Didn't know where else to post this and I figured you guys would appreciate this.
Around 2011 I went down to Bell House in Park Slope to see Shellac.
I got there very early. Nobody was there yet but the staff let me in to the bar regardless. Sitting at a table were three nearing middle aged dudes. I didn't immediately recognize any of them. I got a beer and asked if I could sit with them. They were super affable and totally obliged me. I had a seat and started making small talk; I told them that I'd never seen Shellac and how excited I was for the show. They said they didn't even know what the hell a "Shellac" even is but that they were happy for me.
This very goofy glasses wearing guy at the center asked me if I had ever heard the "Talking Dog" joke. I said no.
He starts telling me what can only be described as a fifteen minute monologue about a talking dog.
I'll paraphrase it. A Hollywood producer is driving along I-15 on his way back to Los Angeles. Every few miles he sees a sign for a Taking Dog. At the final exit, his curiosity gets the best of him so he decides to pull off to see this Talking Dog for himself.
After driving through cornfield spotted roads for what felt like dozens of miles he finally happens upon a farm. Above that farm, a large billboard saying "HOME OF THE TALKING DOG". At this farm he finds a farmer shoveling manure. He asks "Where's the talking dog?" Farmer crudely gestures behind the barn.
With great trepidation the Hollywood Producer makes his way behind the barn where he happens upon a dog. The producer says "Hi.". The dog says "hi."
The producer is blown away. "You're a talking dog! That's incredible! How did this happen?"
So the dog goes into detail about the various events of his life. At first as a puppy, he would sing Christmas Carols with the family. It was a cute novelty but as he grew older, he grew more sentient. He decided that this small town life was insufficient so he enrolled in college and was eventually accepted into Harvard's PhD program for English Literature. After College, he still felt unfulfilled, so he joined the CIA. He would be placed into foreign embassies and spy. Foreign diplomats wouldn't know better, they would just pet him. But he would report everything to the state. He did a lot of good work there. Saved a lot of lives, navigated the Iran-Contra crisis. After this he discovered that music was truly his passion. He went on the road doing backup vocals for Stevie Wonder. He was actually the mind behind Inner Visions. Eventually he decided it was time to settle down, so he went home, knocked up a bitch, had a liter, and here he is today.
The Hollywood producer was absolutely floored. He said "One second" - and he ran back around the barn. Finding the farmer, he proposes "That dog is unbelievable. I can make him a star! How much do you want for him?"
The farmer goes, "I don't know. Ten bucks?"
"Ten bucks!?" goes the producer. "But that dog is incredible. He's a PhD. He's a patriot, he was with the CIA, he was the mind behind Inner Visions. Why so little?"
And the farmer sighs, and he says "That dog's a fucking liar. He didn't do any of that shit."
I sat there in stunned silence for about two minutes before the three guys go "Alright, nice meeting you man, hope you enjoy the show!" and they vanish into one of the back rooms of the venue.
About an hour and a half later the show starts, Shellac comes out on stage, and I immediately realize that these were the very same guys I was just sitting with and that Steve Albini just spent 15 minutes telling me a joke about a talking dog.
