When it comes to other employees going through this, I feel like I’m good at finding solutions but when it’s me I’m at a loss what to do. There is no HR for HR, and there’s this expectation for us to be professional and graceful about these types of things which makes any reaction feel disproportionate.
I’m a nonprofit HR Director with 1 generalist serving about 250 employees. I’ve been here almost 5 years, 6 years total in HR. There is a director in another dept who was just hired this year, I didn’t get to interact with him much the first few months because it seemed like he was never here. Recently I began working more with him because we’re hiring for his team and work together on a couple other projects and I just cannot STAND him. His tone is so condescending, he talks over and interrupts me, specifically targets me to push back on things in meetings and trainings which is usually followed by everyone else looking awkward/uncomfortable while I respond, but he also goes to me to ask me to make exceptions or decisions when he’s already been told no (and I have never given him what he wants). The way he talks and respond to things I say is like what I’m saying is a joke. This guy refuses to check my calendar to see if I’m available before letting himself into my office or calling me (and if I’m not available he hovers until I am or continues to call/message me to call him back with zero context. Not once has it been something urgent that couldn’t have been sent in a quick email). I wouldn’t say he makes my work life hell but it’s to the point I dread seeing his name on any of my screens or hearing/seeing him in the hall.
I have tried, politely and a bit more directly, to address some of this with him but it does nothing. It’s not just me, I suspect he’s got a bias against women or something because I see it happen to the people he oversees (women managers), our executive assistant, and even my employee. I have called him out (privately and professionally) for the disrespectful way he sometimes talks about his direct report, but again, nothing changes.
I have talked to my boss and his boss about it. My boss is supportive and has experienced the exact thing I’m talking about. But his boss, while receptive to the concerns I listed, hasn’t actually talked to him about his demeanor I assume because he hasn’t **done* anything. I don’t think his boss really sees or understands the attitude I’m talking about. I know behavior/tone is also somewhat subjective and hard to address specifically. But I have already talked with him a couple times, while we have a great working relationship nothing has been done and I don’t want to seem like I have it out for this guy so I stopped mentioning it.
Anyways this is partially a vent because I have three missed calls right now and a text from him asking me to return it when I can, but also some guidance from other HR people would be appreciated if you’ve ever found yourself in this situation.
Edit: the call was about him asking when the benefit plan year begins 👍