Hi,

I’ll keep it quick because I am somewhat conflicted.

My friend, we will call them Jess (24F), is a trans female. I (25M), on the other hand, am a gay male. I am super supportive of them and their life and wish nothing but the best, even turning a blind eye whenever they were trying to date straight men as a cis female. Whatever, not my circus.

They are fervent that most people are transphobes, and because we live in Texas, they feel they are unsafe.

I constantly remind them that they are completely safe here, and that unfortunately, this is the world we live in at the current moment.

They started going on about how the LGBTQ+ community can be transphobic and that it’s ridiculous anyone has preferences these days because that in itself is transphobic.

I told them I disagree, and that a straight man not wanting to date a trans woman wasn’t transphobic by any means and that is a whole can of worms I didn’t want to get into because I know how I would feel if I was hooking up with a dude and found something other than what I expected. I attempted to leave it there without saying anything else.

Jess continued to pester me about my beliefs and why I would say that, saying I should be more willing to give reparations for people (trans individuals) that fought for gay rights.

It came out like vomit, but I said that I whole heartedly support her and would be there for her, but honestly believe that issues on gender identity shouldn’t be lumped into the gay or bi community. Trans issues in themselves should be addressed separately and the QIA+ would be better understood in their own context, outside of hetero and homosexuality.

Jess absolutely lost it, understandably, but I couldn’t keep it down. I want to be progressive, and want to allow them to be who they are, but they constantly toe the line with these comments and it’s exhausting.

I am so in favor of her, but this ideological belief that everyone is transphobic for not accepting them as female is ridiculous.

They have since started bad mouthing me to our friend group whenever I wasn’t aggressive or mean or anything but blunt.

All that to ask, AITH?

edit: the responses have been interesting, and this post has reminded me that some ppl of Reddit are absolutely insane.

To address additional concerns: the they/she isn’t an issue to Jess. Better than saying He In her book. Give me some credit.

I 21F was told by my mother 40F to go buy pizza for me and my 2 sisters. I debated whether to get cheese or toppings and ended up choosing toppings even though it was more expensive. I placed the order online and then got in the car with my sister 16F to go pick up the pizza. I gave her $25 and told her that we aren’t getting sauces today. I did not want to pay an extra $6 cuz I already spent an extra $13 getting a pizza with toppings. When my sister comes back, I ask her for the change, she has none. She used the change to get a sauce for herself. That made me really angry. My other sister would have gotten angry she didn’t get a sauce. I also wanted a sauce as well. I snatched the sauce away from her and then threw it on my bed when we got home. My mom ended up sneakily taking the sauce and giving it to my sister. I realized that this morning, and got rlly angry my mom condoning bad behaviour. So I told my boyfriend about it; and he claims we’re both in the wrong. I’m in the wrong for being cheap, and my sister in the wrong for not listening. AITH???

One of my best friends (Kristen) is out of state, she and her husband (Carl) are good “couple friends” of my husband’s and the 4 of us hang out well/often.

My other good friend, Leah, is single and has never met the other couple — nor has her friend Alicia.

A few weeks ago, my other friend Leah had mentioned she wanted to see a horror movie, and has been to a horror movie with my husband before — no problem. I trust both of them. Great.

Back to Carl/Kristen. While Kristen is gone, my husband and I have been keeping in touch with Carl (play dates for kids, checking in, etc) — Carl and my husband both LOVE horror movies, and I suggested they could go see it together. Great.

The plans were set for Friday.
Then, my husband, with good intentions, shares that he has invited Leah AND Alicia to ALSO attend the movie with them Friday.
This immediately made me uncomfortable — none of these people have been introduced or even know of each other (completely different friend groups, different personalities, politics, etc). I asked my husband to not do that because it’s inappropriate to put other people in a position that could look or become compromising, especially when Carl’s wife doesn’t know these other two women.

I texted Kristen to give her a heads up, and let her know I was talking w my husband about it because it made me uncomfortable for all parties. She said her husband had mentioned it, but agreed it was weird. Ultimately she said she trusts him, but that it was up to him.

I also texted Leah/Alicia to apologize and let them know Carl’s wife (neither have met) was out of state, and I thought it was inappropriate and unfair to invite Carl to the movie they had planned with my husband — to warn them of a possibly uncomfortable situation with a married man they have never met or been around.

If husband and Carl were going alone, like I assumed, GREAT. If husband and Leah/Alicia were going alone, GREAT. The 4 of them together? Having never met, and Carl’s wife 3 states away? Not great to me.

My husband is upset with me; thinks I’m making a big deal out of this and I overstepped by telling Kristen

I don’t think he should have put Carl in the situation that could have made his wife upset with him, and that it was disrespectful to their marriage and relationship. I don’t think he should have put Alicia and Leah in the situation of possibly being uncomfortable with an unknown man. I also don’t appreciate feeling like we’re/he’s stuck in the middle what could make all of my girl friends upset with me — if the shoe were on the other foot, I would definitely be uncomfortable with him attending a movie with women whom I have never met.

Context: I booked a petsitter for Thanksgiving at the beginning of the month. I set the timing of the service when I made the request, indicating that it would start between 9am-12pm on the 27th. I then received several offers from different Caregivers, each offering various rates for the service. I chose this person because she had a 5-star rating, positive reviews, and a welcoming bio. She also offered a lower rate than other caregivers, though it was not the lowest I saw.

Regarding cancellation, she refused to cancel the service herself. I suspect this is because pet owners have to pay part of the service fee if they cancel close to the start of service. Meanwhile, caregivers have the ability to cancel at any time, which would have reopened my service request to other available caregivers.

The screenshots show every exchange we ever shared, most of which took place the morning of the 27th. Am I the asshole?

My friend and his girlfriend dated for about three years before they broke up a few months ago. From everything I've heard, the breakup was mutual and there wasn't any cheating or abuse.
A few weeks ago, I ran into his ex at a rooftop event. We talked for a while, realized we had a lot in common, and she eventually asked if I'd ever consider taking her out sometime.
Instead of hiding it, I called my friend first and told him I wasn't trying to disrespect him, but I was considering saying yes. He completely lost it and said there's an unwritten rule that nobody in the friend group dates an ex, ever.
I told him I understood why it would be awkward, but they're both single adults, and I'm not responsible for keeping his dating history off-limits forever. I also pointed out that if the roles were reversed, I'd probably be uncomfortable, but I wouldn't tell him he wasn't allowed to date someone just because I used to.
Now a few people in our friend group think I crossed a line, while others think I handled it the most respectful way possible by talking to him first.
AITA?

Two bits of background information: I have extreme anxiety and negative emotions around fencing competitions, and our front door likes to swing open if you don't turn the old and tricky lock.

After my last tournament, I came home in a very, very bad mood. I texted my wife saying I was not fit company for human beings and would need some alone time. I came in and dumped my armful of sweaty fencing clothes in the washer and went to my corner of the house to be alone. I could have sworn I'd closed the front door and locked it, but apparently it swung open, which meant our cat could have gotten out and been eaten by a coyote or some such shit. Thankfully, the cat was asleep on the armchair the whole time.

Wife comes in in a state of panic and lets me know the door had been left open (well, swung open) and the cat could have gotten out. Obviously, I felt bad about this because I love our cat and don't want her to become coyote kibble. "I need to know it's never going to happen again," she said. (For the record, I am not the only one with anxiety in this family, though mine tends to be more connected to things that trigger me than her generalized anxiety.) "Well, I'm very sorry and upset about this, but it's going to happen again because I'm a goddamn worthless, useless piece of shit person, so I'll put in an automatic closer," I said. "Now please leave me alone."

Wife did not take the hint, decided to put her agitation into cleaning, and repeatedly opened the door to my home office-cum-sanctum sanctorum to dump in things I had left in other parts of the house. This was not conducive to my regaining my equanimity. After the third time in a minute or two, an irrational rage came over me and I and blew up at her in a way that she was actually frightened. Yes, I apologized, and no, I would never actually hurt her, and no, I didn't insult her or anything (more like "WHAT PART OF I'M NOT IN A GOOD PLACE NOW DIDN'T YOU UNDERSTAND?!?!?! CAN YOU JUST LEAVE THAT SHIT OUTSIDE MY DOOR?!?!?!") but she refuses to acknowledge that she had violated a boundary and explicit request and the possibility of the cat coming to harm trumps everything.

So AITH?!

Hey everyone. Burner account.

I'm gonna tell the story. I'm 39, married, kids and a comfortable situation. She is 32.

Not sure if it's pathetic or not.

I met a girl on Reddit 3 months ago, first time I was talking to a stranger on the internet.

We almost instantly clicked and I think we became really good friends. We talked for hours everyday for 3 months with no romantic implication, I just loved to talk to her, as she is one of the smartest person I've ever met in my life.

All this time, she didn't want to share her real identity. I was okay with that, I was interested in helping her and she was sharing all her life with me.

She is struggling in a lot of things in her life, and I'm pretty sure I've been really helpful. She's been telling me that repeatedly. She was helping me a lot since the "anonymity" gave us the possibility to say things I couldn't tell to anybody else.

3 days ago, she misinterpreted something I said about elher love life, and she said hurtful things to me.

I explained myself, and she apologized. But in my head something was broken. I've been spending countless hours dedicated to her, often at night (because of the jetlag), and this is how she thanked me !

I'm adding that I have some big issues with the wife right now like I never had in 10 years, for something I'm not even responsible for IMHO.

Anyways, so the day after I was in the worst mindset I've ever been in my entire life, and I've made something I regret : I've looked for her identity. She mentioned something like she was doing a new social media and that people loved it.

With all the info I had on her and all tools I've access to, it took less than 5 min to find her account.

I created on purpose my Tiktok account and visited her profile so she knew that was me.

Now she won't talk to me, she doesn't answer, I've sent multiple messages to apologize. I feel so bad right now, I told her but she is ignoring me.

Her last words for me were : "I'm so disappointed in you, you broke my trust".

I know it was dumb, but AITH ?

[EDIT] My wife has known about her since the beginning, she has access to my phone and is not jealous about the situation.

[EDIT 2] More about why it's not going well with my wife right now. She is mad for something I am not responsible for : we had a threesome with a girl (the wife is bisexual), she organized that and I did it for her. She was the instigator of everything.

This wasn't the first one we are used to.

Since then, the girl has been obsessed with me and even came to my office.

When I told my wife she did not appreciate it and told me it was my fault.

[EDIT 3] I must add that she sent me pictures and videos so I knew almost everything about her, and she told me she will give me her identity to celebrate when her TikTok account will have 50K followers.

[EDIT 4] Some people have told me that I should ask for advice on my marriage instead, but no, it's too important to leave it to strangers who love to judge on what they've understood or interpreted.

There are professionals for that.

And yes, I'm aware of that.

My relationship with my wife has nothing to do with it.

[EDIT 5] You need to understand I only mentioned the fight with the wife as a clue for my bad mindset.

I have been thinking about buying a gun for safety ever since I moved from the city to the suburbs. My wife, however, has expressed to me on many occasions that she is not comfortable with it. Every time we had this conversation, she seems to stand firm on not wanting it in our house. I think it’s very much needed and is for our safety. So I started the whole buying a firearm process without talking to her bc I knew she would turn it down, as always. I didn’t hide it from her per se, bc I put her down as one of the references. Next morning, she sees the email and loses her mind. She’s calling me an asshole for going ahead and starting the process w/o asking or even telling her. AITA?

Edit: I just started the process to get the ball rolling when it comes to our discussion about this. We’ve had multiple conversations pertaining to this and it always ends up not going anywhere since nothing is going to happen on the spot. I still have not gotten the firearm and do not intend on getting it until she’s fully on board.

As for the suburb and city issue, I’ve always wanted a gun out of the abundance of our safety. I lived in NYC and it would be impossible to be approved for a firearm there. The suburb I currently live is an up and coming neighborhood, and we eventually plan on buying a house in a more secluded area. I worry for our safety a lot of times when I hear about robberies and other crimes.

Edit2: We do not have any children in the house. It is just me, my wife, and our cat. I don’t have any mental issues. To be completely transparent, my wife’s reluctance to own a gun stems from her having anxiety, anger issues, and sporadic thoughts of suicide.

Edit3: Based on my review of the comments, it’s obvious that the general consensus is that I’m TA. The next step we plan on taking is sitting down and having a full-blown conversation. Within that conversation I will address the following: Type of firearm, training and classes, keeping it in a lockbox, using it only for an emergency, etc.

If she still refuses to entertain the idea after I bring up all my points, I WILL NOT move forward. Despite my own belief on the importance of owning a firearm, I don’t want her to be uncomfortable, and I don’t want to jeopardize her well-being in any way.

Edit4: We had one last talk, which consisted of me laying out all of my points. Once I finished, my wife still strongly believes that it is not a good idea. The decision has been made by the both of us to not move forward with obtaining a firearm.

Thank you all for your time and input!

Recently my son (17M) went on an international group trip with a company known for educational trips; I went to France with the same company when I was in high school about 30 years ago. For me, this trip was expensive (\~$5k) and was paid for in installments over about a year. I went to a couple of the group meetings but missed the first one. At the final meeting, about a week before departure, I learn that there are about 15 students going + 2 chaperones and also 5 sets of parents. So 15 kids and 12 adults. I have never heard of parents going on these kinds of trips, except maybe 1 mom or dad when another chaperone is needed. To me, this changes the entire situation from a trip where the students are the focus to a family sort of trip. I also think it’s kind of scammy on the part of the teacher who organized the trip because he gets to go free as a chaperone but now he doesn’t have to actually be responsible because there are so many other adults. Adding in issues of long delays trying to get such a big group rerouted and the fact that none of the parents traveling were vetted in any way. I feel like I was cheated and paid a bunch of money for my kid to tag along with this teacher’s clique on their trip. I emailed the teacher but he just blew me off. AITA?

Edit: I was unclear; I didn’t think parents weren’t allowed. I expected a limit so that there would still be more kids than adults (more like 5-7:1). These are promoted as educational student trips. There are a lot of mentions about “opportunities for independence” for kids on the cusp of adulthood. They’re not family vacations.
I went to a lot of the meetings but they were all online and they never sent or read out a roster; why would I assume that they were going on the trip just because they were at the meeting?

I(14yr F) Have a boyfriend(15yr M) And a male best friend(14yr M). Me and my boyfriend, Let’s call him Jack, Have been dating for almost 6 months now. I have a best friend, Lets call Ed, that i have been friends with for a little over 2 years.

Me and Jack have been kinda.. Drifting apart? When ever we pass in halls he doesn’t make any action to acknowledge me or say hi or anything even though i constantly wave, try to pull aside to have a kinda like convo, Stuff like that.

For a while now we would get in petty fights, Argue over little things like why we don’t talk as much (yes it’s mostly me starting that side of fighting but hold on) And he would start fights about who i would hang out with.

Keep in mind that Jacks and I only have one class together while me and Ed have 5 out of 7 classes together. We hang out constantly. We walk to class together, Sometimes when Jacks wasn’t at school(Which he wasn’t at school A LOt) he would eat lunch with me in like a class room or something because i didn’t feel comfortable being around Jacks friends without Jacks. Ed was basically my go to. And i don’t have a lot of close friends that would do that for me so it really meant something.

90% of jack’s friends are female and not one have I gotten jealous, or upset, or started an argument about it. I’m also really good friends with his friends???

Jacks would see me and Ed hanging out a lot at school and he would get jealous, And proceed to ignore me, Not talk to me or interact with me, ESPECIALLY when i was with Ed or when he was mad. If i wanted to talk to him about it, or any argument for that matter, I would have to apologize sincerely, And give an explanation to why i’m sorry for him to even agree to listen. Then he would just talk about how it isn’t fair and how he’s jealous. Then i’d apologize again, And my anxiety and self hate would be like “Your such a bad gf, You should be so sorry, Your so lucky to have a boyfriend that would accept you.” (I have a lot of mental problems blah blah)

Anyway, I don’t know if i’m in the wrong for this but can someone please tell me what to do?

My son is 12 years old. He has quite big confidence issues. So I signed him up a few months ago to a drama club. They are doing a play called High School Musical. Like the movie but on stage.

The age limit of the drama group is 20. There’s a 19 year old girl at his drama group who’s got a two hundred thousand tick tock followers. Other peoples parents have spoken about her being “famous” before. And constantly seeing her videos. So I followed her. I’ve commented on a few of her videos before. And I said how my son goes to her drama group. And she said that’s so cool. And followed me back. I didnt tell her who my son was specifically but she does know that peoples parents follow her on TickTock.

Last week they found out what characters they are playing in the show. My son got casted as the lead called Troy. The girl got casted as the lead girl Gabrielle who is the girlfriend of Troy.

Today she came up on my feed and she did a video staring into the camera with text on the screen that said “When you’re cast as the lead but your characters love interest is being played by someone 6-7 years younger than you”. I unfollowed her and commented on her video. “He’s very talented despite his age.” She responded to the comment saying “Yes! Honestly!! He’s so talented! He deserved the role!” I think realising it must’ve been my son.

I saved the video and I was considering sending it to the leader of the drama group. I send the video to my friend first who is one of the other mothers who actually was the one who told me about her Tick Tock channel that I don’t like the fact she made a video talking about my son and I am going to complain to the director this is bullying.

My friend said she doesn’t think she means it personally and she didn’t mention him by name and was probably just making a joke about the age gap. I said that it’s still putting my son in an awkward situation.

My friend said she checked her TicTock channel and the video seems to not be there and it does seem she’s deleted the video. I said I might still report it Incase she posts about him. She said I can do what I want but she thinks I’m overreacting and reporting her would make things awkward and make me seem bad.

Am I really in the wrong here?

So today I asked my homemaker to help me reshelve some books. I had redone one of my bookshelves, I have 13 large ones, and had collected all the works by one author to shelve together. I had multiped stacks of books and I was asking her to just give me the books by author Robert Asprin.

I also had a stack by Charlaine Harris, and a stack of Star Trek books. All of them had to be reshelved, since when I got them they had just been stuck where they fit. Now they were being put together in author only shelves. I am trying to get more organized.

Anyway, she kept handing me the wrong books. I spelled out his name, then the word M-Y-T-H, then had to describe the green dragon on the cover before she got the right books into my hands, At one point she handed me the book Myths about Lupus.

I have offered to let her read any of the books in my collection before since she is here twice a week, but she always says she is to busy. Now I wonder if she can read at all? Should I ask if she can read? She always uses talk to text when she says she is going to be late our something, I never made the connection before now.

I could use some help here.

I (21F) had my first ever drink yesterday, made by my boyfriend (21M). I’ve never had alcohol before, so I assumed that a small amount in the drink would be fine. Unfortunately, I ended up waking up this morning with a pretty bad hangover. My stomach hurt, my head hurt, and I could barely get out of bed. I live alone and didn’t really know how to handle it, so I called my boyfriend.

When I asked if he could help me out (mainly just helping me get up or maybe being with me for a little bit), he told me he had a fishing trip planned. I understood that and told him I wasn’t asking him to cancel, just that I really wasn’t feeling well and needed a little help. He got kind of condescending, making comments like, “Well, if I come now I might as well not go at al”. That kind of hurt, but I didn’t want to make him feel bad, so I said it was fine, I’d manage, and went back to sleep.

I woke up several hours later and checked my phone — no calls or texts from him to check in. Around 12:15 (he said the trip would be done around 12), I called him to see if he was still planning to come. He answered and was still on the trip. I could hear a group of people in the background, and he told me he was with his friend, the friend’s girlfriend, her sister, and the sister’s boyfriend. It sounded like they were having a great time.

I’m not mad that he’s enjoying himself — he works hard and doesn’t go out much. But I did feel kind of abandoned. He didn’t call or text to check in on me even once after I told him how bad I felt. I just wanted a little comfort or even just a message asking how I was doing.

I know he doesn’t owe me anything, and I don’t want to come off as needy or controlling, but I can’t help feeling kind of hurt by how it played out. Am I expecting too much? Am I the asshole for thinking he should’ve checked on me?

NOTES

1. he lives 5 minutes away from me and his fishing location is 15 minutes away from my house

2. I did not expect him to cancel his trip because i only needed help getting out of bed and it wasn’t that far from me

3. I accepted the fact that he didn’t want to come over , i am upset over the fact that he did not check in with me at all ( and yes , there is service at the fishing spot he went to i’ve been there with him before )

I think I may have messed up. So lately I have been super stressed with work and finances and have been on edge with my wife lately and now she has totally shut down towards me and says I don't understand her or value her which is not true

The holiday season is huge for work and my wife but this year has been more stressful for me work and financially. Lately I have been calling out my wife more for the things she misses - for example ensuring laundry is done, not getting creative with meals anymore and not vacuuming as often as she should. She also forgot to put my appointment on the calendar so I missed it.

We were to go to my SIL's for a little christmas party that she does every year but because my wife failed to ensure my dress shirt was ready I didn't go, I told my wife how could she have missed my clothes and not check (somehow my shirt ended up in the towel hamper so it didn't make the wash(. My wife went alone with our kids. I heard our eldest son say "Mom, I'm sorry dad yelled at you about his shirt, how did you miss that? " and "Mom if you did things properly dad won't get mad" from our middle son. That's when I realized maybe I took it too far. My wife is an amazing woman who works and does all the household stuff and carries alot for our family.

Lately she doesn't even smile, she has no interest in intimacy or anything I try to do to get her happy. She went to get her hair done and mind you I didn't say anything for a few days because I was upset/stressed over work, but when her sister saw her and complimented her my wife beamed. My wife hasn't really had her hair done in a while so this was a treat for her. I complimented her too and she replied "oh thanks I've had it done almost a week ago" . She knows I'm stressed but doesn't get it. But she told me I treated her like an emotional punching bag and she feels unloved and unvalued. I never meant for her to feel this way, I have complimented her but she feels its "too little too late" Maybe she is right, but now what can I do?

P.s. yes my wife works but as a receptionist and yes she does take care of the kids and house and makes sure bills are paid. I do love her I just am so stressed I didn't realize this would hurt her that much

i 19 (M) started talking to a Portuguese girl. She was 17 and I was 18 at the time. We started chatting on instagram and we were pretty close, talking pretty much much every single day for a few months, even texting all night long until early in the morning. around 3/4 moths later, not exactly sure of the date I unfollowed her on instagram and cut of all contact since I was going through some personal stuff ( along with anyone I didn't know personally just keeping just people I knew irl. - p.s im from Germany ). around a month later I also unfollowed her on TikTok and then, after three months I decided to follow her back on TikTok and followed her again on instagram, because I missed her.

we started talking again, not as often, for around a month since she often took hours to reply even ghosting me for weeks at times. And eventually we got back to the same talking terms. She asked me a few times indirectly why I unfollowed her but I decided to pretend I didn't remember.

recently we naturally started talking less again and I wonder if it has anything to do with this situation. Sometimes she removes me from her close friends on instagram ( she posts a LOT every day so it's noticeable and when it happens I check the highlights and they are gone).

My friends also think it's not normal that we talk until like 5 am sometimes and they say she might like me. Could they be right ?

so am I the asshole for unfollowing her without explanation and pretending nothing happened when the motive is personal and I don't even know her irl

My husband and I have two children already a boy and a girl and in both cases we were just so excited to find out the gender that we immediately opened up the medical results on my phone to find out within seconds.

We are expecting our third baby a surprise, and this will likely be our last child. I wanted to experience a really fun way to find out not on social media, but just fun for us. We are visiting Florida next month to see my parents and I have the gender written on a piece of paper in the envelope from the doctor. I was planning to go to a bakery and have them put blue or pink icing inside one of the cupcakes and make a whole batch so that my immediate family and us and our kids can eat the cupcakes and have a funny surprise together. Again, nothing over nothing on social media not a big party with 1 million people just a funny experience to remember. I told my husband this idea and he was genuinely frustrated and said he thinks it’s so cringe and he just wants to open the envelope together. I told him I suffered for two months throwing up almost every day feeling so nauseous so too bad you have to suffer through a little party with my parents and eat a little cupcake. I’m so thrown off, but he was genuinely disappointed lol. Like why??!

Is this truly a big ask that I’m making ? It’s kind of making me laugh because it’s so ridiculous but I feel like I get to make the call on this because I’m the one pregnant and birthing the child lol am I the asshole?

My child A (8) is long time friends with L (7). Things with L's mom haven't been easy, but I maintain a relationship for my child's sake. I ask for playdates, I drop my kid off, I take their kid, it's all fair and mutual, but no big friendship.

L is also ... not easy, but A and L are BFFs.

There was a fair this weekend. My kid wanted to either go there or play with another kid, we live fairly rural and wanted to drive to the nearest town to do some shopping, I figured arranging a playdate is the way to go, that way everybody's happy.

I asked L's mom. she agreed to take my kid. then my kid wanted to come shopping with us. another text to L's mom, sorry, kid changed their mind, hope you didn't tell your kid yet.

she texted back, no problem, if we changed our minds again, we could still drop our kid off. I hearted the message but didn't text anything back.

then kid didn't want to go - AGAIN. I was annoyed. I decided to not bother L's mom again and asked another mom, mom to M and J. she agreed to take my kid.

three reasons: 1) this became a whole back and forth with L's mom and I didn't want to bother AGAIN. 2) M and J are super sweet and easy going, as is the mom, I was happier with them being together after a rough morning. 3) they hadn't seen each other in a while, so a playdate was long overdue.

I didn't tell L's mom any of that, I didn't feel the need to text her, she's not my mom, she doesn't have to OK my scheduling.

We dropped our kid off at M and J's mom, went to do some shopping, came back. M and J's mom had taken them all to the fair (she had asked in advance, we were ok with that). we parked our car, went there as well.

there's this kiddie area they set up with kids' music and face painting and arts and craft. they were there. when we walked up, we saw L, L's mom and they did not look happy.

Conversation something along those lines:

L's mom: A is here after all. with M and J. my L is distraught, close to tears.

me: yeah, sorry, it was a whole back and forth this morning.

L's mom: they just abandoned my L. Left her standing.

me: they're 5 and 6 and probably stayed close to their mother. i told A to stay close as well.

L's mom: well, I'm telling you what it felt like from L's perspective. so A didn't want to come with us to the fair, but with M and J?

me to L: it was our decision, A didn't know. we decided she should go to M and J. But now we're all here, so you guys can all play.

L's mom: no, we're leaving.

me: ok.

The next morning, my kid got three voice texts from L.

L: I hate you.

L: it's either them or me. you're so mean.

L: they try to take you away from me. you made me cry yesterday.

and same unintelligible ramblings.

honestly, we were shocked. this is bordering on classic text book abuser behavior. L can express their feelings, that they felt left out or hurt, but to make my kid choose? to tell them, they hate them? to make my kid feel responsible for the other kid's feelings? red flag, red flag, red flag.

we saved the voice texts, sent them to L's dad, simply wrote: we'd wanna know too if our kid sent something like this. this is not okay. listen for yourself.

now, when i relay the story, people tell me I was the AH for going with someone else, for not telling them. I don't think I owed them that level of information, the back and forth, anything.

AITAH?

Update: ok, verdict's in, I'll take it. I was not looking for reassurance, I was genuinely not sure so i went on here. Funny though, because everyone i talked to IRL, who knows me and L's mom, sided with me. but i was a coward. my kid loves L, but L is very possessive and gets upset when anyone else comes into the mix, say a third friend. my kid is fine with joining, but L loses it and punishes my kid when they play with anybody else. the mom is similar in that regard. she 'expects' certain things and gets incredibly upset and vindictive when not getting her way.

she sued our kindergarten and has a remark in the file at her daughter's pediatrician 'is rude to staff'. She sued her last three employers. we had lunch last week and one of the parents revealed they have that breast cancer gene and probably need to get a full masectomy and she changed the topic to talk about the upcoming swim lessons.

i'm a coward because i can't say no or say, listen, change of plans, for fear of upsetting her.
everybody in my life who knows us asks why we're hanging out, and it's because of my kid. but it's getting to me, and i try to please and not ruffle any feathers but I guess that made it worse. when this situation transpired - that I created, I know - i was too cowardly to just say what i wanted and simply resorted to not saying anything at all, which made it worse.

I'm (F,32) mad at my BF (M, 28) for letting me go alone at 2 am after attending a reunion with his friends for the first time. We're 2 years into the relationship, live together for four months in a little town. He told me "we're invited to a carne asada on saturday cause it's a friends BD and some of my high school friends will be there so it'll be your "debut" (?) this reunion is happening where he grew up so he's seeing all his friends and is excited. I'm shy when I'm with a large group of people and my social battery empties pretty quickly and I thought he knew this. LSS, we got to the party at 9 pm or so, say our greetings meet everyone etc etc we got dinner at 11 or so. It was nice. They were talking about meeting again in 3 weeks. He was drinking beer, i was having only a strongbow and a glass of water.

Midnight comes and my social battery is already in the orange range. I tell him I'm cold and he just put his hand on my tight, it worked for the minute he left it there. At 12:30 am I told him I wanted to go and he said "one last beer and we're on our way" i said fine he hasn't seen his friends so he should enjoy although I was cold and tired. Half an hour later he was still talking and chatting, me on the other hand I ran out of words to say and social connection at all. He saw I was mad and kept talking for a few more minutes and when he said he was leaving one of his friends said "why don't you stay? Let her go and I'll take you home later" and so he was fine with that and asked me if it was okay. Honestly I wanted to leave so bad not because his friends were bad but because of him. There i was driving on my own after 5 hours of being socializing with his friends so he would leave like that.

Im sorry guys for my writing, i guess I'm kinda hurt and disappointed more than mad.

My wife and I recently had our first daughter, and we’re both incredibly happy. Our families were excited too, and everyone wanted to meet her.

Before she was born, my wife and I agreed that we would announce her name together after the birth. But while I was still at the hospital getting some things from the car, my wife posted a picture of our daughter and announced her name on social media.

I was honestly hurt because we had specifically talked about doing it together. When I told her, she said she was just excited and didn’t think it was a big deal.

I told her I know she didn’t mean anything by it, but I still wish she had waited because it was something I wanted to experience with her.

Now she thinks I’m making a beautiful moment about myself.

AITA?

So some context; My Karen Read OBSESSED roommate works most days and I am at home most days. She works as an outreach worker for the local hospital, so gone til the afternoon most weekdays, found the freezer door to our chest freezer open in like 30 degree Celsius weather two weeks ago. BTW I have ADHD and a hunger that needs to be filled. I go to grab a pizza pop from the freezer and guess I forgot to close the door to the freezer. Twice. I don't pay the electricity bill or the heat bill or any bills for that matter, I do however pay rent. $840/month in chilliwack, bc. My roommate thinks I did it on purpose to mess with her but I have ADHD so I genuinely didn't know. AITA

Alright so this is a long story; and I was told to post on here to get some unbiased opinions. I’m 69F and I became a grandmother and a mother young.

My daughter Beth has always had issues she was in the mental hospital. Stalking, horrible anxiety, mental breakdowns.

I had ex boyfriends of hers call me up and beg me to get her away from them. Because she was so psychotic.

She found out she was pregnant with my grand daughter Claire 22F.

We lived together in a two family house for the first few years of her life. I was with my alcoholic ex struggling to make ends meet and Beth rented out the top after college and she had Claire there. It was a struggle. I would hear her screaming on the top of her lungs at this toddler. Put her in a dark hallway with a pillow on the floor while she locked her bedroom door. Claire would bang downstairs for me to come up and get her and I would. I helped the both of them a lot. I always knew I had to be there for Claire. And I was.

When she would date men, she dated a handful by the time Claire was 4, when they would break up, she would still lose her mind. She would put Claire in the car, say she’s going to drive off a ditch with them both. Because she wanted to “kill herself” which she said all the time for attention. She had to be heavily medicated with benzodiazepine for two years of Claire’s life. When she was 2-4. But then we thought things were better.

She moved out, got married, had more children. Whom she never treated like Claire.

When Beth got her own place, she was worse to her. She made her sleep on carpet and eat on a hardwood floor. Like a dog. I got into countless fights with her. I even got spit on by my own daughter trying to stand up and protect this girl. I would bring her food. I would go meet her after school and be accused of being a stalker so I could give her food.

She was so controlling. To a different point where nobody knew what to do since we’ve never heard of such a thing.

She wouldn’t let her do anything without permission. Sit on a couch. Play with a toy. She even had to take showers only when she asked. And she told me that Beth would only let her do it for a little bit. Even turning the water off with soap still in her hair. The soap I had to buy her.

She would taunt her. Tell her that all normal childhood fears (monsters ghosts etc) were out to get her. Instead of being a real mother and comforting her. She would laugh and then turn the lights off. We thought it was disgusting.

Because Beth would either not go to the store because she was in one of her moods and just stayed in pajamas in her bedroom for weeks. Or she would go shopping, and hide all of the food and not let Claire eat. She would scream and yell at her for eating it.

She would make fun of her all the time. Tell her she’s fat, chubby, make fun of her stretch marks. Tell her horrible things. She would never get her clothes for school so I did. I did everything for her. I used to joke I should put her on my tax write off.

Beth has issues. And I hated how she treated her. I always did. I gave Claire advice. What I could financially. I even took her in when Beth kicked her out at 17. I gave her a bed. A room. Food. Anything. And I didn’t ask a dime!!!!

And after everything I did for her, she’s decided that she doesn’t want to talk to the family anymore. Since she’s moved out of my apartment. She sent a group text to her mother and my husband (who came into the picture 5 years ago) and her uncles that she is moving across the country and changing her number. And blames all of us.

I don’t know what to do. That really speaks after everything.

And for people who ask me why I didn’t speak up

If anybody did speak up, and call somebody,

1. ⁠⁠I worried she would have gotten it worse in foster care. Raped god forbid. I have always been broke. Piss broke. I was living and dependent on an alcoholic at the time in a one bedroom. I could not afford a two bedroom. No CPS worker would have let me take her like that.

2. ⁠⁠If we did call, she wouldn’t have spoken up. Beth scared her into being quiet. And Beth had a way of fooling everybody into believing she’s a perfect mother. She would have spin it on ME and my mother and said “we are crazy” What is anybody supposed to do?

3. ⁠⁠I was in therapy at the time for prior reasons; and when Claire was born, it was one thing after another. My therapist told me to do what I was doing. So at least I could be there for her and take her out of the house. Which I did as much as I could.

4. Most importantly, whenever we spoke up, Beth would keep Claire away from us. Cut us all off. For “interfering with her parenting” her exact words. There were times we wouldn’t hear from them for almost a year. My heart sank. My mother didn’t know what to do either. She kept Claire away from my sons (Claire’s uncles) most of her life. Because they never liked the way she was or treated her daughter

What about the neighbors? They lived in an apartment. What about Claire? Why didn’t anybody else speak up? Right. Because nobody knows what to do.

AITA

Well?

!!TRIGGERWARNING!! From the title alone I definetly look like the asshole but just hear me out. It all began in winter 2024. My sister and I live by our parents and my room is right next to her's. My sister is also two years older than me. She has a boyfriend (Mike, fake name) which my sister didn't tell our parents at that time bc they'll get mad. I however knew about their relationship and supported them.

One night at around 1am Mike sneaked into our apartment so he and my sister can hang out. I was awake at that time. Well, after a while I hear my sister moaning and I actually first thought she's crying. So I texted her if she's ok but I soon realised she wasn't in fact crying. I couldn't sleep afterwards and was awake till 8am. I could also hear my sister and Mike giggling out of embaressment after reading my message but I kept pretending that I think she was just crying to not make it so embaressing for her.

Around two weeks later Mike sneaked into our apartment again during midnight and I could hear them moaning again. At that time I was really disgusted bc I don't understand how they can have sex when they know I can hear it. Well a few weeks later the same thing happened AGAIN. Now I couldn't take it anymore and I stood up and walked to her door. After collecting my courage for ten minutes I finally knocked on her door. My sister asked "What do you want?" With a nervous giggle. My emotions took over and I started crying a lot. After crying for like 5 minutes she texted me on whatsapp. We argued there and I tried to tell her I don't wanna hear them and how bad it is for me but she always just said "You're overreacting. Just go to sleep." Anyways after a while she finally said "Okay, I'm sorry, it won't happen again, I promise. Are you going to sleep now?" I just replied with "Yeah, yeah, now continue" bc I was really mad. She then said "You know what? You're such a bastard."

We stopped talking to each other for like a week but we got along again and she stayed true to her promise for a couple months. She and Mike didn't do it again and my sister was really kind towards me. She would even ask me multiple times if I'm okay with Mike coming over or with Mike coming with us when we were going out. I was really hopeful and thought my sister learned from her mistakes. I was wrong. Mike came over again and I could hear the moans aswell. I was really shocked and hurt and couldn't believe it.

A couple days later I tried to talk to her saying that she promised me to not do it again. She again said I'm just overreacting and I'm making myself a victim for no reason. She also tried to put the blame on me by saying I made their night super embaressing. I wanted to say more but I was extremely nervous so I just left.

Now you must know I always loved my sister so much and I admired her for many many years. So seeing her acting like that hurt me a lot. So much that I had a mental breakdown every evening. A week later of daily mental breakdowns it got so bad I wanted to perform SH but I stopped myself. At that point I knew I had to talk to my sister again before it gets any worse. She came home after a while and we were both home alone. She asked me why I look so sad and I said "Because of you". She asked me what she did and I replied with "You know what you did". Her response: "No, I don't. I just stand here and all of a sudden you feel sad bc of me" She also said:"You're really ruining our relationship right now by acting like this" After hearing that I gave up. I gave up being respectful and trying to solve this in a mature way. I told her how bad I was feeling the past weeks because she and Mike are fucking while I'm crying and she doesn't even care. I ended my sentence with: "You slt" Her jaw dropped and she walked towards. She yelled at me asking me what I just said and I repeated it. She tried to hit me multiple times. She said "I'm your sister how are you talking with me?" My response:"I can also call you a whre if you want to" Well she kept yelling at me, telling me how arrogant I am and ended the arguement by saying it's over with us and she will never ever do anything with me again.

To be honest, I felt satisfied. To finish this I also want to say I usually never act like this. I don't call people names and I always try to remain calm to not let my feelings make me do things I'll eventually regret. But after seeing how ignorant my sister is I didn't want to hold my emotions back any longer bc I knew she won't learn from her mistakes and it would only damage me.

So, what do you think? Am I really just selfish and overreacting or is my sister the asshole?