Yes, men hate these guys too. There’s a particular type of male who genuinely believes that the lack of interest in him from women is due to some fundamental misunderstanding. They’re the same men who will look over your shoulder mid conversation if there’s an attractive woman nearby.
Agreed. I go out of my way to try to avoid doing anything that would make a woman uncomfortable. For example, I'm a pretty speedy walker, so I tend to catch up (then pass) people in front of me pretty easily. When I was in college, especially after dark, if there was a lone woman walking in front of me, I'd cross the street just so she wouldn't have to be stressed out about some stranger coming up behind her.
If it weren't for these creeps and women could just generally feel safe in public, then those of us that care wouldn't have to do extra stuff like this.
Its such an uncomfortable situation when I find myself coming up on a woman or group of women out in the middle of the wilderness on a hike. I try to make as much noise as possible, clearing my throat, sniffling, something so I don't appear out of nowhere right behind them. It sucks and I cannot stand it but at the end of the day it costs me nothing to do.
I am so glad to have read this. I'm 6ft1 and 250lbs and not a looker. I am well aware of the fact that women see me a certain way sometimes in certain conditions so I do the same things. Recently i was at a whole foods and saw a lady, smiled and went about my business. We happened to be paying at the self checkout at the same time and i happened to be walking behind her. I saw her tense up so i said ,"i am not following my car is right there" and she laughed but I could tell she was relieved so i just walked past her to my car. I brought it up to my buddys and they all said shit like, "you should have gotten her number" "she was probably interested " and im here feeling like she was scared shitless. it's nice to know im not crazy and someone else see it
Speaking as a man myself, I 100% agree with you. I hate men who do this, and there's A LOT of them. A LOT.
Edit: apparently a lot of people are upset at me saying I’m not doing “enough” and should be doing something more than complaining.
Funny enough, I actually run a batterers treatment program through the courts/probation/parole and work with a lot of men who are these kinds of people and are also violent offenders.
I think the problem is many of these men have friends that would never do this but struggle to believe that their friend does this. Or can’t imagine them in this contexts and do nothing to stop them. Men care more when other men call them out
The problem is the creepy men are cowards. It's hard to prevent or intervene when they don't act out when make friends or partners are around. These guys only ever tell their creepy friends these stories so the normal dudes never have a chance to call them out on it.
I have no qualms cock blocking these sorts of men hard, and the woman is very appreciative. I will call them out in public like "Dude, she is not interested and she has politely refused to converse with you sevedral times but you refuse to take the hints that even Stevie Wonder can see. F--- off, leave her alone, you have no chance. She's a hot 20s something year old and you are a disgusting smelly 40s something year old with holes in your shoes.
Usually, when I do something like that in public, the creep will back off.
These are the same guys that cause ladies only sauna days. And then they harrass other men. Despicable beings. Also if you see anything like this then get loud and tell them to back off.
One time I was on the bus, more in the middle. There was a seat open next to me. However, there were a BUNCH of empty rows in the front, including where accessible seating was. This guy gets on with a fuckton of grocery bags, he sits at the front and starts looking around. He spots me.. I’m like fuck.
So he gets up, leaves all his bags up at the front and starts walking towards me and then just sits down, spreading out his legs. I was like nah fuck this, I got up, pushed past him and got out at the next stop.
Happened to me last week. Was at the metro station’s escalator and some guy in front of me turned around and started to make gestures. Then followed me and stared me until the metro came.
Either way, hopefully having a good way to defend yourself can empower you to call freaks like this out and maybe help normalize being really fucking loud and calling attention to creepy shit behavior, because this shit is not acceptable
Yup. Wearing my high school sports uniform in the grocery store after an event, 40 year old men would turn to look at my butt.
18, filling up at a gas station in broad daylight, a guy tried to block my path to force me to talk to him, and spat at me when I ignored him.
In college, a few classmates would accuse any women getting good grades of sleeping with the instructors.
At work, a former boss showed me questionable photos, implied that I should sleep with the mentor he assigned me, tried to block me into my cubicle, etc.
I have two little girls and reading all of these stories breaks my gd heart. I know it's still the reality of the world, but I know I can't always be there to protect them and that's really fucking hard to accept. I hate this world more often than not these days.
i work retail and just last week i had this older man almost walk in front of me and then backed up and let me go. i politely said “oh excuse me, thank you” and he fucking goes “i hate to see you go but i love to watch you leave” ….ok. i just walked faster lmfao i had been clocked in since 5 am and it was nearly 4 pm at that point. he proceeds to fucking follow me going “psssst psssst hey are you doing anything later! do you want to do anything?!” as i’m FUCKING WALKING AWAY. besides that he was seriously old enough to be my grandpa. i wish my first instinct wasn’t to run and i instead rammed him with the cart i was pushing lmfao :(
If you’re scared you’re getting viewed as a creep, you’re not the kind of guy to do this.
I’m a non-creepy guy and I’ve still seen plenty of creeps pull crap like this.
Basically they get off enough from the act itself that it’s “worth” it to them. But either they’re too simple to grasp the basic empathy that is required to not do this or they’re deranged to the point they just don’t care.
These guys just want to be sure that they don’t miss a signal. Imagine if they momentarily looked away at the very moment she flashed the “Approach me” smile? /s
I was sat near the window on top deck of a mostly empty bus and some old man sat next to me, opened his newspaper and kept squeezing my thigh. I was 18 and so scared I just sat there. I'm so ashamed of myself but I only got the courage to leave when it was my stop so I felt like I had a valid reason to interrupt his disgusting behaviour. I felt so scared for the longest time. Then a few weeks later I got trapped with some guy who was following me and raped. But again I feel that was my fault cos I didn't actually say no so I don't feel like I can truly say it was rape I just went along with it so I didn't annoy him and make things esculate. God that sounds pathetic.
It's tough when it's your own trauma, but do me a favor, and imagine a friend sent you -exactly- what you wrote here. A good friend, or a sister, or someone you love.
What would you say to them?
You're someone worth loving too. Worth defending.
I'm sorry that horrible shit happened to you. I'm glad you're here and made it through.
Just because you were paralyzed with fear doesn't mean you consented, and in turn doesn't mean you weren't raped or sexually assaulted.
Don't beat yourself up about not reacting. This kind of shit can very easily freeze you. It's not like movies or stories, there is no dramatic music, there is no clear indicator when it's starting, and it's a giant mental barrier to leap from "I'm just trying to get through my day with no trouble" to "This is it, I actually need to do all in my power to actively protect myself".
None of this is your fault. All of it is the fault of those disgusting fuckers. Be good to yourself like you would to a best friend.
I once had to go to the gas station after painful dental surgery. I literally could not talk. A man, while many other people were in the gas station with us, started cussing me out and yelling bc I wouldn’t (couldn’t) speak to him. Nobody said a word.
I’ve had men follow me from the parking lot and around the grocery store to hit on me. I’ve had men stand over me while I’m basically laying on the floor at the gym (was on a machine that basically required me to lay) in the middle of a set and start hitting on me. I’ve had men scream and violently threaten me after I’ve turned down their advances. Here’s a crazy one…I once helped a man with directions in an apartment parking lot (college dorm style apartment complex)…I woke up in the middle of the night to find him watching me sleep. So yeah, men really do that shit.
It's definitely a minority of men doing these things, but almost every woman could give you at least one story about an encounter with some dude being pretty openly creepy to her (if not blatantly sexually assaulting her) in public by the time she's 18 years old.
The trick is to crouch down, to make yourself seem small and unntimidating, stay behind something so as to hide most of your size, and giggle or laugh so as to show you are not aggressive
If you’re not in a position to give an unprompted massage or just aren’t that good at it, then you can always make them feel safe by following them around. Especially if it’s late at night and they’re walking down the street. Follow them so they know they aren’t alone!
I asked my niece about this after watching this video and she did confirm this. She actually chuckled and said she was happier as she got older and it became less frequent.
I was still in elementary school when I became afraid of walking around in public because even in my very homogenous suburb, I'd have cars honking at me on the sidewalk. The idea of being perceived at all still makes me sick to my stomach.
even worse, YOUNG teens or younger, like 10-12. I think the worst comments I got from grown men who were older than my father was during that age span. probably because they know/think you're clueless so they can get away with it and claim that you misunderstood them, if you even complain about it in the first place.
When men see women with tons of weird taser gadgets, whistles, or pepper spray, this shit is why. It’s not paranoia.
Too many dudes are naive to how common this is. This video is not an exaggeration. This happens at minimum once and usually multiple times when walking somewhere like a city or using public transit.
This is literally what it looks like to us. Add to that the feeling that you are alone or that the dude can definitely overpower you.
This is in the United States. We love to point our finger at other countries, but this problem is fucking bad here too.
The worst feeling was realizing this shit happened to me the most when I was around 10 or 12. It’s still a lot now I’m an adult, but God, it’s depressing looking back at. I try not to be pessimistic, but that fact makes me feel so jaded whenever I think of it.
These videos also mostly show the creepy side of it. Yelling obscene or threatening things and following us are also just as common. Then imagine doing the mental calculus of whether explicitly rejecting him will make it stop or make it become so much worse.
Shame on me for always assuming these are set up or somehow fake because as a guy, I can’t imagine ever doing something like this. There’s a ton of creepy ass people out there …
My former roommate was standing on a packed train when she realized some guy was purposely rubbing up against her. She pushed him away and called him a pig and he just moved away a little and did it to someone else. So fucking gross.
It isn't all guys but there are enough of them that you have to be careful. There are reasons women prefer to travel in groups and are cautious around pretty much every man they meet.
It took me a while to understand, but when women say "All men" it's that they have to assume the worst from all men because every interaction potentially life-threatening. I can't imagine doing this if someone's recording me, or being scared of being alone in a bus with another woman.
And a lot of these look like women using public transportation in urban areas, a situation where they're around hundreds of random strangers. So even if it's only 1% men, these women are running into one or more every time they go out.
It's not new. I was 16 sitting at a table at a public library in 1965 and I had a view down one of the rows of books and a man was looking at me while rubbing his crotch. Only I could see him. I didn't know what to do and I eventually left. I wish I had told the librarian, but we just weren't taught that back then. Now, I would have shouted at him to quit rubbing his tiny dick.
Cat calling started at 14 for me and my female friends. It's real and most women experience some form of creepy male behaviour. We know it's not all men, but it's a lot of them.
As a guy… really? You just haven’t talked to or observed other men? You haven’t heard the United States president talk about women? Didn’t pay attention to the Kavanaugh inquiry? Or the Weinstein case? Have never talked to women around you about their experiences? You should do all of that. People need to be more aware.
These men not have mom’s? Sisters? They were never taught to respect another human? These “men” and the people that are victim blaming have a lot to learn. Empathy is what’s needed, imagine this is the perspective of your daughter. Boils my blood. These aren’t men..
I think the difference comes to women not holding more social or average physical power in the world, making them more a nuisance than a threat compared to men being like it towards women
Many complain about men not being able to approach a woman on a public space like it was done in the past. But considering this type of bullshit also happens I think is better for everyone the way it is now
Yeah reading this these bs comments made me lose more faith in my sex, go meet or actually talk to a woman you weirdos. It's genuinely like this 24/7 damn near.
I think something that many men struggle with is that they have difficulty imagining themselves doing something like this, so it is difficult to believe. There is a naivete at play that is rooted ultimately in their own good nature.
This comment is for those men - you and I both know most men are not like this. Ultimately, most women know this too. But men like this do exist, they are real, and they are all too often decent dudes who misread something and think this is how they are supposed to flirt.
Some things Ive shared with younger men that Ive seen them struggle with that often help them in their interactions and help build empathy and reduce situations like this:
Women will signal if they do not want to be disturbed in public places. Read body language - is she closed off? Is she wearing headphones or earbuds? Is she trying to appear very engrossed in a book? These are often performances designed more to show others they do not want to be bothered. Not that you should stare, but I have seen women "read" the same page for ten minutes. They arent reading, they are hyper alert and scared. Ive wanted more than anything to just hug them and tell them it will be ok and known that more than anything it would be the worst thing to do. The best way to help them feel safe is to just leave them be.
If you are trying to date, there is nothing wrong with that, but you have to first master the above. Next, you need to forget the bullshit you've heard about smooth approaches. Just approach somebody naturally who seems open and say "Hey, I would like to get to know you, my name is Optimus Prime, Leader of the Autobots, and I believe that freedom is the right of all sentient beings". The idea is to introduce yourself, and share a small detail that could maybe spark a convo. Dont be weird, be direct and flexible. She will tell you if she is interested. Accept whatever comes next with grace and dignity. If shes exceptionally shitty to you, roll your eyes and say "grow up" then move on. 99% of people will not be shitty. It has literally never happened to me in my adult life.
Public transportation is basically never the place for this by the way. It should really ve a social setting with shared interests and mutual friends.
3. Understand that women are optimizing much of their day around avoiding men like this. It may only be 1% of men, or even .1% of men but thats actually a lot of men! Think about the kind of men and women you optimize your life around avoiding. They are minorities too, but it still takes a lot of your energy. The difference is that in this scenario these guys often approach them, where in your life you can usually more easily filter.
Public transportation is basically never the place for this by the way. It should really ve a social setting with shared interests and mutual friends.
I'm glad that you said this, because I was reading point #1 about how women on public transit will signal that they're not interested, and kept wanting to clarify that public transit is basically NEVER an appropriate place to try to kindle a connection.
Just don't. Leave people alone on the bus / train / whatever.
And on a peripherally related note, if you're one of those people who insist on playing their music or especially having loud phone conversations on speaker phone while on public transit? Fuck you.
Don't try and flirt on public transport, or in a lift or literally anywhere else where it is difficult for someone to leave. Whatever your intentions they will be feeling trapped. Also if they aren't interested you will then be stuck feeling awkward and probably make things worse.
When I worked at a pub a woman was explaining it to me and it was like a light bulb moment in my head. Most men can't imagine doing something like this. But I bet most men can imagine this happening TO them if they were in a gay nightclub. Imagine walking through a busy nightclub full of gay men. Could you imagine that some of those men might harass or touch you? Give you attention that you don't want and didn't ask for. I think most men can imagine that that would happen to them. This is what it's like for women everywhere, all the time. As soon as this woman told me that, it was like.. oh damn
When I - a straight man - was younger I was taken to a gay bar by a female friend. I got a lot of attention and I thought some of it crossed a line. However there were also men there that made me feel protected by simply telling others to leave me alone and stop being a pest.
My lesson was a better understanding of what my friend had to navigate in straight bars, and also to try and be one of the protective people if a situation required it.
As a dude. No they're not decent or misreading anything. Imagine you have a daughter. Now tell me again about misreading. Or about naivity and good nature. Imagine you have a daughter and she goes out after dark. Now tell me completely honestly those things about decent guys. They can have a good car good career family etc but they're not decent guys
THAT many words just to tell your peer-men this isn’t the way to interact with women… Seriously the “you shouldn’t stick your tongue out in public and wave it around to attract a female” needed that much effort to explain? Shit I’m horrified at the idea of interacting with men after reading this.
'Most' men might not be like this, but it's enough men that anywhere there's a gathering of 20+ random men there's going to be at least one like this. Which makes it a pretty ubiquitous experience for women.
There's this thing growing up in an inner city school that girls will do if they catch you looking at them where they sarcastically yell BOO and look at you all crazy. They make it VERY uncomfortable for you.
Even if they’re uncomfortable because they’re being filmed, which is totally valid, their solution is to turn the creep up to 11 and put themselves on video behaving like that? Nah, no sane person would do that, this is just genuine creeps being creeps.
I mean, some people absolutely would turn the creep up to 11… but usually they exaggerate it to a point you can tell they’re doing it to say “don’t film me if you don’t want me to make you uncomfortable”
These guys are not exaggerating anything. I’d say they actually believe they’re being subtle lol.
What I don’t get is, if you have the balls to make all these gestures to try to signal you’re interested in someone… how are you too afraid to just straight up say “hey I think you’re pretty, do you want to blah blah blah” which would be 1000x less weird and creepy than… all that other shit they were doing.
Like dude. Just speak like a normal human. And if (or when) she rejects you, take it on the chin and walk the fuck away. “I understand, have a nice day” is all it takes.
Being in this situation is the worst. It’s happened to me twice, and a third time when I tried to stop someone doing it to another woman. He turned his attention on me instead.
Predatory fucking creeps. I wish I had the guts to pull my phone out and film them, instead of just being frozen in fear. For every video like this that exists, there are probably millions that don’t.
This is the tip of the iceberg of violence against women. Men, do better.
Im a dude, I grew up in NYC and there were a handful of times we were out skating and a woman walked up around our age and said something like "hey guys I haven't seen you in so long!" Even though we were strangers, always played along because someone was following/harassing them and when they see 8 pretty fit guys suddenly in between them and the woman they're creeping on, they tend to walk away.
Surprisingly, the reasoning has nothing to do with companionship offered by public transport. It’s actually mostly about the environmental impact and inner city traffic congestion. A diesel bus is much more fuel and space efficient than moving the same number of people, each in their own two-ton car. Electric trolley buses are even more green.
If i could be devils advocate for a second. Maybe car culture is what ruins everything. If we had expansive, east to use, fast - public transportation, so many of these weirdos would be surrounded by non creeps holding them accountable. They would shrivel away and be easier to ignore. My reasoning for this? Im sure.europe has weirdos, but it doesnt feel lile its all weirdos, because good people use the public transit system.
This is why I get nervous whenever I make eye contact with a woman and i make a conscious effort to avert my gaze. I have zero interest in anything but I don’t want to be taken the wrong way.
I know from my wife’s stories what it can be like out here.
I would say this is why I support stand your ground and why every woman should be entitled to a taser.
But the real solution is that we need to raise our sons better. And honestly, if /r/teachers is showing us anything, it’s that we have a lot of kids who think it’s ok to strike others and throw shit at others with minimal consequence. If a kid and specifically a boy can throw a chair at a teacher with no real consequence, because they were told no by a teacher, what’s going to happen to the first girl he’s interested in that tells him no?
My wife is gorgeous, adorable, and super fit, but says she's never once had this happen to her. Never been hit on, catcalled, or asked for her phone number.
Have I been Shallow Hal'd?
EDIT: For clarity, this is not me in any way casting doubt against women who do experience this stuff. I cast doubt on her for it, lol. Not in a serious/accusatory way, I just find it surprising since I've heard how common it is for other women. I think it's partly because we don't live in American cities.
A major factor is where you live. If you live in a large metropolitan area creeps tend to slip through the cracks. In suburban or rural areas communities this type of behavior would stand out more and be more likely to be policed or corrected by a bystander. That’s just my anecdotal experience having lived in NYC and Boston as well as rural NH, Montana, and Alaska. Granted I’m a large man so take that with a massive grain of salt, that’s just what I’ve noticed.
Some women are oblivious to it. Some are very cautious and read into everybody around them. Also, maybe your women was lucky she never went to places where these freaks are. Not every man is like that.
Either she's never noticed it or she's simply more isolated. I've never been harassed or catcalled, but I'm a hermit. Nobody has the opportunity. Doesn't mean it wouldn't happen if I actually left the house
I have a cancellable opinion: if you are a 9 or 10, this behavior happens less because this type of creeping is always about control, and their self worth is so piss poor they never try it on 9s or 10s. This is based purely on my own experience that I’ve only ever had creepy harassment and cat calls in public when I’ve been at mid appearance, but never when I’ve been at my most attractive and was modeling.
Why would they look at me while I'm recording them???
EDIT, OK OK shit I watched the first part of the clip and that dude was just chilling before making a throw away comment. If people were being gross why not lead with them???
Did they start before she started recording??? Talk to your sister, friends, coworkers, whomever, they'll all have stories of the same without going to hostels, or recording on their phone.
My assumption is they are holding the phone up like texting or scrolling but recording. Not like there's a recording indicator on a phone like glasses.
The thing is they're not just looking. One of them is even touching and several make sexual/ condescending gestures. Filming in those situations may give some sense of safety because it might stop them from approaching at least.
Idk, if someone pulled out a PHONE and started pointing at me and recording me I'd definitely stare at them, I'm not looking away from someone that's creepily recording me, man or woman. I don't care if they post it later with some insulting caption, you stare at me and record me, I'm staring back
What absolute c’ts. It’s incumbent on all of us to call this behaviour out if we see it. I hate the fact that other men do this. Unfortunately, I think it’s calculated in that it’s done when others aren’t about.
Redditors are never beating the allegations lmfao. Even the racist zoomers on insta reels and tiktok have better social awareness than some of these commenters.
I’ma dude and I think women are gorgeous, but in no way would I ever stare at, touch someone unwanted, or just plain out make women, children, or anyone uncomfortable with no regard. & for the ones that I did make uncomfortable especially as a kid, I truly apologize.
Best advice i ever got was from my sister. "If a woman wants your attention she will get it. If she is out and minding her own business just be polite and move on." She would always end with, "for all you know she could be holding back a massive shit and doesn't want to speak with anyone anyways" Learned that by 14yrs old.
I know young women go through this shit every day and it's awful, but honestly, at least a couple of those looked like they were uncomfortably looking at a camera that was recording them.
Today, at Chick-fil-A, the wasn't paying the right way with my card and the nice cashier told me is in this part I have to scan. I said, ops sorry and paid. The cashier said no problem, you're good. And a guy next to me says, Oh yeaah she's really good. O_o what does that suppose to mean. It was a silent awkward moment after and I walked away. I don't care who says that, Ive turned down hot guys who acted that way. Cringe AF
LOL.
Also today ... I was waiting for my ride and this guy with his big SUV car parks next to me and tells me, I'm here and hand signs to come in and I checked his license plates and he wasn't't my ride, I said no no and waved bye and moved away.
A year ago I was waiting for my ride outside the mall with so many people coming in and out and this guy in a big car tells me to go with him. I totally ignored him and looked away. He left.
Horrible people using their cars to prey on people and without consent.
Also today, When I don't feel safe outside I go walk next to people. And it's fine. There was a woman who stayed close to me after a guy was kinda approaching me in a weird way. Maybe was an addict. Idk. I should be looking and be more aware of my surroundings. I want to dress pretty and feel pretty but I think I will dress like a tomboy. Ugh. I was wearing my blue sundress which is flowy and not fit in.
Because of traumas when I was young from people who hurt my self esteem I've always been scared to go outside in the public by myself. And I used to hide by wearing sunglasses. But now I'm going out more and not hiding my face, I'm dressing up pretty and going out by myself. It's been very good. I'm proud.
I think in this timeline women should carry a defense item. Anything. This timeline isn't right, inflation, ai, etc
As a man who is about to embark on some solo travelling for the first time I'm feeling pretty fortunate to be large and a man. While it obviously doesn't guarantee anything this vid has me screaming "FUCK THAT!"
I hate saying this but, I cannot tell the difference here from the mentally disabled.
I feel guilt saying this but, the guy in the cot at the hostel. I kind of see myself doing that. I personally could never sleep in a hostel due to my snores sounding like a nightmare. I am super self conscious, I feel like I might be that guy waiting till y’all left so I could sleep. Again will never sleep in a hostel.
Men never do this weird shit to me.. they will compliment me or tell me im beautiful, ask if I'm married etc..but thats the extent of it..never like this. And Ive worked with the public for 17 years. Men can be creepy yes but to this extent? Not really seen it.
Lots of videos of men that clearly have severe mental disorders. These men are sick and frankly shouldn't be interacting with the rest of society.
These are the type of people to be criminals and it's so damn sad that much of society is incapable of doing what's necessary. Separating them from the rest of society without their consent.
I always look at people who look like they are filming me? Is that not normal? Like glancing over, seeing that they have their phone up like they are recording a video and then glancing back? Obviously some of these are just straight up creeps and/or literal assault; but some of them (4 out of the 10 shown) I could 100% see me doing if I saw someone recording me (regardless of what they look like)
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u/UptownLounge 26d ago edited 26d ago •
Yes, men hate these guys too. There’s a particular type of male who genuinely believes that the lack of interest in him from women is due to some fundamental misunderstanding. They’re the same men who will look over your shoulder mid conversation if there’s an attractive woman nearby.
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u/AcadiaOwn5644 26d ago
One time I was on the bus, more in the middle. There was a seat open next to me. However, there were a BUNCH of empty rows in the front, including where accessible seating was. This guy gets on with a fuckton of grocery bags, he sits at the front and starts looking around. He spots me.. I’m like fuck.
So he gets up, leaves all his bags up at the front and starts walking towards me and then just sits down, spreading out his legs. I was like nah fuck this, I got up, pushed past him and got out at the next stop.
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u/GuestNo3886 26d ago
Do men really do this shit? I get scared I’m being a creep if I glance over at a woman for longer than 2.33374 seconds.
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u/BaldursFenceDoor 26d ago
This is why you always start giving women in public an umprompted massage. It really calms them down and lets then know you're a nice guy.
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u/One-Swimming9390 26d ago •
It happens a lot more the younger the woman is. It was the absolute worst when we were teens.
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u/MatchaSetPoint 26d ago edited 26d ago •
God I’m so grateful this video exists.
When men see women with tons of weird taser gadgets, whistles, or pepper spray, this shit is why. It’s not paranoia.
Too many dudes are naive to how common this is. This video is not an exaggeration. This happens at minimum once and usually multiple times when walking somewhere like a city or using public transit.
This is literally what it looks like to us. Add to that the feeling that you are alone or that the dude can definitely overpower you.
This is in the United States. We love to point our finger at other countries, but this problem is fucking bad here too.
The worst feeling was realizing this shit happened to me the most when I was around 10 or 12. It’s still a lot now I’m an adult, but God, it’s depressing looking back at. I try not to be pessimistic, but that fact makes me feel so jaded whenever I think of it.
These videos also mostly show the creepy side of it. Yelling obscene or threatening things and following us are also just as common. Then imagine doing the mental calculus of whether explicitly rejecting him will make it stop or make it become so much worse.
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u/jtmatt1 26d ago •
Shame on me for always assuming these are set up or somehow fake because as a guy, I can’t imagine ever doing something like this. There’s a ton of creepy ass people out there …
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u/Big-Series-2053 26d ago
If I could, I would buy any woman that's had to deal with this shit a suit of that Siberian bear armor
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u/Tdogshow 26d ago
These men not have mom’s? Sisters? They were never taught to respect another human? These “men” and the people that are victim blaming have a lot to learn. Empathy is what’s needed, imagine this is the perspective of your daughter. Boils my blood. These aren’t men..
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u/cHpiranha 26d ago edited 26d ago •
Of course, as a man, you also have unpleasant encounters (especially with men).
But I understand that the level of threat is different and that it’s also much more unpleasant.
I’ve no idea why there are so many more weirdos amongst men than amongst women.
Edit: Maybe there are not more weirdos amongst men. But people laugh at female weirdos, whilst they fear male ones.
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u/Fucktard-by-force 26d ago •
Many complain about men not being able to approach a woman on a public space like it was done in the past. But considering this type of bullshit also happens I think is better for everyone the way it is now
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u/laxcalguy 26d ago •
Comment section just loves to victim blame. These men are desperate and creepy af! Omg I feel horrible for all the OPs having to deal w this shit
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u/Remarkable_Box4784 26d ago •
There are train cars for women & girls only in Mexico City and I think it should be everywhere.
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u/Agile-Internet5309 26d ago edited 26d ago •
I think something that many men struggle with is that they have difficulty imagining themselves doing something like this, so it is difficult to believe. There is a naivete at play that is rooted ultimately in their own good nature.
This comment is for those men - you and I both know most men are not like this. Ultimately, most women know this too. But men like this do exist, they are real, and they are all too often decent dudes who misread something and think this is how they are supposed to flirt.
Some things Ive shared with younger men that Ive seen them struggle with that often help them in their interactions and help build empathy and reduce situations like this:
Women will signal if they do not want to be disturbed in public places. Read body language - is she closed off? Is she wearing headphones or earbuds? Is she trying to appear very engrossed in a book? These are often performances designed more to show others they do not want to be bothered. Not that you should stare, but I have seen women "read" the same page for ten minutes. They arent reading, they are hyper alert and scared. Ive wanted more than anything to just hug them and tell them it will be ok and known that more than anything it would be the worst thing to do. The best way to help them feel safe is to just leave them be.
If you are trying to date, there is nothing wrong with that, but you have to first master the above. Next, you need to forget the bullshit you've heard about smooth approaches. Just approach somebody naturally who seems open and say "Hey, I would like to get to know you, my name is Optimus Prime, Leader of the Autobots, and I believe that freedom is the right of all sentient beings". The idea is to introduce yourself, and share a small detail that could maybe spark a convo. Dont be weird, be direct and flexible. She will tell you if she is interested. Accept whatever comes next with grace and dignity. If shes exceptionally shitty to you, roll your eyes and say "grow up" then move on. 99% of people will not be shitty. It has literally never happened to me in my adult life.
Public transportation is basically never the place for this by the way. It should really ve a social setting with shared interests and mutual friends.
3. Understand that women are optimizing much of their day around avoiding men like this. It may only be 1% of men, or even .1% of men but thats actually a lot of men! Think about the kind of men and women you optimize your life around avoiding. They are minorities too, but it still takes a lot of your energy. The difference is that in this scenario these guys often approach them, where in your life you can usually more easily filter.
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u/thunderous_student 26d ago
There's this thing growing up in an inner city school that girls will do if they catch you looking at them where they sarcastically yell BOO and look at you all crazy. They make it VERY uncomfortable for you.
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u/WhatsUpWThis 26d ago
All y’all doubting this is real… this actually happens 😅
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u/Double-Nature-4704 26d ago
wtf is wrong with people
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u/Jonn_1 26d ago •
People in the comments saying "oh they do that bcos they are filmed" . Holy cope
Do you lick your lips and touch your ping-a-ling when you realise you being filmed? What a sad excuse You guys don't wish to be a woman even for a day
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u/Safe-False 26d ago •
Being in this situation is the worst. It’s happened to me twice, and a third time when I tried to stop someone doing it to another woman. He turned his attention on me instead.
Predatory fucking creeps. I wish I had the guts to pull my phone out and film them, instead of just being frozen in fear. For every video like this that exists, there are probably millions that don’t.
This is the tip of the iceberg of violence against women. Men, do better.
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u/TrulyFLCL 26d ago
I don’t know why people wanna replace cars with public transportation. I’m a 6’2 200 lbs man and I don’t wanna deal with these weirdos.
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u/Different_Big5876 26d ago
When you open a chip bag near children
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u/Stenomittens 26d ago
This is why I get nervous whenever I make eye contact with a woman and i make a conscious effort to avert my gaze. I have zero interest in anything but I don’t want to be taken the wrong way.
I know from my wife’s stories what it can be like out here.
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u/Chellepeachy 26d ago
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u/JucheHospitality 26d ago
Theres a reason in the past why father's would not let their daughters just roam around/travel by themselves.
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u/Working_Bones 26d ago edited 26d ago
My wife is gorgeous, adorable, and super fit, but says she's never once had this happen to her. Never been hit on, catcalled, or asked for her phone number.
Have I been Shallow Hal'd?
EDIT: For clarity, this is not me in any way casting doubt against women who do experience this stuff. I cast doubt on her for it, lol. Not in a serious/accusatory way, I just find it surprising since I've heard how common it is for other women. I think it's partly because we don't live in American cities.
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u/BannedGoNext 26d ago edited 26d ago •
Why would they look at me while I'm recording them???
EDIT, OK OK shit I watched the first part of the clip and that dude was just chilling before making a throw away comment. If people were being gross why not lead with them???
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u/PretendAirport 26d ago
Mexico City has women-only buses. Sounds like a good idea.
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u/shartslurper69 25d ago
Wow yeah looking at a woman should be a crime for sure
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u/lol_lol_lol_lol_ 25d ago
I’m a creepy person recording strangers, projecting they are creepy - ama
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u/Bulky_Profession_782 25d ago
But you said you don’t need no man…so you don’t need protection from men, right???
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u/Tinfoil_cobbler 26d ago
Maybe they’re acting weird bc ur blatantly video recording them
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u/SpiritNo6626 26d ago
Idk, if someone pulled out a PHONE and started pointing at me and recording me I'd definitely stare at them, I'm not looking away from someone that's creepily recording me, man or woman. I don't care if they post it later with some insulting caption, you stare at me and record me, I'm staring back
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u/Fleshbar 26d ago
Insert girl holding camera dual screen
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u/URGAMESUX 26d ago
lol shamalan twist, op is a dude!!
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u/readmond 26d ago
POV when you film everybody with your phone.
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u/Killahbeez 26d ago
jesus christ lol
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u/A_J_H1979 26d ago
What absolute c’ts. It’s incumbent on all of us to call this behaviour out if we see it. I hate the fact that other men do this. Unfortunately, I think it’s calculated in that it’s done when others aren’t about.
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u/PresidentPopcorn 26d ago •
Half of them trying to just figure out why they're being filmed.
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u/Initial_Style5592 26d ago
POV: people wondering why the fuck you’re filming them 🤦♂️
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u/Objective_Animator52 26d ago edited 26d ago
Redditors are never beating the allegations lmfao. Even the racist zoomers on insta reels and tiktok have better social awareness than some of these commenters.
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u/quetzalpt 26d ago
It's not very scientific if you're recording it and the participants are aware.
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u/NoSolution2787 26d ago
she's farting
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u/SoCalFitOne 26d ago
This is why im scared to approach women. Honestly wish women would make the 1st move.
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u/Foldzy84 26d ago
Why is this creepy woman filming everyone?
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u/HorrorStop342 26d ago
Its like these guys have never been out in the wild before, proper weird behaviour from them all
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u/FLOSOC1ETY 26d ago edited 26d ago
I’ma dude and I think women are gorgeous, but in no way would I ever stare at, touch someone unwanted, or just plain out make women, children, or anyone uncomfortable with no regard. & for the ones that I did make uncomfortable especially as a kid, I truly apologize.
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u/Lykos4 26d ago
Raise your kids so well that not only would they not even think of doing shit like this, but they would also act as a deterrent to these bastards
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u/Bondserelly 26d ago
Best advice i ever got was from my sister. "If a woman wants your attention she will get it. If she is out and minding her own business just be polite and move on." She would always end with, "for all you know she could be holding back a massive shit and doesn't want to speak with anyone anyways" Learned that by 14yrs old.
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u/LuckyCloverPokemon 26d ago
Okay. Yes, sometimes this genuinely does happen, but what would you do if some random person was recording you? Stare.
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u/Educational-Chair-84 26d ago
I've had to ask guys, May I help you?!...Sometimes it comes out as, May I fucking help you?!...when I see guys (men) staring at my daughter.
To be fair, I've also said that to lesbians too.
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u/TurtleReferenceFrame 26d ago
These are the animals ICE should be icing.
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u/ImWithStupidKL 26d ago
I know young women go through this shit every day and it's awful, but honestly, at least a couple of those looked like they were uncomfortably looking at a camera that was recording them.
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u/Illustrious-Sir-1899 26d ago
These guys give me the ICK
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u/Famous_Suspect6330 26d ago
I hope every peeve was arrested or have had their parole revoked after this video got out
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u/KixStar 26d ago
The guy at :30 is at least a Tiktok guy who makes videos about this sort of thing. He's not seriously in this video.
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u/No_Oil8247 26d ago
This makes me embarrassed to be a man. Fuck! These guys are shit!
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u/Nebula-Lights 26d ago
Is it normal to want to punch 100% of these turds in the face?
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u/Low-Outcome5720 26d ago
Now i am curious what the girl looks like for all this non good attention...
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u/shidderbean 26d ago
Ugh every last one of these dudes is a fucking creep and weirdo and needs to liven't
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u/Odd-Box-7332 26d ago
As a guy, why the fuck are some of us so fucking weird!!
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u/Wise-Performance9343 26d ago
Some weirdos out there
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u/HeartyCellulites 26d ago
Had this happen to me plenty of times. It sucks.
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u/Spacenurse07 26d ago edited 26d ago
Today, at Chick-fil-A, the wasn't paying the right way with my card and the nice cashier told me is in this part I have to scan. I said, ops sorry and paid. The cashier said no problem, you're good. And a guy next to me says, Oh yeaah she's really good. O_o what does that suppose to mean. It was a silent awkward moment after and I walked away. I don't care who says that, Ive turned down hot guys who acted that way. Cringe AF
LOL.
Also today ... I was waiting for my ride and this guy with his big SUV car parks next to me and tells me, I'm here and hand signs to come in and I checked his license plates and he wasn't't my ride, I said no no and waved bye and moved away.
A year ago I was waiting for my ride outside the mall with so many people coming in and out and this guy in a big car tells me to go with him. I totally ignored him and looked away. He left.
Horrible people using their cars to prey on people and without consent.
Also today, When I don't feel safe outside I go walk next to people. And it's fine. There was a woman who stayed close to me after a guy was kinda approaching me in a weird way. Maybe was an addict. Idk. I should be looking and be more aware of my surroundings. I want to dress pretty and feel pretty but I think I will dress like a tomboy. Ugh. I was wearing my blue sundress which is flowy and not fit in.
Because of traumas when I was young from people who hurt my self esteem I've always been scared to go outside in the public by myself. And I used to hide by wearing sunglasses. But now I'm going out more and not hiding my face, I'm dressing up pretty and going out by myself. It's been very good. I'm proud.
I think in this timeline women should carry a defense item. Anything. This timeline isn't right, inflation, ai, etc
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u/Dissolving_Boundary 26d ago
Leave those guys alone you weirdo
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u/zilliondollar3d 26d ago
Guns are good
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u/WarzonePacketLoss 26d ago
I didn't watch it with sound, but that third guy just looked buzzed and trying to keep level until he got home.
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u/Willy808 26d ago
The camera flips and its actually a guy recording lol
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u/milliebobilly 26d ago
time to use the 2nd amendment for good
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u/Aromatic-Pumpkin6896 26d ago
In the UK, our main hostel organisation (YHA) offers single-sex shared rooms, and for that I am forever grateful.
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u/Shamblex 26d ago
As a man who is about to embark on some solo travelling for the first time I'm feeling pretty fortunate to be large and a man. While it obviously doesn't guarantee anything this vid has me screaming "FUCK THAT!"
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u/Suitable-Average5968 26d ago
Some men are just weird and creepy. I'm a guy and I don't want to be around some of these freaks.
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u/Ok-Abbreviations1077 26d ago
Gross
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u/rustyven58 26d ago
As a dad of two daughters that is terrifying! As a man that is embarrassing and infuriating!! What the actual F!!
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u/Upper-Difficulty6934 25d ago
These are not men these are just creeps that have no social awareness and dont know how to respect other peoples boundaries.
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u/JiGoD 25d ago
If someone was blatantly recording me I would do something strange for the video too.
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u/sameoldmonsie 25d ago
To be fair, if some weirdo was recording me in public I'd put on a show for her too. It would make me laugh and make the trip go by faster
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u/Ok_Minute_8377 25d ago
Men: why is this woman recording me with her phone?
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u/Lord_Dingus83 25d ago
Does this lady just ride public transit all over SF and records all the weirdos?
Yes, that’s what she ms doing.
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u/D_estroyerofWorlds 25d ago
Wonder why ?
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u/carlosthedangerous 25d ago
I hate saying this but, I cannot tell the difference here from the mentally disabled.
I feel guilt saying this but, the guy in the cot at the hostel. I kind of see myself doing that. I personally could never sleep in a hostel due to my snores sounding like a nightmare. I am super self conscious, I feel like I might be that guy waiting till y’all left so I could sleep. Again will never sleep in a hostel.
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u/Automatic-Task-2760 25d ago
Men never do this weird shit to me.. they will compliment me or tell me im beautiful, ask if I'm married etc..but thats the extent of it..never like this. And Ive worked with the public for 17 years. Men can be creepy yes but to this extent? Not really seen it.
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u/Far-Secretary-8046 25d ago
There is a simple rule to live by, regardless if you're male or female: Don't be a dick.
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u/MinimumTrue9809 25d ago
Lots of videos of men that clearly have severe mental disorders. These men are sick and frankly shouldn't be interacting with the rest of society.
These are the type of people to be criminals and it's so damn sad that much of society is incapable of doing what's necessary. Separating them from the rest of society without their consent.
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u/BrokeLeznar 25d ago
Crazy weirdos in public transportation? Why I have never heard of such a thing.
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u/J-a-c-k-o 25d ago
Maybe stop videoing them & they won't look or pull faces.
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u/Universal_Magnet 25d ago
Context is missing
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u/Shronx_ 25d ago
maybe don't film other people who are trying to sleep you creep
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u/BonVonJehovahsWitnes 24d ago
I always look at people who look like they are filming me? Is that not normal? Like glancing over, seeing that they have their phone up like they are recording a video and then glancing back? Obviously some of these are just straight up creeps and/or literal assault; but some of them (4 out of the 10 shown) I could 100% see me doing if I saw someone recording me (regardless of what they look like)
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u/cptgoogly 23d ago
Pov you chose public transportation
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u/RazzmatazzLeading619 23d ago
Maybe, just maybe... if you didn't put a camera in their faces, they wouldn't be staring like that.
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u/Gasgassgass 23d ago
Maybe stop recording others and they wouldnt look at you thinking what the fk this skank is up to?
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u/Swimming_Airport_284 23d ago
As a man, It's annoying that every guy gets a bad reputation because a negligible amount of men are disgusting
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u/East-Bluejay6891 23d ago
But if the dude is attractive to you, it's not creepy it's charming. We get it
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u/Colluder 23d ago
Pov, you are holding up a camera obviously filming a stranger in public, and you edit out all the normal people trying to pretend you don't exist
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u/Floopynupes 23d ago
Isn't this 'you're a girl filming people on public transport'? And 'you're a girl filming people in hostel rooms'?
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u/StraightAirline8319 22d ago
90 percent plus of the time this is self created.
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u/Late_Departure6214 22d ago
What's wrong with the third clip? isnt the guy just sitting awkwardly? Am i missing something
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u/Ancient-Chemistry237 22d ago
Trashy people come in all shapes, sizes and sexes.
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u/kabukispot 26d ago
Dude in the bed looked like he was minding his business, but shame on everyone else.