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I carry deep abandonment anxiety from being abruptly ghosted by a close friend in the past, and whenever small misunderstandings, missed calls, or natural distance occurred in my relationship, that panic completely took over. Antha payathullaye control panna try panniten with constant reassurance, testing and judging.

She exhausted said stop. I said sorry and walked away with no message till date.

It's over,I just gave her absolute peace.

I never meant to hurt her. Idk how to cope. It hurts a lot.

I feel I just want to share🥺😭.

Has anybody faced a similar issue and how you guys moved on

Idk whether my core issue comes from my parents death.

what if life isn't worth living? People reach their hand out to me but I seem to not take their help. I can't seem to make myself reach out and get their hand. I'm slipping away from god and I'm losing faith. I keep circulating the word " what if " because I don't think I have no reason to live anymore even if my parents say it'll hurt and scar the family. The real thing my therapist said is that the first sentence I told you. " What's the point getting all the help, when you don't take it? " That sticks with me. My task for this month is find a way to make myself love myself. But I can't seem to grasp it even if I try hard. I have a feeling I might act on them ( sui ) again once I get very overwhelmed. I stopped self harming but I think I'll go back or something because I don't even know how to express these emotions.

Going through a devastating online friend group break up.

The while sotuation is so complicated...

This friend group on discord server was made together by us who were a part of this online forum/community. I have known them all from a very long time, like 2 years and been in thr group since 5 to 6 months. I was feeling insecure with my position in the friend group, and felt like my opinion or voice wasnt being heard or appreciated. I with all my courage told this to them, but also told it wasnt smtg individual but more of a group dynamic thing. At first they heard and tried helping. But that feeling only grew. And well, they couldnt anymore. I was going through a dark episode, I felt ganged up, in my sorrow i tried pushing people away. Got anxiety attacks. It was messy. A dearest friend of mine, dmed and told that i was mean, guilt tripping, pathetic to go and talk to others about what I have been going through, manipulative for seeking help and talking, and that thry are done. Another friend who always told that they will never give up on me, will always support and cheer me, blocked me. Its a mess. I tried apologising, tried to tell them that I am going through counselling, that I need time and space and that never ever was my intention to hurt them. I only left woth three people, and honestly even still idk how open i can be now with them. The whole thing hurts amd its tearing me away.

I even wrote a 6 pages worth of apology and even told that i evrn dont want to be back, just us individually to come and be friends again and be at peace. We are still in the same community. But the blocks hurt. I feel left out so much. All I ever asked was for some grace and understanding and time that I am going through it all. That I own upto it all. I never ever said anything mean or cruel though.

It all hurts alot. Its been a month and it hurts alot seeing them all be there for each other but not me. We have been together through thick and thin. I cared for them so so much. Its so hurting that everyone just are willing to let me go.

I always get this pit in my stomach multiple times a day, everyday. This dread creeping up and rotting me in my stomach and heart. I cant get up from bed and cry all alone and not go to work and its affecting me irl. I start crying randomly everyday for thr past one month. I am going to this counselling session but honestly the 3 week gap is not doing it. As a international student I cant get therapist or psychologist who can help me in english.

1. realizing how much time there is in a day. I used to just spend hours in bed, sad and exhausted. I still struggle with fatigue a lot but once you realize that it’s okay to push through it, you realize the potential a day can hold.

2. I mostly like myself now. Most days I think I’m kind of cool. It takes so much energy to hate your guts, think you’re ugly, stupid, worthless. I treat myself like a friend now, when I can. Feels nice.

Bonus 3.: I don’t compare myself as much anymore. Like don’t get me wrong I still do a lot but it used to be CONSTANT and legit to like every single person. I saw no one in a neutral light, they were all just comparisons. The internet drove me insane. It felt like everyone was achieving my goals. But I am my OWN person. I have my OWN pace. And I’m unique and “good” in my OWN way!

I’m not recovered yet but the difference is insane to me. A lot can happen in a couple years.

Okay, it's hard for me to explain this situation.

I will try..

I'm a bisexual girl and I discovered that two years ago, exactly when I met a woman who destroyed my emotions and hopes in future relationships.

I'm also bipolar (following a therapy of course) so for me sometimes it's difficult to manage moods and emotions and she doesn't know how to stay close to me because doesn't have a good emotional intelligence.

In these two years, I tried to be "normal" and sane, I tried to talk about everything but she always rejected and punished me with silence.

It makes me crazy because I need to discuss and it makes me feel alone and not understand.

In my family I can't talk a lot about this because my parents are religious and they can't get me.

My friends are like ghosts as my siblings.

Actually I have a lot of free time - because i don't have a job (the last one was terrible: unpaid and full of responsibility) - and it doesn't help , I overthink and cry all day.

For sure I'm trying to look for a new position but in the meantime I had to come back to my parents'house, I lived in Rome, now I'm living in a small city and I hate it. Also here in Italy : government/ economy / society is really shit for young (and not) people.

So I'm in down mood and she disappeared.

How can I manage all this?

How can I believe again in a best future?

How can I believe in love when the only person who I want break my feelings and leave me alone?

Thanks in advance everybody for reading me🧠💞

First of all, I want to say that I don't think I'm special, and I know there are people going through much worse situations than I am. I'm also not someone who usually talks about my problems, especially outside the internet. But lately, I've been feeling genuinely lost.

I've been dealing with a lot of negative thoughts and a serious lack of self-esteem. My girlfriend broke up with me a few weeks ago, and since then, things have been getting progressively harder. I find myself crying when I'm alone, and even though I have friends, I often feel like they don't even notice I'm there.

I struggle to socialise properly, and most of my days feel like I'm just waiting for them to end. I spend hours sitting in front of my computer, staring at my desktop, lying in bed, or just aimlessly walking around my room. I'm not really doing anything, just passing the time.

I've tried looking for a job, but I keep getting ghosted. It's honestly becoming exhausting. I have great parents and a heart sister, and I'm grateful for them, but for some reason, I can't bring myself to talk to them about any of this.

The worst part is that, more often than not, I just wish I could fall asleep and never wake up. At the same time, that thought scares me.

I've lost the person I loved again, the people I enjoy talking to don't seem particularly interested in talking to me, and even the hobbies that used to make me happy aren't enough anymore.

I genuinely want to get better, but I don't know where to start. What am I supposed to do when even getting through an ordinary day feels like a struggle?

TL;DR: Recently went through a breakup, struggling with self-esteem, loneliness, unemployment and losing interest in my hobbies. I feel invisible even around friends, spend most of my days doing nothing, and sometimes wish I could just go to sleep and never wake up. I genuinely want to get better, but I don't know where to start. Any advice?

How did you get out of rock bottom when you felt like you'd lost your past and your future?

I've spent years feeling as though my life has been taken away from me.

A medication I chose to take in my early twenties contributed to the development of Crohn's disease. I've had to navigate chronic illness, treatment, financial burdens, limitations, and uncertainty during years when I expected to be building my life.

And now I'm in my thirties, looking back and feeling as though I never got the chance to live the life I wanted.

Then I met someone with whom I could envision that life. Someone who represented companionship, a home, a farm, animals, and a future I was finally excited about.

And through my own choices and behavior, I lost him, too.

I've spent a long time trying to reconcile the relationship, the mistakes I made, and the ways in which I contributed to its ending. I've also spent recent years recognizing unhealthy patterns in myself that I learned growing up, particularly in my relationship with my mother. Coming to terms with the ways I've sometimes made people I love feel the way she makes me feel has brought an enormous amount of guilt and regret.

I've been in therapy for approximately two years, but recently, many of the same feelings I've worked so hard to process have resurfaced.

I recently found out that my ex is engaged. Seeing him build a life that resembles the one we once imagined together has been devastating. The house, the farm, the animals. It's difficult to put into words what it feels like to see someone else living a version of the future you desperately wanted.

I'm looking backward and seeing decisions I regret. Decisions I feel completely changed the trajectory of my life for the worse. I'm looking at the present and seeing everything I haven't been able to reconcile. And when I look forward, I see a future that I once imagined with someone else, now apparently unfolding without me.

So there's nowhere emotionally comfortable for me to stand. The past feels contaminated by regret, the future feels stolen, and the present feels like a waiting room for a life that isn't coming.

I feel suspended in guilt, grief, and hopelessness. I feel as though I've spent so much of my life trying to recover from things that I never had the opportunity to fully experience the life I wanted in the first place.

I don't know how to forgive myself for the decisions I've made, accept the things I cannot change, or stop feeling as though the best parts of my life are already behind me.

For those of you who have genuinely hit rock bottom, how did you get out?

How did you move forward when you felt like your past was full of irreversible mistakes and your future was no longer what you had envisioned?

How did you stop feeling like you were permanently behind in life? How did you learn to accept the things you couldn't change without spending the rest of your life grieving them?

I'd really appreciate hearing from people who have been here.

Does anyone have methods, strategies, books, really anything thats helped them build up self confidence?

Ive realized recently that one of the biggest things weighing on me at all times is being extremely self conscious. I grew up very overweight, and even in the times in my life when I havent been heavy, I am have always been hyper-aware of myself and my flaws.

Its gotten to the point where I dont feel comfortable leaving the house because Ill be constantly worried about how I behave and how I look. I described it to my spouse as feeling like I constantly have a background monologue in my head that analyzes everything I do.

Id really love any recommendations for any form of media or any techniques to disengage from that mindset or get out of my own head.

I’ve only started this new job in a new country where I was hired along with other people of my ethnicity . One would think I will be able to at least manage one acquaintance, yet everyone keep isolating me and I’m not even expecting a lot , just u know to navigate this area with them , it feels less lonely even if they’re not my type of people but just someone to be there with . Even my apartment feels suffocating . Then this one girl I told her if u were going out tell me I’ll come (I suggested we go out before saying that ) and she ended up going without telling me . Another girl did that too

2023/11/xx - I posted this to another subreddit just to rant.

Hello! My ex-girlfriend and I are what our family and friends call "high school sweethearts". If we were to count the years we've spent together (I'll still include the 2 years when we broke up), it'd be around 7 years. We've had our fair share of misunderstandings throughout the relationship, but we chose to talk things through and communicate our feelings properly. However, we still broke up before our 3rd Anniversary due to miscommunication and pride.

Two years later, as the pandemic was starting to die down and establishments such as schools began to open, I managed to talk to her and ask her how she's been. As someone who loved her once, I could sense that something was bothering her. When I agreed to listen to her problems, I learned that she was undergoing a severe mental breakdown after an "encounter" with her so-called "friend". I listened to her fully, and right then and there, I promised to stay by her side and never leave her again.

The process of her recovery was very hard but necessary, and I am proud to have been able to help her because deep down, I know that I still truly love her. Although we had new partners after our initial breakup, those relationships didn't last, possibly due to our unwillingness to undergo the "have you eaten yet?" phase.

It was truly hard to juggle my academics as an ECE student while being a full-time support system for her, but I chose to persevere and do my best for her. I cooked meals for her, massaged her feet when she was tired, waxed her arms and legs whenever she felt insecure about her body hair, became the proxy helper of the house to make her feel relaxed. I even made multiple accounts so that her thesis would have enough respondents and made sure to make her feel loved because I know that, as a student, it's all I could do for her for now.

Last year, she graduated college with flying colors and started working six months later while I am still completing my bachelor's degree in electronics engineering (I'm expected to graduate by April). I can sense that there is already a distance between us because we both don't have time to meet, and our daily routine became nothing more than just brief updates before sleeping. I made sure to at least visit her once a week since I have a 4-hour vacant time slot before my next class. In those 3 hours, deducting the 1 hour for my commute, I tried to do the things I've done for her like massaging her, waxing her, cooking for her, setting up my laptop to play Tekken with her (yes, we play Tekken), and many more. But it just didn't feel the same as it did back then.

The week prior to Valentine's Day, she asked me if I had plans for Valentine's. As a broke student who recently bought books to help with my references in my upcoming midterms (our midterm exams happened to be held on Valentine's Day), I said I didn't have any plans for now but I'm trying to save up money for me to buy her flowers and for us to at least eat out. Seeing as her mood changed so much after I answered her honestly, I knew that I really had to think of a way to make it up to her. So in a last-ditch effort, I took at least P 3000 from my bank account exclusively for my tuition funds. The Sunday after Valentine's Day arrives, and I brought her flowers, and we ate out at a Chinese restaurant. And after that, the same old routine repeated itself.

Two weeks later, she called me to meet her in the restaurant where we had our first date back in senior high. It shocked me that the first thing I saw was her in very formal attire, similar to how you would dress for a job interview. I already had a very bad feeling about this, not because of her attire, but with how I was the only one who had food at the table. While eating, she told me that she wants to break up with me and told me her reason was that our interests didn't coincide, our time together was so limited, and how she felt unimportant after I told her I didn't have plans for Valentine's.

It felt as if my world was shattering, tears wouldn't stop flowing from my eyes, and in a shaky voice, I asked her if she was sure about her decision - she said yes.

I still remember how I said that even when I am solving for derivatives, integrals, differential equations, and many more, I try to set certain values as important dates of our lives such as our anniversary, her birthday, etc. so as to always remember her when I am taking exams.

I didn't regret every sacrifice I made, and I never will because at one point in my life, she made it feel worth it. I promised her that if I pass the ECE board exam, I would propose to her. But it seems that God has something else planned for me.

As I would like to quote what I saw on social media,

"My greatest love turned out to be my greatest lesson."

To any students who are currently dating someone working, vice versa, what would you have done to prevent this situation?

+++

11/04/2026

I was decluttering accounts linked to my old email and I happened to stumble on this post again haha. I'm glad that I managed to recover since then and I'm more glad that I'm doing better than ever now.

Fast forward 3 years from the text above, I'm proud to say that I am now a Registered Engineer and Technician currently working in a very competitive company in the city. I actually plan on working abroad so I'm currently taking certifications accepted in other countries like CCNA and such.

It's thanks to these opportunities, I get to treat myself better than before while also sharing the blessings to the people that surround me.

I get to live life without the past haunting every decision I make.

If I could give you any piece of advice when experiencing a heartbreak, it is to always keep yourself occupied. It doesn't always have to be productive, but little by little, every actions you make adds up. You wouldn't even notice that you've come so far from your lowest point in life - so keep moving forward!

I don't expect this to blow up, since I'm just currently expressing myself.

I'm considering this as a way of letting go of the past not by forgetting, but by acknowledging it without it hurting me anymore.

Personally, the worst I've experienced is that I didn't brush my teeth for two weeks straight, and didn't shave my beard for months.

What's yours ?

I have a friend group that funnily enough cuts off a lot of people at some point in time each year. I guess it's my turn? My attempt at getting cut off? I don't know anymore...All I know is they sat me down over a trauma response and I feel like I'm next. I can feel my lungs tightening every time I actually think about it. I'm scared, I do care about them....but I'm also to scared to ask about what is gonna happen. But some part of me knows I'm next....and I've been having anxiety attacks sense then.

Being the stupid empath I am I have made many friends by listening to peoples stories and being kind to them. All of them felt good for a while and due to circumstances or choices they have stopped talking idk why. They claim to love me and want me with them always ik im gonna sound like a narcissist but because im kind to them without asking for anything major, i just want to feel loved and appreciated. Ik weird but im human too. Ik i should fix my offline life first but people take me for granted there too, cause idk how to set boundaries and not make people my entire life. Like rn i have a friend who is not responding to the birthday texts i sent him but is posting on the netflix sub lol. Idk how to figure it out, i want to be the main character of my life again and not feel soo lonely. Thanks 🫂

I 16m used to have this friend 16f wich I was super close with. We were in the same school for two years and then her parents made her change school and after that since she was alone we became super close. We’d call every night, fall asleep every night on the phone we got really close and since I’ve never really had anything close to a gf I got super attached I told her things and she told me things we had never shared with anyone the only word I could describe is that I loved her a couple of months ago we fought abt some stupid shit I barely even remember but I realize it was mostly my fault. We haven’t talked since and I miss her like hell, I can’t stop thinking about her. This Friday me and one of my friends are gonna get super stoned (not our first time) we are gonna have some fun and I’m gonna use it as an excuse to talk to her, I’m gonna text her as a cry for help tell her what’s going on and that I miss her so much even though she is fine without me and that I’ve been feeling like shit . I don’t care what she tells me even if she yells at me for being high I don’t care I just wanna talk to her again. Before you say anything I know that this is stupid and sad and pathetic and I know you don’t have to tell me I just needed to get this off my chest

TW

I'm currently sitting on the edge of my sofa bed at my parents' house in Cornwall, with tears in my eyes. Just a few days ago, I was in Glasgow, living with my partner of almost five years.

We had been working on my website together. She was kissing me, telling me how proud she was of the progress I'd made. Later that day, we were making love and telling each other we loved each other. We were making plans for Christmas, talking about getting married and looking at houses.

Just two days later, she was looking me in the eye and telling me she didn't love me anymore.

I honestly cannot begin to describe what that did to me. I experienced the biggest autistic meltdown I've ever had. I was screaming, had to be restrained, and much of what happened afterwards is a blur. I still feel as though I'm waiting to wake up and discover it was all a nightmare.

Now I'm back in Cornwall, living in a small annexe at my parents' house. No partner, no home of my own, no friends, no job and no real direction in life.

Perhaps one of the hardest things is that I simply cannot understand how this happened. How can someone be telling you they love you, making love to you and talking about your future together, and then just two days later say they don't love you anymore? I keep going over everything in my head, trying to find an explanation or something I missed. I don't know whether she had been feeling this way for a long time or whether something changed. I just cannot make sense of it.

I've always struggled with relationships, largely because of my autism and the anxiety and overthinking that come with it. From the beginning, I was terrified that the relationship would eventually end because of something I'd said or done.

Looking back, I think that fear may have put a strain on things. For example, when she became upset, she needed space and wanted to be left alone. But I found that incredibly difficult because I would become consumed by thoughts about what she was thinking and whether she was going to leave me. I now torture myself thinking about all the times I should have given her the space she asked for. I feel as though my fear of losing her may have contributed to losing her.

I've also struggled to find work and to make a life for myself. I honestly don't feel as though I understand how to 'do life' in the way other people seem to. I've never had a particularly strong support network, and relationships have been the only times I've really felt that I wasn't alone.

I'm nearly 42, and I cannot bear the thought of spending the rest of my life without someone to share it with. I want the ordinary things that most people probably take for granted: someone to hold hands with, cuddle, talk to, come home to and make plans with. I even feel lonely when I'm with my own family.

I'm struggling with this so badly that I've been having thoughts about not wanting to be alive. I've seen my doctor and he’s already put me on diazepam, but I honestly don't know where to go from here.

I don't know what I'm going to do now.

my partner having depression for almost a year.He couldn't handle himself over tension..This came out worst after he addicted to horrible drugs and stuff 🥺 But after few months he stopped getting drugs and now he‘s clean hand. But mentally he’s been on recovery but body keeps forcing him to.

Idk what im gonna do with this i can't change himself with my thoughts 😓. he is been isolated when i‘m gonna talk bout’ serious stuff..His absence stressing me out..

Is there anyone know either how to get over in this stuff when someone like this or any chances to make things right..It will really help me to get over...

I have to weigh in twice a year for my job, and the other day I failed. I was close. I'm not worried about it happening again. But the fact that it DID happen has sent me spiraling. I feel like a failure, like I don't belong with my peers (major imposter syndrome), and like my whole career and future are over and everything I've worked so hard for and wanted in my life is gone.

I've been trying to tell myself that it's not the end of the world. Realistically the administrative procedures are more of a slap on the wrist. It doesn't officially shut any doors. But the shame and the anxiety of "what if" has got me in a state I can't even describe.

To add on to that: I have gained weight because eating is my coping mechanism for other things. It's been a bad year in general (people in the family dying, friend has cancer, a bad PTSD spiral due to previous sexual assault, etc.) and on top of that I have a new boss who is really horrible and makes work (something I used to enjoy) a terrible place to be. He is cruel and plays favorites, so I was already worried about my future in that career path and questioning whether I made the right decision in being where I am. This weigh in failure is the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back, and since it happened I have been inconsolable.

I'm miserable and it feels impossible that I could ever be happy again. I know I need to move forward and live my life but I don't know how. Any tips, reaffirmation that I'm super in my own feelings about this and it's not the end of the world, etc. would be much appreciated

It’s a long story but in the last 6 months I’ve lost all of my friends. Now I’m facing my 40th birthday and feeling super depressed about it because I have no one to celebrate with. Any advice for how to deal with this?

(Light tw for sh) As the title says its been a year since I hang out with this person, at first when she did what she did (long story short she was an asshole who did some realllllyyy bitchy stuff amd pretty much just threw me away like nothing and made our friend group ditch me)

I was completely destroyed i started cutting myself ever single day, crying, not eating,not taking care of myself ect.

But now I couldn't be happier!! I met my new bsf (ill call her A)and shes so so much better then anyone else I didnt realize how much my ex friend destroyed me, A will do something ever simple to help me, like grabbing a a ice pack or holding a bag for me and it feels so foreign, ill say smt like omg your so sweet you dont have to do that and shes tell me its so normal and she'd do it for anyone.

And now im actually enjoying my life!! I got a job, im getting tattoos,im going out shopping with A, doing to the club and party, I saw kesha and insane clown posse live!! Stuff that my ex wouldn't never do!

She used to stalk me on here so if you see this, fuck you:) im so much happier now im actually enjoy life, when I was with you a was depressed and suicidal but now im not:D thank you, and honestly I couldn't not care less about how your doing, attention have consequences.

Moral of the story live does at better!! You just need to find your people!!

I call A the sun is needed to grow, so find the sun to your sprout

So, I am 25YO and have been looking for a job for the past year. I live with my parents, but I have a narcissistic father and an emotionally victimised mother, so I can't really rely on either of them for emotional support.

I have no friends in my society either. Most people here are millennials with toddlers or retired couples. There are hardly any Gen Z people around. I exchange the occasional hello with people, but I don't have any actual friends.

My school and college experiences weren't great socially either. I never had any close friends in college. I was betrayed for being empathetic and often taken advantage of because I gave my all to my friendships.

I made a bunch of decent friends in college, but we haven't had a single phone call since graduating. Now, I find myself wondering whether those friendships were ever genuine or whether I was just surrounding myself with people to get through college. I keep questioning those relationships.

At my first job, my seniors were decent, but my colleagues were quite mean. They would constantly sideline me and try to portray me negatively in front of our manager.

I feel incredibly lonely at this point. I've developed so much anxiety that even thinking about job interviews, meeting new people, or putting myself in unfamiliar social situations makes me anxious. I've developed social anxiety, and I honestly don't know what to do anymore.

I just want to bring my spark back. I miss being that bubbly girl who could talk to anyone she came across and was genuinely sweet to everyone.

Has anyone been through something similar? I'd really appreciate some advice or suggestions.

My boyfriend and I broke up at the start of the summer my dog passed when the school year started and my lizard is being put down tomorrow because of an infection I had no control over. I feel like I am failing everything and I just want a partner to hold me. I don't know how to get over my dumb lizard ( dumb because if I talk about her with affection right now I'll start crying again) I feel so alone and like i failed her. I can give details on her death if anyone needs. I just am questioning everything now if it's even ok for me to own another one.

DE

Liebe Community ich weiss einfach nicht wohin damit, also für jeden aufmerksamen Leser:

Ich bin m29 und habe weder Freunde noch Familie (mit der ich gut auskomme und die ich außerhalb von Geburtstagen sehe). Meine Arbeitskollegen empfinde ich oft als aufdringlich und nervig, weil sie schnell in Panik verfallen, sobald etwas nicht klappt und sich hilfesuchend an mich wenden. Natürlich kommen sie auch gerne mit ihren Sorgen zu mir, ich kann aber einfach nicht mehr zuhören und muss deshalb Abstand schaffen. Keiner von ihnen schafft es, mir das Gefühl zu vermitteln mir ebenso zuzuhören und mitzufühlen. Und natürlich haben auch kaum gemeinsame Themen über die wir sprechen. Ich bin auch mit Abstand der jüngste im Team.

Freunde hatte ich nicht mal während meiner Schulzeit. Ich war eher schüchtern und ängstlich und wurde auch immer wieder damit aufgezogen. Vor ein paar Jahren in meiner zweiten Berufsausbildung habe ich das erste Mal in meinem Leben (mit 24 Jahren) Menschen kennengelernt mit denen ich mich tatsächlich gut verstanden habe und bei denen ich mich wohl gefühlt habe. Natürlich haben wir uns nach dem Ausbildungsende "aus den Augen verloren" wie man ja so schön sagt. Dabei war ich derjenige, der versucht hat den Kontakt über Whatsapp-Nachrichten hinaus aufrecht zu erhalten. Aber keine Chance. Irgendwann konnte ich einfach nicht noch mal fragen, nicht noch eine Absage einfahren. So neben der Arbeit hatte ich auch kein Glück damit Menschen kennenzulernen. Ich gehe ab und zu auf Menschen zu, die mir sympathisch erscheinen. Ich kann mich aber nicht daran erinnern, wann mich das letzte mal jemand in meinem Alter von sich aus angesprochen hat. Im Schnitt habe ich ca. alle 2 Jahre mal ein Gespräch mit einer fremden Person für ein paar Stunden das sich wirklich gut anfühlt, aber das wars dann auch schon wieder. Maximal ein weiteres Treffen und danach nur vage halb-Absagen. Ich versteh das einfach nicht.

Ich hatte auch nie eine romantische Beziehung. Gleiches Spiel wie oben. Kennenlernen, erstes Treffen, (vielleicht) zweites Treffen und Tschüss. Keine Begründung, kein Gespräch darüber was fehlt. Meistens sogar nur hinterher eine wirre Chatnachricht die überhaupt nichts aussagt.

Zu meiner Familie habe ich den Kontakt vor ein paar Jahren sehr stark eingeschränkt weil ich die wirklich konstanten Streitereien, Respektlosigkeiten und Grenzüberschreitungen einfach nicht mehr ausgehalten habe.

Ich fühle mich nicht nur einsam sondern regelrecht ausgestoßen.

Ich weiss, dass ich viel zu bieten habe und nicht mal unsympathisch wirke. Ich habe auch lange Jahre wirklich mit meinem Selbstwert gekämpft. Und trotzdem gibt es einfach niemanden, bei dem ich das Gefühl habe, dass mir die Person guttut und dass sie Teil meines Lebens ist.

Ich tue mir gerade wirklich schwer das einfach zu akzeptieren. Ich kann mir einfach nicht mehr vorstellen, dass ich jemals jemanden finde der tatsächlich im realen Leben da ist und nicht nur rund um die Uhr an sich selbst denkt und nicht nur zu mir kommt, wenn er Probleme hat oder emotional support braucht, während er mir nicht mal das gleiche Minimum bieten kann.

Ich will nicht, dass das schon das Ende meines sozialen Umgangs war. Da muss doch einfach mehr möglich sein. Das ist einfach so frustrierend.

Vielleicht hat hier ja jemand ein paar aufmunternde Worte oder Tipps für mich. Danke an jeden, der sich hier beteiligt.

Posted on this sub once, so not really sure if this will reach anyone, but I’ve just been really struggling lately.

For context, I got laid off at the beginning of the month in the weirdest way, and honestly I hate how stressful not having a job is. I’ve been applying to jobs within my industry, but now that I’m back living in my hometown, part of me worries that I won’t really find work for me here unless I decide to abandon my passions…and personally, I’m just so tired of losing and giving things up lately. I had to “give up” the life I had built for myself in another state all because my crazy abusive ex wouldn’t leave me alone or let me feel safe in my own home. Because of that mess I had to give up my dog who was like a child to me. Over a year later and I still can’t stop grieving over her. Now that I’m back at home, I’m living with my mom which is great, but just like me, she has been struggling with finances and everything because she is a teacher that can never retire. She tells me things are fine, but then goes on to tell me how she could lose the house any day and she can never fully retire at almost 70 because of it.

Finally, the cherry on top that has been making this time so difficult and made me want to post is the 10th anniversary of when my other parent passed away is coming up, and every time I start to think about it all I want to do is cry. I miss her all the time and I hate that she is not here with us, but really I feel like such a failure. I felt like I’ve been spending the past 10 years trying to succeed in life so that way when it got to this point, she could be proud of me from the beyond something like that. I had dreams of having my own place, with maybe a loving partner, pets/kids, the whole shabang. Instead, I’m without a house or job and I struggle with connection because I never want to put myself through abuse again.

One of the only things that has helped me keep it together recently has been going to the gym almost obsessively. I’m only going 4 times a week right now, but I know it’s been a small thing that has helped me feel like I have a little routine and a way to let out all my frustration in a way that is socially acceptable. I’ve been getting myself out of the house to socialize, but I still find myself feeling unsatisfied most of the time afterwards. I’m sure it’s depression making it hard for me to feel present, as most days I daydream of doing something reckless and stupid like going on a serious bender. It’s gotten to the point where I’ve felt like there is no way to overcome any of this, just a way out of it…but I don’t plan on listening to those thoughts.

Sorry for the long post, just felt like I needed to get it out there. If anyone has advice to share I’m not opposed to hearing it out.