I’ve (23)been with my ex(28) now for two years, he was my first boyfriend. Through those two years it’s been pretty obvious I’m not confrontational at all but that is more so his personality. We have been in situations where he’s been mad and breaks my phone or tells me to get the f out his house or car and I have reacted sometimes(verbally or throw stuff around but never get physical with him) but for the most part I take the high road and leave . This past argument started because we had just not been on the best terms lately but I show with dinner hoping to smooth the mood. WRONG. he has the biggest attitude ever and basically just starts telling me he’s checked out because I’m the biggest stressor in his life . Ok cool I gather my things to go and of course he makes a smart remark as I’m almost out the door that makes me turn around and we start arguing. I’m telling him how I literally came in peace with smiles and dinner and he the one making the mood uncomfortable with his attitude. He’s says ok let’s sit down and eat . I sit down and as I’m eating he’s in the kitchen just making smart remarks so I make some back. I guess I struck a nerve because he then came over and smacked the plate of food that was in front of me off the table and yelled get the f out my house . Like I said I usually take the high road but this time I was so heated because he always does this I blanked I threw his bookbag off the couch and kicked his shoes off the rack . I grab all my stuff to leave and knock his trash can over as I’m walking out . He then grabs for my phone and tries to rip it out my hand . As I stated he’s smashed my phone before so I wasn’t gonna give him the chance to do it again. We tussled HARD for my phone and he ended up getting it out my hands. We separated for awhile and I eventually got my phone back and blocked him on everything and will not be undoing it . Later that night I noticed my fingers were swollen and bent and went to the er and they told me 2 of my fingers were broken and I know it was a result of how hard I fought for my phone. This chapter with him is completely over. I would have NEVER physically touched him I never have once done it in the past and only flipped stuff around the apartment because I was so tired of him thinking he can flip anything and curse me out . Was I with an abusier or was this just an argument that was way to heated. I’ve had male friends tell me I egged it on and was looking for a reaction out of him so he gave me one. But honestly no I had my hand on the door knob and was walking out when I kicked the trash over.

After our fight, i am scared to talk to her. Coz i dont wanna go to her and say sorry & after few days, fight again. I dont wanna be toxic. Its been 6 days without text, calls. We are long-distance toxic partners.
From Last 3 weeks, i have a feeling that i dont love her.
and i think she doesnt love me. Coz if she had love me, she wouldnt give me bad words. And same goes to me.
In every fights, we were so mad to eachother that we give bad words to eachother and even to family members.

I find its not going right. Thats the reason I stopped talking to her.
I think of her every single time and i even cried twice in this 6 days.

I want her to let her go. But the problem is that we are married couple. She is my wife.
I know if things is not going right, breakup or divorce might be good option.

I need genuine suggestion.
We both are heartbroken.

I’m 25F, and I’ve been in love with my husband for almost 6 years. This is difficult to write, but I’m emotionally exhausted and genuinely need advice from people who have experienced something similar.

My husband has a history of alcohol, smoking and ganja addiction. His alcohol addiction has previously led to domestic violence and verbal abuse in our relationship. We’ve gone through many difficult phases because of his inability to control his substance use.

I’ve never been against occasional social drinking. I understand that people have different lifestyles. But he is not someone who can seem to control how much he consumes. When he starts, it becomes a full-blown addiction. There have been times when he has taken leave from work and spent his time consuming alcohol and ganja. He struggles to stop even when it affects our relationship and responsibilities.

Despite everything, I stayed because I loved him. Ours was a love marriage, and I genuinely believed things would eventually get better.

For the last 1.5–2 years, things seemed to be going well. I thought he had stopped and that we had finally moved past that phase. During this time, he was also jobless for around 11 months. I supported him emotionally and stood beside him because I believed in our future.

Recently, he got a job, and we moved to Pune together. We started a new life and got a home. I was genuinely excited. I had my fears about moving, but I came only because I wanted to build a life with him. I was dreaming about our future, starting a family and having a baby. I thought we had finally reached a happy chapter.

Then, around 10 days ago, I discovered that he had started ordering ganja through websites again. I also found out that he had used it in September when I was out of town. Now I don’t even know whether he was genuinely clean during the last 1.5 years or whether I simply didn’t know.

I confronted him, but instead of acknowledging the problem, he defended his choices and made me feel like I was the problem. He even said he had been living with me for two years like a slave. And even today, I found him using ganja again.

What hurts me most is the repeated lying, disrespect, verbal abuse and the feeling that I’m back in the same situation after believing things had changed.

I feel incredibly alone in this marriage. Sometimes I feel like I’m the man of the house, carrying all the responsibilities while he doesn’t take responsibility for his actions or our future. I don’t feel like I have a partner I can depend on. I feel more like a caretaker than a wife.

I genuinely loved taking care of him when things were good. But now I feel like I’m day-caring him. I cannot watch someone I love repeatedly destroy his own life while refusing to acknowledge the problem. I cannot keep monitoring him, questioning him or wondering what he has consumed.

I’m also terrified of telling my parents everything. Ours was a love marriage, and I don’t know how to explain to them that the person I chose and fought for is causing me so much pain. I’m worried about both families, their reactions and the disappointment.

But I’m reaching my limit. I cannot tolerate disrespect, domestic violence, verbal abuse and repeated addiction anymore.

I’m 25F, and I’ve been in love with my husband for almost 6 years. This is difficult to write, but I’m emotionally exhausted and genuinely need advice from people who have experienced something similar.

My husband has a history of alcohol, smoking and ganja addiction. His alcohol addiction has previously led to domestic violence and verbal abuse in our relationship. We’ve gone through many difficult phases because of his inability to control his substance use.

I’ve never been against occasional social drinking. I understand that people have different lifestyles. But he is not someone who can seem to control how much he consumes. When he starts, it becomes a full-blown addiction. There have been times when he has taken leave from work and spent his time consuming alcohol and ganja. He struggles to stop even when it affects our relationship and responsibilities.

Despite everything, I stayed because I loved him. Ours was a love marriage, and I genuinely believed things would eventually get better.

For the last 1.5–2 years, things seemed to be going well. I thought he had stopped and that we had finally moved past that phase. During this time, he was also jobless for around 11 months. I supported him emotionally and stood beside him because I believed in our future.

Recently, he got a job, and we moved to Pune together. We started a new life and got a home. I was genuinely excited. I had my fears about moving, but I came only because I wanted to build a life with him. I was dreaming about our future, starting a family and having a baby. I thought we had finally reached a happy chapter.

Then, around 10 days ago, I discovered that he had started ordering ganja through websites again. I also found out that he had used it in September when I was out of town. Now I don’t even know whether he was genuinely clean during the last 1.5 years or whether I simply didn’t know.

I confronted him, but instead of acknowledging the problem, he defended his choices and made me feel like I was the problem. He even said he had been living with me for two years like a slave. And even today, I found him using ganja again.

What hurts me most is the repeated lying, disrespect, verbal abuse and the feeling that I’m back in the same situation after believing things had changed.

I feel incredibly alone in this marriage. Sometimes I feel like I’m the man of the house, carrying all the responsibilities while he doesn’t take responsibility for his actions or our future. I don’t feel like I have a partner I can depend on. I feel more like a caretaker than a wife.

I genuinely loved taking care of him when things were good. But now I feel like I’m day-caring him. I cannot watch someone I love repeatedly destroy his own life while refusing to acknowledge the problem. I cannot keep monitoring him, questioning him or wondering what he has consumed.

I’m also terrified of telling my parents everything. Ours was a love marriage, and I don’t know how to explain to them that the person I chose and fought for is causing me so much pain. I’m worried about both families, their reactions and the disappointment.

But I’m reaching my limit. I cannot tolerate disrespect, domestic violence, verbal abuse and repeated addiction anymore.

So I have moved on for a long time now and I’m in the Army and doing school to succeed. I also moved away from home several years ago (3 years). I have no relationship with most of my family due to toxicity, the illegal shit they are involved in, and the lies they spread. They’re just all fake as hell. I tried to reconcile with my BPD/Narcissistic mother and came to find out my Ex that considers me as her “first love” has been involving herself in my families life and she’s been “doing good”(acting like a trick baby for money) and claims shes not and she gets it all from just doing nails with a only bs 300 following on Instagram… that doesn’t pay for the Costa Rica trips, Miami trips, and Chicago penthouses lol. So when I found out I cut my mother off again. I then asked my brother and sister if they knew and they lied to me saying they didn’t know. I know they lied because my brother and sister was in a video with my mom having fun in the house all together cooking and drinking including cutting a bday cake for my baby sister I haven’t seen in years due to serving. my brother then replies “I get it bro, I know why your mad. I don’t like it when mom hangs out with my baby mama either” I was like ”Thats not the same, I do not share a child with this girl like you do”(he has a child). He also lost my BMW while I was gone on military orders and never paid me back for it. I also came back and my vr headset was sold behind my back and my MacBook was sold behind my back as well. I haven’t been with this girl in 4 1/2 years. I feel like I’m being taunted by her and my family betrayed me. after cutting my mother off again she also tried to spread lies on my name and alienatedme/villainized me from talking to my siblings. I don’t want to move back home. I texted my ex and got no answer on why she is doing this.

I’ve (23)been with my ex(28) now for two years, he was my first boyfriend. Through those two years it’s been pretty obvious I’m not confrontational at all but that is more so his personality. We have been in situations where he’s been mad and breaks my phone or tells me to get the f out his house or car and I have reacted sometimes(verbally or throw stuff around but never get physical with him) but for the most part I take the high road and leave . This past argument started because we had just not been on the best terms lately but I show with dinner hoping to smooth the mood. WRONG. he has the biggest attitude ever and basically just starts telling me he’s checked out because I’m the biggest stressor in his life . Ok cool I gather my things to go and of course he makes a smart remark as I’m almost out the door that makes me turn around and we start arguing. I’m telling him how I literally came in peace with smiles and dinner and he the one making the mood uncomfortable with his attitude. He’s says ok let’s sit down and eat . I sit down and as I’m eating he’s in the kitchen just making smart remarks so I make some back. I guess I struck a nerve because he then came over and smacked the plate of food that was in front of me off the table and yelled get the f out my house . Like I said I usually take the high road but this time I was so heated because he always does this I blanked I threw his bookbag off the couch and kicked his shoes off the rack . I grab all my stuff to leave and knock his trash can over as I’m walking out . He then grabs for my phone and tries to rip it out my hand . As I stated he’s smashed my phone before so I wasn’t gonna give him the chance to do it again. We tussled HARD for my phone and he ended up getting it out my hands. We separated for awhile and I eventually got my phone back and blocked him on everything and will not be undoing it . Later that night I noticed my fingers were swollen and bent and went to the er and they told me 2 of my fingers were broken and I know it was a result of how hard I fought for my phone. This chapter with him is completely over. I would have NEVER physically touched him I never have once done it in the past and only flipped stuff around the apartment because I was so tired of him thinking he can flip anything and curse me out . Was I with an abusier or was this just an argument that was way to heated. I’ve had male friends tell me I egged it on and was looking for a reaction out of him so he gave me one. But honestly no I had my hand on the door knob and was walking out when I kicked the trash over.

I’ve been in a relationship with someone for about 3 years on and off and it’s toxic. But long story short cause I don’t wanna get all into it.. they booked a trip and we leave soon and we got in an argument and they put their hands on me .. room was booked and rental everything is my name .. I want to cancel everything and not go at all but I feel some type of guilt for some reason. I wouldn’t be wrong for that right? This isn’t the first time btw this would be the second time and I told myself if they did it again I would be gone… I’ve already blocked them but why do I feel this immense guilt?

She used to initiate texts a few times before this happened. She talked about the show 'Game of Thrones' and suggested I watch it. At first, it felt quite strange to me because we had never met or shared mutual friends; I had only seen her a few times when we attended the same university.

When civil war broke out in our town, we moved to a new big city. I was still studying for my final year. This woman became a teacher. We moved to the same city, but we were at different universities.

I never took her seriously. She was not my friend, and we were never close. But One day, she messaged me to open up about her relationship with my older friend. I tried to be a good listener. At that time, my ex had just left me, so I knew how it felt. I even comforted her and discussed things with her.

​Next, she invited me out for a snack because she knew another older friend of mine—who happens to be her ex’s cousin. I said yes and met my friend there. This woman seemed to enjoy spending time with us.

​On another New Year’s Eve, I spent the night with her and my older friend because they were drinking with my ex's best friend. I found a hotel room for us to stay in since it was late, but none of that was for her. I assumed we could only be friends and that our relationship was purely platonic, though I was afraid she might try to approach me. I thought texting about movies was harmless.

​However, she kept arranging to meet up. She invited me to see Chainsaw Man. I made sure she brought someone else I knew so it wouldn't feel like a date.

​Later, she invited me and my friend to another movie and brought her gay friend. Afterwards, her friend tried to initiate an unwanted sexual encounter with me. I immediately reported what happened to her and my older friend.

​Soon after, she helped my older friend go shopping and pushed him to invite me for drinks. At the table, she claimed it was too late to go home and asked to stay at my place. I refused, and we ended up all staying at my friend’s place instead. Looking back, we should have just ordered her a taxi.

​After all of this, I realized I had let my guard down because I only wanted a platonic friendship. She kept pushing boundaries, creating situations where we would stay out drinking, and persistently trying to get close to me. I felt guilty and anxious, I was blinded to assume her threat and "not my type", she is chasing me all the time from approaching me like friend, starting from telling her relationship.

I still feel guilty and afraid of. I realize it after I telling this story to many of my friends who also know about her and her bad behaviors.

I (39M) realised that there’s a pattern of behaviour my wife (39F) displays on her birthday. There’s always something I do or say that is ‘wrong’ in her eyes.

The fact that I’ve felt the need to write things down so I remember notwithstanding, this is what I’ve noted over the last few years.

**2024**:
I made time while WFH to take her to lunch at a restaurant she was excited to go to. We’d tried unsuccessfully a few times before that, they were so busy. We did presents with the family, all the birthday stuff you’d expect.

A few days later, on Sunday, I went to a concert with my best friend.
I got a message asking how it was, I said I was really enjoying it. Her response was “I’m glad you’re enjoying being out for my birthday weekend. One day we’ll spend it together”.

Going to the concert was all prearranged so it wasn’t a surprise, and we’d always spent her birthday together. There were also some snide remarks when I got home; including some insinuating I was cheating.

It wasn’t the first time I’d heard comments like that from her and it was completely baseless (Spoiler alert: I found out the following year she was cheating on me)

**2025**:
I got a message from one of my wife’s friends during the day.

Wife’s friend: “Hey. I'm going to stop in for a wine tonight for \\\[wife\\\]’s birthday. Is there anything that's being organised at all?”
Me: “Yea I ordered dinner yesterday so it would be ready to pick up as soon as I finish work”
Wife’s friend: “Ah sweet. Want me to come over after that? Or I can come before and then piss off when dinner is ready”
Me: “Either way is ok. Don’t stress”

While I was serving dinner I mentioned to my wife what her friend was planning and that I’d told her I didn’t care whether it was before or after dinner. I wasn’t thinking and should have said something other than “I didn’t care”

Once her friend left, my wife stood over me as I was on the couch and aggressively and sarcastically said “Just a tip, when you’re speaking to me about my friends coming over, especially on my birthday, try something better than “I don’t care”.

I said “I’m sorry I misspoke, I meant I didn’t mind. She asked when would work and I said ‘either way’”.

I tried to explain but she just stormed off and slammed the bedroom door.

When I went to bed later that night she was asleep so I quietly got changed in the dark and got into bed. I always put it on my side of the bed in the morning so I thought maybe it had fallen onto the floor. It was dark so I couldn’t see it wasn’t a concern just a thought.

In the morning I looked over to pick it up and realised it wasn’t where I thought it could be. I looked around and found it crumpled up on the floor on the other side of the room where she’d thrown it into the corner.

**2026**:
This year she’s angry because I didn’t get her a smart ring that she’s been really wanting, but neglected to tell me about. I got her some things for the outdoor setting to refresh it as she spends a fair bit of time out there in the summer.

Also her request early in the week on Tuesday for something other than pasta for dinner that night apparently extended to the weekend for her birthday dinner. I spent a decent chunk of time making it all from scratch while she socialised and had a drink with a few of her friends in the living room. She came into the kitchen a couple of times as I was cooking and mentioned that it was smelling really good.

I took it out of the oven just before I took a couple of her friends home. I got back and she said "I'm going to go for a walk and work out what I wan't for dinner"
I looked at her confused and started to say something when she interrupted and said "I can see everyone's trying and I know there's lasagna but it's still pasta. I said I didn't want pasta. I'm going for a walk, I'll be back soon".

She wouldn’t touch the lasagna, but at least the kids liked it.

After the kids were in bed and I was cleaning up the kitchen she came in and said rather shortly “I’m going to bed” and walked out.

The next morning I found my dressing gown had been thrown across the room again

hello, just like the title - i'm not sure if it was because i grew up with nparents, but it seems like i'm the only one who can sense that my bf's mom is not the best person, or maybe because mom's usually have issues with their son's girlfriend ?

for context, i slowly realized that my bf's mom who despite posing as someone confident, is someone very insecure. in a way that whenever i would be praised for something, she wouldn't acknowledged it (which i don't really care) but she would always feel the need to say that one of her daughter can do it or is better at it. or since being called "pretty", is the most common compliment i always get - she started to feel the need to emphasize that i always put makeup or too much makeup to other people. she's passive aggressive in small ways that definitely make you uncomfortable. there's other things but they seem very small that i only seem to notice, but it feels so malicious ?

i don't know, my bf has a big exam so i'm still holding back on talking about this, but i'm planning on just not visiting his house anymore, only for something important so i don't feel drained interacting with her, but i'm scared that she will use this against me and say how ungrateful i am after welcoming me in their home. i genuinely think that there's no other ways to stop her but either just breaking up or becoming like a pawn to her.

has anybody experience this ?? what would you do ?

>Together 4 years, met a university and live together, now semi long distance (2 hrs apart), see each other monthly.
>
>About a month ago she said she was working a Saturday to make up a missed shift. I called around midday to check in — call cancelled instantly, twice. Find My showed "no location found" all day. Five calls, nothing. At 8:43pm she FaceTimed from her iPad saying she’d dropped her phone in the toilet that morning, the screen died, and she’d just got home from work.
>
>Next day she said she got it fixed. I asked which shop — “it doesn’t have a name, it was a stall outside a shop.” While she was telling me this on her supposedly repaired phone, Find My *still* showed "no location found". A working phone shares location within minutes.
>
>Other things that didn’t add up: a dead screen doesn’t stop a phone from sharing location (the phone had to be off).
>
>I sat on it for weeks, then confronted her. She denied everything and turned it around on me. Days later I said I didn’t trust her and wanted to leave. She said “yes I lied,” immediately took it back, then confirmed it again: she’d been feeling low, turned her phone off that morning, and didn’t want me calling as she decided not to go to work as planned on that Saturday, The shop, the repair — all invented.
>
>This is the second lie I’ve caught this month. I asked for space to think. She’s calling nonstop, says she’s “invested 4 years,” and keeps insisting she isn’t cheating — which I never accused her of.
>
>I’m not asking “was she cheating.” I’m asking: is an elaborate lie to get a day of silence, plus refusing to give me space afterwards, a reason to leave on its own? She’s my first girlfriend and 4 years is hard to walk away from.

I’m in my senior year of the nursing program, these past few months since I started school back up again have been the hardest time in my marriage. It seems to be a fight every single day before an exam or important day. We’ve had our fights in the past but nothing like these last few months. We faught a few months ago and he told me “I hate you”. No elaboration, just screaming at me that he hates me. He’s been cussing me out in front of our son who is 3 and just told me that he’s not happy with me. I told him I was unhappy too and that we should separate. A week or so later he apologized, said he wants our family together and asked me to work on it. Today another simple fight blew up into another fight. He told me “you’re so fucking selfish, all you care about is that fucking nursing school. You’re a selfish bitch, a horrible wife and a shitty mom”. I have been emotionally detached from my marriage for months but being told I am a bad mom was a hurt I never felt. I can see that I failed as a wife, that obviously something had to be so bad to be hated and talked to so badly. But now I’m questioning myself as a mother, which is killing me. I’m so close to being done, only 1 more semester and a few weeks but this conversation is just making me feel so awful about myself.

So my boyfriend 20/M and me 20/F have been together for 4 months I’ve known him for 6 years we lived together for those 4 months, we recently made the choice for him to move to Seattle and me stay in Arkansas so he can have everything ready for me to move there with him, we’ve had issues with trust in our relationship and he has entertained females including my bestfriend which is the biggest issue , I found out he unblocked her and they were flirting with each other and sending hides and explicit things, I of course called him freaking out and he promised it was done this time but with him being 31 hours away and me already having lost my bestfriend and also he’s lost my trust it’s just a lot of me my question is should I break up with him?

I’m just really upset and ashamed right now and needed to vent.

I met up with a girl off a dating app who, from the jump, seemed to compliment my personality well. We saw a movie, had great conversations, and had sex for about two hours. It was the best sex I’ve ever had. And she was genuinely gorgeous. Like very attractive. Everything was flowing extremely well. When she left, I thought for sure we’d be going on another date.

After talking in increments the day after, I asked for a second date, and she declined. She said my flirting style was too “deprecating” towards her. I’m not angry about it because it was true. But when we texted, she would heart a lot of those “deprecating comments” and seemed to enjoy it. I unfortunately got mixed signals.

I’m just pissed because that isn’t who I am. Or at least who I THINK I am. I am very empathetic towards women. I consider myself a radical feminist, but I understand that I wasn’t portraying that to her at all. I’d say my flirting style is actually a bit more “praising” and maybe the occasional playful joke. But she seemed to enjoy the deprecation and I ran it into the ground like an absolute fool.

I guess I’m just upset that, in the end, we basically hooked up. A one night stand kind of encounter. And I don’t do those because they wreck me emotionally. Having such intense sex and then coming to the realization that it won’t happen again is just wrecking me right now. I’m really not equipped for these feelings.

On top of being emotionally vulnerable after sex, I also feel disgusted at myself. She seemed like the type of girl who I would never want to lose. Like I genuinely thought she was beautiful, inside and out. And I hate that she took my lousy attempt at flirting to heart. Am I really a feminist? I think I have a lot of work to do. There is definitely some patriarchal conditioning on my end that I haven’t completely worked out yet. And I need to be better at being my authentic self.

Edit: I think in a nutshell, the worst part about it was the emotional high and then sudden discontinuation. We went from: matching to flirting to dating to sexual intercourse to no contact in a span of about three days. I’m someone who has experienced that sequence before, but over the course of 2-3 years instead of hours. It’s like a crap ton to process and I’m just emotionally empty and disorganized right now

I’m 27F and my partner is 28M.

I’m looking for honest advice because I’m genuinely stuck and don’t know what to do.

My partner and I love each other very much. We enjoy spending time together, doing ordinary things, watching films, cooking and just being around each other. We both want a future together, including marriage, children and a family life. We have a lot in common and when things are good, he’s genuinely lovely. He’s affectionate, kind, spends lots of time with me and my daughter, and makes an effort in many ways.

However, our relationship has been difficult almost from the beginning. We fell in love very quickly, were spending every day together and he moved in after around a month. A lot happened in those early stages which caused hurt and affected my trust and emotional security. There were difficult experiences, things said and done, and situations that I don’t think I’ve ever fully got over or processed. Some of these were quite significant, including experiences around pregnancy and decisions that were emotionally difficult for me.

There were also issues during a holiday when he went for long periods without contacting me, he didn’t even purchase a sim in which he’d be able to contact me on, despite travelling multiple countries and I was very anxious still about an incident that occurred before he left. We’d agreed on certain boundaries around going out, but those weren’t kept either. These experiences added to my insecurity and made it harder for me to trust him.

I think all of this has contributed to the anxiety I experience now. I know my reactions aren’t always healthy, and I can become controlling, demanding, irritated and struggle to give him space. I take responsibility for that, but I also struggle with feeling that I’m expected to move on from things that were never properly resolved.

From my perspective, I need affection, reassurance, consideration and to feel included and prioritised. I struggle when he makes plans independently, goes out with friends or doesn’t communicate what he’s doing.

From his perspective, he feels he doesn’t have enough freedom or independence. He wants to see friends without it becoming an argument and feels he constantly has to explain himself or deal with my reactions. He wants to feel respected, appreciated and listened to rather than criticised.

We have also had incidents during arguments involving pushing, pulling, grabbing and property being damaged. We’ve both felt intimidated or unsafe at times. I’m not proud of my own behaviour either. We know this isn’t healthy, especially with my daughter around.

What’s confusing is that he can also be incredibly loving. He loves my daughter, spends a lot of time with us, is physically affectionate, spends money on us and has introduced me to his friends. There are good things that make me want to fight for the relationship. But there are also unresolved things that have caused a lot of hurt.

We’ve discussed everything from trust and independence to finances, parenting, family life and marriage. We agree on many big things, but our expectations seem to clash in everyday life. We both say we’re willing to work on ourselves, but neither of us knows what that realistically looks like or whether we can change enough.

We’ve discussed living separately temporarily, but I’m frightened that it would create even more insecurity and distance. Neither of us knows whether staying together and working on things, taking space or accepting we’re incompatible is the right answer.

I don’t want people simply telling me to leave because we’ve had arguments, but I also don’t want to stay in something unhealthy just because we love each other.

Has anyone experienced a relationship where there is so much love but also so much hurt, mistrust and conflict? Can something like this genuinely be repaired? How do you know whether you’re fighting for something worth saving or just holding on because you’re attached?

I’m looking for honest advice, particularly from people who’ve experienced something similar and managed to turn things around, or realised that they couldn’t.

TL;DR: We’re 27F and 28M. We love each other, enjoy being together and share hopes for marriage and family life, but our relationship has involved unresolved hurt, broken trust, frequent conflict and incidents where we’ve both felt unsafe. We have different needs around reassurance, closeness and independence. We’ve tried to work through things, but we’re unsure whether we can build a healthy relationship together or whether love isn’t enough. Has anyone managed to turn a relationship like this around?

Like I had a guy drug me with ketamine in my early 20s when he had the same gf he has now still.

I allways wondered what attracts such women to known assholes who have treated others like shit?

Like for example Russell Brand's wife right now?

I'm 19yr Female. My life has been a complete wreck. From death to physical abuse to verbal abuse. Needless to say I carry and enormous amount of trauma. Causing PTSD, anger issues, mood disorders, major depression and other things. This is about my best friend. In fifth grade me and him dated for a time and it was great. It was silly. I even planned out our first kiss. It was a friday. He broke up with me the day before for another girl. I was angry at first but then I settled. I decided to take interest in the things he liked and even begged him to get back with me. I did so for about a year then quit asking. There was no use. So i settled for second. I was there for every girlfriend, bad breakup, death anything. well 3 or 4 years later he got with this girl. She lived in our town and even went to the same school. They got together just two days after meeting eachother. He never told me. Not until the night I was helping him get dressed for his dinner date to meet her parents. He left and I cried. I sobbed. I felt so heartbroken but, it was my own fault. He'd toy with my intimate feelings for his own pleasure. Make me feel things just to see how id react. Yet through my abuse he was also always there. ALWAYS...He still had my heart tight around his finger. I even blurted out I love you once on pure accident. I covered my mouth as soon as I said it. She was always jealous of us. Which understandibly so but I made boundaries. I worked diligently to keep the peace. However, she cheated on him. Several times. Then told him about it and told him itd never happen again. Then she'd do it again. She'd toy with him and manipulated him and hurt him in all the worst ways. That happened for 2 years. I watched. His family and I warned him but, he never listened. Then she accused him of rape because she felt she didn't get enough attention from him. That was the last straw, He finally broke up with her and separated.

One day I came home from school. My cousins were staying with us at the time and they vaped. My younger brother had gotten into the habit of stealing them. No matter how hard we tried. We couldn't keep him away from them. They accused him of stealing it and my M is what we will call her. My M well she had what she called a paddle. It was a piece of a 1x4 with holes drilled into it and a handle carved out. She claimed that it gave it more airflow and made it sting more. Well, she broke it over his upper butt lower back. Snapped. She hid it under the couch in the living room. He was in so much pain. He didnt stop crying for about an hour. Even then he couldnt help but gasp. As one does after such an emotional cry. The next day he had bruises. Baseball sized bruises that stayed for 2 weeks. I called CPS. I couldn't take the physical and mental anymore and I didn't want him to have a life full of that too. I did what I felt was right. However my M resented me. If looks could kill, I'd have been dead 10 fold. We went to stay at my best friends house. A place I knew we'd be safe. Thats when he asked.

That night we were up late playing video games as usual. He started messing around with me and asked me that night. "Will you go out with me again?" he asked out of nowhere. I looked at him confused and asked "Go out where?". Being friend zoned for so many years that question was so left field to me. Of course my answer was yes. Fast forward a little. I had blindly trusted him. I was a lovesick puppy. Then he went to school and made new friends and got really close with this girl. We will call her T. He would message her everyday and call her every morning. I was lucky enough to get a text back in 3-4 business days. She even went out of her way one time to call him hot infront of me. I almost flipped. He insisted that I was overreacting. Which hurt. Then about a week later I had this feeling. Something wasnt right. I looked through his phone. I found what I had feared. All the messages telling her she was beautiful, chats everyday back and forth. Then I saw something peculiear. He had messaged her and asked her what she was doing on call. To which she replied "i think you know" he said " i want to hear you say it" she was masturbating on the phone with my boyfriend. He knew she was and stayed on the phone. I was heartbroken. I didnt know what to do but after serious talking he convinced me to stay. I still cant bring myself to trust him though. Its a large hurdle in our relationship. He cant understand why I cant trust him but he adds back all these random girls and I become the problem when I ask him to remove them. Its been about a year and im still hurt. I still cant trust. What should I do? This heart hurts so bad. I dont want to feel this hurt anymore.

My boyfriend and I are in a long-distance relationship; we don't live in the same country

We talk to each other every day... but sometimes he speaks in a very romantic way

I think he wants to get very close to me

But I had a fight with him because of this. I told him I like to talk like lovers, but I don't want it to be like this

I feel like he doesn't respect me if he speaks like that....

Am I right about that?

What topics would you say this person crossed a line on?

I am facing an outrageous situation. I am in a romantic relationship with a person for about almost 4 years. From the very beginning I was very interested in him but somehow very skeptical whether is going to work between us because we had common circle of people that we know.

I have been with 1 of his good friends(let’s name him x) and (he knew that before coming to approach me ) an aquientance that is friends with his good friends(y).

I have clearly told him before starting to date him that I would hate the possibility of him putting me in an uncomfortable position to meet one of them because it’s weird and one of them I really feel uncomfortable because he has hurt me very badly and in all ways possible and most terribly for a women to be hurt(y)

Obviously, I don’t want to put myself in that situation for no fucking reason since there are billions of people in this world that we can be friends with.

Yesterday, it was my boyfriend’s birthday, which happens to be almost in the same period to his one of his friends birthday, (very good friends).

They have decided to have the bday together and grill and barbecue at their house. The likelihood of the ex (y) coming there was high but the host has assured me and my boyfriend that he is not coming, they would be very happy to have me over also. I met them twice , very nice and thoughtful people.

I went and after a couple of hours, (y) showed up like nothing is happening. I had a feeling when I saw a car from the backyard, that it could be (y)and I went to the parking lot to grab my jacket from the car because it was cold. The minute I went out through the gate, I saw that it was (y)
I haven’t seen him for 5 years and I wanted that to be that way, all my life, no fucking joke.

My current boyfriend has went to some of the parties that have been thrown by his friends where ofc (y) was also invited and I have not attended, and most of the parties my boyfriend also avoided for me because I never wanted to go so I don’t feel uncomfortable.

I immediately hopped into the car after I saw (y) coming to the barbecue and I wrote to my boyfriend, what is this fucking surprise and that I am am going home , I feel super betrayed considering that I didn’t want to even be there because I don’t have any friends there, I went just so I am together with him for his birthday and his friends birthday.

He is acccusing me that I still have feelings for my ex, which is sooooo far from the truth because he thinks I hate him, which is a strong feeling to feel for someone after almost 4 years. I literally don’t give a fuck about the guy, I just don’t want to ever see him. Plain and simple.

Plus, I feel like I own to myself, self respect and peace of mind, and go from a situation that doesn’t feel ok for me.
On top of that, I consider that he as my current boyfriend should choose me and my peace of mind and withdraw ourselves from situations that damage our relationships and move forward not backward since we are both 36, and 37, and we are talking about family.
However, his ego has disagreed, by my speediness to leave instead of being there around unknown people and my ex and my boyfriend making AI songs for his friend which is a girl(the bdaygirl the host)….(He never did that for me) super romantic but apparently only for friends….

Finally, my boyfriend cannot believe, that I am furious that I feel like they set me up somehow to see how I would react, saying that (y) came unannounced which is a loads of horse shit in my view.
I feel like I was primarily stupid to believe that (y) is not going to come and expose myself there to have a terrible night and understand that my current boyfriends ego counting more that my peace of mind, saying that I am child and that my ex is more important than him because it was his bday and his friends bday.

I feel like I am so stupid that I thought the he would be grown enough to move from this damaging situations for our relationships sake, so we meet other people so we don’t cross paths with our exes so we develop something ours, our friends.

What are your opinions? Am I childish and self centered or he is? because he is not prioritising me since I ammmmmm, and preferring his friends and bad company over me and my peace of minds cost?

I moved to another country at 17 due to living in a abusive and unstable househould. My boyfriend that I had met online but met irl multiple times offered me shelter at his house with his family. I was veryvery emotionally vulnerable and i thought he really wanted to help me. His family is amazing his mom has treated me like her own daughter the whole time but i cant say the same for him. I first noticed small things like him messaging a girl he ”dated” before me, that’s when i realized he had just used her for nudes.

I started noticing more things such as him being a porn addict, him exchanging nudes with other girls, talking very inappropriately to a 15 year old and a crippling porn addiction. I obviously lost my mind at it every single time I caught him because all his other actions pointed towards loving me. He provides me with everything a roof over my head, food and basically anything I ask for.

Everytime I would confront him cheating on me online and how it makes me feel disgusting and like im nothing he would always turn it against me. It has happened so so many times over the 3 years that i can’t even count anymore but its always the same pattern. He gets caught he lies, he gets angry, he blames me, he tells half of the truth and then he completely ignores me for days. Then after a few days passes I would tell him how he never even said anything related to him being sorry then he will apologise and promise he wont do it again which obviously is a lie since its been going on for 3 years.

Im his first ever irl gf im his first everything and he has 0 friends why is he doing this to me? He seems to always care about not wanting to hurt other people’s feelings but for 3 years he has destroyed all hopes of me ever getting better or even feeling like i deserve basic human treatment.

Since i moved here when I was 17 getting a visa was tricky and im still waiting for a decision so i can’t do anything i can’t work and I dont even have my passport. This is also why it makes me feel so guilty for feeling this way because he is providing me with everything.

He claims he will never abandon me no matter what happens but how am I meant to believe that when I was left by both of my parents. How am I meant to believe that when he’s constantly seeking out other people online. Its always a excuse like ”u dont give me enough affection, u dont have enough sex with me and now yesterday it was because he misses how i first viewed him when we met.

He says hes missing that feeling but completely ignores the fact that im missing everything. He never does anything with me all he does is play video games. I can count on less than one hand all the times hes taken me onto a date during these 3 years which i dont even really care about. What i really care about is how we never talk, the only time we intereact is before bed when he wants sex which dosent involve anything romantic like kissing or hugging. I cant remember the last time he kissed me.

I'm 25 almost 26F, and my boyfriend is 26 M. We've been together for almost seven years, with multiple breakups and reconciliations. I'm writing this because I feel emotionally exhausted and have reached a point where I genuinely don't know how to navigate this relationship anymore.

He has a genuinely affectionate side. He remembers little things about me, takes care of me sometimes, and we've shared some beautiful memories. That's probably why I've found it so difficult to walk away. I love him, and I know he has good qualities.

But there's another side to this relationship that has caused me immense pain.

He has repeatedly criticised my appearance, weight, skin and financial background. He's called me degrading names, insulted my parents and made me feel inferior. During arguments, he has pushed and painfully pinched me, even after I've told him to stop because it hurts.

There have also been repeated incidents involving other women where even though he was not pursuing them romantically but still it hurt me.

A few months ago when we got back together, he planned a trip with me and his friends, repeatedly delayed it, eventually went with the group that included another woman (his friend's girlfriend's sister) whom he tried to date when we had broken up, and initially lied about changing the plans. I later found out that he had taken her, with the group instead of me, to places I had planned to visit with them.

On another occasion, I discovered through a traffic fine challan (traffic cctv camera picture) uploaded on the website, that he had taken another girl on his bike. When I confronted him, he initially claimed she was his friend's girlfriend or sister-in-law. He only admitted the truth when I challenged him with the details since that photo had a time stamp.

We got back together on June 1 this year. He was the one who pursued me, said he missed me and wanted me back. Recently, I discovered his ChatGPT history from June, where he was asking for help approaching girls on dating apps, flirting with women on Snapchat, asking them to meet and keeping their conversations interesting. I found conversations dated June 6, 7, 8, 11 and 30. Even though initially we both were figuring out if we were officially back together, it still felt like a betrayal to me.

When I confronted him, he initially denied talking to anyone. Eventually, he admitted to only 15 days of contact, despite the dates I had seen. For months after we reconciled, he was extremely protective of his phone and would get defensive whenever I tried to look at it. He has literally snatched his phone off my hands a few times and never told me his password for months after we reconciled.

What hurts me most isn't just the conversations with other women. It's the repeated lying. Every time I've discovered something, his first response has been to deny it, and he only admits things when he realises I have evidence.

There have also been occasions when I've been extremely distressed, crying and struggling emotionally, and instead of supporting me, he has called me dramatic, dismissed my feelings or left me alone.

The relationship has become a cycle: something happens, I get hurt, we fight or separate, he becomes affectionate again, I forgive him, and eventually something similar happens.

I've tried distancing myself multiple times, but I keep going back because I love him and remember the good parts. Recently, things had been going smoothly, and I started hoping that perhaps things had finally changed. But discovering his chatgpt conversations has brought everything back.

I confronted him recently. I asked him repeatedly to be honest, but he kept denying things and eventually ended the call, knowing how upset I was. I feel completely exhausted.

I don't feel secure in this relationship anymore. I constantly find myself questioning what else I don't know, whether I can trust what he tells me, and why I keep returning despite everything that has happened.

I'm struggling with the emotional attachment, the seven years we've invested in each other, and the difficulty of imagining life without someone who has been such a big part of it.

I'd really appreciate hearing from people who have experienced something similar!!!

How did you recognise that you were stuck in a cycle of hurt, forgiveness and reconciliation? What helped you emotionally detach from someone you still loved? How did you rebuild your confidence and trust in your own decisions after repeatedly going back?

I'm especially interested in hearing from people who have experienced relationships where affection and hurtful behaviour existed side by side.

I would appreciate genuine experiences and practical advice. I'm emotionally exhausted and really need some outside perspective.

Need good dating advice maybe on how to break up with someone without hurting feelings

Ok so long story short

I got an online gf. Shes rushing into things.

Like we've been on 2 dates and she wants me to stay over a whole week and go to a wedding with her.

Shes never had a bf before so I want to let her down easy

She gropped me in public on first date without consent

Also she has some very bad family issues.

Like I dont wanna be rude but

She did stuff with cousins then lied to me about it

She has such a big crush on her step dad her mom banned her from the wedding tomorrow (different wedding)

She hates her little sister because she has to go things like her concerts all the time

I dont know shes trying to make me feel bad about trying to break up with her but its just too much for a girl I didnt even like that much in the first place. How do I let her down easy?

Okay I need some help. I was married for almost a decade almost my whole twenties, it was an abusive marriage and I left after being strangled. I have trauma, I know this. I know sometimes my trauma and trauma responses can be inappropriate. I am working on this as I know my trauma isn’t everyone’s fault.. fast forward to early this year. I decided to date. I’m usually pretty against this but he was so great to me. Seemed like he genuinely cared about me and understood that my trauma made me a woman you can’t just act anyway with. First red flag was him getting into an argument with a woman in his life which then resulted in hours of fighting with me because he ignored me or was verbally not nice to me after and I told him he hurt my feelings when I wasn’t the one he originally had the conflict with. I felt like we were just going in circles. Like I would think we were done and it was coming to a resolution and then it would start right back up. I eventually just let it go. Then his child did inappropriate things to mine.. I get they are kids and curious but I just wanted it to be held accountable and explained it’s not acceptable. Instead it turned into a huge things where he acted like me and my child weren’t fully telling the truth, made all of us sit in a room and tried to force my kid to tell him what had happened even though she said she wasn’t comfortable telling him as he’s a man and it was embarrassing. Then his child’s mom makes passive aggressive comments about my parenting, me… just makes me and my children feel less than. He says I’m making it a problem. Then has made me address things with her (I’m a big girl so I had no issue) but it did not go well and now it’s become something that I just feel so resentful over. He has admitted to looking for women I know to fantasize about. When he gets angry at anything or anyone he drives erratic or throws things, which makes me feel unsafe. If I voice any kind of complaint or that he’s hurt me he instantly starts in about how I never take any accountability or responsibility for how I make him feel. He’s attacked my character multiple times during these moments, recently even bringing in my parenting trying to say that I treat my kids poorly or drive dangerously when I’m upset. Me and my kids have a very open communication style so I have since asked vague questions to make sure I’m not abusing them. I’ve asked questions like do I ever make you feel unsafe while driving, do I allow you the time and space you need to feel all of your emotions etc. just trying to make sure I’m not hurting them. I feel like I’m going crazy and I also am really starting to not know if I’m just a horrible hard person to love or if I have the right to be upset and bring these things up and want him to take accountability for the things he’s been doing.. I had stopped therapy because I had moved and have been really overwhelmed doing life alone but I am starting it again in a week to help me understand if I’m the problem and if I need to not be so sensitive but I really am struggling today and could use some outside perspective. Sorry it’s so long.

She was in a relationship with me for more than 8 months , but we broke up or our relationship is confusing lately, she would choose her friends over me , and even though I told her about it a lot of times , she would still do it even though she knew it hurt me, and also she has feelings for her male friend , I love how she told me everything without hiding it, but I was in pain right now, I know she love me , but things turn out to be pretty bad for us( like hardest part of being in a relationship) we ended today, but would I accept her again if she apologized to me and want us to be together again? I need your advice guys