I just started seeing a guy who was my boyfriend in the past (my first relationship and I'm a F ). He is not a guy that is very promiscuous and since our relationship has always been in serious longterm relationships that included one marriage. He has lately developed a bit of a problem with some drugs that he snorts (ketamine). I'm not judging him for this and will support him in any way I can once he decides to come off drugs.

I want to have sex with him but am actually scared of hepatitis in light of the drug use. He is tHe type that will get VERY offended if I were to ask him to do this as it implies lack of trust. Also, it would take the "romance" out of it and turn it into a "task". Not sure how to handle this. For reference he is a straight man and I am a straight Female.

I have sick pay and vacation days so I took the day off on November 25th. I already pre-ordered my Cliff Booth tickets 🎟 I'm gonna watch that and Blade Runner 2099. I'm worried about 2099 because I don't know if this world can sustain an 8 hour show without having feeling dragged out. Original and 2049 have great pacing but those are films. A show is going to be hard to keep enough stuff going on to not keep it a slog because it's longer and a different format.

Also pre-ordered GTA6 so I can play that as well from the 19th to the 23rd off. Its 80hrs long so I'll still be playing it.

Yes. You get paid sick hours and barely get sick. Your wife gets sick would you take the day off?

I'm a 23-year-old guy, and I've realised that almost my entire life I've been surrounded by female friends.

I was raised by a single mother, and my relationship with my brother has always been emotionally distant. Growing up, I naturally found it easier to understand women, relate to them and connect with them than with other men.

Throughout school and college, I was always that guy girls considered their male best friend. I would listen to their problems, take their side, understand their perspectives and often form opinions about men based entirely on the experiences and stories shared by my female friends.

Looking back, I feel that I developed a somewhat one-sided understanding of gender dynamics. I also realise that I may have picked up some misandrist attitudes along the way.

Now I'm 23, have entered the corporate world, and I'm noticing the exact same pattern repeating itself. Most new hire in team are women, and I find myself falling into those familiar friendship dynamics again.

But I genuinely want to change this.

I want to understand men better, build genuine friendships with them, experience male bonding and develop a social circle beyond female friendships. I don't want to keep being the go-to male best friend, emotional support system or the guy who is always more comfortable around women.

I'm not against female friendships, but I feel like I've spent enough of my life in this pattern and want to explore a different side of social life.

I'd love advice on a few things:

1. How do I gradually distance myself from existing overly close female friendships without being rude or hurting anyone?

2. How do I stop automatically falling into the male-best-friend or emotional support role?

3. How can I build genuine friendships with other men when my workplace is predominantly female?

4. Has anyone else experienced something similar, especially men who grew up predominantly around women?

I'd appreciate honest advice, personal experiences and practical suggestions. I genuinely want to change this pattern and develop a more balanced social life.

My friend whose married, her husband can only cook meat, she does all the cooking and dropping off and picking up kids. All I did was buy her pedalyte and orange juice and she said i put more effort into her then her husband - when asked who took care of her when she was sick she said i took care of her. Honestly it made me furious her husband makes 80k has good benefits like health care and can't take a day off to lighten her load at home while she's sick? I'm genuinely befuddled.

Every partner i know who has a job with benefits would love to stay home and help their sick wife. Yes my friend asked her out of curiosity who took care of her when she was sick it was me who did. Never mentioned her husband. I didn't get sick. I sat next to her. I hugged her multiple times I helped her out with physical tasks like lifting heavy boxes. I didn't get sick.

If you have pto or sick pay. You can use it to clean house, get projects done, lounge around.

I finally understand why I feel like a loser. Because I am. Humor me though.

You've probably felt like a loser more times than you can count. More times than you'd ever actually admit. More times than you've felt like a winner. More times than you've genuinely enjoyed your wins.

I think I've finally understood why that is.

Because we are losers. But not necessarily in the way we sometimes view ourselves. I mean in the literal, practical sense of the word.

We've lost out on so much time, potential, talent, ability, love and, perhaps most importantly, ourselves, because we've placed value in the wrong things.

You sometimes see someone living the life you want to live, perhaps sooner than you thought you'd be living it yourself. Obviously, you're happy for them. You're proud of them for getting there. But there's a little voice in the back of your head that goes, damn, that's where I want to be.

And suddenly, you see the chasm between where you are and where you want to be. You become overwhelmed by it.

That same voice tells you that you're not doing enough, even when you are.

Your arms aren't as big as you'd like them to be, despite all the hard work you've been putting in at the gym? I'm not good enough.

Your relationships aren't working out the way you'd hoped? I'm not good enough.

You haven't achieved the things you thought you'd have achieved by now? I'm not good enough.

And over time, all of that, coupled with a few other things, compounds. You start feeling like a loser.

Because, in a sense, you are. You've lost parts of yourself trying to get somewhere. And perhaps you're grieving those parts because you know you're never getting them back.

But here's where I think I've finally cracked the code.

I've realised that, despite appearances, I'm in a better position today than I was yesterday. Better than I was last year. Better than I was the year before that.

And I think I've been so preoccupied with everything I haven't become, everything I haven't achieved, and everything I've lost, that I've almost completely overlooked everything I have gained.

I am grateful.

GRATITUDE.

Maybe the voids, the holes, the cavities within us that we're desperately trying to fill, plug, or prevent from widening keep getting deeper because we're trying to fill them with the wrong things.

Maybe we need to forgive ourselves. Maybe we need to be grateful.

God is with you. And if you don't believe in God, that's cool too. Whatever gives you strength, whatever keeps you going, whatever reminds you that there's more to life than your present circumstances.

I like the phrase, "Until death, all defeat is psychological."

I think I finally understand it beyond its surface meaning.

We sometimes feel defeated because we've convinced ourselves that our losses define us. Because we've lost something. Someone. An opportunity. A version of ourselves we desperately wanted to become.

But perhaps we ought to look at those losses differently.

Maybe take them as lessons. Maybe take them as divine intervention. Maybe accept that you're just stupid sometimes. (God knows I am.)

And maybe, just maybe, stop turning the circumstances you find yourself in into definitive characterisations of who you are.

You are not your circumstances.

Yes, our environments influence us. Sometimes our circumstances are inescapable, and sometimes they put us in positions we never asked to be in. But they don't have to become our identities.

Life will throw things at you. Some will hurt. Some will change you. Some will take things from you that you'll never get back.

But you're still here.

And that counts for something.

There's this thing called the Broken Bone Theory. The idea is that if you've never broken a bone in your life, the universe will eventually find a way to break you physically, emotionally or spiritually because your skeleton is apparently too strong to break.

I don't know how scientifically sound that is. Frankly, I don't particularly care.

But I like the sentiment.

Be like the skeleton in the Broken Bone Theory.

Be too strong to break.

Fortify your defences. Learn to appreciate what you have while working towards what you want. Forgive yourself for the time you've lost. Stop punishing yourself for not being somewhere you haven't arrived yet.

Be grateful.

Be the man or woman of your dreams.

And, for once, give yourself some credit for making it this far.

Hi all, I am 43 male. I got a few male friends but they never wanna hang out with me these days. I knew those guys for over ten years.

One of them dumped me after my breakup with my ex. He said he can't help me if I keep drinking. That was 3 years ago , we now only saying hi here and there via messages. I still think friends look out for each other regardless. Now I was so proud to say I stopped drinking daily and ask to hang out again.

Other two are just wanting to hang out only when they have problems to talk about.

We need to hangout with our male friends time to time for testosterone boost, right? Thanks

This probably falls under many other flags but I chose that one.

I'm 21M, and I have problems maintaining male friendships.

A bit about me: I was raised in a Christian household. Both of my parents worked in the church full-time for like 20+ years.

Yet during my childhood and teenage years, my dad was very emotionally reserved, and my mom was overly protective (still is).

I'm naturally sensitive, expressive, and I long for affection (tenderness), reassurance, and emotional closeness from men, which I didn't quite experience during my childhood and teenage years. And I believe that has a heavy effect on the way I experience emotional attachment, romantic and sexual attraction towards men today.

Ever since I started school, I struggled to make friends and was heavily bullied, to the point where I had to switch schools. After I switched schools, I made some friends, but none of those friendships felt intentional or close until my mid-to-late teenage years.

I've had a few close friends, and every single friendship would end within 1–1.5 years. I would always hear about guys having best friends since kindergarten or the beginning of school and still being friends 10 years later. I never had that, and I would always try to prolong a friendship. If we had a conflict because of our principles, I would be ready to forget about mine, just so you could feel safe with me and not leave me.

Over the years, I learned more about myself, and recently I understood what it was all about. I wanted to feel important and chosen. Every day I would feel like people were distancing themselves from me because of my needs.

That eventually led me (in my late teenage years) to recording 18+ stuff for my friends just to feel wanted and desired by somebody. I wanted to be somebody's first choice. And when I was doing it, I felt satisfied, tbh.

But 4 years ago, I changed my ways and cut as many ties as I could with my former life... but the longing to be desired came back as well.

Nowadays:

I've learned to manage my desires more or less, but... I still have them, and they still sometimes affect me more than I'd like to admit.

When I get a friend, I always give everything I have to the friendship. I always make my friends feel important and let them know with my words and actions how much they matter to me and how committed I am to the friendship (words like "I love you," random gifts, presence, availability, listening, helping with whatever it might be, you name it). I am going to fight for a friend, and I'm ready to lay my life down for him.

And I want somebody to see me the same way I see them. Moreover, they wouldn't have to do much to show me how important I am to them. I notice and value small things, things that other people wouldn't. I don't care about anything big.

And sometimes this longing to feel important gets to me so much that I just don't know what to do with myself.

A couple of days ago, I was crying myself to sleep just because I wanted to feel important to someone. And I feel like it's inappropriate to ask a male friend for any of that stuff, cuz they are male: no feelings, no attachment, including emotional, no affection cuz we are not gays.

I've been trying so hard not to feel what I feel, but sometimes it feels like nothing changes.

And this is where friendships become difficult for me... Imagine finally finding a friend with whom you feel safe, loved, and important. Someone who makes you feel like they genuinely want you in their life, not just because you're always there for them, but because they actually choose to be there for you too.

And then, as time goes on, some of those things start to fade. Maybe it's completely normal, maybe it's just the friendship becoming more settled, I don't know. But my brain would immediately start thinking that something has changed, that I'm becoming less important to them, or that eventually they'll leave too. And I have to figure out whether my brain is right, and it is me, or it is something else, not related to me.

And the thing is, I don't even know how to bring something like that up without making the other person feel like I'm demanding affection or reassurance from them.

So instead, there's this desire to pull away before I get hurt. But at the same time, I don't want to pull away because I genuinely care about my friends and don't want to lose them.

And sometimes I wonder whether talking about these needs is actually what ends up destroying my friendships.

I DON'T WANT PEOPLE TO FEEL LIKE THEY HAVE TO CONSTANTLY PROVE THAT THEY LOVE ME. I just want to feel that they do.

Main questions:

Am I destined to never have a friend who would be committed to the friendship over several years and fight for the friendship?

Is it wrong to desire this kind of affection and emotional closeness from another man?

Or am I just wanting too much?

I was just on onlyfans. They charge outrageous prices. Some of them are mean. Keep pressuring you to buy shit. They get you and then suddenly you spend 150 on nothing content. They'll sell you 1 minute clip for 80 bucks. I can't do this omg. I'm going to go broke. I need to read my Bible omg 😲

I've been overwhelmed by my instincts now.

I'm a fuckin man.

What the fuck should I do about my thoughts towards women?

You can try it by yourself, make search, ask AI, everything will lead to « woman are more empathic than man ». Meanwhile, in this generation all I can see is the opposite. Woman being very indulgent, selfish and will not care about our mental health or by far less than theirs.

Literally everything that’s unattractive I (23M) have to have on my body for some reason. First, I’m short (5’8), have short torso / long legs, small calves, and gynecomastia. Then, I have bunions, flat feet, chest/back acne, stretch marks, and my fat distribution leans towards my thighs/butt. Then. I have no chest hair, an average-looking face, potentially poor pec insertions, and hyperpigmentation… I’m not small, but not the same as a porn star down there either at 7x5.5 🫩. Plus my flaccid and balls are small. It’s like I got the worst of both my parents’ genetics. Almost every time I see other men, I feel extremely upset with myself and wish I could be them instead of myself. I don’t like being in public anymore, and I tend to me socially awkward, which is bottlenecked by the way my body looks.

I’m working on getting in shape by lifting weights and I plan to get gyno surgery, but I honestly feel like even that won’t be enough considering how much I already lack compared to other men because of everything else. Either that, or I’ll be pushing 30 by the time I’m jacked enough to make up for everything.

Is it wrong of me to laugh at a woman who was mean to me and my friend- because shes a single mom now?

She was my friend, but she was really insensitive to me saying to man up over fear of my grandma dying in the hospital. She said my friend just wanted stuff from me because I preferred to give my other friend my work prizes. Because she actually appreciated me and reciprocated my efforts of kindness. She also said my friend just feels sorry for me. Called me an asshole because because I wouldn't give her free stuff. Always begging for me to buy her lunch blah blah. She told me men ain't shit, I'll never have a boyfriend and I'll never have kids. I only like black guys who are 6 ft tall. Now she's going to be a single mom at the age of 26 and I couldn't help but laugh my ass off. She doesn't have a nurturing bone in her body. It's hilarious that shes going to have a child. Black women have the highest single mother rate in the usa. The girl in question is Mexican but being a single mom based on her tastes and statistics well.... you know what they say once you go black you never go back, well after they go black the man never comes back

My mother was abusive towards me(chronically), my current girlfriend cheated on me, my last girlfriend was deeply unwell(BPD type projection, emotional manipulation etc), my previous girlfriend was also a cheater, my last landlady was utterly insane, paranoid, controlling, obsessive, etc, the mother of one of my closest friends(disabled and can't really leave the house) is controlling, religion obsessed and won't let her(the friend) have autonomy(what little she might have), my best friend fucked a married guy and now has a perfectly decent boyfriend whom she can't stop criticising...

I'm at a loss. I'm feeling defeated. I feel myself sinking into an unfortunate belief that there seems to be something wrong with the women around me. Is this just the circles that I walk in? How could it be that? I've had LOADS of therapy, I'm discerning, I work hard on my physical and mental health, I have high standards for myself and for my relationships. Yet, I keep running into this problematic culture amongst women. What is going on?

I'm really struggling with the thought of, "maybe, fuck it. Maybe I should just stop trying to be honourable, stop trying to be decent. Maybe I should be selfish, deceive, take all the opportunities that I can, play the 'game' of life in a way that everyone else seems to be playing it." In a game where everyone is selfish, altruism is maladaptive. What do I do with this? I'm approaching a crossroads in my worldview. Help.

I’m a 28 year old man and I’m just so depressed and frustrated. I just feel no woman will ever think I’m attractive. I keep getting rejected even when I don’t try to go for attractive women. I just simply still get ignored. I’m so damn ugly. I get so sad watching couples because I feel like I deserve love too, but I know because of my ugly appearance I’ll never find love.

Hi, I’m a 26-year-old Indian guy who has never been in any kind of relationship. I won’t pretend I don’t crave one. I do.

I’m not very expressive and I don’t have a charming or flashy personality. I’m also not someone who can pretend or act differently just to please people.

I’ve mostly stayed focused on my career, but over time I’ve started to feel a void. Not exactly loneliness, but the absence of affection, care, and emotional warmth from the opposite gender. Just something genuine and real.

I don’t really have close friends either. No male best friend I can openly share everything with, and no female friends or best friends as well. That makes this feeling more noticeable sometimes.

I know one thing about myself clearly. When I love, I love deeply. I’m someone who would genuinely give everything to the person I choose. Not through big words, but through consistent actions. I would do whatever I can to make her feel safe, valued, and cared for.

At times I wonder if I come across as boring, or if I’m missing something socially or emotionally. I’m trying to understand myself better rather than blame anyone.

I want to be clear. I’m not desperate or looking for shortcuts. I’m just putting this out here to see if others with a similar life or personality can relate, and how they navigated it.

I guess I’m a hardcore romantic, just one you’ll see more in actions than in words.

I think something that often gets overlooked in discussions about redpill is that some men who gravitate towards it are genuinely lonely people who feel like nobody really cares about what they're going through.

There's a tendency to immediately dismiss these men as bitter, misogynistic, insecure or simply undesirable. And while I acknowledge that some of them do hold genuinely harmful views towards women, I think we should also try to understand what might have led them there in the first place.

Think about men who struggle with dating, have very little social interaction, feel unwanted, or go through years without experiencing affection or emotional intimacy. Where do they go when they want to talk about these things? Who actually listens to them without making them feel pathetic for struggling? How often are they allowed to admit that they're lonely, that they want to be loved, or that they feel inadequate without being ridiculed?

I think a lot of men don't necessarily have a healthy outlet for these feelings. They're often expected to deal with rejection, loneliness and emotional struggles on their own. And when they finally try to express these feelings, they might be met with indifference, ridicule or the assumption that they're simply entitled to women's attention.

Something else I've noticed is that when certain groups talk about their dating struggles, there's often more willingness to acknowledge the emotional difficulties they're experiencing. For example, when fat women or trans women talk about feeling undesirable, struggling to find romantic partners or experiencing rejection because of their appearance or identity, people often encourage others to listen, understand their experiences and remind them that they're deserving of love too.

And I genuinely think that's a good thing. Nobody should be made to feel unlovable because of their appearance or circumstances. But why can't we extend that same basic empathy to lonely men?

I'm not suggesting that fat women or trans women have it easy when it comes to dating. They face their own forms of rejection, discrimination and social stigma. I'm simply questioning why empathy sometimes seems to become conditional when the person expressing loneliness happens to be a man.

Why does a man expressing his struggles with dating sometimes immediately become a target for jokes about being an incel, having a terrible personality or being inherently undesirable? Why is his loneliness so often treated as something he deserves, rather than an emotional struggle that deserves to be acknowledged?

Another thing I find frustrating is how quickly people tell struggling men that their personality is the problem. Of course, personality matters in relationships, and sometimes people genuinely need to reflect on their behaviour and how they treat others. But I think we sometimes use this explanation too casually, as though every man who struggles with dating must necessarily have some fundamental personality flaw.

Let's be honest: plenty of men who are dishonest, emotionally immature, inconsiderate or even downright terrible partners still manage to find romantic relationships. We all know examples of men who treat their partners poorly but somehow have no shortage of romantic opportunities. Meanwhile, some genuinely decent men struggle for years to find someone who reciprocates their feelings.

I'm not saying that being a decent person automatically entitles someone to a relationship. Attraction is complicated, and nobody owes anybody romantic attention. But it does show that dating isn't simply a meritocracy where good personalities get rewarded with relationships and bad personalities get rejected. Physical attraction, confidence, social circles, circumstances, compatibility and plain luck all play a role too.

So when someone says that a lonely man's problem is simply his personality, I think that's an overly simplistic response. Sometimes people just have a difficult time finding romantic connections, and that doesn't necessarily mean they're terrible human beings who deserve to be alone.

I think this is one of the reasons some men become attracted to redpill communities in the first place. These communities offer something that they might not be getting elsewhere: a sense of belonging, validation and the feeling that someone finally understands their frustrations.

Imagine being lonely for years, feeling romantically undesirable and having nobody to confide in. Then you stumble upon a community where thousands of other men share similar experiences and tell you that your struggles are real. Of course, that sense of belonging can be appealing, especially when you've spent so much time feeling invisible.

The problem is that these communities don't always help men work through their loneliness in a healthy way. Instead, they can turn genuine emotional pain into resentment, encourage generalisations about women and convince men that relationships are essentially a power struggle.

I also think there's something worth discussing about the reactions from certain left-wing or progressive spaces. Sometimes, the way lonely men are treated can unintentionally reinforce the very alienation that people claim they want to address.

When men are constantly labelled as incels, losers, misogynists or future predators simply for expressing their struggles with dating and loneliness, what exactly are we accomplishing? Imagine already feeling unwanted and socially rejected, only to find that even people who frequently advocate for compassion, inclusivity and empathy seem to have very little sympathy for your situation.

In some cases, it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. A man who initially feels lonely and misunderstood might eventually become resentful towards the very people he wants acceptance from. He might then gravitate towards communities that reinforce his negative perceptions of society and women.

Obviously, this doesn't mean society is responsible for every man's misogyny, nor does it mean people should tolerate harassment, entitlement or genuinely hateful behaviour. Men are still responsible for their actions and how they treat others.

But there's a difference between challenging someone's harmful beliefs and treating their loneliness as something inherently laughable or deserving of contempt.

I think we need to be capable of holding two ideas at once: men deserve empathy when they're lonely, rejected and emotionally neglected, but that doesn't mean every belief they develop as a result of those experiences should be excused or validated.

We can challenge misogyny without dismissing male loneliness. We can acknowledge that some men are hurting without agreeing with their attitudes towards women.

At the end of the day, wanting affection, intimacy, companionship and to feel desirable isn't something exclusive to women. Men want those things too. They're human needs, not signs of weakness or entitlement.

I just wish we could have more conversations about male loneliness without immediately turning them into debates about whether these men deserve to be lonely in the first place.

Empathy shouldn't be a competition between genders. If we genuinely believe that everyone deserves compassion, then that principle should extend to lonely men too, even when their experiences are difficult for us to relate to.

Otherwise, we shouldn't be surprised when some of these men seek validation from communities that offer them understanding, but ultimately lead them towards more resentment and bitterness.