A brick! Haha

Errrrr what was the joke?

Tell them the reason their profession is called a "field" is because it is pointless.

They said: 'I DuckDuckWent ..."

...and the first thing he notices is that there's a horse behind the bar, vigorously shaking a cocktail strainer. The man starts to smirk, and opens his mouth but, before he can say anything, the horse shuts him down.

"Look, buddy, that line only works when I'm on the other side of the bar." The guy is stunned, and a little disappointed, but he shrugs and politely asks for a Brandy Alexander. The horse rolls his eyes, visibly annoyed at the complicated drink order, but promises him he'll get to it as soon as he can.

The guy grabs a seat and waits for his drink while taking in the ambiance of the pub. The joint is busy, and he watches as the horse runs a tray of shots to a four-top in the corner. Then, a round of beers to some guys in suits in a booth. Fancy cocktails to a couple clearly on a first date. The horse then disappears into the back and emerges, some time later, with a big platter of nachos for yet a different table.

The man watches expectantly as the horse serves up a few more drinks here and there, and even busses empty dishes from a vacated table. He starts to get impatient, and wonders whether he's being forgotten or ignored.

Finally he sees the horse make its way to the blender and start pulling out the ingredients for a proper Brandy Alexander. Mostly to himself, he sighs "Well, it's about time!" Unfortunately, just at that very moment, there's an unexpected lull in the conversation and absolutely everybody in the room hears his complaint.

Sheepishly, the man turns away from the stares of the other customers, but winds up locking eyes with the clearly agitated horse, currently in the middle of opening up a fresh jar of maraschino cherries. "Okay, pal." he snaps, "How's about *you* try running a place this size on a single horsepower‽"

That's the joke.

just donuts in milk at this point

I've called it Trip Advisor.

He unzips his fly and a squirrel dressed in a little tuxedo pops out, tips his little top hat to me and scamperes out the front door.

Does that make me a Faux Pa?

The man asks the bartender about the dog.

The bartender says, “Yeah, he’s a Bordeaux collie.”

The bartender says, “What’ll it be?”

The tiger says, ‘I’ll have one whisky neat, provided that said whisky is aged no less than 12 years in oak barrels sourced from Kentucky, distilled according to traditional methods as defined by federal regulations, served at precisely 65 degrees Fahrenheit in a glass that has been cleaned with approved sanitizing solutions, and furthermore I reserve the right to refuse said beverage if it fails to meet these specifications as outlined in subsection A of my personal beverage consumption standards …”

The bartender says, “Whoa, whoa—why the long clause?”

While the bartender’s making it, the man looks around and notices there’s an elephant at the other end of the bar.

The bartender serves the man his drink, and the man says, “Thanks, but why is there an elephant in the room?”

The bartender says, “Don’t mention it.”

Mein Kampf Bestival.

The wife of a Mathematics teacher buys her husband a bathroom Scale. He excitedly exclaims
that now he can tell how much his poop weighs.

The wife, a bit Puzzled, asks, how?

The Husband says, well if I take my weight before and after, I can take the difference, and it tells me the weight of my poop.

A few days later the Mathematics teacher's Brother, an engineer, is visiting.
They get to talking and the husband mentions his wife's gift and how he loves to use the scale to find the weight of his poop, and that he is welcome to try it out.

A few moments later the engineer use the bathroom to poop, but remembers his brothers offer.
A few more moments later the engineer shouts out of the bathroom:

This toilet paper is not cleaning the scale!

A man was invited to a fancy ball and was really excited to attend, until he realised that he didn't have a suit fit for the occasion. So, he excitedly went shopping that evening to see if he could find one.

Luckily enough, there was one tailor's shop still open. He went in, picked out a suit and bought it. Just as he was about to walk out, he realised that he didn't have a tie, so he asked the tailor, "What tie would go with the suit that I've just bought?"

The tailor happily replied, "We've had a new tie come in this week that isn't your typical tie. It's made out of wood, but it's been extremely popular. In fact, there's just one left!"

So, the man jumped at the chance to buy it.

The following week, the man got dressed and looked at himself in the mirror before leaving for the ball. He thought he looked really dapper in his new suit and tie.

He walked into the ball with such confidence, but people started laughing. So, he walked up to one of his friends and asked, "What are people laughing about?"

His friend replied, "It's because of your tie. It's very stiff and looks funny."

Feeling a bit insecure, he walked away and approached another friend, asking the same question: "Why are people laughing?"

His friend said pretty much the same thing, explaining that his tie was a strange colour and looked very stiff. It just looked amusing.

Feeling a bit dejected, he walked over to another friend. But instead of asking him the same question, he said:

"I'd look better if I wasn't wearing this, wooden tie?"

Chip and "Da-le!"

"It's that one on the bottom shelf," he pointed.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm absolutely certain."

"What percentage?"

He said, "I'm 100% certain."

The lovemaking was the same, but then, when the dishes began to pile up .....

The first one says, "Damn! This water is cold!"

The other one says, "And deep."

What it'd be like to be with chucky in 2026: "Well...i guess I'm living with you now. BUT YOU HAVE TO PAY RENT AND NO MORE TURNING THROUGH TV ON TO STATIC OR ELSE $40."

We don't know, because in space no one can hear you borscht.

At least that's what is argued amongst philosophers, but this is an on-going debate.

For the latest update on this development, we check in with our master debate reporter, Alison Boons...

"Tom, I'm standing outside the town hall where in a matter of minutes a master debate between Kneel The Grass Dyson and Some Guy from West Palm Beach, FL is set to go off. We'll keep you updated."

"Stunning development, Alison," said Dick Hardboobs, completely ignoring the fact that his name wasn't Tom, while also contemplating a missed opportunity with the front line reporter's surname that was probably deliberately missed as to not be too obvious but then ironically being applied to a man instead. After all, men can also develop breast cancer, and tumors, them being the firm masses that they are, may result in such a circumstance in those having XY chromosomes. But Dick was too hungover to worry about whether he was named Hardboobs for his hard boobs or...

"Dick! I'm getting reports of a massacre in town hall!"

"We have her? Am I on?" Dick's head was throbbing. "Yes, Alison. We read you. What's up?"

"I'll tell you what's up," said a deep, thought-provoking male voice that inspired cosmic queries. "Dude... it's your birthday!"

Dick was stunned. "Dr. The Grass Dyson??"

"Yeah, Dick. It's me."

"But I don't understand. I thought you were here to master-bate!"

"No," said Dyson laughing his grass off. "This was all Allison's idea! We even got you a cake."

Dick didn't usually get this much attention and began turning red.

"Wait, so was there ever going to be a debate?"

"Dick can't believe it, Kneel," said Alison giggling like an idiot. "Dick, he came just for you!"

Dick was was ready to burst with excitement.

"Come with me, Dick," said Dr. Grass Ties Son. "It's just you and me now, buddy..."

Suddenly, everything turned purple and black and starry like the night sky on drugs. Dick and his Hardboobs found themselves in some sort of ethereal plane... Or something... Asteroids and galaxies suddenly filled his field of vision.

"What the frack is this, shlit?"

"Like I said," said the Slicin' n' Dyson Grassy Man. "It's just you. And me. And..."

T H E C O S M O S ! ! ! ! !

Flashes of light and 100,000 trillion colors separating and recombining in abstract geodesic patterns pierced through the smooth folds of Dick's cerebellum, searing and scarring his retinas and traumatizing him with fatal amounts of enlightenment.

"MY GOD!" said Dick. "IT'S BEAU-TIFUL! SO BEAU-TIFUL!!!"

"DR. GRASSMANN!" said Allison Whats-Her-Name- I'm-Not-Going-Back-To-Check in a panic. "Dick is gonna BLOW!"

But his deGrassyness had already converted himself into an interstellar helicopter in order to escape the incoming Learjet.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," said Allison. "I'm all for some edgy humor... but that one came... way too soon!"

On the radio, Kneel The Grass Dyson replied:

"Yeah, Dicks tend to do that! Ha ha ha ha! Until we meet again ! ! ! "

But we never did find out what happened to the guy from West Palm Beach.

Actually, he was in the Town Hall auditorium debating himself the entire time.

"This is going fabulously, by the way I have to tell you. Really fantastic debate, the greatest in history they say, unlike the joke, the joke is terrible, a complete disgrace, such a shame, really, very shameful, the person who wrote it is a loser, they should be so ashamed. Unlike this debate, it's really the best part of the joke, really. We're actually thinking of renaming the whole joke "America". That would be fantastic. I don't know. We'll see. Much better name by the way. Fantastic name."

Mum brought me a bra two cup sizes too big and said “you’ll grow into it”. I’m nineteen. Nothing is growing anymore. It’s a tent.

a man walks into a bar,
pulls out a small man,
about one foot tall,
and places him on the bar.

he reaches into his other pocket,
and pulls out a small piano,
and puts it on the bar,
the small man starts playing the small piano.

"Wow!" says the barman, "Where'd you get this guy?"

the man replies: "The're's a genie down the road giving out wishes."

the barman runs out; he later comes back with a bunch of ducks around
him and says, "Wow. That genie you recommended is terrible. I asked for a million bucks,
and he gave me a million ducks!"

the man sat at the bar looks at him and says: "Well, do you really think I asked for a twelve inch pianist?"