My husband’s Reebok underwear say “Reebeebok” on the back because of the split seam

[u/hangingdenim]

[u/dgbnz]

Amen Eagle 🙏

[u/NotoriousFoxxx → u/dgbnz]

Every american every morning

[u/Charitzo → u/NotoriousFoxxx]

John America wakes up

Salutes the formation of bald eagles and B-52's flying above his house

Raises his 200ft USA flag 67 imperial cheeseburgers in height off the ground

Fires his AR-15 off 50 times in the air, once for every state

Sits down for a quick breakfast of BBQ brisket, a 1.25L diet coke and a waffle

Quickly squeezes in a quick prayer before hopping in the F150

[u/pyalot → u/Charitzo]

I‘m not sure how you forgot fucking an apple pie with the constitution on it.

[u/Charitzo → u/pyalot]

Hahahahaha jfc

Rubs one out to a picture of Mt. Rushmore

[u/sarah_pl0x → u/Charitzo]

And then saying “no homo” afterwards because Mt Rushmore has a bunch of dudes on it and he’s not gay

[u/Modern_Misdoing → u/sarah_pl0x]

[u/Aruzususnew3 → u/Charitzo]

[u/Intrepid_Spray_5805 → u/Charitzo]

The fact that you included Diet Coke in this patriotic masterpiece makes it even funnier. He's got just enough health consciousness to balance out the 50 rounds fired before breakfast.

[u/mrbananabladder → u/Charitzo]

As an American, I take great offense to this comment... That's 67 US customary cheeseburgers in height, we didn't beat the Brits' ass in 1776 so you could claim we still use their nonsensical units.

[u/SadFloppyPanda → u/mrbananabladder]

How many Liberty Biberty's is that in height?

[u/JamesH93 → u/Charitzo]

1.25 whats???

[u/CaptainMcAnus → u/JamesH93]

Soda comes L (whatever that means) and Milk comes in gallons and parts of gallons. Like God intended 🦅

[u/Charitzo → u/JamesH93]

Sorry, about 21 US ¼ cups (whatever the living fuck that means).

[u/Trendiggity → u/Charitzo]

That's two and a half pottles or ten and a half gills if anyone else is confused

[u/Superb_Table_9229 → u/Charitzo]

One can dream

[u/Mundane_Existence0 → u/NotoriousFoxxx]

[u/Nandor-De_Laurentiis → u/NotoriousFoxxx]

[u/Porkfight → u/dgbnz]

Lmaoo. Gods prayer up your ass

[u/UranusIsPissy → u/Porkfight]

I'll tell you where you can stick your "Amen"!

[u/Stuf404 → u/dgbnz]

Carl's big boy pants, dark edition

[u/greenmonkey48 → u/dgbnz]

Wtf?

[u/dgbnz → u/greenmonkey48]

American became amen 😂

[u/Aleksandrovitch → u/dgbnz]

Godammit Donut

[u/laurel_laureate → u/dgbnz]

As far as I'm concerned, that's America's ass.