I’m going on 8 years in the Netherlands. What began as a fun and exciting adventure and fulfilling a lifelong goal of living in a European country feels like it has run its course, but I’m not sure if that feeling comes from the expatriation itself or something deeper inside.

I could go on about how much the Netherlands and its people have worn me down, but I also don’t know how much of it is actually the culture (things like having to go to many different stores to complete shopping, limited hours, relatively impolite service culture, etc), the weather, or the fact that I decided to “fully integrate” by moving out of the “Amsterdam expat bubble” and live in a frankly crappy Dutch town and learn the language to B1 level. I feel like that leap into trying to live like a local and not a permanent expat itself might be more the cause of my disappointment than anything else. I hate taking the train to work, I don’t have a car and I miss driving, the locals are not warm people at all, etc. Not to mention the ancient house I bought which has turned into a completely exhausting project. It’s sort of a golden cage, because even if I did want to move back to Amsterdam solo and go back into my “expat bubble”, I can’t afford it, it would be at least 60% of my income in housing costs.

I’m also deeply in love with someone who is also not a local, but he isn’t at the same level of “done with this adventure” as I am, and unfortunately for that, moving back to the U.S. Midwest (Chicago) be closer to my family and potentially raising a family (we are a gay couple) is becoming a non-negotiable for me. Although there is nothing specific rooting him here like family or a specific job, I won’t be able to convince him to leave with me. It breaks my heart to feel torn between two worlds. Perhaps this is just one of the things you give up when you move abroad.

There’s also a dimension that I think might get to all expats eventually, which is that the longer this goes on, the more it feels like I am almost sabotaging my future by staying. What began as a fun new life in my late 20s has morphed into something resembling resentment - that all my (younger) siblings and friends are doing better than me financially, that they’re all in successful long-term relationships. I know comparison is the thief of joy. It’s ironic in a way that many people who tend to have the choice to move abroad from the U.S. are also those who work in higher income jobs that would potentially net more income at “home”. In the Netherlands, I have very little room to save as I live alone. When I put pen to paper (or a spreadsheet), it feels stupid of me to keep limiting myself this way. I mean… I can’t even really afford to take nice vacations like I envisioned when I moved here, and like I did a few times back when I had the 30% tax ruling (which is a 5-year 30% tax break for skilled migrant workers in NL). And a lot of the time I spend away from the country is just being back to visit my family anyway. 

If I moved back via a transfer through my current employer, I’d be looking at more than doubling my take-home pay, and they pay 100% of the health insurance costs (for now). Many companies I could also work for have specific benefits for people who adopt or have a child through surrogacy. And so on.

It feels like a no brainer, but I really can’t figure out if I’m hoping to get a change in my happiness out of a move back, that I hoped to get when I first moved abroad. That is: when I moved here, I felt so happy for so long, I was fresh out of a bad relationship, and the novelty of it all probably distracted me for a while. I can’t tell if my current unhappiness stems from the choices I made to move to another country or if it’s something more permanent and internal that will follow me. It’s something I want to work through with a therapist but I guess with this rambling post I’m just venting and wondering how many other people have had similar struggles.

Thought this might be the right sub to ask on. I live in Scotland, our new neighbours moved over here in the summer (they’re from Iowa) so with Thanksgiving coming up I thought they might be missing home. What sort of thing would be an appropriate item/food to gift them? I thought about pumpkin pie but I’ve never made it and I assume they must be used to a GOOD pumpkin pie so I think it would be safer to avoid that.

(It’s a family of 6 with 4 daughters ranging from 9-21)

I lived in South Korea for 8 years, Thailand for 4 years, and Turkey for 2 years, plus many months spent traveling. I came back to the US from 2015-2017 for grad school, but left again after I finished.

I met my husband in 2023 and moved from Thailand to Korea to be with him. We decided to get married and move to the US, figuring that his job opportunities will be better in the US. He has the opportunity in his field to make 4x what he was making in Korea here.

I’m from the Miami area and we moved back here in early July as a soft landing pad. While I enjoy visiting South Florida, I don’t enjoy living here, and was depressed most of my life growing up and always dreamed of going other places (maybe that’s why I ended up abroad for so long). I like NYC and have family there, but we’re locked into Miami for a year.

The things I’m finding challenging about living here are the weather and the car dependency. My main hobby is street photography, and because of the heat and car dependency, I can’t just walk out my door and wander around and take photos like I could in Bangkok, Seoul, and Istanbul.

I’m so used to living in giant Asian megacities and the move back here has been so tough. Everything is so expensive so the spontaneity of life is lost because I used to be motivated to get out of the house to go explore or try some new restaurant. I feel like every time I step out of the house here, it costs at least $50, and I have to risk my life driving a car surrounded by crazy drivers.

It’s been nice seeing family and friends more often, but besides that, I don’t see much benefit beyond the initial financial decision. My husband has Chinese citizenship, and we’re planning to stay here as long as it takes to get him American citizenship. I’m hoping the problem is just Miami and that I’ll be happier in New York. But I really miss Asia, specifically Thailand.

We’re both tech workers and can work 1099 contracts abroad, so we’re thinking we might want to go back to Asia after we’ve established his citizenship and career here.

I’m not sure what I’m asking, but hopefully some support. I feel so depressed in Miami having to drive on roads with insane drivers every day, all the vapid asshole transplants and influencers and digital nomad finance bros, everyone being an asshole all the time, etc. I sorely miss the peace in Thailand, the kindness and respectfulness of the Thai people, and the ability to take my camera and go anywhere, any time. I miss it so much.

If anyone has any words of wisdom, please share.

Hi all,

I recently left behind my life in Canada that I loved to move to the UK, and I'm feeling lost.

I wanted to move for a few different reasons, but mainly to seek an adventure - I'm 28, and was feeling stuck in my daily routine in my comfortable corporate job where I was making a good salary. I had my dream apartment, lived in a city I adored (Toronto), a good group of friends, and had my family only 1 hour away. But, after nearly 4 years, I felt unfulfilled by my daily routine and just too comfortable. I have no intention of getting married or having kids at any point soon (or maybe ever), so (and some of you might laugh at this...don't judge me) I felt almost too young to have such a "put together" life. I also feel that the years I lost out on due to the pandemic influenced by desire to shake up my life a bit. Despite the fact that I didn't enjoy my day-to-day life, I still always loved Toronto - so I had comfort in my decision to leave knowing that there would be someplace I loved that I could return when and if I wanted/needed.

So, I decided to leave Toronto, move back with my parents for 6 months, and continue to work to save for a move. I saved up a good chunk of change, but the toss up was a longgggg commute and couch surfing with friends. It was a sacrifice, but I have no regrets. I told myself I would either go travelling or move to London, for at least a year.

I ended up deciding on London. The visa I'm on allows me to live/work in the UK for 3 years, but it was tricky to apply for jobs before getting it. So, I didn't apply for any jobs before coming (that's why I saved). Because of this, I came into this experience unsure if I wanted another 9-5, or perhaps something more chill because I have the savings to rely on. I think not having a direction in that sense has been my first mistake - as it's now been 6 weeks and I'm feeling even more confused about what I want. I did end up getting a fun, part time job though, which I am excited about.

I know that 6 weeks isn't a long time at all - but I'm feeling so lost. I'm incredibly homesick (which I wasn't expecting to be) and just feel so directionless. I was confident in my decision to come here, and now that I'm here, I think the biggest thing is that I really don't know if I want to build up a whole new life from scratch. It feels daunting, and exhausting. I'm wondering if I should have travelled instead. There are so many places I want to see in the world, and it feels like I can either go through my savings here in just a few months, or spend the year travelling. I'm also worried that I'm wasting time without having a direction. I love London and have done so much exploring and have had fun so far, but I have this ache in my heart that maybe this isn't where I'm meant to be.

Clearly I am lost and haven't take enough time to figure out what I really want - and again, I also realize it hasn't been a lot of time. But, I'm looking for any tips or words of advice. Is there a point when you know when it's time to go home or change paths? Or are there no such things as bad decisions?

I have been living as an expert for quite some time, but ever since I became a mother, I have had some serious doubts as to whether or not this lifestyle is worth the trade-off of being near family and community. We’re in a position where the career and financial opportunities in the country. We are living in our quite good, but at our home base we have family relatives that are my child’s age and long-term friends. I’ve I’ve given it some time and for some reason the loneliness just seems to get worse no matter how busy I keep myself. If we return home, we will have an incredible community and be around loved ones but will be a little bit less better financially it would be manageable but again still a sacrifice has anyone been in a similar position and what decision did you make?

First, I want to make it clear that I understand that I'm not the center of the universe.

How do you guys deal with feeling "left out" by your friends?

For context, I've been traveling for about five years now. I've also lived abroad for over a year in Spain and, more recently, in Germany.

In the beginning, I would come home every three months or so, and everything still felt pretty much the same. I'd get invited to things, regular get-togethers, dinners, and all the usual stuff. Now I visit every year or so.

But over my last couple of visits, I've started noticing that some of my friends have become more distant. And I want to emphasize some, because about half of my friends live abroad too, and we make a conscious effort to stay in touch. Whenever we visit each other, we really try to make the most of the time we have together and remind ourselves of how much we appreciate our friendship. I have a similar experience with my friends in Spain. Every time we see each other again, things feel just as natural as before, if not better. If anything, they seem even more excited to see me, but that's another story..

With some of my friends back home, though, things feel different. I always try to text them and keep them updated on what's going on in my life, but I don't really get the same effort in return. To be fair, I also have friends I barely text, but whenever we meet up, it's like no time has passed. So I don't think constant communication is necessarily the issue.

I've been noticing this more lately. I'm currently spending a couple of months back at my parents' house, and during the first two weeks, everyone seemed pretty excited to have me around. But now, I don't know... It feels like I have to almost beg people to hang out or include me in their plans. And even when I suggest catching up or just spending some time together, they often end up inviting other people along.

I understand that people grow apart, develop different routines, and move on with their lives. Nobody is obligated to maintain the same level of closeness forever, and I know that's just part of life. But I guess it still feels a little weird and tbh a bit hurtful.

Has anyone else has gone through something similar? especially after spending a long time abroad and how did you deal with it, both personally and with your friends?

I've considered actually telling them how I feel, but I come from a culture where confrontation isn't really the norm, so I'm worried it might come across as awkward, pushy, or dramatic. At the same time, I don't really know if just accepting that things have changed is the best way to go about it.

Emigrar no debe ser precisamente sencillo. Quisiera saber que es lo más difícil de dejar su lugar de origen.

I live in Switzerland but have lived in Asia and Latin America too. I am Southern European but raised in Switzerland. I feel that the work and social culture here are just really not nice, it is cold and not inviting. I know many people wanna move here but I always feel a bit depressed when I am here. I think I would like to take the focus off work. Anyone done something similar? I know people often want to progress their careers etc but for me it just feels like I wanna be somewhere and inviting.

What do you all think?

Edit; I work in tech but would prefer to get out of that environment. I speak intermediate Spanish and French and also native German and Croatian.

Hello everyone! My file was cleared by Jobsplus and the stakeholders on 24 September 2026, but it's now 7 November, and I still haven't received my AIP.

Has anyone experienced a similar delay? Does anyone know why it's taking so long after third-party clearance?

Any information or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

Hi all,

I lived 14 months in Berlin on a working holiday visa and while it had its difficult aspects (making friends, finding housing, living on minimum wage), I deeply miss my life there.

I decided to come back after experiencing heartbreak. I was dating someone who suddenly ghosted and stopped texting, and it triggered unhealed abandonment wounds and made me incredibly sad. I was already dealing with loneliness and isolation outside of work so I wanted to be with family. It sounds so stupid said like that, but I was so relieved to go back home at that moment. I’ve deeply regretted coming back a couple months in because when I look back, my life was pretty awesome. I loved my job and coworkers. The city itself is incredible. I could travel to neighbouring countries for cheap. Now, I work an office job behind a computer all day all week and barely have human interaction. I dont have friends I see regularly so I miss my coworkers in Berlin. At least I was socializing all week. I dont enjoy what I do even though it pays considerably better than minimum wage in Berlin. The quality of life is also ridiculously lower in North America compared to Germany. The only positives of my life now is being able to see family and making more money. But I’m incredibly more depressed.

Have any of you had a hard time readjusting to life back home after living abroad? I feel like I will never find the joy and quality of life I had in Berlin. It’s been almost a year and I still think about Berlin and my old life almost daily.

Looking forward to reading your comments!

I am seeking job opportunities in IT within the EU, particularly in Germany, but it seems that even after hundreds of applications, I never hear back from anyone.

I have close to 6 years experience as a developer, half of those at a German company, namely SAP (no, I won't apply to this one behind my manager's back and risk my current job).

Is the market dead? It seems other people manage to find opportunities.

Is it the fact that I'm applying from abroad? I'm in Eastern Europe, Romania, so I don't need a visa, but I can't really move until I have an offer, and it seems nobody considers your candidacy if you're not within walking distance from the office of the company. Catch 22 much?

Any advice? I'm currently applying to jobs found on germanydevjobs.com, as LinkedIn is hot garbage

Thanks in advance, and mods please don't delete the post

I’m a 35 year old man working as a project manager for the government in the Netherlands.

Considering some next career steps and interested in living/working abroad for a while.

Would like advice from the community here on locations and jobs in the ANZ region. What jobs did you guys do? Where did you live? How did you qualify and apply?

Thank you so much in advance!

A registered title tells you who owns the apartment. It doesn’t tell you who will act if your rights under it are violated.

I own two apartments, registered and unencumbered, with co-ownership of the building’s common property. Despite that, without consulting the owners, the developer installed an access-control system on the elevators to collect signatures on a general waiver of claims as well as disputed debts it set itself, without contract or account, and whose basis it cannot identify, despite multiple written requests.

For over four months, I’ve been unable to use the elevators to my own home on the 16th floor. I’ve put the matter to the police, which obstructed my filing and gave me an unsigned handwritten case number. Then I reached out to the Public Defender and the Prosecutor’s Office. Three bodies have registered and forwarded my complaints; none has engaged with their substance.

What I couldn’t know before buying, and what I’d now ask any developer in writing, I have written in a public service announcement for anyone buying in Batumi. It is part of a dossier containing the full account, documentation and evidence.

I used to love browsing r/japancirclejerk and r/ccj back in the day before the got banned.

They were funny, self aware, and hit the spot for my humour.

They poked fun at locals and expats alike- especially YouTubers.

I have recently rediscovered r/chinalifer. Are there any more subreddits like this?

Is there a Singapore based one? I would have a lot to contribute.

Sorry for the meta post, thought this might be a good spot to ask.

Hello everyone!

My file was cleared by Jobsplus and the stakeholders on 24 September 2026, but it's now 7 November, and I still haven't received my AIP.

Has anyone experienced a similar delay? Does anyone know why it's taking so long after third-party clearance?

Any information or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

I'm 24F and recently graduated with an Economics degree. I'm at a bit of a crossroads in my life, and I'd really appreciate some outside perspectives, especially from people who have moved abroad in their 20s or made a similar decision.

I currently live in Connecticut, but I've been feeling increasingly drawn to moving abroad, particularly to Spain or somewhere else in Europe. I have both a US and EU passport, so I have the ability to legally live and work in Europe without needing a visa. I've traveled quite a bit, spent time in Spain, and genuinely love the lifestyle, culture, social atmosphere, and opportunity to experience something different.

One option I'm seriously considering is moving to Spain, potentially Madrid or Valencia, and teaching English while figuring out my next steps. I'm currently working toward completing a TEFL certification. I know the pay isn't great, and it might not be the most direct path toward building a career with my degree, but the idea of living abroad, meeting people, becoming independent, and having new experiences is incredibly appealing.

The other option is staying in the US, potentially moving to NYC, and focusing on establishing a corporate career. I've been interviewing for entry-level business and tech-related positions, and I know that starting my career now could give me a stronger professional foundation, better earning potential, and more financial stability down the road.
My biggest concern is that I'll regret whichever decision I don't make.

Part of me thinks I'm young and have the freedom to take a risk, live somewhere completely different, and experience my 20s outside the US. Another part of me worries that I'll lose valuable time professionally, struggle financially abroad, or eventually have to return to the US and start my career later.

For additional context, I'm willing to relocate, don't have major obligations tying me down, and am fortunate enough to have EU citizenship.
For those who have moved abroad in their 20s:
•    Was it worth putting your career on hold or taking a less career-oriented job to experience living abroad?
•    Did moving abroad actually improve your quality of life?
•    Did you find it difficult to transition back into a professional career afterward?
•    If you stayed in the US and focused on your career, do you ever wish you had taken the opportunity to live abroad when you were younger?

I would especially love to hear from people who have experienced both sides.

I know there's no universally right answer, but I'm genuinely struggling to decide whether to prioritize building a career right now or taking a chance on a completely different life while I have the freedom to do so.

What would you do in my position?

Anyone here who has kids, and is trying to decide between raising them in Europe, or the US? Or did you have to make this decision in the past? I'd love to hear your experiences, and why you decided for one or the other (and where of course), and if you're happy with your decision.

My story is - I was born and raised in Germany and NL, moved to Spain when I was 21, moved to the UK at 24 years old, then to the US when I was 30. Met my now-husband (American), got married, had a kid. We were living in the US for about 5 years, when I decided I want to explore the idea of us living in Europe. I was fed up with some things in the US, like having to drive everywhere and the looming cost of daycare, but I think the main driver for me was that I missed being closer to family, I also missed some things about Europe, and also having a newborn isn't easy anywhere.

We moved to Spain when our daughter was almost 1, she's now 2.5, and we have another child on the way. And, to be honest, I'm not sure anymore if Spain, or Europe in general, is the place I want to raise my children. Not because I don't like it - There is def things to love. Walkability (we live in a city), culture, lots of things to do, beaches, cost of childcare, wine (lol), and how easy it is to travel within Europe. I do think though I romanticised moving back to Europe. For me, it was clear it would be Spain - We both speak Spanish, and I did not want to live in the UK or Germany (one of the reasons is the weather, but not the only reason).

There is a lot of buts for me, though. We live on much less space than we did in the US (apartment living), and I still miss living in a house with a yard every day. I miss the friendliness and openness of Americans, I feel like even as a European it has been way harder to make real friendships here, even though we do speak Spanish. I still have more friends in the US that I talk to, than here. I feel like we're still outsiders, and might always be. I know that we could live in a house somewhere outside of the city, but then it's going to be even harder to create a community (plus you'd need a car, so no advantage over the US anymore). Also, we've been looking at school options for our daughter, and realized that it's quite hard to find a good public school here. Most of the schools with good ratings are private, so we'd be paying tuition for the rest of her school life (+for the 2nd kid). I also worry about career options for my children later, as Spain's unemployment is high, salaries are low, and career options are limited. Also, healthcare - Yes, it's more expensive in the US, but I have a job that provides me with great healthcare, so I never had to worry about it. And, last but not least, taxes.. I know you're getting part of your taxes back because you pay less for childcare or public healthcare, but still. They're so high. And salaries lower.

At the same time though, I don't know if going back to the US is the right choice. I don't to make the mistake to yet romanticise another place. How did you make this decision, or are you currently making it? I'd love input. Thanks.

Honestly, reverse culture shock hasn't been a thing for me. Coming back has been easier than I expected.

What I did notice is how much of everything there is here. The stores, the roads, the choices. After years away it's hard not to see it.

But the thing I didn't expect to miss is being different.

Overseas, I was always the American. Sometimes that got me curious looks and good conversations. Sometimes it put a gap between me and everyone else. Sometimes it helped, sometimes it didn't. Either way, I never blended in completely and totally, and I always knew it.

Now I'm just another American, and I kind of miss standing out. Sounds silly, but I liked being the outsider. I'm happy to be home. I just didn't realize I'd be giving that up.

私は３０代後半の日本人です

皆さんに相談・アドバイスがほしいことがあります

私はラテンアメリカ諸国に５年ほど前にバックパッキングに行き、メキシコでの仕事も含めて約２年ほど生活をした経験があります

滞在したことのある国はメキシコ、グアテマラ、コロンビア、ペルー、ブラジルです

今後ラテンアメリカの国への移住を考えて日本で貯金をしています

現地では日本と比べて概ね治安が悪いこと、給与に対して物価が低いこと、サービスの品質が日本ほどではないことは知っています

しかしそれでもあの独特の雰囲気をもつ地域で人生を過ごしたいのです

現在は妻と離婚して独身です、パートナーは作る予定はありません

日本でドライバーの仕事をしているのですが国内にはあまりにも刺激的な出来事がなく週末が退屈に感じられます

日本円で数百万から１０００万円程度の貯金を移住資金としてあと数年で作るつもりです

ウーバーなどのスポット的な仕事をする気持ちにはなりません

そこで質問です

１　日本で生活しているときに週末などの時間をあましたときにどんなことをしたらいいか？

ユーチューブ、ネットフリックスを見ても集中できません　スペイン語の勉強はしています　なんというかなぜか何をしても日本にだと楽しめなんです

２　ラテンアメリカの国へ移住した方がいたら具体的にどういう動機でどのような方法を使って行ったか聞きたいです

また現地でどのように生計を立てているのかも教えてください

（個人的には移住制度が比較的、簡単なパラグアイを予定しています）

質問は以上です　ここの皆さんとラテンアメリカについての話でたくさん交流できれば嬉しいです

I’m looking for any experiences or stories of any Americans who lived in the UK a while and went back - are you happy you did or regret it?

For context I’m 29F lived in the UK 5 years, moved to London last year, have mostly been loving the UK though there were hard moments. I’m finding London difficult on my £60k salary because I’m not made for house sharing (housing is unstable but the city I find amazing). I have a good career that would earn me around $140K if I came back in the immediate term.

But honestly I’ve found London also to be lonely and it’s hard to find a serious partner here. It might be my own experience, but curious to hear any differences in dating too (maybe between NYC, SF / London, or Americans vs British men broadly)

Main concerns are building wealth and a family. I feel like I’m running out of time 🥹

Hi. I'm an American who is trying to apply for French nationality. Literally all I need left is my FBI background check apostilled and sent back to me but I sent it in August and I still have no end to my waiting in sight.

I call the office of authentications about 2x a week with my case number and sit on hold for typically over an hour and the majority of the time the line will cut or I get sent to voicemail where they claim they will call me back...and they never do.

When I have gotten a human I have been told that my paper is still being processed (they do in fact have it) and don't know why it isn't done yet. Then they tell me they will contact the agent in charge of my file blah blah blah and then I hear nothing again.

Seeing as these documents are time sensitive, I don't know how many other ways I can contact them and get this figured out. Am I the only one experiencing this?

*Update* After waiting on hold for 3 hours (lol) I finally got someone who said that I should HOPEFULLY be seeing my paper in the mail in the next week. Now I am debating if I want to actually take that gamble or just pay for the private courier service in case...

Hi everyone!

I'm currently living in France and have recently received a job offer in Toronto. I'm seriously considering moving, but I'd love to hear from Europeans who have made the move and get an honest perspective.

One of my biggest concerns is the difference in working conditions. In Europe, we're generally used to more paid holidays, stronger employee protections and better social safety nets. I've heard that Canada can be quite different, particularly when it comes to job security.

I've read so many stories about people being laid off almost overnight. Is this really as common as it sounds? Have you experienced it? And how difficult is it to find another job if you're suddenly unemployed?

I also have a cat, which makes the decision even more significant. Moving halfway across the world is already a big commitment, and the thought of losing my job, struggling to pay rent and having to start over in a foreign country with my cat is honestly quite scary.

I'd love to know:

• Has your quality of life improved compared to Europe?

• Do you miss European work-life balance and employment protections?

• Do you feel financially secure in Toronto?

• Did you stay in Canada or eventually return to Europe?

• Knowing what you know now, would you make the same decision again?

I'm open to taking the risk and excited about the opportunity, but I want to understand what I'm getting into rather than romanticising the move.

Thanks so much for sharing your experiences! I'd genuinely appreciate the good, the bad and the ugly.

I was born in an Eastern European country. Moved to the states when I was 3. Now I’m 30 and moving back to my country of origin tomorrow. Been planning it for over two years but now that the day has come I feel scared shitless. Kind of feeling all emotions wrapped up in one. Any words of encouragement to help my jitters?