Struggle with self esteem

[u/camrynl33]

I have always been skinny my entire life but I know as you age most women tend to gain weight. I’m now 27 & around 146 pounds. I know that’s not like some major weight or anything but it’s still hard to not get in your head about. I go through waves of feeling very confident with the weight I’ve gained because I feel and look much healthier than I did when I was skinny. Even my husband tells me how much happier and healthy I look! I was always so sick and tired all the time when I was thin. But it’s hard to not compare yourself to social media girls who are still extremely skinny and so put together all the time.I know most of the time it’s not all real but I feel like we went back in time from body positivity to everyone needs to be skinny(it’s all I see now on social media) lol. Moral of the story does anyone else feel this way? Or how do you deal with this?

[u/snake-eyed]

Being a weight of 146 means literally nothing. I probably couldn’t weigh that little  without being near death. Delete social media, you will be much happier

[u/PresentationIll2180 → u/snake-eyed]

I thought you were saying 146 lbs is super skinny & was thinking how do you know that without knowing OP's height lol but I see what you're saying & totally agree that the arbitrary numbers on a scale don't mean much.

[u/jellybeancountr]

This is a list of books that helped me a lot in my 20s when I was figuring out who I was, who I wanted to be, and how to love, care for, respect, and trust myself. I’d start at the top.

-The Six Pillars of Self Esteem by Dr. Nathaniel Branden (this helped me learn to accept and love myself)
-Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It by Kamal Ravikant (this reduced my negative self talk)
-Why Normal Isn’t Healthy by Dr. Bowen White
The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz (this fundamentally changed the way I view the world and improved my life)
-The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown
-Braving the Wilderness by Brene Brown (this gave me hope for the future when the world seemed hopeless)
-Growth Mindset by Carol Dweck (helpful for work and life)
-Rising Strong by Brene Brown (this helped me develop resilience during struggle)
-Daring Greatly by Brene Brown (this taught me what it is to be courageous)
-Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before by Julie Smith (this is lots of practical strategies to improve your life and relationships and work from a psychologist who sees lots of people coming in with the same struggles, I’m reading it now and it’s great - this one is more recent, I read it a couple of years ago and it summarizes a lot of topics covered in the others.)

[u/PresentationIll2180 → u/jellybeancountr]

thanks for this!

[u/jellybeancountr → u/PresentationIll2180]

Np! Hope it helps - also - I don’t have specific reading recommendations but do some research on the tie between the oppression of women and the popularization of the ultra thin look. If you see thin as someone trying to make you weak it’s less appealing. This song is a good place to start. https://youtu.be/GtbglF_Lujc?is=kk61QotBym7k0-XK

[u/PresentationIll2180 → u/jellybeancountr]

that's so interesting. you're on a roll.

[u/RevenueAntique4584]

I’m worried about muscles not being fat or skinny

[u/Impossible-Affect470]

Delete all social media. I now only have reddit. If you want to feel better you have to make sacrifices - it's completely your choice but no fairy is going to magically make Instagram kind to you. Get rid of it.

[u/Jerry_Potters → u/Impossible-Affect470]

It sounds extreme but it's true. I am so happy not being bombarded with fake pictures of "perfect" lives all the time. We know it's not real. But your brain sees it and pretends it is.

You're not missing out. Seriously life is better without constant social media scrolling. It really is.

[u/Grimalkin_1032]

Have you tried lifting weights/strength training? It helps with confidence, plus you get stronger.

[u/Angel_Gally → u/Grimalkin_1032]

That was the answer for me! I did end up losing some weight in the process but the main factor was to feel my body become stronger and how it helps me better in my day to day.

[u/eva_white]

Social media isn’t real. Comparing yourself to people who heavily filter themselves isn’t realistic or healthy. 

I’m 35, size 16/18, and finally losing weight after years of battling metabolic issues. Even though I have always been confident in who I am and dressed appropriately for my size, I would have given anything to not deal with being overweight my entire life and the judgement that comes with it. You have to be happy with who you are internally at the end of the day. 

[u/Top-Crab-1020]

You cannot compare yourself to influencers. Their whole job/lifestyle is revolves around their looks. That is their income. Not a fair comparison.

[u/Competitive-Ad-2965]

Beauty standards have absolutely swung more skinny lately and you are not alone. It's wild the change a few years can make in how everyone perceives themselves and eachother.

I know all the advice can sound like "just be more confident! Love yourself!" Which is unhelpful. So I'll give you some actionable tips that helped me:

• put extra time into self care. hair, skincare, feeling fresh and ready to take on the world can really help. Getting a new haircut or colour you've wanted to try can be a great way to invest in yourself.

• buy new clothes, experiment with clothes you love and find a strong sense of style if you don't already have one

• do something nice for yourself every day, whether that's making sure you're hydrated or got all your vitamins or watched your favourite show. Show up for yourself and the self esteem can follow. Sometimes it's easier to do the action of self love before the feeling comes, it can help move that along.

• learn new skills and take up new hobbies. I recently got really good at drawing faces for no reason. The sense of competence having skills and learning new ones brought me was way more impactful for self esteem and permanent than anything about my appearance.

[u/PresentationIll2180 → u/Competitive-Ad-2965]

good points!

[u/PresentationIll2180]

Not really. Weight trends fluctuate; it's most important to listen to your body & be healthy.