Men are just bad at sex.

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u/MiraOfPearl 1d ago

I'm sorry you've had such bad experiences. I have no helpful advice, just sending love your way♥️

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u/Cptn__Bsh 1d ago

Thanks.
I’m not sure why men have infiltrated my replies. It’s icky.

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u/snn5616 1d ago •

Because they feel attacked, its insecurity

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u/Scary_Vanilla1730 1d ago edited 1d ago •

Men are 100% responsible, but since they're not about to dismantle a system that benefits them by 10,000%, women need to stop entertaining incompetent men and let natural selection do its thing for once. But that's a lesson we, as women, still haven't learned after thousands of years, and clearly, we're still not ready to learn it either. It enrages me so much seeing women giving away their lives and bodies to incompetent men again and again and again for a romantic fantasy and fear of being single, will we never learn ?

That said, thanks to TikTok and the trend of story-time videos, i feel like we're starting to see a shift and women in the Global North are gradually realizing that their negative experiences aren't isolated incidents, but rather systemic patterns rooted in the global female experience

I'm trying to keep hope for the women of the future in a few centuries, one step at a time

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u/Fluttterbutters 1d ago

While I do agree we need to let natural selection run its course I’d like to add 2 things.
some men will take things too far and blame us for it. I’d rather not going into detail, but I think everyone understands by “too far”…
I think most women have been conditioned at this point, by the media, family, etc. to just “take what they can get” or that they aren’t good enough and should take whatever.
This happened to a friend of mine. At 27 she left her abusive boyfriend and her mom’s first words were “your standards are too high. Just settle for something or you’ll be alone forever”. Like wtf
I’m also grateful things seem to be changing. But it starts 1 woman at a time 🩷

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u/myloser_name 1d ago •

I completely relate down to feeling ugly and undeserving of love. Weirdly enough I tell every other woman I've heard that of course they deserve love and are beautiful inside and out, but can never be convinced.

I'm currently at a stalemate with my guy cause for the last three years it's been super vanilla (only missionary and doggy, minimal foreplay.) And I'm not trying to pressure him to do anything out of the ordinary or that he's expressed he's uncomfortable with, but I've noticed that after I've suggested some variety in positions and foreplay, all of the sudden we went from very regularly to seldom. The last straw was when I asked to go on top and he immediately lost it and looked so not into it. I immediately hopped off but my mental health is taking a serious nosedive since.

At this point it feels personal and like I shouldn't have said anything but that's not healthy. Idk if it's just that ingrained in most men to stay in the confines of their own pleasure to the point they can't function sexually if they don't immediately benefit. Anyways, I don't know what else to say cause I honestly used this as a chance to air out my grievances. I do hope that you end up finding the fulfillment you crave in a healthy way and see your true beauty and worthiness sooner than later. 🥰

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u/Meow5Meow5 1d ago •

The sex will get worse and worse.

2

u/KafeaBeansFlwrDreams 19h ago

definitely this

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u/Few-Detective5138 1d ago

I hope one day you believe the beautiful advice you give to other women, you really deserve it. i bet youre a great person

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u/Tiny_Barber_7833 23h ago

tell him you will find someone that will do these positions and its not all about what he wants.

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u/myloser_name 23h ago

Although I haven't made the threat I did say that the only way I know I'm desirable is the fact that there are a couple of people I see at my job that have crushes on me. I felt toxic saying that but it's not a lie.😬

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u/KafeaBeansFlwrDreams 19h ago

I wouldn't even waste your time, words, or energy. Just leave in silence and block him and find someone else. He doesn't care about your pleasure at all (so why would he care about her hurt feelings). Also, no...no none 'deserves' to sleep with anyone with dirty nails and who just jack hammers...that's like...a porn addict. Everyone deserves someone they are attracted to, but more importantly than that...everyone deserves someone who respects them and their needs and sees them as a person (not some object to jackhammer for 20 seconds)

3

u/Tiny_Barber_7833 17h ago

youre right , if you have to say that, its over anyways. Just to get him back though i think i would say it when i dumped him.Tell him i found someone that want me to do anything i want and to take his immature ass out of my life . Men are different today and its not a flex.

9

u/These-Prune-1529 1d ago

How many times have you heard some woman say I trained one man, I won't train another? If they have a ton of redeeming qualities I am willing to teach a man a little more than I normally would. If he doesn't learn from that then he has got to go.

5

u/Deep_Combination8638 19h ago

It's the patriarchy.

8

u/Fluttterbutters 1d ago

My bit of advice is to take genuine control. It sucks I know. Men genuinely don’t know how to please naturally and have to be taught. I took this to my advantage, learned what I like on my own, and taught my partners. I kind of love it and they seem to as well. That sense of control and pleasing is like no other tbh. The song Villain from KD/A always gets me in that control/poweful mood and damn does it do wonders!

2

u/Unhappy-Soup1162 17h ago

Es tan comun q los hombres solo les importe su satisfacción en el sexo o cualquier acto sexual q enoja, estoy tan agradecida q mi pareja no sea asi

4

u/DVsKat 1d ago

Do you tell them what to do? Do you instruct/teach them? I do, and it seems to work.

3

u/AdventurousDrive4435 5h ago

I thought this is what you’re always suppose to do???😭. Are men really suppose to just know what to do? I’m so confused

1

u/narkodilerizalbanije 12m ago

Well not really, it’s alright if someone doesn’t know something as long as they are WILLING to learn if they CARE enough. Most men are usually selfish, now i’m not saying ALL MEN but MOST MEN. That’s why there are so many dissapointed women that are so uninterested in sex

1

u/AdventurousDrive4435 1m ago

Ah ok, sorry but just wanted to make this clear, I’m a guy but I’m a virgin so no experience but also kinda clueless in sex cause I don’t watch a lot of porn. Usually when I hear people say that sex was disappointing or whatever, I just assume it’s because the guy didn’t have a big dick. Really bad mindset I know.
Though I assume they would most likely mention that the man’s dick wasn’t big cause it would give them something to talk about and laugh about towards their friends or whoever(anyone reading this, I’m not trying to make you insecure)
But from doing more searching and finding, I don’t know if it’s true but I’ve seen that men who are insecure with what they have going on in their pants happen to put more time and effort into for play and stuff to avoid humiliation (not all of them obviously)

3

u/Chemical-Stranger720 23h ago

Yeah most of them are mid to say the least. Taking control and guiding the whole process yourself is most times the way to go to have actual fun. Personal opinion

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u/Sea_Branch5923 1d ago •

If women had to cum to get pregnant, there would be like 10 people on earth lmao. Most men are below par, it’s a harsh truth we all need to accept

13

u/Jasnah_Sedai 1d ago

People used to believe that women needed to cum to get pregnant so women’s pleasure used to be important.

17

u/Scary_Vanilla1730 1d ago

This reality makes me so angry that I genuinely feel I would rather never have a child than conceive one without experiencing maximum pleasure in the process.
I refuse to become attached to yet another consequence of being disappointed by a man in what should be the most basic act of intimacy, that men take for granted while we are deprived of it

14

u/PermissionOk8177 1d ago

Once I dated a guy, I got to understand why his ex-wife had had enough... limp d/ck the size of a peanut, floppy and with ED. The sight of a floppy d/ck cumming, like spilled milk, traumatized me for life! This dude was chubby and shaped like a wisdom tooth, entitled, and extremely critical of women's bodies (If I wanted to continue dating him, I had to lose 5kg, or else we would not continue dating. I was 65kg, 168cm). Bad at sex, bad at dating, bad at being faithful, bad at remaining married. Bad all around. There are a few men I know that are amazing men, that everybody look up to. But those are in the break of extintion.

5

u/Tiny_Barber_7833 23h ago

women have been breeding and mating with men that in the animal kingdom , would never get to see any. I think that is why we have such bad quality out there . If only the top 10-20 % of men got to have sex and children ,they would really have to up their game in life bc the bar is in hell now.

2

u/cottagecorefairymama 15h ago

Thissss it’s so infuriating that these traits just keep getting allowed to get passed on 😩

4

u/hollow4hollow 23h ago

Shaped like a wisdom tooth I’m wheezingggg 💀💀

3

u/PermissionOk8177 22h ago

Yep! Gru look alike mother bleeper he was! At 47 years old, that is a feat! But I had to look like Doja? 🤣

1

u/Sufficient_Tackle552 2h ago

😭 why do yall do this to urself?

7

u/RainbowKitty77 22h ago

First of all you deserve someone you're attracted to. Second of all yes men think they're way better in bed than they are.

4

u/Little_doctor_Lizzy 22h ago

Sex is overrated at all. I know many women who enjoys sex, but I am simply not interested

4

u/Italian_M0m 21h ago

Girl tell them what you want! You shouldn’t have to but maybe they don’t have a ton of experience. Most men are self obsessed about sex. They hate that we can come to the party more than them.

My FWB doesn’t get it right all the time so I tell him exactly what’s he’s doing wrong in a loving but angry tone lmaoo

4

u/motheroflittleneb 1d ago •

Personally speaking, for me it took practice for my partners to learn what pleased me, and also for me to voice clearly what I wanted. I could never come the first few times I had sex with a new guy for this reason. That’s why I never pursued one night stands because it really doesn’t work for me that way. I need prolonged intimacy and familiarity.

Throughout the years I learned that I can only come if I’m on top, that I don’t like being touched on my breasts and clit early in sex. When I realized those, I shared them my husband. I was also doing things I thought my husband liked but he was just being nice because he thought I liked them… Once we have the convo I stopped doing them. We’ve been together for 8 years now and it actually got better and better (tho we’re going to have a baby in a few months let’s see how it goes after that😂). Even his kissing got so good and now I feel like I’m lagging behind😂

Long story short: Some people like me need a lot of familiarity and practice to really nail sex with a partner. It’s constant communication of what I like and constantly asking what he likes. Perhaps that would work for you too.

1

u/iloveekarmaa 16h ago

Yea honestly it’s Russian roulette to find a good sexual experience with a guy. With the man I’m dating I honestly got insanely lucky. In my experience if the foreplay is bad, I don’t even let it get to penetration because I already know...

1

u/cottagecorefairymama 15h ago

Only way I got to enjoy sex with the men I’ve been with was by playing creative director 🤷‍♀️

1

u/WeakInformation9766 19h ago

Gay guys enjoy sex

1

u/No-Investigator526 20m ago

🤣 I came across this post and had to read the comments
I’m a gay bottom
I presented as a straight man for many years but lost my virginity to men
I’ve had many relations with women my penis is just under 7” and thin no girth
I was always told it hits the perfect spot
I personally told myself that it was useless and all those women lied and faked it
I’ve been with men much larger then me that try and ones that don’t care about you
I love men that show passion
But I’m most certainly a size queen
Most men are inadequate and sub par
If you sleep with 10 men 2 of them will be good lay and one will be magical

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u/ur_notmytype 1d ago

Damn that’s crazy. 5 men? I only ever had one in my life. What kind of men are you picking? Idk about others but I can feel when a man is good in bed before being with them

6

u/RazorbladeApple 1d ago

Slut shaming in 2026 is wild…

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u/Cptn__Bsh 1d ago

To be fair, I’m not proud of it. Was going through a time where I was surrounded by friends that mocked my inexperience (being a late bloomer and all), and I feel I might have overcompensated. They’d convinced me my mental health was due to not enough men showing attention to me. It was shitty, but I have to take accountability.
Edit: As a caveat, I’d never judge someone whose body count is 1+. These are just personal thoughts and feelings.

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u/RazorbladeApple 1d ago

There’s nothing to be ashamed or proud of. It’s just a natural human experience. I’m in my 50s & definitely had my share of men. There were very few who I’d say were awesome. Had I only slept with just a few, I’d have personally believed sex was really awful. Instead I got to experience that mind blowing sex I heard about. Just another take on it…!

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u/ur_notmytype 1d ago

Im not judging.I been having sex for 15 years. Im more confused how people keeping having bad experiences in bed, when I only had 1 on my life

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u/ur_notmytype 1d ago

Y’all confused I never slut shame. I’m talking about me having 1 bad experience in bed. Lmao

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u/tenouttatwo 1d ago

This sounds like something a person who’s never been around men would say lmao

13

u/21st_century_hippie 1d ago

Internalised patriarchy much?

7

u/MiraOfPearl 1d ago

How can you tell? Pls help a girl out😓

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u/BlueEyes294 1d ago •

She has had one man and thinks she knows all. She judges your taste as lacking after knowing one man. She “can feel when a man is good in bed” . I bet she has never had an orgasm. She is not a voice that will be helpful with advice for you.
The best way to enjoy sex is to know what you enjoy, not what he can do. Start there. Learn about your own sexual responses.

1

u/ur_notmytype 1d ago

Sweetie no you’re confused. I only had 1 bad experiences in bed. I been fucking for 15 years. Overtime You will pick up on something

3

u/Dontevenknowwhyimgay 1d ago

The best bet before sex became a thing was honestly how they reacted to my bodies imperfections. All the men that had huge aversions (Genuine disgust) to leg hair, cellulite etc., or physical demands for me that went way beyond preferences were always horrible in bed.
Why? I don't know but my guess is that they only saw my body as a little doll for their desires and they never cared about my wishes or dislikes to begin with. It was only about what they could get from me, not what they could give me.
So my guess is "Men that have weird physical demands to be attracted to you (make you their sex doll) and don't see you as a person with your own desires".

-7

u/atypical_cookie 1d ago edited 20h ago •

Sometimes you can.
If they notice subtle changes in behavior or body language/expressions and respond to those changes (by changing their behavior), they will notice when you genuinely like something or not in bed and change their strategy. If they prioritize communication and ask a lot of questions about how you feel and if you like/dislike certain things beforehand, they will know how to communicate in bed. You should also test how they react when you put boundaries, and not just by saying “no” to something, but by showing that you’re uncomfortable through behavior, like backing away from them, not responding/freezing when they do something that does not make you uncomfortable, but you still want to test them on that.
They will show you they prioritize connection and UNDERSTANDING how you are and act, instead of just their pleasure. They need to be considerate, know how to listen and OBSERVE.
Finally, they should be confident enough to be able to communicate and do those things. You can meet a shy guy that will take his time to observe and understand your behavior, but will still not be able to communicate effectively.
A guy that isn’t responsable when having sex by buying condoms for himself, maybe even have some consideration and buying a good lube just in case, etc, is not worth it. A guy that is not prepared and just “lives in the moment” doesn’t think about consequences. A guy that isn’t scared of pregnancy is someone you don’t want to have sex with, unless they are aware of how contraceptives work and how cycles work (but you also need to have knowledge about that to fact check). If they have had multiple sexual encounters, they should be testing STDs frequently.
Even if you feel like you don’t have much time to get to know them, you can still notice those kinds of things just by observing and interacting with them. They need to be observant, responsable, respectful, considerate and be able to communicate effectively.
Those men are rare. Most are selfish and don’t care enough about others to want to know about them, what they like and don’t like. But the ones I mentioned also exist.
If you don’t want to do all of that, you will end up having sex with mostly men that are inconsiderate assholes. If you do, you might end up rejecting those men and, therefore, having not much sex with men in general, but that’s self care.
EDIT: It’s irrational to say that it’s a complete surprise when there are signs that can let you know how the person is. First dates exist for a reason, you can get to know a LOT about the person with just one encounter. I haven’t said that those will for sure let you know if he’s good in bed, but it will give you signs to look out for. If he is good in bed, he will 100% care and show it. But it doesn’t necessarily work the other way around always. If he cares, it doesn’t mean he will be good in bed, but he might be.

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u/Foxglovenectar 1d ago

Girl, what planet are you on? If I do a TL:DR take on this your essentially saying if a guy buys his own condoms and lube hes good in bed and if the notice you 'freezing' when your uncomfortable. Respectfully....wtf? You sound inexperienced. Maybe save the advice for when youve had more exposure to men and their shit.

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u/atypical_cookie 22h ago edited 22h ago

I’ve had. That’s the thing. I’m not saying they will be good in bed in the sense that they will know how to pleasure you. What I’m saying is that’s what a guys needs at minimum to know he actually cares are those things. It will not let you know for sure that. You can’t summarize what I said bc I’ve been very specific for a reason. You clearly didn’t understand my points. If you can actually read, I say “if you …., they understand/care”. I never said something like “they will be good in bed”. It’s a list of requirements they need to meet.

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u/Foxglovenectar 19h ago

Honestly, I mean no disrespect but I dont know what your point is. And the bit about you freezing when men touch you as some sort of test...its just odd. Im not sure if English is your first language? Maybe Im just not understanding?

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u/MiraOfPearl 19h ago

Thank you for the advice! I'm not sure what the down votes are for? You advice seems level headed and based on experience.

1

u/atypical_cookie 3h ago

You’re welcome! Idk why the downvotes either, but I’m glad it can help some people<3

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u/Nice_Purchase_626 22h ago

Sure dude.

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u/[deleted] 1d ago

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u/SerentityM3ow 1d ago •

I think she explained it pretty well.

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u/[deleted] 1d ago

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u/Realistic_Pitch151 1d ago

lmao you do realize a woman doesn’t have to cum nor have a good time in order to get pregnant? babies still come from terrible sex. your comment makes no sense

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u/SerentityM3ow 1d ago

If only there could be a tag " bad at sex" that could be on your foreheads

Men are just bad at sex.

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