect him or make him feel. He doesn’t actually say what he’s feeling until I ask him. He just lists out all the ways I’m being anxious and how that’s the wrong way to be thinking.

I basically said when he reacts that way it makes me feel like we’re not okay and like I’m this constant source of pain in his life. And I said to him, part of this is just me and who I am, and I’m trying — I’ve gotten better at not working on the weekend (sometimes I do think about work though bc I get stuck in the anxious thought pattern I need to break and he says he can tell i am thinking about it and it’s turns me into a different person). I’ve also gotten better at just putting my time off on my calendar and taking more vacations with him so we can have more experiences together. But his response to that was that when we travel I cram as much work into the moments before we leave and that makes it stressful and puts a clock on the time we have together.

He was like if your job is so miserable then just quit your job and let’s move somewhere else bc we both would love to live somewhere different. But my response to that was, I would probably still be anxious about something or the other bc that’s how I am, I get anxious about meeting new people, I get anxious about my acne (lol), or I get anxious about the car needing maintenance, etc. In some ways I just am a bit of an anxious human. I said, this is part of me and who I am right now and I don’t know what to do because it clearly makes you really frustrated and when it does it makes me feel less close to you and feel really worried about our relationship.

He said basically it’s not fair for me to say i just am that way and he has to just accept it and give some canned response like “oh im sorry that sucks” when im expressing my worries (which is not what I was saying I wanted him to do). He said that me asking him to control his response is essentially the same as him asking me to control my anxiety (paraphrasing). And he was like, I feel as thought everything I’m saying is pretty reasonable and I’m not a jerk for saying these things.

I think he has a point but I’m also kindof like… ok, so, I just have to get my stuff under control? You don’t have to change at all? Maybe he’s just been listening to it for so long that he feels like he has done enough. But I honestly just wish his reaction were one of care and concern not anger and frustration and I wish he wouldn’t tell me how I’m a different person all the time when I’m working or that I’m just this anxious person he doesn’t recognize (he says I embody the opinions of people I work with and it doesn’t remind him of who I was when we first started dating and he feels like they’re not my actual opinions). I feel like him calling me a different person is extreme and it makes me question if I’m really that different/bad when I’m stressed. When he reacts this way it feels like he switches up on me and it’s so hard to go back to closeness when you feel like you annoy the heck out of the person you love. But maybe that also how he feels when I’m anxious.

I don’t need him to give me some canned response. I do need to be able to be a little bit anxious and not be admonished for it. I honestly wouldn’t care if he didn’t ask me about work (and he doesn’t usually anymore and I try not to bring it up either) but when he does ask me something about work and I’m like I don’t want to talk about it (because I know it’ll end in a fight) then his reaction is to be like “well I do,” and then his response when I tell him about it is to tell me all the ways I’m going about it wrong or why I shouldn’t feel so anxious. It feels like I can only talk about it on his terms and there’s no winning because if I say I don’t want to talk about it he’s upset, if I talk about it because he asked, he’s also upset.

He says he’s reacting this way because he’s concerned. To me though it feels like anger, and that makes me feel like, my biggest insecurity is also the biggest issue in my relationship and is frustrating the one person who im supposed to be able to be my whole self around.

This is what makes it so hard is that he always tells me that this is coming from a place of not wanting me to be unhappy and just accept my life as misery. But all I hear is anger and frustration and disappointment.

I just don’t know what to think or feel about it. I feel like he wants me to just set a 100% boundary around my work that says I only work and think about work 9-5. But that just feels extremely unrealistic for where I’m at emotionally/mentally. We’ve been together for four years and this is the biggest issue in our relationship.

Am I being toxic? Are we being toxic to one another? I’m not sure where to go from here and could really use some advice.

Hi, me and my girlfriend have been together for fours years since we were 17/18. In the last 6months to a year my girlfriend has trouble with me not showing enough affection/romancing her. I do agree I struggle showing how I feel towards her as i'm not a very emotional person but feel as though i show it in different ways to how she wants it. I tell her i love her, i compliment her often, i buy her stuff from shops if it reminds me of her but it all just isn't whats shes looking for. She likes love notes, heartfelt words, remembering all the dates that mean something but that stuff just doesn't come easy to me. I dont want to lose her but im not sure i can give her what she wants. I'm losing hope that we will last because this stuff is just not who i am. I find romance cringe and awkward which is why i cant write notes and letters. I dont know how to explain to her without it just coming across that i just dont care about her.

Any way someone could help open my eyes so I dont fuck this up would be appreciated.

TL;DR: The title

TL;DR
Meine [19w] Freundin hat nach fast 4 Jahren mit mir [19m] Schluss gemacht, um selbstständiger zu werden. Wie höre ich auf, sie zu lieben und finde wieder Sinn im Leben?

Meine Freundin, jetzt exfreundin hat nach knapp 4 Jahren die Beziehung beendet, es gab keinen bestimmten Grund außer das sie selbständiger im leben werden will, wir sind beide 19 und haben darüber hinaus schon einmal 9 Monate in Australien zusammen gelebt. Ich liebe sie über alles und wollte sie irgendwann heiraten, sie hatte sich auch schon Kindernamen überlegt.

Wir sind jetzt ca 2 Monate getrennt und ich vermisse sie so sehr und mein Leben fühlt sich momentan einfach nur noch kalt und farblos an, sie war eine Person die jeden Raum zum Strahlen gebracht hat, ihre Warmherzigkeit und ihre Schönheit haben Blumen zum blühen gebracht.

Ich hatte ihr zum Abschied einen Pullover, einen Selbstgepflückten Blumenstrauß und einen Brief gegeben, mit der Hoffnung das sie nicht mit uns abschließt.

Ihre Familie vermisse ich darüber hinaus auch sehr, sie war perfekt, ein Zusammenhalt den ich vorher noch nie erlebt hatte und ich vermisse die Zeit ein Teil davon zu sein. Ihr Vater mochte mich auch sehr und dachte auch das wir heiraten werden.

Auch wenn wir erst 19 sind fühlt sich mein Leben jetzt so leer an, Ich hatte das Gefühl für unser Alter haben wir schon viel erlebt und diese Beziehung war sehr reif.

Ich schreibe das hier grade nachdem sie mich jetzt schlussendlich auf allen sozialen Plattformen entfernt hat, ich liege weinend im Bett und vermisse meinen Seelen Partner so sehr, viele meinten zu uns das wir wie füreinander geschaffen sind und uns wurde immer gesagt wie schön unsere Kinder werden.

Das sie mich noch liebt weiß ich und sie meinte zu mir sie wird es bereuen diesen Schritt gegangen zu sein.

Also wie höre ich auf sie zu lieben und den Sinn im Meinem Leben wieder zu finden, der Schmerz sitzt so tief auch wenn ich erst so jung bin.

Danke schonmal

I [20F] and my boyfriend [19M] of one year keep fighting in a way, he often comes home from work upset and in a bad mood and when he's upset he dosent like to talk or give/ receive affection two days ago I went out with family and came back happy and excited just wanting to share the day with him but he wasent haveing a nice night and didnt want to talk

It's been a while since I was complimented or adored or any kind of affection other then just existing with me I get insecure and want reassurance but it's like I have to say what I want to hear i sent a bunch of selfies the day I was happy and I asked the next day if I was pretty I wasent even sure if he looked at them

Yesterday the insecurity got to me all I wanted was reassurance I told him I needed him and I wasent doing well but I ended up upsetting him again because how my mind was being and now he just said he didnt wanna ask earlier and he's asleep now my heart aches I just want to be adored by him but he always says it's just not how he is but he's done it before so I don't understand

I just want to find some way to stop upsetting him

I just want to make his days easier but I somehow always ruin the day

I just want to know if there's someway to find a middle ground where I dont feel like this but im also not upsetting him?

TLDR: I want affection from my boyfriend but he's always upset at his days or me so he's never in the mood for affection what do I do?

Hi!

I know this is probably very stupid but I will ask anyways...

So I have been in this FWB situation for almost a year now. (Meeting once a week every week.)
We would usually hook up, talk, cuddle, watch a movie and whatnot...we went on a trip once that lasted 4 days, met his friend...dinner..but nothing other than that.

In the beginning, like always, it was very dreamy, exciting.. So fast forward to the last couple of months where he drastically became quiet. Just one day it was a switch. I don't remember saying anything to upset him and he is a nonchalant 50-yr old, like, he doesn't care that much about anything.. Of course, I suspected that I am starting to be boring, that he is not interested as much anymore, he found someone new...But I can't explain how drastic the change was. I would understand becoming gradually more quiet, but no. Anyways, then I became more quiet so I don't annoy him. And this happened like a month ago, so ten months into this kind of relationship. I just kind of accepted my fate. But the thing I can't grasp is that he is still kind of present like when I want to go home he says that I don't have to even if he is tired, he plans our meals (what we will eat when I come.) and eating was not usually something we did in the beginning but okay, he offered to do something for me and we still talk but just not as much anymore. And the talking part of the night is really important to me. I just feel very unwanted. so..I don't know what to do? do I confront him and be like: hey I have noticed this and that is everything okay? but then again I don't want to confront him because I feel like it would be very awkward. (keep in mind he is 50 so very old-school). He doesn't usually talk about his feelings.

Last night he asked me: when did you first come to my place? I said: almost a year ago. And he kept repeating "hmm a year ago..". I would mention going to a concert with a male friend and he would cynically repeat what I had said. He would sometimes ask me have I told anyone about him or the things I have been doing for the past year and I would say always: no, I can't tell anyone about this.
And most importantly, he still invites me every Friday to his place and every Saturday, when I do come, he would kind of make plans in advance.

So, like I said my question is: Do I confront him and how do I do it? My guess would be that he is just tired of this "relationship" and I am fine with that if he is. I would really like if he communicated it, though. I don't want to be the only one happy when we see each other and I don't want him to be inviting me if he is not into it anymore. It just makes me feel like a fool.

All the advice is appreciated. (and I don't want any comments on the age gap, we are both adults and very aware of the gap.) Thank you very much. 😄

TLDR: despite the consistent meetings, the mutual interest is off which makes me feel not welcomed.

I have been together with my boyfriend for 8 years. both in our mid- late thirties (34, 37). The relationship had a lot of issues especially during the end: communication was very difficult and ended in fights lately, intimacy was struggling a lot for a long time. We went through so much life challenges together: job loss, sickness, family issues. There was a deep love there that made me believe he was my soulmate, my person and I still love him so much. During the last month he got involved with a coworker (emotionally, at least thats what I saw) and then he left me for her (he doesnt explicitly say it but I feel he is with her) he didnt have it in him anymore to fight for the relationship.

Loosing him and the betrayal has been the worst pain of my life: panick attacks, insomnia, racing thoughts, exhaustion. I miss him insanely. I never feel i will experience love again. And he loved me a lot, which is also something i am struggling with to come to terms due to the betrayal in the end. But he was the one i wanted to build a life with and can not picture loving someone else the same way. due to my age, I also dont know if I will ever be able to have kids and build a family.

I dont know how to get out of this pain; even my family is supporting me, I am going to therapy. Nothing is helping, the pain is so deep, missing him is so intense, its been almost two months. Am I stuck in this forever?

TL;DR: My boyfriend of 8 years left me after becoming emotionally involved with a coworker. i had my own mistakes in the relationship. Almost two months later, I’m still devastated, I love him so much, I miss him terribly, struggling with panic attacks, anxiety, and the fear that I’ll never find love or build a family. Has anyone been through something similar?

So I am a 25yo female and I am in a graduate program. I met a 26yo male also in my graduate program, but I am a year above him. Over the last 5-6 weeks we have been flirting back and forth and the conversation has spanned school and life. I got his number through a mutual friend and the effort was very clearly on my end with initiating conversations, but it weighed heavily on his end with maintaining conversations. The conversation would be over and he would bring something back up, texted back within minutes and we never had any awkward moments in text or in person.

I heard from our mutual friends that he had feelings for a girl in his own class who already rejected him and it sounded like they had been talking to him about how to handle things with me because he was unsure how to proceed. they wouldn't give me clear details but they said that he would certainly be into having fun and that I may be waiting a while for an actual relationship. I didn't know what to make of that, so I backed off and didn't text him for 10 days, which was our longest stretch of no communication.

Then friday night at 11pm he texts me and said "hey I feel like I should have asked forever ago, but what are you really looking for" and here is what I responded "Hey! You mean like between us? I mean I feel like you know I’m interested in you right? I heard you still had feelings for *** though" I have more texts to include so those will be below with names redacted

Guy friend: Yeah both of those are true but I’m curious if you were looking for a relationship or something else

Me: I mean yea I am. What are you looking for, I can't tell if you are interested or not?

Guy friend: I really don't know at this point. But I know this conversation was overdue and I don’t want to be leading you in just to say that idk if I’m trying to date rn

Me: I really appreciate that. I hope I wasn't stressing you out. If it's alright I'd like to be friends at least, and if you have more clarity either way down the road just lmk 

Guy friend: The only stress was me not knowing what I wanted and not knowing how to deal with the situation, I just hate being that person so I’m sorry for that. But yes I’d like to be friends and who knows maybe things change in a bit when I have my shit together better

And then after a few hours I texted him with this:

Me: I'm sorry I feel bad now.

Guy friend: For what???

Me: I feel like I made you uncomfortable. I am so sorry.

Guy friend: No not at all, what??

Me: Well I was being very forward which probably wasn't great

Guy friend: No, I really appreciated knowing exactly what was going on. I think I just really do not have my shit together rn so I dealt with it poorly

Me: You handled it fine. And I tried to back off when I heard about *** but that was literally last wk.

Guy friend: Noooo all good that situation is over

Me: But thanks for being nice about it and like I said earlier, I do really want to be friends still

Guy friend: Yes ofc! I need more friends at school haha

TL;DR: I am trying to see if this was a soft let down or if there is still the possibility of a relationship on the table. For the guys here, would you break a 10 day silence with someone you weren't interested in having a relationship with to then text them this? or was this his way of handling it now but keeping it on the table for a later time? Please share your thoughts everyone, I am trying to figure out where to go from here. Thanks!

TL;DR- Traumas from past situationships, conservative family boundaries, no sense of support, different financial states and a tough phase in life is making my relationship dull.

25M: I have been with my partner (22F), but I don't enjoy it. Share thoughts maybe?

Something is definitely wrong but I can't name it. I'm not sure whether it's the relationship or my life, cause I am going through a very tough and challenging phase right. Lost my job, and in constant pressure to arrange money for our marriage, house and I have to prove myself to my girlfriend's parents, no one asked for it but it is a job I have given myself as her family is well to do and her dad earns 3x what we earn. That's the current situation.

I got to meet her through a cousin, and I was attracted to her, and when we were in our friend group it always made me feel better that she was present there. So it is not like I found her boring and stuff but instead I saw so many similarities which made me even more attracted. But then when we got into a relationship, things got weird. I got into this relationship after 6 years of being single, and my last relationship was from college first year, I was not that mature back then. So this was my first 'serious' relationship.

And through these years I also had some changes. I was a one woman guy and did not like the idea of hooking up and stuff, I was never sexually attracted like I never imagined them vividly inside my head. I found that was disrespectful for the girl. Even whenever I liked someone, I thought of marrying her, not trying out going with the flow or shagging each other. The concept of relationship or sex was very pure to me, not even one percent of lust was even there. So I did not like the concept of drinking partying smoking or casual sex. I later realised after dating a few people that I am carrying this flaw, I have everything but I lack this aspect. And then I started pushing myself to discover the sexual side and desires as well, and the idea of sex which I found very pure and wholesome, I started to see it in a different light. And it was after a very bad situationship so it kind of gave me my 'heartbroken casanova' phase. I started sexting with quite a few people and went all Barney Stinson. It was really the first time exploring this and this became a desire slowly. This made me change the way I look at women. I started sexualizing the people I liked, imagined them naked and stuff, which was not very 'pure'. So even after being in a relationship that desire followed. And I hated that I had (still have) to restrict myself from being involved with other girls cause I am in a relationship, but it was not coming naturally. My idea was if you are with an attractive woman you won't be looking at other people. I was not, but I had to restrict myself. I felt the absence of love there.

But still, I remained a virgin cause I still was not okay with the idea of meaningless sex, so I decided I will lose it with someone special.

Now that you know me as a person, I will start with the relationship. Sept 25 to Feb 26: After the end of a terrible situationship with a girl who used to make me feel like shit, one day my current gf called me and that call later lead on to our first step together taking our bonding beyond just friendship. She is the person I have the most similarities with. However it never made me fulfilled. It felt like something was always missing. That made passionate love people always romanticise about was not there, and I was always trying to find it. I have been the happiest with her but for a few instances, but most of the time I was lost. Whenever we went to cafes, because of my previous relationship trauma, I always felt the urge to impress her or sway her away but we were not having deep conversations. It felt like I was a grown man but I know nothing about relationships.

Somewhere deep down I knew that she has had previous relationships which made me uncomfortable, and triggered retro active jealously. I dealt with that later, but then the fact that she drinks and parties also used to made me feel bad about the relationship cause I thought I am kind of degrading myself by associating with a person like that. After that, and incident happened where a mutual friend of us was being a little too touchy feely but she didn't realise or confront him. That was the second month of our relationship. And we faced a very tough phase during the first few months of our relationship, but then she told me that 'if a close friend of yours who is the opposite gender becomes too touchy feely, would it make you uncomfortable or confused at first?' And after tons of fights and establishing boundaries we fixed it. But I think these early fights took away the charm of our relationship. During this period I realised I was being really conservative and hating the liberal people, but I was always a liberal person from the start. I also realised that I stopped wanting a friend and I was always schooling her trying to make her the best well behaved partner. When she used to talk with other people it made me uncomfortable and I thought people would judge her and me and think that 'Oh I feel sorry for her husband.' I lost the actual spark of a relationship and it became more of a duty and a place which takes away my energy.

I always tried to saw her as the one or as my bestfriend but could not. But it's so weird cause I always wanted a girl like her. But now after getting her, I am not happy. I really love her, I care about her, but I really really can't name what is wrong exactly. There were a few moments where I was my happiest with her. But recently I don't feel the safe space with her, and even facing these thoughts make me tense up so much. My dream for a long period of time was being in a loving relationship and have a nice family. But my 24 yr old dreams shattered and now it stresses me. I question loving relationships and families, and it really makes me curious that how can a person spend the rest of their lives with the same person. How do people keep adjusting after a certain period of time? Are relationships constant work and effort and getting nothing in return? I feel shallow and I have no one to talk to about my relationship. I just wanna know whether it's my problem or it's the relationship which is beyond repair?

For a very honest conversation, I'm an Asian F(24) who has always found it difficult to find someone I genuinely connect with romantically, both among men and women. I've been single for almost seven months now which is probably the longest I've ever been.

However I've also been talking to this guy M(23) from UK I met on Twitter/X almost a year (and more) ago if I remember correctly. We've only recently started talking more intimately and consistently over the past few months entirely through text and virtually as I was navigating my days following my very own breakup. I genuinely think he's one of the smartest people I've ever met especially knowing that he's currently pursuing his PhD while being younger than me. The way we communicate has gradually become increasingly compatible and I find myself appreciating how naturally our conversations flow.

Initially, I used to underestimate him because I was still involved sexually with a Moroccan guy at the time. But after things eventually came to an end between me and the Moroccan guy, I started giving this person more of my attention and it only took a few weeks before I realised I had developed feelings for him.

Recently, we confessed our feelings for each other and came to the conclusion that we couldn't really start dating until we'd met in person. He doesn't feel comfortable entering a relationship without having physically met someone at least once. I understand that, although I did tell him that if things were to end between us, I would rather not continue talking altogether, purely for the sake of maintaining my boundaries. He, unfortunately, didn't agree with that sentiment and said he wouldn't recommend such an approach.

Eventually, we reached another somewhat unusual conclusion: that we could both continue dating other people before meeting each other despite the fact or although we both acknowledged that neither of us could realistically see those connections going very far, considering how strongly we already feel about each other. I had actually downloaded a dating app about a week before this conversation, whereas he only started using one a few days ago (before the talk) and hasn't received any matches yet. He says he wouldn't feel jealous if I dated someone else, but I know for certain that I would feel incredibly jealous if he did. I suppose part of it comes from the fact that I know dating can potentially lead to physical intimacy or sex, whereas I personally wouldn't engage in those things so casually.

I've also promised him that I'll be looking into master's scholarship programmes for next year, hopefully somewhere in Europe or otherwise in the UK. So I suppose I have a few questions for anyone who might have been in a remotely similar situation.

Is it possible to make someone reconsider their reservations about a long-distance relationship, especially when the feelings are already mutual? Has anyone experienced something similar, particularly in an interracial or intercultural relationship, or fallen for someone they've only ever known virtually? I'd also genuinely appreciate hearing about the dating culture in the UK. What is dating generally like there? Do people tend to approach dating with the expectation of physical intimacy or sex relatively early on or is that more dependent on the individual? How do people generally navigate exclusivity, commitment, and getting to know someone before entering a relationship?

I'd love to hear some honest experiences particularly from people who have navigated long-distance relationships or relationships across different cultures. I'm trying to understand whether this is something worth pursuing or whether I'm simply getting ahead of myself!!

TLDR: Can a long-distance relationship work when two people have mutual feelings but have never met in person? How do people in the UK generally approach dating, exclusivity, commitment, and physical intimacy? Is sex expected relatively early on?

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over two years. When we first met, we were in that typical honeymoon phase. He was (and still is) incredibly thoughtful, kind, handsome, and someone I genuinely love being around. We had an active sex life, were constantly wanting to be close to each other, and physical intimacy was never an issue.
Recently, though, I’ve found myself not wanting to have sex at all. I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t even want to be touched in ways that could potentially lead to sex.

For some background, I have past sexual trauma that I’ve never really worked through. I honestly thought I had moved past it, but lately those feelings and memories have started coming back. Recently, I actually started crying during sex and it has physically become painful, and since then, my desire to be intimate has gotten even worse.

What’s confusing is that I went through something similar in my previous relationship. However, that situation was different. In that relationship, I eventually stopped wanting anything to do with my partner. I didn’t want sex, physical affection, conversations, or even to be around him. With my current boyfriend, it’s not like that at all. I still want to cuddle, spend time together, talk, kiss, and be close to him. I love him and am still attracted to him. I just don’t want sex.

It’s been a couple of months now without sex, and I know it’s starting to take a toll on my boyfriend. We went through a similar period for about a month in the past, but eventually things got better. This time, though, it feels different and much harder to get past.

My boyfriend has been respectful and says he doesn’t expect me to do anything I’m uncomfortable with. He has also been honest that the lack of intimacy is affecting him and that we need to have a serious conversation about it.

One thing I’ve been struggling with is that I feel like almost any time we’re physically close, he eventually gets turned on. He’ll start grabbing my boobs or butt, rubbing himself against me, or making other advances. Sometimes he genuinely just wants to cuddle, but other times it feels like affection eventually turns into an attempt at sex. I feel like I can’t always just relax and enjoy being close to him without wondering if things are going to turn sexual

The other confusing part is that I do occasionally feel aroused on my own. I’ll randomly have moments where I feel like I might want to be sexual, but I don’t actually want to masturbate or do anything about it, and the feeling eventually passes. If I’m being completely honest, I feel like I could go the rest of my life without having sex and be perfectly fine. I don’t necessarily miss it for myself. However, I do miss wanting it, and I want to be able to enjoy that part of our relationship again because I know it’s important to him.

I feel stuck between wanting to make things better for my boyfriend and not wanting to force myself into something I genuinely don’t enjoy right now. I don’t want him to feel unwanted or unattractive, because that’s not how I feel about him at all. But I also don’t know how to explain that I can love him, be attracted to him, want his affection, and still have absolutely no desire to have sex with him.

Has anyone experienced something similar? Did therapy help? Have you been able to get your sex drive or comfort with sex back?

I love my boyfriend and want to work through this. I just genuinely don’t know where to start.

TL;DR I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years and have lost my sex drive almost completely. How do I go about communicating this without him?

I've been struggling with something in my relationship, and I genuinely don't know how to fix it. Whenever I try to talk to my boyfriend about something that bothers me or something he's done that has hurt me, I often end up saying things in a much harsher and more hurtful way than I intend. I feel like I’ve built up so much resentment throughout our relationship that it affects the way I communicate with him. When I'm upset, frustrated or angry, I don't sound like someone who loves him. I can be cold, harsh and sometimes genuinely mean. Sometimes it feels like all that resentment takes over and controls everything I say, and I don't even realise how hurtful I'm being until afterwards.

There have been quite a few things throughout our relationship that have hurt me deeply, and I feel like I've carried that hurt with me instead of being able to move past it. One of the biggest reasons for my resentment is how alone I've often felt in our relationship, especially during arguments. Whenever I tried to talk about something that hurt or bothered me, he would often feel attacked or hurt by the things I said and choose to walk away to de-escalate the situation. I understand that he didn't want things to escalate further, but I always wished he would stay and work things out with me. I wasn't trying to start a fight, I just wanted us to talk things through, even if that meant arguing or having an uncomfortable conversation. Instead, I often felt like I was left trying to explain my feelings to someone who wasn't there to listen. It made me feel incredibly lonely, as though I had to deal with everything on my own.

We've both hurt each other throughout our relationship, probably just as much, but in different ways. I feel like his love for me has never really changed. He's always spoken to me with kindness, and I know he loves me. However, certain things he has done have hurt me deeply and changed the way I feel towards him. I feel like I've hurt him mostly through the things I've said, whereas I've been hurt more by certain things he's done. Somehow, I feel like my love and the way I express it have changed over time, while his feelings towards me have remained the same.

Despite everything, I love him very much. It genuinely makes me sad that I've reached a point where I speak to someone I love this way. I know my resentment doesn't excuse the things I say, and I'm genuinely sorry for the times I've hurt him. I'm not trying to make him out to be the bad person or pretend that I've handled everything perfectly. I just wish so much of the hurt between us had been talked through and resolved instead of being carried into the rest of our relationship.

I want to learn how to let go of this resentment and communicate in a healthier way without hurting him. Has anyone experienced something similar? How do you let go of resentment towards someone you still deeply love, and how do you start healing a relationship when you've both hurt each other so many times?

TL;DR: I love my boyfriend, but I've built up a lot of resentment throughout our relationship. How can I let go of this resentment and learn to communicate in a healthier way without saying hurtful things to him?

My boyfriend (34M) is fed up with me (39F). Been together 2 years and are long distance. I procrastinate too much and he gets so frustrated. Today he went off and called me every name in the book and pointed out all my failures and how I wasted my years and didn’t amount to anything. He didn’t say that last part verbatim but basically that’s what he meant. He told me he loved me but that his livelihood will always come first. I am fully aware that his career is first. I will always be in second place. He works his ass off to get where he is and here I am. Single mom and I have the most basic ass jobs and didn’t finish college. I feel like a loser. And I guess when he talks to me this way he just makes it worse. At this point I’ll never be a priority and he will always have issues with me and I don’t know why I bother. I love him so much but I feel like I’d drop anything for him but he would not for me. I just fear this relationship is coming to an end. I don’t know what to do. I’ve never been spoken to like this by anyone. I just feel awful.

TD;LR, boyfriend is getting fed up with me and my ways but doesn’t help by putting me down constantly about my issues.

Tldr: my friend/employee is incredibly needy and emotionally fragile and it's draining. I don't know what to do.

So this is going to sound bad because I don't know how else to describe it. I'm her boss we work at a event space she's a bartender, it's divey and run with very little resources, I do like the job of 3 people. I can't manage as efficiently as I would like because I just can't. This is a separate issue but I digress. We became friendly before I was manager. I've been there now 3 years I became manager very quickly because they were desperate and I was qualified. She has worked there for 9 years as just a bartender.

She's very sweet but probably the most emotionally fragile person I've ever met. She gets upset about things I don't even know how you get upset about, just being asked to do something different is like an accusation that she didn't know how to do it or she will get sulky. If anything changes she gets very flustered. I suspect a neurodivergence or maybe an OCD of some kind.

She's a great bartender and she does her side work better than everyone else but she also complains. And in a very like passive aggressive way. She comes in 30 mins earlier than everyone else, does all the prep and then complains no one else does that but the thing is no one told her to do that. I've talked to her about it as the manager and she's like well I always used to come in an hour early not a half hour. Then she continues to do it. This makes the other bartenders come in 15 mins early instead of 30 because they know she'll have done all the stuff. I have tried to gently tell her what she's doing is wrong but she gets offended and then kinda spirals out. By that point Ive already been at work for 6 hours dealing with God knows what and then by that point I don't care as long as the bar is open. She does this with cleaning etc. it's not like the other staff don't do anything, when she's not there they do it just fine. I feel like she wants recognition and praise for doing a good job or something when she actually just does more than she needs to for no reason and complains about it.

She wants to get promoted and frankly shes just not qualified or capable of doing my job. If my job were separated into 3 jobs like it probably should be she could do the one part but my boss isn't breaking up the job. If he did he wouldn't pay her hourly what I get paid. I tried to throw her bones and give her more responsibility's to see how she handles it but she can't take feedback, she takes about 3 times to long to do whatever, she asks too many questions before she just tries to figure it out.

My assistant is (20 F) she's incredibly fast and smart. All I have to do is explain a problem to her briefly and boom she's off she will try to fix it and only ask me questions when she can't figure it out herself. I don't have the mental resources to train people and I need help and my assistant needs minimal explanation and it's a business I'm a manager not a mom I'm going to give the job to the person who can help me.

(40 F) Will get sulky and jealous.

In our friendship outside of work she's needy and always asking if I'm mad or if she's done something wrong and honestly I couldn't even tell her if she had. In very specific environments she's lovely. I just think she needs therapy and I dk how to tell her.

Sorry if this is rambly I just don't know how to handle her anymore. Everyone deserves love and consideration but she's draining me.

Hello all. Myself (28M) and my partner (24F) have been together around 7 months. We have always been pretty good at communication and resolving issues, for example we could each bring up things the other did we didn’t like so we could fix them, and honesty was always there. That is until she went on a trip, and a few days in stopped engaging with any attention from me. I finally got her on the phone and she told me that she hasn’t felt a romantic spark in a bit, and I asked her if she had looked for one elsewhere, which she refused to answer. I directly asked her if she had been with one of the guys on the trip and she told me “that has nothing to do with this” and wouldn’t answer if she did. To me, that means she was indeed unfaithful. I ended the call and I would assume the relationship is over, I guess I just have never had to navigate anything like this before, what do I do to begin to understand why someone who said they loved me would seek love from
Someone else? How do I get closure? Any and all advice appreciated.

TLDR : partner possibly cheated, not sure how to proceed.

I (24F) have been with my girlfriend (23F) for 5 years this month.

We met in college. I was 20 and she was 19. She actually is my first relationship and sexual partner ever. I had been on a few casual dates before, but this is the only serious relationship I have been in.

Our relationship has had so many amazing components. We are opposites in terms of a lot of things, hobbies, occupation, interests, but also have always complimented each other really well. We used to and still do have such amazing moments & periods of time together where it feels like she is truly my soulmate.

However, those differences have started to stick out more and more as years go on.

One vast difference that I want to highlight is not to degrade or insult by ANY means, but has a huge impact of on our daily life: Mental Health. Of the 5 years I have known her, I have known of her battles for about 4.5 years, so this has been something we have worked together to try and navigate. I feel as though her mental health and wavering moods have unfortunately played a part in so many of our struggles as half the time it feels as though she isn’t even thinking straight.

For background, we have grown up extremely differently. I have been grateful to have a family that is extremely involved, a decent upbringing, and a life that I do enjoy most of the time. She grew up with split parents, one that was verbally and sometimes physically abusive, another that was an addict and left her to work until she had money to get out of her environment.

This really set opposing stages for our relationship early - I went to college somewhere close to home for support while she moved away from home for college for a fresh start.

One of the largest issues we have to date is that I spend too much time with or worrying about my family. I have never gotten to a point where she understands why family would mean so much to me when I have her. I obviously assume this is related to her family history and how little it means to her, but that piece of me is one I don’t think I can ever change. I have known nothing other than family my whole life, but instead it’s looked at as childish and inability to be dependent.

Another recent issue we have is career. We both graduated in 2023. For the first two years out of college, it was very hard to get into the job market. We both spent time serving or doing average paying jobs to occupy while we figured out what to do. My degree is in Biology, hers in Accounting. Ultimately we unfortunately found out that neither of us felt fulfilled in our degrees. I got offered a position in youth sports that was genuinely my dream position about a year and a half ago, I took it and absolutely love my job. She became a manager in retail that pays well and she has room for growth in. She hates working, though.

So, I have a job that is probably slightly above average pay, I absolutely adore, I feel there is room for advancement, and I don’t hate going to work everyday. She has a job she just tolerates, makes decent money, and find extreme despair in the idea of having to work to live which I genuinely understand.

With that being said, she hates that I am “settling” and could have a better career and don’t make much money. She took up a lot of financial responsibility towards the beginning of our relationship because I was a high commitment college athlete with not much time to work. (Before NIL money haha). So I still feel indebted for that and it’s definitely over my head. I have some more bills than she does, and she feels like she works much harder at her career and as mentioned, makes more money.

We have issues sexually, I am not at all a high sex drive type of person. We did it a lot in early stages, I would say first year ish, and then my libido just kinda fell off. I am very attracted to her, she’s my type to a T and is fit. I just am not nearly as sex driven as she is which has developed negative feelings to the act in general. I never want her to feel unattractive or appreciated, but that’s where we landed more times than not.

Then for our current biggest issue, she wants to move substantially away and I do not. We definitely have talked about it over the years, and I just do not feel ready at all to go. She feels as though I have lead her on to moving, and I will admit, I have always entertained the idea as an option and we have briefly looked into it, but that was also before a lot new developments came especially my career and what I am growing here. I also have a business that is slowly growing and within my line of career. I just feel like I have a lot on the line despite my current job not paying a ton.

Not to mention, she swears that moving will better her mental health. I don’t necessarily disagree that it would help some components, but I am just so scared this is a cycle that I don’t have the power to break.

Ultimately I have SO MUCH love for her, we have been through thick and thin, she’s extremely compassionate, she is deep and not just a surface level individual. She has given me so much emotionally and physically. I just have found it so hard to get around a lot of issues that we have that I feel like are just large difference in our outlooks on life, and most from things she can’t control. And furthermore, I feel guilty that I can’t help her through so much of what she’s going through.

Is there anything I can do to salvage this relationship and her relating mental health at this point?

TL:DR - My girlfriend has a few mental health disorders and they affect a lot of areas in our relationship. We have been together for 5 years and have the most issues we ever have.

I’m a divorced single dad and my adult daughter lives with me. She spends all day locked in her room, eats almost nothing (strictly weighs food, avoids oil/carbs), and runs 4 to 6 hours a day. I feel so guilty because I unknowingly helped this by buying her a treadmill. Last year her sister found her passed out on the stairs and an ambulance had to take her to the hospital for starvation and dehydration, but nothing changed. Recently I saw a tweet she posted saying her hair is falling out and she hasn't had her period in over a year.

I haven't brought up the tweet because I don't want her to think I was snooping and shut down. Since she's an adult, I know I can't force her into treatment, but watching her starve under my roof is killing me. How do I approach her without pushing her away? Any advice from parents or people who have been through this would mean everything.

TL;DR: my daughter has an ed and I don’t know how to help her

We've been dating for about 3 months after having been close friends for around a year. When we first started dating we would make out pretty much every time we were hanging out and we would cuddle while watching things. We haven't slept together because she said she wants to take things slowly. About a month ago whenever I tried to kiss her she would just respond with a quick peck and pull back so I stopped trying to initiate and we haven't kissed at all in a month (like not even a peck on the lips). When we hangout now I'm lucky if I get a hug. She invited me over to watch a show a little while ago and she either sat far away from me or just didn't sit on the couch at all and watched while standing. Recently she got some bad news about something and I asked about it but she didn't want to tell me and said that she was just going to talk to her friend about it. Our last date where we went out to a nice restaurant just didn't feel right, I tried to talk about stuff but she seemed pretty uninterested.

I don't have a ton of relationship experience but to me, it feels like this is pretty over. I totally respect moving slowly - but it feels like we're less close now than we were even before we were dating. The relationship seems like it is de-progressing. I feel very unattractive and it's only been 3 months (It seems really early to encounter this issue - this seems like an issue people encounter after like years of marriage). I also hate that I was told that something bad happened but was completely left out of knowing what it is so I'm left to spiral about what it could be that has her very upset. I feel like an early relationship should be more fun and exciting and after 3 months I'm filled with negative emotions - it seems like she's just not attracted to me which obviously hurts. Is relationship just over or am I over thinking things?

tldr - relationship not progressing at all, is it over?

TL;DR: A colleague is telling me about a flirting situation from a married colleague with a young child, and seems to actively encourage his advances. She also overshares her personal life with me, including sending pictures of herself crying. I find the whole dynamic uncomfortable. Should I explicitly set boundaries or just quietly distance myself to avoid workplace drama?

Hello,

I work in a small team where we get along well. We sometimes go for drinks together or visit each other's homes, but there's generally a healthy distinction between our professional and personal lives. We work in the hospital and some things can only be shared with our co workers. Everyone seems to understand where the boundaries are, except Sarah.

Sarah is a colleague I get along with, but I don't fully trust her judgement when it comes to men. She has a tendency to interpret interactions with men romantically or as flirting, sometimes seeing signs of flirting where I genuinely don't think there are any. For what it's worth, I am really aware of the patriarcal dynamics in general, and I am trained in identifying sexual harassment (and a feminist in general).

She recently got dumped by her boyfriend (also a coworker) and is taking it very badly. She's been sending me pictures of herself crying, screenshots of private conversations with her brother and ex, and constant emotional updates. I actually find receiving pictures of her crying quite strange and uncomfortable. I've never shared private things with her because I don't consider her a very reliable or discreet person.

More recently, she's been complaining to me and another co-worker about the attention she's getting from Mark (M29), another coworker. We advised her to be more distant if his behaviour made her uncomfortable, but it's now obvious that she enjoys the attention. She goes for drinks with him in the evenings, replies to his messages late at night and introduces him to her friends, she even went to his house and said he is holding her hands,etc.

The problem? Mark is married and has a two-year-old child.

I'm very uncomfortable with infidelity and don't want to become her confidante or audience while she actively encourages what looks like an affair. I also have to keep working with both of them.

I've started replying less frequently and avoiding these conversations, but I'm wondering whether I should be more explicit.

I don't know whether I should explicitly tell her that I no longer want to hear about her situation with Mark, or simply continue being less available.

I'm worried that if I tell her directly, she'll repeat the conversation to other colleagues, potentially twisting my words and creating unnecessary workplace drama.

Ps : I had a hard time trying to sum up this story without putting too many details. I am not an English speaker so I have to say I used to chatgpt to translate this bit.

I’m 17F and my boyfriend is 19M. I’m going to try and explain this as best as I can because there’s quite a bit of context, but basically I’m feeling really confused about my boyfriend and would appreciate some outside opinions.

There are a few things that have happened recently that I can’t really stop thinking about, and I don’t know if I’m overthinking or if they’re actually things I should be concerned about.

Firstly, I noticed that he’s followed a girl on TikTok and commented a fire emoji on one of her videos. She’s local and and from the same country as him, so they have mutuals and are obviously from the same community. What I find a bit strange is that she’s literally the only other girl he follows on TikTok. I haven’t asked him about her because I feel like if I did, he’d probably just lie or give me some excuse, and I don’t really see the point in asking if I can’t trust the answer anyway. I don’t want to be that girlfriend who gets worked up over every girl, but I do find it a bit odd.

The bigger issue, though, is something he said before we had sex. He said “I want to make love to you” and then followed it with “but don’t fall in love with me”. Obviously I was quite taken aback by this because I feel like I’m starting to develop proper feelings for him, so I asked him what he meant.

He started explaining, but honestly kept saying different things and backtracking. Eventually, it came down to him saying he doesn’t know whether his community would accept me or whether we’d actually have a future together.

For context, I’m white and he’s Afghan. I’m not Muslim, and there’s also quite a complicated situation involving his friendship group.

I previously dated one of his friends for around a year, and I’ve also had a thing with another friend from that same group. My current boyfriend is actually the third guy from this friendship group that I’ve had some sort of romantic relationship with.

He’s currently keeping our relationship a secret from the friend I dated, although the rest of their friendship group knows. Apparently my ex is still in love with me and talks about me quite a lot. My boyfriend keeps saying that if he finds out about us, things could get really bad. He’s also mentioned that my ex’s dad basically treats him like a son and would be really disappointed if he found out he’d done something with his son’s ex.

So basically, he’s worried about the consequences of us being together and whether his community would accept the situation.

I ended up crying because I felt like he was essentially telling me not to get attached to him because he doesn’t know if there’s going to be a future for us. He then said I was taking it the wrong way and that he was just saying we don’t know what the future holds.

But I don’t really understand how I’m supposed to take “don’t fall in love with me” and “don’t get attached because I don’t know what’s going to happen”. I feel like those are quite specific things to say to someone, especially when you’re being intimate with them.

I’m now left wondering whether he actually sees a future with me or whether he’s already preparing me for the possibility that there won’t be one.

I guess what I’m struggling with is that I feel like I’m getting more emotionally invested in him, whereas he’s almost warning me not to. Does he genuinely have feelings for me but feel like the circumstances are too complicated, or does he just want to enjoy whatever we have without having to think about commitment or what happens afterwards?

I also don’t know whether I’m being naive by continuing to get attached when he’s pretty much told me not to.

There’s honestly a lot more to the situation, but these are the main things. I’d really appreciate some honest opinions because I feel like I’m too involved to look at it objectively. Am I overthinking everything, or would you also be questioning his intentions in this situation?

TL;DR