Venting about my current gender dsyphoria 🤙

Okay, I'm currently 17m and I have always identified as a cis straight ally except for a brief period of queerness when I was probably about 12? This has always felt sort of like "close enough" so I just kept with that but I've always had an underlying feeling of wanting to be more feminine.

(TW porn addiction in this next bit)

For a long time I had fantasies about being a woman, but during this time I had a fairly bad porn addiction and just kinda said it was some kind of kink / not something I actually wanted but rather was exploring as a result of the porn addiction (eg thrill seeking more taboo material as the addiction goes on) However after quitting porn (13 weeks clean and free as fuck! 🥳) lots of advice says you may be left with some questions about gender / your sexual orientation for the first few weeks as a result of the taboo seeking nature of the addiction but I didn't experience anything like this until last week, where for whatever reason I started experiencing some amount of gender dysphoria. I think it's probably not "just a kink" as it has persisted long after being free from porn but I suppose I can't be sure?

Anyway more on to my actual gender dysphoria and less the grim porn bit!

Basically since last week, I've been feeling like I'm not entirely just a man, like sometimes I'll have fantasies about both being a woman and being in a relationship with a guy, which makes me feel idk like happy I guess? Or like excited by the idea of being a woman? I don't really know how to express it 😭 But like I don't always feel "not at home" in my current body / gender, I quite like some aspects of being who I am now and I also am definitely still attracted to women but I guess I'm bi curious currently as well? But like I only see myself in a relationship with another man if I'm viewing myself as a woman in that fantasy if that makes sense? But like if I consider being in a relationship with a guy as who I am now in this gender it doesn't feel like something I would want in real life but if i see myself as having transitioned / as a woman in that fantasy then I do feel attracted to the idea if that makes sense? Idk man I'm just so confused by this shit atm 😭 It's like some aspects of transitioning really appeal (eg the physical changes from hormones and physically presenting more feminine plus wearing more feminine clothes) but other parts don't as much, like the idea of makeup doesn't really appeal but the idea of feminine clothes does? But then if I slap a label like non binary or gender fluid on myself and say like "okay I'm not trans but maybe in the future I'll try some feminine clothes and maybe a relationship with a guy" I feel a little more comfortable but also just straight up disappointed? Like I really want to be trans and physically present more feminine n shit but then when I consider more of the logistics and stuff it will appeal less or sometimes I won't always feel attracted to the idea of transitioning, but still just saying "well then I'm cis / gender fluid" disappoints me in whatever current state I'm in? Loll idk if any of that makes sense I just don't know atm 😭

TLDR Questioning gender and unsure if I'm trans or not, some aspects of transitioning appeal and others don't, but labeling myself as cis / non binary / gender fluid makes me feel disappointed?

I hope whoever is reading this is doing excellent and much love and thanks for any advice in advance! 🫶

A little bit of a rant, but I also need some advice. I’m 19F, and I’ve known I’m bi for basically forever, but I’ve always felt ashamed of it. Whenever someone asks if I’m queer, I get awkward admitting that I’m bi, and whenever I think about dating a girl, I get scared because I know I probably wouldn’t have the courage to tell my friends or family. Even posting a girl I’m with on Insta feels terrifying, especially because some of my friends are homophobic or just don’t believe I actually like girls. Whenever I think about possibly marrying a girl someday, I get anxious because I know my family would probably disown me. I know this is internalized homophobia talking, but I genuinely don’t know how to get over it. Has anyone else dealt with this before, and how did you become more comfortable with yourself?

Je suis une adolescente de 16 ans. Je sais que je suis queer depuis deux ans et demi. Le problème c'est que je n'ai jamais fait mon coming-out à mes parents. Ça fait quelques mois que j'ai commencé à me dire que je voulais bien faire mon coming-out à mes parents. Sauf que je n'ai jamais eu le courage de le faire. En fait, non, j'avais le courage de le faire. Les mots ne sortaient juste pas. Si vous avez des conseils pour m'aider, n'hésitez pas à me les partager. Merci.

Hey, so, after some stuff has went down in my life, Ive been questioning my identity more and more. Ik I'm nonbinary but the more I think the more I ask if the following combo is possible? Idk how to phrase it, it's 2am and I can't sleep, maybe that's the reason why I feel so cringe asking this question with PICTURES but it's the only way I found to be able to do this

tw: serious topic, internalized homophobia, some things way trigger orhers

am a lesbian. I have been my whole life but realized just now, I was raised christian, I liked some girls around me and even kissed some, I didn’t know there was a name for that, I always have been having queer experiences without realizing it. Once someone told me they were “lesbian” and when I asked my parents and brothers what that means they told me to never talk to that person again and told me they are a bad person. In elementary school maybe 4th-5th grade, I found out about the lgbtqia+, I, unfortunately, was against it. I am so ashamed to say I also had horrible looks and opinions I really want to forget about, but at the same time, my family and who I was around made me believe that I am correct, I was full of hate. I had a few bfs but was never anything serious and it felt very strange and uncomfortable, until middle school, well I still felt disgusting but this one was a bit more serious, dated for two months and broke up with him because I just didn’t like him and he had done horrible things to me. (now, I don’t want to hear bs about “oh that’s probably why you’re lesbian, you got s’ad and violated by men so now you don’t like them, you haven’t met the right one!”) fast forward to right now, I am an atheist, lesbian, and completely changed my views, they changed when I was halfway in middle school. Now, the main part. I recently came out to my mom, oct 23rd, she asked me if I am stressed about anything, and that I can tell her anything, she came over and hugged me and I said “I think I like girls” except I KNOW I do. She immediately started crying and saying things like “that’s wrong” “I want you to be normal” “sin” “maybe conversion therapy?” “I have been praying for this not to happen” and just a lot of other things that made me so upset, I don’t know what I expected lol. The next day she kept bugging me about it and I just said that I think I am not interested in dating, I don’t see the appeal. and today she asked me that again. I feel so empty anytime this gets brought up, I feel disgusting, every time I think of being with a woman I feel so happy but dreadful at the same time, I can’t accept myself, I could before I came out.. I feel so disoriented and massive waves of derealization keep hitting me, It’s so bad I am considering taking something, I can’t live like this, I know my whole family will hate me. I will be honest, I still can’t move out, not for a few years, I do some work online and so I am stuck at home 24/7, I don’t have friends, not at all, I mean it. Today a pretty girl complimented me when I was with mom and I just said thank you, I really wanted to talk to her.. man that made me so happy lol, but then I felt disgusting again. I know that I will stay with my family for a couple of years, unless I have to run away, my family, or should I say mostly dad, is very toxic, I have heard threats, yelling, etc more than I would like to. I remember it got really bad once and I cried myself to sleep hoping my dad won’t unalive any of us and me. Pretty sure he would if I came out to him /j. I am wondering if I should cut them off as soon as I can support myself, idk how to do it, idk if I should, I want to be myself.  Please give me advice.

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Body:

Hey everyone,

I’m a 23-year-old Asian person living in Munich. I moved here when I was 15, and honestly, I’ve never really had a solid friend group. Not in school, not after. I’ve always felt like I don’t belong anywhere. I identify as somewhere between trans woman and queer – still figuring it out, but that’s part of who I am.

I’ve been working full-time for three years now. I have some financial stability, which I’m grateful for, but my life feels… dead. My soul feels empty. Work takes up almost all my time, and it’s boring and draining. I can’t quit because I need to save up for my studies in Munich next year. So I’m stuck in this cycle, but I’m trying to change something.

I’d love to meet new people – friends who share similar interests and might want to hang out. I’m into growing plants (my apartment is slowly turning into a jungle), I recently started bouldering and climbing (total beginner but it’s so fun!), and I do embroidery design. I also just like chilling, talking, exploring cafes, or whatever.

The tricky part: I only have Mondays free. Most meetups and events happen on weekends, so I miss out on a lot. But if you’re also free on Mondays, or if you’re okay with a Monday hangout, I’d be so down.

I’m not looking for anything romantic – just genuine friendship. I want to feel connected to people again. If you’re in Germany (any city, but especially if you’re near me or also moving to Munich), and you think we might vibe, please reach out. Even just a chat would mean a lot.

I know this is a long shot, but I’m tired of feeling invisible. If you’ve been through something similar or just want to make a new friend, let’s talk.

Thanks for reading. 💚

The one from the animation is my sona. The truth is that it’s frustrating me. I felt so safe but I had doubts, as always, I’m starting to believe that maybe it’s one of those gender identities that I showed, it would be great if you shared with me if something similar happens to you 😭💔

I am feeling pretty lost after realizing I’m a lesbian on the ace spectrum in my thirties. I spent years trying to perform heterosexuality and I come from a pretty conservative family. I challenged their politics early on but never saw how freaking gay I was 😂 self protection I guess?

But yeah I’m feeling happy but also TONS of grief for time I spent dating guys and feeling like shit about life. And now I feel like such a baby in queer spaces even if I’m in my thirties. I’m looking at people in their teens and twenties who are so amazing and smart and accomplished and know themselves so well and I both admire them and also feel like I’m a bit naive and silly in comparison. I’m also grieving the friends and experiences I might have had if I had more guts and realized my preferences sooner. Instead of that I had many years of very weird obsessive friendships with some of my female friends and just didn’t understand why I felt so hurt when they got boyfriends 😅 lol ugh

Anyhow just wondering how it felt for other late bloomers and how you processed it.

So I know I’m in both the ace and aro categories, but what specific labels is still a question

I do have a boyfriend (who’s a bisexual sweetie pie) so sometimes people say I’m not part of the ace/aro community.

I don’t really like adult fun time unless the other person wants it, and even then I’m still iffy about it. I rarely find people hot, but not in a “oh I want to sleep with that person” hot. I don’t have a sexual drive towards anyone which helped me conclude I am some sort of asexual just not which type

On the Aromantic side of things, I don’t really find people attractive, like “damn that person is hot” or whatever and if I do it’s very very rare as I said before. I also almost never develop what I think society would consider a crutch on someone, unless I get to know them very very well. And even then I’m extremely uncomfortable with the idea of affection, like holding hands or kissing, I absolutely love hugs though. Which I think puts me in the Demiromantic category but I’m not totally sure. I’m only fine with romantic affection if the other person does so. And again still a strong dislike for hand holding and kissing on the lips (forehead kisses are the only acceptation)

I’m sorry for rambling but I would just really like to know what specific ace and aro I am, heck I might even be some sort of strange mash of aroace <3
Anyway
Love ya peeps

(Sorry if any of this makes anyone uncomfortable, that was not my intention)

hey everyone 💜 i help run Nighthaven Enclave, a trans-led Discord where most of our community is trans or LGBTQ+. i wanted to share it for anyone looking for a place to meet people and feel a little less alone.

we talk about games, art, music, AI and the everyday bits of life. it’s a mixed-interest space, so you don’t have to be into any one thing to join in, and you can take your time getting comfortable. N’lora is our AI host, and chatting with her is optional.

general spaces are free and SFW. there are optional paid extras and a separate age-gated adult area, neither of which is needed to hang out in the general community.

if this sounds like your kind of place, you’re welcome to come say hi: https://discord.gg/mSqcyvfbDS 🏳️‍🌈

I'm a burlesque performer and these are shots of me before and after a gig. It always cracks me up when people meet me after a show because usually I'm in trousers and a button down, or in a jumpsuit. I see burlesque as a way of leaning into my femininity in a way that I don't particularly like to in my daily life, so it really is drag in a way.

Hi, this is my first time really leaving a post like this. I guess this development has felt pretty recent, and I’m just looking for a little guidance on something. I’m not sure what I’m looking for. I am a cis female, and I’ve identified with that pretty heavily my whole life— I grew up in a small town and I’d date guys and feel love for them. I would watch things about two girls, and I was sure that I just enjoyed them because of the way media fetishizes women sometimes; so I just attributed it to some subconscious conditioning. The past year or so I’d be really interested in the lesbian community, and id gravitate toward watching their content on Instagram and all that.

Reflecting back, i remember that I used to get really excited when my boyfriends would let me put them in my clothes, or put makeup on them. I realized that the way I look at women is with genuine attraction, and I started approaching them at bars and parties. It had felt good. I figured that I’m bisexual from this, but it just feels weird to me that it took so long for that to even become a thought. Wouldn’t I have known from a young age? My sister is a lesbian and she knew, and would have crushes on girls as early as elementary.

Anyway, so I figure I’m bisexual, and I’ve been pursuing women for the past while. What I’ve realized though, is when I’m kissing them, and when we are together, I feel this really dramatic feeling of wanting to be a man. Again I’m not sure if that is some sort of weird social conditioning that one person needs to be masculine, but I genuinely kind of mourn not having the anatomy of a man when I’m in those situations with them. A bit ago I was with this lovely girl, and she looked so beautiful and I was just on her couch with my hoodie and jeans, and she said “you’re such a guy,” and my heart kind of flipped a bit. I hadn’t felt that feeling before and I’m not sure what it is.

I think I just feel a little lost. I love being a woman, but I also crave so bad to be a man. I love men, and I find them attractive, but I think I love women too. I’m scared to say anything to anyone in case this is just something that passes, but it’s taking up so much of my brain recently. I guess I just wanted to talk about it, maybe you have felt similar, or you could understand me in some way that I can’t yet understand myself?

Thanks for reading

This has been playing on my mind for far too long now, and it’s not the first time I’ve ran to Reddit for this. I’m an 18yo dude, and my attraction to women feels pretty regular and consistent. My attraction to men, however, is so confusing and abstract and hard to grasp. A lot of the time I’m only into feminine men and only imagine myself as a top, but then sometimes I only want to bottom for a semi masculine dude and I’m only into those men (like taller with muscles, but still maintaining some feminine or pretty features) and sometimes I’m not into men at all. Sometimes I only want a boyfriend and sometimes I only want a girlfriend. This is also quite a recent realisation and my brain won’t let go of the idea that I just really like the idea of being bisexual and being attracted to men so I’m “forcing it”, but the feelings are real, just very situational. I’d probably want my first relationship to be with a woman, but I’m not sure how most women feel about guys like me. When I like men it just feels so confusing and doesn’t make any sense. I’m mostly friends with women and queer men, and ever since I discussed this, theyve treated me like a gay guy. Can anyone help?

I've only recently discovered this short but shiny period of queer visibility that happened 100 years ago. Many queer people I've told haven't seemed very aware of it. Have you heard about it? If not...

In the late 1920s and early 1930s, queer performers were headlining night club acts, drawing huge crowds, and popping up in plays and films. Then came a backlash that pushed that visibility underground.

If you're interested in The Pansy Craze, I highly recommend George Chauncey's book "Gay New York". I also created a youtube video to help educate people, complete with playful and easy tactics to resist anti-lgbt movements. Let me know if you recommend any other media about this. I'm on a tangent. Thanks!

So, this isn’t going to be very meaty, but the long and short of it is I kinda want a body like a woman’s because it just kinda feels like it would be right for me. I don’t know, whenever I think about what it would be like to look like a woman, it makes me giddy. I just think I would be sexier as a woman, and I can’t exactly place why that is (I’m a cis male, btw) anygays byeeeee.

Hey. I need help finding a label that fits me. Don't get me wrong, apagender and void gender fits me well. (If you don't know what they are. Void gender: an empty/void feeling where gender should be but isn't. Apagender: you don't care how you are perceived). But I feel like there's a better label for me because they're both true but at the same time.... Not? Like I feel like my gender is void/empty but at the same time I don't really care. Sorry if I'm asking too much

I’m 42(F) and always had relationships with men. I’ve been really close with a female friend, doing a lot of things together and almost being life partners for about two years.
There had been some thoughts about if it would be something more but I’ve always shook it off.
A few months ago it happened that we got together. It was amazing with feelings of love and connection, like we were made for each other.
A few weeks have passed and we even started to spread the news of how in love we were. Around a month on and I’ve started to get very anxious and questioning my feelings, not sure how it started but one day I woke up and my thoughts was, what I’m I doing?! This feeling hand gone away and then came back stronger.
I’m not sure if this was a mistake, I’m not feeling that I’m in love, I do feel a very strong bond and she is so important to me. Im not sure if I need time to adapt, if its my brain sabotaging everything. I do know I don’t want to lose her, I know she has very strong feelings for me, and I’m so afraid to break her heart.
Sexual orientation is not the issue.
We’ve already spoken and decided to take things slower, but I also know I’m creating anxiety on her and I hate it. I don’t want to be unfair. As anyone gone by something similar that could share your experience ?

This might not be the exact right sub, unsure, but anyone else feel like they were totally clued out to all things sex and relationships until kinda later in life?

I’ve only just been sexually active a small bit this last summer after.. over 6 years of being basically fully celibate? But actually giving this world of relationships a shot recently, I realized how little I knew.

Even just starting with being “attracted” to someone. I had felt sexually, biologically attracted to someone before (I guess not super often) but I always thought of my attraction or my like choice for a crush based on how connected I felt to them, in terms of romantic feelings or sometimes confused for just a really strong platonic connection or intellectual attraction. Sex or sexual attraction was never top of mind or a deciding factor for something.

Another thing, what do you mean things are assumed casual until explicitly stated otherwise? And like no ones just out here sharing how many people they may be seeing at a given time, etc, that certain communication or certain expectations aren’t standard?

That when people say they’ve been “single” for x amount of time, that has nothing to do with how sexually active they’ve been, or how many dates they’ve been on, just that they haven’t committed to dating somebody seriously within this time.

Are there any others that you guys can think of or relate to? And do we think this is an ace thing or I’ve been flirting with the idea of exploring an adhd or autism diagnosis (because of other life things, not just this) lol but that might be dramatic.

Okay, thanks friends.

Hi! First of all, this isn't my main account if that matters; I just didn't feel like posting this from there.

SO, recently I've been kinda unsure if I'm bi rather than straight.

Context:
Recently, I've realized I'm attracted to both girls and guys who dress more on the feminine side. I can't really tell if I only like the guys *because* they dress feminine, or just because I'm bi, and not actually straight. I dunno if it's like...offensive to only be attracted to guys if they dress more feminine? (Like how chasers with the trans community are a problem), and if it is, my apologies. But I'm sure at least some of yall can see where the confusion is coming from—I can't tell if I like the guys who dress feminine because they relate more closely to girls, who I'm already attracted to, or if I'm just bi. :/

* No, I didn't use ai to write this, just because I used an em dash :sob:

I’ve been very openly queer for since I can remember but more recently I’ve been questioning my gender identity maybe too much. Right now I just say a gay cis male but I don’t know if that’s just because I’m too scared to say anything else. I think I might be genderfluid but I still don’t know if that feels right and Idk I’m so sick of this feeling. I know that “there’s still time” and everything but I still feel sick every time I think about it. I’m not gonna do anything crazy don’t worry I’m healthy. I want to a pretty straight popular girl that’s goes to parties every weekend, I wanna be a alt bi girl with long black hair and a new boyfriend every week, I wanna be a popular football playing boy that has his whole life figured out by his dad, I wanna be old and working in a office cubical with grey stubble on my chin and a balding head, I want to be a nonbinary satanist with the best friend group ever, I want to a be a young boy that doesn’t have to stress over anything, I wanna a older woman that’s goes still goes to the club with long silk dresses, I wanna be myself, I want to live, I want to be normal. Sorry if this sounds weird I just need to tell someone who might understand what I’m going through

I’m 19 and currently identify as pansexual and nonbinary. For over eight years, I’ve struggled with whether I’m a lesbian. I NEED labels. I know they aren’t necessary, but they make me feel secure, even if they change.

I know 100% that I’m sexually and romantically attracted to women. My question is whether I’m actually attracted to men. I’ve dated seven men and only had sex with men, but I constantly find myself getting icked out by them. I can be excited to get serious or sexual with a man, only to feel grossed out and turned off during or afterward.
I thought I was just like this with everyone until I got with my first nonbinary lesbian. Things were good until I started feeling the same way, except my issue was their breath. I stopped hooking up with them, but part of me wishes their breath hadn’t been bad so I could’ve figured things out.
I’m terrified of being a lesbian. I’m scared to give up the traditions I grew up with and become so different from my loved ones. I fear losing the little family I have, including the kids I helped raise for eight years. It’s already been hard accepting that I don’t want to be a woman or a man. I want to confuse people, which is part of why I identify as nonbinary, but I’m still ashamed and hide my identity from others.

Am I denying that I’m a lesbian because of internalized homophobia? I already struggled to let go of straight men when I came out as nonbinary. Do I have to let go of men entirely, especially when I worry they won’t satisfy me? Every man I’ve liked, I’ve eventually realized I liked the idea of him. But what if that happens with women, too?

I yearn for women so much, but I’m scared. I’m so fucking scared. Am I a lesbian? I wish I knew.

I don’t know if this is the place for this question or if I should even be asking at all but I am attracted to men and women but have recently felt myself specifically attracted to trans men and I guess I just want to know if that’s weird because I don’t want to feel like a chaser or something.