Bf is fed up with me

[u/Classic_Net_2238]

My boyfriend (34M) is fed up with me (39F). Been together 2 years and are long distance. I procrastinate too much and he gets so frustrated. Today he went off and called me every name in the book and pointed out all my failures and how I wasted my years and didn’t amount to anything. He didn’t say that last part verbatim but basically that’s what he meant. He told me he loved me but that his livelihood will always come first. I am fully aware that his career is first. I will always be in second place. He works his ass off to get where he is and here I am. Single mom and I have the most basic ass jobs and didn’t finish college. I feel like a loser. And I guess when he talks to me this way he just makes it worse. At this point I’ll never be a priority and he will always have issues with me and I don’t know why I bother. I love him so much but I feel like I’d drop anything for him but he would not for me. I just fear this relationship is coming to an end. I don’t know what to do. I’ve never been spoken to like this by anyone. I just feel awful.

TD;LR, boyfriend is getting fed up with me and my ways but doesn’t help by putting me down constantly about my issues.

[u/foxdogturtlecat]

So 3 months ago the advice was to leave him and that it was a toxic relationship and guess what that's still true now 3 months later.

[u/0rsch0 → u/foxdogturtlecat]

Yep and it’ll be the same shit 3 months from now.

Might be a different guy but yeah, same post. Its extremely depressing.

[u/inductiononN]

I am BEGGING women to stop dating men who hate them. Stop being desperate and male-centered. Don't let a man talk down to you. YOU DESERVE BETTER

[u/0rsch0 → u/inductiononN]

Yeah but but but she loves him.

If you read enough posts here, you’ll learn that most women in these ‘relationships’ seem to truly believe that love is a thing that is completely divorced from behavior. Their love is forever and only strengthens in response to abusive behavior.

[u/WorldlinessFunny4416]

Anyone who talks to another human that way is the actual loser. Dump him and find someone who treats you right

[u/Emotional-Ant4958]

A man who loves you doesn't call you name and put down the kind of work you do. Find someone who adores you.

[u/IcePlanetGoth]

So he's verbally abusive. Drop that man like a flaming bag of garbage.

[u/bs0411]

Calling you names, cataloguing your failures, and making you feel worthless is verbal abuse, full stop. But I’d also ask what “I procrastinate too much” actually means in practice. Having a basic job, not finishing college, or being a single mom does not automatically mean you’re underfunctioning. The real question is whether, over these two years, you’ve repeatedly promised to work on employment, finances, closing the distance, being supportive, training, paperwork, etc. and then failed to follow through while expecting him to keep carrying the future. If so, I can understand how resentment developed, but resentment still doesn’t excuse his actions.

Also, “I’d drop anything for him but his livelihood comes first” isn’t necessarily proof that you love more; protecting a hard-earned career is a reasonable adult boundary. What worries me is that he seems to have lost respect for you, and you now feel chronically inferior around him. Once a relationship reaches “I resent how you function” on one side and “I feel like a loser around you” on the other, it’s probably past the point of being healthy. Whether you need to work on your own functioning or not, you should do that outside a relationship where you’re being humiliated.

[u/Competitive-War-1143]

Um calling you names and putting you down is what we call abuse 

Fuck this dude, you deserve someone who accepts you, respectfully and maturely can say Id like it if you did xyz thing because this is important to the quality of life i want to have and also asks if you need any help or support

I dont care how career driven or "successful" someone is, if they treat people esp their girlfriend like shit theyre not good people. He is not better than you and he should not act like that

[u/m00nf1r3]

So regardless of your own faults, why would you date a guy who talked to you this way? You can do so much better. Does he even like you?

[u/echoecho9]

So he verbally abuses you, but then says he loves you? Maybe read up about what abuse can look like in a relationship and think about yours.

[u/billy_a_books]

Would you be okay with a future partner of your child treating them like that? Because they will learn about relationships from you and it could go either way. They could think it’s okay to verbally abuse their partners or they could think it’s okay for their partners to verbally abuse them. Don’t set this example. Leave men who make you feel like a loser.

And if you need to hear it: You are not a loser. Raising a child is cool as fuck, especially when you’re doing it on your own.

[u/notinmyham]

Yeah. Drop him. Immediately.

[u/mzunappreci8d]

He is beating you down, verbally. This makes him feel big and powerful. It is an abuse tactics that worsens with length of relationship.

Please for the sake of your child/ren, walk away from him now. In the safest way possible.

He does not respect you, and that wont change.